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Hi! Does anyone have suggestions on ROCD exposures? Thanks!

I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about pedophilia, I was highly addicted to porn for 2 years or more, I even masturbated a couple times to someone younger but when I did that my ocd didn’t trigger or nothing till months after thinking what if I am a pedophile, after that is when I decided to quit porn indefinitely I realized I was going too far,I always thought I was a decent person, I have never hurt anyone, I always had this idea that I could become someone people can look up to or just become someone everyone respected, I’ve always loved sports, my family and video games, but lately I haven’t been able to enjoy any of that it’s like my ocd is making me think I’ve always been like this and all my actual beliefs weren’t real that I’ve always been this horrible person, at first I would get panic attacks and disgust but now I feel kinda numb and I don’t want to feel like that cause it’s making me think that maybe I am one and my mind is getting used to it, I even feel uncomfortable talking about kids or just being around them and I have never been like that . I am a heavy nicotine and weed smoker (I’ve tried to stop since it seems to make them worse). Now it feels like I am a completely different person, I also have a girlfriend who before this i would love with everything in me, and would be afraid to lose her every time we would argue, I would even think about a child with her in the future, but now I don’t even feel love or any attraction or any of the previous feelings I would feel towards my future and I just feel it makes it even worse cause if I’m not attracted to her and all my previous beliefs feel like lies then what can I believe in? Any advice or tips? I’ll be starting therapy this week so I pray there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

I had gotten a lot better with my OCD, in general I had a real grasp over my relationship ocd and intrusive thoughts, I was able to comfort myself and see them as just thoughts. This is really embarrassing, but I was triggered a week or so ago when my boyfriend told me one of his key rings came from a girl he slept with 1 time but was friends with (this was 6years ago and has nothing to do with me!) This trigger has led to my sexual intrusive thoughts returning, I have this thing where if I’m having a bit of ‘me time’ my brain sends me images of people I don’t want to think about at that moment in time. Two nights ago it was my boyfriend’s stepdad and I’ve felt guilty ever since. If I’m honest with myself, I’ve always had this sort of issue but I convinced myself that if I didn’t climax whilst thinking of them then it didn’t count and I could let the thought go, I didn’t climax over his stepdad but the thought now isn’t leaving me and I just don’t know what to do. I feel really alone in this and like a weirdo, does anybody else experience this sort of thing ever?

TW for mental health issues, death, ptsd, ED i guess ill just start off by saying that i have struggled since i was young with severe anxiety and panic attacks since i was about five but an onslaught of CPTSD worsened a lot of things for me. i developed an eating disorder in my teens and was hospitalized for it. i’ve been in and out of therapy since i was ten and while i do my best without medication to live my life to the fullest, i often feel like i don’t deserve the successes and support i’ve received in the last few years b/c i feel like i don’t deserve to be happy at all. i saw a video recently of a girl talking about her obsessive hypochondriac thoughts that i resonated with and when i read the comments, a lot of people pointed out that it might be ocd. it hasn’t ever been a thought that crossed my mind and now im wondering if im twisting that video into some sort of self diagnosis for myself. im wondering if it’s just my high anxiety that’s causing these severely intrusive thoughts. for example, i have had a really hard time sleeping recently because the thought that i or my partner might die in my sleep keeps me up. if i have an aneurysm or a heart attack in the middle of the night and die, or worse, if my partner has an aneurysm or heart attack, is it because i don’t deserve to be happy with him? i don’t deserve a wonderful relationship? another thought i have is when i drive with us both in the car, im going to crash and severely injure both of us or kill us both. i have never once crashed my car or gotten into an accident btw, but for some reason i just get this extremely morbid thought that im going to crash and it’ll be the end. i had a weirdly spiritual experience/revelation in 2020/21 about the multiverse and i keep thinking that every night i actually die or that i get into accidents or something morbid happens and im somehow timeline jumping and going to a different multiverse and that’s been my odd way of coping with these thoughts. i guess im just trying to figure out if this is even remotely similar to OCD or if im just over analyzing it bc of my anxiety/hypochondria i guess?? i dont know i just want help. if this isn’t OCD, please tell me and i will delete this post and app and ill sincerely apologize to everyone who actually suffers. 🙏

