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So I am co-maid of honor for my friends wedding and the other MOH is (was?) also my friend (we’ll call her Sadie). As MOHs, Sadie and I had to plan our friends bachelorette party. During the months we needed to plan/prep, my mental health was in a really bad spot, the worst it’s been in years. I still hadn’t been diagnosed with OCD yet and was in horrible shape emotionally. I told Sadie that I was struggling but I probably would not be much help for bachelorette planning, but would do what I could. I felt so guilty about not doing my share, but I had to take care of myself because I felt totally out of control, having daily panic attacks and crying. Sadie told me she understood and it was no problem, we met maybe twice for planning and the rest was ordering decorations and stuff, which I split with her. I thanked her and apologized repeatedly for running the show throughout the months leading up to the bachelorette. During the bachelorette, Sadie was in a horrible mood (long story) and it resulted in the bride getting mad at her. As the other MOH and seeing my two friends arguing, I checked in on them. At that point, Sadie (who was over tired and very drunk) started pointing fingers at me and saying that I was making her feel like a bad friend because I wasn’t getting into the details of my mental health situation with her (which is completely unrelated to the bride’s conversation with Sadie- it really came out of left field). She said that she was worried and wanted to help but I was unresponsive to messages (which isn’t true). She made me feel guilty for not trusting her with my deepest and darkest struggles, meanwhile I had just found out earlier in the day she had lied to me about something minor and unrelated… so why would I trust her with such personal and stigmatized information? I explained that I didn’t get into the details of my struggles with anyone besides my therapist and my mom, but she kept hounding me about how I was making her feel bad. Of course one of my OCD themes is worrying that I’m letting people down… anyone who knows me knows that’s a big concern of mine. Naturally, this made me cry. I found out after the fact that Sadie also told the bride (before I joined the conversation) that I never thanked Sadie for planning the bachelorette and that certain activities fell through because of me. Sadie (kind of?) apologized to me and the bride for her behavior, telling me that the mental health convo should have happened at a different time/place, but things have been weird ever since. I feel like she owes me a serious apology for weaponizing my mental health, because if she truly cared she wouldn’t have done what she did to me or would have pulled me aside later and apologized profusely. It’s been over a month and she has put in no effort to communicating with me and vice versa. I think she thinks I am in the wrong, although I’m not sure what I did and the bride doesn’t know either. Anger comes at me randomly about this, because I thought of Sadie as a good friend and I feel like she used my situation as a weapon. Even if she was hurting too for me not opening up, there are so many other ways she could have told me. In any situation though, I still do not owe her details about my mental health challenges. Right? My friends say that Sadie crossed a line by demanding to know details about what’s going on with my OCD. I just want to stop being angry with her and effected by this situation. Any advice?

I still don't feel right. My OCD has morphed into obsessing about emotions. And I know I've been through this (with words, time, distance, seeing thoughts, inner voice) It's just so stupid. I once was freaking out about words. And how do we "imagine" stuff in our heads. Now it's about emotions. Like what are emotions and how do we have them and like how do we even know they are good or bad? Didn't we just make up the concept of good and bad? What if I forget the meanings and do bad things? What's the point? What's the purpose? And that makes me depressed and hopeless which makes the anxiety worse because then I'm worried about self harm. Im supposed to say "there is no answer to this" but it still won't go away And I know they fade. But it is taking so long to fade. And I've already upped my Zoloft in the last 6 months and I'm taking it correctly. It doesn't make sense.

How long have you had really bad ROCD?

