Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hi I got my OCD 3 months back after watching a horror movie as I connected that movie with my past experience. Does any one enjoy horror movies who could help me to break my OCD by watching that movie. Kindly let me know

If I was 13 years old, and I made a severely horrible childhood POCD mistake that I was told about earlier in the day, but had forgotten about it because I had never heard of that mistake or done it before, should I be punished for it as a 23 year old?Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 22... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that she doesnt remember it, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I was told what this word was, but I had forgotten it... I did not have full knowledge or full understanding on how horrible this mistake was... I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭  It’s making me feel like I know I’m a P or a chomo when I don't ever want to ever be those things… I perform avoidance compulsions all the time and I don’t want to be anywhere around kids… even accidentally standing next to one makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and anxious… it’s making me feel like that I know I’m what my POCD and real events OCD are telling me even when a former ocd psychiatrist has told me that the real events don’t make me a P or a chomo… In addition it’s making me feel like I’m what my ocd tells me that I am… I didn’t know how horrible the real events were at the time when I was 13… I really didn’t… my POCD and real events OCD keeps calling me a P and a Chomo for what happened when I was 13 when I didn’t know what any of that stuff was… I truly didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t…  It’s making me think I am a rapist because of the real events too… my POCD just keeps telling me that I’m a P or a chomo or in worst case a child r*pist when I don’t ever want to ever be those things in any way 😭😭😭

I was listening to some podcasts on OCD and heard that a lot of times OCD can be triggered from a traumatic event. Looking back I can say I’ve always had OCD tendencies but it didn’t get really debilitating until a few years ago when my dad became a late in life alcoholic and drug addict. This event traumatized me in many ways including almost all of my OCD fears and compulsions today. I know it’s up to me to learn to manage my OCD but on days when I’m having a hard time trusting when someone says they’ll come back at a certain time and start to freak out and check their location or ask over and over where they are I can’t help but be so angry about where a lot of these fears stemmed from and why they might have such a grip over me. It might seem selfish but it’s how I feel.

I keep spiraling into these “what if” thoughts, particularly about things I might have done to family members in the past ( like what if i s@’d them), which I honestly don’t remember. Out of concern, I asked a friend to check in with my little brother about whether I'd ever made him uncomfortable (they asked him over text), but the response wasn’t what I hoped for (he told me my friend was asking some questions and how they thought i was a bad person). I also left my brother a note, but he never answered. I feel completely lost. I genuinely want to talk to a therapist about these feelings and the guilt that’s consuming me, but my parents are hesitant due to a previous therapy session where I shared too much about our family dynamics. Right now, I’m feeling isolated and worried about what I might have done in the past, and these thoughts are affecting my daily life and with school coming back i dont think i can honestly do it anymore.  I’m even having some dark thoughts and contemplating overdosing. Idk how to cope or honestly if i want to if my “what if” thoughts are real i know noone would want me alive its honestly disgusting My parents told me they would’ve known if I did or my baby cousins parents but I can’t stop thinking like what if I just did it in secret and they didn’t know or what if I did it and I forgot and they forgot idk what to do I feel at a loss.

Hey everyone, I'm hoping to share my story in hopes of finding some understanding and maybe some advice. When I was around 8-10 years old, my older brother showed me something explicit that impacted me deeply. Fast forward to ages 13-14, and I started having some confusing feelings and impulses related to smelling and licking underwear belonging to my brother and dad. No matter how hard I’ve tried, I can't seem to shake off those thoughts or these behaviors. Things took a turn for the worse when I made a mistake involving some inappropriate photos from a friend. I sent pictures of my friend's behind because I was trying to impress someone and wanted photos from a 17-year-old I was interested in (i would also beg for photos from him). Unfortunately, He  later told me that he had manipulated me the whole time, keeping me in a "loop of mystery." Honestly my overtly sexual behavior over text caused rifts in my friendships (even though I'm so shy in person), and while some people managed to forgive me, there’s still one friend who's upset and won’t let it go (rightfully so honestly) Since then, I’ve struggled to connect with people at school, as I’ve been overly flirtatious and it seems to have made others uncomfortable. The guilt from these moments is overwhelming, and I think it might have triggered something like obsessive-compulsive disorder (though I haven’t seen a doctor yet). I keep spiraling into these “what if” thoughts, particularly about things I might have done to family members in the past ( like what if i s@’d them), which I honestly don’t remember. Out of concern, I asked a friend to check in with my little brother about whether I'd ever made him uncomfortable (they asked him over text), but the response wasn’t what I hoped for (he told me my friend was asking some questions and how they thought i was a bad person). I also left my brother a note, but he never answered. I feel completely lost. I genuinely want to talk to a therapist about these feelings and the guilt that’s consuming me, but my parents are hesitant due to a previous therapy session where I shared too much about our family dynamics. Right now, I’m feeling isolated and worried about what I might have done in the past, and these thoughts are affecting my daily life and with school coming back i dont think i can honestly do it anymore.  I’m even having some dark thoughts and contemplating overdosing. Idk how to cope or honestly if i want to if my “what if” thoughts are real i know noone would want me alive its honestly disgusting My parents told me they would’ve known if I did or my baby cousins parents but I can’t stop thinking like what if I just did it in secret and they didn’t know or what if I did it and I forgot and they forgot idk what to do I feel at a loss.

