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😓 Okay, so here’s one of the biggest things I’m working on in ERP: driving. I’m 19. I have had my temps before, and I’ve let them expire because I keep putting off getting my license. And the frustrating part is… I WANT TO DRIVE. I really do. I want the independence and freedom that comes with it. My brain obviously has other plans. 😂 When I’m in a car, I’m always buckled in, sitting properly, etc. But I’m absolutely horrified of getting into a crash. It’s not just the fear of dying. My OCD gives me extremely graphic mental images of what could happen in a crash people being severely injured, bodies being badly hurt, things going through windshields, my own body being injured, etc. My brain goes straight to the absolute worst-case scenario. So naturally, I’ve been avoiding driving. Which as a college student who would love to leave the house… not so fun. 😒 I want to drive before my spring semester so I can take myself to class and stuff!😭I’m honestly terrified, but I also know I don’t want fear making this decision for me anymore!! If anyone else has dealt with a driving fear or a fear of catastrophic accidents through OCD, I’d really love to hear about your experience. ❤️

Okay I’m sorry if this isn’t the place to put things like this and I’m going to put some context but I have an extremely close friend who I admittedly had a crush on at one point. It caused a messy falling out I ended up back on great terms again but ever since then my ocd has latched onto every moment I have with her convincing me that it’s a crush and most of the time I’ve managed but this last week it’s been really bad and it feels like I’m doing all of the same things wrong I did the first time I had a crush on her. I want to hope that it’s OCD or an extinction burst but it feels so much more real this time. If anyone either has some insight or experience with anything similar to this please let me know. I don’t want reassurance just perspective I guess is the way to put it

