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the NOCD Community

Hey guys, before I hit the hay, I wanted to share that I got married today. My obsession is feeling as though I have “cheated” in the past by different things I have said, done, implied, etc and feeling the urge to confess them. It’s scary, and I’ll never know for sure what my husband would think about every single thing I have said, done, etc, but it feels so good to be loved anyway. And it feels so good to have not let my OCD scare me out of getting married, because he’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, so damn it that’s what I’m going to do, whether I feel I deserve it or not.

Hey can any Christians talk to me about the difference between God's voice and your own/intrusive thoughts? I have a really hard time being able to tell what God is saying to me. Today I felt like God was leading me to go to this thing at a coffee shop (a hw study) and i have been asking God to lead me towards the guy Iike if its his will. So i went and the guy wasn't there. But then I had time so i went to my college to do some hw and he was there!! And we talked for a while! I don't know if it was God leading me to him, the devil, or a coincidence but it was kind of crazy. I don't know how to tell though

This is going to be a post that talks about sexual OCD, real events, and POCD. People 18 AND OLDER please. I actually have something that bothers me from time to time about OCD. The topic of that is avoidance. Masturbation is a problem for me. Everybody knows what it is, most of us have done it, yet we don't talk about it. Is it avoidance if I choose not to masturbate because of the guilt I feel after? Should I not do it because of the sexual intrusive thoughts that come up? Should I avoid it completely because I don't want to be addicted to it or be deemed a pervert? When I do it, pornography is not only not used, not needed, but not preferred. I don't know if avoiding it will help me or make me feel better about myself. On one hand I want to control my urges but on the other I feel like I'm restricting myself from what's being used as a harmless sexual release. This confuses me a lot. I find myself only doing it so the feelings of arousal, groinals, and urges go away completely but they come back. Is there a way for it to go away long term or should I get used to it?

I've been binging on Katie d'Ath videos and she's been very helpful. She's been uploading more videos about OCD recently and her advice really helps me think about things differently. The analogies she uses when speaking about intrusive thoughts and scenarios are nice.

Hey fellow obsessive compulsives:) happy monday!:) I did some fun nails yesterday, what's everyone up to? 😊 Ocd will try to tell ya that you are not interested in the things that bring you joy. DONT listen to that voice. Give ocd the middle finger and do what you love 🤗💛

Tw hocd I think Ive figured it out, I have ocd but Im also unfortunately in denial, I really just need to accept this and move on in real life. Ive had these realizations far too many times but due to having ocd I started doubting these epiphanies too. But I just know now that Im most likely into same sex aswell. I had this thought few times this morning " I wish I didnt feel this" which is the biggest symptom of denial. I just wish I didnt struggle with anxiety and all these painful feelings for a year straight. Man wtf now my whole life will change,my values and everything. Im gonna have to readjust completely, this is a fkin bummer. Im not going to live in the closet, fk that. My only question is do I still see an ocd therapist? bc thoughts are very obsessive and Im feeling anxiety and depression

I have an honest question here! I am seeing TONS of people posting about POCD with these age gaps of a couple years. They say they are 17y and found a 14y attractive. Isn’t that normal? I mean I would say POCD if you were obsessing over if you found a 10 year old or someone who is pre/pubescent attractive?

I’m really struggling today, my thoughts are so aggressive, they won’t stop. They keep telling me you don’t wanna be with him, and so much more and they are the exact opposite of how I feel. It’s been like this for days and gotten increasingly worse, I just feel so tired of fighting, I feel so alone. I feel so betrayed by my own thoughts and so out of control of my own mind. My birthdays coming up and my partner called to ask me what my ring size was, the minute I got off the phone I burst into tears. I had a very short therapy session this morning as part of a trial run free therapy thing being offered within the UK. The therapist was very kind, although it was only 20 minutes she said it sounds like you are really are struggling with anxiety, depression & intrusive thoughts, for a moment I felt relief. I felt believed, I didn’t feel so alone or like I was going insane. She encouraged me to challenge the thoughts, to hold onto the good things & to not let my negative subconscious thoughts destroy this relationship they on a conscious level I know I very very much want. I know that OCD attacks everything and over the last 7 weeks the spectrum of doubts, questions & thoughts I’ve had have been so broad and intense. But I honestly think this has to be the worst, feeling like your fighting your own mind to be in a relationship you want is a new type of torture. I just feel so defeated today.

