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I’m sure many know me because I’ve been around for so long, helping out whenever I can. But there are a lot of new people and I keep getting asked a few questions over and over again, so it’s easier to make a post. Here we go! And sorry for typos… this is a long one. I joined this app in 2019 to see what it was about and get extra support as I was working with my therapist in person for OCD and my other mental illnesses. It took 6 years to fully recover and be subclinical for all my mental illnesses, including OCD. Going on 4.5 years now of being fully recovered and happy! 6 years, you say?! Yes, it took 6 years because for half that time, I basically wasn’t listening to my therapist 😆 I’ve had all the subtypes you can imagine because I started showing symptoms of OCD at 4 years old—it runs in the family. I stick around to help whenever I have free time because I know OCD completely sucks. And in the beginning of my healing journey, I only had my mom and therapist for help, but they don’t have OCD, so I had support but not personal knowledge support—it’s the same vibe as an AA sponsor. I am up front and honest and I speak plainly—that doesn’t work for some people and that’s totally fine. But I got help from people on this app (they have moved on) when I first joined and I needed to hear the things they said even though I ABSOLUTELY hated it. It was the truth and they were helping me when they told me to do XYZ or stop XYZ. I carry on because I know getting advice from OCD survivors helps immensely. Also, I don’t have a badge or certificate or anything like that next to my name or on my profile because I didn’t get treated on this app. I hope this post cleared up some things 😌

We’ve all been there when you wake up in the morning and it seems like your ocd was just gathering up all its strength while you were sleeping just to SLAM you with a barrage of discouraging thoughts, emotions, sensations etc to ruin your day before it could even start. It’s difficult to endure, but here’s the solution that has worked for me… Treat it as a cold shower. When you take a cold shower when your body least expects it, it feels almost unbearable and you doubt your ability to withstand the discomfort… until you surrender to it. Then what happens, your body adjusts to the discomfort and you walk out the shower feeling refreshed. The same goes with the morning exposures. They are very uncomfortable. But you’ve been there already. Many times. You know that you can withstand it, but since you were caught off guard, you doubt your ability to do so and maybe even dread the fact that you’re still going through this. Drop that mentality. View it as a cold shower. Surrender to it without doing any compulsions, or research or distracting yourself. Meditate. Relax. Sit through the pain. Eventually, it WILL pass (we know this, but forget at the moment it’s happening). Once it passes, the pain lessens/evaporates, the thoughts slow down or stop or even remain with you throughout the day, but the difference is you’ve already done the work of surrendering to the hardest blow so now it remains as a shadow in the background which may continue to make noise but can no longer govern your day. Because you’ve taken charge of it! And as a plus—- Just like a cold shower desensitizes you to the potential discomforts of the day to unfold, getting your ocd in control as soon as you wake up leaves you at a much better space to handle any other troubles you encounter throughout the day, even if that comes in the form of other thoughts. This is what’s worked for me. It’s not easy but very much worth it. Hope this helps someone 💪🏾 🚿 🥶

These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.

+18 only!! TW for sexual content!! (This might be TMI, but I need advice) So, this is kinda embarrassing, but I haven't been able to self-pleasure without feeling shame or guilt. It's so bad that I've just stopped altogether, but I don't want to avoid it. It was something I enjoyed and was comfortable with, and now, because of OCD, it just makes me feel... gross. It's a perfectly normal and healthy thing to do, but my mind just tries to convince me that it's wrong. Had anyone else dealt with this? It's not a huge issue, but I'm tired of unnecessary shame. :(

PET OCD Urgent. 😓Scared I violated my cat OK, my OCD is acting up because when me and my cat were cuddling, like I always do with petting my cats rear end or scratching or patting. when I hold them, one part of my hand holds their butt. (Not their actual you know what but the rear end area) But anyways, it was making me feel weird and I also tried to feel for my cats tail to see where I should end the petting because I was scared to pet further and touch his actual butt. (I was petting downward on its side and was feeling for where the tail started to see where I should stop because the fear of actually touching the cats actual butt scared me) But then to do an exposure for myself I just told myself Just keep petting his butt or shoot even put both hands there and cuddle with him, or just pet him all the way to the end of his tail, I even allowed myself to fully cuddle with him and snuggle with him. But the exposure is only making me feel worse, and making me feel that I acted on something bad. I was just trying to show myself and even said out loud “look nothing bad is happening” this is making me feel like I acted on an urge and hurt my pet. My cat is fine and likes to be pat on the butt or scratched, and also to get his tail played with. He likes being pet on his stomach as well but that is only sometimes. Typing all of this makes me feel so scared. Now I am having these obsessive compulsions with my cats, that I have to pet them near the rear end to prove to myself that doing that does not mean I hurt them, but it’s not making me feel better!!

