Welcome to
the NOCD Community

It’s just a movie it’s just a movie… they’re just actors they’re just actors…

Does anyone else have thoughts like mine? While I try not to compare, I know how mine has been very specific lately. For example, I have been on this same theme for a month now. Basically, it started from a black guy I saw at target and I thought “He’s cute.” I went into a spiral and was compulsive by telling my sisters and my boyfriend. Then I would have more thoughts because this one time I shook a protein bottle while looking at another black guy, and he looked at me, I felt the anxiety as I was doing it, I also did compulses by telling my sister and boyfriend, I even had the thought of “what if I liked it?” Later throughout that week, and for some reason this worked, I told myself “I liked it.” And then that gave me the continued thoughts of “I didn’t like it, ha. I knew it” I mean, I was gagging and almost threw up from it and I was talking back to my OCD. The doubt and the uncertainly what was killing me. Now, my brain and my body gets nervous around black guys. Sometimes, scared. For example, this morning this black man called to schedule his mother’s mammogram, I was pretty rude and I wasn’t polite, on purpose. Because I didn’t want to seem friendly and I didn’t want my OCD to be fed anything off of the conversation like “How was my tone talking to them?” Or “Did they think I was being flirty?” So I was very or as monotone as I could be. Most likely because in the morning, and lately I have been having thoughts for weeks, they can go like “ I want a big black cock” “I want a big strong black man” “I like black men” “I want a black man to string me out” “I wonder how it would be to suck black cock, I’m curious” The last one was from this morning, and it started to make me gag, I ended up taking my Lexapro: and at this point, there’s times where these thoughts will rotate around my head. And they can come while I’m talking to my boyfriend and I get distracted. Sometimes, I’m able to be sexual with him and I’m okay. Other times, I had a dream about my ex and then thought of their dick, I didn’t have an image of it, because it’s been years, but my mind went there. Lately, the Lexapro has been doing good at calming me down. This morning, it was hard since I was gagging and I felt dizzy since last night. Sometimes, I feel my heart beating so fast. I’ve been able to let the thoughts pass and go. But when I see a black guy I get scared, I believe this started because of the first scenario that started all this at target and when I told my boyfriend he said that most of my thoughts have been about black men and that I might like them. I know these are intrusive thoughts, and even when I’m not anxious, I am worried what if I enjoy my thoughts and I used to relay on my feelings to prove to me I didn’t, even when I would cry and gag. But this morning I literally went “Nooooo” when I had the thought because I let it go on my mind. I read that the Lexapro and OCD can have other people have these moments and that the thoughts get worse before they get better, cause, back then, if I was off medication, I would probably compulse or gag all day/leave work. So some progress is better than none at least (: I used to worry I was cheating, and now I know that it isn’t that, and that these thoughts are coming out of my control, it even feels like a different voice, it’s my voice but it feels like an outsider, not something I am or actually “thought” even thought I thought it. Does anyone else have this too? What are some tips to handle this? My psychiatrist appointment will not be until February so I wanted to calm myself down a bit since I have a time away until I can vent to a professional. Thank you!

My mom and I are watching American horror story and before this, I knew Sarah Paulson was in it, I think she’s a wonderful actress but when I say her and pointed her out to my mom my brain said “yeah and she’s a known lesbian, you’d be happier like her” and I just got this entirely huge wave of anxiety and now I’m sweating. I’m so worried my bisexuality has been a farce this whole time and I don’t like men and even if I still do like men, why don’t I feel anything for my bf? We played terraria for a couple hours today and it was fun but it didn’t feel like we were more than friends. Maybe cuz I’m a bit stressed and obsessing. I found myself a bit bored while he was explaining( idk why, I’ve never played the game so I needed help lol. I can’t tell if I’ve actually fallen out of love with him or not. I’m so happy around him but I can’t tell if it’s as a friend. I’m scared about the future of our relationship and idk if it’s cuz I don’t want it or cuz I’m scared about having a family and worrying about blowing it up if I find out I’m a lesbian. I feel so awkward saying I love you to him and I’m worried it means I’ve realized it’s comphet. I’m still sweating. I’m wearing his sweater. I barely feel sad. I barely feel anxious. It feels like I’ve grieved the relationship and am just holding on. And part of me just wants to say I’m gay and end it but idk if that’s true. Pls help Idk what’s me or what’s ocd if it is even that help

