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Real events OCD combined with hocd and pocd and harm ocd is making me feel so horrible... Ive made horrible mistakes as a child that I deeply regret (9-13) and now Im 22 about to turn 23... I feel like I dont deserve forgiveness cause of my childhood mistakes...

why do i feel like i am a p? everytime i am around my friends i get this sense of dread and that im a fraud and im fooling the people around me. ive always felt like i didn’t fit in and now im scared its bc i am a p. these intrusive thoughts and groinal responses feel so real. im scared and sad and I wanna cry. I’m on a trip and I just feel like sht and I can’t even focus on the conversation with my friends.

So a few weeks back I shared that I was called in to speak with counselors at my school about a film project that I'm in the process of making. I decided to make it about raising awarness on ocd focusing on the more taboo parts since nobody likes to talk about them. I covered sexual and violent intrusive thoughts plus groinal responses, urges, and intrusive thoughts that can sound demanding like "i am this bad thing" or "i will do that bad thing". They said that they believed me and the information on my script and that they were just making sure that I was ok and doing alr with my disorder. They asked if they could speak with my therapist and I said yes because I wanted them to learn more with her. I gave them her info and then a few days later I got called in again to speak with counselors again, plus the principal AND vice principal, AND the school cop bc according to the counselors my therapist said that I had pocd and since I have an internship through the school where I leave campus to go work with kids it would be "too triggering" to be around them for so much time. I felt horribly betrayed by my therapist and in our following therapy session I spoke to her about how upset I was that she did that bc the school DID end up removing me from my internship but then she showed me PROOF that it was never her original idea but the counselors' idea bc my script brought up a demanding intrusive thought on pocd. I NEVER spoke in the first person in my script and never shared my own personal experiences but since I raised awarness on all of these taboo themes and even in ways where they sounded demanding the counselors simply ACCUSED me of having pocd without any evidence and accused me of being a pedophile. I've been told by many people that what they did is discrimination and that I should take legal action and sue which I'm in the process of trying to get a lawyer consultation but I'm in my senior year and I'm just dealing with so many things already. I fear being counter sued and the crazy possibility that I might get arrested w no evidence. I also fear graduation being at risk and my part time employment AT THE SAME PLACE THAT I HAD THAT INTERNSHIP AT being at risk. I also wanna study to become a teacher and actually DO have pocd so this whole situation has been really triggering to me and I've experienced a lot of setbacks due to the discrimination I faced from school admin. I turned 18 days before being discriminated against so I don't have to have my parents involved in the case (who I haven't fully opened up to abt my pocd), but I'm just glad it probably means they won't fully find out abt this situation. Any advice, tips, lawyers in south florida?

I am going to talk about medications. Please do not read if you feel triggered. Hi, first of all I'll talk about my OCD. I think I have pure OCD and other types of OCD that I can't categoryzing. I always feel anxious about forbiden sexual things (behaviors, thoughts etc.), betraying friend of valentine, having doubts about myself such as "am I a pedo? Did I feel discomfort when I felt gronial responses?" etc. Because of my OCD I am having trouble in my life especially socially. I broke up with my boyfriends, I had lots of arguments with my friends, once I even talk about my obsessions with my brother (he is kind to me but I felt weird). Also my educatinal performance, my daily life, my health, diet is getting worse. Because I can't find the energy that I need. I start my therapy journey 3 months ago. I tried to have therapy before but I dropped out. But now I have really trouble with my OCD. I use Selectra (100 mg) medication. It is an SSRI. I don't think it is enough for me. Tomorrow I have an appoinment. I am going to talk about this. I need to talk about medicines actually. I know it might be dangerous. But at least I need to learn what are medicines that actually help to OCD. What are you using and how it feels?

Yesterday I tried to commit suicide because I started remembering things from my childhood that I did to another child and ask I kept thinking I remembered other instances of doing other things to them and I am really disgusted with myself and I don’t deserve to live. I’m scared to tell any even my therapist because of what she might think of me. I’ve also have intrusive thoughts about children, I know that I don’t find them attractive but my brain tells me that I do and I get all of these weird thoughts in my head all at once and I don’t know what to do, I don’t know if I actually did this to them or if I’m making it up because of my trauma and anxiety. I tried asking them if they remembered me doing anything uncomfortable when we were children and they said no and were getting annoyed and dismissive.

