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the NOCD Community

So I've been doing ERP therapy for almost a year now. Doing exposures but still feel stuck. Just started reading "brain lock". Not sure if anybody has read it. Omg so far so good. It makes sense now. Why our brains get "stuck". Has that book helped anyone in our group?

Is the best way for getting over OCD to ignore the intrusive thoughts? Most of my compulsions are in my head and it’s hard to ignore when they’re very distressing and you don’t agree with them at all!

I deal with false memories, I’ve had a few that have been pretty bad, but normally I’ve been able to tell myself “hey, this is false.” I remembered something a few months ago, and a genuinely don’t know if it’s false? When I first remembered it, it never crossed my mind at all that it could be false. I just assumed it was entirely true. But now that I’ve been thinking about it, there is a possibility that it could be false. It supposedly took place last year during the fall or winter, I remembered it last august. It’s an extremely extremely specific scenario, and the memory is kinda complex. I also vaguely remember remembering it earlier, but it now affecting me that much? Although that could have just been having intrusive thoughts related to the subject. With my confusion on whether or not this memory is false of course comes my ocd shoving it’s way into everything. Something my brain has been telling me recently is “if the memory could be false then maybe only parts of it are and you’re actually just a terrible person” (that would make more sense if I explained the memory). And now I have to keep reminding myself that it’s either all true or it’s all fake, because our ocd would not produce the “better part” of the memory without producing the “worse part”.

So many posts I’ve seen say ‘treat the thought as a thought and behave based on your values’ I have SOOCD. It’s so confusing I have no idea what my values are anymore. Do I assume whatever i was into before ocd started is my values? Like I don’t think I have any real ambition/want for a relationship with a guy, but I’m so numb, it’s been so long, I have no idea? What to do?

My new physician who is evaluating me for OCD asked about if I hear voices. I immediately got anxious and still am 24 hours later. I am deathly afraid of going schizophrenic and losing my grip on reality so my intrusive thoughts are very much surrounded my sounds , imagining I’m hearing a voice , being hyperaware , or being afraid of silence. When I said no I do not have auditory hallucinations I then begin to tell myself that I was lying and I probably am having hallucinations but just sane enough to lie about it? I am in a cycle of self doubt and it is driving me nuts. Why can’t I just take my diagnosis for what it is? And believe it is the right one?

Hey! Has anyone experienced worse anxiety and intrusive thoughts when first starting medications? The morning anxiety is the worst!

I seem to ruminate so much with POCD and analyse everything about myself, my life and even everyone around me. I’m even afraid to open up to a therapist or even to see my family because I don’t want to talk about it. My ocd feels different to everyone else and that’s scares me. I don’t have sexual images I just have the negative thoughts and fears of becoming a P or the fear of liking children. This SUCKS!!!! I even get suicidal thoughts playing in the background aswell. Is it possible to have 2 subtypes at the same time?

I downloaded this app yesterday hoping to find a bit of comfort among other people struggling with the same things. I’m really scared to post but I’m trying anyway. I have two really bad intrusive thoughts that make my life very difficult. One is this intrusive memory of when I was dog sitting when I 14. I was impatient so I pulled on the dogs leash (as his owner said I could tug on it and he would come). But he didn’t move and think I pulled way too hard and I’ve been wracked with guilt. This was 5 years ago and it still haunts me. I can hear the dog coughing and I think it was from me pulling too hard. About 6 months later he passed away and I fear greatly that something i did caused it even though he was old. In my head I wonder if I’m a truly evil person to hurt something smaller and less powerful than me. I didnt intend to hurt him but I worry I hurt him more than I know. It haunts me. I go over and over the memory in my head with seeing which parts are really, wondering if I’m evil. I also deal with POCD. I am in college currently but I feel like I’ve aged ten years since the onset of my symptoms. It’s taken my joy and innocence from me. I just want to live a good life and be a good person but my brain is malfunctioning. In addition I am frustrated bc my psychiatrist did not diagnose me with OCD but said all my symptom were due to GAD even though I meet all of the requirements including cycles of intrusive thoughts and compulsions( though mine are mostly mental). It’s difficult not having an official name for what I going through.

