Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Anytime a see an image of my best friend I feel a moment down there or I feel huge or I feel like I’m about to get a boner please why is this so, it makes me feel lost.

Additional trigger warning topics of self harm I struggle with self harm. When I opened up to someone about my struggle with it they told me that my scars were so bad and that my future husband would have to see them. It hurt me really bad. I’m working on stopping and am in therapy to stop doing it. I’m honestly trying so hard. I’m now just afraid that because I have scars that look “bad” no one will love me. That was my best friend at the time who said those things abt my scars. Now I feel unlovable. My ocd tells me that I’m gonna die alone, and that no one will ever love me.

Today it feels real. I have my online boyfriend my current boyfriend who is perfect and right for me that I want to meet and marry soon. I'm tired of these ex thoughts. I don't want to be with my ex or do anything with my ex. I moved on and I'm happy being with my current boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I feel like a traitor and a cheater. Why is this happening why does it feel real. I'm hurt having these ex thoughts while being with my boyfriend. I'm tired of having to fight these ex thoughts time and time again. I love my current boyfriend I would never be with my ex or do anything that involves with my ex. I don't wanna lose my boyfriend. I'm trying everything I can to prove these thoughts that I don't want my ex. I'm hurt I'm lost. I'm this close to even ending my life because I keep having these ex thoughts while calling my boyfriend. I don't wanna view or think of my ex. I wanna think of my boyfriend. I'm scared. I'm tired. I don't wanna lose my boyfriend I don't wanna keep contuining this cycle. I want these ex thoughts to stop once in for all and let me be happy again with my current perfect boyfriend.

Hi everyone, so I’m way new to this kind of thing but I figured it might help to find more people that I can relate to as far as this part of my life goes. I will put a trigger warning for certain language regarding illness, violence, SH, COVID and obviously OCD. I was recently diagnosed with OCD, not really a specific kind just mixed obsessions and compulsions. Even so, I’ve known for a while that I might have OCD, my family did as well. I started having problems when I was about 11 when my whole family got sick with a virus, since then my whole life revolves around this disorder. Where to begin, I guess I’ll start with my fears, I think the better question would be; what don’t I fear, but my main fear would be illness. I know that this is usually linked with contamination OCD and that I deal with that kind of OCD the worst. I’m terrified of getting sick, specifically regarding illness that affects the gastrointestinal system but any sickness is scary. Since I was 11, I’ve had this crippling fear that controls my school life, work life, my diet, my friendships, relationships, my home life, the medicine I will take and treatments I will allow, and overall, my happiness. On top of having OCD I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), I believe that both of these, although having a genetic factor, are severely worsened by my OCD. Things only got worse when COVID happened. It was like the world was ending and honestly I wish it had because that would’ve been easier. My fear was solidified during those years. On top of not wanting to interact with anyone, I lost someone very important to me from complications due to COVID. I miss this person greatly, and going through that grief was immense putting my fear at its peek. With that being said, I also deal with intrusive thoughts that are violent in nature, sometimes to others, mostly to myself. Those thoughts can be anywhere from hatred, disgust, anger, and just straight violence. I have lots of shame surrounding the intrusive thoughts I have because it’s hard for me to recognize that those thoughts aren’t a reflection of my real feelings of others or myself. I also have a hard time in relationships, including friendships, because I constantly question my feelings toward that person, not knowing how to differentiate between the intrusive thoughts I have about them and the actual feelings I have for them. During this time, I’m growing and learning new things about myself, exploring my sexuality and gender as well and becoming who am I today. I’m 18 now and a senior in high school and I feel like I’ve missed so much of my teenage years hiding from the world in fear. In person schools are hell for me, when I go I’m constantly on edge, overwhelmed with the fear of sickness and people and even just breathing the air that the other students breathe. Being there makes it so hard to learn, think, or complete assignments and because of this, my education looks a lot different from most. I’m in an online school, it’s still a public school but online. This school has been a positive experience for the most part, I can learn and get good grades that I couldn’t before, it also gives me a sense of independence and control of my education. However, it also means I miss out on a lot of things. My school does hold a prom and graduation for students but I have no friends at this school because most people aren’t here to socialize but to get an education and move on. So, I’ve never been to a prom, my only friend lives in a different state than me, I don’t experience parties or sneaking out or relationships outside of the non-serious ones I had in middle school, overall, this disorder has made me very lonely. My parents are amazing, they truly do their best to accommodate to me but they will never understand the extent of what I go through. I never want them to fully understand what it’s like to have OCD the way I do. I wouldn’t wish this disorder on anyone. They have gotten me doctors that want to help me and a great therapist but I still struggle. I will say in recent months I’ve been making some progress however there are still bad days. I understand that this disorder is for life but I hope that one day I can live in spite of it. I often think back to a time where life was so much more enjoyable because I wasn’t constantly anxious. I miss a time where I was living instead of surviving. I hope that this app can do me some good, I’m an adult now and I want to change how I’m living. I want to find more independence and happiness and most importantly, peace of mind that everything will end up okay. Now, this is only a summary of my story but I hope that if you got this far you understand that you aren’t alone in this. We aren’t alone. - Jay (he/him)