OCD brings so much unnecessary guilt and shame, and I understand we need to accept the uncertainty and be able to find forgiveness within ourselves if we are dealing with past issues, but is it really possible to eliminate these negative feelings and be able to focus on the present? I'm always looking back and wishing things had ended up differently. "Maybe if I didn't do this, maybe if these things didn't occur... Maybe." It wasn't always like this for me, and that's how I've been holding onto hope that things will improve if I continue to march forward, seeking help from professionals and people around me. But, I still have those thoughts... That life would be much easier if I didn't have to deal with any of this, and these thoughts act as a weight that tugs me down and keeps me from progression. How do people do it? I flip-flop between this multiple times a day. I'll be hopeful, and then the next second, I don't even want to be here. I'm going to be seeing my psychiatrist in a little over a week from now, but I've picked up so many new fears since my last appointment (a month ago). There's always something... It feels impossible. I know it technically isn't, but still. I've seen people that have more extreme cases than my own, and they've been able to recover. But if it isn't my exact situation, the doubt always finds a way to sneak in, and it makes me feel like I don't deserve a future where I'm not constantly being bombarded by intrusive thoughts and things. Before this, I had intrusive thoughts. It's normal, but I didn't remember each and every one, if any. It's hard to move forward with all of this, coupled with the loads of trauma I have to unravel. I don't feel like a "normal" life is even possible for me. I miss who I was a year ago. I've lost all confidence in myself in the span of seven months. I feel like I have whiplash from how quickly things changed. This post started out with a genuine question, but it turned into a mini vent. I'm sorry😭 I'm genuinely curious if life will ever go back to how it was, or if people just live with this constant voice in their heads shouting at them every day.

