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Anyone here struggling with RJOCD and wants to share?

Having sexual ocd intrusive thoughts has been a lifelong challenge. Becoming a married man and parent has been a tough challenge and great blessing having ocd factoring in relationships. I know we arent our thoughts but whay happens when i have those same intrusive ocd thoughts and worries pop up in my dreams. Is the same principle applicable? Its just thoughts means nothing.

hey, so i’m diagnosed with ocd after my first so-ocd episode in 2020, it lasted about a year and a bit and then eventually faded out. i considered myself ‘cured’ after that. i met my ex boyfriend in summer 2021 and we dated for nearly 2 years although towards the end of the relationship i sort of fell out of love with him. i always felt used whenever he wanted to do something sexual with me (i struggled with an eating disorder and had incredibly low self esteem) and eventually we broke up early 2023. i found though that despite my apprehension that whenever i did any kind of sexual activity with him i felt so much closer and in love with him than when we went long periods of time without it. i was on prozac at the beginning of the relationship and then was moved onto sertraline (which im on now). ive always had ridiculously low body confidence and HATE the idea of people seeing my stomach and am convinced that people find me disgusting because im so disgusted by my body. i’ve spent a lot of time watching every other girls figure/body and wishing i looked like that which has been a big accelerant for my ocd my close friend died in august and i sort of went a bit insane, i stopped taking my meds cold turkey in january and was fine for a while (im taking them properly again now) in november of 2023 i started talking to this boy and he kind of got a grip on me, i loved talking to him, id stay up late just to talk to him even if i had to be up early, he was on my mind all the time. i started seeing him properly from january and was absolutely infatuated by him like i genuinely really cared about him which was hugely unexpected for me as usually it takes me longer to form a bond. anyways, he didn’t want a relationship which works for me because i have a lot going on in my personal life that i need to deal with but eventually the uncertainty started driving me nuts ‘am i even attracted to him?’ ‘do i want a relationship with him?’ and i felt like i wasn’t enough for him and then sort of pulled back my feelings for him because i didn’t want to hurt myself about it. so then i started questioning whether i really liked him or if i wanted to be in a relationship with him or what i wanted. i found myself stressed to be intimate because im so insecure and the past times ive had sex i just wasn’t turned on properly and so it hurt or it was awkward and i’ve been plagued with sexually intrusive thoughts (even about my family) since i was young - so sex has never really been a big cause for excitement for me it’s more associated with anxiety and discomfort. i like doing whatever with him but i get so anxious to let things escalate because im so terrified of my appearance and everything else and whether it’ll like…fit…. that i always kind of avoid it even though i would like to? anyways a few weeks ago i was away with my friend and when we were drunk i kept getting thoughts ‘am i attracted to her’ even though i knew i wasn’t (we’re very comfortable around each other so we were sharing a bed and helping each other tan etc) but i kind of tried to push these thoughts away until about a week and a half ago when it all came back in FULL swing. i was like nauseous and horribly anxious to be alone with my thoughts to the point where i called in sick to work because i got so uncomfortable with all the thoughts in my head when i was around other girls at lunch time. this was when i started taking my medication again and since then the anxiety has kind of dissipated but the thoughts haven’t gone anywhere. my brain uses the fact it’s happened before and my low sex drive as a reason to believe its suppression/denial, it’s truly exhausting. since it’s not my first time experiencing this i’m trying to avoid research and talking too much about it because i know what im like but i want to gather other people’s advice/support for this situation. i have barely any anxiety anymore but am CONSTANTLY questioning my attraction to people and living in my past situations despite trying to sit with the thoughts and avoid rumination. it feels so real and it’s terrifying. i’m supposed to be going to see the boy again and i found that while these thoughts were at their worst with anxiety all i really wanted was for him to give me a hug or to hold me, but now im super stressed about seeing him in case it confirms these thoughts or makes them worse, or if we do anything sexual and i get intrusive thoughts… all i want is for my head to leave me alone. any support or advice would be really really appreciated, im feeling so lost like i don’t know who i am. i really am trying my best to sit with the thoughts and not ruminate and expose myself to things that will trigger me but its so HARD. this is a small novel im aware, so im appreciative of anyone that read this far ❤️

Hi not sure if this is ROCD. My boyfriend had a lot of money when we got together, and now he’s broke. My mind keeps telling me I’m only with him for the money even though I know that I love him. It’s thoughts like “Yah he might be broke right now but you’re only staying because you know he’ll make money again.” I wouldn’t be with a man I didn’t love money or not. I wouldn’t leave a man I love money or not. What would you call this type of OCD and how do I stop it?