It feels so real it's been going on for a month now. I really don't think I love him. I don't feel In love and a lot of the time I'm scared I don't even want to love him again. I want it back I want my feelings back for him he's so perfect and he doesn't deserve this. How do I love him again. Everyone says that the way I act even when I'm deep in a spiral probe I love him but I just don't know. He's only been in my life for a year and it's gone way too fast. I miss how it was and what we were. Every time he's upset I get so scared he's gonna break up with me and then I feel better because I don't want to break up with him and I'm happy I know that. I just don't want to not love him. I'm so so scared. I think I'm js worrying about him going on holiday in q couple of weeks becauwe it's worse when he's not here. How do I love my perfect handsome boy again? I've loved him 5 years and we've been together for almost 1. It's gone too quick. I thought we would be forever. I really want it back and idk whats wrong with me. Help.

Hey all, I was recently diagnosed with OCD and MDD a few months ago. I’ve been experiencing symptoms for the past 11 months though. I used to be a person who would downplay depression, reasoning that if someone is depressed, they should be able to snap out of it. This year has taught me the truth behind how debilitating mental health conditions can be. My OCD has been absolutely tearing my life apart. For the past year, I’ve been coping with excessive guilt over past and recurring mistakes, my anxiety of which has recently been causing me panic attacks and throbbing headaches. I’ve also been coping with feeling unnatural sexual attractions, to those of the same sex and to children, which contradict the values I hold at heart. At one point, even simply shaking someone’s hand would cause sexual arousal, due to my hyper-vigilance surrounding physical contact. My OCD and depression nearly led me to take my life a few months ago. There are no words to describe the amount of pain I’ve had to endure. My thoughts and feelings have been absolutely tearing my life down, bit by bit. I feel like I lost who I was, and like it’s impossible for me to know who I am. This isn’t me. Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been feeling constant sexual arousal, it’s so easily triggered now. I don’t know if it’s because of the OCD, if it’s a result of the SSRI I’m on, or if it’s just a product of me being a young adult—Or maybe a combination of all of the above, but it’s debilitating. How easily I get aroused causes me so much guilt. There is a girl in my life that I love, but it doesn’t help that I get aroused around her because of the simplest of things. It’s not what I want for us. I want to be able to hone in on my self-control. I can’t help but constantly compare who I am now to who I was just over a year ago. My happiness has suffered, and my endurance is draining. I know there is a long road of insight and recovery ahead of me, this is just the beginning. If there’s anyone who can relate to me in any way, feel free to let me know. Comfort begins with feeling understood.

Theres so many effed up things i’ve done or said in the past which still bother me to this day. One day i’ll have one obsession, like ROCD over being scared i’m cheating on my partner, then another day i’ll have POCD because of a past experience with an underaged friend, and im just so burnt out from all the thoughts and overthinking. I feel like the most horrible person each and every single day, a constant urge to confess, a constant feeling like im a traitor, and then thinking im just using OCD as an excuse for everything. Im so SICK OF IT ALL. I can’t catch a break. There’s too much going on in my head, like this constant rumination and analysis and then compulsions to search up these obsessions. However searching up things relating to it is probably the most harmful and worst mistake for me, because then I see stories of allegations e.g like dream being exposed for grooming a minor and people exposing others for other vile acts and it just triggers me so much, because it feels like I BELONG on there but never in my life would i actually want to do such things, and if everyone knew what i did then i feel like everyone would agree i quite literally deserved to be burned at the stake. Should i just get a therapist at this point or can i get through this myself with the use of some mental gymnastics like i’ve been doing the entire time? I feel too much guilt, it’s eating me up alive.

