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the NOCD Community

i am always constantly worried about my relationship with my boyfriend i beene you for 7months it’s my first real relationship and ik he won’t hurt me but i js always overthink cus of weird things he done (nothing bad js weird) im struggling trying to be happy and tbh im not even over the age i just want help. i hate my body i want to be healthy and quit smoking i want help so bad im failing school im trying but i dont get nothing like i feel like im actually dumb like im in the 10th and i cant get my shit together. my parents constantly fight i constantly fight with my boyfriend but it’s because we’re young and don’t understand much. i’m just struggling and my parents or friends can’t help me and most of all i can’t help my self im only 15 im about to be a adult and im so unorganized i struggle talking about my feelings i struggle trynna make good choices. i just need help💔

Anyone feel anxious about their health but afraid to go to the doctor? I have concerns for my health that I just can't shake off but I'm just scared to see a doctor because of the anxiety. I guess it's the worry of being diagnosed with something really awful and something that will kill me but when I've gone to get checked everytime I turned out better than I thought I was.

I am starting medication and it is stressing me out. My parents are very against putting me on medication bc they are worried about the potential side effects. My dad told my mum it is up to her whether or not to do it and my mum is very worried but said fine as i was pushing for it. I am scared that if those side effects do happen my mum will blame herself and my dad will hate her. I am so upset bc i love my mum so much and do not want to do this to her but i feel i want to try this.

For months now, ever since one accident (which I think was because there was genuinely sth wrong with my bladder) I have been scared of just randomly peeing myself. So whenever I’m for example in a car, I get anxious and then that leads to me feeling like I need to pee and then I can’t stop focusing on it and obviously that makes me feel even more like I need to pee which leads to me going to the toilet only shortly after I had already been. And yesterday I was at a theme park and the queues to the rollercoasters were absolute hell for me since you can’t go outside anymore after going in (especially because sometimes I was alone so if I had gone outside, they wouldn’t have let me back in for sure). And I was on a water coaster so I sat on an already wet seat and just got more wet throughout because the people who were also in that boat specifically sat down in a way that would get their side more wet because of the weight on that side and sadly I ended up on that side too. But after that I went to another rollercoaster where I proceeded to stand for over an hour. And at some point I started to notice having to go to the toilet (I had been before going on the water coaster but the wait time there was only 1 minute so I had been like 50 minutes ago at that point), but the wait lines in that coaster are insane and it was difficult to get out of the queue in the first place so I decided to push though and get those 15 minutes over with. So I was on the rollercoaster and then instantly I ran to the toilet, but on the toilet I noticed that, at the very back of my underwear there was a wet spot. And then I started to Panik, thinking I must’ve magically peed myself on the rollercoaster despite not having felt anything (I barely enjoyed the rollercoaster because I was so hyper aware of every single sensation, wasted a first row experience on ts). But like, the wetness was on the height of my back pockets so really far on the sides where my pee hole can’t even actually reach. And I also never noticed myself peeing myself because that would’ve obviously realised warmth but I didn’t feel any warmth. And the pants had been wet all the time and I remember having felt that wet spot while still standing in the queue so it would’ve been impossible for me to just pee upwards while standing. It was also not that big of a wet spot and on my pants you could only feel the wetness but not see it. But yea, this still has me thinking because obviously that would’ve been horrifically embarrassing. Do y’all think this is even possible because of the positioning of the wet spot? Because my brain doesn’t allow my own logic of things

So ever since I was little now that I think about it I might have had ocd I would had what some would call rocd and have intrusive thoughts like I hate god or I sold my soul obviously being a kid I didn't know what ocd was cause I always thought it was about organization and etc but everytime I would have to do mental compulsion like everytime I got a thought like that I had to ask for forgiveness I eventually stopped as I got older and now I would call myself an agnostic but at the start of this year I started having intrusive thoughts about harming myself and others after I was having bad panic attack every day due to stress I obviously could tell I was not doing okay so started researching and found out about schizophrenia(worst thing I have ever done)my brain automatically went hyperaware of everything,every sound,vision etc also scared that I would go insane and hurt someone so anytime I would hear something or see anything I would get terrified thinking I could be hallucinating I remember even getting my mom to take me to the hospital it was so bad even tried to go to the 7th floor which is the floor for mentally ill patients but they just brushed it off and said it was probably due to anxiety so fast forward I start seeing a doctor he also said he didn't think I was schizophrenic after telling him a he prescribed me medication ssri 100mg He started actually doing better got another job and started doing well I still had the thoughts and fear of schizophrenia but didn't bother me that's when I had the thought what if my brother is trying to kill me that's when it spiraled with these thoughts having paranoid thoughts about what if people are plotting against me and not what ifs but they are but I 1000000000% don't believe them and know that's crazy no one is plotting or trying to hurt me but I became obsessed with this new thought and the new theme switched,I mean technically the same theme cause it is the fear of schizophrenia but the thoughts changed I guess probably because I researched so much about schizophrenia now I'm even more scared I'm becoming schizophrenic cause these paranoid thoughts worry me because I start to think what if I believe them like I know I don't but what if I do,I always see that schizophrenic are paranoid about this and I know I don't believe them but it's like my mind is always thinking about it I mean I could literally be walking outside,shopping,doing whatever I'm doing see someone and have the thought there plotting against me or trying to kill me and I'm like what noooooo what the hell who thinks that,a schizophrenic of course and I have to constantly research everyday my symptoms of paranoid thinking and it's hard because I hear everybody else relate to being scared of developing it but mine really does like I'm having actual paranoid thoughts that again I know is insane and not true I even got a therapist she also said she doesn't believe I have it but trauma she didn't say anything about ocd though so it's like what is it then schizophrenia these thoughts just distress me so much cause what if I start believing them and they feel so real cause most people have what ifs mine are they are but I still 1000000% don't believe them

