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My OCD is telling me: Is there anything in this world that has no value or power? Then how can you say ocd thoughts have no power or value?.

Some background: I’m a woman in my 30s who’s been struggling to find the right diagnosis for years. Since 2022, I’ve had multiple psych hospital stays, and with each stay came a different diagnosis and different sets of medications: Bipolar II, CPTSD, MDD with psychotic features, “high functioning BPD,” and most recently, Schizoaffective Disorder (depressive type). Before all of that happened, I had been seeing a therapist for CPTSD and AuDHD traits for 2 years, but after they left the practice, I struggled to find someone I trusted again. Most of my breakdowns happened during my last relationship. Looking back, I was in survival mode with them, leaving who *I* am behind. I got to the point where I started doubting my own reality from the abuse. This eventually added up and landed me in my first episode of psychosis. That combined with my attempts is what got me my schizoaffective diagnosis. After finally leaving that relationship 1.5 years ago, I’ve slowly rebuilt my life: new town, new job, new friends. Many of my old symptoms (major ones) haven’t returned, which makes me believe I may have been misdiagnosed due to reliving past childhood trauma and stress responses from the abuse. Through all of this, I’ve felt like nothing ever truly fit. I journal, I reflect, I replay the recordings and I’ve even watched old vlogs –the puzzle pieces still don’t come together. It’s left me feeling like I’ll never really know what’s going on, and I’ve started to fear that my diagnoses will just keep stacking up without ever leading to effective treatment. Recently, I opened up to a friend about this. She mentioned that her neighbor went through something similar not exactly like me but she thought it would give me a starting point—multiple diagnoses that never felt right—until a new doctor finally identified it as OCD. That one diagnosis changed everything for her. It made me realize I really don’t know much about OCD beyond the stereotypes. I didn’t know OCD could involve intrusive thoughts, rumination, or mental compulsions. My friend encouraged me to look into it, especially as I start searching for a new therapist. Facebook and Google lead me here… So now I’m wondering: could OCD be a better explanation for what I’ve been experiencing all these years? Questions for the community: 1. What steps did you take to find out if OCD was what you were dealing with? 2. If you had a long history of misdiagnoses, how did you finally find a clinician who got it right? 3. How did you advocate for yourself when people dismissed your concerns? 4. Is there anything you wish you had done earlier in your OCD journey? Thank you so much if you made it this far. I’m really grateful for this space and just want to start finding answers and the right kind of help.

I think it‘s not SO-OCD anymore. Too many real evidences from the past. At the time i was 12 years old and i had a girl-bestfriend. I really thought she‘s beautiful my heart dropped when i saw her and i even said after a fight with her that i love her. Real evidences from my past. The same when i was 5 years old. My then girl bestfriend and me got into an argue and i went to my mom to tell her that we had a fight and that i love her so much. I don‘t know i just think that makes me a lesbian. Is there someone with same experiences as me? I‘m 29 years old and i would love to habe a relationship

Terrifying thing happened 17f I work at the restaurant and my boss said that I need to clean the bathroom I heard some childlike voice nearby and I couldn't open the bathroom door easily so I got scared that a child is in here But my boss insisted that it's not occupied so i had to open it my boss was looking at me and I was supposed to clean so I opened it I was scared but I still did it It wasn't occupied BUT why did I open it?? What if there was a child there??? And there is already a chanse that I'm a P, how could I do that if I know there was a chanse I'm a P I just didn't know what to do my boss was looking at me I had to do what he said but now I'm a monster

Something I don’t really understand and it grinds my gears 🤣. I am a 110% certain on something that will never happen in my life time but my ocd won’t accept it? Like my heart feels yeah that’s never happening ever I a million years…. But my ocd is like nope I’m against your values and morals! It’s draining 😴