Hello everyone, I just started going to the university psychologist and she told me she is going to test me about having anxiety and stuff but I haven’t told her that I think I may have ocd and that I want her to tell me if the possibility is real and that I have ocd or not. I didn’t tell her because it was my first session and I don’t trust her enough for me to open and really talk about what is happening to me The issue is that, everyday I think i do better but then my mind thinks/ says/ makes me feel like something happened and I just didn’t realize, but the feeling is there On my session I met her and she met me, and at one point I told her that I have intrusive thoughts and the feeling that I have hurt people without realizing, but not remembering it, not feeling it, and she told me that intrusive thoughts are intrusive! Opposite to who I am, and that I shouldn’t be worrying about accidentally hurting people when I know deep inside I didn’t, and that if they get mad for nothing is their problem, not mine The issue is that, idk if someone else struggles with this but my real/false memories are not about “not remembering having told horrible things to your best friend two years ago” are about, “physically having hurt someone two seconds ago when I stretched my hand, even though I didn’t feel the hitting, I asked them if I got them hit and they said no, and that is impossible to my hand to reach the person because there is two meters of difference between us” Or maybe, another situation to example my fear Let’s say that someone is on the corner of a room. I enter the room and sit in the other opposite corner of the room, while I sit a vivid image of me traveling to the other corner of the room and slapping the person pops in my head and now I’m convinced that I hit the person even though I don’t remember standing up from the chair, walking to the corner and slapping the person, there is just the mental image and the feeling that I did it that convinces me that I did that and now I’m ashamed to the person I supposedly hit and I can’t look them into their eyes Idk if I explained myself (English is not my maternal language) but I really, really don’t know if someone is having the same “intrusive false memories” that are immediately and that makes you have 0 trust in your senses

Does “mentally reviewing” mean you’re trying to prove/disprove a thought? (Depending on what it is…) like I’m trying to figure out the definition to it because when it says mentally reviewing I feel like that’s me doing something wrong like making it out like I’m purposefully wanting to think about something. When in reality when I mentally review anything, I don’t want to think that stuff and ocd cause me so much fear and doubt that I feel like I have to prove/disprove the thought… is that what it is, or is there a deeper meaning to it??

Hi! I’ve struggled with bouts of disordered eating for years. It comes in waves and then settles down again. Today I realized it might actually be my ocd that causes it. The intrusive thought is gaining weight and the compulsion is the disordered eating/purging behaviors. Has anyone ever struggled with this? Could this be ocd?

im just losing my mind... im so scared of minors lying about their age online... i dont go on dating apps, and I was on an NSFW discord server (with age verification) and literotica, a chat site where you have to be 18+ to access the chat and the site... Im so scared and anxious of unknowingly messaging minors online when i dont ever want to... I havent been on these places in a while... but im so so so scared of minors lying about their age... it honestly just terrifies the everloving crap out of me... i dont ever want to ever be involved with men or minors in any way... god im so so scared... i dont have reasons to doubt most. The ones I found suspicious were those who were unverified or suddenly left the server... this one girl gave me her birthday, so that wasnt that suspicious... but then when i asked this one girl what date she was born on, she just said "13😭" before reiterating that she was 18 later on and once beforehand... im just honestly so scared and anxious rn... idk if they were lying or not... thats whats scaring me... ive only talked to verified women as far as i know... and i get so scared about minors online lying about their age, and it makes me ruminate on whether or not this happened to me... Ive seen so many horror stories of minors lying about their age and it just terrifies me to no end...

What can you do when you get an intrusive thought so bad it scares you so much that all you can do is sit there and cry your eyes out

Does anyone else find when a huge change happens in their life their ocd comes crawling in?

I think I realized (probably too late) that I’m scared of losing myself to one of these themes. I’m not sure if it’s like this for everyone but sometimes when I have intrusive thoughts it slowly erodes my own sense of self. Intrusive thoughts become so muddied and virtually indistinguishable from my own. I have this idea of myself that all of my intrusive thoughts go entirely against, and I’m afraid I won’t be me anymore. I am trying to practice more self love, and more self care in general. I’m trying here. To gain a self esteem, to not be in control but to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Does anyone else feel like if there friends, family or partner knew what their intrusive thoughts were then they would fear you or hate you or feel disgusted by you? I hate my intrusive thoughts but feel like a liar or fake person for not sharing them.

