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i keep having such intrusive religious ocd thoughts, i feel like i’m sinning and i don’t want to leave my religion p.s i’m a muslim

I keep on getting restive thoughts based on curses and stuff. I keep on closing my eyes and get this one feeling that if I open I get bad luck or smth and I must pray to get it away. It feels so close idk how to explain. I’ve used holy water and it feels better but isk

My ocd latches on to past mistakes. i fear that God is formulating a situation to “give me what i deserve.” I will string together completely unrelated events into the predictors/indicators that my ‘judgement day’ is near and all my wrongdoings will be exposed for everyone to see and my life will be ruined by finally getting the punishment i deserve. I fear that God is going to use someone who is out to get me, wants revenge, hates me, etc, to carry this out. The associated compulsion is that i keep track of my mistakes and practice arguments for defending myself so that when the time comes im ready for anything. I also punish myself with guilt so that i can “get ahead” on any bad feelings that i would experience on my judgement day. It’s all so exhausting. Does anyone relate? Does anyone have a similar existence? Would love to hear about others’ experiences. Thank you for reading.

This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far

I’ve dealt with it for a decade but as I’m stressed out lately it got so bad I was fighting it so bad filled with terror as I drove had to slow down and praying to god to take the urge and help me but I actually gave it slightly with my family in the car too 😢 my son is 2. It scared everyone in the car and now I’m scared to get back in a vehicle

I have grown up in a Christian community and kind of always been around people who believe Christianity or even catholic. In the past few years I’ve really dove deep into my faith and honestly felt good about myself sometimes but overall terrified and like I’m a horrible person if I do one thing wrong or make a wrong sin. I’m also not sure if I completely believe in all the traditional Christian practices anymore. But I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and everything is going great. We communicate and he’s so loving and respectful and I honestly don’t have any major issues In the relationship. I used to have a big fear of men starting when I was like 7 aboit my grandpa or my dad trying to rape me (even though they are good men and showed no real signs of it). But it ruined my relationship with them both for awhile til it eventually went away. I always told myself it was because the “spirit” of ocd was rebuked by Jesus but I honestly don’t know. Now I’m dealing with a more extosential or religious ocd where I’m terrified I’m a horrible person for being in a relationship and almost feel worse about myself if I get closer to God. I also feel like if I get too close to God then I have to choose between Him and my bf and I can’t have both. It’s driving me in San and I feel like if I tell anyone any of this they’ll tell me to just break up with my bf even though there isn’t anything wrong in our relationship. Idk what to do and it’s so draining

So I’m not sure how many/if any of you are Christians, but I’m assuming this can still make sense to some of you. This morning has been rough. I’m constantly thinking, “am I saved? Have I never been saved and I’m tricking myself into thinking I am? When I’m listening to Christian music am I doing for the right reasons? Is it too late for me?”. Things I know the truthful answers to but yet I still think these thoughts. I don’t understand why. Why do I constantly think about these “what if”’s? My heart always feels so heavy and I feel as if I need to talk to God right then and there to make it stop and go away. But then am I talking to the Lord for the wrong reasons? And the cycle repeats. Thankfully, day one of my therapy is tonight and I’m hoping to find at least a little clarity on this stuff. I’ve had OCD for 7 years and I don’t even know how it works. Any advice?

Hi I’m 17. My life since I was born has been full of exploring and tons and tons of hobbies. I have adhd. But about 1 year ago is when it kinda started or at least when I started to notice these thoughts and compulsions. I got in a relationship with my girlfriend. And about 2 weeks into that relationship my I started thinking “what if I don’t love her” and I didn’t even know that that’s what ocd was at the time and it ruined with gut wrenching anxiety for months. Then I started titling it as ocd. After we broke up I started to notice that my ocd was starting to flare up a lot. Like when I was snowboarding and normally when I was having the most fun is when I would ask myself things like “what if I hate this” “what if I’m not having fun” then I would try to feel if I was having fun. I would use chat gpt a lot to try and help it but it didn’t really help. I have lots of other ocd thoughts aswell but at the time this one really caused be anxiety and I just felt numb and I became not social. To this day I’m still not as social and I don’t feel like myself anymore. This is the opposite of who I was a year ago. Then I started questioning everything I do and people I love. So it feels like from the moment I wake up my mind just starts spiraling. I can’t seem to find peace or joy in anything anymore and I just feel like my life is going to continue like this and I’ll never be happy. I’ve accepted it at this point. I would love some help. I haven’t really told anyone I know so any tips would be appreciated. I’d be surprised if you even read this far haha. I’m also Christian and love to approach things from a Christian standpoint. I don’t want to sound like a baby who isn’t experiencing real ocd and it’s hard to put into words how much it affects me I just really hope yall understand and can help.

I’m a 20 yr old female, I think I’ve always had ocd but the symptoms didn’t become apparent to me until I was about 17. I feel like that’s where life went downhill for me. OCD attacks everything that is important to me, my sexuality, my morals, even my health. Sometimes I wish I could be a kid again and not have this vicious disease in my head constantly bullying me. But I know I will overcome it one day.

