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Is anyone going through something like me ? I have false memory intrusive thoughts , thinking of the possibility of having committed a crime and no remember about it And also have religious ocd thinking that God is angry at me for some reason , and that's why I'm not able to pray, like i used to... I'm so sad because he is so important to me and I would feel such big connection to the Lord when I would pray, and right now I'm afraid ...

I'm terrified that my biggest fear happened on a night I drank too much and blacked out. I now keep finding/looking for evidence to try and prove/disprove and it's terrifyingwhen I find something that supports the belief. Does anyone else experience this. So angry with myself for letting myself drink to this point. Have been so depressed

I have been having memory obsessions a ton lately and like I once had an image of hurting somebody but I know that this would’ve been somewhere in 2023. But ever since I got over the fear to have hurt them there, I then keep getting fears related to his image and thinking „but what if I had hurt them way earlier?“. Like just now I was recalling the vacation I was on in 2022. I already had ocd there. And like suddenly I got scared „what if I had hurt the person while I was on vacation there?“ bc I was in the same room as them there. Not the exact same one, there was a door in between bc the room had a a room with a big bed too but I was sleeping on the couch. But now I keep thinking „but what if I was alone with them and then hurt them in this way and just forgot doing that?“, but no matter how much I think, I can remember almost everything from the vacation and being in that room. I also know I once was in the room with the bigger bed. But I can’t recall being alone there. I was always there with my sister. She was often around the other person, I was barely around them and especially not alone. And like the person was always with my parents so there basically are no occasions that I could’ve been the only one around them. But I keep thinking „but what if I just forgot this?“, but the image that I had a while ago doesn’t even match the hotel room. And like this has happened multiple times already. Just constantly me thinking „but what if I did this here or way longer ago?“, but there are simply no occasions this could’ve happened. And wouldn’t I at least have some memory to doing this since I seem to have a ton of other memories? And now I’m scared that the images are suddenly memories but I never remembered this and I also don’t have any actual clear picture of that just the old image that I always have.

I struggle most with harm OCD+real event+false memories. The mental rumination gets exhausting. I constantly beat myself up over past mistakes and will fill in the pieces I don’t remember with the worst case scenario. I self soothe by reminding myself I am not a bad person and my worries are disproportionate to the actual situation due to the fact I struggle with OCD. But I quickly get interrupted with an intrusive thought telling me “it is that bad and you’re pinning it as OCD to down play it and avoid accountability”. Anyone else struggle with this?

I guess this post is just a rummage of thoughts. I have been wondering lately as to why some people respond well to medication and others do not. Im also very curious as to the real reason SSRI's work. Could there possibly be a hormone it works on that hasn't been found yet. Im not buying the seratonin theory. First, Psychiatrist are not doing bloodwork to see peoples seratonin levels before prescribing drugs. 2.) If it just low seratonin why does SSRI's not cure OCD? A lot of people who take SSRI'S only see a mild decrease in symptoms. Even at high dosages.Im interested in the data coming out on GABA. If they can see that the brain behaves abnormal during screenings what is causing so much misfiring. Why do some people develop it as children, while others have an onset later in life? Besides Pandas. More importantly for children who contract it during strep, why does it normalize. Its weird that one bout of strep could permanently damage your brain, especially one that is still forming. I would have thought it would autocorrect. Why are more women diagnosed than men? Like I said just thinking.

I could use some advice or encouragement. I made it 33 days without a genuinely bad ocd day. Every day was hard and almost a constant battle, but I was winning those battles and refraining from going into my ocd stories for the most part. Then yesterday, after a great morning, I got triggered and decided I needed to engage an ocd story I have about the possibility that I harmed someone through negligence two years ago. I had dealt with this fear before and decided it was ocd, but it tricked me into considering it yesterday, and I spent about seven hours off and on going over the same details, trying to reassure myself I was okay. When my wife came home and I told her how bad I had done she just gave me a blank expression. I think after sixteen years of dealing with my ocd, she’s out of sympathy. But she was disappointed, I could tell. So was I. I feel so ashamed of having given in to rumination. But I still feel anxious that I need to “figure it out.” I’m just so tired of this disorder. I want to be well. I want to be my old funny self. I want to talk to people and laugh. I’m scared I’ll never get better and that I’ve ruined my kids’ lives by neglecting them to obsess. I feel so tired, alone, depressed, and hopeless.