So for background: bf is Muslim, I am Christian and bisexual, and we have slightly different beliefs on the topics of queer life. He’s not opposed to anything queer people do and is respectful and asks me questions when he doesn’t get something, like how I figured out I was bi (had a crush on a girl that felt the same as having a crush on guy). But my brain latching onto this slight difference is making it the be all end all of the relationship. I worry about kids and what would happen if they were queer even tho I know his answer, he’d love them and wouldn’t disown them but would know it’s a challenge from god, while me I’d be there for whatever choice they child makes, and he would be too. And I’m 19 so kids are a 10+ year out issue and another 15 years on that for identity stuff I just want my kids to be generally respectful human beings and if they need to talk about smthn I want us to be an open space. I know for Muslims it’s taboo and I’ve seen debate about what the Quran says about queerness. From what I’ve read online, not directly from a Quran: homosexuality isn’t mentioned at all, lut’s people were punished for rape, tho I’d have to read back. I’ve spoken to queer Muslims for advice, read what I can from both sides. And me growing up Christian I’ve seen the same ideas perpetuated And my bf ig is indifferent? To queerness that is. He’s not one to go to pride, which is fine I’m not a huge fan of parades myself, but he’s ok talking about it for him it’s a “not practicing” thing. He’s ok with people loving who they love and wouldn’t verbally abuse someone for being in love with someone of the same sex. Idk what he thinks tho when he does see a same sex couple or I mention smthn about a queer show I like. I mentioned this to the ROCD subreddit, bad idea. Someone said I clearly don’t feel safe and think this is the best I’m gonna get out of life or smthn and he’s hoping I change but we’ve agreed, no converting unless it’s of my own will, and we have our beliefs, I’d likely take on teaching stuff about pride doing my best to not cross a boundary. Which sayinf does feel weird to me but I hope my kids will know I’m a safe person to talk about it with cuz I am queer. I do feel safe and loved with him, I just wanna broaden his horizons to the struggles of queer people, especially in his community which is easier said than done and we don’t talk about queer stuff very often. I’m very outspoken during pride, he isn’t, which as a man, Muslim or not, I get. Now I feel numb and I’m crying a lot cuz idk if I can teach him anything from my pov or if I just have to end it. I don’t wanna do that. I did find myself a couple months ago when this topic started saying I hope nothing happens with our kids cuz I’m scared of divorce but I don’t think what happens with them would affect us, maybe some tension. Idk. I’ve seen people, Muslim and Christian, support their kids, so I’m hoping an overwhelming love for his child would maybe change his mind. I’m worried about every possibility of divorce not just this one part, I’m worried I’m gonna realize I’m in the wrong relationship or that I’m gay and have to leave, the second I know is not true. I’m bi and always have been, always will be. Tho I’m really worried it’s just comphet and I’m only in this relationship cuz I have to have a husband not because I love the man. I do love him and feel genuine feelings towards him it’s just they’re really buried under all the anxiety. I feel like everyone is gonna say the same thing. No he doesn’t expect me to convert to Islam. No he doesn’t believe in forcing things on me. Yes thisbis a taboo topic and idk how to approach it. I’ve been reading from Muslims for progressive values, lgbt muslims on Reddit, and my friend who is also queer and an ex Muslim cuz she didn’t align with it, recommended a local queer Muslim association. I know in Islam the thoughts are acceptable but the actions are not but from what I’ve read, the actions of the prophet lut’s people was rape but I could be incorrect because I haven’t read the Quran itself. Islam is a beautiful religion and I have thought about converting but there’s that one caveat to it. I’ve seen reverts denounce their queerness and to each their own but my bisexuality will always be mine regardless of mine or my partner’s religion. There’s no guarantee of the future, things could change between now and then both better and worse. Idek if I can have kids, carry to term or even begin to carry them cuz of my figure (im underweight for my age and height and it doesn’t seem to improve lol) I just wanna grow with him, I’m learning what I can from him and I want him to do the same. We’ve made our compromises on holidays and stuff, neither of us will do much of the religious for the other but we will spend time together during Christmas and Ramadan cuz that’s what matters to me at least. And I know it’s hard to change hard instilled religious belief but I’d like to at least get him to be more open in talking about it. He’s watched good omens with me, very low queer exposure but still, it’s smtjn. I’d like to have him watch falsettos cuz it’s musical and it’s about smtjn that deeply impacted queer people in the 70s/80s and has religious tones (judaism) and it’s one of my favourites. He’s iffy on drag but I like explaining it’s fun for me to express smthn like this even if it’s a 0.0000001% chance of changing his mind. It’s at least educating him. He’ll sometimes respond with an ohh or a huh interesting which makes me happy that he wants to listen even if he doesn’t get it. Idk if anything will change in the future. But I wanna live through this with him and idk if it’s just a huge obsession or if it’s an actual concern. I need to stay off of this app and Reddit honestly.

This might contain triggering content, but I'm also wondering if others have dealt with this similar thought, and if so, how to deal with it? Overall, I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm able to eat again, which I hadn't been able to do because of how much anxiety I'd been experiencing. I'm spending time around loved ones and not just rotting in my room, and I've been able to wake up without immediately being bombarded by intrusive thoughts. When things first got really bad, I'd wake my mom up every night for reassurance, but I haven't done that in a while either. I'm really proud of myself, but there's still this nagging thought in my mind... While looking through others posts on here, hoping to find advice that'd fit my situation, I ended up making things worse. Someone mentioned how they had a fear that they'd purposely search for illegal content (related to POCD). I panicked, and "what ifs" flooded my thoughts. "What if the intrusive thoughts affect who I am as a person, and I do that?" I'm terrified that I'll search for those things, which I know means I wouldn't do it. But then, another person on here said they'd actually looked for those things, and that freaked me out even more. Does that mean it's possible for that to happen to me? I don't want to do that, but I keep having intrusive thoughts surrounding it. I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm just... stuck. I don't know what to do. I've spoken with other people who have the same fears, but how do I manage this? It's not something I've even thought about before seeing those posts. I've been practicing accepting the uncertainty, but I'm really struggling with this one. I hate this. This morning, I woke up, and the intrusive thoughts were back. It's just disheartening.