Any mamas or dads out there that have had intrusive thoughts about your children or false memories whether recent or long ago memories that you’ve done horrible things to them? How do you cope with the upsetting intrusive thoughts thoughts and the uncertainty of the false memories?

How do I forgive myself for things I did as a kid? Disgusting terrible illegal things? I’m grown and I would never do them now, but how do I move on?

I’m new here and I’m not sure what to ask, but I feel like I need to ask something. The first thing that come up is a recent experience I had with waking up in the middle of the night just thinking my life isn’t real, like not that nothing matters, but like actually not real. It was terrifying. Other times I’ll wake up in the middle of the night just spiraling thinking that I’m just a terrible person and I’m ruining my children’s lives and my husband would be able to manage things better if I was not here. Anyways, I was wondering if there was anyone else that has experienced things like this. And how you deal with these things. I’m not sure that I even have OCD but it is something that I keep thinking about. I don’t want to assume though so I’m just trying to reach out for some community and outside thoughts. Thanks.

this is honestly the worst summer of my life. i have intrusive thoughts almost constantly and when i tell myself i can get through this i get even worse intrusive thoughts to destroy me. and even worse, i cannot help but mumble, whisper, or even say my intrusive thoughts out loud sometimes. this is honestly ruining my life. i don’t even know what’s real anymore and what i do versus don’t do. my mind is convincing me i have done things or want to do things that i haven’t and don’t want to do. i can’t enjoy my vacation and honestly just want to go home.

hey guys, this is going to be long but i’m trying to heal and i really really would love advice. i’m looking for help with confession ocd in romantic relationships. my question is, how do i stop myself when i have the feeling “wow this is something i REALLY need to confess. no it’s actually important this time” even though the logical part of my brain is saying all it will do is probably cause an argument and isn’t important. how do you get past that feeling of “i HAVE to say this thing because they NEED to know?” that feeling of it being so important. another question is if you do confess and you struggle with false memory, i feel like a lot of the time i say “i might have” it “i think i…”. this feels unfair to my bf because he never knows what’s real and what isn’t and NEITHER DO I!!! most of the stuff i confess is from around 2 years ago, so small details i don’t remeber. false memories can also make literally anything feel real. so when i months later after confession remever the REAL answer (i DID do this when i said i MIGHT have) how to stop from RE confessing?? sorry this was so long but i’m really trying to heal and i REALLY need advice. thank you guys!!

What do you do when nothing feel right. Like for example I feel like everything triggers me, everything feels weird, sounds, actions, my room. I feel like i will go insane any second and I cant enjoy anything, I cant be happy about my upcoming new job or events. I have OCD about me having shizhophrenia and omg it has ruined my life, it has only been about 3 weeks, but it has got me complitely. I want my old self back and I am scared that my loved one will leave me bc i am not getting better. I really want a new theme as funny it sounds, because even 2 years ago harm OCD was't this hard. I feel like something in me is changing, but i dont want it 😭 I will start therapy in the end of August and I just started taking medication. But for now I cant imagine this stopping and I fear that it will go downhill from this, i cant see me doing better, because if i have a good day I rember how i felt yesterday or when I had a panic attack and I cant get enough of it, i always remember those feelings and I start to worry about it over and over again.

