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Still upset over me almost acting on impulse or felt like an impulse because i would be a c m then I feel like I’m the only one who goes through this

I need help. I went to church today and it was scripture John 6:66 which stressed me out then the D word came up not Devil . The name for his followers . How am I going to go to church ? If I’m going to get triggered! Prozac helps but it can only do so much. How do I over come this ?

This is a late night thought I get a lot not all the time but most nights sometimes I feel like my ocd would make me think that I have this thing trying to talk to me or getting me to do things that I do NOT want to do AT ALL. This is also why I try to stop being online or not talk or do anything at all. I'm trying to explain in the best way I can. The best way I can describe my ocd or mental health right now would be like Jeykll and hyde. Especially in the musical the most popular song confrontation cause like false memories or something like that. Having false memories of doing something especially online in my past that was so bad at least to me and I just have forgotten about it. Trying to remember feels like as if it was a different version of me or a complete different person cause I do be wanting to think of my past self as a completely different person cause I personally feel like I did or even said something so wrong or bad (even though I didn't do anything...) that I just want my old self to be a completely different person. My ocd has also gotten so bad that it made me have developed severe delusions of the government or government services like the police or FBI coming to get me. So sometimes I would think about turning myself into the station or mental hospital one because I also developed S**cidal ideation because it got so bad though I never wanted to acted on anything. I haven't really experienced ideation that bad until I first developed it but I just get scared of my mental health getting bad again.

So whenever I'm tired or zoned out, I realize I tend to not process my intrusive thoughts nearly as quickly or as much as I'd like and whenever I get those types of thoughts, they're often accompanied with "pleasurable" feelings which worries me because these are intrusive thoughts! It feels like I genuinely just let the thoughts happen and I enjoyed it, I'm freaking out!

My OCD is doing horrible. I was put on birth control to balance out my PMDD. I don’t think that’s going too well it just keeps getting worse. My mental health keeps getting worse. My OCD is so bad that my existential theme came back, the one I overcame six years ago for the most part. My POCD is flaring, my every single damn theme known to man is flaring right now. I feel absolutely insane and I feel like my OCD has never been this bad before. Even at its worst, like me posting 6x a day on here months ago. I’m doing a lot of compulsions it’s not my original compulsions or anything. They’re like really freaking complex like compulsions within compulsions. I feel like I’m literally dying. I feel so much fear. I haven’t been able to stop crying in my face is dry from all the salt. I don’t know what to do. I’m genuinely desperate. I don’t want to do this. I already tried relaxing because I have little periods of time where I feel a little better, and I even ordered myself some ice cream, but I’m not doing okay. I feel like I’m drowning in a nightmare and I just can’t wake up.

18+ UPDATE: Currently right now, I'm in a 50's style diner with some cast and crew from a student film they shot. Im in a corner seat because there was no room for this couple to sit together and I gave her my spot. But thats not what im sad about... what I'm sad about is feeling like nobody in that room gives a single shit about me... or they hate my guts and just want me to go away... so im by myself typing this because the last thing I want to cause is any form of idiotic drama... I hate myself for my POCD, my Harm OCD, and my real events OCD... and i hate myself for being so lonely too... i have no one... no girlfriend... no friends... just acquaintances... and my dad will tell me to suck up my loneliness and be a man if I call him, so... I cant call to him for advice... all I am and ever will be is alone... this is my 5th year in college.... and I hate myself now more than I've ever done... When trying to find explicit anime stuff i enjoy, i keep stumbling across POCD related content I find disgusting and disturbing... but then i get this urge to go back and click on it and check my reaction... when i do, im immediately disgusted and quickly exit out... it happened a couple of times tonight... My POCD is labeling this as an unconscious attraction... chatGPT is saying this is morbid curiosity... i dont want to be attracted to men or kids... i dont want to be attracted or even curious about it... Tonight, i just had an intrusive thought of the word "loli" and an intrusive urge to look it up and check my reaction... i looked up a hentai site and saw it (loli...) i checked my heart rate to make sure it wasnt beating fast (a sign of attraction) before i quickly exited out of the website... my pocd is telling me im a P for this and Im genuinely so triggered...