I just can’t get my head around the doubt / anxiety feeling my in chest. I’m sitting here atm thinking omg what if I don’t have ocd and I actually have these thoughts etc? I haven’t been actually diagnosed. I have self diagnosed myself as obviously everything I’ve read and especially now being on this app I can see how I’m very similar to people on here. So that’s the first stress this morning and the second one is I’m thinking, how do I ACTUALLY know I don’t like girls until I try kiss one ( this gives me extreme anxiety because I’ve never wanted to kiss a girl ever! Nor even thought about it!!! ) but ever since I’ve been struggling with this soocd, I’m having all these thoughts and causing me such distress. I’m like omg I’d never even try and kiss a girl because what if I DO like it??? I don’t want to be a lesbian at all! I have a boyfriend of 5 years and love him to bits!!! I just think, this is ocd is written down to a T? It’s wants that 100% certainty and I won’t be fully happy until some magic man comes down from heaven and says, you’re straight 100%😂 I just wanted to get your guys thoughts on it? Does this sound like ocd? Or things you’ve experienced before ?? Thanks xxx

I can't sleep, anyone else here is up to chat? Ask me anything

I'm freaking out a bit right now. I've been doing okay for the past few days, but these thoughts and memories are still bothering me. I was in the car earlier and remembered a post I'd seen on here where someone said they had POCD thoughts that would tell them they'd go searching for illegal content online, and ever since then, it's really triggered my POCD. I'd never even considered that a possibility, and now I'm scared. I thought, "What if I do that?" But I know that I wouldn't... But the thought pops up occasionally, and it's really starting to bother me. I even had the thought of, "What if it's genuine curiosity to what that would look like?" And now I'm panicking. I feel like a horrible human being. I don't want those things. I wish these thoughts would just go away, but it all feels so real. I've been trying really hard these past few days, but sometimes it feels like I might snap and really do something. I'm really scared right now. If anyone could offer advice, I'd really appreciate it. I feel insane, and I can't even share this with anyone close to me. The next appointment with my psychiatrist isn't until after the holidays, and I feel like I'm barely holding on sometimes. I don't know how I'm doing it.

(for context, read my other posts) I feel like no one responds to my posts (even if that’s not true). I think it might be because it seems like I’m asking for reassurance, or maybe it’s just the algorithm. I just want to talk to someone who has similar experiences or can relate. I’m really desperate.

I regret researching every single day🫠 In the beginning, I thought searching for similar stories to my own would help ease my fears, but my mind ended up latching onto their worries, which only heightened the anxiety I had before. There were worries I didn't have, and now I do.

I want to start off by saying I haven't been formally diagnosed, but it's been a discussion with my psychiatrist. I've been diagnosed with GAD in the past, though, as well as ASD. I've been watching Nathan Peterson's videos on YouTube after I began considering the culprit behind my intrusive thoughts to be OCD, but I'm really struggling to apply his teachings to myself and to hold onto hope that things will get better. The memories, thoughts, and images in my mind seem so vivid and constant. A little over a year ago, none of these things were an issue for me. Now, I feel as if I'll never escape this feeling of constant guilt and shame over things from childhood that I'd forgotten about until recently. How do I stop feeling like my life is over? I'm only 19 years old, but it feels like it's too late for me. I'm going to request a referral to an OCD specialist from my psychiatrist and hopefully find someone in my area who practices ERP. I've considered finding a NOCD therapist, but I'm hesitant. I've never done online therapy. If anyone has any advice, it'd be greatly appreciated. I made a post on here the other day as well, and I don't want to make a habit out of it, but I'm just feeling really lost at the moment. Is recovery possible? What are your personal experiences, if any, with ERP therapy or any techniques you use to combat these thoughts? Thank you! :)

