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the NOCD Community

Not really sure if this is the right place for me. I've always had a hard time dealing with my urges to do things at certain times or having things just right. There were definitely signs in my childhood that have carried on to my adult life. Some people say it's OCD some say it's not. I like to have things done by certain times of the day and if they aren't I get severe anxiety and can be a little crabby until it gets done. I do try to get out of my "routine" but I'm not always successful. I feel like a prisoner to myself sometimes. If that makes any sense. This app doesn't accept my insurance so I won't be able to do the video calls but it would be awesome to find someone to talk to. And if anyone could tell me if that sounds like OCD to you. I have to have a shower before I eat dinner. I eat dinner at a set time everyday. I will not allow dishes to sit in the sink, as soon as they hit the sink I have to wash them. Everything has to he put back in it's place by the end of the night or I will not sleep. I hate sleeping because it takes me forever to fall asleep with my anxiety but I go to bed at the same time every night and my urges won't allow me to go any earlier unless I literally fall asleep sitting up.

My OCD is getting really exhausting, it makes me take double the amount of time in almost everything. I really don’t want it to be part of my life. I have had OCD for as long as I can remember, and mine goes through phases where some months it’s less things to do, but for the last few months it has been crazy. I have intrusive thoughts and bad anxiety, if I don’t stick to my routine or do things a certain number of times my brain involves it with something bad is going to happen, and if it doesn’t feel perfect to me I have to do it again. It is just getting so annoying at this point and I need to learn how to always stay at a low amount of OCD, because I know that it will never fully go away but I want to get it down as much as possible.

Does anyone else suffer from the lack of motivation to do anything but obsess, that they lack the initiative or desire to take care of themselves. Such as proper bathing, etc. I always thought OCD was cleanliness and order, but my life is chaos, anxiety and misunderstandings and conflict in my home life. They think I initiate the conflict, but I only react to how I'm being treated to due to my OCD/anxiety, but they treat me as if nothing is wrong with me and are not supportive at all. Every day is a repeat of the day before. A never ending downward spiral. I'm convinced at times, I've seriously somehow unleashed demons that are oppressing my life and my especially my mind, and it scares me to death. I feel like I'm spiraling towards an abyss and once I plummet into it, I will be lost to true insanity. I used to take such pride in taking care of myself and things. I was constantly tidying, arranging, straightening things out of order. Now it's like, I'm exhausted from being in fight or flight, but I still suffer from the crippling anxiety attacks. Highly agoraphobia, so I leave the house only for doctors appointments and the like. I have no friends. It's a very miserable life. I've lost all hope. I posted a short, yet rambling bio as my first post. Hopefully, someone can relate to it and this post! Hugs to you all, Liz

lately i’ve been having pretty bad ocd days but today was definitely one of my worst days. i just feel like such an awful person and the ocd is really eating at me. i try really hard, or i feel like i do sometimes. i try to talk to my mom and she says she understands but she doesn’t- and i hate it. i can’t even get dressed in certain clothing or watch a show i like anymore without ocd interfering. my mind is all over the place and i feel so helpless. i just wish it’d stop.

I just took my 4th shower, maybe my 100h hand wash, I've done laundry twice, I had to clean my glasses a few times. I've basically spent all day on edge and getting tiggered, trying my best to ignore it just to get triggered by something else and spiraling. I haven't stopped moving for 12 hours and I'm not even done yet, my blanket is still in the dryer and I probably need to eat. I needed to clean my four "safe" cups but only managed doing one after not having anything to drink for three or four hours. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry and play animal crossing but my 2DS is dead and my charger is "dirty" and I just don't have it in me to clean anything else if I can help it. :(

