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my thoughts are based on real events that i remember so when i have what ifs it's that what keeps me reeled in, i'm trying to push through the intense feelings it's just so hard

I just came across a news article and it said a mom pushed her baby off a counter on purpose and it was caught on tape. It was disturbing to see fr and it’s making me panic because I babysit a lot, what if I did that to my nieces or what if I would do that to my nieces 💔 I hate OCD so much.

I downloaded this app yesterday hoping to find a bit of comfort among other people struggling with the same things. I’m really scared to post but I’m trying anyway. I have two really bad intrusive thoughts that make my life very difficult. One is this intrusive memory of when I was dog sitting when I 14. I was impatient so I pulled on the dogs leash (as his owner said I could tug on it and he would come). But he didn’t move and think I pulled way too hard and I’ve been wracked with guilt. This was 5 years ago and it still haunts me. I can hear the dog coughing and I think it was from me pulling too hard. About 6 months later he passed away and I fear greatly that something i did caused it even though he was old. In my head I wonder if I’m a truly evil person to hurt something smaller and less powerful than me. I didnt intend to hurt him but I worry I hurt him more than I know. It haunts me. I go over and over the memory in my head with seeing which parts are really, wondering if I’m evil. I also deal with POCD. I am in college currently but I feel like I’ve aged ten years since the onset of my symptoms. It’s taken my joy and innocence from me. I just want to live a good life and be a good person but my brain is malfunctioning. In addition I am frustrated bc my psychiatrist did not diagnose me with OCD but said all my symptom were due to GAD even though I meet all of the requirements including cycles of intrusive thoughts and compulsions( though mine are mostly mental). It’s difficult not having an official name for what I going through.

Hello everyone, I just started going to the university psychologist and she told me she is going to test me about having anxiety and stuff but I haven’t told her that I think I may have ocd and that I want her to tell me if the possibility is real and that I have ocd or not. I didn’t tell her because it was my first session and I don’t trust her enough for me to open and really talk about what is happening to me The issue is that, everyday I think i do better but then my mind thinks/ says/ makes me feel like something happened and I just didn’t realize, but the feeling is there On my session I met her and she met me, and at one point I told her that I have intrusive thoughts and the feeling that I have hurt people without realizing, but not remembering it, not feeling it, and she told me that intrusive thoughts are intrusive! Opposite to who I am, and that I shouldn’t be worrying about accidentally hurting people when I know deep inside I didn’t, and that if they get mad for nothing is their problem, not mine The issue is that, idk if someone else struggles with this but my real/false memories are not about “not remembering having told horrible things to your best friend two years ago” are about, “physically having hurt someone two seconds ago when I stretched my hand, even though I didn’t feel the hitting, I asked them if I got them hit and they said no, and that is impossible to my hand to reach the person because there is two meters of difference between us” Or maybe, another situation to example my fear Let’s say that someone is on the corner of a room. I enter the room and sit in the other opposite corner of the room, while I sit a vivid image of me traveling to the other corner of the room and slapping the person pops in my head and now I’m convinced that I hit the person even though I don’t remember standing up from the chair, walking to the corner and slapping the person, there is just the mental image and the feeling that I did it that convinces me that I did that and now I’m ashamed to the person I supposedly hit and I can’t look them into their eyes Idk if I explained myself (English is not my maternal language) but I really, really don’t know if someone is having the same “intrusive false memories” that are immediately and that makes you have 0 trust in your senses

Feel my ocd is getting worse. Lately feel paranoid sometimes. Guy pulls up to gas his car up at the pump I was using, there was an open pump but he’s behind me I’m just about done. His buddy was doing something by another pump he gave him a honk he came back over to talk. They were foreign. I started to feel like they were doing something and now it’s what I’m thinking about. The paranoia feeling is bad and then thinking about it. Can OCD do that…..

How can you tell the difference between actual memories and false memory OCD? I try to do this but every time I do it my mind wonders off

I have my first therapy apt Monday - looking forward to it! However, I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD. I’m advocating for myself and hoping to figure out what all is going on so I can learn correct coping techniques to get better! I guess I’m writing this to maybe see if anyone can help me understand or can relate!? I had my first panic attack a few months ago! After a few weeks my mind got scared that feeling anxious and stressed out was going to make me become schizophrenic or some insane situation. I somewhat got over that fear after several months of everyday panics about it. Now I’m in a loop and scared everyday that I’m “stuck”. I felt like I was experiencing dereliction and things weren’t real. And my mind takes off with that feeling everyday and feeds me these constant ‘what if’ thoughts and make things seem real. I am worried and in tears off and on everyday. It’s like a tug of war because I know it’s not true but in that same breath I feel like it’s real and true! It’s exhausting and scary! Can anyone relate? Does this sound OCD related? Thanks so much! Hugs to everyone ❤️

Honestly, I relapsed so hard these days. I can´t keep my mind free of intrusive thoughts. My mind always come up with something I did or I think I did that makes me feel Iḿ the worst person ever. I feel super ashamed and guilty. I can´t stand it anymore. Im crying in my bed right now, out of frustration.

