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the NOCD Community

how to not develop the mindset that if you slip up and do a compulsion you are set back in your progress and all of your hard work is gone?

Hey there, just wondering if anyone has ways to overcome the challenges that ocd brings when reading a book. I constantly feel the need to reread to make sure I have not missed something and it gives me a great deal of anxiety. It has taken away from the enjoyment of reading. Thank you

I’m not sure if I have OCD, but recently I’ve been feeling uncomfortable/uneasy when things don’t go as planned or when someone breaks the rules or if things needed to be a certain way. It would be the littlest thing that goes differently then what I thought would happen it brings out a lot of anxiety and the feeling of being uncomfortable also I feel very overwhelmed/stimulated. I’ve also developed a constant thought of death and how we are all going to die one day feels like an obsession at this point and it keeps me up, drives me crazy. Is this ocd?

Is anyone else a small business owner/freelancer with OCD? It’s really hard I always have intrusive thoughts about what will bring me clients or what will make people run away. I struggle to make deadlines because I am way too stuck in a perfectionism loop that I procrastinate until I have almost no time to do the project. I love the work I do and I really want to enjoy the whole business side of it but having myself as my boss is horrible bc I’m so hard on myself and need everything to always be perfect before I can exhale which is never so I’m always holding my breath D: can anyone relate?

This is a big problem for me which makes me feel shame and alot of guilt, the feeling of denial is really misunderstood, sometimes i feel like they mean for certain ocd themes like harm or something when you feel like you did something bad and by ignoring you feel like youre in denial. Those times its normal that you ignore it. But i experience something different. Many times i tried to ignore ocd thought or emotions or even emotions or thoughts cause many times i couldnt decide if its ocd or normal problems, and this is why i experienced that im in denial, and this became stronger when i realized im still afraid of the content and it still comes back after time and i react the same way, they i use this fake positive reaction to it (i choose thatbits ocd, its not a real problem) which quickly makes me feel good, and then i get hit by the feeling that im avoiding im in denial. I watched a video about shame and denial, and the bad thing was i saw myself that im really in denial, that i avoid the problems, i react to the problem as its not a real problem, its ocd and i dont deal with it, its not real. But this limits me to see other problems. So realizing im actually in denial feels bad. And i dont know how to recover cause one people say do this, ignore every thought, dont listen to it, dont give any attention to it, and the other one says if you say this to every thought youre in denial. You do it as a cooping mechanism.. Just to give you an exemple, im christian so i will give that, i felt shame over doing something bad, and i was so afraid to admit it cause it comes with shame that i felt like i cant accept. I was so afraid cause shame said im a bad person, full of sin, im a shame for christianity, and because of this i didnt wanted to accept that what i did was bad and a sin cause then all of this is true. Then this made me feel like then i dont want to accept that i have flaws and im not perfect which is bad again, everyone has flaws, then i was worrying i dont want to accept that im not perfect cause i want to avoid shame, and this is where denial comes. Then what i heard that helps ocd is to ignore, i choosed to ignore it and be sarcastic with it, which made me feel more like im in denial. And after i watched the video I started spinning, cause it showed me im actually in denial to cope agains shame... so that would mean i have to accept that i did a bad thing and its okay, but that doesnt sound good to me and again i feel like im in denial, cause i should accept that what i did was bad but bc of shame i dont want to so im in denial. Im spinning so much and i dont know how to get over this denial thing. Expecially that the worries always come back and it makes me feel that i didnt worked with them as o should, i just avoided them i was in denial so thats why they come back...

So I’m in college. A FineArts major who’s a sophomore to be exact. And it’s fine, it’s as stressful as you’d expect it to be. But I had gotten this massive massive burnout. As no matter where I sit or sit I cannot for the life of me write or draw what I used to on my own. It feels like a chore. And even more than that, burnout. I’m scared I hate what I do, and I’ve abandoned my love for art. Which I know isn’t true because I still want to draw and create and write. But my mind just won’t let me think. What’s going on with me? Is this normal in college?

Another night of waking up at 5am with intrusive thoughts & fears. Fears of someone breaking into my house and harming me, fear of house fires and being unable to get my mom & cats out, being overwhelmed with “all the things I need to do” the next day. Obsessing to check the downstairs camera. It’s exhausting and causes me lack of sleep. And then I’m unable to sleep for hours after I wake up sometimes.. and my cat will wake me up in the morning. It’s driving me crazy. 😞😞😞😞 I also need all of my blankets perfectly aligned or I can’t sleep, make my bed every single day bc of it, cannot sleep with pants on or tight clothing. Etc. list goes on…

I really hate being forced to socialize with people, specifically family members who genuinely do nothing but gaslight you with their narcissistic behavior. My OCD comes with anxiety.. I never feel like I’m enough, I always have this need to prove I don’t need help because anytime I came across vulnerable, I was treated like I was a problem but I feel like I’m forced to baby feed my own MOTHER who refuses to get help with her OWN OCD. I just can’t rn. I don’t know if I’m venting or having ruminating thoughts about having to mask how I feel when I’m CONSTANTLY feeling like my feelings don’t matter to a person that thinks her feelings are the ONLY ones that are relevant. Someone please read this so I can get a better understanding of how to deal with being overstimulated by being FORCED to socialize in a FAKE environment.