I didn't even realize. I'm about to get my period and my anxiety is higher. I'm noticing how my friend hasn't written back to my texts or hasn't answered the last 3 times I called. I think he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I wrote a text and asked if I did something wrong and he didn't respond. My other friend annoyed me. And I think my other friend doesn't like me that much. I feel abandoned and forgotten and like I must be a bad friend or bad person or why would they all forget me like this. What did I do? Did I take my opinions too far? I've been picking at my skin, having a feeling of unrest. I just watch Netflix and lie on my couch to avoid it. I look okay, but I haven't worked in a year purposefully to find a new way, but I haven't found it yet. I'm doing so much, but it always feels like too little. I tell myself again and again that I'm doing enough, but there's always a voice that says no you're lazy, you're unhealthy and you're just making excuses. I hyperfixate on stupid solutions like blood tests, supplements, genetic testing to explain my symptoms my depression (or is it laziness) my anxiety, my lack of energy, my aches and pains. I quit all drugs and alcohol even caffeine. I track my sleep. I want to feel good. And believe it or not I was thinking I did feel good? Until the afternoon. I don't know. I really hope this is just some fucking b vitamin deficiency and I'll take some pills and be reborn as a human and not a trash pile. Look at me all perfect. With all my career, and my money, and friends who don't like me. Don't I look put together. I'm so imperfect and so scared of anyone finding out. I'm so scared to tell anyone how messed up I am on the inside. I rant to my therapist, my coaches, whoever but I'm just going around in circles. Without support I'd be fucking nuts. Thankfully I pay people to support me. Because no one would for free. Fuck my.life.

when did ocd start for everyone? i remember having some small like perfection things like if i didn’t close my eyes and fall asleep at a certain number then i would die. but at age 12 hocd started and i got groinal repsonsss,guilt,everything. it slowed down then in august picked up at full speed and its awful.

Does anyone have any tips for controlling perfection impulses while folding laundry? Whether it be my husband and I's laundry or my kids' laundry It literally take me 45 minutes just to fold one hamper of clothes because I will stand there and adjust or refold. Everything has to be folded a specific way the same way or I lose my mind if I don't refold it. Everything has to be sorted into category. I just can't stop myself because I know if I don't do it I'll obsess over it until I do something about it. I saw a tip that said to just hold my hand out so I can't see it or something but that doesn't work for me.

Hello , I’m diagnosed with OCD as well as ADD and anxiety and short term memory issues . It’s so much sometimes, I don’t even like going out in public because being around people gives me me anxiety, if I see something out of place wherever I go I have to fix it because it will bother me . I never pick the first thing g from the shelves at the grocery store I will literally reach for the third one from the back . Sometimes I feel crazy and no one understands me . Just want to feel like everyone else .

My OCD began to flare up in my adolescence. It mostly stemmed from a tendency for perfectionism. I’m now 60 years old. Eventually, my symptoms developed into ritualized touching, tapping, and movement. For example, I would have to perform certain activities, such as getting dressed, in symmetrical or specific ways and touching or moving objects, as well as handwriting and typing, in a particular way or a specific number of times until it felt just right. I began seeing psychiatrists 35 years ago and have taken antidepressants since then. I’ve also worked with a clinical psychologist who specializes in OCD and worked with me in doing ERP. My symptoms have flared up since the holidays. I’m wondering if anyone else is dealing with movement and touching compulsions. I look forward to your comments. Thank you!

So I really need to do some cleaning in my room and the mess is so overwhelming that I'm not sure where to start. Like there's trash and clothes all over the floor, there dishes all over my room. Plus my bed is covered in clothes that I can't tell if there clean or dirty. I've tried cleaning by category ( ex trash, laundry, dishes) and it only helps for a few minutes then I get distracted by another task. So does anyone have any advice on where to get started? At this point I'm open to anything.

ERP has been crazy helpful recently, and I'm making a lot of progress. But now that I've mostly dealt with my main theme, I feel like my OCD is trying to pick at every little thing day to day. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this?

This is my first time in ocd specific therapy, even though I’ve been struggling with it since I was a kid and I just feel like there’s no hope and I won’t be able to tolerate the distress of ERP. My OCD is so wide ranging and convoluted I can’t imagine being able to untangle it and actually make progress. It’s making me miserable and has me trapped in my thoughts but I don’t even know how to verbalize some parts of what I’m experiencing. I’m just checking, reviewing and over analyzing everything in my life constantly. My brain feels like it’s on fire and it takes me days to recover from OCD induced breakdowns. I don’t know if I have it in me to work through this :(

I cleaned for so long and showered for an hour. My hands are so pruney. I hate living like this. I’ve lost hope in myself. I cannot do it. I hate the fact that OCD is curable I hate it. I used to have a good plan for my future. Now I’m just nothing. Two years ago I thought that I would be better but I’m still the exact same. I was going to go to film school, I was going to move out, I had my own car, I graduated high school, was going to a behavioral program for this, and had so much opportunities lined up! But I’m still in the exact same place two years later.