Okay so, I know ocd has prevented me from basically doing anything I used to do… but I also have had a lot of eye opening moments to what I see is or isn’t okay. Me and my partner have had issues with porn and shit in past, which has contributed to me not feeling ok about certain scenes in movies, like even if before ocd I used to watch whatever scene/movie with my bf, and we used to not care, porn is a big reason as to why I have chosen for us to not watch Sex/sexual scenes, strip club scenes, nudity, etc… I made it a rule when I had ocd , but just because I made that a rule doesn’t mean that it’s the only reason why. I shouldn’t have to be “ok” with certain scenes in movies, not everyone in life can watch that stuff without having their soul affected. I’m also religious and feel that certain things are wrong, so there’s a few reasons as to why we don’t do that now, but ocd is trying to tell me it’s a compulsion and that I’ll never get over ocd because of it. Like I think people are aloud to have change of opinions , yes when I made that rule part of it was because I was worried about triggers but there’s also that because of past issues I don’t want either me or my bf engaging in those types of scenes, no I’m not being immature (my own Nan skips past anything like that) we are religious and see certain things differently than others. On top of that because I used to watch like cardi b music vids and shit where she is just being a slut the whole way through in EVERY music video, I used to love her music and songs and shit, I still listen to her occasionally but just because I used to watch stuff like that doesn’t mean I should have to just to “get over ocd” yes part of it is about preventing being triggered, but also is a respect thing to myself, my partner, and Jesus and my relationship. I know lots of people wouldn’t give a shut about that stuff, but I do! It affects my soul. We are all brainwashed into thinking that people making videos like that is right, I’m sorry it’s not. I get that there may be some music videos I watch that may have certain things that pop up, but I can CHOOSE to look away like my partner does if there’s like twerking or something in it, but when I just KNOW the whole music video is going to be something that affects my soul or I feel Is disrespectful to my partner, myself and our relationship, (I wouldn’t like him watching a music video like that) I shouldn’t have to do that as an exposure right???? Exposures should be things that are normal like going to the shops, or public places for example. just because before in the past I didn’t see an issue with stuff like that doesn’t mean my opinion can’t change on that stuff??? As I said why would I do something I wouldn’t like him doing? It’s hard for me to sometimes know wrong from right because ocd fucks with my head, but sometimes I rely on other peoples insight like my mum or partner because I can’t think for myself at times… anyway all I’m saying is just because I used to fo that stuff before I REALISED how it affected my soul and stuff, I shouldn’t have to just be “ok” with it just because I used to, I just don’t want to think this is a compulsion and that I won’t ever get ocd with this mindset because that’s what OCD is telling me…. I don’t want to play it’s games anymore, but I also shouldn’t have to “expose” myself to sexual/slutty content/material just to “get over ocd” I’ll repeat again I have been a lot closer to god through this and feel certain things are just wrong like those scenes or certain music videos. Any Christian’s maybe similar to me, can give me some perspective?