Hi there my fellow OCDers, This question has been on my mind for some time. I read a good few posts on this forum and often wonder why quite s few of us haven't tried therapy specifically using ERP yet . I know there must be many reasons, financial, too many commitments, previous bad experience with therapy, etc. I may be wrong and would love to hear other views on this, but in my case and I suspect quite a few others.....the reason was fear, that the therapy would prove my fears to be true. In our minds we debate what we fear in the hope of proving those fears to be untrue.....which as we all know, never works. But the anxiety of starting therapy, for me at least, was that the therapy would somehow prove my fears to be true. So staying away from therapy, at least keeps us hoping we're somehow safe , even if we're totally unhappy. The truth is, therapy doesn't do this.... that's not it's role......it won't prove we are bad or evil people, it's purpose is to help us out of the dead end that OCD has brought us to, and to help us find peace in our minds and some happiness in our lives again. So I would say to anyone out there, who believes they are guilty of something they really fear...... therapy won't expose you as a bad person....it will truly help you, once you commit to it..... Again would love to hear other views on this, love to you all 🙂

I’m tired. I’m absolutely tired. i cry and cry. i don’t know who to turn to. my ocd/pocd is physically weakening me. Also I’m someone who likes to interpret dreams. so I dreamt of me swimming and when I searched the meaning, some said I’d go to jail. & this sent me spiraling. please help. i really really wanna do therapy but mom says I’m not at that stage where I need therapy yet.

so i haven’t been dealing with false memories or real event odc for a whole now but i literally just woke up from a terrible triggering nightmare at first i was ok and relieved when i woke up but now doubt is setting in and the part is in the dream i think the person is made up. but i have doubts i think i got this dream because i was thinking about kissing my partner right before i fell asleep and yesterday i was looking for a video of my little cousin and i had an intrusive “what if” but i was able to brush it off. so it may be that all i know is that i keep getting flashbacks and i hate it it’s disgusting and i hope its not true. and i don’t think i could accept it if that is the truth its just so wrong

What do you guys do to distract yourselves from having intrusive thoughts and images? help please.

Hello again, I need help because I feel like I made a terrible mistake when I was child. I saw my brother topless through a reflection of computer screen and I remember like I was looking knowingly. Now I feel like I need to talk about it with him to do my compulsion but I am experiencing obsessions about my family for the first time and I can't talk about this mistake because it is harmful for my family and I love them. Do you also experiencing something like this? Do you feel exteremely guilty about something you did in the past and can not stop thinking about it? I don't know am I a bad person because I am hiding this mistake from him? But also I can't talk about it. How can I get over this situation?

(18+ only) How do you cope with that feeling of not being deserving of good things? This event is from when I was 18-19 (I don't remember the exact age, I think 18). I was scrolling on tumblr reading NSFW anime comics and looking back one of them had underage characters. I dont know how I didn't realize because it was super obvious, they didn't even look like adults or teens but I didn't think twice about it because I wasn't seeking out underage stuff and it had lots of likes so I just read it and kept going not thinking twice about it. I mustve thought it was the art style or something, I have no clue how I didn't realize or register what i was readinf. I also think I have a false memory of saving a repost of it to my drafts. I'm pretty sure I only read it once and then scrolled on, but my OCD is telling me I saved it. I keep looking back feeling like I did something incredibly unforgivable. I dont know the legality of it either and I feel like a secret criminal. I don't know if my OCD is blowing this out of proportion but I don't feel like it is. Even if it was years ago, I still feel like I dont deserve good things, I feel like I can't be in relationships because they don't know the 'real' me. I feel like people lie when they say I deserve kindness. I'm nervous to tell my therapist too, I don't want to be judged. Idk.

Anyone else having sleeping problems with their ocd? Today had to be the worst… last night I honestly was having an ocd episode about me having a fear of doing something horribly wrong. I honestly don’t even know wtf is going on. I have groinal response, and my brain feels Like it’s gonna explode. I have been struggling with this for like a year and I know I have Pocd. I get fears every time I see my little sister, or just any little girl. Yesterday I locked myself in my room. And right as I woke up right now, I keep nodding my head no to the thought. This crap is really bad.

Howdy, my names Donii. I have POCD and I frequently fear that I might harm any kids around me, so much so that I physically stay away from them sometimes. I obsess over these thoughts that go against my morals, they don't show up all the time but when they do, I can't stop thinking about it and then I get distressed and try to remove myself and do something to distract myself those thoughts. Like watching porn to try and replace the person I may be thinking about with someone random, or If the thoughts aren't too intense, I imagine the thought as a picture and burn it. I often fear that I am a pedophile even though those are the people I hate the most, just thinking about hurting kids and making them cry, makes me want to cry. I'm in therapy to help me with these thoughts and I've learned that I have these thoughts because of what happened to me as a child, I was exposed to a lot of sexual content as a kid and even explored things with other kids, I'm coming to terms with the fact that kids being curious about each other's bodies is normal although it shouldn't have happened at all. I always think about what happened back then and I think it's definitely linked to the way my OCD brain sees children, it's like I get reminded of what happened. Besides that, I have a whole nother thing about my grandma that I don't feel like getting into right now because this is already very long, but I hope that I am accepted here, I don't have a place to talk about these thoughts without feeling like a monster so I'm hoping this is where I can truly talk about it all.

