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Since last night my Harm OCD flared up really bad and I'm still dealing with it today😞If anyone is able to talk please let me know

I’m looking for my harm/suicidal ocd people here to shed some light and hope. I’m not asking for reassurance (I know we can’t do that with OCD) but just people who can share their experiences and what has worked for them in dealing with and overcoming this awful theme. Thanks in advance.

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

I’m so scared I don’t even know if this is OCD at this point. I keep having horrible intrusive thoughts on acting upon my worst fear and the feelings and thoughts are so strong and intense I’m genuinely convinced I might lose control and do something horrible. It feels to real and it’s so constant that I don’t trust myself at all. There are times where it even feels relieving to think about doing something horrible even though it’s the opposite of what I want so feeling like that is so confusing and it’s convincing me I’ve become my worst fear. I’ve been trying everything to avoid anything that brings these thoughts and feelings up because I’m just so scared I’m going to snap and do something horrible. I have therapy soon and I’m really glad about that but I’m scared to tell this to my therapist because I don’t know what’s going to happen. I just need to know I’m not the only one who experiences this because I feel like I’ve just gone crazy at this point. I’m so scared that this isn’t OCD.

Hi. I struggle with intrusive thoughts a lot and I don’t know how to deal with it. They scare me so much I end up crying. I have many panic attacks because of them. I don’t want to sound crazy. I swear I would never think these things but sometimes when I’m near people or something a random thought “I hope you die” comes in my head. And I would never wish that on anyone. And the worst part is, it happens with people i love and care for so much. I know these thoughts aren’t me. I swear they aren’t but I still get so anxious about them. They make me feel like I have to tell the person it involves and I don’t want to do that. I’ll sound crazy. I’ll sound horrible. I’d never wish that on anyone. I care for everyone and everything whether I know them or not. Idk what to do. I obsess over these thoughts even tho I know it’s not me. Currently crying writing this.

Whenever I have thoughts about things that are hard for me to handle I have intrusive thoughts about letting myself die and go to hell and I'm tired and I'm worried that I carelessly agreed that I wanted to die and go to hell and now I'm scared what if I ended up agreeing to it!? I'm panicking. I know God knows my heart and I'm really tired and the thought happened when I was under stress but I had an intrusive thought saying I wanted to die like that and I think I carelessly agreed to it (although I know fighting your thoughts makes OCD worse)

I’ve suddenly developed these obsessive thoughts not even 2 days ago. “What if I’m a pedophile” “what if I want to harm children” I’ve been researching a lot seeing the differences, I can’t sleep or eat because it’s keeping me up. I’ve never had thoughts like these, I’ve never had/don’t have intentions of harming a child or anything like that. But I still have an irrational fear and I don’t know what to do. I just want this to be over and to have reassurance that I’m not and that I’m a normal person but I know that if I do It’s just going to get worst. I’ve never even had thoughts like these before but I question if I did in the past and I didn’t remember. I don’t have access to therapy either I feel like I’m going crazy and I don’t think I’ll get better. I want it to be like how it was before being normal and living my life without this.

I’m not in therapy or anything yet, and I also don’t have any official ocd diagnosis, but someone gave me the advice to watch some shows/youtube videos related to my fear and linked a video..and I’m really scared to watch. How do you prepare for an exposure? I’m worried I’ll like it even though I know it’s against how I feel. I’m scared to hear about people who actually do these horrible things. I don’t know how to watch it and then go about my day afterwards. Any advice? Maybe you’re not supposed to prepare, cause I know that’s probably the point is it’s exposing you to something you fear that you’re avoiding right? I don’t know.

My false memory is of me assaulting another human and to make it worse it has a real detail being a towel radiator. I tried to guess what I would’ve been leaning on if I was standing in a specific place in a room I went in yearsss ago and I kinda just guessed a towel radiator and to my shock looking back at the old pictures I got it right…I don’t remember assaulting anyone though? It’s scaring me as yes the towel radiator was there but I do not recall harming another human it’s sooo against my nature even drunk. So now my ocd is using that towel radiator against me saying my whole false memory must be real as it has a real detail? I know it’s probably laughable to some people but my whole life is being ruined right now by a radiator. I’ve spoken to a therapist who kept saying she didn’t really understand what it’s got to do with the false memory. My family and partner keep assuring me I would never do that and to just move on. So why can’t I move on?! Anyone dealt with anything remotely similar?

I always get images of things that I severely don’t want to have. It gets better as the day goes on but I feel that whenever I make mistakes or there’s an accident (for instance my fingers accidentally grazed a students “area” when I was trying to get my pen) make me feel insanely guilty and that I want to hurt myself to compensate. For that instance I told my boss right away and she didn’t make it a big deal because it was such a swift and accidental occurrence, but that moment kept/keeps replaying in my head and I feel like a monster. Also, when I let a student use my phone to look at a picture for reference (art project) there was a search I made about birth control and how to know when to take a pregnancy test. I didn’t think much of it because I have absolutely nothing bad in my phone, but now I feel like I might be some groomer or monster. I definitely should go back to therapy but I just want to see if anybody had similar experiences/fears.

Intoxicated I believe I done a horrific crime (r*pe) to a lady walking by when I was walking home on my own, evidence starting to come alight to me more and more like I had a two cuts in my knuckles & a scram on my chest, I found underwear in my laundry basket with a stain in but don’t know if that’s from that night 80% positive it was, I use to have OCD as a teen but thought it went but all the mix of alcohol I’m unsure what to do next however nothings came of the night, what shall I do next?

