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I was doing so good, but over the past few months, the OCD has returned with a vengenace. I try to explain what I'm experiencing to my family, but they don't understand. I just need to hear that people get it and know that I can make it out the other end alive and in one piece I've had many themes over the years, but right now, scrupulocity is taking over my life. It takes the normal day-to-day things I do, and twists them into compulsions to feed the insatiable monster that tells me if I don't do enough, be perfect enough, that I'm not a good partner-- not a good person. I'm not working hard because it feels satisfying; I'm doing it because I feel lazy and worthless if I don't. Everything has been taken to an extreme. It's making getting in the way of eating and sleeping. I'm suffering, but I feel like I need to try and pretend that I'm fine (even though I'm terrible at hiding it) because I feel like my husband will think I'm crazy, whiny, and dramatic, and eventually, get tired of it and leave. I'm not asking for reassurance. I just want to not feel so alone.

Anybody else use their lack of sexual history as a way for OCD to use as evidence? I just start remembering all the times I could have had sex but didn’t. I also had a HUGE porn addiction that made it so difficult to function. I remember that I was always afraid of having sex with anyone other than my ex because I was emotionally abused and I felt like if she found out, she would get mad and at the time, that would break me. I’d always overthink about sex and what could happen if It happened at that moment. My mind would fill with questions and I just would end up saying I rather not have any sex. My therapist believed I could have shown signs of OCD early on. I believe that’s what’s happened then and now. I don’t like guys romantically and I love getting excited for a woman. I love that feeling of seeing a pretty girl and getting the chance to know her. It makes my heart so happy. But I would do everything I can to avoid speaking with a guy, even if he was not conventionally attractive. Porn makes me feel like I could turn gay since I watched it so much. I’ve lost interest in watching porn which is a good thing but now ocd is like “oh you don’t get turned on by porn anymore, and those videos had girls in it so that must mean you don’t like girls anymore.” Like how stupid is that. I also saw on Reddit and Quora that people were saying porn can change your attraction/make you lose interest in girls. I know Quora and Reddit are OCD’s best ways at scaring you and these forums are never to be taken seriously, but man does it trigger you. Anyways if you made it this far, thank you. I’m just overthinking a lot today

I just started dating this guy not too many months ago. he is everything i ever wanted and he treats me right. but now my OCD intrusive thoughts are creeping back in. ones like “do i love him/like him” and like “i have to tell him im having these horrible OCD thoughts or we will never know how i truly feel.” but i know i love/like him. And sometimes I’ll be having a good day and then BAM, the thoughts smack me in the face and i get stuck in an anxious loop and it ruins my mood. how can i break this compulsion without feeling so anxious and do i tell him i’m having these thoughts to relieve the anxiety?

I’m starting to feel like recovery is not possible. I want to love my boyfriend again. I want to be with him forever. The pain in my chest is becoming unbearable. The headache I have everyday is becoming unbearably exhausting. Losing this relationship will be the biggest regret of my life but I’m also scared that staying will be the biggest regret of my life.

I don’t know why, but my ROCD is really loud right now. I’m obsessed with the idea of our relationship being “right”. Do I need to work on myself more before I can be in a good relationship? (My relationship is great by the way) Am I really going to commit to this person for the rest of my life? Is he holding me back? These are just a few of the questions I’m obsessed with right now. It’s so tiring and I just want to be able to enjoy my relationship for what it is. I’m feeling so sad and down. I’m trying not to search for reassurance but it’s also scary because I think “is this my OCD or is this real and true”. Any advice on how to help this. NOCD doesn’t take my insurance so I can’t go to therapy currently.

Do any of you mix up dates and sometimes find that you stress if you did something whilst in a relationship which would result in you being a cheater I remember something from 6 years ago but my brain is saying it was 5 years ago or potentially overlapping when i met my now boyfriend but its not true, im sure of it - but the ocd wont let me be sure…. Hate this!! Anyone relate?

I know I love my boyfriend but I have this constant weight in my chest then I get anxious that I don’t actually love him. What can I do 😭😭 We almost broke up yesterday and I finally had some emotion to the fact of him leaving bc of my rocd. I lost it. I don’t want to lose him but I have no feelings towards him. I’m not excited, I am fearful. I’m scared. Please help me

It feels like my boyfriend is ‘another compulsion” because he makes me happy and that is what ocd does, but when he is gone, my mind can go everywhere. Mostly thinking im not attracted to men (im bi and for some reason i feel like i have to choose 1 gender, and that that would be women) even though i know that i dont have to choose and can just be happy with my bf. But then my mind can go “but are you happy” or “youre not aroused right now or aroused enough so your gay or you dont like bf” Thats really hard, because my one of my biggest fears is being with a man all my life (having a family etc) and then falling in love with a woman and throw it all away. I really really love my boyfriend, but it can feel like this is not my real identity and im doing the wrong thing. Like when im not thinking about it, if thats maybe my ocd and not the overthinking. Does anyone understand?