I feel like the thoughts are actually me now. Specifically the ones about my sexuality. I’m bisexual so yes I do like women but I’m worried I ONLY like women now and will lose my bf. Idk if I actually want to have sex with a woman. I’ve never had the desire to. Idk if I actually want to leave my boyfriend. Right now I feel indifferent when a few hours ago I actually felt normal feelings. I’m scared im never gonna enjoy sex with him again and I’m gonna be leading him on for years denying that I only like women when I do actually like men and enjoy sex with them it’s just when I have a lot on my plate (my thoughts, finals, other family stuff cuz yay holidays) I can’t actively enjoy it and want it to be over faster. I hate this. I just want to be normal. I’m getting Groinals over nothing and idk how to deal with them. Like I’m reading a story about lesbians coming out or I’m typing smtjn about my anxiety around the thoughts of my sexuality and I feel smthn down there. And I’m worried it’s true. I don’t feel actual anxiety in my stomach about it but I start ruminating but still feel confused. There’s no answer at the end. Is that normal? Idk what to do. My therapist and I took a break cuz Christmas so I’m out of therapy for 3 weeks. What can I do? What happens if I actually do enjoy the thoughts? I know it wouldn’t take away from me loving my boyfriend but I’m worried it’s gonna be stronger but again, doesn’t take away my love for him. Even if I’m slightly more attracted to women, I still like men. I can’t imagine myself being intimate with anyone anymore tho. Except my boyfriend when it’s actually happening but lately it feels like a mental block before we start but I go forward anyways. How do I know if it’s denial or if it’s just ocd? I’m scared that I’ll come out the other side of this a lesbian. My brain is already conjuring up thoughts of “aha I’ve solved it I’m a lesbian” when NO!! I LIKE MEN. I know I do. I just also like women. YOPPEE me for having options. CAN I PLEASE BE HAPPY WITH THE OPTION I CHOSE? THE TALL NERDY MAN J FELL IN LOVE WITH? FOR JUST A MINUTE? How do I know if I actually don’t have feelings for him and am just holding on cuz of denial? How do I know? I want a future with him and it seems so peaceful and beautiful but then my brain says “noooo you’re gonna break up with him cuz it’d be better being with a woman. Jordan wand is dating alistair and she’s happy” like good for her she has a gf but she’s also bi and likes men she’s just dating a woman. SHHH. Like my brain is convincing me that “ah yes this is the wrong person for you stupid.” No. I know I should stop fighting the thoughts but accepting uncertainty scares the shit out of me cuz what if I accept too much of it and actually end up hating my boyfriend. Even if I do remain bi what happens then? It’s 6 am I need to sleep I’ve been up all night. I’m supposed to study but I can’t.

I’m positive I have OCD I don’t think get too many compulsions but the obsessions are what mess with me. I’ve recently started medication for depression that is as a side effects supposed to treat ocd but I’m not noticing anything with the symptoms. Also who do I go to to try to get an actual diagnosis?

I'm sorry if this post is long, but I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with a similar issue? I'm currently seeking an OCD diagnosis from a psychiatrist, but we're trying out medication right now, so it's sort of a waiting game at the moment. I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in the past, but I suspect I might have OCD due to the onset in intrusive thoughts I've been having recently (the past 6-7 months). I've had intrusive thoughts when I was younger and convinced myself I'd harm my family members and grow up to be a serial killer. It was extremely distressing, and I'd cry myself to sleep every night after imagining scenarios where I actually committed those crimes. Although, recently, I've been dealing with thoughts of becoming a p*dophile. It began when I was 18 years old (I'm currently 19 years old). A family member opened up to me about them being assaulted at their daycare, and this led me to get a really horrible image of something like that happening to my little brothers who had just started daycare and elementary school. Then, this spiraled into games my younger sister and I would play with each other when we were younger (I must've been 8 years old), and I had worried I might have done something bad. I confessed this to her, my psychiatrist and both of my parents, and they reassured me I didn't do anything wrong, but the thoughts didn't stop. I began obsessing over every little memory from childhood, and a lot of bad memories resurfaced. As a child, I had unrestricted internet access, as I'm sure a lot of my generation did. This led me to have inappropriate conversations online with adults who knew my age, and later, I went down a rabbit hole of finding inappropriate content on YouTube. For years, these memories rarely crossed my mind or mattered to me until recently. In the process of researching for reassurance, I found out about hypersexuality. I'm afraid that those things I engaged in as a child might've caused all of this? I'm not even positive if I'm hypersexual, but one of the symptoms was paraphilia, and I freaked out. What if what I thought was POCD is actually hypersexuality, and I'm going to give into these intrusive thoughts/urges... I try to tell myself that if it's causing me this much distress, that won't happen, but then my mind tells me there's always a possibility, and maybe I'm just in denial about it all? What if these intrusive thoughts make me become a horrible person? It's such an isolating experience. I'm sorry for the long post, but advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm wondering if people have had similar experiences and, if so, how have you dealt with these thoughts? Thank you🥲