I used to be terrified of driving. I’d get a pit in my stomach telling me I would die or cause a terrible accident. It was very visual. Almost close to panic/or sometimes even panicking. And normally connected to my husband dying. With ERP, I learned to do it anyway and I learned to tap into the motivation to drive (see family, be independent). I live in a city where I normally take public transport but this week I was visiting a place where I had to drive. This week, I drove without my “safe person” in an unfamiliar place on huge highways and I was absolutely fine. I was bored, yes. I was annoyed at times, yes. But by the end of my trip here, I realized driving can actually even be pleasant. I absolutely prefer public transport for a whole host of reasons but I know I can drive even while feeling uncomfortable. The intrusive visual images and pit in the stomach feelings almost feel like old memories than present day intrusive thoughts. Is that the point of ERP? To get comfortable with these intrusions to the point that they don’t bother us? Don’t get me wrong, I have another trip coming up where I will be doing a lot of driving and ocd has latched onto that. But it’s less intense. I’m more comfortable with those feelings of anxiety. I can recognize that the images my brain gives me are just images, not reality. I can choose the narrative.

I’ve had some seriously disturbing images going through my brain. Im debating on admitting myself. The thoughts are so traumatizing I can’t stop crying I don’t know what to do

IDK WHY I HAVE THIS FEAR and even if i know that this is not logic im still scared that im a psyhopath like omg im so scared how do i get over this im so scared this fesr hase been here for 2 months does anyone have advice?

I'm freaking out because I saw a tiktok on cocsa and now I'm afraid I did it when I was super little. I had to be like 6 or so but I can't remember, i just remember being little, not even 10 yet i dont think. I remember i was with my younger brother and my dad and we were all playing hide and seek in a hotel. And then me and my younger brother were hiding in the bathroom. I remember us giggling and then I remember making him lift his shirt? Or us taking turns lifting our shirts? Then im not sure if we showed each other our genitalia or not, or if his pants were down. I genuienly cant remember but i think we did (me and a friend in lile 1st grade got in trouble for doing that once, so i wouldnt put it past me and i keep getting a vague memory of it so maybe we did). Then i remember kissing his stomach before my dad was like 'what are you guys doing?'. And we both just laughed and left the bathroom. When I was really young, I was exposed to porn and it messed up my brain. I dont think it was innocent even though I didn't understand like what I was doing because I was really little. Hes from my dads side (who i dont talk to anymore) so i havent seen or spoke to him in years. I weve gotten along before we stopped talking though, but still. What if I traumatized him?? What of I did cocsa or intended to/almost did?? What if he doesn't remember now but will remember later and be traumatized??

Why must my OCD always make up the scariest scenarios to torment me with. Some guy was hitting on me on reddit and the convo didn't get far before I just blocked him but now my OCD is like 'he's gonna be mad and DOX YOU/STALK YOU' huh??? how did we get here?? now I wanna compulsively delete my account .. These new meds better kick in fast T-T

I don't know what to do or how to stop this : ( if anyone has advice please, please let me know! It's happening to me that whenever I watch/read TV at night, get into an argument with a loved one, or haven't talked to them for a while I start to have intrusive thoughts/images that they're gonna get fatally hurt. For example, about seven months ago I had a car accident. I don't think I was left necessarily traumatized, but rather every time I have (the previously mentioned) intrusive thoughts I begin to reimagine my loved ones in that same (or similar) situations... and no matter how much I try to NOT acknowledge them...they often lead me to having anxiety or panic attacks. The only way that I seem to be able to stop these intrusive thoughts is by sleeping it off… but then that leaves to lack of productivity throughout the day and affects my life… I try my best to not give in into compulsions…especially because I also have dermatillomania so I KNOW that if I DO give in…it’ll end up bad. I’ve tried writing things down to see if it helps to calm me down. Although that did work for a while, I’ve started to feel/think that if I write my thoughts down they’ll increase possibility of actually happening :( so I’ve stopped doing that for a while now. I don’t know what to do anymore!

I have a really weird question. I don't know if I have OCD however I feel like I am having intrusive thoughts because of porn so I try and stop watching it but I can't even go 7 days without it. Forms of OCD are POCD and SO OCD, in the past back in high school I might have had harmful OCD, I was afraid of hurting girlfriends and friends I had and because of those thoughts, I pushed them away and made them hate me on purpose.

I have really bad self harm urges that honestly consume and debilitate me, does anyone else have this and have you found a solution to it? I don’t know if medication helps. If more therapy helps. Let me know if you have been through this and have found a solution. I would love to get back to normal life

I haven’t posted here in a while. I’ve been in ERP therapy and it’s been slow but I feel better, even though it’s only been a few months. The problem is, we’re starting slow because my trigger is sharp objects, and I think I made a mistake. The guy i’m seeing is at work and asked me to prep dinner by cutting the chicken and I thought even though i haven’t used a sharp object to cut meat in MONTHS, I thought I maybe could do it. Well, I cut the chicken and it was extremely thick, and made me have the worst intrusive thoughts. Did I mess up? I’m kind of freaking out. Did I get satisfaction from cutting into a thick meat? I’m scared