Today has been the worst spiral I’ve had for weeks. There is this constant memory in my head that I can’t shake because I’m terrified. Basically 2 years ago on Halloween of 2024 an old guy friend messaged me on Snapchat. I remember I was in the shower and went on my phone to check something, I saw his chat and I clicked on it and I do not remember at all what he said. I do remember replying to it and then about 5 ish minutes later I unadded him and another guy because I didn’t want my fiancé (bf at the time) to think I was cheating or anything, I think if I can remember that’s why I removed them because I didn’t want all these guys on my snap from highschool or anything that I used to talk to to be on there, my anxiety was really bad around October, so I think I removed them out of respect for my relationship (me saying I think is even making the spiral worse.) That’s all I remember. But I’ve been spiraling over this thought for almost 2 years because the memory keeps getting fuzzier and fuzzier. Basically I’m terrified because I keep having the occurring thought about “what if I cheated and removed him to hide the evidence.” I’m so scared. After I removed him I remembered I felt good because I felt like a loyal girlfriend, but now I think that’s what happened because I’ve been thinking on it for days to the point where the memory is even more fuzzier. But I’m scared my brain is telling me that “I felt good because I deleted evidence of cheating.” Etc. I think if I can remember I removed those guys out of respect for my fiancé (bf at the time) and I didn’t want/feel the need to have any guy friends or talk to them because I had my man. I’m scared about what if I’m making this up and I actually did something unloyal. What if I felt good afterwards because I hid cheating evidence? I dont know what to believe and my memory of the whole event is so fuzzy.OCD has been the worst thing I’ve ever dealt with. I feel like I can’t trust myself, the reason why this is bothering me so bad is because a long time ago when my fiance and I first started dating, I struggled with explicit content. I would watch it, and (embarrassing part) I’d play this game called character ai and I’d create like explicit/spicy stories on there etc. For awhile, I hid the character ai game from my fiancé (bf at the time) because I think it was out of embarrassment. And later on I told him and told him that i was nervous to tell him because I didn’t know what he’d think about it. Now onto the ocd part, my ocd is telling me that “if you hid that, then you definitely cheated and hid that too, thats why you removed the guy and deleted him and a few other guys too. You definitely sent a nude, you definitely flirted.” And so on and so on. It never stops ever and i dont know how to deal with this anymore. Has anyone else’s ocd ever gotten this bad? Mine also gets terrible at work whenever i interact with male customers. It tells me I flirt, cheat and I also get these bad intrusive thoughts. Worst thing ever.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now. He’s my first serious longterm relationship. Before I always struggled with keeping relationships and broke them up quite quickly (mostly after one week to 9 months). I always thoughts about not feeling it, having doubts and having the urge to leave or suddenly got thoughts about me being gay when I’m not. I always gave in to this urge and sometimes regretted it. I blamed it on my age but looking back I had signs of ROCD and SOOCD. I met my boyfriend on hinge and was imminently into him. We talked for like 4 months before making it official. Sadly we’re long distance but we see each other pretty often. Before him I had some bad experience with two other guys who cheated on me and broke my trust. Since I already have low self esteem since my childhood it made it even worse. I came from a household where both of my parents cheated on each other. My boyfriend had one long term gf before me and I was imminently obsessed with her. I was convinced that he still loved her. She broke up when she was traveling alone in another country over the phone to find herself. She did not gave him any reasons so it’s quite understandable that it hurt him. She came back in august 2024 (still in our talking stage) and they meet up for a last talk and for him to get his stuff back. I was so worried that something will happen but he promised that nothing happened. I still look at her social media to this day. My boyfriend reassurances me that he mostly did like her as a friend and their relationship felt more like a friendship to him and was sad that he lost her as a friend. He does not miss her as a girlfriend because most of the time they just fought. In the beginning of our relationship I stalked his location, social media, friends and got mad when he didn’t text me back quickly. My whole mood depended on it. During his exam phase he was quite busy and couldnt text that much. Another thing what bothered me were other attractive women. I always scanned the area to look for women that matched his type and got mad at him. During our talking stage he went on a cruise trip alone (booked before we met) and meet a girl there which he hung out with in a bigger group. They were the same age and hung out as friends. She texted him a year later on ig to give him an update on a contest she told him about on the trip. I found it weird since she had his number but he showed me the chat. This girl had zero respect for herself or other people. She texted him quite often and tried flirting with him. My boyfriend sadly isn’t the smartest and texted her back in a friendly way. He told her he had a girlfriend after the second time she asked (which i found weird). She was lowkey mad and told him if it doesnt work out he can always talk to her. He didn’t understand. I told him to ask for her intentions and she asked if I found out and said she never wanted to make me feel hurt and she always texts to her guy friends like that. He blocked her after and deleted their messages. He sometimes makes jokes without thinking and some of them were meh. But he always apologized. Another thing that threw me off was when we’re dating he out of curiosity looked on hinge what kind of people where living in my city (when he visited me). When I caught him he explained and said he was just curious and was sorry that he hurt me and deleted the app. (We both still had it during the time because of our first messages lol I still had it too). All this things kinda hurt but he always worked on it and did better. He said that he doesn’t want to lose me and will so anything to keep me. And he keeping his word. In march this year I went to my exam phase and he did too. I was mad again for him being busy. Something in me flipped. Mid march on our holiday in Norway I got strong break up urges/thoughts and immense doubts. They always changed from do I love him, Am I gay?, His looks, His personality, my past relationships, am I still in love with my ex, his past mistakes, hating him and so on. They changed quite quickly. I’m in a spiral since and my head hurts so much. I wake up and have these thoughts all day. I don’t feel lovely dovey anymore or have the butterflies. What bothers me that he did make some mistakes and I forgave him and he did better. But now all I can see are these mistakes and not the good things in him. It’s like my brain is scaning for advice to break up. I don’t want to really. I always found it easier to hate someone instead of forgiving them. I was always a negative person. Now I’m asking for some advice from other people. Are these actual concerns or is my ROCD making everything worse.