Since im working in a christian band(as a backstage helper and now am also managing the social media platforms of that band) i noticed that since than i became really hard on myself on the things i can do and not. I have that "in that position i shouldnt do certain things, cause i have responsibility, i dont want to ruin the name of that band" and this gave me so much pressure. I want to work as a christian song writer, i would like to write non christian songs too, and this is where the problem begins. Now i have this "only God" mentality, that for us christians everything should be about God, some worldly song are bad cause its against God, love songs are bad cause its lust and this is just about songs, but ive fallen into this rabbit hole that everything that its not about God its against him. Im so afraid that in my position as christian i will show a bad picture and thats a big pressure. So i will share what happened. With my friends we have fun by writing worldly songs, like parodies, we making fun of what todays worldy music is about (not every just some rap, pop music), how the songs doesnt have any value, its about money, how much money i have, girls, evers girl wants us for the money, i have luxury cars, i live the best life, and from all of this suddenly it turns to my heart is cold, nobody loves me, im alone, and making fun of this sometimes helps me to see behind all this fake happiness that this lifestyle will give, that i have money i have girls im so cool, im the king but deep down im suffering... so it helps me realizing this, and again we dont do that as we value this or we live like that, its a parody we show eachother how stupid these style of music is and its sad that the world likes this, but again not all of them cause since then i met non christian people who thinks the same about those songs. So this also made me feel sinful that we write these songs and we shouldnt do this. Yesterday i wrote a lyrics that was a little bit different than the other ones, it wasnt about money and how cool i am, it was about love, breakup and i didnt wrote that from my heart cause i dont have those experience and i was focusing on making it like these non christian breakup songs, and it became actually good. Today just randomly i thought about i try to send it to someone cause it could be a good song, and also i would feel good if something i did wil become big. And here is the problem lies, i feel like this is egoistic and agaist God cause i did it cause i want this to be about me, that something i did becomes big and famous... I sended the lyrics to someone and i want expect it but imediatelly got a respons and they liked the lyrics and they will make a song with that, so do you think i was happy about it? Oh no... suddenly i got hit by shame and a big anxiety that what i did was not right as a christian. I made a non christian song thats against God cause its about love and breakup which in my mind is lust and I made that relevant... and a huge fear and guilt hitted me and since then im afraid i did something wrong, i just acted from my ego, for my good sake, it wasnt about God and im dissapointed about myself. I try to see it as this song isnt that bad its not about sin, sex and drugs, its just about breakup, but my mind says i just try to make it like sin i good... also the person i sended has sinful wordly songs too, but he has many romantic, more about love songs, but the thing that he has sinful music makes me feel so bad and dissapointed about myself. I contributed to sin... its bad cause here noone can help me, the first thing i got from my family was "then why you did it, you shouldve thought about that". And it made me fear more cause dont get the support i need. So i try to find the support here...