For context, im going to college for 6 years (less than 2 years away to graduate college) to focus on fixing my GPA, volunteering, and MCAT studying... as well as graduating... My parents keep guilt tripping me and asking me questions like "did you know how much we've spent to keep you in college?" And telling me the amount they've spent on my college education... my mom keeps saying that "shes not trying to make me feel guilty, but it's a fact you have to accept..." I know they've spent a lot of money to help me... my mom claims she spent over 70k on me... and I know they're suffering... but them constantly telling me the same thing and saying things like I should drop out to focus on making money to save is honestly degrading my mental health... My mom is the only one who knows the full extent of how extremely horrible my extremely awful and terrible POCD real events when i was either 13 or 14 were... so it feels like im indebted to her for helping me throughout... but her constantly asking me these kinds of questions and then saying "im not trying to make you feel guilty" is counterintuitive... UPDATE: when I called my mom just now... crying about how much I l0athe myself every time she guilt trips me, she kept bringing up her own pain, and that I didnt keep my promises... to the point where I genuinely asked her if I delete myself, will she be happy... she at first compared me to other kids who graduated in four years, then asked if I thought I had suffered more than she has... and if i did, that I should "stop talking to her"... I genuinely cant take this anymore... I cant take this from her anymore... I cant take life anymore... she makes me feel like I shouldn't be here... I genuinely dont want to be here...

I made posts worrying about age gaps, and I continue to worry. But I'm thinking about just looking at what I believe and what I currently think is moral, and saying whatever to what anyone else says and thinks. About me or others. I think at 18 someone is an adult, and I don't care about age gaps past that. If you're 18+, it's whatever who you date and it's not wrong to be attracted/have sex with someone much younger as long as they are 18+. I worry my thinking is wrong especially because of how many people are against this mindset, but I can't find myself agreeing with them and when I look this up online many opinions vary on what age gaps are okay and what age you become an adult. So, I'm thinking about just saying screw it and not caring about it for myself and other people. If I'm 30 and am sexually/romantically attracted to an 18-year-old, whatever. If someone is 20 and dating a 50-year-old, whatever. Not wrong and not bad.

After my psychiatrist appointments, I can't stop obsessing over whether or not I explained things correctly, or if I exaggerated without noticing? We spoke about the possibility of ADHD today, and after I got home, I kept wondering if I had exaggerated my experiences of struggling to focus, finishing tasks, feeling paralyzed when I want to get things done, etc... This is how I felt when I got diagnosed with anxiety and OCD, though. It's just sort of stressing me out 🫠 Has anyone dealt with similar?

So I reached “conquerer status” awhile back, but never felt like I conquered. I masked my progress with willful avoidance. Then things got very bad for me, meta-ocd started pulling at subtypes I never aligned with, and it basically got my nervous system “stuck” where every day was a nightmare of anxiety. And then with help from my therapist, I leaned it. I challenged myself and stopped avoiding, because I had already been through hell. And in 3 weeks, my progress now is remarkable. I have my bad moments, but not so much bad days, and even if I do, I’ll tolerate them too. I may still be sick, but I’m definitely getting better. So now I can write this post and congratulate myself. Because I’ve earned that, and I’m going to keep earning it. If you ever feel like it’s not working, or you’re “doing it wrong” just keep doing it, reach out, and lean in.

And that’s why your fear isn’t truth. It’s a glitch in the system — not your soul.

Potential TW: So I know this post is not technically FULLY about ocd but I was hoping maybe some people knew something about it or what to tell me. So I know my boyfriend has ocd and anxiety but it’s nothing he is in treatment for and he’s not on medication even though he probably should be. Anyway, I know he has IBD so he already has stomach issues. However, ever since we started dating he has been throwing up in the bathroom a lot. At first I didn’t think anything of it but then I noticed not only did he do this but he eats large amounts of food at a time like a lot of food and then whether it was directly after or a little hour later he would always throw it up and he would turn on the shower making it look like he was taking a shower but I always hear. He keeps saying it’s just that he sometimes feels sick from eating too much but I really think it is bulimia and now it seems like he throws up about 3-4 times a day. I know he has a lot of stress in his life cause so he’ll be applying to law school and his parents also pick on him when he does something wrong though they love him very much and he has this cousin that like is always trying to pressure him to do more social things and he clearly wants to impress his cousin but he’s trying to be something he isn’t. I also know he tends to bottle things up instead of talk about them but recently he has been communicating a bit more just not about this. I know there’s a lot of factors here but does this sound like bulimia? I kind of want to say something but I also know he will probably get very mad. But his parents clearly don’t realize this is happening as he just goes to his own bathroom and pretends to shower. Also, weirdly he has been gaining more weight even though he seems to throw up so much? Also can bulimia cause people to be like quickly defensive or frustrated easily? Because I’ve been seeing that too and I’d like to think that’s not really him cause I have seen he has a caring heart it just seems like he’s struggling a lot. Can anyone tell me some helpful things? Does this sound like bulimia? Does anyone have similar stories or advice they can share? Please help thanks!