Hey Does anyone know any good tips to calm my anxiety during rumination and remembering past things that relate to genital staring? The anxiety seems to only get worse and no matter what I do, the panic still ends up coming. I've tried allowing myself to glance without fear because I know its not out of sexual/power. I've tried telling myself I'll worry another time (it works for a bit because I then don't worry later, but it always catches up.) I've tried going out. I've tried researching (probably not the best idea) Same with confessing (everyone is so understanding but I still feel like I am lying to get out of a crime I haven't even committed) I've tried sleeping but I wake up worse. I've tried telling myself maybe I am that to reduce the fuel, yet it only makes it worse. Music makes the panic more intense. I just need anything. Please. I don't know what to do. How am I even going to go through the ERP that I want to aim for if I can't even cope alone? When people with OCD say my situation is classic, yet I still panic? When people trust I am not a pedophile even though I fear I am one. (this includes staring too, but I don't have a tag, oops)

I was just free from real event ocd for like a week, but then one morning unknown anxiety showed up at my door. I thought it was just another ocd flare from real event ocd, but I felt like this time was different. This anxiety showed up with thousands of intrusive thoughts, and then the question came, “am I really recovering?”. I tried utilizing accepting that the possibility of not recovering could be true, but that gave my OCD an excuse to use that as leverage. It fired back with “so how do you know if you’re really free if you’re uncertain about full recovery? Doesn’t full recovery mean being free?” That scares me because that thought contradicts my decision to feel free by choosing uncertainty. This feels like a loop. I need help man

i seem to be having a really bad physical flare up. i have been for months. i dont know how to feel better. my symptoms include; sensitive skin, sick body aches, joint pain and aches, calves ache, bad headaches, chills, hot flashes, exhaustion, muscle fatigue, memory problems, reeling feeling, brain zaps, my heart beats loudly and strong, sick aches in my stomach, and classic anxiety symptoms. i went to the doctor over a month ago and got blood work done but everything is clean. ik this is the second post i have made about this but i need some relief. i am having a bad flare up day. this has been going on since like april. i dont do much with my life because i cant really. im assuming this is linked with anxiety/ocd/depression, but i just need some relief. i am tired. any advice will help, thank you

Im a 16 year old Trans male, and a couple days ago I started having intrusive pdf file thoughts, and I haven't been able to do anything since, I have looked it up and educated myself on Pure-O OCD and all my symptoms match, but god is it difficult. I can't eat or sleep, in fact I am writing this right now as I try to sleep but can't because of the constant anxiety. It's like there's this voice in my head going against everything I believe in, and I know they're not true but I can't help but seek reassurance from my family and friends. I feel so anxious all the time, and I can only feel "normal" for a couple minutes throughout the day is I engage in my mental compulsion, like watching videos and looking at websites to make absolute sure I just have Pure-O OCD. I hate this disease and really miss how simple my life was before I had it, I can't be near my family or friends without feeling this intense anxiety because my brain keeps saying "They don't know you're a pdf file" WHEN IM NOT, IVE NEVER FELT ATTRACTION TOWARDS KIDS, IVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO THEM AND IDK WHAT TO DO, I CANT GET MY MIND STRAIGHT AND I CRY EVERYDAY AS I FEEL LIKE IM LOOSING MY MIND. Will any older POCD sufferers tell me if they've been through the same thing as me or not? I can't even see kids on TV shows or animated films without my anxiety rising and can barely go through any sexual themes or jokes during TV time and this makes me fear that I'll never be able to find love or maybe have a kid of my own someday. I just really hope there is a way to at least get way better then where I am now

i’m an autistic 21f and i made friends with someone who was almost 18f online (literally a couple months away). i didn’t think much of it at the time since she was almost 18 and was already in college, working, doing adult stuff and we got along really well. i live at home and am not in college or work right now because i am disabled and living off disability. so i’m very socially stunted. i was excited to have a friend because i was struggling with making online friends. we became pretty close friends and would talk all the time. we bonded over shared life experiences, opinions, fandom stuff, gossip, our art, etc. i never spoke sexually towards her, pushed for romance, or trauma dumped on her. we just had a really good connection, genuine friends. everything i’ve read strictly points away from grooming. then i realized it could look bad, and i stepped back slowly after i’d say 2/3 months of being friends with her. she’s 18 now after i mostly left. i am terrified because of all the discourse about adults befriending minors. i am so scared that i have harmed her or that i will get called out for it and lose all my friends and my art career online. that’s my ocd and it’s been KILLING me. ive barely slept or eaten. i’ve been doing compulsions for months. now i will never befriend another minor again, and minors in general scare me. i’m so so scared that just because i met her and treated her (mostly) equally before she reached that legal threshold that i have harmed her in some way. i’m considering deleting all my art accounts and never posting again. ditching all of my friends and my girlfriend even before they can leave me. i’m in erp now but it hasn’t quite started yet. this sucks. i just i wish i could go back and undo it. or that she was just a couple months older when we met.

