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I think someone i live with washed poopy pants in the washing machine. I found some small brown bits in the machine. And the day before there was shit in our toilet seat. What should I do. I don’t wanna wash my clothes there now. How would a person without OCD handle this.

I’m tired guys. I’m tired of thinking something is always wrong with my health, tired of letting random symptoms/ sensations take over my brain and make me think something is horribly wrong. Tired of thinking I need to go to the doctors to get X & Y looked at. I’m tired of always assuming worst case scenario. I’m tired of constantly thinking if something is unethical/ immoral if I don’t do something, tired of always thinking I’m offending a religious higher being, tired of thinking I’m a bad/ disgusting person for my thoughts. I’ve had OCD ruin so many things for me that should have been fun. It’s ruined intercourse/ intimacy because of religious thoughts, or I keep thinking about STDs/ infections. I’ve been having panic attacks lately, something I’ve never experienced, because of life changes and it’s all gotten in the way of my structured life and it’s been very uncomfortable. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in danger, or nothing is real. Right now I’m fearing the most that I’m losing my mind, who I am, and I’m just so scared of my mental health getting worse and going manic or developing a dangerous mental illness. My mental health has NEVER been this bad. This is all new and it’s so scary. I was just fine a few months ago, sure I was dealing with other OCD stuff, the intrusive thoughts, the fears, the repetitive actions just to make sure something is the way I want it/ brings me comfort. But ever since my structure was changed/ ruined, it’s all been downhill. I just finished an EMT program, and that messed with me. Saw/ experienced things I’ve never done before and man, it’s really messed with me. Working on getting a new job in healthcare but still don’t have insurance so getting a new OCD specialized therapist has been difficult. Can someone relate just so I don’t feel like I’m crazy?..

so i’m getting ready for school and i’m dressed and i tied my shoes and usually i wash my hands right after because the floor is one of my biggest triggers like it’s so dirty to me so yea but i pulled my sweater down after before washing my hands and now i feel like my sweater is dirty. i can’t change because i have no other clothes ready to wear and it’s time for me to leave. idk what to do 💔

My name is Lily. I’m from a small town in Colorado. I have had OCD since I was 6 but I was finally diagnosed at 9. I am constantly being bullied for being different and I came here to find others dealing with the sales things as me. I have never met another soul with OCD and no one in my area really knows what it is either. My most prominent OCD is sibling contamination OCD. I feel like my brother is dirty so I can’t touch him or anything in my own home. I can’t even touch the doors to leave without someone opening it for me or using gloves and washing my hands afterwards. I struggle everyday with anxiety which transferred over to harm and suicidal OCD. Whenever my anxiety gets to great I have to cut myself or sit on the roof and cry with my thoughts telling me to jump because I hurt my family emotionally. My parents call me a burden and my dad used to physically beat me. I’m trying to heal but all I can see in the mirror is a messed up 15 year old girl who is a burden to her family. Sometimes I wish I could just bring myself to the end and put my family out of their pain. I think I need someone with OCD to talk to.

Every time I feel like I'm doing something major that OCD has held me back from, or even just in a good headspace, something else will happen that sets me back of triggers my anger and hopelessness. This morning I felt so hopeless and didn't want to get out of bed. But I made myself get up, and order some groceries because I hadn't been eating much lately. Having a hard time with food prep and making sure everything is clean enough to use and eat. Anyway I ordered some stuff to have delivered bc I knew the stores would be packed on Sunday morning. I made coffee and started feeling like I could get some things done today I'd been avoiding, and that I could handle things. When I went down to grab the grocery bag that had been delivered, it was on the ground outside my building and it had some red spot on the outside, which is my biggest trigger with contamination right now. It was really discouraging and I got so, so angry. I know that there's not OCD god, and that things happen, and that I don't know what the red mark was, but I also don't know how to not worry that the person delivering it was bleeding or that I could use anything I got without worrying I'm in danger. Ive been desperately trying to find help and a therapist, even switched my insurance to see if it helped but I've had no luck and my life is unraveling right now. If anyone has any advice or encouragement, It would be greatly helpful.