Every time I look at a child now I have these feelings and groinials and thoughts that I just can’t tell if they’re real or not bc it feels like it’s real it feels like I’m denying I’m attracted to them or something when I just notice that they are cute and have like attractive faces/feautures? And sometimes it feels like I notice them like an adult :/ but sometimes like if it’s like a vid or something sometimes I think it’s someone older but then I see longer and I’m like oof it’s not 🫠 like ughhh I just hate this idk what to do and I don’t want to be become an abuser I’m scared like I’ll be like my abuser and i don’t feel anxious like before bc I had these thoughts come up since 2020

I keep having unwanted sexual thoughts or images in my mind and its really stressing me and my compulsion is to avoid and block the tought the thing is that i am a believer i dont and if do erp i am supposed to facd my thought and let myself think abt it but my rocd male me feel that i will have sins and that i can not let myself think such things so idk what to do abt this sexual thoughts

How do I overcome false memory pocd. The thoughts make me sick to my stomach, cause me distress and a lot of anxiety. I know we are supposed to practice acceptance of uncertainty but the thoughts or actions are too evil to deal with if it were true. Its not who I am.

this is an event that im not at all clear on, it took place 7 years ago when i was 12 (i am now 18). i was holding my baby cousin on the couch and using snapchat filters to entertain them per the usual. i used to love doing that, i was always the baby in the family so i was excited to have a baby cousin of my own. and then i think i looked down and noticed my hand was over their diaper area and they also had on a diaper & pants ofc), and i think i scratched it and rubbed over the entire front of it (ew)🤢 i think because of the area and curiosity, this is what i've tried to remember. and now my head is saying that i liked it and was turned on idk truly, it happened years ago it's all a blur. i don't know why i would do it. but i know i would never hurt them, i mean i've been obsessed with them since before they were even born! but i don't have any clear memory of what happened, but i do think it was something like that. I think i was too young to think much of it or see the full spectrum of things because they had a diaper on. but i still feel terrible, this is an old obsession because i almost offed myself 2 years ago because of the same dilemma. the whole thing disgusts me. I've talked to my sister about it, she's a therapist/ social worker. i broke completely down and was crying so hard i could hardly breathe. she told me to calm down, & that i was probably curious and i was young. but i still feel like i sa'ed them, even though i didn't actually touch their privates and definitely had no intentions of it either.

I recently had a dream that i was romantically in love with a child, but we didn't do anything sexual. I've never had a dream like this before. But now when i recall on how i felt in the dream it's like i felt a romantic attraction. And i remember the feeling, it feels so real.. I wonder if the romantic attraction was just a figment of my imagination and OCD or I'm actually a pedophile. I've struggled with pocd for a while, but I've never been sexually aroused by a child. Does anyone have any answers?

I’ve been struggling with POCD since I was 18 years old, I am now 22. It’s terrifying how quickly it switched from my ocd focusing on a fear of pregnancy, to magical thinking ocd, and then to POCD. I’ve been suffering with it so much so that I’ve convinced myself and have lost friends due to confession compulsions. I have major issues with ruminating, and it frequently goes hand in hand with my relationship OCD and my Suicidal thoughts OCD. (Worrying my partner will leave me because what if I am, and that I can’t take this anymore so I have to __) I often experience things like shame, guilt, grief, and intense emotional pain that manifests itself into nausea and heartburn and sometimes headaches. I’ve tried everything, so this app really is my last resort. I wish to find community here, to know that what I’m facing I’m not alone in my battles with. I know that I’m not, so why does my brain work so hard telling me I am? I love children, I always have. But I get so afraid of being near them. I want to get better. I want to be able to spend time with my family again.

This is the worst my OCD has gotten! I’ve freaked out many times about harming my children, touching them inappropriately, etc. the other night I got blackout drunk and woke up and had thoughts of something specifically that I did to my 5 year old. It’s horrendous. Do you think it’s possible to become our worst fear when drunk? Do you think my son would wake up if I did something? This is awful! And I’ve been very suicidal since. I’m not sure how I can accept the uncertainty of this and move on. Yes, I’m in therapy.