Today I had an icky intrusive thing happen where at work we had this guy dive into water. I thought he was cute and all and handsome, but then…maybe because he’s shirtless and all. That I had what I almost thought was a groinal response to that? I mean I’m attracted to men and he’s attractive and shirtless so there. I don’t think I actually had a real response. I think it was mostly anxiety which I know groinal responses can stem from. I have a boyfriend who I love and have ROCD. I have a terrible time of finding other people attractive so this really bothers me. I’d feel awful if I actually got a groinal response from looking at another attractive man that wasn’t my boyfriend.

Anybody with ROCD question if it’s really ROCD or if you are in a “bad” relationship compared to your friends? ( I know comparison is an exacerbating habit for ocd). I feel great with partner and then maybe remeber any negatives and ignore the positives about our dynamic. I’ll latch onto something he said that hurt my feelings and wonder if I’m in an abusive relationship and spiral. I’ll totally ignore anything nice he’s ever done and convince myself I’m in a mediocre relationship. I’ll assume he should be texting me more and express his feelings towards me more. Anyone else?

hi there! so after i got together with my partner, i found out i have rocd :) it's excruciating and new to me, so i really have no idea how to fight it back. i constantly have thought regarding my feelings towards him bc what if i dont love him? what if I've been pretending all this time? what if i'm confusing love for something else? i also have a really hard time processing positive and happy feelings bc i usually get this punch in my gut, as if I'm not supposed to feel that good feeling (idk if you can relate). well that too makes me believe i dont love my partner and it's really really tiring because I can't stop doubting my feelings. yk how ocd is the doubt illness so I'm used to it, but i am so so so sure that i love him, I've never been so sure about something in my life and i literally doubt everything. but what if I'm just avoiding the truth, what if I won't admit to not love him bc i dont wanna hurt him? who knows anyways it's really exhausting and i could really do some advice. thank you in advace :)

For the longest time, I struggled with feeling like everyone hates me, even my own friends. It’s exhausting. I pay attention to every shift in someone’s tone of voice and body language, and I will overcompensate or compulsively apologize to people for no reason. It creates a lot of frustration and even resentment because I try so hard to be perfect for everyone that I end up disappointing myself when I realize certain people just don’t like me, even though I’ve done nothing to them. It wasn’t until this afternoon when I was crying to my manager about my coworkers coming together to talk about me in a bad light, even though I’ve done absolutely nothing to them personally. I never thought for a second that this may have been my OCD at play. I wasn’t aware of it until today, and I never thought my OCD would be connected to this obsession.

Idk if it’s ocd or not. But I’m feeling so guilty for thinking this. It’s bothered me since I started dating my bf. We been together 9 months now and he’s 5’8 and I’m 5’0. I understand how shallow and stupid it is to care about height. As every guy I spoke to has been about 5’8-5’10 idk why I care. It’s been bothering me how much I care about it. I’m in love with him so much but it isn’t getting out of my head how “I wish he was a little taller” I don’t want him to be 6’ or anything but even a bit taller. He’s also just smaller too and I feel so damn bad saying this and thinking it. He knew I felt this way in the beginning cuz someone told me and I told him it’s not how I felt now and I grew to love him so much so idc and it is true I don’t care he’s taller than me so who cares? And he’s the best person I’ve ever met and I don’t ever want to lose him. I have never ever felt this way for anyone ever I want to marry this man but I can’t stop fucking thinking this and it’s causing me so much guilt I don’t know what to do