I’m not sure if this is part of ocd I constantly get thoughts of people I had a thing with in the past but I’m in a relationship that I’m happy in I have rocd and when me and my bf are bad is when it’s worse I’ll be going over what I had in the past And also feel like I oversexualise them I just feel like a bad person and terrible girlfriend

i went to target with my sister, and i got into a mindset so bad i’m questioning everything right now. she was walking in front of me, and at one point i walking more in her direction, took a step towards her while having attention on her butt. i think i took the step bc i wanted to feel a groinal while thinking of her butt, but i don’t want that to be true. after, i couldn’t look at her, and i had a few moments where i genuinely felt like i wanted to do something sexual. i genuinely felt and thought that way. when we got in the car, i had a really bad moment like that, as i think i leaned in her direction while having a groinal. i started crying, but couldn’t take my focus off the road for the rest of the way home. now i’m in my car and i feel as though this is really the end. combined with every other horrid thing i feel about my family, children and animals, my life only feels like doom. it was literal hell tonight, and i never thought it would get that bad. i don’t know what to do, i feel like i should be waste

So long story short I used to watch lesbian porn because I realized I was a very sexual child growing up and it aroused me. Still always had crushes on boys my whole life. And I finally got a bf who is the sweetest guy and I love him so much. I know I’m not gay but ever since ocd my whole thought process has changed like one time I was kissing my bf and bc of this disorder it’s hard for me to get aroused with him rn though I know I am because I used to feel it when we got togther a lot and I’m still very much attracted to him in every way but I guess bc I did t feel aroused while kissing him I realized I was trying to think of lesbians but I caught myself before and I told myself that’s not me like why did I go straight to that. And I realized my thinking has become so black and white anytime my bf does something and I question it my mind is it’s because you’re a lesbian. Whne I know that’s not who I am I have always loved men and I want the whole husband kids and white picket fence life and everything and I have this amazing bf who loves me who I jjst want to be with I know I’m not gay or on the spectrum I do find lesbian porn arousing because I am a sexual being but my head can’t seem to understand that I jjst love men and only want to be with them. I know OCD doesn’t reaping to logic but my libido is low again and I just want to kiss my bf and sleep with him. Being with a women doesn’t excite me and everything I do with my bf I wouldn’t do it with a women I’ve always wanted a bf and now that I get one this shit happens. Has anyone experienced this pleas help I know I’m not gay I know I love being with men it’s just hard to see that to especially because my loss of libido.

I obsess on being lonely all the time. I feel like I’ve always struggled with feeling alone my whole life. Idk if it’s because my parent took their life or what it is. But if I don’t have a best friend at any given time it makes me feel like something is wrong with me and I’ll be forever alone. I do have social connections I just always feel like I’m not part of the “IN” crowd. Not sure why.

Went on this date with a very creepy guy and my friend had encouraged me to go becuase she thought it would help me get out of my comfort zone and I agreed after thinking about it for a little while because before I went on the date he seemed nice enough and I decided I would go and I was explaining to my other friend why I went and I mentioned that my friend had encouraged me and that I took her advice because I know myself and I can be really picky so I was trying to not be like that but then I worry that I’m like putting the blame on her even though it’s not really her fault that I chose to go and she had good intentions either way but I feel bad telling people that and I don’t know why I did and now my brain keeps telling me that I’m blaming her and that it’s her fault but it’s not her fault but now I keep getting those “what if it’s her fault” things and I keep saying no she just encouraged me and that isn’t anyone’s fault. And I would never say out loud its her fault that I went on the date because that is literally an insane thing to say, but I also wouldn’t have gone had she not encouraged me. She was just encouraging me to do whatever she thought I wanted to do so i shouldn’t feel this way idfk what’s going on.

So I’m getting treatment in person and today I had a phone call and it was basically asking questions to see if it is ocd.like an assessment. On the phone there was a lot of questions and I had to answer with numbers So for example she would say a statement “I excessively wash” and then I answer on how much I experience it : 1-not at all 2-a little 3-moderately 4-all the time But now I feel like I lied for some questions and just that I’m lying that I have ocd and using it as an excuse and that I’m just not bad enough. Like I’m scared I’m lying saying I experience some of the things. Like my head lately keeps saying that I’m putting it on and that I don’t have it or using it as an excuse I’m scared what if I don’t have it like right now it’s telling me I’m lying. I feel like I’m making it all up Because a lot of questions around ocd I never hear them talk or ask me about a lot of themes like Pocd Rocd So ocd So when I don’t experience things they ask about like symmetry , ordering or harming others it makes me feel like I don’t have ocd

