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I feel like me and my best friend and ending for many reasons but when I talk to her about it she says it’s really all in my head and she doesn’t feel it at all. What is going on??

Everytime i try, my attraction to men is always just constantly underminded by constant intrusive thoughts. I just feel like what excuse do i have at this point. Im so unstable i cant tell up from down. Id feel like myself one day, and the next im convinced i have 0 attraction to men anymore, so what choice do i have but be straight, just to have a crush on a dude the next day. Being thrown through the ringer just kills me. It feels like my personality is being rewritten day by day, and I cant tell which thoughts are real anymore.

I was doing really well until yesterday, where the goalpost was moved and my grounding and mindfulness exercises werent working. I eventually lapsed in a panic attack in the middle of the night. Today i just feel like im wasting away, my body is weak, i feel sick, I cant summon any motivation. I havent really given in to my thoughts, but i really dont have the energy to care rn.

Hi! I don’t even know what I’m trying to get from this, I think I just need to get it out of my system around people who know what OCD feels like. I have a partner which I love a lot, I feel like we have a great, healthy relationship, we communicate a lot. She never got to know me at my really ill or ,lowest points‘ with OCD. I’ve been relatively stable for some time, but I have this big fear of getting bad again, making her feel bad, having breakdowns in front of her and now tonight I had a panic attack because I kept spiralling. (Intrusive thoughts about how I might be manipulating her, might be bad for her) It’s like I start feeling bad and then I try to force my way out of it but I can’t, and instead I panic and start rambling and scaring myself because I sound incoherent or stumble upon my words, and then I panic that I’m disturbing her and/or losing my mind and destroying our relationship by exposing her to this part of me. I feel like rationally I know I don’t have to freak out but there’s still this terrified little child inside of me that will completely panic and hate myself in these moments. I guess I just would like for someone to say they understand what this feels like or that they’ve been through something similar. I just feel like I desperately want to say the right thing, and not behave like the weirdest person ever, but the more I want that, the more I freak out. Aaah. I don’t want to go back to this mess. And I don’t want to drag her into it. Right now I wish I could just erase the past hour and apologize in the right, correct way, as to soothe her and redo everything weird I said - but I know that’s just my need to control everything aka my compulsions nagging at me :(

I’m here because I’m looking for help. I’ve tried CBT but my therapist isn’t specialized in OCD and I don’t know what else to do. I’m terrified all the time, I wear a mask every day and wash my hands till they are raw. I don’t know what to do, I didn’t have anywhere near the levels of anxiety and depression before the pandemic that I have since the pandemic started, I am terrified of everything, I had Covid once but I am terrified that I’m a ticking time bomb because it does cause long lasting symptoms and can disable or kill you even after one infection and that’s what terrifies me. I’m forced to go into the office with people who don’t mask and don’t care about coughing up a lung and not covering it up. I can’t sleep without feeling like something is wrong with my heart or my body and I am constantly afraid of going out and being around people and crowds. I’m terrified of Covid and getting it again and losing my life and quality of life because of it. I’m also terrified of losing my wife because she doesn’t want a partner who just stays in the house all the time.

I love my partner and I can tell she's not a hateful human being. It seems clear to me though that she has mainly interacted with white people in her life and I think she's got white fragility. The other day she was telling me something that her friend was saying about me and prefaced it with, "Please don't think this is racist", but I was offended by what her friend said. I take a lot of issue with the phrase "please don't think this is racist" from a white person, even if it is my partner. As a person of color I feel like I have the right to decide if smthing said about me in the lack of my presence is racist or not. I get fired up and angry thinking about it, but I wish I could let it go. Ive just felt so invisible as an Asian American for much of my life. I've never been good at spending time with people I don't agree with. I just can't stop thinking about it over and over. I'm not sure what to do.

Hello! I was wondering if people with religious or moral scrupulosity can relate to this! I identify as gay (I’ve known it since I was a preteen) and I grew up in a religiously conservative household and in a culture that does not accept the LGBT community. Growing up, I’ve made a lot of progress in accepting myself and learning to love myself for who I am despite the lack of acceptance and support from my cultural and family background. …however, it has obviously been a tough road. And recently, I think I’ve started developing scrupulosity around my sexuality. Basically, I wanted to rediscover my faith in a way that helped me, but it ended up just causing me a lot of distress because the LGBT are not exactly affirmed by the Catholic Church. And despite my best efforts, I feel like I’ve slid so far back into a pit of guilt, shame, and disgust with myself. I have so many intrusive thoughts that being LGBT is not natural, is not right, is something that can and should be changed or fixed, even when I know these to not be true. I’m curious to know if anyone else with religious or moral scrupulosity experiences similar feelings of guilt or shame about who they are. Not only do the intrusive thoughts themselves make me feel guilty, but I have intrusive thoughts that I AM bad and that I should feel shame and disgust about myself. I’m hesitant to post this not only because I don’t want to trigger others but also because I don’t want it to be reassurance seeking or a compulsion, but I do have doubt that this isnt just from my OCD and that I should be exploring other forms of therapy to deal with these problems.