Any image that pops up into my head i automatically assume it’s posted online so i have to check every app to make sure. Or a simple action or word and my brain makes up an imagine like what if you actually did this or said this. I just sniffed or huffed to make a noticed that I was annoyed by my dog and now my brain created this image and now I think I said something.

I cant believe this like why am I asking this so I have health anxiety right and I was worried if I had scitzaphrenia and one of the symptoms were believing delusions obviously I don't believe any then the same day I went for a walk and looked at the clouds and got a thought what if clouds aren't real which was really ridiculous ik clouds are real lol heck you can see them even "feel" them obviously you can't touch em but I was afraid if I actually believed that they aren't real obviously they are why am I having this even after the schizophrenia fear left I still have the what If im crazy fear anyone eles have some advice to calm down I don't have to know how clouds work again to prove my ocd wrong lol im laughing a bit how irrational these thoughts are.

I'm sorry if I'm bringing religion into this but I grew up around those beliefs. Listen I really don't like the thought of considering that I could homophobic cause of religious-like beliefs. This has been bothering me which is why I kinda stepped away from religion and faith cause it just seemed way too hateful and controlling. I'm a heavy people pleaser and an empath. I would like it if lgbt people and religious people could help me feel better <3 I'll try to explain how I feel. I have religious beliefs that being gay is a sin. I grew up around Christan beliefs but I was taught to hate the sin and not the person <3 like respect the person. Always! I respect people for who they are cause I was taught we're all born sinners in the end but I'm also taught in my religion that it's important to try and stop sin. But we can always be forgiven if we catch ourselves sinning that's the beauty of it no matter the sin except for blasphemy of course. I just do not understand the gay agenda. And that's just me that doesn't mean I'm going to go around hating and bullying others. I don't that that's not right period. Religion or no religion. It's just wrong in general especially if someone is just being their selves or figuring out who they are. I just think people get this mixed up. Like I just don't get it I'm not one to be attracted to the same gender I'm just not that person. I'm more traditional. But I don't like being a hater... but I still want to respect others. Like I even had intrusive thoughts of being attracted to the same gender because I thought someone was pretty 😂 but it's not like that I'm more like ("slay queen!"). But attracted??? No, to me it's just weird for me in my perspective doesn't mean I don't respect others, I do I really do. I just don't understand. And I hate having the thoughts that I may sound hateful cause of such religious like beliefs. I even had an old couple of friends in school a long time ago or knew a few people and I always respected them! <3 because a few of them were super nice and were cool. Like idgaf as long as you're nice and chill!

I hate when my daughter tries to hug me. I try to avoid it if I can but I had an episode where I couldn't. She was coming in for a hug and I tried to stay still. I had a thought come up that if I turned a certain way she'd brush my bottom with her hand when she hugged me. I contemplated not doing it and then I felt like I wanted to do it and turned my body. When she hugged me, her hand did brush my bottom and I panicked after she hugged me. I feel so much guilt for this. Why did I feel like I wanted to do this and let it happen? I have POCD, but this is just too scary to understand What I'm scared about is I felt the desire to move that way to make it happen in the moment. I recall feeling some sort of desire. But it would've never happened if the intrusive thought to move that way wouldn't have entered my mind first.

