Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’m feeling really upset. Recently I’ve become closer to God. And been reading lots of things about Christianity. Now I have always believed from the moment I met my bf that he was different and unlike any feeling I’ve felt before. I’ve been having these intrusive thoughts saying “what if God didn’t choose this person for me” and similar things which makes me scared. I know the earthy term of marriage doesn’t exist in heaven , but I believe that if both partners believe they can spend eternity together in heaven. I keep having thoughts of “what if I get to heaven and God says I’ve got a different person planned for you and you wasted your time” that SCARES the hell out of me and makes me so upset. I feel like wether soulmates exist or not he is mine… and he has said the same thing to me… just because we both have made mistakes and are not perfect and may think differently sometimes, he genuinely feels like home to me and I want to cry while writing that because it’s true. To me, I feel in my heart my bf is truly my soulmate, even tho we both have things to learn still on our journey. Even when we have separated many times we always come back together because we can’t stay away, there’s something that draws us together no matter what happens… I don’t mean for these thoughts to happen and it feels like a new theme starting for me. I’ve been a mess all day because of these thoughts and I know a bunch of strangers can’t tell me if he’s my soulmate or not, or the person that’s meant for me, but has anyone had similar ocd themes to this? I genuinely feel afraid because I don’t want there to be anyone else, he is my everything, so is our daughter we share together… and God is too! I am trying to put my faith above everything else in my life because that’s what is expected as a Christian. Why is this so painful? Im not doubting my relationship I genuinely am so in love with my boyfriend and want to be with him forever and one day eternity in heaven. Then I have these intrusive thoughts that are trying to make it out like Gods the one telling me this (intrusive thoughts and doubt come from the devil, not God) it hurts my soul to have these thoughts racing in my mind. If I spend my life with my partner (this is both of our intentions) and we continue to become better in our relationship, and always try for eachother nomatter what then doesn’t that make him my soulmate? Isn’t your soulmate meant to be the one you feel like you couldn’t live without, the one you turn to with everything, the one who makes your life happier and your heart feel full? I guess ocd just likes to attack anything Good I have going on.

Does anyone else constantly question whether or not the people in their lives genuinely like them? Like worrying that when you ask if you've bothered them it only annoys them more? Like either they're lying to you and really do hate you or talk behind your back? Or are just too nice to point out your flaws becayse they don't want to hurt your feelings and tell you what they really think about you? Like even when you're invited to things you just feel unwanted and that you may have been a pity invite? Like I always feel like I've done something to bother or upset everyone I interact with and these things add up and they slowly start to resent me as time goes on. Does anyone else feel this way? Like to the point where you just avoid interacting with people as much as possible so you're not reminded of the possibility that they may not even like you or are just simply tolerating you because they don't want to be mean? Any advice on how to stop feeling this way?

Has anybody on here ever experienced a loss of sex drive that has caused intrusive thoughts around their relationship or sexuality? I have absolutely no libido and it’s causing me a ton of distress.

I feel like every time I do talk to someone or journal or type it I feel the same and lately I’ve been feeling worse and worse mentally and I’m worried that I’ll do something he won’t like and he’ll get angry at me or won’t trust me anymore nd sometimes I get worrriwd that I’ll hate working and that my depression will get too bad to where I can’t get up and go or maybe I’ll have a bad hair day and don’t have time to do it and sometimes when I vent to him I feel like I’m hiding something or trying to change the subject from something idk i think bc he’s my boyfriend and he rly cares abt me and I think if I tell him certain things he won’t like it and he’ll make me stop those things and sometimes I feel so crazy not like psych ward crazy but unwell n delusional crazy like hell breakup w me bc of how irritated he could become bc of me or the things I do or say or feel or think. idk I just hate having a mind of my own sometimes and when I get suicidal thoughts that I’d never go through I get sad bc of how badly I think I’ll end my life before I reach 24 and I get sad bc I wouldn’t get to experience life with him or kids with him or a first home with him I would miss out on so much and I get sadder bc fomo and his love for me and my love for him is the only thing I feel like keeping me alive currently and then I feel like it’s selfish bc now maybe it potentially feels like he’s w me by force which ik he’s not it’s bc he loves me! And I think im just not used to it n I expect us to always be together always b texting always have each others attention 24/7 bc I don’t do anything but he does and I think that’s what makes me feel crazy like I need to find a hobby like him so im not left feeling so alone and more obsessed but then ii think that’s so dumb that people go an hour or two without texting Bc they have their own lives n im so stuck just rotting and not taking care of myself like others are able to do and recently I’ve been eating so bad I can’t bring myself to finish a meal or eat breakfast all I do is feel tired and drink water and get thoughts of wanting to cut myself bc I want an outlet and sometimes I want my outlet to be cutting myself bc the release is so big and I scar and touch them and hide them and I can control how small or big or deep it is or who I want to tell or don’t want to tell but isn’t that selfish? Or manipulative? To know that ppl don’t want me to do those things or ask me not to and I end up doing it anyway ? Idk I’m rambling I’m so sad all the time I’m crying all the time I cry everyday of my life and no one knows

these are so hard together 😣 I’m fine with saying I’m bisexual but my brain screams at me. I really don’t know what to do. I’m 27 and married to an incredible man. Ugh. Can anyone talk?

