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I’m not sure how to stop picking at my skin. It makes me sad to always see scabs all over my face, it ruins all my pictures. Any tips?

It's gonna be my birthday tomorrow. My friends will have a sleepover round my house and I'm excited. At the same time, I feel that it's also triggering my fears. For these past few years, I had a fear of not enjoying the moment (ESPECIALLY in hangouts, vacations, big events etc), so I would constantly do emotional checking, perfect my thoughts or ruminate about it. I'm getting better at managing it, but I've also been having intrusive thoughts of me not valuing my friends enough. What if I spend too much time fixating on the person I'm attached to? And then my birthday will be ruined etc But the thing that's been bothering me the most is that can't control my strong attachment one of my friends (lets call them Mango). Why am I attached, you ask? We've planned to live together in the future. Because of my low self-esteem issues, I was attached because they also have a massive crush on me. Lets bear in mind that I'm also crave romance. For ages, I've had intrusive thoughts that secretly I'm a selfish, manipulative person. Many people say I'm so loving and nice, but I used to have so much doubts. So for example, I was scared that I manipulated them to like me because im self-aware of my attachment issues. I'd be scared to talk to Mango because I feared that I'd lead them on, then my mind pictures them killing themselves because what if I traumatise them 20 years from now because i've had "secret selfish motives". I'd analyse my thoughts constantly. Would I use them? Am I a good person? Am i having the right motives? Do I actually want to live with them or am I lying to myself? Do I genuinely love them (as a friend) or do I secretly dislike them? Have I been lying this whole time? Are they the one? If I'm feeling this anxious, then surely this isn't right. I'm making the wrong decisions arent i? What do I do? What's true and what's not? I keep ruminating. I also feel compulsed to make sure I text and interact with them right, with correct feelings and thoughts or else our relationship will "hit rock bottom". If they don't reply fast enough, or in the right way, it triggers me too. Whenever they say something sweet and genuine, my initial feelings was comfort and being flustered (in a good way). But then I recall those words, trying to analyse if I still feel the same like how I did initially. As time nears my birthday, the intrusive thoughts of them are making me increasingly anxious. I know I have to accept uncertainty. I just hate this feeling. I never feel certain enough. I'm scared to text them. I'm scared of what each feeling ir thought I have could possibly mean. Maybe they dont mean anything. I just hate how my brain keeps picturing me and Mango's friendship ending horribly in the end because of me. Sure, it's all probably made up in my head. Maybe my fears have no link to reality, but I just wish this would stop. I wish I could get help too. I dont know if I actually have OCD, but the things I've experienced really resonated with what others have experienced. What I've typed here are just some of the examples. Say, if i do have ROCD, this would make sense. Being bi with possible SOOCD isnt helping either. Constantly trying to analyse whether my identity is true is exhausting too. All of this is exhausting. I'm so stressed.

I find it really hard to make decisions-especially big life decisions. People ask "what does your intuition say", but I feel like I can't access my intuition- I feel doubtful/question all thoughts+decisions. Are there any resouces anyone could recommend?

All i ever do is lose. Just lose at fucking everything in life even though I beg to god that I can win at least one fucking thing. To be good at one fucking thing. To be excellent at one fucking thing. And I cant even do that. I cant even win at my video games. The smallest win I cant even get. Im in fucking hell. A hell where Im alone and theres no one to comfort me because they think im feeling sorry for myself. I hate my existence and my life so fucking bad. What am I sorry about my life for if all I want to is make the suffering stop? I constantly play, try to improve, but theres nothing I can do that makes me stand out. Nothing I can do that makes me worthy of anything. I hate this world, i hate god for hating me, and I hate myself. Hate myself for not being good enough for any goddamn thing. Im sick. Im fucking sick. Im sick of this. Im sick of me. Im sick of not being good enough at any fucking thing despite my efforts. Nothing I do matters. Nothing about me is special. Im so goddamn tired of it all... im damned to hell... or maybe im there... i dont fucking know.