it feels to real i feel like my heart is ripping apart. it feel like i dont love him, that i lost feelings, im hollow

Hi everyone. I know there are some people who are not Christian, or do not believe in God. But after today of having 5 panic attacks, crying in my boyfriend’s arms for hours, and feeling like the anxiety and fear was going to end me, I prayed to God. But I do not mean just praying in your head, I mean TALKING OUT LOUD to God. In the times where we are so scared, it feels like we are completely alone. And cannot feel the presence of Christ. My mom showed me this when I had my onset ocd in 2021, I was 16, and this made me bawl my eyes out. I am in a horrible flare up right now where everything feels exactly the same, and sometimes when we feel the most alone, it is because Jesus is literally carrying our broken and hurting soul. He loves you so much, and your suffering has a purpose, no matter how awful OCD is, surrender to him, ask him to protect you from the enemy. Talk to God, talk to Jesus, really talk to him. Tell him you’re scared, sad, angry for having to deal with this, and he will save you. Remember, You are not Satan’s you are the child of the most high God. 🩵🩵🩵✝️

I get so stuck when making decisions. I guess it’s called executive functioning and before my OCD diagnosis I just thought I was a perfectionist and needed to make sure everything would be perfect before making the decision. Turns out it’s part of OCD?

Last week I fell into a bit of an existential spiral, which hasn't happened for a long while. Now that I'm mostly on the other side, I think it's important to reflect on the lessons I learned from it. I hope this is helpful for others who find themselves in their own spiral, existential or not. 1. The thought, "I'm never getting out of this one," will always be there, and it will always be a lie. Whenever I fall into a deep existential spiral (which is pretty rare these days), it *always* feels as though I've uncovered some horrible thought that I'm never going to be able to get past. As if I've finally found that one existential thought this is going to ruin me for the rest of my life. When that happens, allow the thought to come and go just like the rest of the thoughts, and take some time to reflect on how you've been there before. For me, it helps to sarcastically agree with it: "Yep you're right! THIS is the one that'll do me in." 2. Keep doing what you do A major difference between this spiral and past ones is that I forced myself to not cancel any plans because of it. I played at an open mic, accompanied my friend on mandolin for his performance, and I attended a run group, all while experiencing an existential crisis. I definitely think this shortened the length of the episode. I proved to myself that I could do some pretty demanding things despite the thoughts. I was also able to reflect on how when I was forced to be present (such as while performing), the existential crisis totally subsided. Which brings me to... 3. Trust in mindfulness I absolutely get it; when you're in the middle of a spiral, the idea of just "bringing yourself into the present moment" seems laughably unhelpful. This time in particular, it really felt irresponsible to *not* attend to the thoughts. It genuinely felt like I had to *solve* these existential questions before I could move on to anything else, including the present moment. But when I reflect on the times that I felt the most at-ease, it was always when I was present. It was during the 10 seconds I took to breath and notice my surroundings. It was when I disengaged from the thoughts and allowed them to come and go. It was when I smelled the fresh air after a thunderstorm, or during a conversation with a friend about her breakup. It was when I named the feelings and emotions I was experiencing, and welcomed it all. Existential thoughts are supposed to be about reality, but when you're lost in them, you aren't actually *in* reality. They're only scary in the virtual reality of the mind. And finally... 4. Yes, the compulsions are the problem I did a LOT of research last week. I watched videos, Googled, and even dove into ChatGPT. The compulsions were obvious, and they were never enough. Every answer that made me feel a little better was followed by doubt less than 15 minutes later. In the moment it genuinely feels like you HAVE to keep doing the compulsions, but you need to trust that that's exactly what is making you feel worse. In order to stop researching, I just had to...stop researching. It was hard at first, but eventually the spiral stopped spinning, and the longer I waited between compulsions, the easier it was to move on.

I’m new to this and trying to understand why I often feel stressed and overwhelmed by leaving the house to run an errand or see a friend. My boyfriend is an extrovert and I feel overwhelmed when I think of spending time with him because I know he wants to be out and about keeping busy. We live in NYC and lately the city is just too much for me - the noise, crowds, smells. I bailed on him today in a way I’m not proud of. He deserves to have a girlfriend that can and wants to keep up with him. I want to be that person, I want to WANT to do things. It’s so hard to know what is depression, what is personal preference, what is OCD, what is circumstantial, etc. I want to show up for my loved ones, I want to keep commitments, I want to get my errands done.