I used to be such an angsty teen when I was about 14-17. I love my parents with all my heart but back then when they would irritate me in the slightest, or if i’d get into any argument with them at all, or I didn’t agree with a belief, I’d immediately go to my online friends and start complaining and talking so much trash about my mother or father. Sometimes I’d exaggerate, to gain sympathy. Looking back now, I feel so TERRIBLE for saying these things, I was acting as if I was abused or something even though I wasn’t. My parents treat me phenomenally and my relationship with them grew so much as I got older (im almost 20). The guilt is now eating me up alive, I feel like a bad person and I feel like I don’t deserve their unconditional love and support. It feels like im a traitor to this amazing relationship I have with them, and always at the back of my head I think that if I told them I talked this much bad behind their backs, then they’ll never look at me the same again. At this age I can’t ever imagine doing that same thing again, even thinking about hurting them or betraying them makes me tear up and I FEEL SO BAD. Please help me. Im a terrible daughter. Also, theres this constant feeling to confess otherwise the feeling wont go away, but I don’t want to because it would be so hard and I can’t even fathom how on earth i’d bring this up to them considering i’ve been extremely good to them for the past years. I rather them not know and I want to move on, but the feeling of being a two sided b*tch still lingers. :( I would literally die for them.

How do you guys deal with rejection from other people or them pulling away when you talk about your OCD and intrusive thoughts? I've been dealing with that a little bit lately and it hurts a lot. I don't know how to deal with it.

Contamination OCD sent me spiralling once before and now i have gotten into a new relationship it has come back. Bodily fluids came in contact with mine and I'm so scared of HIV even though i don't think he has it. I think this is all OCD, because last time, my fear of catching the disease was irrational, doctors and my therapist told me it was too. The uncertainty is horrible right now. I thought I could handle sex and everything but OCD won't let up. Any thoughts? I like this guy but OCD is scaring me so much and taking all the fun away

When I get a new theme the previous theme completely disappears/seems unimportant until there is a trigger for it. Is circling themes a very obvious sign its ocd? If it’s something actually serious in the relationship wouldn’t I get a worse feeling than just “omg this is bad I need to ruminate and search and seek reassurance” There is always one theme in control and my main focus until a new/ returning theme takes its place and the other theme is shoved away in the back of my mind like nothing until it circles around again. Even if the theme I’m currently having seems like an actual problem/super serious a different trigger/theme can occur and the “serious” theme that i was panicking over thinking “is my bf a bad person” can be wiped away and replaced with another theme. Is the constant thinking something is super serious but then it can easily be replaced with another worry a big sign it’s ocd?

idk how to even make this make sense but i’m gonna try so i think i’ve convinced myself that im like afraid of more feminine men??? especially straight ones. like i was watching a tik tok of this guy who i would consider pretty feminine and he was talking abt his girlfriend and all of a sudden i just felt really weird??? and today i saw a more feminine guy holding hands with a girl walking around town and got that same feeling again. idk what’s even wrong. i don’t think it’s bad for guys to be feminine at all. if anything im glad people are able to express themselves the way they want. i’ve mentioned in my others posts that im scared of being a lesbian bc that means i won’t like my bf and i think im forcing myself to think im like hyper straight and super feminine and maybe im pushing that onto how i view other people?? like i think that if i look or act even a little bit lesbian then i am. but how does one even look or act lesbian?? anyone can be a lesbian!!! now i’m worried that if my bf does something more feminine i won’t like him. i feel so stressed sexuality literally does not matter why am i freaking out!!!! as long i like love him and he loves me nothing is wrong and it’s not wrong for other people to love who they love either!!! sorry if this absolutely made no sense i tried to explain it the way im feeling it. i’m scared that im like being homophobic or something but im not!! i genuinely think love is such a beautiful thing and that you should get to be with whoever you’re attracted to even if it’s a feminine man (which there’s nothing wrong with at all) i just don’t know why these feelings don’t align with my views. im sorry