I went through ERP which helped a little but starting ICBT to hopefully help with rumination. I deal with suicidal ocd mainly which originally was a lot of specific harm thoughts and has now turned into “do I wanna do something” “am I depressed” and over analyzing everything that has to do with mental health. I’m on 20 of Prozac, have been for a couple months. My anxiety has almost went away but this week I’ve been concerned that I’m developing depression (for the first time ever), but I’m just not sure. I feel off. I feel “blah”. I’m worried that I’m not caring as much about things I did before. I’m ruminating a lot. Does anyone have any advice or insight? It’s really bothering me. I don’t want to freak out over this but want to prevent depression getting bad.

I have to go to a halloween party this weekend and im so stressed and and anxious and afraid. I have constant fear but not just because of that, idk for some reason my mental health is really bad these days and that makes me so afraid. All i feel is fear all day about everything and i start to feel depressed about it. I had a bigger illness last week and i had to take antibiotics, idk if that did something to me cause i dont feel like myself, im so scared of everything. I dont find help for fear cause all i hear is to face your fear but noone says how just "buckle up" and thats not helpful, or when i have health fears the usual advice i get is to make sure youre okay but i dont like that cause then i have to make sure all the time that im healthy... I feel like i will get depressed soon cause i really want to enjoy this party but i cant because of the fear. And if you ask me what is the fear, i cant tell it, thats why im afraid more, maybe theres something wrong with me(with my health) maybe the illness did something or the antibiotics and now im like this... I just know that the fear its like when youre depressed and that makes you view everything in a depressive way, like the fear about the party isnt the main problem, i have fears about the party cause i have fear and i view everything by that glass... Idk what is the main problem and in afraid that theres a health problem... Or maybe the health anxiety is the main problem... idk but i dont know what to do with the fear it just doesnt want to go away, and i start to be afraid of everything and i miss my old self. I just saw the people who will be on tge party and i remembered that i used to go with these people to party when i was in university, and then i rememberd i was so different back then, i went alone to alot of places and i wasnt scared. Now im scared to go with people i know, im scared of my reactions, im scared of having a panic attack, im scared of not enjoying and being depressed after it cause i cant enjoy anything... but i know this isnt the main problem... I still struggle with fear of panic attack, idk how people reach the state where they dont fear it anymore... I miss my old self, i wish i wouldnt be afraid and i could enjoy the party...

my ocd has been overthinking like crazy about how i eat and the symptoms with it too… i believe i have acid reflux but i’m so scared if i have a hital hernia because at night i somewhat feel nauseous and idk why… but i also belch a lot even when i feel nauseous and eat ofc. but i googled… sighs. and i looked up what the symptoms were for hital hernia. the symptoms were nausea, belching, had abdominal pain on left the other day, a few weeks ago i had heartburn everytime i was eating and drinking… , sometimes i would have a throat irritation… But i also get scared if i’m binge eating and i’m like wait “what if i have an eating disorder…” it gets me scared like if i do and do not want that but i’m scared of that and i’m scared if i have a hital hernia…