Recently i’ve been having a very tough time. I keep getting a physical sensation that i have eyebrow hairs sticking out which causes me to obsessively feel my eyebrows with my hands and to pick out hairs with my hands. I really want to see them in the mirror, but looking in the mirror causes so many compulsions, where i have to do things such as see my eyebrow a certain way, blink at it a certain way, cut/tweeze them very precisely. I don’t know what to do cause when i feel them with my hands i keep feeling small hairs sticking out but i’m not sure if it’s actually like that because idk whether i should look in the mirror or not. Yesterday i pulled out some hairs with my hands and im concerned it also looks as if there’s not much hair in that area, but without seeing it in the mirror, i wouldn’t know. Should i just look at them in the mirror and make the necessary changes even though it could cause more compulsions? Because if i don’t, i go on thinking about them and feeling them with my hands all the time and then if i feel something wrong, it triggers me even more. pls, if anyone has advice, bc i’ve been struggling with this theme of ocd for a long time.

cheating event, should I confess? Months ago I was constantly worrying about cheating on my partner. We were in a long distance relationship, and I was a different school. I avoided many things such as making friends, speaking or even looking at attractive people. I told myself I would only keep the friends I already had, since I knew I had no feelings for them at all. I constantly alert, making sure I did not mess up. I reminded myself daily of the consequences of cheating. Hurting my partner, loosing my friends, breaking up, etc. During those months, I had many events where I convinced myself I had cheated. I would confess online and luckily everyone told me that I had nothing to worry about. I was doing alright for a couple of days. One day, about a month ago, however, I did something that I have not been able to get off my mind and it gets triggered when I see something about cheating on social media. I was responding to my best friend on instagram (she's also my girlfriend's best friend). I was responding to her reels. I had finished going through all of them. I suddenly thought about her being attractive, of how I wanted her. I sent another message, but it was associated with the reel. It wasn't suggestive, but I was trying to be flirty, to make a move on her. I sent it and exited the app. I was thinking of the picture where I thought she seemed pretty. I was going to go see it, but I stopped myself. I thought of how disrespectful it would be to my partner. But as soon as I stopped myself, I realized what I had just done, The message I had just sent. I panicked and tried to unsend it, but I didn't. It wouldn't undue what I did, I knew I did something wrong. When I tried to think back and remember why I did that or what I had thought, I couldn't. I wasn't sure I was remembering properly or I simply didn't want to because I was scared of the answer. I've always been cautious. Earlier that day I had an intrusive thought about cheating with this friend and I argued heavily against it with myself. I was also going to respond to people on this sub-reddit, but as soon as I started typing, I felt a weird sense of attraction and flirtatiousness and I didn't send a reply. I don't comprehend why I didn't recognize this and stop myself from sending that extra message to my friend. As for this friend, I love her, but not in that way. I've always felt jealous when she hung out with my girlfriend. I wished that were me instead. When I called my girlfriend and my friend was there, I wished she would fall asleep so I could have time alone with my partner. I am now back home, and I constantly find myself hoping my friend is busy so I can spend time with my girlfriend alone. This makes me feel guilty because I know I should spend time with my friend too. I have confessed to a therapist and they told me to not confess. But I just saw a TikTok saying that texting someone with flirtatious intent is cheating and how it is a dealbreaker and it triggered me. I feel like I should confess. This event keeps being in the back of my mind. But if I were to confess I feel like I would just sound stupid, because I don't remember the details and maybe they wouldn't believe me. But at the same time, I did something wrong and I technically cheated and I feel like a liar.

hey guys. I’m on my break at work right now. long post. so basically what happened was that I ordered my food. a muffin sandwich I requested comes with egg whites but I received regular eggs. I was thinking to myself “maybe the egg white grill muffin doesn’t come with eggs whites” even though it’s in the name. so I got up and & looked at the menu. it comes with egg whites. I hesitated whether or not to mention this simple (and really not a big deal) mistake to the leader in charge. earlier today the leader was disciplining the kitchen for something that was going on with the food. I wasn’t too sure what it was about but just know that they were being disciplined. fast forward to now, I didn’t know if I should add more weight to the kitchen by telling the leader about the error on my order. I thought about how it could happen to an actual customer & ofc we don’t wanna deal with that bc the restaurant I work for is known to be the best fast service chain in my country. and ofc the company strives to be the best. so I was becoming anxious and eventually told her. she then asked for the muffin (which I was already eating & said it’s no big deal, to just tell them to keep a better eye on the food to prevent future mistakes) and took it inside the kitchen. I knew for a fact she was disciplining them again. I then started to get anxious again bc I didn’t wanna get the kitchen scolded for a simple mistake. I know that we have high standards because of our reputation but sometimes mistakes happen. I stood by the front counter playing with my hands to soothe the anxiousness. the leader came back out & I don’t know exactly what happened in the kitchen but I heard her say “so rude” & then handed me my muffin. I’m guessing a kitchen employee had a negative reaction or something and now I feel like it’s my fault. I feel like I’m causing a bad relationship between my coworkers. I don’t want people to argue. I didn’t mean to cause a bad environment in that moment. I feel like the kitchen probably hates me & is asking like “why can’t she just eat the egg? she has the same type of egg in her burrito.” ofc they didn’t say anything but this is what my mind is telling me. I had no problem eating the muffin with the wrong egg but just wanted to point it out. they remade my muffin (which I told the leader not to) and so now I have it next to me. not sure what to do with it. I might give it someone else because I’m already full. I know this specific leader in charge for today is known for being ‘strict’ I guess. I know her job (as any other leader) is to make sure things are going the way they should. other leaders seem to be a bit more laid back than her. some coworkers know that she’s the “one on your ass” if you make a mistake. this mostly goes for the kitchen. none of them said what I quoted ofc. I’m just putting an example that she seems very vigilant of things. and that’s just what leadership does, especially her position. maybe she might have OCD & dealing with a perfectionism theme. I don’t know. maybe not and she’s just making sure things run smoothly. same with the kitchen; maybe someone is having a bad day and made a simple mistake while thinking about something else. I don’t like to assume things right away. yes, sometimes it happens with me but I try to remember that I don’t know what a person is going through. this post pretty much took up my break lol. anyway, that’s what I wanted to say. thanks for reading if you did. in conclusion, I feel like the bad person here for pointing out a mistake. or that I’m the “snitch” or some shit. idk what to think ughhhh