Lists lists lists, bane of my life. Since I would say last 4 years any worry that pops in my mind I put down on the notes app on my phone then come back to it sometime. Is this OCD?

A "perfectionist." As a child, that's how most described me. Little did I know it might've been related to OCD. When writing notes, if I didn't write a single letter correctly or the ink smudged, I'd tear the paper out from the notebook and re-do the whole thing. It would take me HOURS. Another thing I remember that I still catch myself doing is walking a specific way on the sidewalk. I'd have to start with my right foot, then my left foot, and finish with my right foot at the end of the sidewalk square. If I messed up, I'd feel the urge to turn around and restart from the last square. Knocking on wood also became a compulsion of mine (which I still do lol). Same thing with "step on a crack, break your mother's back." I remember kids in elementary telling me that, and I jumped on a crack to prove to them that it wouldn't happen, but then immediately after doing so, I grew extremely anxious. Because, "What if it's true and I just hurt someone I love?" That day, I'm pretty sure I went home and apologized to my mom for stepping on the crack, and she laughed. Bad intrusive thoughts every night about scenarios where my family would pass away, and I'd imagine how life would be without them. I'd cry about it every single night for years. This eventually evolved into a fear that, if I didn't hug my mom or dad before they left the house, then something horrific would happen to them. Then, even later, it evolved again into intrusive thoughts of ME doing violent things to them. It was horribly distressing, but I didn't tell anyone about it because I thought they'd be afraid of me. One time, I'd been convinced myself that my entire family and I's flight would crash. I begged my mom to cancel our trip because "I just had a feeling that this time, it really would happen." The next day on the flight, I passed out multiple times, but our plane landed safely, and we all lived! Mentally reviewing past conversations over and over again and even scripting out conversations. Constantly asking for reassurance about EVERYTHING. Even if it was something small. During Covid, I grew really paranoid. If I touched anything, I felt like I immediately had to wash my hands two or three times. The air outside felt "contaminated," and I'd get intrusive thoughts just walking around our neighborhood about catching Covid by just being outside. In the first month, I did actually end up getting really sick, but I don't think it was Covid. Still, this only worsened my paranoia, and I'd constantly plug my ears to check my breathing, or I'd check my pulse. I thought I would develop pneumonia and die in my sleep😭 There's probably more, but that's just a few of the memories I've been looking back on...

Help. TW/nsfw.. incest ocd and trauma Any help or advice please… I need a little help. I have a family member who put me through a lot growing up, emotional and psychological. But sometimes they traumatized me by not being careful of their sexual stuff around me. Like pleasuring themselves while im in the room or not caring about pornography on their devices while around me. Anyways, my brain has sexualized and fantasized this moments since it happened when I was little. Anyways now that im older that family member and me still are around each other. I get these strong groinal responses whenever it seems like they are touching themselves again or I hear something that sounds like that. The groinal responses get so strong that it can cause climax even if I don’t touch myself. But anyways this groinal feeling and climax has happened while I’ve been around this family member. Either when we sleep in the same bed or are in the same room. They don’t know about this as I am scared to talk to them about this since they caused some of this trauma. Anyways, since this has happened around them it feels like I violated them in some way even though I know I didn’t. And also I started having false memories like “oh what if you did something inappropriate to said family member while they were sleeping and u forgot”…. And I know that’s not true deep down but I let it worry me too much that now I can’t differentiate between what’s real and what’s not. They know about my ocd and I told them about this fear and they said they would know if I hurt them when they were sleeping and to not worry myself. But it’s hard to explain what triggered it since THEY are the trigger. I am scared me having these groinal responses and allowing my body to climax from it (i just sit there and let this disgusting feeling pass, like im not sitting there touching myself) while being near this person is a violation of them. Any advice or help. I feel so weird and gross. I love this family member dearly as they raised me.