Hey guys does anyone literally have a panic attack whenever you have to be in a situation (romantically) with a man?? Like I will literally freak the fuck out and throw up I mean that so seriously lol. I think it started after my abusive ex boyfriend.

do you ever feel paralyzed or scared to just get out of bed because what if the thoughts get worse because you're interrupting your mind being distracted i dread having to get up to even use the bathroom. being with my boyfriend helps but then it just gets bad again even while im with him. I just can't function im starting a new job soon too and I'm in online college. I can't bring myself to do any of it. the guilt, shame, anxiety, and fears just take over.

So i use to get a lot of relationship OCD. I recently got into a relationship two months ago. i have been experiencing some relationship OCD thoughts like “do i like my partner enough” and to complete the compulsion of telling them that i am having this thought. I use to be able to conquer them but after bringing it up in therapy it got worse. does anyone have any recommendations on how to conquer this compulsion and thought? I don’t want to scare my partner away.

Can I please hear some success stories with rocd? I see ones on here where it ends relationships and it's so scary to read. I would love to hear success stories. I have fear of him leaving me or cheating on me when I KNOW It's never happened and most likely won't. The fear is so hard to deal with when this theme spikes

Just a quick question for anyone on here today. Does anyone else's OCD get more prominent when they're mad?? Not necessarily "mad" but just frustrated. For example, I'll be having an argument with my girl and the intrusive thoughts just seem to arise way more frequent and severe i guess is a word i can use for it. They just pester me a lot more when I'm frustrated rather than just sitting around playing a video game or something. Appreciate y'all wit the feedback. Have a good one.

I have a boyfriend I’ve been with for 11 months today. He’s great, caring, kind, funny, etc. But he’s very aggressive when he’s mad or jealous and he is the rudest person I’ve ever met when we fight. He has squeezed me, grabbed me, pulled me, and today he hit me on the head with a water bottle, not hard, but not very gently either. I’m assuming he thought it was funny. We are 16, our families are close, so I wouldn’t consider this too serious because we’re young. But he never listens to me when I tell him, “that hurt!” He laughs and will most often say, “i barely tapped you.” He is about twice the size of me, and I’m starting to completely resent him, and honestly, I’ve told him that. For the most part we are very healthy, we have lots of trust and communication, we work things out beautifully too but he’s just too damn aggressive and won’t listen to me all the amounts of times i cry. he’ll call me names. I’m admittedly not the best girlfriend, i have a lot of baggage and trauma from my past that causes me to have an avoidant attachment style and have a rage problem. I understand the mean words he uses, but he should never ever be aggressive to me. I just need another side to this. I need someone to comment what they think so I can show him, because he just thinks he’s done nothing wrong and that I’m just dramatic. I know a lot of people on here are adults, so I’m asking for help.

Today was a really bad day. I finally went on this app and started reading so many of my experiences through other peoples’ eyes. It was validating and triggering, and I spent the rest of the day shaking in bed. My mind is full of, “you’re sick, you’re crazy, you’re a burden, you’re an inconvenience, you’re a bad person because you’ve done bad things, your boyfriend shouldn’t love you, he’s been manipulated by you to stay…” I know it’s OCD. I know that now. I’ve known for years but I really know now. I really just want any advice at all. I have images in my mind I could never say out loud. I have guilt and shame that I could never heal from. I didn’t know so much of my personality was a neurological malfunction. I have gotten better but today it feels like any progress I’ve experienced never existed. But I know it’s possible. Please help.

Been having a hard few days. I’m visiting my long distance boyfriend and have had a lot of rocd thoughts since getting here. I just got this intrusive thought / feeling like I am not in love with him anymore / actually grossed out by him, like I don’t want him to touch me or kiss him. I hate this feeling and I absolutely love physical touch. Trying to picture our future no longer feels right like it used to since this relapse and I am just so worried and don’t know how to stop ruminating today 😣 posting here for some extra support

I had a dream and I feel very hopeless. I'm not sure if it was big portion or just the end of the dream but their was something romantic (it's uncomfortable to even type omfg) with my brother. I was just thinking about how since my brother is getting older, we have more in common and can be like actual friends. This is just so unsettling and rn I just want to stay away from everyone like my intrusive thoughts have been so bad and I'm tired man. I truly have gotten tired of fighting my brain and can't differentiate my thoughts from intrusive ones.

Has anyone’s OCD effect their sex life at all? I have SO OCD and it really have effected the intimacy with my bf because I get in my head to much. I think I need to work on that the most :(

I double texted a girl that I really like today (we just started talking last week) and I'm kind of going insane now... is double texting actually that bad or am I having a flare-up?

I’ve been suffering with SO OCD for a while now and the thought of late in life lesbians really scary me like what if this is all real and that’s going to happen to me. My boyfriend and I are about to hit 2 years and I’m scared for the future. :(