I wanna treat myself better, but when these thoughts happen I can’t help but to call myself a disgusting monster and keep reacting to it all. And if I were to be nicer to myself, at what point would it become me making up excuses thinking it’s ok to be that person? There’s no winning, even when trying to do better. How can I tell myself it’s not these things aren’t my fault when it likely just is?

I’m new here and I’m not sure what to ask, but I feel like I need to ask something. The first thing that come up is a recent experience I had with waking up in the middle of the night just thinking my life isn’t real, like not that nothing matters, but like actually not real. It was terrifying. Other times I’ll wake up in the middle of the night just spiraling thinking that I’m just a terrible person and I’m ruining my children’s lives and my husband would be able to manage things better if I was not here. Anyways, I was wondering if there was anyone else that has experienced things like this. And how you deal with these things. I’m not sure that I even have OCD but it is something that I keep thinking about. I don’t want to assume though so I’m just trying to reach out for some community and outside thoughts. Thanks.

Newly diagnosed with OCD but have struggled with depression, anxiety, ptsd, and night terrors for about 20 years now. Never knew it was OCD! Anyhow, I struggle with existential OCD and perfectionism OCD which has always caused me to dislike “regular” talk therapy because it never worked, there was no point, and I was worried I wasn’t doing it right. Well I’ve started ERP with my therapist, and now every day that I have therapy, I anxiously spiral about how it’s going to be bad, and I’m not going to get better anyway because I’m not doing it right, and what’s the point in getting better anyway. Sorry for the run on sentences. Does anyone have advice for getting motivated for therapy sessions and not fearing them? TL;DR: Does anyone have advice of how to stay motivated for ERP therapy with doubts of failing/anxiety/existential thoughts?

I have a weird problem with ocd. I don’t know what kind of ocd it is so I have come to this app to see if someone could help me out. For example, I would imagine two lines and I would have to tap on my legs to raise them higher but they would never be even which would give me this uncomfortable tense feeling like a bunch of energy is trapped or something. It’s the same feeling I get if I for instance tap on something and I physically can make it even. Please help me out and tell me what this is. I have been struggling with this sense I was 7 and I still haven’t been able to figure out what is going on with my mind.