Help. TW/nsfw.. incest ocd and trauma I need a little help. I have a family member who put me through a lot growing up, emotional and psychological. But sometimes they traumatized me by not being careful of their sexual stuff around me. Like pleasuring themselves while im in the room or not caring about pornography on their devices while around me. Anyways, my brain has sexualized and fantasized this moments since it happened when I was little. Anyways now that im older that family member and me still are around each other. I get these strong groinal responses whenever it seems like they are touching themselves again or I hear something that sounds like that. The groinal responses get so strong that it can cause climax even if I don’t touch myself. But anyways this groinal feeling and climax has happened while I’ve been around this family member. Either when we sleep in the same bed or are in the same room. They don’t know about this as I am scared to talk to them about this since they caused some of this trauma. Anyways, since this has happened around them it feels like I violated them in some way even though I know I didn’t. And also I started having false memories like “oh what if you did something inappropriate to said family member while they were sleeping and u forgot”…. And I know that’s not true deep down but I let it worry me too much that now I can’t differentiate between what’s real and what’s not. They know about my ocd and I told them about this fear and they said they would know if I hurt them when they were sleeping and to not worry myself. But it’s hard to explain what triggered it since THEY are the trigger. I am scared me having these groinal responses and allowing my body to climax from it (i just sit there and let this disgusting feeling pass, like im not sitting there touching myself) while being near this person is a violation of them. Any advice or help. I feel so weird and gross. I love this family member dearly as they raised me.

Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?

TW// NSFW and childhood So today, I am making some big changes. I am going to see a psychiatrist, as I already have found a therapist on here. I am very scared to speak with them, though. My OCD themes are very sexual and taboo. I also had a weird childhood, I was exposed to pornography at around age 4 to 5 I witnessed things, had other children do things to me , and also witness family members being careless with their sexual interactions around me. I was very hyper sexual as a kid, and even up until now. I was touching myself at those young ages as well, compulsively, 24/7 and inappropriate places like school, in front of family, etc. I developed weird fantasies as a kid and watched very weird things, but around age 14 is when I started becoming aware of how these things do not align with who I am deep down, and it began to make me very anxious and uncomfortable, eventually leading me to find out and get diagnosed with OCD. A bad compulsion I deal with, like I said, before is self pleasure, but it has become a compulsion that it worries me that I like the nature of my OCD. I also experimented in such disturbing ways as a child that it haunts me now. And some fantasies have stuck, as they revolve around something traumatic I’ve seen as a kid. For example, the main one, is when I was younger, there was a family member who would be careless with pornography on their phone, self pleasure around me, etc.. so my brain has sexualized this for such a long time. But I love that family member, dear to my heart, and I would never want to do anything sexual with them harmful to them. I know this is getting long, but I guess this is my story? I am a little nervous, well, actually very scared, that the psychiatrist is going to tell me that I am my biggest fear, someone who needs to be kept away from kids, pets, society. I just feel so not normal. It makes me super sad and drained. If anyone has any advice, or even something that they can relate on, anything helps. Thank you.

once I make a decision about something and go forth with it and can’t undo it (e.g tell someone something etc) my mind won’t shut up about what if that’s the wrong choice and oh you’re gonna be regret that?!? It happens so much and so frequently that it’s so hard to believe it’s OCD or not….anyone else struggle with this or know how to calm down from it?

I hate my ocd so much every single time I get new hyperfixation or special interest it has to ruin it destroy shatter I cannot do this anymore it's so fucking annoying. I dont really have a theme of ocd, sometimes it's something sexual, sometimes it's values and morals, sometimes it's hyper responsibility, but the main part is that, it always attacks my current special interest. For example, when I get sexual intrusive thought it wont be an intrusive image of myself or someone I know, but it's going to be an image of my favorite characters, or when I'll get a thought about my morals, it's going to be "your favorite character is based on misogynistic stereotypes" or "your favorite male character is the way they're not because they're severely mentally ill and traumatized, as well as disabled, but because they're a man and every men acts this way" So ocd is basically trying to make me go either insane or dead, all I can do is just keep being interested in what Im interested in and hope for it to go away after some time. Tho my therapist that I was going to a year ago told me to stop being interested in what Im interested in or get interested in something else, when it doesnt make even the littlest bit of sense?? I mean, it wont make my ocd dissapear it's just going to latch onto other thing im interested in?? Maybe something even more important? At this point Im just tired, I never actually were that suicidal as I am now, I mean, I dont really think about it all the time but I feel like Im completly ready to take my own life whenever I feel like I cant take this anymore, my mother after a year and a half started to trust me with taking meds to my room, so I can do it whenever I want. It gives me some sort of comfort