Hi all, I’m really having a hard time with my OCD. I start ERP therapy on Friday, I had an intake session last week. I had a horrible OCD episode that knocked me off my feet last April and made my life so small. I lost my Nana, who was dying a slow death from cancer and I obsessed over this and criticized myself so much and started having existential obsessions. I worried if I loved her too much or not enough and it made me sick. I’m an artist, I stopped making art because I was having doubts and intrusive thoughts that I’m a bad person and I’m not truly an artist. I stopped doing freelance, which was my entire income. Then I got my dream job at a museum, then I started having doubts about deserving a good life and “living a lie”. Then I started obsessing over my sexuality and my relationship. Terrified that I can never get married or have kids because of my OCD. I was abused as a child and have a lot of shame about myself and also fear of trusting people. As a kid I dealt with horrible intrusive thoughts, as well as obsessions about my health that took so much of my childhood from me. The thing that scares the living crap out of me is many of these recovery stories where people had to “let go” of their entire lives and entire selves in order to get better. I feel like I’ve worked really hard to give myself a chance at life and I’m following my dreams, but I feel like OCD derailed those plans. So in order to get better, do I have to give those dreams up for good? I’m so scared. Would love to hear from someone who is in recovery or anyone who has similar fears.

Hello all! I just listened to an incredibly enlightening episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit called “when OCD and PTSD collide.” It was so validating to realize that PTOCD is a thing. Being able to identify with it and realizing there’s additional therapeutic techniques to seek out to address it was such a relief. Wondering if anyone else has listened to it!

Has anyone dealt with losing a parent while in your 20’s? 2 months ago was the worst day of my life. My mom had been battling an incurable brain cancer for 2 years. Her condition got really bad a little more than 2 months ago. She declined quickly and two months ago today, I watched her be unconsciously carried out on a stretcher out of my house and then a few hours later pass away. It has hit me hard and I still get these bad memory flashbacks of all the bad things I experienced. Has anyone dealt with this? I feel so alone and I don’t like to ask for help. It’s been 2 months and no one really checks on me. I’m trying to keep it together but some days it’s just so hard.

Having ocd makes me always think the worst and that the only explanation is that I did something horrible. I have had 2 incidents over the years that have made my life miserable. I guess they are real events and possibly false memories as well. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I went about my morning tasks. When I went back upstairs to my room he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 so he could talk but not fully yet and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪The other was years later when my daughter was younger she used to crawl into bed with me at night alot. One night I woke up to her saying “mommy” and I was really tired so I just remember saying “sorry” and moving over and going back to sleep. I know it was probably nothing more than I just rolled over on her or something like that but my ocd keeps telling me I must have done something horrible. I don’t want to live thinking I could have done something horrible. It has made my life so hard to live. Now all these years later since my memory has faded my ocd tells me maybe I was drinking and just don’t remember doing something horrible . People without ocd probably wouldn’t think much about these situations and would just shrug them off as weird things kids do and say or that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes the worst possible scenario out of everything and makes me hate myself and living. 😞