I wash my hands More thank 10 times, I go to the bed and now, after 15 minutes, I want washing again ;( I feel I can touch everything way to my room: the door handle, the trash of kitchen, anything and my parent get mad about that and she gonna angry if I wash again now...I feel sick

How much longer do I have to endure this? I've been seeing a talk therapist for over 2 years, and my specialist for nearly 6 months, and I've only made a small amount of progress. What is the magic to getting better? I feel like I'm just treading water. And just saying I need to do things that are uncomfortable isn't cutting it, or else I wouldn't be in the situation I am. Who knows the answer and can help me? Who has dealt with these feelings and can offer me guidance on what works? My life is passing me by and year after year I'm merely existing. I was excited when I took the first step and reached out to a therapist 2 years ago, and hoped that I would get better soon. I've continued to have hope and get excited with each new step, but I'm still waiting; >for these feelings to go away, >to gain my time back, >to have the ability to live in a clean home, >to see my family, >to live my life, and enjoy each day again. Why am I still imprisoned by this?

im at work, coworker had an OPEN WOUND BLEEDING and did not cover it. i had to go get them a bandaid because they basically refused to wear one. there’s a scab on my face that i picked that i noticed was bleeding, wiped it either with my shirt or the back of my hand and put some aquaphor. but now im scared there’s a chance the blood could have somehow gotten into my face and through that cut and now i have some disease or something. im really scared.

how many others on here deal with emetophobia alongside their OCD? I just got diagnosed with OCD, and i’m currently trying to learn more about it. A lot of my OCD comes from my emetophobia, but i do however have other compulsions aside from that. The compulsions and thoughts i have that affect my life the most is definitely the contamination thoughts/emetophobia. it’s been so difficult for me

Hi guys. I'm asking for help on different ways of approaching groinal responses. Whenever I have intrusive thoughts, like really bad ones, I can feel my heartbeat "down there". I used to always associate it with arousal so now I just feel like I like thinking about the intrusive thoughts I've had about POCD and other stuff. It makes me take a shower everytime to "clean" myself but I need help because it's exhausting. Does a heartbeat down there always mean arousal? Do I make it happen because I just think "don't happen" a thousand times in my head?

Has anyone else struggled with handwashing in their OCD? I’m interested in hearing other stories about different experiences with it

Hi, I’ve never shared on here before so please forgive me if this is too much or is upsetting. I’m currently struggling and don’t know what to do/need to vent. Since I was a kid, I can remember asking my mom things like “if I touch this and then touch my mouth, will I get sick?” Or the same question but with “will I die?” at the end. I’ve been afraid of illness, especially stomach illnesses for pretty much my whole life. I’ve gotten very sick in the past after not properly washing my hands and then eating, and it has scared me ever since. Now I’m 25 and constantly wash my hands and use hand sanitizer. If I’m at home I’ll wash my hands in the bathroom, then wash my hands in the kitchen, and then use hand sanitizer. This cycle is driving me insane, but if I don’t do it I’ll have panic attacks, convinced that I’ll get sick. Today, when I was getting up to get ready for work I opened my trash can and saw maggots. I’m home alone right now and had to do all the clean up myself. I’m very afraid of getting sick from this, and called my boyfriend sobbing because of how gross the situation was, and because I was so afraid. He assured me that this happens when flies get in the house in the summer time, but I still can’t get past it. I’m so stressed out about cleaning the entire house. I’ve already showered once and washed my hair, but can’t bring myself to eat or drink because I’m afraid something bad will happen. I’ve been dealing with health anxiety for almost 20 years, and the fact that I spend almost every second of every day worrying about getting sick or dying is a painful reality. I have a difficult time being social, going to work, and being intimate. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel completely hopeless and trapped in my mind. Has anyone dealt with this before? I really need to get help, but I don’t have health insurance right now and am trying to avoid going to the hospital (even though I think I might need to).