Last night my boyfriend and I were intimate, like most times that I’ve ever been intimate I couldn’t stay in the moment, thoughts racing through my mind causing me to be in my head rather than in the moment. EVENTUALLY, I was able to really be present and enjoy our time together, but it was once again fleeting. Afterwards I broke down and was crying, I had realized that OCD has ruined my intimate life from the very start. Of course my boyfriend was concerned so I opened up about what I was feeling. Well he started to explain that everyone gets distracted during sex and that it’s normal, so then I started thinking. What if I don’t even have OCD? What if I’m completely normal and just think I have OCD, I don’t have “episodes” 24/7, but I have them quite often. But maybe that’s just how the mind works?? My boyfriend said “you can’t control your thoughts, no one can” So does that mean I don’t have OCD? I’m spiraling and trying to understand it all. While we were intimate I had a realization that sex isn’t about what you’re thinking it’s about what you’re feeling, but I can’t stop thinking to actually be able to feel. Once I’m “distracted” I can’t get back into the moment, the thoughts pile and evolve and cycle and it’s never ending. I just don’t know, I know OCD can make you question if you even have OCD but what if I don’t have OCD and am just trying to convince myself I have OCD? HELP

18+ did anybody else do things as a kid that they are ashamed of? i feel like im haunted by my actions as a child. i was very sexually aware at a young age and i didn't know it was bad (under 10). this made me do things that i maybe shouldn't of done with others around my age, some a few years younger. i'm so mortified i feel like im a bad person but i was also a kid too just learning. anybody else experienced similar? i didn't have the best parents ever so i wasn't taught what's bad and good very well. but it really triggers my POCD and just OCD in general.

I am feeling sad and frustrated today with myself. I have been in therapy for two months and had my meds upped two months ago too. However, my job is extremely stressful and I have been dealing with a set back. I keep getting told to set boundaries or even quit but financially I can't and can't afford to lose my medical insurance. Anyone have any tips on how to deal when stress makes the OCD worse?

Every time I say smthn I like about my body or ask myself questions (likley a compulsion) or even just being around my bf I feel like this frog in my throat/nausea feeling. Why?? I never used to feel that before all of this. I love my body and I love being a woman I have no desire to be a man, maybe to try out semi masculine/tomboyish styles for funsies but that’s it. Ex- I was saying just now I do like having smaller boobs even tho they’re not super big or visible when I wear baggy clothes (that’s been bothering me lately. I’m wearing a sweater rn and I can’t see them ;-;). Then I end up in a loop of “if there was a button in front of you to turn you into a man would you press it” my brain jumps to yes but I don’t want that I don’t think. Idk. I’m just confused. I don’t feel like myself anymore. Certain nicknames my bf gives me make me anxious or nauseous but if I didn’t have this I don’t think they would. He reused a nickname I haven’t heard since I last saw my half siblings so maybe that’s where it’s coming from? I like the nickname it’s cute, especially when he says it out loud. I think I’m just weird with nicknames tbh. I like calling him nicknames but I haven’t really been called anything till we started dating. It started with honey, meu amor, meu anjo, and habibi/habibti (he’s Arab, I’m Brazilian. Banger food combo. We’ve joked about opening a fusion restaurant lol) and it’s kinda evolved from there. Idk the nauseous feeling has been persistent lately. Especially cuz his parents hate my guts rn 😀and likely will forever should be and I get married. Which I do want. But then my SOOCD comes in screaming NO YOU DONT YOURE GONNA LEAVE HIM AR THE ALTAR FOR *insert friend I have a false attraction to* (I’m pretty sure it is false attraction. I don’t like her in that way. But every time there’s a joke I get a groinal response and panic internally. We’re not close and I don’t get excited to see her or want to be closer to her the way I do with my bf/before he and I started dating. I know what a crush feels like. But I feel like I’m going insane and that it isn’t ocd and I’m just losing my mind and I don’t love y bf). I love being back at university but also hate it at the same time cuz I live in an all girls dorm. Which is. Great. When my ocd makes me think I’m a lesbian. And all my friends are queer so this kinda doesn’t help. The friend that is specifically being targeted atm is a lesbian. Lately it’s been her for a while. How long does it take for it to jump false attractions? Cuz I’m worried that if it lasts a certain amount of time it’s a real feeling. I also just get groinal responses around my friends a lot and it bugs me. Why am I feeling a twitch and feeling wet? We’re playing cards? Oh god am I turned on by an entirely different friend than the usual target cuz she’s wearing shorts? Like😃😃😃I’m losing it lol I also feel generally numb? Like idc if this happens with him, idc if he can’t see me. But then when I can’t see him or if I even imagine smthn happening I start sobbing. There’s currently restrictions on guests in the dorm so we can’t even cuddle or hang out in silence. He came to pick me up the other night to go for a drive and it was nice and wonderful but I did feel a tad bit anxious. Maybe it’s cuz it’s been 2 months, I’m worried about meeting his parents, he has 2 jobs and has classes, I have classes and a club presidency to deal with, I’m on vyvanse, etc. multitude of reasons but once we eased into it I felt better. We kissed a little and all I could think of was “I love his eyes and his smile” I was worried I would hate kissing him. But I loved it (idk it’s like my brain wipes the memory and is like “lol do you even like kissing him or having sex with him??” And it’s putting in memories of me being uncomfortable and annoyed by his kissing which I never am. Sometimes his mustache and beard are pokey but I think that’s normal lol) even when I enjoy things my brain is like “nah you’re GAYYYY🫵AND on top of that! You’re likely a man who is denying that he is trans. Here’s a name for you that you never asked for or conjured up!” Idk if anyone else’s ocd does that. I like being a woman, love it some days. Neutral most days, whcih I did read is normal, cuz you’re just going about your day as you are. Not thinking about it. Not feeling anything wrong. I never did till this shit. I don’t think about it often but one night it just hit me like a freight train “what if I am trans and suppressed it? I mean I was a tomboy as a kid.” But I know plenty of tomboys grow into cool girls so. ??? Idk. Ramble over. I have class🫡