i don’t know if this falls under a specific theme or is even related to ocd. if someone could help me out i would really appreciate it ever since i was younger, i’ve had really upsetting thoughts about losing my loved ones and it would get to a point where i vividly imagine their death scenes play out in my head and it’s started to effect me during a day-to-day basis. sometimes i even imagine myself dying and the imagery shows me how my friends and family react to my passing usually when i think of something happy, my brain enters this cycle where i begin to think of some upsetting and distressing moment and i cant help but think about it for the rest of the day i’ve had a common fear of death for a really long time, but it’s gotten really bad now is this a form of some intrusive thought? please let me know what you think

okay hi, so i am having awful thoughts that are just plaguing my mind. i got into a relationship almost 3 months ago and i got on nexplanon for birth control a little under 2 months ago and i think i am driving myself insane. like i’m having intense anxiety and i want it to stop. everything was fine until like 2 weeks ago, i was staying with my bf at an air bnb and i started overthink having sex and stuff. one of the things that i’m most afraid of is that i’m going to give him consent, we’re going to do stuff, and i’m going to realize that i didn’t really want to do stuff, and have weird feelings toward him even though i told him yes. but i know how to tell him when i don’t like something and i have before and i know how to tell him when i want to do stuff. i’m getting so hung up on a few moments when we had sex a couple of months ago and there was one instance where we both had sex and i forgot to ask his consent and afterwards he says “you didn’t ask my consent” and he was joking but that really bothered me and we talked about it and he said it didn’t bother him he was just making a joke. another time, we had sex and the opposite thing happened: he didn’t ask me for it and we talked about it and it didn’t feel like a violation and i know it wasn’t but i’ve been super anxious and depressed this last week and kind of driving myself into the ground worrying about this. i don’t want to ruin my relationship because i know that when i am rational, i am able to be like “no, that didn’t happen” but i’m scared and overthinking and i’m not rational right now. i don’t know what to do but all i feel is intense distress and anxiety and i want to get over this because i know the truth but i can’t stop spiraling. can anyone relate and help me? i feel like i’m losing it.

I’m in denial I really like this guy and I really want to tell him that I love him but he just does small talk with me I keep doubting what to text him I really wish I could just get a boyfriend and not have to deal with all of this

Hi. I was recently diagnosed with ROCD by my therapist. Which is a relief, because I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts in all my relationships, but even though I was in therapy, I had never been diagnosed and I didn’t know if there was a name for what I was experiencing. So, we are barely starting to work on it. I’m recently married to a man that has only showed me I can trust him, he re assures me and respects me. But I still tend to have the need to make sure all the time he’s not cheating or lying, paying attention to every single detail. At the same time I have the fear that I’ll ruin my marriage with my obsessions. I don’t want him to know about the diagnosis, cause I feel he’s gonna get scared and run away. Has anyone here recovered from ROCD? How’s life on the other side?