Hi everyone! Unfortunately, I am an individual who loves cooking but also suffers from contamination OCD. This really impacts the enjoyment I get from cooking and has recently been stopping me from cooking all together. Any tips or similar experience appreciated (:

Contamination OCD sent me spiralling once before and now i have gotten into a new relationship it has come back. Bodily fluids came in contact with mine and I'm so scared of HIV even though i don't think he has it. I think this is all OCD, because last time, my fear of catching the disease was irrational, doctors and my therapist told me it was too. The uncertainty is horrible right now. I thought I could handle sex and everything but OCD won't let up. Any thoughts? I like this guy but OCD is scaring me so much and taking all the fun away

for the past 12 days i’ve really been struggling with feeling contaminated, over washing my hands yet they never feel clean, washing them so hard that i start to sweat and my arms give out. i feel like parts of my body are contaminated from being outside. instead of showering and washing my face like a normal person im avoiding myself because im afraid. im afraid that my hands will get contaminated and i wont stop washing my hands. (i know it doesn’t make sense but im experiencing a lot of stress that’s causing my bladder muscles to tighten and i can’t hold in my pee, i need my hands to be clean to even lower my pants) if i get stuck in a handwashing cycle ill pee myself and i never feel brave enough to start. this week has been very hard for me, struggling to eat, sleep, and bathe. i feel i have to move very carefully just to navigate life in a way that won’t stress me out. the fear of touching these areas and my brain constantly convincing me i did had been very hard on me. i know the answer is obvious but i don’t know how to build up the confidence to do these things. i’ve been in a very stressed out and suicidal state for the past month i really dont want to trigger any negative feelings but this isn’t any better. what can i do to just… i guess not be afraid and go for it?

Does anyone ever experience their OCD themes shifting extremely quickly? This has been going on for the past few months. I keep flicking through health concern, contamination, psychosis and sexual orientation.

I have realized my fear is a bit different from people who just have emetophobia but not ocd, even when the phobia mimics obsessive compulsive symptoms. They fear the actual act of being ill, and all of the gross stuff that happens with it. They also have a fear of not being in control. I have found that I moreso fear contamination. While I would be okay with being sick from a spinny ride, what would cause me to not be able to overcome it would be the fear that it was because I was actually sick with norovirus. This is perhaps because my body would not mend itself immediately after being sick one time if I caught something. The idea of being infected with something foreign disturbs me deeply. I also feel as if everything will be ruined if I am sick, that the world will end. I get comfort from remembering that the things and people I love would still be there, that they wouldn’t be contaminated or gone, which is something I don’t see with just emetophobics.

What do you do when your main support person is giving up on you and threatening to have you committed because they are tired of dealing with your OCD? It wasn’t even that big of a deal, but then her anger led to a traumatic moment of triggers that just escalated the situation to a level 10. I’m trying my best and felt like I was finally making some progress doing ERP, but then she just told me today she was going to call 911 and have them come get me and take me away because she’s over dealing with my OCD. I feel so lost and alone and worthless. I have contamination OCD, so it’s not like I can just leave for a couple days or something. I don’t know what to do. I just feel so awful for making someone else feel like they want to have me taken away. I’m so scared and sad and feeling like it would be better if I did go away.

Idk how to help myself bc I don’t understand what I’m thinking or why. I constantly feel disconnected from the world around me and I don’t trust anything I do. I don’t trust myself not to do things. For example, I find washing my hair rly difficult because I don’t trust that I haven’t poured bleach over my hands or something causing my hair to get damaged. It’s rly random, but it’s almost always contamination and chemical based. Idk what to do anymore.