Hi! Okay so everyday I wake up and freak out that I am dying or going to die soon and then because I think that, I feel like I am manifesting it but I cannot stop getting intrusive thoughts about myself or someone I love dying. I also can’t get in my car and drive without thinking I hit someone and somehow just didn’t know? And then I will just wait anxiously and think police will show up at my door. And lastly, I live in the past and always think about all of my mistakes and I can’t forgive myself and keep thinking my past will come back to haunt me. Does anyone relate to anything I said? I think it would just help to know I am not alone.

TW🔴 Ive seen ALOT of posts on here lately surrounding this topic so i thought would post something to help. I’ve dealt with real events and false memory’s surrounding this topic but i tried to change my perspective and hopefully this helps any of you who have experienced or are experiencing something similar,so i personally believe people with OCD put WAY too much responsibility on themselves, so even IF you did see something that was bad/immoral, you wouldn’t of known, and it would have nothing to do with you and be the person who distributed the videos fault, another thing i remind myself is that it’s not immoral to take risks, we take risks every single day which is not immoral to do so, don’t put too much responsibility on yourselves , another thing is that most of these things have happened when we were children/teenagers and it’s not fair to ridicule yourselves for things that happened around that age. Another thing is that it’s very easy to get ourselves lost in the internet and we aren’t creating any of the content, just viewing it so you shouldn’t blame yourselves for seeing anything you thought was bad/immoral, it’s unfair on us and the people who post these things should be blamed, no one else. I wish all of you all the best and i hope this post helped to switch your perspectives on this kind of thing, keep up the good work ❤️

I tell myself so much that I don't believe in myself and that I feel like a bad person and that events of the past leave me greatly uncertain about who I am no thanks to OCD. When it comes to who I was as a teenager, to be honest, I was straight up fucking weird. I did weird things, I acted out, I wasn't good at socializing with people, and the more I try to look back into the events of the past, the more disturbed and disappointed I become. That just was not the person I wanted to be. I just wanna be able to put all of that aside and just be nice to myself. Be kind to myself and accept myself for who I am and just be confident. The thing is OCD doesn't let me. It feels like I'm not OWED to feel that way about myself or that I don't deserve to. Or that I need the permission of OCD to feel that way. I don't want it to be that way. I just want to be able to think positive about myself despite the past but that's next to impossible.

Last year my dad got Covid and I went to the movies a day after. I did not even test to see if I had it. Not maliciously for some reason it just didn’t cross my mind to take one. I wore a mask at the movies and only went because I thought it was low risk. I got sick a few days after. I could be the reason people are dead. I’m the same as drunk drivers who harm others due to being mindless. I deserve to be in jail. I deserve to never be happy again. I deserve to lose everything. And anyone who disagrees is just being illogical. I’m the only one who sees this logically it seems because people tell me I deserve to forgive myself when I don’t.

I've had some bad trauma in my teen years and it was enough for me to complete shut down when it happened. It was also followed up by a dude, unwanted exposure to pornography. The sad thing is on average people around the age of 13 are exposed to it, which I was. I'm not even gonna mince words. This stuff really fucked me up. It made me act out really badly online and in person. I talked to a lot of random people online and it was sexual and I was pretty mean to people in person from time to time. I don't even know why I was so mean, but I was. This stuff was really bringing out the worst in me and I was addicted to the content. I can't help but think about the memories and they make me extremely uncomfortable. I take no pride in my actions as a teenager not because I want to blame myself for it (although subconsciously I tend to) but because of all of this unresolved trauma. Questioning the positives of my life, low self esteem, insecurities, not letting go of the past, having trouble communicating with people, and how I feel about myself. It all stems from this and I think being bullied in childhood. I think what happened in my adolescence has more of an effect on me though. My whole life I didn't have OCD until 2020. The very same day I found old messages from years ago that were sexual involving a stranger online I didn't know. It gave me so much anxiety it felt like my mind physically change. And boy did it change for good. Ever since that day, I've had POCD and real events obsessions and they still stick to this very day. Could it be that OCD was some kind of amplified warning sign? A sign that I went through a really rough time when I was a teenager? I'm beginning to think that it was in some ways. This stuff hurts a lot and it's hurting my adulthood. I don't know what adulthood could have been like without OCD but all I do know is that I'm constantly thinking about this non-stop and it gives me a lot of shame and guilt along with unhealthy coping mechanisms that have hurt me many many times in the past. Even still, they're very hard to stop. Much like compulsions. All of this stuff still greatly bothers me to this day. It's the unresolved trauma that keeps me on edge and unable to just relax and be okay with myself.