I have a very shameful consequence of my OCD, and my compulsory avoidance. It's been impossible to open my mail and to pay bills during my adult life. Coming from a recoursful background one of my deepest trauma is how my at that time undiagnosed disabilities prevented me from functioning in studies and jobs. So I recieved welfare and felt extremely shameful about it and desperate to get out of it. So I started my own business and despite my absurd struggle (more and more expert of hiding, no idea it was OCD, I always referred to it as my phobia in my mind, the more hidden the worse it became- unnoticed that it was worsening by me) I managed to succeed with my business (!?) My OCD can be described as living with an invisible 10headed Boa Constrictor around my body, squizing so much that I chronicly grasp for air and think.I will die when the giant snake 🐍 talks in my ears and brain constantly telling me from different heads how useless, ugly, terrible, horrible and repulsive I am and multiple all obstacles if I dare to think forward, take initiative and try to liberate my self from its grip. So I learned to live with my business and "outside-me" and the invisible nightmare I paralell was facing. My goal was to achieve a healthy self sustainable life. When this actually became realized and my success grow the constrictor tighten its grip more and more til I in the end was complicated paralyzed and withdraw all tasks from my accounter and everybody else due to the shame of the scenarios that still did not happen- but if I moved an inch they would happen. I could not send enquiries, open bills, emails, deliver, order, call or respond, the money to pay my responsibilities was there, but instead of dealing with my reality, I was dealing with a coming scenario produced in my mind and all my money went to pay for totally irrational prevention of an imagined scenario. Writing this makes me very unhappy. I lost everything. My first very hard earned 1.4 million the only positive thing I can see with that which in the end is about to give me a new and true life - so it's good- my OCD was discovered and diagnosed after 28 years with horrible intrusive thoughts. And I am back on welfare. It breaks my heart. My life is not sustainable on these money, my success was to short-lived to be reflected so I am now diagnosed and this gives me hope, but without money to pay my treatment. I feel so embarrassed, so embarrassed and to post this makes me very worried, but I just hang up the phone with a relative- I had to call and ask for a loan of money to cover my own everyday expenses, and it throws me back to the traumas I tried with all my strenght to escape in the first place. It feels like my entire life project has completely failed and that there is no way out of this financial nightmare. And to ask friends and family members for financial help makes me loose all my powers, and hope- I still can't belive this has happened- even though I realize that the OCD mislead me all these years, so it's also very difficult to see the pictures others have of me- as successful (?@#%*??) . The reality now is that I am on the absolute rock bottom, 30 years of my adulthood is lived, and I am suppose to start from scratch. Thank you if you read all this. I really don't want to complain and feel sorry for myself- but its so tough to believe that I can get out of this trap where my OCD keeps me in my phobias and the phobias/compulsions prevent me from money which blocks treatment which blocks income which then reinforce the obsessions. This app and all the material available online is my lifeline- even though I am feeling so extremely desperate I also can feel the resistance inside when I write honestly like this. Ok, no matter what, I am going to win, I am going to beat this monster and achieve a good life. A future with a manageable OCD will be a new life that can bring out who I truly am for the first time since my onset of what I now know is OCD at 21 years old. I love you all here who are sharing and helping others with sharing your stories. I hope one day I can share mine and be open and I know I must be greatful that I have someone to call to even though it's tough. Love to all OCD survivers❤️

Hey, I am a gymnast and I'm pretty sure that I've had OCD since my childhood. It all started with small things like keeping my water bottle in a certain spot with me or keeping my shoes nice, aligned, and straight but nothing too serious or concerning to my parents. Now, I have all of these ongoing thoughts, especially as a level 9 gymnast. These thoughts are like "I'm going to miss my hands off the beam or injure myself," and other thoughts just like that. I have also started to have some more self-conscious thoughts about my image or having bad luck and a bad future. Now don't get me wrong I love gymnastics with all my heart but sometimes it's just hard especially since it is already a sport that puts a lot of stress both mentally and physically. I have just recently started therapy at NOCD. It is especially hard as a girl just starting to go through the stages of growing up as I am just about to turn 14. But anyway thanks for making me feel pretty welcome NOCD.

Last year my dad got Covid and I went to the movies a day after. I did not even test to see if I had it. Not maliciously for some reason it just didn’t cross my mind to take one. I wore a mask at the movies and only went because I thought it was low risk. I got sick a few days after. I could be the reason people are dead. I’m the same as drunk drivers who harm others due to being mindless. I deserve to be in jail. I deserve to never be happy again. I deserve to lose everything. And anyone who disagrees is just being illogical. I’m the only one who sees this logically it seems because people tell me I deserve to forgive myself when I don’t.

I feel like cancel culture is the enemy of OCD. It goes against everything so many of us have difficulty accepting- forgiveness, self-improvement, and feeling like a morally good person. Does anybody else get severely triggered by people being “cancelled” over small things and thinking: “That could be me someday”

I have had OCD all of my life. It affects absolutely everything I do. Those of you that have it know exactly what I mean. I'm a 50 year old male and I have been on meds for 30 plus years. Most days I'm fine, except for a bit of compulsive checking. Lately, I have been absolutely overwhelmed with my job, which I absolutely hate. I have been at it for over 14 years. I'm at the point of a nervous breakdown and feel so terrible and ashamed for my poor wife having to deal with my emotions. I feel like a failure of a man and husband, though she's always by my side. I'm currently looking for new work but my OCD just accentuates everything. Lately, whenever I'm about to clock on for the day I nearly have a panic attack. And over what? A stupid job that would replace me in a heartbeat?? They have already led on that I'm not too far from that. OCD just makes everything soo damn big. Instead of realizing it's just time to move on and just take the necessary steps to do so, I Instead overthink and panic. This is my current struggle. Just wanted to share. Soo damn tired that all I think about is retirement. I'm just wishing my life away to the age when I'll seemingly be more at peace. Thanks for reading.