Idk. It was slightly daunting before ocd but now it’s more daunting. Especially with the relationship thing. Like I cannot conceptualize forever. My parents got divorced. Most of the relationships I’ve seen have fallen apart. I’m worried about making a mistake and living in the wrong relationship with the wrong gender my whole life but I was so happy and confident before. Now I feel like. None of that. I’m wondering. Who do I want to do life with? Who do I wanna sleep next to my whole life? Have sex with? Have a family with? Am I holding back from my real soulmate cuz I didn’t feel that intense draw towards my bf? I had breakup thiughts and random intrusive thoughts about me dying or smthn random like that but they never bothered me at all so I worry about them. Idk. I’m so tired Being bisexual makes this more confusing. Cuz now I’m worried I’m a lesbian cuz I can’t feel anything lately towards my bf besides slight anxiety, overwhelm and nausea. Idk. I’m tired and about to head to bed but I wanted to rant. Idk if anyone else feels like that if you do pls Lmk, especially with the nausea. I feel nausea around anything sexual lately. And I feel horrible cuz I do wanna be intimate but I have no energy and don’t wanna do it much lately.

Last year I used and app to talk about my POCD and people called me a pedo and told me to kill myself. It has been months and I had even forgotten about it, but I talked about my mom yesterday and I feel a sense of doom now. Like, I could have lived my life normally, but this happened. I feel overhelmed, and don't know exactly what to do, cuz when I stop to think about it, it is something awful, but I spend months just not caring, I don't know what to do, it was not even close to the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but it still feels terrible, it keeps echoing in my mind, and It won't go away, and yes I know it is OCD, I just want to let It go. And I lied somethings to my mom cuz if I told the whole truth she would be even more heartbroken (I just didn't say what app it was and I said it was recently, and not months ago) And I feel bad, but now I can't go back, but if I told her the whole truth, she would've just broke down. Basically she thinks it was yesterday and in another app, and I told her I just commented on something. But I feel so bad! I don't want to tell the truth to her, but also, I don't know...

Since I was a kid, I have suffered with counting and even numbers to try to answer hypothetical situations in my head. “If the time is even, this person hates me” and vice versa. It came to a point, in conjunction with my panic disorder, where in mental health in-patient treatment they had to take down all the clocks. Then came the excessive planning and organization. I plan everything down to the minute. When things go wrong or off the plan I have what my then therapist referred to as a “sh!t fit.” I have tried numerous medications for my OCD, yet, somehow, my body always had an adverse reaction one way or another. I.e. serotonin syndrome, neuroleptic malignant syndrome, etc. The anxiety and panic that came with my OCD played heavily in my drug addiction. Calculating the exact number of pills, dosages, and combinations to help ease my anxiety and hyper-fixations. At extreme points, using pills to sleep away the pain and thoughts that things will not get better. It put me into a spiral of drug addiction. With the hyper fixation off from time and planning turning into the fixation on drugs and medicine. It put me through a whole other spiral. I had a therapist tell me that OCD is one of the three ways that anxiety can form. The other two being GAD and Panic disorder. As someone who has suffered with anxiety their entire life, I was glad to receive my diagnosis’s as an adult when I thought the world was falling apart. It gave me a sense of clarity. However, going back to my prior statement on the hyper fixation of prescription drugs and medicine, I thought the pills would be the answer. That was not the case. In fact, it was far from the truth. Yes, the drugs and the psychiatric services helped tremendously, but I have never seen a therapist or psychologist to receive one on one prior to in-patient mental health residential treatment. Most recently in September I had to be placed on a psychiatric hold and placed into an in-unit psych unit at the hospital for an attempt to end my life as my OCD was not getting “better.” My diagnosis’s upon leaving the psych unit was “Suicide attempt w/ OCD.” I am proud to say that upon receiving in-patient residential services for my duel diagnosis (Sedative, hypnotic, anxiolytic abuse and OCD), I have finally found a sense of clarity that things would get better. I hope that doesn’t change or go downhill. I accepted it and I know the diagnosis’s won’t go away, but I hope that life starts changing for the better. Thank you guys for sharing their stories on this app to give me hope that I am not alone.