Hey guys! I’ve been feeling so sad lately in my relationship I don’t feel worthy of love and i just constantly think its my fault or im just not enough. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years. I’ve been in 2 abusive relationships and i just obsess over the past and how much it hurt me and that if it didn’t happen how much happier id be. Now i don’t want to jump to conclusions but i need opinions on my boyfriend now this is going to sound really sad but sometimes i think im blind to certain things and i feel like sometimes im silly for how i react. My current boyfriend has never hit me which is good but sometimes he treats me really badly whenever all i do is love him he always has something to complain about ill make him breakfast and he says “never really been a fan of sausage” when i let him know i was going to be making sausage it just kinda makes me feel bad then he will just kinda always hate on me almost saying little things and eventually they all add up and i just cry i try to do everything right because i love him but if i express how i feel in front of him he tells me “you deserve better” “you should be with someone else” and i just tell him that i love him he says all these things but why cant he just be better? I think about this so much then it makes me feel like im ugly or unworthy and it just makes me feel like crap. Sorry all this might not be related to ocd but it is something that consumes me constantly i just wish he thought i was beautiful or maybe even attempted a nice gesture.

Those who have experience/d sexual ocd whilst in a relationship, how do you or have you handled that? It gets so much for me when it throws sexual thoughts about ANYTHING, it could be children, animals, family, complete strangers, friends, people I’ve had a sexual history with, etc… it’s SO draining. I want to live my life and have gotten better in some ways as in like coping wise, I’m about to start new meds + seeing therapist (not ocd therapist) in January, I have read and am reading books on topic but I find I’m always on discussion forums like reddit etc trying to find answers, I know that doesn’t help long term… but I am just genuinely curious as to how you handle those types of thoughts whilst in a relationship, I genuinely think mine and my partners porn experiences in the past in our relationship has affected me a lot and caused some of this obsession, porn is something we know isn’t good for our relationship and it’s not a desire to do now… it was actually more damaging, even tho at the time I had a different perspective on it sort of… I wish we never did that , but without doing that I suppose I might’ve not come to the realisation of how damaging it actually was/is, if that makes sense. Anyway. Please any advice is welcome. I’m struggling. It hurts.

My girlfriend and I had sex a about 10 days ago. She is not on birth control, I wore a condom but in the moment I put it on the wrong way at first and then switched it around. I’m terrified that I got her pregnant from precum. I’ve been absolutely obsessing about the possibility of it happening. From what I read it’s extremely low possibly, but OCD is saying she is pregnant. I cannot shut my brain off. I love my girlfriend more than anything and was going to propose to her later this year. I just keep thinking if she is pregnant will I be able to provide, even though I have a steady great income job and so does she. I think will my OCD get so bad that I can’t go to work and lose everything. I used to deal with Sexual and harm OCD, and I just keep thinking will this come back and start if I have a kid. Any tips or help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you everyone

I sometimes feel abnormal because I have a mental illness and that I won't be having normal things in life like relationship, partying, trying out new things and what not. How do I tackle this

im isolating from my triggers. i often avoid meeting ppl, making frnds cause ik they wud be my trigger in one way or the other. sometimes i feel lonely but at the same time, i cant meet ppl. im really hopeless and gloomy. any kind words wud be appreciated.

why is it that every time i love someone (platonic or romantic) that the things they do that are needs or make them happy just bother me to no end. like once i get to the place where i love them if they, for example, eat food- i loathe every second- i can’t hear them chewing, or them talking about the food, or whatever, i actually start to hate the food and feel sick to my stomach. what is this? i get so fixated and obsessed with stopping them from doing what they’re doing that i will sometimes get tunnel vision and have to leave. this is so difficult when someone you love is showing you things- a new song, book, whatever. i have no words to put it logically and most of the time i can do my best to describe what’s going on in my head when necessary but with this it’s just so irrational and feels like a decision to just act annoyed about nothing. can anyone relate or have advice? it’s starting to feel more and more impossible to be in a happy relationship with this shit going on.

My bf is agnostic, I am a believer/christian. Obsessing about the fact that if we get married, who knows if it will work out? Do I need to worry about this now? I don’t want to break up but maybe we should?