2 years ago I worked at a store for only 3 days. It was a family owned business that does a lot of events for wedding showers, baby showers, birthdays etc. I knew of this family from a private school I went to for one year in high school but did not know they owned this family business. I went to school with the daughter who was a couple of years older than me. She was the popular girl in school and is beautiful. Her dad and older sister owns the business and she also works there. The owner hired me because at that time, I was aspiring to become a florist and was making floral arrangements that she was interested in her business. When I had started the job, I was doing outside work. Not floral work that I thought I would be doing. I noticed that me, and two other women were doing all the outside work while everybody else was inside talking and laughing all together at the coffee bar. I thought to myself.. “we are doing the hard work while the family and friends get to have fun.” I got really defensive over it and called my mom. She told me I needed to tell the owner (the oldest daughter who hired me) how I felt…and so I did. But what I wanted to say came out all jumbled and didn’t really make any sense - I couldn’t get my point across because I became so overwhelmed in the moment. The owner started talking down to me.. like if I was a child and that how “everyone has different rolls and positions so some people work outside and some stay inside.” I knew this. But it was the fact that the three of us we were working so hard outside and I come in for one minute and see a group of women having a full on conversation and laughing at the coffee bar doing nothing to help the actual business. Now, I shouldn’t have assumed this, but I couldn’t help but think it wasn’t fair. I got really upset, picked up my floral arrangements that I had made for them and walked out abruptly. I couldn’t stop thinking over that day. I emailed the owner and said I was sorry for walking out. I got no answer. A few days after, I felt like I needed to return my t-shirts. I folded them neatly and walked in and the beautiful sister I went to school with was at the front desk. I told her I wanted to return these shirts and asked if she could please tell her older sister that I was sorry. I also noted that I had really bad anxiety. She gave me a very uninvited face and said “I will let her know”. I said thank you and walked out. I could feel her watching me leave and felt so bad about myself. 2 years go by and recently, like couple of months ago, I went BACK because all this time I had been thinking about that day. My OCD thinks I constantly need to apologize and that I’m always wrong for my actions. When I walked in, the popular girl I went to school with was there with one of the girls that I originally worked with outside. I asked if I could please talk to her sister. She said “My sister only comes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” … that day was a Thursday. So I just asked her if she could please tell her sister that I was sorry again. I constantly replay that day. I constantly compare myself to the girl I went to school with. I constantly feel like I did something wrong…. Maybe I shouldn’t have assumed they were doing nothing. Maybe I should apologize to the sister again. I can’t even make floral arrangements anymore because I feel that the flowers are associated and contaminated with the store and the people. I loved gardening and because part of the business was a garden or for people to buy plants, I feel like I can’t like flowers or gardening anymore. When I drive past the building I can’t help but think. I think about them all the time. About how much I messed up! I overreacted and maybe I deserved to be talked down to. I constantly compare myself to the girl i went to school with. I convince myself that I constantly need to apologize even tho it was 2 years ago. Even though I know there has been way worse that has happened to me or even to other people, this is the day I can’t get out of my head and I don’t know why. Sometimes, I even convince myself that I have the incident wrong.. like I forgot a big part of the situation and I’m way worse of person in the story than I think I am.. even though I already blame myself for it all. What if that job would have been an amazing opportunity if I just wouldn’t have said anything. Maybe they really were just having a short conversation and headed out when 5 minutes after. I do take medication but sometimes I feel so hopeless and immensely down about life because of this. So many of these unwanted thoughts about these people I really even barely know.. sometimes it’s hard to even think I’m actually living anymore. SO SO sorry this so long.

Hey everyone! Today is my birthday but I don’t feel like celebrating. I have come to terms that I am a terrible person and I don’t deserve my friends, my family, or the opportunities I’ve been given because I’m living a lie. I am a hypocrite and I feel like everything is closing in around me.

sometimes when I read all these posts I just start crying 😭😭 I hate that we are all suffering like this… ocd is not for the weak and its so frustrating 😭 Im really tired honestly… my ocd has its good and bad days but im just exhausted by all of it. I cant enjoy simple things because my ocd has to overcomplicate every little thing and create these “signs” as to what I am and what I am not. Ive had ocd for over a year now im a just upset 😭😭😭 I dont want to live like this forever… I have a lot of people who say, “you can talk to me if you want” and its really sweet 💓 but I dont think anyone can understand what I am feeling because even I cant… I dont know what im doing- how im feeling- who I am- or even what my values are 😭 ocd just makes me question everything. I am a 14 year old girl 😭😭😭 how am I supposed to know what to do? Ive talked mom about my ocd a few times and she tries to help but she doesn’t even understand 1/5th of what I go through daily. I appreciate her caring even if its a little but I just want some help 😭😭 I am a bit scared of therapy though. But im willing to try but im not sure if my mom will let me… Ocd just makes me feel so unlovable. I hate it.

My OCD is getting really exhausting, it makes me take double the amount of time in almost everything. I really don’t want it to be part of my life. I have had OCD for as long as I can remember, and mine goes through phases where some months it’s less things to do, but for the last few months it has been crazy. I have intrusive thoughts and bad anxiety, if I don’t stick to my routine or do things a certain number of times my brain involves it with something bad is going to happen, and if it doesn’t feel perfect to me I have to do it again. It is just getting so annoying at this point and I need to learn how to always stay at a low amount of OCD, because I know that it will never fully go away but I want to get it down as much as possible.

This is my first post on here and not sure if this is a form of ocd but thought I’d see if anyone else feels similar and knows how to cope or ignore these thoughts. I have constant thoughts to do with eating and exercising and constantly fear what it’s going to do to me or how it will effect me if I may be eating the wrong thing or made the wrong choice of food or if I haven’t done a certain amount of steps or burned enough calories (checking the app to see) Feel like the little voice in my head is just constantly there watching everything I do making sure it doesn’t effect me Trying not to make this too long but I’ve tried to explain most things briefly