please don't judge 😢 i have a 2 year old and my partner lived at my moms but was classed at living at his dads i told my benefit people i was single because i knew wouldn't have any money as my partner works, i felt i wanted my own money to buy my daughter things, i've now told them i have a partner and he's moved in i'm overthinking they they will say something as he was paying bored to my mom my heads really scrambled with fear i don't know what to do i could say he offered to help pay mine and his daughter bored instead of child maintenance etc but i just feel so sick anxious i can't eat i'm constantly in a state of panic 😥 i know we can make mistakes but i think when you have a mind like ocd it just makes everything worse

im just losing my mind... im so scared of minors lying about their age online... i dont go on dating apps anymore cause of this, and I was on an NSFW discord server (with age verification) and literotica, a chat site where you have to be 18+ to access the chat and the site... Im so scared and anxious of unknowingly messaging minors online when i dont ever want to... I havent been on these places in a while... but im so so so scared of minors lying about their age... it honestly just terrifies the everloving crap out of me... i dont ever want to ever be involved with men or minors in any way... god im so so scared... i dont have reasons to doubt most. The ones I found suspicious were those who were unverified or suddenly left the server... this one girl gave me her birthday, so that wasnt that suspicious... but then when i asked this one girl what date she was born on, she just said "13😭" before reiterating that she was 18 once more later on when i stopped responding to her after she said "13😭" and said she was 18 once beforehand... im just honestly so scared and anxious rn... idk if she or other women were lying about their age or not... thats whats scaring me... ive only talked to verified women as far as i know... and i get so scared about minors online lying about their age, and it makes me ruminate on whether or not this happened to me... Ive seen so many horror stories of minors lying about their age and it just terrifies me to no end... Im paranoid and just so ready for me to be whisked away into a fantasy land... thats what final fantasy is *chuckles*... but i just genuinely want it to stop... its making me think the girl accidentally gave me her proper age by mistake... and that I indeed accidentally chatted explicitly with a minor... I genuinely feel so alone and anxious... we didn't do anything explicit yet because i was trying to check her age before that... but it was getting there after she said she was 18... I was asking for her date of birth because I still wanted to check, and she said "13😭"... im so so scared...

I am 21 and just received an OCD diagnosis. I go through phases of intense obsessions and compulsions, usually involving panic attacks. My last severe obsession was health related, and my current obsession centres on my relationship — an intense fear that I secretly do not love my partner and an overwhelming urge to escape the relationship. I remember when I was a child, my obsession was a fear of violence: every stranger felt to me like a threat, and so I compulsively avoided danger in various ways (walking in zig zag line, crossing the street multiple times on my way home.) Receiving a diagnosis, while scary, has been a true relief. Finally, I understand myself a bit better. I understand why I can’t let go of thoughts that I logically know are ridiculous. I understand why my panic is not a 30 minute episode, but prolonged, lasting days. I understand what the work ahead of me is. Though flare-ups are some of the most painful experiences I have been through (psychologically exhausting, and physically sickening), I am feeling hopeful. While I continue to work on ERP and mindfulness, I am aware of how much more control I am gaining over my attention. I am realizing that this is an illness treated by learning to listen to others, regulate my mind, and choose peace. Once I have the space to apply those skills beyond my immediate obsessions, I feel I will be an all around better person for it. I don’t mean at all to say that this illness is a blessing — I do not consider it advantageous by any stretch. That being said, the only joy I ever find during these difficult episodes are when I feel hopeful. If anybody has any victories, big or small, that they would like to share, I would love to hear them. Hope is a powerful tool. Community is a powerful tool. I hope everyone else learning to manage this illness can use them to our advantage.

Hi there everyone. I'm a 22 year old male who was diagnosed with ocd when I was about 16. I've struggled greatly with ocd and even fainted once because of how bad it got. I've had many obsessions that have shifted from time to time. Right now I have a bit of pocd, hocd,health ocd, and my latest and currently most distressing obsessions, where I'm not sure where to categorize them. My symptoms are as follows. I was walking home from work with an employee one day, when I hit a wall so to speak, in my thoughts. Like, I kind of knew what I wanted to say, but trying to put it into words, or fetching the words felt exhausting, and difficult. This was very distressing and triggered a downward spiral of obsessing over dementia, aphasia, cognitive decline, forgetting how to read and speak, and obsessing over words I think, read, and speak and wether or not I understand them.i continually get anxiety feelimg the need to go over the original catalyst sentence in my head ,checking to make sure I can properly retrieve it and think it. I still have a teeny bit of difficulty thinking or speaking about it, and I'm not sure if it's just my ocd and anxiety. Following all of this, lately I have had a fogginess in my head when thinking complexly and my ocd has pounced on it. Im hoping it's just brain fog, and that I'm obsessing over nothing, as when I am not obsessing about it, I understand and read and speak words just fine . Anyone else going through this?