I have been struggling with pure ocd symptoms for years, constantly fighting with myself and ruining relationships because of things that aren’t real. I’m not physically strong and I’m introverted and quiet, yet I constantly have intrusive thoughts about hurting my friends and family. I’ve had sexual images pop into my head or my dreams about every person, relative, animal that I’ve ever known. At 14 I had my first sleepover, where I locked myself in the bathroom all night because I thought I’d hurt my friend in her sleep. It didn’t help that I didn’t understand I was gay and that liking her was normal. I thought I was sick and twisted. At 21 I did the same thing, I was dating a girl and at her birthday party we shared a room for the first time. Even though we slept on different sofas, I still didn’t trust myself so I stayed awake all night. At 22 I went to a tattoo place and a massive storm happened, where all the roads closed due to crashes everywhere, so I couldn’t get a taxi home. My tattoo artist let me stay on his sofa. For the next few weeks I had intrusive thoughts that we’d had sex, or that he had watched me sleep and done things to himself at the same time. At 22 I slept with someone I thought was out of my league. I convinced myself for weeks that I never got consent even though I did. At 23 I was home for Christmas and had to share a bed with my little sister. I begged my parents to let me have the sofa to myself. I’d been having multiple pocd intrusions for a couple of months. At 24 I’m in my first relationship and I still continue to have these nightmares about everyone I know. It makes me feel like I’ve been unfaithful. My partner doesn’t trust me either. She wakes up and tells me she’s had dreams of me cheating on her, whilst i did indeed, have dreams about cheating on her. After drinking heavily one night I blacked out, and convinced myself I’d cheated through false memories. Cheating is the worst thing in the world to me so why would I do it.

I feel less emotions now. Being stoic is different, and i feel like having less emotions. The more amount of emotions i feel normally now are sadness and irritation. Ocd takes a toll on a person. When the thoughts and images decrease, i still don't feel improvement in my condition. I am sure it takes time to get normal, but by then i relapse. This feels like a constant in my life now, and now i actually feel as if it's a part of me, and that i have to always fight it without any recovery. My relationship/singlehood life isn't any good either, and hocd just makes it worse. The thoughts and images are so frustrating, but when they decrease, i don't even know what to do then. It's as if i hsve forgotten how to live without struggling against ocd. I don't take meds. Meds feel like living well with ocd and not actually recovering from it. For the past 3 out 4 months i didn't take it meds, it still felt good and like progress in my recovery. I just want to defeat ocd and live my life as per my own choices.

hey everyone! so from July to start of November I had extremely intense rocd with intrusive thoughts compulsions and all, however now I feel that I hardly get the intrusive thoughts and now I’m just left with the lingering feeling and anxiety of not loving my partner. I think this is due to the fact I’ve had rocd thoughts for a while and now my brains almost in limbo ? I’m not sure what this is and I’m panicking as I don’t feel as much anxiety as I did with the thoughts, this is a major trigger for me as I want to feel attraction and for things to go back to normal but how can I get this lingering “I don’t live my partner” thought away, it seems like the only thing keeping me from recovering :)

Hey! Hello. I'm a guy from Spain who wants to help his girlfriend with OCD. Any advice? Lately, she's been struggling a lot with relationship ocd. She questions herself if she loves me or if I could want to be with other people... She doesn't even leave her house for fear of seeing other people and her body reacting as if she liked them. Excuse me if I made mistakes writting in english! Plus: If someone here talks spanish and want to share experiences with her, please let me know! It would be great if she could meet more people with OCD... Now she is creating her own account♡.

Does the idea of marriage scare anyone else? I’m 20 and have a bf of 2 years. Everyone around me is getting engaged, and although I love my bf, I’m not ready to get married. It causes me anxiety when I think about it. Anyone else?

My boyfriend showed me a video on Instagram with a person interviewing a couple on the street asking the guy if he’s okay with his girlfriend having male friends, trying to bait them into saying it’s not okay but they were just like no obviously that’s fine, and they said anyone who tries to control who you’re friends with is controlling and isn’t worth your time. This really triggered/upset me because my boyfriend has a female friend he’s known longer than me, but they’ve had feelings for each other on and off in the past. Over last year and the year before their feelings came up again and we had a rough time within our relationship with him being confused and me being insecure. Last summer he broke up with me (it ended up being temporary) and while we were broken up he hung out with this girl a lot and they kissed once. We later got back together and worked through it and he said that it made him realise it was me he wanted to be with. But basically I’m still really insecure as I always have been and my OCD focuses a lot on this girl and what they did etc. I have at times expressed that their friendship makes me uncomfortable, and before they’d kissed I know that he thought I was being controlling but I was just afraid of what would happen with their feelings, and then what I feared did happen. Now even though we’re stronger than before and he says he’s 100% sure it’s me he wants to be with and his feelings for her are gone, I still feel so insecure and ruminate on it all a lot and have compulsions relating to it. The words from this video “controlling” and “not worth your time” are going round and round my head and I’m so afraid that’s what he thinks of me or will come to think of me and that I’m a bad person, and I just can’t stop thinking about it. I cried with my boyfriend after seeing the video and he knew why and reassured me, but of course OCD doesn’t take reassurance. It sucks because I know it’s partly OCD, but it also feels like a genuine thing to be worried about given what’s happened in the past. Thinking about it all really takes over my life a lot of the time. Anyway sorry about the rant :/