I don't. OCD has its pitfalls, its horrors, and its crippling themes. But why do I have to constantly focus on its harmful symptoms in order to overcome its harmful symptoms? My experience with OCD forced me to perseverate on so many meaningless things. Even worse, it forced me to RUMINATE on shameful, terrifying, and traumatic memories, thoughts, and feelings. I've obsessed over religion and morality, sexual orientation, cleanliness and illnesses. When I was in my teens, undiagnosed OCD lead me down the dreadful path of anorexia and bulimia. I was obsessed with my weight and fitness. I was thinking magically, forcing myself to knock three times on bona-fide wood with my right hand only to stop myself from jinxing something. I sometimes still repeat prayers, asking God to show me a sign regarding some unforeseeable event in the unknown distant future. I would say "God, if I'm going to get fired from work today, then let me find a parking spot!" Needless to say, I always found a parking spot and then went into work shaking like a leaf all day. Looking back, I wager that that alone helped me be one of the lowest performing employees in the lot. And oh boy, was I frightened as all get-out when I thought - believed - I was HOMOSEXUAL! (The audience gasps). What if, though, I wasn't homosexual... What if I was worse? What if I wanted to hurt... God, please no. I can't stop. It won't stop. MAKE IT STOP! How do I stop this? I have no idea. I need to learn how to stop this. I need to learn. I need to learn everything. If I don't KNOW FOR SURE, then how can I BE sure that I am none of those things? How can I be sure nothing bad will happen? Maybe... Just maybe, I can Google the answer. I just have to be smart while doing research... (12 hours and many BS websites later) By this time, I haven't eaten, showered, brushed my teeth, slept, or drank water. I would crawl up and out of isolated research, checking, rechecking, rereading and reassuring myself... Only to later find out that my attempts at quelling the insatiable obsessions were in vain. My compulsive activities only bolstered my fears, and I lost all of my insight, leaving me paranoid and almost clinically psychotic. I felt hopeless, and so I drank into oblivion. Only when I was sloshed and seeing stars did I find peace and sleep (albeit very dissatisfying sleep, and the peace was just a lie I told myself until I believed it). I took medication that doctors told me would help, but I drank away all the benefits of those prescriptions. On the other hand... Did you know that anxiety is not just an emotion, but an instinct? We adapted it throughout evolution to help us survive before civilization. If you are a creationist, the idea still stands: it is an alarm that warms us when the enemy is near. Isn't that nifty information. I wonder how I can use that... Did you also know that perseveration is the umbrella term used for multiple psychological diagnoses that means to fixate on one thing - emotion, thoughts, or external things - for longer than normal periods of time? It's associated with autism, ADHD, OCD and other anxiety disorders, depression, and more. Fancy that. You know... now that I'm sober and continuing therapy, I look back on the dreadful days wasted obsessing over themes of my own design, acting compulsively to eliminate them only to find out I made them stronger, and I realize that I've actually learned quite a lot of useful information. Through compulsive checking, I accidentally learned how deeply rooted OCD is in my genes. Instead, I was trying to learn the signs of being 100% gay. Now I realize that I'm just some bisexual dude with anxiety. I also learned that mindfulness meditation isn't just a Buddhist idea. It actually spans across every continent, every culture, in different forms. Pacific Island cultures practiced a form of meditation where a person would focus their gaze on a single point, without looking away. Blinking was necessary, of course, but their goal was to notice things in their periphery, as muted and blurry as those things might be. How amazing is that? I don't want to beat OCD, but I certainly do not want to let OCD overtake me again. I would say that "OCD once beat me", but it didn't. If it truly won, then I wouldn't be able to share this with anyone. I wouldn't be able to look back and say to myself "That experience taught me a lot about myself and the nature of OCD." Today, I can share my experiences and knowledge with others and I can say with 100% certainty that there is hope. The light at the end of the tunnel does not need to be checked and turned off and on multiple times. Instead, it can be what it is - the light at the end of the tunnel. So, I've quit drinking for good. I am continuing therapy, and I am aiming to restart medication management on top of all that. OCD may have taken a lot of time, energy, and health from me in the past, and as much as I WANT to completely get rid of it... I can't. It is a terminal diagnosis... So, how can I use it to benefit others? Well, I'm doing that right now by writing this. If it has become an issue, then that is okay. Asking for help does not mean defeat; it means refusal to give up. Embrace the unknown, and go forward fearlessly.