So I've actually suffered with staring at peoples parts a lot before but recently its been wwwaaayyyy too much. I know me fighting it is going to make it feel like I need to do it even more but ugh its so annoying and disgusting. It really feels like I want to stare and mix it with sexual thoughts its so freaking weird and I really don't want to do these things and its to everyone and moreso people younger than me but I just hate how it feels like I want to and sometimes it happens when I don't even realize and its most likely because I'm so focused on trying not to it like slips but ugh it gets annoying. The feeling of me genuinely wanting to you is just so weird :( I work retail and we change where we are stationed and recently me being in the fitting rooms has not been great. We have to take the customers to their fitting room and it isnt doors, its curtains and sometimes they do not close it well :( so when I put the nunber card next to their curtain its like I need to check if the curtain next to it with someone changing is closed and if it is I feel relief. If not its like I want to look and I purposely look and I soon feel disgusted. Its like I'm tricking myself and tricking others. Its like I get that easy peak and I'm faking my guilt so people would feel bad :( Also people seriously need to do a better job at closing the curtains lmao. I seriously don't want to be in the fitting rooms which I actually havent been stationed there in a bit but I know I should not get away. God I wish we had doors just like the other stores. N e ways thats how my day has been. Feeling guilt over my bad habits and felt like I went back to my old life but these things happen. You will have slip ups and relapse and its ok. I cannot fault myself and my mind is probably making it bigger than its supposed to be. How have you guys been ? Anything good happent to you guys today ?

I haven't really been taking care of myself and my sleep schedule has not been great. I really dislike napping as I take around 4 hour naps so then it takes me a wwhhiillleee to try to sleep. I've also cut off my melatonin as I wanted to see how it would be to stop depending on it and hopefully improve but I've always struggled with napping so I just need to not give in. As with false memories / intrusive thoughts I'm still pushing through. Went to work today but just got another false memory type when walking around. Not the first kind. Its like I either see someone or I walk in an area and I get this sort of remembrance feeling. Like I've done something here, I've done this thing to someone. This same movement is something I've done before. And like all those false memories it correlates with real memories I have and the feelings I get with those too. Like right now I did a certain movement and I immediately remembered it from a video so now I'm like "Well if this remembrance shows something happened, then does that mean with the other false memories they are actually proven to be real ?" Idk its weird and I know it takes time I've been through so much with OCD already. Honestly dealing with existential I would think I'm ok snd then bam I randomly get a sudden feeling and I'm fearing everything yet there was nothing I was thinking about to make me fear it. Just stared out a window and had to deal with it all over again and honestly still continues. But again I gotta push through. Another thing I haven't been doing well on is my medication. I've been so lazy in taking it :( I've been so up to date with it but now its like I'm not caring that much but I know I need to go back. I have events happening soon and I need to get better. Look my best. I want to start living life. Currently lost my medication lmao I think its somewhere on my bed but guess I have to search for it. Also took a long nap today that was 4 hours so hopefully I didn't move around alot. Was also supposed to work on my cosplay and buy items but didn't get to. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to. Sorry for this long post I guess its just an update/vent. How was your day ? Anything good happen today ? I bought a cute sweater from my job and also bought this cute face palette :3 Hope everyone has a great night ! 🫂💕

It just sucks when you are able to go about your day, actually improving, and then suddenly youll just get a spike. Just had a "what would others think if I had more things that I've done that I'm not telling them because I'm not able to remember them" So now my mind is trying to look for everything that I've done from small to major because I'm also afraid there will be something I haven't remembered and suddenly I'll get remember it later and it will be horrible :( I honestly already know all my real events lmao I've always had. Its just that OCD latched on very heavily to them as it changed theme but at the same time I know I should just keep going on with my day. But damn the "I'm not telling them everything" "What if they find out and leave me and hate me" :( it sucks but whatever. I'm eating pozole ! Have you guys had it ? Also tomorrow I'll be working on my halloween costume/cosplay :) I'm going to be Hange from Attack on Titan ! What will you guys be dressed up as ? 🫂💕

So who here has intrusive thoughts about going insane or ending up in a mental hospital or just general fear of having anxiety and then get anxiety? Or fear of going out to events or places with family or friends and having intense anxiety? I don't see many people saying they have this. Intrigued to know.

One for the therapists or those that have done ERP or followed some of the advice on here.... If the best way to deal with the intrusive thought is to not give it certainty and to say "that might happen, who knows?" then surely you're fuelling the thought which is going to heighten anxiety levels? For example if you have POCD and have a thought such as "What if I think sexual thoughts about that child?" and you sit with the thought saying to yourself "I might do, I might not" surely that's going to make you ruminate on it and we're told rumination is wrong. Or another example "I'm going to hurt myself later" and then thinking "maybe I will, I don't know" you're just going to make yourself worse? If there's a chance that thought is gonna come true it's make you feel worse surely? Please tell me if I'm wrong and I've got the wrong end of the stick here but it's been playing on my mind. Surely it's better to ignore the thought the entirely or just observe it as if to say haha yeah OK keep trying to tell me that, that's ridiculous. Advice and thoughts appreciated.