I found a way how to manage with OCD First you have to Change your mind. And think that if you know how to help people with OCD , that means that you know how to manage with it because it Works for you. First of all 1.Go deep inside of you. 2. your Obsession comes from your panic. 2. Your panic makes you anxiety. 3. Learn What should you do to manage with your panic. 4. Do you have Any Story with your heart attact or feeling like your Heart will stop when your Heart accept your Stress that you have? 5. Check your heart with doctor if you have Any medical Problem. 6. If not, Realize that the panic or Stress you have the things is Hard for you And if you manage with it , you just gonna be old earlier then your age. 7. The Stress makes you More closer to be or Look Older. 8. Do not taking the things just you cannot Deal with it. It is harmful for you. 9. Do not try to be responsible too much for Other people feelings. 10. If you do, its gonna affact you seriesly And you will look older More them. 11. Try to increase your dopamin, avoid from Stress And let go the things that you cannot Deal with it. 12. Do not make empathy with all people or Try to take their stress just Try to do make them calm ( if you don’t have Easy Option). 13. Do your all responsibility with time flow to make everything easier for you. 14. Do your things on the right time to not think about them later. 15. It Is not Bad if you say someone that i cannot think about it. The More you think more you anxious, more you feel tried. 16. It doesn’t make you Bad person to Focus only your Life and try to think too much with Other Person. 17. The more you become obssed the more the affact other people. They do not have to take the heavy things with you just for you to feel comfortable. 18. Do not think bad when people doesn’t think with you how to solve your problem. 19. They don’t have to spend their brain function with being anxious because of you. 20. focus more on your response 21. Everything will be happen with your passed experiences. You cannot control the things. 22. Everything in the life is connected there is no suprise. If what you do, even if you don’t want , you will have to take response of your actions. 23. Accept your stress your heart should accept or learn how to accept the things. 24. Leave everyone‘s life if it is not your business. 25. Someone else’s action is not under your control maybe on their head the way how they what to behave you is their own life. 25. If someone wonder about you idea to keep or end with your relationship , you cannot control it again. If they ask you it’s your life too and you can decide yes or not. But if it is without your decision it’s also their life how they want to be as a person, is not your life again. 26. The person had a decided something without your decision is should make you to think that you are not even in their life if they make a decision without communicating with you. And it is little bit selfishness and you can decide actually easily that with this kind of person , your relationship would not go more anyway. It could go more worst. 27. Do not forget! With just assuming you shouldn’t decide the things. It makes you selfish too. You must always communicate with people. 28. say the right things and right time. That’s why if you feel nervous afraid or etc realize your emotions and express it. Do not avoid from that. 29. Do not create or imaginate things by yourself the feeling first comes from other person how they reflect you. By obssing with them makes it more bigger! Just don’t do it yourself. Stay calm! And healthy! ☘️

Are they the same thing? I know this could be seen as reasurance seeking but I'm generally asking what the difference between the two is not for reasurance reasons but for educational reasons. I've tried differentiating them but can't seem to? Can anyone explain?