Hi. I’m writing this because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long, and I feel like I’m losing myself more and more every day. I’m 18 years old, and I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years with someone who truly loves me( i have these thoughts and bad feelings since month 4 in the relationship) He’s kind, patient, and he really cares. But for a long time now… I’ve been stuck in this horrible cycle of fear, doubt, and emotional numbness. It started slowly — little intrusive thoughts like: • “Do I really love him?” • “What if I’m lying to him?” • “What if I never truly loved him, and I’m just realizing it now?” • “What if I’m wasting my youth in the wrong relationship?” And now? These thoughts feel louder than anything else. I don’t feel love anymore — not clearly. Sometimes I even feel repulsed or irritated. I hate admitting that, because I feel like a horrible person. He hasn’t done anything wrong — in fact, he just wants me to be happy and close again. But I feel like I’ve lost all my feelings, my sexual desire, my clarity, and my connection. It feels like my chest is heavy all the time. Every day I obsess: “Am I in denial?” “Is this ROCD, or is it just the truth?” “Should I break up? Should I stay?” “Am I wasting both our lives by not ending it?” “Why can’t I feel anything? Why can’t I be normal again?” I feel so guilty because I’m not treating him with love anymore. Sometimes I’m rude, cold, distant — and it kills me, because that’s not the kind of partner I want to be. I’m scared I’m ruining him and myself. What makes it worse is that I remember how things used to be — how safe I felt, how excited I was, how much I wanted him. But now, those memories feel so distant, like they happened to someone else. I feel disconnected from who I used to be, from him, and from myself. I keep thinking, “You’re only 18, you should be enjoying life, not crying every day over this.” I feel like I’m wasting my youth, my joy, my energy — but at the same time, I can’t leave. Because a part of me still wants to be with him. A part of me wants to want him again. But right now, I just feel broken and terrified and unsure of who I even am anymore. I’ve tried to talk to people close to me, but most don’t understand. Some get angry or say I’m overthinking. Others say “maybe it’s just not meant to be.” But it doesn’t feel that simple. Because if I didn’t care… I wouldn’t be this afraid. If I didn’t love him at all… I wouldn’t be this devastated by the idea of losing him. But what do you do when you want to love, and you can’t feel it? When your brain is screaming “THIS ISN’T RIGHT!” and your heart is too quiet to answer? Please… if anyone has been through this — if anyone has healed or has advice — I need to hear it. I want to be a kind partner again. I want to feel safe and clear again. I want to stop this spiral that’s been eating me alive. What helped you? What did you do when it felt so real and so final? How did you get through the days when all you felt was guilt and doubt and dread? Thank you for reading this. Even writing it helps me breathe a little. Please, if you’ve felt this way before… tell me how you kept going. 💔

I feel like a p because my little brother was telling his friend that I had a hand a game called slap battles and I was happy to join the game it’s like why do I feel happy because of that I remember I use to help people get badges for the game and this one kid who I would always help and I would join to play with him and he was telling me he’s from this country and he was 8 or something and I feel like a p because of that thank God he unfriend me because till this day I think about it and if he was still my friend I don’t think I would sleep at night thinking if I said or did something wrong in the game Like he asked one day how old I was and I didn’t want to tell him but I think back at it and I’m just like did I not want to tell him because I wanted to do something or I didn’t tell him because I wanted to fit in? I feel so bad when my brother friends friended me and I don’t friend them back because I know what rejection is like and I’m not trying to be mean but I just won’t sleep at night thinking about if I did something I just get upset It’s so upsetting and it makes me want to cry

All my real events are hitting me all at once and i genuinely despise my existence right now... i feel so alone and genuinely horrible and nothing is working for me right now... im trying to not ask for reassurance but its so dang tough and i dont know what to do... please someone help me... i feel so so so so so alone right now...

I was on literotica (an 28+ erotic chat site) and was about to sext with her... she was getting high and wasted... before she stopped responding... i was checking to see if she could continue by explicitly flirting, but when she couldnt respond on the chat I stopped and deleted the chat... she then chatted with me again on the site saying she didnt remember we were sexting... when I asked her about it days later, she said "it might've been serious for you, but it wasnt for me..." My Harm OCD is saying that I unintentionally harmed her through this online chat... Im so so scared...