Trigger warning: dreams about being attacked/ patterns/“ predicting” I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while. But dreams are a big part of my ocd, one of the big parts. A lot of my ocd types manifest in them a lot and lately I think I’ve blocked them out(?) but there’s always one dreams that comes to me every middle of the month. And it’s a dream about being attacked by the same heavy set man, with a blue shirt and I’m a younger version of me or me now. When I mean attack I mean he chases me around and attempts to “ass*lt” me but before he actually does it I wake up and I freak out every time. I have reason to believe that this exact thing will happen to be someday? Or even worse it happened to me in the past and I just don’t remember it. It’s sounds scary and ridiculous of course but the fact I have this dream so often it freaks me out and I feel like I need to look out whenever I’m out in public. Especially when I look for places that I find similar from my dream or people I think look similar not even the man himself. I know it’s probably just my head messing with me but having this dream obviously freaks me out. And I’m just waiting for it to happen. Does this happen to anyone else? I know you can’t really get rid of dreams but is there anything I can do?

Recently my OCD has been obscured by my MDD (major depressive disorder) I am only 14, it comes in episodes. I’m entering an episode, and i’m scared that, one day what if i don’t come out of the episode? not death, i have never considered that. I mean i have an eating disorder, bullimia, and i just am scared everything may just be starting to get worse. A lot of this is trauma induced after seeing my cousin attempt to slit her wrists, the blood and everything was very traumatic. I have never been the same.

I am 16, my name is marie. I am in desperate need of help. Here are afew of my stories. 1. and ever since I was 8, I want to say, I have struggled with POCD. I always felt like a predator to my younger niece and cousin. I’ve grown to hate her for solely no reason, and with my two other nephews that came along, I’ve also grown to hate them. Only because I don’t want to seem like a predator, even though it’s in my mind, do I want others to know I hate them and have no liking for them. There were other cases where it isn’t my niece and nephews and I just always had a hatred towards children I felt like if I actually had a bad experience with them I would’ve seriously harmed them. 2. I have no connection to watching Gore, or I was never exposed to Gore until the age of 12, which was a hard year for me. In 2019-2020, I believe it was when a complete stranger, Ronnie Mccnut, killed himself on a livestream, and people made it an internet meme for years after, and still to this day, I see it. I can’t remember if it affected me at 12, but that was the only time I saw it. Now, at 15, in March 2024, it came back to me. It feels like a curse. I’m just so tired. The same nightmare has been going on for months. Since March, it’s more just memories than just nightmares. It feels stupid because I don’t know the guy, but I always have nightmares of him, and I haven’t even seen the video since I was 12; ever since. I cannot sleep ever since I have had no proper sleep schedule and could only sleep when it was daylight at 6-7 a.m. and wake up at 2-3 p.m. My friend is not helping; she’s saying he’s spirit is attached to me, and I’ve lived thinking for the past few weeks that he was attached to me and wanting to curse me in some way and I felt like I had to kill myself/ felt like I was going to die the same way as him. I always had a fear that if I came to someone online and told them my intrusive thoughts, they’d always use them against me. My other friend who is diagnosed with OCD says I have all the symptoms and I just need to be treated. I can’t afford it, and I hate therapy.. my father is always involved for the consultation and laughed at me the last few times. I was forced into an eating disorder clinic from my narcissistic sister and that did not go well. Ohio health care is no help and they don’t care for you. 3. I don’t remember much but around age 14 to beginning of 15 I always felt the need to die, I felt like I needed to kill myself for everyone’s sake there’s no explanation for this one I was a normal kid I was going to school, good grades I have friends I was going to events I just had this task to having to kill myself, yes I’ve attempted a ton at the age of 14 and luckily I haven’t had any serious harm done to me. There is nothing more to say to this it’s a fuzzy memory.

I need to talk to someone, I basically believe that almost all I have experience to this point with my HOCD until now it was just OCD tricks and bullshit, but I have this one memory that it's killing me cause it happened before the HOCD, and it's me having a feeling like I could actually crush on a dude, I just had it for one moment one night, I'm not sure why, but I did had it, and this was before I had HOCD, I'm also pretty sure it's not a false memory and I don't know what to do