Hi everyone, it’s hard for me to share this but I wanted to give it a shot. OCD onset got really bad when I turned 19 and it’s been a huge struggle ever since. Even being able to accept help from NOCD was hard at first, I wasn’t brought up in a family that ever took OCD or other mental disorders as valid reasons to struggle. I’m turning 21 next week. These past few years have so much emotional baggage from OCD and trauma exacerbated by OCD. Sometimes I feel like it’s really hard for me to even assess the severity of my triggers and obsessions because I’ve become so used to being under constant distress. I can’t help but to feel at times that getting this disorder under control seems close to impossible. I’ve basically dropped out of college after trying to keep my head above water (and failing) for my freshman and sophomore year. I’m unable to study or even keep a normal job right now. I believe that now more than ever the world is in need of community building and organizing and I feel so much guilt for not being able to participate in that either. I feel like everything I want to be doing with my life right now, especially socially, feels so out of reach because of this illness. It makes it even harder to feel joy about life in this position, which can’t be good for my depression. I hope that soon I’ll be able to track my progress on here. I know growth isn’t linear and everything comes with time…but damn. This shit is hard.

I have done lots of “bad/problematic/immoral” stuff in my past. My ocd latches onto this so badly :( I have a large social media platform and usually get 20k-100k views quite often. The stuff I did in the past was probably “cancel-worthy” stuff. I have the constant urge + scenarios in my head to make a video “confessing” that I’m a bad person and I deserve to be cancelled although I realised the stuff I did in the past was bad and I don’t do them anymore. The things could range from months ago to stuff when I was a child. Seeing famous people get cancelled is triggering for me and if I see someone being cancelled for something I’ve done in my past I get so scared and anxious and start searching and ruminating. I have a constant feeling of guilt that I’ll never be perfect or be able to call myself a “good person” My ocd also focuses on my partner. He used to say Offensive jokes and more but I made him aware and he realised and stopped. He still makes occasional jokes nowhere near as bad as he used to but when he makes a joke my brain is suddenly like “oh no what if people think that joke is problematic” and because I saw like one person on TikTok be offended by something similar, I feel the need to immediately tell my boyfriend that he shouldn’t say the joke and it makes him frustrated because it’s almost every day my ocd is nitpicking for anything slightly “bad”. He means no harm with the jokes and doesn’t make the same ones he used to as he matured more and realised they were weird but my ocd wants him to be an absolutely perfect person with perfect morals whatever and he isnt allowed to do anything even slightly bad or he’s an awful person. And same for me, I need to be perfect. Anyone else relate? And does this sound like moral scrupulosity ocd?

Hi! I love this app, I’ve found ways to really help myself be better! But I also know studying and all this is slowly becoming a compulsion? Anyway, I’m thinking maybe I just want to know more? I’m not diagnosed don’t get me wrong, but I can’t help but relate SO MUCH. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone can recommend YouTube channels? And maybe more social groups? I’m 27 so id like to be in a social group with ppl my age range please!

I hate myself. It's on a constant loop. I hate everything about myself. I can't stand my face sometimes or how people perceive my body. I hate my personality. I hate my flaws and I just feel like a bad person. I don't know how else to put it. I'm 5 months clean from S/H but I think about it constantly. Sometimes it's just for no reason it's just because I need to release something and I have no other way but I know I can't do it. I wish I didn't affect people the way I do. I wish I did more. I wish I helped more and people liked me more. I wish I wasn't the weird kid that doesn't even fit in with the "different" kids. I know it's ungrateful. I know I am. I am so thankful for everything in my life but I wish I wasnt myself sometimes. People die everyday and I'm unthankful for my life. Everyday I can't do anything without thinking about how much I just hate myself. I hate my inner voice. I don't know if this is disrespectful but sometimes I wonder why God would give my life to me instead of someone who would actually deserve it. Someone who wouldn't think everyday they're just a disgusting horrible human being and can actually enjoy things. everything I do I look back and hate myself for it and thanks exhausting. Maybe I deserve that. But I know there's someone right now suffering or dead that would take my life over theirs and day. And I feel so guilty about that. It's me. I'm the problem. I try to fix it but anytime I mess up I feel like I go back 20 steps. It feels like a loop.