Hi all! I am asking for ‚reassurance‘ and in this case I think it’s ok - and also, If anybody else experienced this. I am in therapy for 1,5 years now with this psychoanalysis therapist. She is great at what she does, but not for my OCD. Last year it got so bad and I went to the hospital for 2 months cause my ocd just flared up so badly. She helped me with my trauma a lot (father sa‘d me for years and only with her I remembered with flashbacks). Though she sees each ocd thought with direct correlation to my trauma. Which def could be the case, but it did not help me one bit. In fact, I am where I was now one year later contemplating if I shall go to the mental hospital again. The fact that there is a ‚reason‘ implied for each obsessive thought that pops my mind (e.g. cheating thought when looking at my fiancé is creating distance because I project my fathers relationship into my fiancé and then i get scared) - could be, but how does it help me? Or the fact that she says my ocd flares up when I’m angry cause I get thrown into that child-like anger from when my father abused me, which but I don’t even remember how I felt (which is great, it’s dissociation‘s purpose).how does it help me though?! I know that it actually worsened my condition cause now I realize I was ruminating all fuxking day long about the associative meaning of that stupid thought. Until yesterday I hurt myself again cause I was very close to giving up (dramatic I know, but it’s how it felt yesterday). Why did it take me so long to let her go? I wrote an email this morning to her saying that I want to change therapy style and that I want to talk about it with her… it got so bad I was questioning my reality yesterday … like 100% didn’t know what was real… Did any of you have a similar experience ? And do any of you have a good tip now to get out of this cycle myself? Thank you!!!

Deep down I feel like I’ll never be able to truly fall in love. I feel like I wasn’t made for loved and I feel like everything inside of me is making it impossible for me to just truly love my partner. It’s so heartbreaking and infuriating. I’ve just accepted the fact that I’ll never be able to love the way everyone else can, and that’s not fair to my partner. I don’t know what to do.

Basically for my junior prom, I told my friends multiple times that I was going with them. But after recently suggesting that we should all carpool to prom together, I just found out recently that they all planned on carpooling together weeks prior but forgot to invite me. And they couldn’t invite me anymore because there weren’t enough seats in the car to fit me there. It just feels weird and stingy because in the past I’ve dealt with people leaving me out of big events like this and it’s made me have very low-self esteem in myself and I’ve developed a really complicated form of attachment. It’s gotten to a point where I’m too scared to get close to people and it’s hard to socialize properly. One of my friends told me that they made the plan to carpool official, and so I was like: “y’all should’ve told me cause I would’ve said yes” and my friend agreed with me and looked slightly guilty. And later on during the day I mentioned the carpool thing to my other friends (who are carpooling with the friend that was guilty) and they said that they didn’t make it official yet and were confused. But just a few minutes ago, I mentioned the carpool thing as if it was casual and my the same friends including that one friend that looked guilty all said that they made it official that they were going to carpool with each other, including another friend of theirs that I’m not very close with. They said they didn’t want to make it feel awkward for me but I would’ve been okay with it because I got along with their other friend so I didn’t see a problem with it. But then again, they didn’t have enough seats to fit me in so I guess it wouldn’t have worked out anyways. But they mentioned that they planned it a few weeks prior and it kinda hurt my feelings because I made it very clear to them that I was going to go to prom with them—hoping that they would remember that I was going, and I they forgot to include me in their plans :/ I don’t know what to say about this, and I don’t know if I should be upset or not, but I just feel hurt because I’ve told them in the past that I didn’t want to feel excluded by them. And I do feel excluded in this scenario and I don’t want to miss out on junior prom just because my friends forgot to invite me. But since then I’ve been trying to find some reassurance from them along the way to make sure that they don’t hate me or aren’t talking shit about me behind my back and such.

Really struggling with the feeling that I might actually be in denial and that I’m just lying to myself and my partner and I’m just using ROCD as an excuse. I’m really triggered by the concept of attachment vs love especially considering I fit more into the attachment category rather than love (what I enjoy the most is not making him happy but how he makes me feel: supported, loved, attractive, comfortable, safe, my inner child comes out in like a child with him). I don’t fit into the: I want you to be happy. I don’t want him to be sad but just like I don’t wish anyone to be sad. I’m not excited when he is excited or happy when he is happy I just feel neutral.

I love my boyfriend with my whole heart. I would never, ever do anything to hurt him and vice versa. our relationship is so incredibly healthy and amazing, I just want to be with him forever, and we will be. so why am I so afraid of cheating????? I can’t even look at pictures of other guys because I feel like I am cheating just doing that. If I think about a male person I immediately feel so guilty and I feel like I have to apologise to my bf. I spoke to him about it and he is so supportive and lovely with me, so patient and understanding, still my ocd tells me I am going to cheat on him, that I don’t love him and I am just falking this whole relationship. I just love him so so much and I don’t want him to be hurt or sad ever. this is making me feel so awful and guilty.

Anyone have success stories? I’ve realized that I’ve let my ROCD win and have been giving in to compulsions and ruminating through my past three relationships and this one feels like the hardest theme so far.