Idk if it’s ROCD rn. I don’t feel much anxiety but it could be habituation to the thoughts of breaking up and worrying about if I love him enough. It’s hard to see a future. I’m pretty sure I still want it. It’s just it’s hard to see cuz of the thoughts I’m having. But there’s no anxiety. Is it just me falling out of love? Idk anymore. I’m a bit stressed and sad. I do love him but I worry I don’t love him enough. We’re of different cultures and religions and reading comments online people say it just doesn’t work so maybe it’s getting in my head. I feel a bit numb and confused. I still respond to the thoughts so that doesn’t help. Before all this a future with him was so clear but now imagining it I feel slightly anxious. Maybe it’s cuz I’m worried the risk won’t work out. I do want it to work out but I’m finding it hard to pixture the future Maybe it’s cuz idk what’s in store cuz this isn’t the life I imagined for myself. I never imagined dating a sweet Muslim guy. I thought I’d date a mediocre white man lol or a woman(yay bisexual, but also really scared cuz of soocd which could also be impacting this) So it’s a huge culture shift for me. I can’t see the wedding. I can sorta see the apartment. That doesn’t really change much, just the decor. I can’t see a family even tho I really really want it. I want to be immersed in his family and culture. I’m worried I’m gonna get bored of him which is literally impossible. I’m worried I’m gonna cringe at his looks. I’m worried I’m gonna realize I’m gay in the future (I’m not I know that. I like men) idk. I’m scared and confused. Did anyone else struggle with being unable to picture the future but knew or sorta knew you still wanted it despite the thoughts you were having? I can’t tell if it’s just an ocd thought or a genuine concern because of our differences even tho we’ve discussed everything. I know there will be events we can’t expect but we talked about what we could and then my brain jumps to worst case scenarios about smthn that may not even happen I want to live my life with him I know that. Idk what to do or how to distinguish the thoughts. Usually if it’s a what if it’s a not me thoight is what my therapist says so I try that but a lot of the thoughts come as statements. What do I do?