Has anyone experienced ROCD in a friendship??

Hi everyone had a question I am 42 years old until about 7 months ago my ocd has become so bad almost debilitating. I think I have had ocd since my mid 20s but it was barely there and it would sometimes almost be non existent and I didn’t even know it was ocd until I was diagnosed four months ago It was always my family getting hurt especially at night I was convinced that someone would break in the house and murder us. Or a fire would start but j would just check the doors and stove appliances a few times before bed nothing to time consuming and I never had panic attacks or the physical symptoms of anxiety, I did do weird rituals like I blessed things that fell on the floor because I thought something bad may happen to my kids which seems strange and I would put clothes away a certain way or again something bad would happen and I hated the number 6 so the volume can never be on 6 things like that. When I type if I didn’t get the word right the first time I’d have to erase the whole word and start over sometimes the whole sentence which was super annoying! But since I had my daughter 4 years ago I would have this weird fear with knifes like only I could wash them and put them away or someone may accidentally stab themselves or someone else, and I began to get intrusive images of someone trying to hurt my daughter or someone would kidnap her or she would stop breathing at night but it all was pretty tolerable until out of the blue I had a really bad intrusive images of me hitting her in the head with my phone it’s scared me so bad I had a panic attack and started questioning why would I think that?! Then a week went by and another intrusive image of me hurting her and then eventually it was anything and everything in my house could be weapon to hurt her i was terrified I googled it and realized it was intrusive thoughts and it was harm ocd 😞I have been really struggling since and that was 6 months ago I try to tell myself that they are just thoughts and it’s just my brain being hyper vigilant to protect her but I fear that the more I have them I will do them in my sleep And the physical sensations of anxiety and panic attacks are unbelievable sometimes Can anyone relate to their ocd becoming worse almost overnight later on in life I want my life back I’m so sad I’m scared to sleep at night I just want this all to go away Any tips it’s hard not to react to the thoughts when it is about harming your own child who I love soooo much And please tell me this is ocd

I should probably give a bit of a back story 1st: I am a 41 y/o Momma of 4 absolutely beautiful kiddos ages 22(g), 18(b), 7(b), and 6(g) sadly that's going through a separation/divorce from their dad, and after 24 years together & 23 years married (2 separations of 2½years each in there which ended 10 years ago) I am having the worst time dealing with this. I need to find a way to make these days of watching me live out my entire life inmy head. I'm going over all the good and bad moments, mistakes & regrets replaying everything, even the life without him for years before we met & then during separations previously. So I've made a lot of bad choices and surprisingly have lived a very full life in such a short amount of time. I want all of the thoughts to stop and I need help. I have done meditation and all I can think of but now I'm in such a bad state of mind and my depression is so bad, my overthinking is so so so bad and i can't make it stop.

Yup. God I freaking hate them. I went to go give my little brother my aunt's dog and I purposely put them on the side of them because I was going to put the dog on them but then my mind was like haha you want to put it SPECIFICALLY IN A CERTAIN AREA and it was like giving me an urge to do that and do something else which I won't do but my freaking god I hate these urges. They scare the living heck out of me but it REALLY feels like I "want" to do them. Like I'm ok with it and I feel so alone in it :( Its like I really have to hold myself back not to do things (which I won't trust me) but its a feeling like that. Idk its a really scary one and honestly I don't even want to continue trying in life if thats all my mind will do towards people. Also because of that my mind instantly snapped to my early days of POCD where I was carrying a baby and had an urge I believe ? I honestly don't even know but its like well look at how easy you could've done those things maybe in the past you actually acted upon the intrusive thoughts with the baby but you didn't see it as anything bad because of your reckless behavior and moved on so you don't know if you've done it or not. Idk these urges are kind of scaring me again haha It just feels like I want to act on them and theres little nothing and hell not even myself to stop me :( Hope everyone is having a great day !