In this camp we Will be 3 girls and 4 boys, thing is, that i don't know who ti spend more time with.. like, i don't want to be near girls because i don't want to fall in love and be gay, but at the dame time, i don't want to just spend time with the boys because i have my boyfriend, i love him and i don't want to do something that might hurt him... :( i'm worry i may be gay because i have not been feeling anxious about them thoughts and they feel as if they were mine..

i read some things about ocd and the different types of it and symptoms and I can honestly relate to them (im not trying to diagnose myself with ocd but I think I have a type of ocd) lemme explain: so like this been happening since the summer. me and my best friend did something sexually together and me and her afterwards wasn’t okay after that and she told me how she felt afterwards and after that I felt totally disgusted and sick about myself and that’s when all the intrusive thoughts started. I keep having the urge to kill myself everyday I keep thinking about death and it’s getting to the point that I can’t eat because after I eat something I immediately think I’m gonna die because I ate something. When I’m at school or in public I have bad anxiety and thoughts about me dying. And after the situation happened with my friend (I’m Christian) I just feel like God is so disappointed in me because what I did. Nobody knows this situation. Nobody knows what’s REALLY going on with me. Im trying to stay strong but it’s getting really hard to im at my breaking point the thoughts are getting worse and worse everyday I wake up with these intrusive intense thoughts. I want help. But idk how to help myself. I try to go to my mom for help she doesn’t understand me nobody understands but me.

Hi guys I struggle with ROCD a lot and I change from so many ROCD themes. Right now, I’m worried that my fiancé is abusive. He will never ever cuss at me or do anything crazy, but I find that when he is mad (not at me, just in general), he will start like hitting things. Like for example, we were studying and he was trying to figure out some code for his comp sci stuff and he couldn’t figure it out so he starts like hitting his chair. I’m really really worried that I’m going to end up in something abusive. Again, he does not ever cuss at me or yell at me and he is very understanding when I bring a concern, we’ve been together 3 years now. I just go online and I type in “my boyfriend hits things when he is angry” and I see the domestic abuse thing pop up so I’m really freaking out

does anyone else feel happier and peaceful when they aren’t in any relationship so they isolate and feel happy and think they don’t have OCD. which makes you believe that it’s the Person that’s not good, but then you go into another relationship and Boom OCD relationship happens again and you feel that you haven’t learned anything.

I have always been a person who believes in signs and everything happens for a reason. This makes OCD even harder because I am constantly seeing everything as a sign that the thoughts are true, and I even set up signs by linking unrelated events. One random example, I will say something like ‘if I go outside and the first car I see is red then it’s a sign the thoughts are true’ or if I browse the newspaper online and the first article I see is related to a car then it means my thoughts are true.’ These are just a couple of examples of magical thinking. A car and SO OCD are completely unrelated. The thing is the law of probability is these things will happen at some point, and if they don’t for a few times and then do, I focus on the the times they happened and see it as a sign from the universe, even though other times it didn’t happen. These are just two examples of many examples. Can you relate to magical thinking? I’m also constantly seeing signs in quotes, music, tv programmes, anything related to relationships or sexuality trigger me. I always think the universe is speaking to me. Please know I’m not homophobic, I have a brother who is gay and friends. Although, they trigger me somewhat at present because of this theme. I actually believe sexuality is on a spectrum for many people, but I am in a relationship with a man who I love, so these thoughts disturb me for that reason. I have had various subsets of OCD since 7. I was diagnosed at 18 with harm OCD and have a history of body dysmorphia and eating disorders which are part of the same obsessive family. OCD loves to latch on to what we value most i.e relationships and sexuality. It attacks our happiness. OCD has haunted me in one way or another for most of my life. SO OCD is by the worst subset I’ve ever had.

It ruins every single day I don't feel like I'm self I have no self worth left I'm a constant mess I'm constantly panicking I can't do this anymore everything triggers me every single day is something new iv been struggling with this for ten years every single day is hell I haven't even eaten in days bearly I spend days obsession and my partner has to help me and it's putting strain on our relationship I can't even express how low I am and how I can't do this anymore I'm constantly having. Seizers from stress I ocd In my sleep it's constant hell everything triggers me I can't do anything without conpoltions I'm constantly in fight or flight and frozen in fear every single day I can't do this anymore

This is getting bad. I genuine believe I’m gay now. Feel like I barely have any attraction to girls. I feel like I’ve always noticed attractive guys, more than girls at times but never thought anything past it. Feels weird calling myself gay but maybe because I’m so deep in denial and can’t understand it. Watched gay porn to check and it worked. Sometimes I get off to it sometimes I don’t. This was different like I tried to actually enjoy it and did. I feel lost and hopeless. I don’t want it to be me but it just feels like I’m stuck with it. I’m supposed to marry the most amazing and supportive girl in 6 months and I feel like I’m doing her a disservice. I was actually doing good and it feels like I’ve been knocked to rock bottom. I just want to be happy. I don’t care who it is anymore. I just want these weird ideas of different identities and realities to go away so I can be happy. I’m to the point where I feel like I have to physically be with a guy and test a new live to figure this out. It makes me want to be sick thinking I’ll betray my fiancée like that but I’m so lost. Please help

How can you accept uncertainty when it is maybe, maybe not a false memory and it would ruin everything when it is true? How can someone accept this? I do not remember the act of cheating, I just remember drunken thoughts like "I wanna die, how could I have forgot about my bf earlier this evening etc." I can not do this anymore, I feel like I am living a lie. I love my bf so so much and doing stugf with hin hurts me so badly. I use this as exposure but it is just getting worse.