I don't know what is more difficult, when you have strong anxiety and fear or when you don't feel anxiety. I met a girl and I've been talking to her for a month, we've gone out a couple of times and we've already kissed, I feel like things could go really well between us, I like her and she likes me, I've imagined living together, but I have a lot of anxiety and fear about it happening in bed. I feel that this is going to come soon and every time the opportunity arises, I spend the whole day with thoughts of failure and that I am going to fail and it is going to ruin everything. I have thought about stopping talking to him, telling him about the anxiety I have or something like that as an avoidance, with strong anxiety it is very likely that it will not work as I want, and I can clearly see that the fear is due to the thought of failure, because I have failed sexually in the past and I feel that my libido is low , I think because of all this anxiety. But I really don't want to stop seeing her or stop talking to her, I don't want her to leave, I don't want to miss another opportunity, I don't want to give up on women, I don't want to have this f**k anxiety, I didn't have it before, right now it's uncontrollable, I don't deserve this, nothing makes sense, I'm sad.

hi everyone, really need some advice if possible!! me and my boyfriend have been going through a rough patch. we’ve both realized that we really are complete opposites. he’s an extrovert, i’m an introvert, he has an avoidant attachment style and i have the anxious attachment style. scary, right!! anyways we’ve both been talking through how we’re going to work through it these past two weeks because we both genuinely feel we can make this work. i’ve been in therapy and he’s going to start therapy and we’ve honestly just made progress. and i was FINALLY feeling a relief of anxiety through this and he told me yesterday how he’s scared i won’t be able to adjust or enjoy his extroverted activities. i reassured him im willing to try but just him having anxiety and small doubts gives me the worst anxiety!! i feel confident we will make this work and find middle grounds to everything like we have before but i don’t really do too much of his interest and he’s scared i won’t like them or he’ll find difficulty being okay with my adjustments right away. he said he’s also confident in us but he also has anxiety about this whole thing. we’ve been dating for two years now and i really want this relationship to work but my rocd keeps telling me to leave now and not try out this new lifestyle. that this is too scary to even go through. that he’ll leave me because i’m not “perfect” or “enough” for him even though he’s reassured me. i keep wanting to budge and keep asking for reassurance even though i’ve asked a bjillion times. any advice on how to get through this scary times? we’re both scared of change and we both know we’re capable of it but i’m scared this won’t work out so my ocd is telling me to leave now so i can be stress free. to leave now because it’s never going to work ever and why try but i don’t want that. i don’t want my thoughts to control actions that i don’t even know are true since i haven’t even tried this new change in our relationship

Does anyone else suffer from the lack of motivation to do anything but obsess, that they lack the initiative or desire to take care of themselves. Such as proper bathing, etc. I always thought OCD was cleanliness and order, but my life is chaos, anxiety and misunderstandings and conflict in my home life. They think I initiate the conflict, but I only react to how I'm being treated to due to my OCD/anxiety, but they treat me as if nothing is wrong with me and are not supportive at all. Every day is a repeat of the day before. A never ending downward spiral. I'm convinced at times, I've seriously somehow unleashed demons that are oppressing my life and my especially my mind, and it scares me to death. I feel like I'm spiraling towards an abyss and once I plummet into it, I will be lost to true insanity. I used to take such pride in taking care of myself and things. I was constantly tidying, arranging, straightening things out of order. Now it's like, I'm exhausted from being in fight or flight, but I still suffer from the crippling anxiety attacks. Highly agoraphobia, so I leave the house only for doctors appointments and the like. I have no friends. It's a very miserable life. I've lost all hope. I posted a short, yet rambling bio as my first post. Hopefully, someone can relate to it and this post! Hugs to you all, Liz

I ruminate or spiral about my current job and career. Should I stay in my job? Should I leave? Do I even deserve this job? Is this job helping me grow? I constantly think about past job failings or times I felt I was treated unfairly or not respected. I always constantly question if I want to stay in this career at all. What I should study next? Will it even be worth it? Etc... Does this sound like OCD? I end up studying something new but then spiraling and rumination prevent me from putting all my eggs in one basket to follow through. The entire time I was in college...I cried everyday and questioned my career. Before I entered college I spent over 2 years obsessing over what career to choose. What is this???

I feel like my ocd has manifested in picking my skin. For the last few years of my skin doesn’t feel smooth, i pick it. This has led to infections and scars that are embarrassing. What are some things i can do?

4 years ago I had hocd with a girl classmate, I was scared of being gay and like her, not so long ago my ocd came back, that thought came back and then changed to another girl, now AGAIN came back, because he changed her style and now have glasses, I can accept she looks pretty, but it started when I was scared of my boyfriend falling in love with her, now I think about her constantly like, having the need to be better than her, I hate this I don't have life, it started today because I dreamed about her chasing my bf.. I want my bf to see that I am in fact prettier and better than her but then, my hocd just comes and tells me it's me who is in love and in denial.. I hate this, I love my boyfriend, I'm not gay and I don't like her.. help does someone knows what's happening???!!?