i know from the title it might seem like this is a compulsion and that i'm just seeking reassurance and maybe that's what this is but i'm not too sure. in my past relationship with my ex boyfriend when we had sex for the first time, i told him to stop. i was right next to his ear so i just thought he didn't stop because he didn't hear me so i brushed it off and just ignored it. it was only afterwards he asked me if it was okay he had carried on even though i had told him to stop which obviously proves he did hear me and just decided not to stop. it was my first time having sex like ever so i wanted him to stop because it hurt. i'm asking if this is just my ocd or if it's real because i remember it so clearly happening but now im worried im just making it up to spite him and have just put it in my head, it's obviously a very serious thing which is why it's causing me so much distress. i don't know why id do that though because since then ive moved on, when him and i broke up i knew before then id have to talk to him about the things he done without my consent. idk it's just really stressing me out because it's a serious situation and even though i have no plans on taking further steps with it, questioning and doubting myself is driving me insane

I will apologize in advance for the long post. I went to a big city with some friends a few months ago and went to a place I am not proud of and highly regret. I had not told my wife about this. We were getting ready to try to get pregnant, and while praying I felt conviction to tell my wife of what I had done. For this, I don't regret my decision. She deserved to know. On Sunday, afternoon, I simply told her that we had went to this place. I did not go into details of what all we had done while we were in there. I took some sleeping meds and went to bed early. The next day, I felt guilt and shame for what I had done. I felt as if I was hiding things from her and not being completely transparent. Tuesday, I sit her down and told her exactly what we had done while we were in said location. I gave her names of who was with me, how long we were there. I felt a relief as I felt as if I had told her everything. I took a sleeping aid and went to bed. The next day, I felt more shame for what I had done. I replayed the event in my head. I called my friends that were with me and seen how they felt about the situation. I felt as if I may have done more than I confessed to. I didn't know if these details were true. I had major chest pressure that would not go away. When I got home, I told my wife that I didn't know if I actually did these things, but to make her decision if our marriage would work based on the fact that I did these things because I don't know. Then, I got to reading the bible about where this fit religiously. Does it classify as adultery? Does it disqualify me from ever being a religious leader? The anxiety from reading scripture would cause emotions that are hard to describe. I seeked advice from two of my religious co-workers and a family friend that caused temporary relief, but the anxiety came back. Then, being afraid of not being transparent with my wife, I told my wife about looking at pictures of other people on Instagram. She said some of this stuff I have done is creepy. My mother had a rough childhood from her stepdad, and now because of some of this, I have been "what if" myself about if I will turn into that person. I guess my main question is: have I always had OCD or is it something that I just started? I have always been obsessive over things-trucks, coolers, money. I have been indecisive. Order something, get buyer's remorse. Try to cancel the order. But I've never felt anything like I have over this moment. I know it is extremely personal which is understandable, but it is tough to process. About a week into all of this, I went to the doctor to get some help with calming my brain so I could focus at work. She gave me hydroxyzine as a short term and fluoxetine for long term. While I was taking hydroxyzine, it was like it toned out all outside noise and made my brain just focus on the faults I have and what this meant about me. I have since stopped that medicine. I am about a month into this. I am certainly a lot better. Our marriage is going to survive. But I still have thoughts about what this means about me, or I compare myself to others around me, or get triggered by something said on tv, or if I see one of my friends that was there that night.

Hi! I'm Jazz. My pronouns are she/her and they/them. I just downloaded this app. Is anyone else here undiagnosed? I probably have had ocd since I was 7. Recently I've been struggling a lot with checking. How can I stop checking the door?