I have had retroactive jealousy for three years in my relationship which is my first relationship as an adult. After my boyfriend and I had met, I still continued to see other people to keep my options open. He even asked if I wanted to be exclusive and I said I’ve never had a boyfriend I just don’t think I’m ready. He had told me he was going on a hiking trip with some people. Later on I found out specifically one girl from his hometown who he didn’t know, but knew of was on the trip. they were friends on Facebook And he reached out about hiking in her state after she had liked his photos or something. Time went on and while he was on the trip I even slept with someone else since I was keeping my options open. through social media I became very jealous seeing their photos on Instagram and I knew it was more than just a friendship that they were probably hooking up. I don’t know why this would hurt me since I even went to a hotel with a guy when he was on the trip. Now, three years later, I think about her and him together on the trip constantly. It’s taken over my day-to-day life I’ve been to three different therapist. I’ve tried three different medication’s. I’ve seen a psychiatrist, and now I am on a mood stabilizer and an anti-depressant to help. I will go months sometime without thinking about her or the trip or caring. But most of the time I’m picking a fight comparing myself crying and obsessing. To this day, I still won’t go to any of the national parks or states they went to because the thought of them together their drives me insane. I wish I wasn’t like this. My boyfriend doesn’t deserve it because he is the best boyfriend in the whole world. We were younger with all of this happened and have matured together so much but I can’t get it out of my head. I have mental breakdowns all the time Panic attacks before work and have to leave because of this girl To be honest, I am a bit jealous of her, her job, her smaller nose, her straight hair, and I’m jealous that my boyfriend found her attractive and they shared so many memories that I wish I could erase I feel like nothing works. We want to get engaged but he tells me he can’t propose because I always bring this up , in other than this, I’m the perfect person and the person he wanted from the beginning but I screwed it up and now it’s like I can’t forgive myself.

Racing thoughts and can’t sleep. Dealing with scrupulosity and ROCD and addiction. I’m so sad