I feel like bc of OCD I’m not normal. To give an example of this, my mind trailed and eventually went to me potentially seeing a video of my sister giving oral to a man (long details and I don’t want to fall into confessing). But anywho that’s where my mind went and ik the correct thing is to be like “if I saw that, maybe I would like it, maybe I wouldn’t.” But REGULAR people would already be disgusted at the thought right off the bat. The fact it feels like I do like it for whatever reason shows I’m not normal.

OCD feeds on the illusion of permanence. It convinces us that a single thought can last forever, that a mistake will stain us permanently, or that failing to perform a ritual means something irreversible has been set in motion. In that world, everything feels heavy, final, and eternal. But take a step back, not by 200 feet but by 200 years. What will really remain? Nothing we obsess over today will leave even a fingerprint on time. The most successful people in history and the people who made the gravest mistakes all eventually fade into the same silence. Billionaires, beggars, saints, and criminals end up in the same soil. Our names might be remembered for a while, but eventually even that passes. Life is like writing in sand at low tide. The waves come, and they erase every mark, no matter how grand or how small. Think of life as a novel. Every one of us has a beginning, a middle, and an ending. The beginning is birth. The middle is our striving, fumbling, joy, and heartbreak. The ending is death. OCD is like a character inside the book who tries to grab the pen from the author. It says, “Wait, we need to rewrite Chapter 6 or the story is ruined. What if Chapter 8 has a mistake? We must fix it before turning the page.” But the story unfolds anyway. The ending is already written. What makes it good is not whether each chapter was perfect but that the story has an end. Without endings there is no story, only endless noise. We are often taught to see death as a tragedy. But what if death is a promise? Death is what frees us from endless revisions. It closes the book. Whether our lives play out as comedy or tragedy, they become whole. A sunset is beautiful because it ends. Imagine if the sun never set. Its glory would fade into monotony. OCD wants to pause the sunset and replay it frame by frame to make sure it is “done correctly.” But life was never meant to be dissected that way. It was meant to move, to end, and to be received as a gift. This is where God enters the picture in a way that challenges many traditional narratives. Religion often tells us that we need to earn God’s approval through strict rules, moral codes, or by fitting into some framework of perfection. But if God is truly eternal and infinite, then our obsessions and mistakes are not permanent stains. They dissolve in the sea of His eternity just like everything else. Picture God not as a judge with a scorecard but as an ocean. Every drop of water eventually falls into it. The drop does not bring its résumé, its guilt, or its compulsions. It simply becomes part of the source from which it came. OCD is like a drop of water worried that it will not make the right splash. But the ocean receives every drop the same. Here is where the cure begins. OCD insists that “this matters infinitely.” Perspective answers back, “In 200 years none of this will matter. So why not live with fluidity, the way nature intended?” When we stop resisting impermanence, we stop fighting the natural flow of life. Instead of carving our identities into stone, we learn to move like ripples across the surface of water. We let God’s ocean carry us. Suddenly, the demand for absolute control dissolves. Control was always an illusion. Permanence was always a lie. Impermanence is a gift. OCD tries to immortalize every thought and every mistake. But life, death, and God remind us that nothing is immortal except love. Death is not the eraser of meaning but the seal that completes the story. No matter how messy the chapters have been, the ending is a good one simply because it ends.