After going 2 weeks now with none to limited intrusive thoughts it feels amazing. But at the same time almost foreign like it’s odd not to be obsessing like it’s hard to get adjusted back and like you worry if and when they’ll come back.

I hate taking naps cause sometimes they mess me up and I guess this time it did. Had a dream where I was remembering something my dad "did" to me and my uncle "did" to me. Its so weird. Its like I'm forgetting something that happened to me and I'm finally remembering it and that feeling of yeah I remembered something that happened to me is there. I know for sure my dad has not done those things to me lmao and I don't think my uncle has done anything to me either. Before this OCD theme I can tell you that I always remember something thats pretty traumatic to me lmao I usually don't forget major events like those, I'm constantly always remembering the bad in the past and what could happen. Its somethint I always questioned too like so many people don't remember their traumatic or bad memories, but for me I do remember it. Idk this feeling is so weird and I hate it attached to something like that rather than me doing it this time. Maybe I'll forget who knows. Hope everyone had a great day. Tell me, what did you guys do today and what show have you been watching and why I should give it a try ?

Just gotta vent bc jfc am I so tired of this. Needa let it off my chest yu know ?? I'm so sick and tired of all these things. I can move on and be like ah who cares about that thought, it isn't real, trust me. And then BAM new false memory. Idk if anyone else gets it like me but I mean I always feel alone in these things. Heres how mine goes. An example will be last night. I'm cleaning my room. I decide to clean my desk. Sit on my chair. Stand up. Look at my chair. My mind immediatey goes "something happened here with someone younger." Then it'll show me sitting down holding a child, ok so theres me holding a child now what mind ? Oh ok now my mind is telling me I did something to that younger person. Great. And it seems real because its a major possibility ? Great thank you and whats this ? Oh anxiety ? GREAT this is great and because uncertainty is so good for false memory, it'll continue. And continue. And continue. Idk I'll just look at things, places, people. Example again would be a bathroom. I've brought someone in there. I see someone younger oh you've done this to them, hered a memory. I had a harmless memory recently that felt like those false memories which really like scrapped them all away almost instantly LMAO even though that harmless one I'm still trying to figure out but eh lets see if I get another harmless one but who cares. Now though what I also get are like ideas ? In a sense. So right now again I saw people younger than me, I am VERY afraid of bumping into them because I got a false memory that I did something to one of them at my work recently (god if I could check cameras I would). But again the harmless thought felt exactly like that and how there woukd just be a simple image in a sense but nothing is happening. Anyways back to the false idea. My mind is now saying I have bumped into younger people in the past, I've said sorry, they believe that I am sorry so they don't think twice about it, BUT MY INTENTIONS were for something terrible. Yeah. So this isn't a memory, its an intention I would constantly "do." And because its something I would "do" I obviously wouldn't remember much because it would have been a habit. They would not know, their parents wouldn't know. No one around would know. And I'm also getting it with my best friends sibling with this so its like so hard to not fucking confess on these shits. I know if I talk to them about it they'll be on edge too. Ugh. I will say alot of my false memories/thoughts/ideas would be of things hidden that no one would ever know sooo yeah. I just hate this really. I really freaking wish I got that certainty that I never did these things. That I know myself. Idk its hard. But anyways just had to vent. Hope everyone's day went well, what did you guys do today ? 🫂💕