My mind is literally running around in circles over this…. Bit of a rant, so stay if you’re ready to read it…. Okay so bit of back story: in the past while I’ve been with my bf, before I had ocd, I used to basically “like” or react to whatever post/photo (to an extent) I do admit some things were like why tf would I even like that…. Anyway so even tho I never had any bad intentions I used to like whatever, and not think twice about it…. I’ve always had the rules/boundaries for my partner that if he sees a photo of a girl in a bikini to just scroll on and not like or react because even if he had no intentions it made me uncomfortable… which is a fair request not that he was the type of guy to do that anyway… a lot of time has passed by since back then & I developed ocd (mainly POCD, ROCD AND SEXUAL OCD) I took myself off social media Agers ago because of being triggered and it just filled my head with bullshit. But I’ve recently had the intrusive thought “what if one day if you go back on socials you come across a tik tokker I followed who I’ve looked up her onlyfans befroe in the past - not with intent - just out of curiosity but still massive regret” anyway - me and my partner had a convo because of this thought, even tho I know confessing doesn’t help, and he basically said to me even tho I don’t consider myself bi anymore since I’ve been with him because of my expectations of him (which is fair) then it should be the same for me, wether it’s a shirtless guy or a girl in a bikini I don’t know (unless she’s my friend) then It’s not okay for me to like - now I’m just pointing out that’s not an issue for me, even if I would never have any intent by liking some tik tok persons photos or something like that - he still wouldn’t ever have intent either and I wouldn’t ever want him doing something like that…. So since that point because he said to me don’t like photos of guys with their shirts off or girls you don’t know in a bikini, it’s sparked all these questions in my head like , “what if it was a girlfriend of mine with their bf at the beach, or what if it was a friend of his that I became friends with his gf and they posted a photo at the beach, what if it was a friend of mine who posted a photo of her and her friend at the beach, or what if it was a photo of my boyfriend with his mate but they were at the beach, what if an old friend died and someone posted something for them but they were in a swimsuit.” Anyway I know these things sound ridiculous but that’s what ocd is, it makes me question my own morals…. Because my brain is not logical - it’s hard for me to understand right from wrong cause for so long I’ve felt everything is wrong, and because of how I used to be I just used to think that liking certain photos was normal…. I sometimes depend on him to tell me what is okay or not because I don’t have that logical part of my brain working, anyway as you can imagine I’ve had all the “you would like this, you wouldn’t like that, maybe this maybe that” all that BS! Putting images in my head, confusing me so much… I would never want to do anything to disrespect my relationship or man. When I’ve tried to ask him these specific questions it has made him almost break up with me because he can’t handle hearing this stuff 24/7… all the hypothetical things that won’t happen etc. He refuses to read or listen to those questions about specifics which he is totally in the right about putting up boundaries - I just am confused because ocd tells me one thing while my heart says another…. I have thought to myself that I wouldn’t have worried if he ever liked a photo of one of our mates with his gf, because I knew there would be no intent; but he still just wouldn’t do that because the girl is in swimmers and he feels that is disrespectful to me or our relationship. And now it’s saying well you don’t think any of this is a big deal it’s been repeating that for so long…. Like when I’ve found out something is disrespectful to my partner and he has voiced if he wouldn’t do that then I shouldn’t either - then it’s obviously disrespectful to me because anything that he feels disrespected by obviously I think is bad too cause I never want to harm my relationship. It just keeps saying “you don’t think this is a big deal” putting all these different scenarios in my head… like I’m not trying to think that??? Just because I may not have seen things as a big deal back then, doesn’t mean I feel that way now, when I heard it from his perspective it made me think differently and think I should have the same expectations of myself that I do for him - that Is fair and equal! But then I just have these continuous things go through my head trying to make it seem like I want to do those things or something… making it seem like that I think “he shouldn’t care because I have no intent” like um hello??? I know he would never have intent but I know straight up certain things would make me uncomfortable if he liked it. He is aloud to care just like I care about him liking certain things - my rules should be the same as his, isn’t that fair??? He does have a point, tho im not anymore, but I used to identify or think i was a different sexuality until I met my man, I didn’t want to associate with that label again when we were together. So really it should be the exact same rules for me as it is for him… so why the fuck does it keep saying that I will do these things or want to do these things or don’t see them as problem? When I actually do now. Even if I had no intent it’s about not disrespecting my bf, he never has spoken up and said these things before so I never used to see an issue with liking anything back in the day but I just feel like my whole viewpoint has changed now. All it needs to come down to is that if someone is shirtless or it’s a girl I’m not friends with who has a bikini on or something along those lines, then I won’t press like, simple it should be, not so simple for my ocd brain 🧠 to understand, because it puts lots of different hypotheticals to make me doubt and question everything, I would never mean to do anything that would hurt him, or disrespect him but he’s actually verbally told me what he thinks is okay and not okay - I trust other people’s judgment more than my own because I have ocd. It’s not like “oh my boyfriend told me no but I still want these things or think it’s acceptable” it’s not like that at all, when your partner verbalises to you something makes them uncomfortable you should be respectful if you love them & I do love him so much… why is it so hard for my brain to understand I’ve had a change of opinion compared to what I thought was okay in the past…. He won’t answer my specifics so just to be safe even if I never had intentions I’m just not going to like anything that has a girl in a bikini (unless it’s my friend) or a guy that’s shirtless - because I now view that as not acceptable because of how he has put it to me…. Why does ocd torture people like this? It’s demanding I give it Answers, I literally was just crying and almost having a panic attack today saying “JUST STOP” over and over again while I showered. I almost lost my relationship today because I can’t stop confessing for almost 2 years. I have lost him before because of confessions constantly, he doesn’t deserve this as much as I don’t deserve to go through this either. Like I just don’t understand why it keeps saying “this isn’t a big deal to you” when it has become one, just because it may not have been in the past doesn’t mean I have that mindset now. F U OCD.