I’d really appreciate any guidance or help people can provide. For context I’ve basically been struggling with OCD for a long time- probably from about the age of 13, however I was only properly diagnosed around the age of 21 (I’m now 28). I’ve seen a variety of therapists but only found a specialised OCD therapist at the age of 23. I’ve experienced a lot of themes from health OCD to religious themes to harm OCD. However the OCD type that has bothered me the most is sexual orientation OCD. Whilst the other themes have diminished with the help of exposure therapy, this seems to be the hardest to shake. Whilst I identify as a straight female I cant shake the doubt that I may be in denial and this isn’t actually my OCD. I think what’s making this spike so hard is that I had been effectively OCD free for four years. Through ERP with my therapist I had managed to fight back at my SOCD, met a wonderful man who I’ve now been in a relationship with for 5 years and been married for one year. Whilst we were in the butterflies in the tummy phase and planning our wedding, I never once thought about the possibility that I could be gay or bisexual. I was so in love with him that it didn’t matter to me. For context this is the only person I’ve had a meaningful relationship with or been intimate with. Basically we’ve settled into married life now and our relationship has changed, as it should to a commitment kind of love rather than that passion that consumes you kind of love. I think this combined with several negative events including the death of a family member, me experiencing my own physical health problems and extreme work stresses have made my OCD rear its ugly head. Despite my understanding of my condition and how it works, I keep thinking I’m in denial and secretly have been fighting against my sexuality all along. It’s particularly confusing when you have groinal responses and other things that prompt you to think you actually are gay. I’d like to emphasise that I am not in anyway homophobic. It’s more about my identity and my sexuality changing. Apologies for the long post I just feel as though it helps to give context.

I saw a post saying that thinking about something for a while will bring it to you. Now I’m scared and panicking because I think about illnesses and getting a disease almost everyday. What should I do? Im very scared

I got a cold and its been more than a week now and i still have symptoms, and im worrying alot. I have problems still with fear, i cant sit with it. Im working on sitting with sadness and it helps alot but with fear and sometimes with anger its hard cause it feeds itself. If im sitting with the fear of having a health problem, it just gets worse, then i start to think about what should i do, and it gets worse cause i worry more and more. I was checked by a doctor and got meds but im still worrying that i should go back, and now im worrying about having other problems, i should go check out everything, but im afraid they will find something...Im trying to expose myself slowly, i will go get my heart checked cause i want to start training, then if im not recovered then i will get a check up on my sinuses, im willing to do these, but then im also worried what if i have cancer or any other illness, and i have to do alot of check ups that i dont wan to but if i dont do it then im ignoring my health and im keep worrying and it doesnt stop. Today i heard black mold is dangerous to you and i know we have some kind of mold in the bathroom and im worrying alot about that too.. And thats my problem with fear it doesnt stops until i force myself to push it away. If i just sit with it it feeds itself and im keep being stuck and now i start to not enjoy things and im afraid i will get depressed... Is there a way to go through fear without getting certainty about things? Like my health? Alot of people share this mindset that you have to go to check if everything is okay but i dont find that good..

I started work again this year after not working for a few years. I was fine for the first couple of months, then I started to notice anxiety creeping back in and stress, couple of weeks ago my ocd flared up and I couldn’t sleep. I’m thinking maybe the job I have is too stressful for me. It’s not that the job is a trigger for me and to continue would be a good form of exposure, it’s that it’s a high stress job, and maybe not good for my health overall. Anyone else with experience in this?

This is my first post.. For years now I’ve had a severe fear of getting an STD, having one would make me feel unlovable and undesirable. It first started when my mom allowed homeless people to live in our garage, use our bathroom, and other parts of the house. I feel like that is understandable, they are dirty people and everything in my house became disgusting after their arrival. That was about five years ago, I moved out a few days ago. After awhile of them being at that house, I often found myself worrying about the toilet seats and shower and so I would stand to pee (I’m female), cover the seat with toilet paper when I had to go #2, and wear shoes in the shower. Failing to do any would cause me to obsess over thinking I got an STD. After some more time it got worse, I wouldn’t touch my mom, doorknobs, handles, or anything in the house without a paper towel or something to protect my skin. Even if I was running late, I had to find something to open the door so my skin wasn’t contaminated. The anxiety spread to the outside world as well. I don’t touch doors or anything many people have including money. If I have to touch it my fingers start tingling and feel dirty until I get to wash my hands. As I mentioned earlier, I moved. I turned 18 on the 19th of October and really want to get better. I’m unsure how to get over my fear of STDs, it feels like anything I listed could result in catching an STD if I touch a dirty door and then go to the bathroom I feel I could get one. It’s exhausting and I wish I didn’t, does anyone else deal with this? Any advice? Please help😭

Has anyone have had any experience with prozac (fluoxotine)? I have to take it and I'm very much afraid of the side effects like suicidal thoughts, more anxiety, but over that I have MAAJOR anxiety about having serotonin syndrome..

Hi all, I'm thinking of starting back on medication because my anxiety is too severe to cope but I'm also really scared of starting medication. How was your experience with it? What helped? How do you fair with dissociation and medication? Any advice or experiences would be appreciated!