hi i just found this app but I’ve been wondering for some time if I have ROCD and I wanted some opinions on what other people thought so sorry it’s so long it’s my first time getting it off my chest haha i’ve been in 3 relationships including one i’m currently in. to give a run down- my first relationship was peaceful except i constantly wondered and worried about if we were a good fit, making bigger problems of small things, always psychoanalyzing what was wrong with my partner even though he was a really good boyfriend and we were happy. that one ended because of distance and then i entered my second relationship soon after. i felt so sure about this guy but he had a very severe case of retroactive jealousy, constantly asking inappropriate and intimate questions about me and my ex and getting angry when i couldn’t give him the reassurance he wanted. he was very manipulative and microcheated on me multiple times and that’s the reason why we essentially broke up. during that relationship i was constantly battling with myself with feelings of anxiety and mistrust. now i’m with my current boyfriend and we’re a work in process but he’s a good guy and i’m now realizing that i need to work on myself but im not sure if it’s partly due to rocd. we met on an app and we were talking to each other for about three months without being exclusive because i was scared that putting a label on it would make me get attached and get hurt by him because of my 2nd ex. i explained myself for why the no label but i did tell him that i didn’t want him having sex with other people if he was serious about pursuing us as a relationship because i find sex to be important and he’s had 20 bodies in the past because he only had one other relationship and after that he’s been casually dating for a couple years. he agreed but he ended up sleeping with someone. i took him back because i was the one that made it not exclusive when he asked for one. after that we made it exclusive but a month in we had a problem and being the avoidant that he is, he ran away and ended things with me. he ended up sleeping with the same girl he slept with a month before and it really hurt me. even though i did say it was not exclusive, i haven’t been seeing anyone else but him during the three months and i treated him like a boyfriend which is partly my fault. after much consideration and talking things through, i took him back and ever since he has done nothing wrong to make me question his loyalty or his intentions with me (other than the fact that he watches porn but we see each other once a week. i did tell him i don’t like that because he finds other ppl pretty and fuckable but he doesn’t get it. he said when we do have sex regularly he’ll stop watching it because he agrees at that point porn is unnecessary) we are definitely more of a slow burn relationship, it’s more steady and calm. but i can’t help but feel so turbulent inside. i’m constantly checking his social media (i have a really bad problem of stalking my ex’s social media. it used to be 10+ times a day but now ive gotten better with my ex), when he’s out with his friends he is not really on his phone and i’d stay up until 3am checking his location (he’s normally not a text person but he’s also working on that because i did tell him id like some updates), im constantly thinking that he’s going to get sick of me and that he’ll find other women pretty or that he’ll be happy with someone else. i try not to share all this with him because i feel crazy sometimes with these intrusive thoughts that i can’t get rid of but it does seep out even when im being so cautious. i feel like my 2nd ex had an influence on me, making me normalize the obsessive thinking that was happening every day while we were together and id just really like to have a peace of mind so i can enjoy this relationship for what it is. sorry this was so long but is this just the byproduct of my shitty ex or is this some sort of ocd i’m experiencing? any tips on how to snap out of times when the intrusive thoughts come crashing in? thank u for hearing me out

I am starting to come to grips with intrusive thoughts, reading how your brain will think of the worst thing / or make you think of something that really distresses you. BUT, I’ve got something I need to get off my chest, not looking for reassurance but just to know I’m not alone I guess? I remember one time, I saw a girl I follow on Instagram go on a marathon, and then went straight out for dinner after without showering and I had the passing thought of, gosh she must smell, even worse, she must smell down there. That has got to be the worst intrusive thought EVER, and because it affected me so much, I have the urge to think of this horrible horrible thought most times I look at people. Wondering if they smell!!!! It’s disgusting!!!! :( I don’t know if this is because I also have contamination ocd and I do obsess about feeling and being clean.

TW: suicidal Constantly fixated on the fact of helping people. I’m always doing compulsions like checking social medias to see if people need help etc, it’s exhausting cause I’m so sad I’m unable to help everyone. I just don’t know what to do and if I’m being entirely honest it’s making me not wanna be here anymore. I’m afraid that if i walk away from my phone for even 5 minutes someone will be in need and in danger and I want be there to help therefore it’s my fault etc. how can i cope with this? Obviously I want to help people but I wanna do it in different ways

Hello All, I’m very new to this forum. And over the past few weeks I was doing okay with my OCD. Until , I dealt with a real life scenario that sent me into a spiral for two whole days and impacted my sleep. I was walking out of the store, shaking a protein shake, I noticed a guy, and my OCD theme lately has been cheating/fear of cheating on my boyfriend of four years. I was formally diagnosed with OCD last year when I had sexual images and nightmares about a coworker. Yesterday, I was shaking the protein shake, I told myself to not be afraid. I looked at them. The issue was that they looked back. I felt so scared that I just started something inappropriate or something sexual. My sister told me I didn’t cheat and that I’m slowing down the event cause it was only a few seconds. My fear lasted for days and I did compulses by asking for reassurance from my sister and Friend. Even the fear in my stomach made me think that I created a moment with this stranger and felt afraid because I didn’t realize I was shaking the protein shake until after since it was a unconscious thing I did. I overthought the moment to the point where I started gagging and couldn’t sleep. Because my OCD told me I had cheated. Or that “feeling” in my stomach made me think I “liked the situation” or “what if I liked the person” How do yall deal with Intrusive thoughts that come in real time?