So me & my gf are taking a break & i dont blame her. i confessed to her my intrusive thoughts because i felt bad when in reality im realizing this was ocd. She felt like i didnt love her for days after that. we have decided to go on break. she only seems to care ab my mental health genuinely when im saying something about our relationship. but then again she said if i need time alone i can take that. then she said she loves me too much & she wants me to seek help but bro😐 how when i cant even afford it. it kinda pisses me off idk. i don’t think she cares about my mental health as much as she states🤔 or maybe thats ocd speaking? idk im still trying to understand this shit. help pleaseeee

Hi everyone. I have been experiencing harm intrusive thoughts for 2 months now. I believe it started for me when I had a bad experience with a delta 9 gummy. I am looking this up everyday trying to find reassurance and an answer to all of this. I hate that my thoughts make me question what kind of person I am and if I’m actually capable of this. I’m so scared I will lose it for even a second and do these things. I align with being a gentle, kind, caring person but this makes me feel like I’m capable of anything. I desperately want my old life back. I want to be able to sit on the couch with my partner, eat junk food, watch our fave shows together, and not worry about harm. I hope this will disappear soon.

Am I lesbian or it’s just hocd and libido issues? I (F29) don’t feel desire to have sex with my boyfriend (M32) and I am scared it’s because I am lesbian. We are together 3 years and we are also living together. I think I am more aroused by lesbian porn and lesbian fantasies than straight stuff and sex with men. I always dated men and I felt drawn to them, I also never wanted to be with a woman in real life and I was never attracted to a woman in real life, but I am scared I am just in denial and didn’t know about it or I always knew but didn’t want to accept the truth :-(. It’s not that I never wanted to have sex with men, but when the relationship starts to be serious the desire decreases. I really don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend and don’t want to break up with him. It’s not a new topic for me. I deal with it already 4 years. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder 5 years ago, because I had panic attacks and some health ocd. After one year I started to be scared that I am a lesbian. I had a therapy and I talked about it with my therapists and they said it’s ocd, but I didn’t tell them the whole true about the porn and fantasies. In my country (Poland/Germany) the therapists are mainly familiar with health or harm ocd, so I don’t know if my therapists were familiar with these kind of thoughts. Also sometimes I think that even if it’s ocd it doesn’t mean it’s not truth. The only difference is that I am just more worried, scared and obsessed about it than other people who are questioning their sexuality. Also I even don’t know if it’s still ocd. It feels more like denial right now. Like I know the truth, but I just don’t want to accept it or I try to convince myself that for example it’s normal in long term relationship to not desire sex but the truth is it’s not normal if it happens all the time. I don’t really have ocd symptoms right now. At the beginning I was very scared and had to google all the time etc., but right now I just have pretty normal life. I am just still worried about it and ruminate though right now I try to avoid the whole thoughts and feelings all the time. And this is exactly what the people call denial. Knowing the truth but avoiding it… I don’t know if i have still doubts. It’s more like I know deep down what is the truth but I still hope it’s not the truth and try to convince myself that it’s everything ok but it doesn’t work because I am just a lesbian :-( TL;DR - I have sex issues in my relationship. I don’t feel desire to have sex and I am looking for a solution how to change it. Hopefully it’s because ocd and I am not attracted to women.

I'm having a bit of a crisis tonight. I didn't have many clean clothes so I figured I'd do laundry when I woke up (my sleeping schedule is all messed up). I'm weird about touching the laundry soap, I have to shower immediately afterwards so I started laundry and showered. I got out and put on my last pair of underwear and a T-shirt. I didn't have any clean shorts or pants, not a big deal but I feel weird. Whatever. The washer gets done and I go to put the stuff in the dryer and I didn't notice my partners hoodie was in with the dirty clothes. The same hoodie they were wearing a few months ago when our cat had worms and it jumped on their shoulder, leaning something on it. I don't know if it was dirt or poop but my biggest fear is worms/getting worms so I've avoided that hoodie like the plague. I tried ignoring having touched it or that it was mixed in with all of my clothes so I hung up the hoodie but I also had to touch a hanger that isn't ours, I don't know who touched it last or how long it's been sitting there collecting dust. At this point I started panicking so I threw the clothes in the dryer and took a second shower. When I got out I couldn't stop thinking about my clothes being contaminated so I had to rewash them, which means a third shower. But before that I dug around in my dresser for some old clothes to wear that I might of forgot about and sure enough I found a pair of shorts at least so I put them on the bed on my blanket, put the clothes back in the washer and took a third shower, it was mostly cold this time. But when I got out I realized I had touched the shorts on my blanket with my contaminated hand and that they touched my blanket so I threw both off in the floor with my feet and dug through my dresser again except with my foot this time and found a really old pair of shorts that are two sizes too big. At some point, too, I knocked off my 2DS charger onto the floor so I can't use that anymore until I clean it. All of my outside pants are now in my floor, the clothes are washing for a second time and at some point tonight I'm gonna have to wash my blanket and take a fourth shower. I'm so exhausted, I can't take this anymore. I want to cry.