Hi everyone, hoping to get some advice. I am looking to change my Zoloft for new medicine. It has been my medicine for 18 years and I am currently taking a 250mg dose! I just found out that the side effects are what have caused issues (such as sweating and dry mouth) for years! I am so scared. I’m terrified to change and have a medicine not work. I’m scared it will not work or make me basically “lose it.” Having a disorder such as ours is debilitating and mine is very managed, but I’m so scared to go back to when I was a child and got diagnosed, it was a very dark time for me. Anyone else go through similar situation? How has the transition been? Did you feel secure/safe throughout?

My heart hurts so much right now. I am a mother of two and I am afraid to be near my children. Two weeks ago, everything was fine. I never had an intrusive thought about them at all. My mother recently told me that my father SA’ed me and I do not remember it because I was too little to remember. Well, while trying to cope with that information… I had a terrible intrusive thought. “What if I become like my father?” “What if you’re attracted to you kids?” I instantly felt sick, I threw up and then I could NOT stop thinking. I keep getting this horrible sinking feeling near them. I keep crying and missing how simple it was before. I love them so much and it’s only pure mother love. I don’t even have any urges it makes no sense why I can’t let this thought go. I just want to go back to being their mommy. I was looking at videos of when they were tiny babies or even from a few weeks ago and just crying because it was just simple and life was amazing and I cherished my children… now I am afraid to be near them. I told my boyfriend because I was having such terrible anxiety from this and I’ve been in a dark place. He knows I’ve had other obsessions and panic attacks so he is being very helpful through this. He says he trusts me and knows I would never harm our kids. But I keep feeling so guilty for even having this thought at all.

This isn’t even about ocd but I need to vent. You don’t have to read or respond if you dont want to. I’m such a failure and I don’t even know why I’m alive. All I do is sit in my bed and go on my phone 24/7 a day. I never do homework and I’m doing so bad in school because it’s so hard. And I’m literally the weakest person ever and I give up at everything. I try to work on a project for one second and give up. I have no hobbies or any goals for the future. I’m just so lazy and a burden to everyone in my family. I’m ignoring my friends. I just feel like such a negative lazy person and quitter. I don’t know how I’m gonna get anywhere in life.

Does anyone else feel like a trigger is hearing other peoples opinions about your life? Like hearing someone say “oh youre just in denial” or like someone thinking they know you better than you know yourself. Like my identity loss due to OCD gets so bad sometimes that i just numb myself out because hearing peoples words in my head repeat like “you probably like this since you avoid it so heavily and youre in denial”. Like especially from people who label themselves spiritually “woke”. I guess im just ranting/venting. But ive grown up hearing things like that a lot and it makes me so uncomfortable when people think they can figure you out easily

Hi all. I felt better yesterday afternoon. I promised myself I wouldnt look up about OCD. It was hard but I did it. I felt much better last night but then I wake up this morning feeling like I am back to square one as have huge anxiety again. I have done my ERP this morning for over 20 minutes but anxiety has only gone down from 7 to 5. Feeling better one day and then not the next.....is this how the erp is starting to work? I have only been doing it for a week and a half. Just need some support at the moment. Thank you xx

Anyone else have ocd around pleasing ppl? I’m a huge ppl pleaser and will overanalyze conversations like crazy if I thought I hurt someone’s feelings or said something off

Hey yallll happy Saturday night! Here's a pic of a random tree carving I saw on my road trip today 🤣 I hope everyone is doing alright tonight. Keep in mind that you're doing the best you can in this present moment. You do not need to compare your progress to anyone else's. Be happy for others, your time will come and you deserve it! 😊💗

I was doing some research for a project and some experts have said that it's near impossible to have ADHD and OCD, is that true or is this just another case of the medical community being sexist?