Okay, so, friends I need some support, or erp direction. I keep looking for reassurance and I keep inwardly catastrophically thinking. ocd picks one thing, then latches onto another thing, and man I’m annoyed with it. So as you guys know me and my husband recently eloped this weekend due to him enlisting in the navy. We still plan to have a large wedding at some point once we know about his deployment schedule etc. I’m currently obsessing over my husbands bachelor night. I didn’t plan anything because we talked about how we were just gonna do our own thing with our friends for our big wedding in a year and a half. But his bestfriend took him fishing all day and then ended up telling him he wanted to take him out for his bachelor party and do what my husband did for him when he got married (go to a strip club). - ( i didn’t care when he went this time because it wasn’t my husband getting any dances from strippers. ) So ofcourse he talked to me about it first, he wouldn’t have gone if I said no absolutely not, and I said it was fine. I didn’t want to start off our marriage being the wife that doesn’t let him go to his own bachelor party because of my own insecurities. BOYYYYY I WISH I JUST TOLD HIM NO. I’m currently obsessing over every little detail. It’s all I can think about. The minute I think I’m passed it I get pangs of thoughts again and again. He told me what happened so I know all of the details, but mannnn. So I looked up the place while they were on the way there, and I found the clubs Instagram and got VISUALS. (Mind you I’ve never been to a strip club so my brain is running wild. I’m 26 and I’ve never been to a club or an EDM show or a rave or anything) When I seen all of that all I could do was cry, and I didn’t want to ruin his night so I just stopped texting him when he was going, maybe if I went out and did something I’d be better ? Idk. Hes the sweetest guy, and he is HUMAN. He is a man and bachelor parties are just things that people do when they get married, I know. AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS OKAY. But I’m still obsessing over it. All he did was have a few drinks, got a dance from some stripper and he said it wasn’t even that great, the place was lame and they left pretty quickly. I believe him and I trust him, I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t believe him or didn’t trust him. I know without a shadow of a doubt he would NEVER purposely hurt me. This is the one person I believe would never hurt me. Idk why I can’t stop obsessing. Maybe because I have rocd. I’ve put him in like this bubble of perfection where I forget he is human. My current fear is that I’ll never be able to get over this and we’ll grow to resent each other. It wasn’t even a huge deal but I can’t stop bringing it up and asking him about it or giving him crap (jokingly) about it. I wanna stop thinking about it. I don’t wanna obsess over it anymore. Now I know yeah I can’t stand the thought of it, going forward he won’t do it ever again. But AHHHH. I’m so afraid about what this will do to our marriage. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him or push him away. I’m like spiraling over a stupid bachelor party. I think I need to do some ERP.

My psychiatrist hasn’t officially diagnosed me yet, but mentioned that I could have OCD (suicidal OCD). The more I look into it, the more I relate to Relationship OCD. As I look back at my old journal, I feel like I can totally see the possibility of me having relationship OCD. I’m curious if these count as obsessions: 1. Fear that the relationship was going to end (it did) 2. Fear that I was going to say or do something to make him stop loving me 3. Fear I made him an idol in my life (Scrupulosity OCD) The relationship caused me so much distress. I could not stop worrying about the relationship all the time and couldn’t think about schoolwork or anything else. Do these count as compulsions: 1. Constantly having conversations with him & others about the relationship 2. Constantly praying & journaling about the relationship I meet with a psychiatrist tomorrow for an ADHD assessment but I’m so interested in learning about all this stuff & figuring it out… which I read could be a compulsion. Would appreciate any comments!

rn my bf and i r in a rlly rough patch like not making time for each other just fighting back and forth and its been a while and now i feel like we're growing apart and he and i decided we r gonna talk everything out tmrw and try to fix it but idk if this is my ocd or if this js real but i had the idea that what if this is me growing apart from him inevitably and ive been forcing us trying to fix things for so long and that even if we do fix things i wont rlly care or enjoy it bcs i alr slowly lost feelings or smt which i dont want i dont want to lose feelings and i don't want this to be the end but i'm scared i do want that or that this is us like "losing feelings and processing the breakup mentally as we go thru this patch before the real breakup happens" and i'm rlly sad like what if i rlly am losing feelings and i dont regain it back like i was barely texting him today and i had fun w my friends without him which never happens and i didn't care to wear his hoodie because we ddint end up hanging out which is also abnormal for me and i want to fix things deeply but i'm dcared im losing feelings and i don't want to what if this rlly is one of those things we cant bounce back from emotionally and i lost feelings i cant gain back i'm so stressed pls give advice :( and then today we fixed things he said rlly romantic things but bcs i alr got in my head that i lost feelings and its too late to fix things im in over my head that i dont feel anything and that i dont care abt calling him or anything idk what happened all of a sudden i just had this thought and it stuck to my feelings idk if its ocd bcs someone told me i rlly am losing feelings but i don't want to i'm actually terrified rn

she starts obsessing at bedtime an wakes me up every hour to make sure I'm ok, ask if I still love her or just outright is mad at me for a perceived slight she's obsessing over I don't know what to do