I read multiple articles on false memory ocd an now I’m confused. I actually thought that false memory ocd is marked by things that are actually completely fabricated by the brain. But I keep seeing things like „an event that may or may not have happened“, does this mean that it could actually be true? Are there any ways how to find out if what you’re going through is real if it’s an actual bad act? Because for me I have been completely focused on false memory ocd lately and while I was ruminating on another one, I suddenly got an image of sth even worse that could maybe be like 7 or 8 months ago. I never remembered this happening and for months I’ve been convinced I had never hurt anybody but then I got this image. I instantly also thought that this didn’t happen and that I would definitely remember if it had happened because it’s actually horrible and it’s not just something you would quickly do and then completely forget, it’s an actual entire act. And I never was close to that person. But I keep being like „but what if I listened to my intrusive thoughts? But I can’t remember doing that and I even have posts on here from around that time saying I was too afraid of that person and that I would never ever listen to my intrusive thoughts… but what if I tried to get rid of my ocd theme by doing this? Nah that’s not what I would do and I know that… I’ve never done any harmful things just to get rid of this theme this is stupid“ etc etc. Like I keep fearing I might’ve done this and done it for various reasons. But I can’t actually remember doing it. All those scenarios feel like they’re just imaginations. But I can’t let go of it. And usually for memories it’s that with time you start to be able to puzzle it all together trough evidence and u don’t forget bad things you’ve done. For example, I know that like a year ago I pushed my sister while I was having an argument with her. I remember everything from then because in my entire life I’ve barely ever done anything to others and so I usually remember those events almost 100% perfectly. I also remember sth from almost 10 years ago in which I called one of my friends (and ik this is bad, that’s why I remember it) fat. I lost a few details but I still remember what exactly I did and that the exact same day I called the parents and apologised bc I felt bad. But for this scenario, I’ve been ruminating on it for TWENTY days and I’m still in the doubting stage. I have spent hours ruminating by now and I still don’t have any actual memories back, just things like „but what if I was mad and then just did this and instantly forgot about it?“ and all this. But not an actual full scenario of me doing this even though it could only be a few months away. Idk what To do, I can’t continue living with the uncertainty. If it’s real, then I won’t even continue living. People like these are terrible and disgusting and don’t deserve living and everybody can agree on that.

Or do they only show up in „what if I did this and that?“ and then create an image? Bc a few weeks ago I was ruminating on another false memory and suddenly I had an even worse image and started obsessing over this but now I’m scared that it’s an actual memory bc it was an image even though I can’t remember doing that and it could only be a few months ago

This passed December I was diagnosed with severe OCD and it hit me like a whirlwind after watching a movie and then thinking that everything isn’t real and that I am in a simulation like the “don’t worry darling” movie. This was very distressing to me because I was a person who read her bible everyday and every night and then would talk to God through prayer a lot and when this happened it was very difficult for me to pray or open my bible because I thought nothing was real and I made up God in my mind or the person controlling me did to make me think this is real. Shortly after that happened I started having harm thoughts of “oh well if this is isn’t real you could harm someone and then wake up or you would realize if it was or wasn’t real?” like in the “don’t worry darling movie” “Or I am going to have to harm myself to find out or being in Heaven would be way better?” Which ultimately led to crying spells everyday feeling like I was going crazy. I then went to the hospital and got diagnosed and am going through ERP/ACT therapy currently but those thoughts are still very active. And even though my thoughts are active and seem very real I know that there is power in prayer no matter what my thoughts are thinking, so please pray for me to get through this and heal. It’s very hard to see a light. Thank you for reading this and hearing me.

A few months ago I had a bad episode where I was sitting next to my mum having intrusive thoughts and I disassociated and put my finger in her vagina. Atleast I think this happened. My mum says it didn’t happen and it’s all in my head. It took me months to get over this happening and now my ocd has latched onto something new and is saying that I raped her again. I don’t know if this happened and I’m trying to practice radical acceptance but it’s hard. I just want to figure it out. I want to know if this definitely happened or didn’t. It hurts me to think I might’ve done something this awful. Please leave any tips on dealing with this in the comments below.