Hi all. I have OCD, and I’ve been having it for about 2 years. I am Christian, and I heavily love the Lord. I also have a loving boyfriend, who is not religious. It’s a huge struggle because in the Bible, it says to not make close relationships with nonbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV). I love my boyfriend and totally accept him for who he is, and he accepts me for who I am and my beliefs. However, it’s just been an on and off thing of “should I break up with him?” “Does God not want me with him?” “Am I selfish for wanting to be in a relationship with him?” “Does God accept us?” Those things. I always tend to over analyze and overthink about this sensitive topic of mine, and it overwhelms me so much because I truly don’t know what to do. I know the Lord doesn’t want his children with nonbelievers, so I feel selfish. However, my boyfriend heavily respects me and my beliefs, and whenever I tell him about my day whether it’s reading the Bible, praying, etc, he totally supports me and is actually happy for me! He doesn’t judge me, he doesn’t judge my love for God, and he wants to be a better person. Our relationship has helped change me for the better and helped me realize I really need to focus on the Lord. When we first dated, I was a lost girl and didn’t fully know God. The fear I had about dating a nonbeliever as a believer really got to me at that time which made me look into it more. I definitely think it helped me to understand the Lord and form a relationship with him. Furthermore, he uses the Lord’s name in vain which absolutely hurts me. I haven’t told him that it does, but I’m waiting for a right time because he too has mental issues going on. It’s hard because we have different values so I definitely feel like talking about it will affect us and make me seem controlling. But, this is what we signed up for, knowing how hard it will be. All in all, I’m a daughter of God dating a non believer, but we help each other get back up. Even right now I’m asking myself if I’m selfish. I don’t need reassurance or help, but I’d love to hear from people.

Hi everyone. I am currently on Luvox after being on Prozac (20-40mg) for the last 5 years. Prozac was no longer working for me so my doctor/therapist and I decided to switch SSRIs. With help from my primary care doctor, I tapered off of Prozac while tapering on to Luvox over the course of a few weeks. I am now off of Prozac and on 150mg of Luvox. I had a couple good weeks where there were more good days than bad, but recently I have felt more depressed, anxious, and in my head on 150mg of Luvox. The anxiety/Harm/Suicidal/Relationship/Pure OCD has been ramping up and it makes me feel a bit hopeless that I won’t get better. The mornings are hard when you feel like it’s just another day suffering through the ups and downs. If anyone can share their ideal Luvox dosage/medicine combo where they finally felt consistent relief from intrusive thoughts and rumination, I would be so appreciative. I know switching medicine and doing ERP is a long process, and I’ve only been in the thick of it for 5 weeks (6/29-8/2), but as I’m sure you can all understand, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel with this disorder. Any positivity, encouragement, advice, coping mechanisms/tools and success stories are appreciated!

I have noticed that my ocd symptoms has went sooooo downhill after my second trimester. I am terrified that this will get only worse during pregnancy. I recently finished my therapy and i dont have any medication currently. I have been getting instrutive false memories from past event. I feel that i’m losing my mind with it, and been crying all these 3 days in a row. I feel like i need to confess these hurtful false memories and instrutive thoughts to my man and i can see him getting upset by them. So, this one tv show triggered my cheating ocd, where this one girl kissed another guy than his spouse. And my situation basicaly was a taxi ride home with my male friend (i promised him to go for his avec to one wedding before knowing my man so i went. We never had anything romantic between us just old colleagues), and i was tipsy and telling him how glad i am to have him as one of my good friends. I kissed him on his cheek and the chat was that. Then we went home where my fiance and other friend was. This happened 3 yrs ago. So i think the cheek kiss triggered my cheating ocd also bc of that tv show. I have told my partner about this millions of times and he is okay with everything. There didnt happen anything else. (Even my ocd is reallllyyyy making it hellish for me to say this) Still i am ruminating so much. And i am doubting that do i remember right, did i kiss him properly, is there smtng i havent registered bc of alcohol etcetc. Or the worst have i told him not to tell me if i ask him? Its so ridiculous. I am SO dissapointed to myself as i was doing so well couple of months ago and now literally i have been asking reassurance from this person who was at the event with me already 2 years ago and now again. Im just embarrasing myself so bad right now😭 I feel so helpless with these kind of situations