I was diagnosed with GAD a few years ago. (And panic disorder back in college) but early this year, when I was looking into some checking behaviors in my son, it was like the veil was lifted for me- and when I started reading about “pure O” and mental compulsions- I felt like my whole world was rocked. Like all of a sudden my whole childhood made sense. That all the things I had been doing were maybe OCD and not normal kid stuff. Here are some examples. Wondering your thoughts for those of you diagnosed? I finally went to a therapist and after three sessions (she didn’t even want to talk about my childhood at all) I asked her if she thought I could have ocd because of my compulsive researching and certain tendencies and she literally said “ocd looks like handwashing” and brought up Howie Mandel not touching door handles. That was a red. Flag so now I’m here. Thanks for any thoughts: Childhood triggers: Death- was CONSTANTLY worried my parents would die. Couldn’t go to movie theater and enjoy the movie. Or on vacation. Would spend the whole time worrying about their health. Did they have cancer? Both were smokers. Would just watch them breathe. Religion: OBSESSED with the end of the world. Tried to learn everything I could about it. Worried constantly that it was going to end at any moment. I would look out our front window to see if the church across the street was still there or if it was “raptured.” Prayed a lot over and over. Felt if I didn’t pray enough about certain things- like my parents health if they had to go to the doctor for a check up that God would punish me by giving them cancer. Was also very obsessed and worried about getting my period. (Luckily, or unluckily it didn’t come til I was 14). An example of how messed up I was- I would pray to God and barter that he could give me my period if it meant the world would not end. I was like 10-12 probably at this time. (Y2K was also around this time frame) How my symptoms have possibly adapted? (This is outside of rumination, mental review- I do a lot of that- but I feel like that’s common in GAD?) Had a bad bout with panic disorder in college where I was fearing for my own health all the time. I still have the issue. It’s now turned more into obsessive googling. I was recently diagnosed with Graves Disease and I know just about everything you could know about thyroids, tests, autoimmune illnesses etc. same with OCD. Same with ADHD for my kids. I plan what I’m going to google/research after work each day. I have to GPS my drive time to work just to see if I’m going to be late, even though it won’t change the outcome. I wake up like 1-2 hours before my alarm goes off every day and check my phone probably 15-20x before my alarm goes off.

Second warning just in case. This will be the topic of pleasuring ourselves and intrusive thoughts that may come with it. (POCD) If you would not like to get triggered please do not read further ahead. So I've been trying to stop pleasuring myself and watching x rated videos. Well recently I did do the act which I'm not going to count for my calendar because I know I'm going to feel god awful about messing it up when before doing it I was like eh its fine. Ahh the terrible cycle. But its ok, I'm still doing way better than before. Anyways recently though because of how heightened my OCD has been with its themes, I want to see if there is any way to help me on this. Whenever I pleasure myself or think of anything sexual, my mind ALWAYS puts my siblings in there. ALWAYS even watching the videos recently will put my sibling in there as if you know I'm watching them do those things which :/ really DO NOT want to think that. I will imagine me and my boyfriend doing things and instantly it'll put my sibling in their position. I know trying to get away from it isn't the way to go cause if I go back I'm going to be instantly reminded of how my thoughts are with sexual things since its something that I was trying to avoid so I'm just being reminded of the avoidance. So how would I go about this ? I obviously do not want to think of my siblings in those scenarios and imagine them in those ways. Do I just need to cut off these things even more ? Focus on something else ? Idk this is also with ice cream for me haha. I can't lick ice cream anymore because if I do my mind makes a thought of me doing something to someone in that way sexually which is not fun so I also haven't been licking my ice cream LMAAOO weird to say and also disgusting but its just annoying really. Ugh. I just want this all to stop and enjoy these things normally 😵‍💫😵‍💫 Hope everyones night goes/went well ! 🫂💕

All OCD treatment seems to revolve around avoiding your compulsions and teaching your brain that nothing terrible will happen if you don't do them. That's fine for the thoughts and worries I have that *do* have compulsions, but some of my worst intrusive thoughts don't seem to have a compulsion to go with them. I just sit there thinking obsessively about my loved ones dying and how I'll feel and what I'll do, but I don't have a way of stopping the thoughts, not even things like praying or pushing the thoughts away or telling myself to think about something else (I'm never able to drag my mind away from the bad thoughts anyway, so I kind of stopped trying). Does this mean it's not really OCD?

Maybe I'm doing too much but my mind has been so freaking mean to people, especially my friends. Like they deserve bad things happening to them and my mind feels happy. I can't tell if these thoughts are mine or not cause they feel like my normal train of thoughts. I feel so saddened and honestly sickened by what it has been saying and its like I will have a mean thought that seems normal to my mind and a second right after I feel immense guilt and hate myself and I deserve nothing.... Just needed to vent again but idk if these are even intrusive thoughts at this point and I'm just a terrible person and going back to how horrible I treated people :(