I'm trying not to google, but I remember reading dozens of times that there are peds who feel bad for being peds. And actually there are communities? (i don't know how to call them) of non offending peds, who I'm guessing don't want to act on their thoughts because they know it's wrong. I have never ever done anything bad, but my fear is that the attraction is there. It feels completely real. My brain gives me reasons why. My chest feels so heavy. I'm trying to push through but I can't think of anything else. I am on meds now. I've been for 4 weeks. But what if that doesn't work either. HELP!!!!!

Long post ahead . I appreciate you if you read this . What are signs of depression? I have a fear of it , and I will say I have experienced depression before I think , with thinking things will never be the same and thoughts like I don’t even care anymore but it all started because of my suicidal ocd (I haven’t been diagnosed ) but I have bad health anxiety and death anxiety waaay before this , and then one day had an intrusive image of self harm and it was so distressing all I wanted to do was sleep the thoughts away couldn’t eat talking about it stressed me out and caused me so much anxiety so I know that was I think depression . But now because of this theme I am scared of either falling back into it or fear of getting it because I link it to said theme . I do feel sad sometimes but I feel as if it’s because of the thoughts and wanting to so badly go away ! And I will say even before this I was happy never experienced depression in my life my family does not have a history with it nor has ANYONE in my family “s” themselves . And my brain keeps telling me I’ll be the first . My brain also keeps telling me the weathers getting colder your gonna experience depression so then that makes my anxiety spike and I get a warm sensation over my body . I’ve always loved the fall and cold ALWAYS , now I’m terrified . Is depression always that bad ? Ugh 😣

Okay, so I have gotten cold sores in the past. I am aware cold sores are a type of herpes, but I was under the impression it was extremely different. Last year I told my friends when I got my first cold sore. when I have an active cold sore I would never share drinks with people or food or anything like that. I would however share food and drinks when I didn’t have any. honestly, I was never thinking about that and forgot that I even get them. My friends apparently had no idea cold sores were herpes. they all sat me down for an intervention last night and lit into me about spreading hsv1 to them and are forcing me to get a blood test and them as well. I am under the impression that if I am positive and so are they, they most likely won’t be my friends anymore. I never hid the fact I had a cold sore ever. in my head i’m confused because I don’t see how it is my fault they didn’t know a cold sore was a type of herpes. another part of me is so confused because my parents and everyone i’ve ever talked to has told me a cold sore is literally no big deal at all. I’m so shocked i’m losing friends over this, and that it is all coming up right now. I feel i may be in the wrong for it, but i’m honestly super hurt and upset with them now for ganging up on me and yelling at me for this for over half an hour last night. This is making me struggle with my mental health and I don’t even feel comfortable in my house any more. These next few weeks while I wait for their tests are going to be so anxiety inducing. Am i crazy?? Are they 100% valid? Did i really do a horrible thing??

I am honestly desperate to try anything, I tried prozac and it works but it makes me gain weight which makes my body image issues even worse, so I need help. Has anyone tried it?

I spend a lot of my time throughout days searching online for the things I struggle with because I guess it's how I can try to find closure about what I'm going through. That being my porn and sex addiction and my health in regards to it. I spend so much time searching online what my health conditions could be or what my mental conditions are like, and this time it's been about my sexual health. I look on health forums with doctors that can tell people their problems and I try to use those links to compare my concerns with other people to see if they're very similar. This usually doesn't put my worries to rest but I can't help but keep doing it time and time again. One time though, a link came up and it was a minor that asked about something along the lines of the same problem. The issue is people can post pictures about their sexual health concerns and I always acknowledge that it's an adult but if it doesn't say I don't click on it. If it does, I do. But when it involved the minor, I had no idea of the person's age before clicking the link, it loaded up their age in the sub paragraph text and it showed images and I instantly clicked off and stopped searching reassurance online. I felt so awful about this. I didn't want to see that. I wanted nothing to do with minors about this, only adults. I posted about this before and someone told me that doctors have to look at these kinds of things often, whether they are adults or minors. And it makes sense from that perspective because they need to treat those people as best as they can. It's in their field. But I'm just a patient just like those people. I didn't want to see that and if I knew that they were 16 before opening it, I wouldn't have opened it at all. Not at all. I hate that this happened and it just makes me feel really disgusted in myself. I realize that all of my problems come from my porn and sex addiction and I just want it to stop for good. None of this would have happened if I just didn't struggle with this for most of my life and I would have never been so concerned with my sexual health if I didn't act out on my impulsive addiction just to chase a stupid high. This stuff makes me feel weak, embarrassing, and just pathetic sometimes. I just hate having to deal with this time and time again.