Let's me start by saying I already have a solid mental health team (psychiatrist and therapist). I also am officially diagnosed with hypochondria, GAD, panic disorder, and ptsd. I have had SEVERE anxiety all my life, especially health anxiety, it has made me completely housebound before in the past but I'm having new symptoms and they are scaring me. Has anyone here ever had this same fear obsession? I feel like my brain is fried, my thoughts feel scrambled, I just feel so out of it. I feel like I can't think, I feel lethargic, I have become super sensitive to everything, anything triggers a fear response in me, I can't concentrate, some days | feel so restless that i just want to crawl out of my skin. I feel like I've become socially awkward and more self conscious. I feel like I am having trouble forming sentences and carrying on conversations and I'm not sure if it's because i have become so hyperaware of what I'm saying because i am always on the look out for symptoms like "disorganized speech" and stuff. I'm constantly having mind pops of completely random memories, I'm having racing thoughts and so many more symptoms. I just don't feel like me anymore ): I feel like I will never be normal again, but at the same time I can't even remember what normal is like. I have been deep in this schizophrenia obsession for about 5 months now. If anyone can relate, please comment.

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

I have a really awful event. One that required a lot of non-OCD related confessions to my gf. It happened 4 years ago. I don’t really consider any of my thoughts around this event to be OCD related, because it was actually THAT BAD, and I actually should feel the things I’m feeling. The problem that keeps coming up is my urge to confess more details. The thing I did wasn’t one event, but a series of awful events. My girlfriend doesn’t want to know anymore details. She says no matter how bad it is, she doesn’t want to know anymore. I keep getting memories of details that I’m worried would end our relationship if she knew. I’ve confessed so many awful details and she hasn’t left me yet, but there are so many genuinely terrible things that I thought, felt, intended, and acted on. With the thought that revealing a detail could end my relationship, how am I not supposed to confess? I feel like I am tricking her and she doesn’t understand the full extent of my depravity. When she looks at me with love I feel sick and unworthy. She doesn’t want me to confess anymore, my therapist doesn’t want me to confess anymore, and these memories are just sitting in my head, eating away at my soul. I feel so alone. I feel like most of you can probably guess the nature of what I did and might not appreciate me posting about it here. I’m sorry, I just need someone to talk to…

I’m always waiting for the next horrible event to happen, and it’s sapping the joy out of my good days. I’m just waiting for the next time the house needs a major repair, or I’m waiting for the next family member to die horribly (even though no one is sick right now). I’m waiting for the next time my relationship takes a dive due to miscommunication. I’m preventing myself from making art my career because I’m convinced I’ll just mess it up, or I’m convinced no one would pay actual money for something I’ve made. I won’t go back to school because I’m convinced I’ll fail again, or worse, I’ll be too focused on myself to take care of my family. I’m so sure that everyone I’m close with in my life secretly hates me, and I know it’s the OCD but some days I’m just waiting for them to tell me I’m right, or I’m waiting for them to all leave me. I know I’ve felt joy, love, and acceptance at one point in my life, but those warm feelings don’t reach my heart when I’m stuck waiting for the next moment life kicks the chair out from under me.

I've been doing with real event ocd for some time now. I get "I don't deserve" thoughts about literally everything and I've had enough. They're still freaking there after so much time, and I've been practicing mindfulness, acceptance and exposure therapy. I'm tired of going through my life every 10 seconds "you don't deserve this" or "you don't deserve that", what's actually going to stop these thoughts. I know whatever you resist persists but common give me a break, there's got to be a better way.

My ocd is in a spiral. My passed away on December 30th and it’s been taking a tole on me. She was sick for a year and half. Couple months before she was diagnosed with cancer I basically told my teachers a lie saying she was I’ll in order to take my exams early so I can go home early. She had diabetes at the time and she’s a single parent but my mind wasn’t solely set on her being sick from on it while I was sending out the emails. Even she was on board with me telling them that she’s basically sick because she gave me a document that shows she’s scheduled for a colonoscopy. But still it isn’t right.!I feel so bad because as soon as I said that a couple months later she gets diagnosed with colon cancer stage 3. There’s this spiritual saying that you’re tongue is powerful, and it truly is. Now I’m having a hard time sleeping. I can’t even grieve without my ocd having multiple episodes. Everyday it’s something new. My ocd is now saying I basically killed my mother and I wished sickness on her. Please help me I cannot go to this funeral nor live with this hanging on my shoulders.