Guys I can’t tell if I’m having a breakup urge or if this is genuine. About an hour ago I was like this is ocd and I love him. But now it feels like a genuine want to break up. I keep thinking that other people are fine when they do it. And it almost felt like relief. Is that ocd

If you get triggered very easily like me. I would NOT recommend reading!!! I wrote a whole ass essay lmao. I’m just venting about my obsession they are really crazy and feel very real. I feel like if any of you were to read this you would think I do deserve to go to a mental hospital or something. I feel that way too but I don’t want to end up there I want to get better. My whole entire life I’ve been obsessive. So many obsessive thoughts and fear. It has never been to this extent it would only last a couple of hours and it would go away. I was and am an over thinker. So when it first started I thought once I get my answers it would go away but it didn’t it wasn’t enough. I had been obsessed for like 2 months. My obsession turned into intrusive thoughts. I began to google dug myself I’m a hole. Decided I need help and I need to get out of this as soon as possible. I wanted it to leave as soon as it came. Ever since I started medication sometimes I feel like it took away the obsessiveness but some how I ended up still thinking the way I was before medication if that makes any sense. I just kinda remember looking back at photos of me and missing and wanting to be that girl again. Be her, be the person I new before my mind turned into this. I’m the beginning it would feel like a never ending nightmare always worried about my thoughts and obsessions. I would say these new thoughts are temporary when I wake up tomorrow I’ll begin to worry about my original obsession and that was true. Some times I would tell myself like wake up beat your mind. You need to get out of this mental state and be engaged get back to the person you were. I began to have fears of doing stuff in my sleep. Or I had fears of doing stuff that I don’t remember doing. I had fears of what if all these intrusive thoughts started because all along I had a personality hidden inside of me like the movie split and I got thoughts like that but the go away. Than I started to worry about my memory as if I couldn’t remember stuff. Like I was scared of not being able to recall my childhood, memories with friends, family. So I would test my memory. Than I would worry about the way I’m currently living and wondering if I’m the future I’m going to look back at this time in my life and remember it. I’m scared of forgetting this period in my life. I also began to think what if I’m the future I get intrusive thoughts about events that’s that happened and they are twisted and cause me to spiral. Than a coworker told me about a movie called “the beautiful mind” which has to do with a man living in his memories but actually is in a mental hospital because he is schizophrenic. I started to get thoughts what if everyday that’s what happening to me or would think if I keep thinking this way I’m going to end up going in that route. Than I began to worry about forgetting who the people in my life are. Yesterday I started to tell myself who I was and the people important to me because nothing felt real and it was dream. Than at work I started to feel as though no one around me was real. I guess like a simulation. And I would look at my coworkers like you guys are your own people with your own thoughts. It also felt like yesterday if I don’t see you physically you don’t exist to me which doesn’t make sense because I know you exist but for some reason my mind is taking it that way. I see my mom or people I love and I kinda panic because it like you are related to me you know me I know you and you live your own separate life. Than it starts again with the this isn’t real. I’ll look at pictures of the past of myself, my family members, and boyfriend, than I start to get thoughts like I don’t know who they are or don’t remember them. I’m terrified of my OCD making my actual brain forget everyone and everything that’s important to me. So when I’m not getting intrusive thought and it’s just me i try not to think about it because I feel like my brain will start to forget everyone. I try to go on social media to distract but than I start to get thoughts about how they aren’t real or how they live their own lives and stuff. It’s just hard to explain. Sometimes I feel the need to take pictures or write down everyday what I do so I can look back in case I feel like I’ll forget what happened that day. I also feel as tho maybe my dosage in medication is too high and I worry i have an excessive amount of serotonin and maybe that’s why I’m starting to question reality and those around me. Question if life is real or not. Also at work I had spilled a house hold cleaner and I picked it up. I washed my hands after but I have a bad habit of biting my nails and I bit my nail and tasted the cleaner and freaked out. I’m scared the cleaner that I had tasted is in mud system and it’s affecting my medication and my thinking process. Just so many possibilities and I just don’t know what makes sense. Im scared of doing erp for this because it accepting the uncertainty. So it freaks me out because I feel like I have to accept all those things. I have to accept every day I may or may not be living in a dream, simulation, my memories, and everything else I listed. And I feel like it’ll drive me mad. I’m scared that I won’t recover and I won’t get to live a normal life like I use too. I have so much anxiety writing this but this all how I feel and it must sound crazy and if you read this thank you and I hope you don’t get triggered but this how I feel and I don’t see it getting better. If you read all the way through and have advice please comment! Also thank you for taking the time to read this I hope you have a great day!!

Literally no one would believe me when I tell them I didn’t exactly know how bad it was when I made the mistake I did.. not even me some of the time. I keep telling myself I should have thought so much harder before doing that. Even if I had just done one thing different it would have been fine. I want to turn back time so badly but i would feel guilty if I did because with feel I deserve this pain which I do but🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣lmao

How do I stop believing my obsessive thoughts around my health?