So I’m in college. A FineArts major who’s a sophomore to be exact. And it’s fine, it’s as stressful as you’d expect it to be. But I had gotten this massive massive burnout. As no matter where I sit or sit I cannot for the life of me write or draw what I used to on my own. It feels like a chore. And even more than that, burnout. I’m scared I hate what I do, and I’ve abandoned my love for art. Which I know isn’t true because I still want to draw and create and write. But my mind just won’t let me think. What’s going on with me? Is this normal in college?

I think I may have had the worst day of my life yesterday. It started when I struggled with sleeping, only getting three or so hours in before waking up at 6am. Around 8 I had a bad panic attack. I haven't had one that bad in a long time. I had to call my mom to come hang out with me until it passed. Then I finally got some more sleep, not enough still but a few more hours at least until my partner got home from work. They were tired so I had my mom take me to the grocery store so I could get something for dinner for us but we didn't make it there. We got in a car wreck. No one was seriously hurt thankfully. I was pretty shaken up, we both were. I had another panic attack from it in the parking lot of some random hair salon that we pulled into to get off the road. I already feel pretty invisible and like I don't matter so when the paramedic only asked me if I was ok and I said "I think so" it hurt my feelings a little that he left and never checked back on us. Someone else did add before leaving that we could go to the ER if we wanted but it just made me sad to feel so dismissed after getting into an accident. It didn't help that the police officer was a little combative too. We had to wait there for a good 45 minutes before we could finally go home. Of course, with my OCD, I had to shower right when we got home before doing anything because I was "dirty" for going outside. That was frustrating, I couldn't even sit down for a second first. And now it's the next day and I'm still so utterly exhausted and my poor partner, it was there car and they've had to be on the phone with insurance and stuff so they're pretty stressed about everything too and I feel like the absolute worst partner because I can't be there for them more or comfort them. With my OCD I can't even hug them unless I know we're showering afterwards. :( Plus it was partly my fault for the wreck since I was the one that asked to go to the store. If I didn't none of that would of happened. There was a lot of reasons it happened though so I don't fully blame myself and I'm not beating myself up too much but still. Worst day of my life I think and today isn't much better.

what is your experience? Weed helped me realize i also had an OCD diagnosis along with my AuDHD. Weed was an enhancement drug for me and I notice that it increased my intrusive thoughts BUT only when i was already in a state of anxiety while sober. If i was happy then obsessive thoughts of joy and ruminative yet this only when i smoke the strain sativa. When i smoke indica my thoughts slowed down more, but so did everything else. For me indica affected my body more. But in moments where my mind couldn’t even move to get up or used the restroom. Only in bliss would i be able to fall asleep. I want to journey on Weed with this App so if you’d like to join ! Feel free :D I can also go on to make another post how it affect my autism and my adhd.

Do any other trans people with OCD get intrusive thoughts about faking being trans or misgendering them? On a pretty much daily basis I go through this cycle of either accidentally misgendering myself or getting the thought of “you’ve been lying for the past 10 years and you’re actually not trans” and it always sends me into a spiral. My dysphoria tends to fluctuate and it gets worse when my dysphoria is lower than normal. Logically I know fluctuation is a thing that most trans people experience at some point but I still ruminate over it. Any other trans folks here experience something similar? If so, do you have tips to break that pattern of thought?

My relationship OCD has been bad lately I actually feel like it’s starting to cause problems in my relationship. I constantly think something bad is going to happen with the relationship or him. Like when he’s driving I’m terrified we’re going to get in a crash and him die and me have to be without him. I worry all the time he’s going to leave me. It’s an obsession. I find myself trying to be PERFECT and that’s just not possible. I feel like he’s constantly mad at me when he’s not. We have a good relationship. We have our moments but everyone does. I don’t have issues with him cheating but I always am TERRIFIED about it. I’m scared of him dying, or leaving me. Is this something common with OCD or is this something else?

Hey, So I was supposed to finish school in 2020 but Covid kinda messed that up so I graduated in 2021. I always had the plan to study nursing but with my OCD and the pandemic I opted to wait and take a sort of gap year. Fast forward to the present day with exception to a job or two here and there I have no career. I’m 21 unemployed and feel completely lost and isolated. I have no direction in life. OCD caused me to ghost all my friends in 2022, I have nobody except my dogs. Leaving the house to go to the shop gets more intense and scary each time I do it, my ocd is only getting worse

This is my first time on here, and I’m just hoping to find a community that understand what I’m going through. I struggle with severe existential thoughts that cause me to dissociate near daily. Does anyone else go through this?

I feel so disconnected from myself. Like everything I’ve ever been happy and comfortable with has been a lie. I don’t know what and what not to believe anymore. I feel like I’m straight/bi now. I keep having these thoughts that tell me “you’ll get with a man and like it. You know it” and I hate it. I hate the groinal response I get with sexual intrusive thoughts too. I try to keep in mind that attraction is supposed to feel good and natural, but OCD tricks me into thinking that the hypotheticals DO feel good. Just never natural. I hate it.

i was extremely scared today, a bunch of little kids were around me and i was scared to be near anyone because i would do something horrible. i feel like a terrible person that no one would want to be around. i don’t deserve this support, i just want to be rid of these terrible disgusting thoughts.