New to the app, 44 yrs old and trying to connect with others that have similar problems. Ive probably had this for a while but its been worse since a car accident in March 2024. Ive been unable to work since, due to severe back problems and intrusive thoughts annoy me frequently. Not feeling like im enough in multiple different ways. Money worries, loneliness and depression to say the least and im married with 3 kids and 2 at home. Already on script for nerve problems(Amitryptiline) and wondering if thats making worse or better?? Was helping with pains but idk if its whats making me more obsessive, I also pick at my fingers at times. Thanks!!!

This is my first post on the forum and I want it to be worth something. So if you are just starting out ERP or starting out in your OCD journey, this is for you. I’m here to let you know that it gets better. Before ERP, I was in a really dark place. I was struggling so much with my intrusive thoughts, assigning meaning to them, seeking unhealthy amounts of reassurance and spiraling everyday. But after now four months of ERP, I can already feel a difference in my outlook on life and how I interact with my intrusive thoughts. With the help of my therapists and my own efforts to want to get better, I am getting better. Healing is not linear, ERP can be rough and days where I feel like I can’t control my thoughts are rough. But I have noticed more happy days, days where I can enjoy the good moments, and days where I am able to do things OCD has prevented me from doing before. Remember to lean into your ERP exposures. Remember YOU have to put in the effort to get better. Lastly, remember you are not alone in this journey. Take care and keep on going 🫶

notifications really really bother me. my brother and select few people mention a lot that i’m bad at answering texts, and they get kinda mad at me sometimes because i’ll miss things they’ve said. i don’t see it that way necessarily, i think relying on a text isn’t always good and it’s normal to follow up in real life, (which they don’t do, they make it my fault). i either get distracted or open the texts and don’t respond right away, but i always need to clear them. however, i made a connection just now while playing a game. i tend to like these styles of games, (games where you explore and upgrade your base and get higher level workers to gain resources.) now these types of games are hard for me to pull away from, the need to keep making more money, upgrade, nothing can be left untouched. while thinking about how i couldn’t get off the game, it felt similar to how i feel with notifications. the need to open everything, uncover everything, finish everything. i started to wonder if it could’ve been related to OCD. opening all notifications to clear them as a compulsion from the anxiety. i don’t know if any of this connects or makes sense but, it was like a a-ha moment, so maybe it means something. goodnight

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on my relationship and wanted to get some outside perspectives because I can’t tell if what I’m feeling is a compatibility issue or something that can be worked through. The important part is that I know my boyfriend loves me. I don’t question his love or his intentions. He’s kind, listens to me, comforts me when I’m upset, and I know he genuinely cares about me. The issue is that I don’t always feel loved because the way he naturally expresses love is very different from the way I receive it. For me, I feel most loved through consistency, emotional openness, quality time that feels intentional, playful friendship, affection shown through actions, and little things that make me feel like I’m on his mind. I don’t need grand gestures I just want to regularly feel seen, chosen and emotionally connected. Just like the way I see others (I know not to compare but it’s something I long for). He’s much more reserved. He’s not very expressive emotionally, doesn’t naturally show affection in those ways, and can come across as nonchalant. One thing I struggle with is that he doesn’t feel very consistent. Sometimes he seems engaged and present, and other times his mood feels distant or out of place, even when nothing is wrong. I know he’s busy, and I’ve wondered if he’s just naturally awkward or not very expressive, but then I start questioning whether I’m making excuses for behavior that’s simply not meeting my emotional needs. The confusing part is that whenever I’m upset, he becomes incredibly attentive. He listens, comforts me, reassures me, and acts like the emotionally present person I’ve been wanting all along. It almost feels like I only receive the type of love I crave when something is wrong, instead of during everyday moments. Because of that, I don’t find myself wondering, “Does he love me?” I know he does. What I do constantly wonder is whether I’m wasting time. I worry that if this is simply who he is, am I staying in a relationship hoping for something that may never come naturally? At the same time, I’m scared of walking away from someone who truly loves me if this is something couples can learn and grow through together. I keep wondering if there’s someone out there whose natural way of loving would align more closely with what makes me feel loved, or if every long-term relationship requires accepting differences like these. I also constantly find myself caught between two thoughts: “Maybe this is just his personality, and I’m expecting too much,” and “Maybe I’m dismissing my own needs because I love him and don’t want to lose him.” I genuinely can’t tell whether I’m giving reasonable grace to someone who expresses love differently, or whether I’m talking myself out of recognizing a real incompatibility. Then I think about what qualities he does have and I think we have a lot of similar morals and values and have lots of similar interests. So the question I keep coming back to is: Can a relationship work long-term if someone loves you deeply, but their natural way of showing love doesn’t make you feel loved? Has anyone been in a relationship like this? Were you able to learn each other’s love languages and genuinely meet in the middle, or did you realize that love alone wasn’t enough if your emotional needs were fundamentally different? I’m looking for honest experiences from people who’ve been through something similar. I don’t think either of us is doing anything wrong I just don’t know whether this is something couples grow through or whether it’s a sign that we’re fundamentally incompatible.