PLEASE do not argue over political stances in this post that is not what this is for at all. For context I consider myself someone with mixed views (politically homeless) and I am connected with people of all stripes and beliefs and stances. After the inauguration in the USA this weekend there has been an overwhelming response from the populace especially online. I feel like I’m completely surrounded by people (on every “side”) who are making very intense and unyielding statements about other people’s morals and values and “good-“ or “bad-ness” based on their beliefs, opinions, responses or non responses to all the different things going on politically. I feel like it’s driving me insane. My head has been spinning constantly and I can’t stop crying. I feel like I’m drowning and cornered and under a police interrogation light. I’m so terrified of saying or doing or thinking or not thinking the “wrong” thing, I’m feeling my heart being torn in so many directions and I’m struggling to stop ruminating and spiraling over feeling like I don’t belong anywhere and no matter what I’m always going to be evil to someone. This is not me taking a side or revealing what I think, or trying to make an implied judgment or comment on ANY political figure, policy, etc….My point is: the issue I’m having is with the way people are talking about these issues and about other people in the midst of these issues, so black and white, so moralistic, and my OCD is having a field day. Just looking for camaraderie and to know I’m not alone in this. I please ask again do not bring up specific political issues or take stances in the comments. Thank you.

my cat was smelling my other cat's bottom so to get him away i like quick "slapped" with the dorsal of the hand on his face and i got afraid that i did too hard so i compulsively did it again with similar strenght that i used to check if he was hurt and i regret it, like it wasn't a hard slap meant to hurt, but i did that impulsively and maybe i exceeded a bit over the limit in which it doesn't hurt. like he definetely reacted but i don't know if he was hurt, like he reacted in the moment but nothiny else, and he's lovey dovey. i dont think he was hurt but i feel bad. because if i did it once as a mistake i shouldn't have done the same thing again. i feel like an abuser. there are many things that are happening to me and im getting overwhelmed and i dont know how much longer i can hold on. because one thing i can't do is to forgive myself over mistakes.

Hey everyone! So I recently just hit my 6 month status as an OCD conqueror (yay!) and wanted to share some thoughts. As early as I can remember, I had crippling anxiety as a kid. But I grew up in a “traditional” family where we didn’t talk about our feelings. I internalized all of my fear and it wasn’t until I was about 10 when I started to notice the negative side effects of this. I was angry, mean, and deceitful. I never learned, or rather was never taught, how to deal with all those emotions. Fast forward to 2 years ago I went through some major life changes and I was left completely disregulated (still never received any sort of mental health support). I started having intrusive thoughts and couldn’t seem to escape from them. The more I tried the worse they got. Now having been through treatment with NOCD (and regular therapy + meds), I am a completely different person. I reconnected with my child self and finally mourned the losses I buried away for the past 20+ years. I am free to grow and thrive as a self-actualized, healed adult. The possibilities are now endless. That is the gift mental health support has given me. Looking back on my OCD journey, I no longer think of it as a chronic illness, but rather as a stepping stone towards achieving a higher knowledge of self. I learned so much about my mind and how I engage in that relationship between mind & self. I do think they are separate entities, yet deeply intertwined. That mind sound a bit lofty, but it’s been deeply comforting to me. But I also think this sort of perspective can held you step back from the OCD experience which is just a small subset of who you are. There will come a time when you are free from the seemingly endless cycle of intrusive thoughts and be able to look at the experience from a completely different lens. There is light at the end of the tunnel, never give up on yourself or your freedom!!!

Up until 5 days or so ago I had this obsession about my classmate I was like "do I love him?what if I do? What if I want him? " ( I've been jn this state of doubting myself since last summer precisely may/start of june). I had a lot of panic attacks, last one was yesterday its was really strong and i couldn't control my body,could not breathe and the muscles in my face were burning.(it was about this POCD thing also I am not diagnosed with OCD I have an appointment with a therapist soon) Because of that I started testing my physical reaction to a sexual scenario I imagined and I felt my private area sensitive like not pleasure but not painful either, its lowkey uncomfortable. That sensation started then and I still have it to this day 24/7 sometimes it goes away like when I first wake up but when I think about it it comes. Then I was listening to some bad news about children sexual abuse while eating and I felt that sensation while they were describing everything. Before that day i just didnt care much about children like i was mostly neautral and i would say with no ill intention " look at how cute that baby is!" When i saw one while being out with my friends. Then I started spiraling because like a year ago or something like that so when I was 16, I felt the need to touch myself and I did when I heard some of those disturbing news and I don't remember exactly when but I searched up that content and after I thought "what am I doing " and stopped. Since that day 5 days ago I started being scared and constantly questioning " am I attracted to children" "What if I would harm them if left alone with me?" "*Instert random scenario* and I test my bodily reactions " " What would people think if they knew I'm such a bad person?" And I keep avoiding children and anything children related, but when I see a child I don't think much at first but then I'm like " did I think something bad? Do I feel attracted to that child?" And I have these thoughts from the moment I wake up. Sometimes I cry sometimes I feel numb. Can someone please tell me if this is OCD?