sometimes when I read all these posts I just start crying 😭😭 I hate that we are all suffering like this… ocd is not for the weak and its so frustrating 😭 Im really tired honestly… my ocd has its good and bad days but im just exhausted by all of it. I cant enjoy simple things because my ocd has to overcomplicate every little thing and create these “signs” as to what I am and what I am not. Ive had ocd for over a year now im a just upset 😭😭😭 I dont want to live like this forever… I have a lot of people who say, “you can talk to me if you want” and its really sweet 💓 but I dont think anyone can understand what I am feeling because even I cant… I dont know what im doing- how im feeling- who I am- or even what my values are 😭 ocd just makes me question everything. I am a 14 year old girl 😭😭😭 how am I supposed to know what to do? Ive talked mom about my ocd a few times and she tries to help but she doesn’t even understand 1/5th of what I go through daily. I appreciate her caring even if its a little but I just want some help 😭😭 I am a bit scared of therapy though. But im willing to try but im not sure if my mom will let me… Ocd just makes me feel so unlovable. I hate it.

I’m kinda going through a crisis with real even ocd . So basically me and my now bf had started dating back in December of 2020 but that only lasted 2 or 3 days and then we eventually dated again in may of 2021 and been together ever since . Okay back to December of 2020 I was a cashier at dollar tree and this man asked me if I play call of duty . I honestly don’t rmeber how it went . The convo since it was 3 years ago . So I wrote down my gamer tag. I think he was trying to flirt with me I seriouksy don’t remember how the convo went but I think he was trying to get at me if you know what I mean . but all I know is I remember writing my gamer tag down and giving it to him but I did not add him back. I think I was fond of the gesture tho . But I’m trying to figure out did this happen while me and my bf was dating during only those 3 days . Back in 2020 of December . Bc I rmeebr it haponed around the same to but like did it happen before we decided to date even tho it only lasted 3 days . My cheating ocd is eating me up and guilt . I feel like I should break up with my bf . Mind you I have obessed with this and I think talked to my bf about this already and he said it’s fine don’t worry about it but what if it’s not really fine morally even tho I can’t remember when I gave that boy my Gamertag. And by dating I mean being in a relationship *********

i hate ocd i hate the control it has i hate the inability to distinguish real from fake i hate the immense guilt i hate it feeling like a horrible person

Nothing can shake off the guilt. I don’t start therapy for a couple weeks. I’m almost non functional, what can I do

I was just wondering can OCD switch between two specific themes. Recently my theme had changed from false memories (reassurance) to obsessing over news(Russia and the potential draft) and now it has switched back to my original theme while the new one is still subtext in my mind. Is this common and does anyone have any advice (I’m seeking out NHS talk therapies as don’t have the money for anything else)

Hi, I have so many consequenses that it feels impooasible to describe my near past, specially the last five years where my entire life turned upside down due to the cresensdo in the last part before I got help. I have a hard time believing people will believe me and my story- its so much to rebuild? Anyone who recognize this and have experience?

I am not educated that well with the different types of OCD. But being here opened me up to it all. I am struggling with intrusive thoughts and i can’t stop thinking of those thoughts until i physically feel ill or nauseous. I struggle with getting over things that has hurt me especially when I see the people who have hurt me the flashbacks always come. I am not sure if this is a form of OCD. I just can’t stop thinking of the certain thing and I feel as if I am self sabotaging myself when I have good things in-front of me because my intrusive overthinking thoughts will not stop.

but does anyone else’s intrusive thoughts and false memories get worse during the night or like as soon as the sun sets? it’s gotten to a point now where i dread the sun setting because ik it’s gonna be worse. i don’t know if this has anything to do with ocd??

I have extreme fear of rabies and it triggered my usually bearable ocd to the point i cant function normally. Whenever I pass by something on the ground resembling a bat my brain tells me its a bat and that I have touched it with my hand and that I have rabies now. Sometimes I take a photo of potential triggers to be sure I wont ruminate later aka ask myself what if it was this or that and i just look at the photo i took and be sure its nothing. The triggers are also becoming harder to bear everytime, for example 3 days ago it was night and I saw something small and dark on the ground and didnt see it clearly, phone was almost dead and i couldnt take a photo of it, probably wouldnt anyway because there were two people nearby so i just left myself a note in the phone that it was nothing and I didnt touch it, but you guessed it, my brain says its a bat and that i touched it, creating a false memory and now i feel like i cant know what actually happened..rn i cant think of anything but being terrified of dying of rabies because i cant trust my memory. I feel like Im going crazy

Can anyone share any success stories from doing ERP therapy and anything else that may have helped you? I understand now that I've probably had OCD most of my life, but getting started and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel are two completely different things. I really want to recover from this. Mine stems mostly from real events, but I have other themes as well.

I'm terrified that my biggest fear happened on a night I drank too much and blacked out. I now keep finding/looking for evidence to try and prove/disprove and it's terrifyingwhen I find something that supports the belief. Does anyone else experience this. So angry with myself for letting myself drink to this point. Have been so depressed

I struggle most with harm OCD+real event+false memories. The mental rumination gets exhausting. I constantly beat myself up over past mistakes and will fill in the pieces I don’t remember with the worst case scenario. I self soothe by reminding myself I am not a bad person and my worries are disproportionate to the actual situation due to the fact I struggle with OCD. But I quickly get interrupted with an intrusive thought telling me “it is that bad and you’re pinning it as OCD to down play it and avoid accountability”. Anyone else struggle with this?