Hello. I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I recently saw a new psychiatrist because I moved and could no longer see my old one. I told her about some of my struggles and she mentioned that I may have OCD. I immediately dismissed it because I had a false preconception that OCD is mainly repetitive tasks like hand washing, etc. and didn't entertain the idea. On Monday, I had an appointment with my therapist and I told her what my psychiatrist said. We then discussed it in a little more detail and that's when I realized how much of OCD is in your head. After the appointment Monday PM I could not stop researching OCD. I went down a complete spiral and spent hours looking up symptoms and signs and questioning every event and interaction in my life wondering if it may be OCD. It felt like my whole world was flipped upside down and the floodgates opened. I started remembering things that were likely OCD that I thought was just severe anxiety but now make more sense. Then I started questioning if I am just imagining things now because someone mentioned OCD and my brain is trying to invent symptoms to match what I was reading. I kept looking up more things, reading the same information over and over to "confirm" I had it... and every time I thought I had myself convinced that I do have it - I started questioning it again... this went on for several hours until I was so exhausted I fell asleep. I woke up yesterday morning and it was the first thought in my head. I started replaying past events and wondering if it was OCD related... just questioning my whole life. Nothing felt real anymore. I cried so many times yesterday and I wasn't even sure why. There are so many things that make me feel like I definitely have it but then I just keep thinking maybe I don't? How do I stop? I feel like now that I have this information I don't know what to do with it. I would really love to talk to someone who has been through similar or can ask for advice. I just feel so overwhelmed.

I have been suffocated with my anxiety and OCD the past few months. My brain never goes quiet, and I mean never unless I am asleep. I dread the day for how loud my brain is and I just want to heal and be happy but I genuinely do not know how. I don’t know if anyone has tips or what not but I just need someone. I got put on Buspar for anxiety?

Hi everyone- I have been diagnosed and working through therapy and processing the fact I been have OCD, but have yet to talk to my husband about it. It’s like I have the entire convo in my head prior to even bringing it up and get overwhelmed so I just don’t bring it up. It’s a secret at this point and it’s really effecting me and our relationship. It’s like I’m living a lie. Anyone else here have a hard time talking to heir partner about even having ocd? How can I explain this to someone who I’ve been with for 18 years? To make things harder, one of our best friends has severe OCD and it literally destroyed her career, marriage and relationships as she never truly worked on her OCD so that makes us both fearful of the whole thing too. Thank you for your kind words I’m advance as I’m sure others have been in this position!

Hello! I have this fear about staring at people innapropriately. Breasts, bum, groin. This moved onto children, and it affects me greatly. I personally feel like I cannot get rid of the thought until I look. This makes me feel like I did it intentionally, which makes me worry I am a pervert. And obviously, so much worse now it's happened to children. I also get the feeling like I want it, which makes me feel worse. Like I am doing it to molest someone, but everyone knows I hate pedophilia and anything of sorts I wonder if anyone has similar stories. I feel so alone, and I don't want anyone else to as well. I'm hopefully going to a proper professional soon thankfully.