I’m having an OCD flare right now, and my brain is telling me “you don’t have a sense of self.” A few days ago, I felt confident and grounded. But today, my brain is looping on every reason why I must be “unstable.” For me, the things that trigger this fear are: • Looking back at past versions of myself and feeling like they don’t fit who I am now. • Cycling through different interests and worrying that means I’m just trying to “be someone.” • Feeling doubtful when my mood shifts (like going from confident one day to grumpy the next). Questioning my treatment choices: one day thinking I need OCD residential, the next deciding I’m fine sticking with my therapist. OCD tells me this back-and-forth means I’m unstable. • OCD telling me, “See? This must mean you have BPD.” Logically, I know people change interests, grow out of past phases, and feel differently depending on context. I also know I have consistent themes (music (specifically metal, electronic, rap (but of course my OCD makes me question if I really like it), horses, fairness, sensuality, authenticity, health, art, certain aesthetics… etc.). But when OCD flares, it makes me doubt everything and convinces me I have no solid identity. I’m also PMSing, tired, and hungry right now, which makes the OCD voice louder. It feels real, even though I can recognize it’s probably just OCD doing its thing. Note I also have ADHD + OCPD + BDD I have been told by four therapists and one psych that I do not have BPD. But of course “what if they’re wrong.” “What if they’re not telling me.”

hi so my therapist & i were talking about how scared i am of schizophrenia being a misdiagnosis, i'm not diagnosed with OCD even though i suffer from all of the symptoms more than anything else right now but she took as an example people that could kill me; when something was on the news a few months back i got EXTREME paranoia fearing that i could be killed next, my therapist said it was a delusion **but** deep down i know they can't actually get me but i'm just afraid if i speak up about it that they will get me. for example if i always say "nothings bad gonna happen" something bad is gonna happen. i don't really know deep down but i also do i'm just so lost like ???? i also always keep obsessing over it, but i also heard feeling watched & scared people are gonna do something is OCD, i'm just confused. is it still a delusion? or am i misdiagnosed? i've had psychosis multiple times but it was never negative or bad i think except losing friends i'm tired & drained. i'm sorry for constantly mentioning it but **i'm not scared of schizophrenia i'm just scared that i have a misdiagnosis** i put a TW for sure incase it triggers people with schizo OCD ! !

Lately I’ve been having some thoughts like “i don’t feel real” and I feel disconnected and not been feeling like myself, I don’t know if this is just ocd because I do get thoughts about life and they don’t really cause much panic.. or could this be something else

I am slowly learning to allow myself to be in distress. By allowing this, I can move forward and actually deal with real life in a more objective and positive manner. It may seem easy to some but I have lived a reactionary OCD led life for many years. Never knowing how I would react. NOCD therapy has really opened my eyes to challenging those lies, living in the present, and learning to see truth. I will be a lifelong overcomer as I continue to move forward.