My son has been diagnosed with OCD, but the therapist that we are seeing doesn’t specialize in OCD. They put him on medication that caused severe side effects. After we stopped the medication, they just seem to almost wash their hands of the situation. This is a center with therapists, psychiatrists, an inpatient unit, a detox, a built-in pharmacy, etc. Yet, they can’t help my child unles it’s through medication. I’m fine with meds if they improve quality of life, but they harmed my child when he tried their first line of defense med for OCD in children. The other meds are in the same class, and we just can’t risk what happened to happen again. Just a little while ago my son and his dad were playing a video game. I guess my son hit a wrong button by mistake. This sent him on a loop of having to reset the game a handful of times. He needed my husband to reset his end of the game too. My husband didn’t understand what was happening, and this led to more emotion and frustration from my son. At this point my husband is upset, so I come in to defuse the situation. I’ve learned that the calmer I am, the better. My husband is trying, but he gets overwhelmed with the behavior. This is our life on repeat. I am so afraid for my child. We need help. Does anyone have any advice in dealing with OCD in children. I just want my son comfortable and happy again. Thank you, Christine

Hi guys, So my wife got mad at me today. She said all we ever talk about is my anxiety, and do not usually get to have regular conversations. Does anyone else have this problem with their wife/husband/partner? Right now my heart rate does feel comfortable, and readings to what I can view aren’t to my liking. My OCD had me doing a step just the right way type of thing, I was expecting a call from one of my bosses, and other than this have no idea what caused the anxiety. I seriously just give up anymore. I don’t feel strong enough anymore to go through my anxiety, OCD PTSD, and depression.

hello! i just wanted to introduce myself. my name is amanda, i'm married, and have 4 cats. i'm unable to work, so my husband takes care of the bills while i take care of our house. it actually works very well for us as i have agoraphobia as well as severe generalized anxiety, social anxiety, panic disorder, and excoriation disorder(skin-picking). i haven't met anyone with my particular disorder (TOCD) so i was hoping to meet someone who could share their experience! some of my tics are making my body 'even' (if someone touches one of my shoulders, i have to touch the other one. blinking to make my face feel even. etc). some other tic-like behaviors i have are always stepping over cracks with my left foot first, as well as stepping onto a new surface with my left foot first. these are only a few of the many tics i deal with along with OCD symptoms. hope everyone is doing well today! take care!

Because i overthink the smallest things, in my relationship i end up believing a lot of my anxieties, jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. This has many times caused such big arguments between me and my bf, many of which turn out to just be that I did not understand him on something, or that I have these crazy expectations because I constantly want everything to be perfect. I read into the tiniest things so often, that my bf has often felt that basically any little thing he would do I would somehow find something wrong. It overwhelms him, and it overwhelms me as well. The scariest thing is that me just reading something on social media can trigger this. I hate seeing “couple advice” or “relationship” videos on social media, because it causes me to overanalyze my entire relationship and the whole thing of “if you look hard enough for a problem, you will find one, and my brain will practically make up a problem, and will turn something so insignificant into something that i just freak out over. I really do not want to be like this… im tired of constantly freaking out over nothing. I want to be happy, and that has become so rare for me that when i do notice myself smiling, it is something I celebrate over. I dont know what to do anymore.

I had my third session today, and my therapist and I are filling out my fear and response list. For some reason I'm having a hard time filling out compulsions and even some of the fear responses. It's like everything is so connected it's hard to separate it in my head. I've never tried to do this before. Also maybe I can explain the compulsions in a longer sentence but it's hard to use just one word. And most of my triggers cause a pretty high number of distress, but I need to find something with less anxiety to start the exposure therapy. Does anyone have advice on how to make this process easier, or just an example of how they filled this form out? Thanks.