Hello! It has been well documented that OCD can manifest itself in the form of religious rituals. There is a fine line between genuine piety and OCD. For those of you who have struggled or are still struggling with this, have you sought the guidance of a religious figure in addition to a therapist? Meaning, that you attend therapy with a therapist who works with you on ERP exercises, but also have a rabbi, priest, or imam who you use for guidance in determining what is actual piety versus behavior that is OCD?

I frequently feel the need to test myself with sexual scenarios with a guy jn my class, im jn a relationship and i keep testing if I find him hot attractive or whatever and i have many crisis about it likw i pray to god to not make me attracted to X person, sometimes I avoid going to school i avoid looking at him I skip periods and truly yall idk what to do anymore. Can someone give me suggestions? I'm scared I don't wanna be attracted to anyone else besides my boyfriend i don't wanna cheat on him I don't wanna do anything I just wanna live a quiet happy life with him . I'm worried I know the truth and just don't wanna accept it jm super worried I need suggestions pls

I came across a video that was talking about a theory and it was something me and my friend were talking about 2 years ago and were tweaking about and i was explaining it to my girlfriend just now and them i started to get anxiety about stuff not being real and my world isn’t what it seems to be and that there stuff out there and then i started to have religious OCD and then it went to how Im scared of the world being fake or suffering from a mental illness like schizophrenia or something and stuff and I’ve been having OCD about my girlfriend being a government agent or that government agents are watching me cause I’m scared of schizophrenia and thinking like them i don’t think i actually think it i kinda just go to my girlfriend isn’t a government agent which scares me into thinking i was thinking she was or gonna think she is or idk if i just saying that to bot seem insane or something but like idk if i truly believe that i doubt it i don’t believe it any other time and then i started getting stress i might hurt or maybe kill her and it scares me cause shes my everything and I’m scared of losing her idk guys I’m getting stressed hella and I’m scared of myself and my OCD I’m genuinely tired of it like anyone can ask my girlfriend and she’ll say i cant go 5 mins without ticcing (from ocd) or asking for reassurance like that life is real and thats shes real and I’m real and nothings wrongs and stuff, i probably sounds crazy lmaoo maybe and the sucky thing is i don’t have a therapist or a thingy going on for me cause i don’t have a job and or insurance let alone.

Does anyone struggle with the OCD thought of lust while in a relationship? I get all these intense feelings and feelings that I want to have these thoughts with other people besides my boyfriend in my head yknow? And I’m afraid that these feelings are true and that i want to think these things but I don’t. I’ve been having a hard time this evening with this because the feelings and sensations I have on my body are really strong. And I feel like I sinned against him.

My religious ocd is so bad I can’t do anything I wan to anymore and want to check in myself to a hospital. I can’t dress the way I want, do anything at all and feel I just convert to full Christianity so I do not go to hell. My ocd tells me I hate Hod and talk crap about God when I don’t.

I been going to church looking for answers about my false memories if they are even false and overall ocd. Everything that I'm learning about ocd ultimately I get told that it's due to sin and that's why I feel overwhelmed and have the urge to confess on things idk if they are real or not. I just dont know whats my truth my mind Is saying one thing but I need a lot of confirmation if what im thinking its true thats why i been seeking confirmation going to church. Would appreciate a response or if anyone is going through this 🙏

For as long as I can remember I had OCD health OCD linked to my fear of death I have a slight pain and I imagine myself dying .. I avoided eating foods due to phobia of allergy I'm scared of dying in my sleep It's difficult because I'm religious I'm scared please how can this fear stop

Hey there! I’m new to the NOCD community. Just joined today, but in desperate need of encouragement from my fellow relationship OCD subtypes and scrupulosity subtypes. In the summer of 2023, I was a youth pastor and dated a guy from my church. I quickly broke it off because i felt lustful, sinful, and he didn’t meet my high standards. I quickly fell into depression and guilt, seeing this guy at my church. I felt like I had disappointed God by kissing a man he didn’t tell me to, or kissing someone I wasn’t going to marry. Fall and winter of 2023, I was having panic attacks. Dry heaving because of anxiety. I was obsessing over the end times and if I was going to be with Jesus for eternity or not. January and February of 2024, I was suicidal. Yet I thought it was spiritual warfare. I was spiritualizing everything, crying, dry heaving, having intense panic attacks. End of March and April, I was admitted into the hospital for my mental health by my pastor/boss and his wife from my church. They got me on sertraline but I was suicidal, delusional, and violent. So I admitted myself into a psych ward. During my time in the psych ward, I hallucinated, was delusional, acted out parables and experienced what’s called catatonic psychosis.. look it up lol. I was put on heavy doses of Haldol, an antipsychotic, which made me extremely high and antsy. I was hospitalized 4 times in April due to delusions, catatonic psychosis, and antipsychotics. I was extremely afraid of the devil, demonic spirits, thought I was the antichrist and had hallucinations. It was an extremely scary part of my life. All while this is happening, I had started dating my ex bf again. Who turned out to be a Godly man that I rushed things with and who had been praying and waiting for me. I stayed with my family over the summer of 2024 as I reacclimatized to real life again. And eventually moved back to where I was living as a youth pastor.. except I got a different job. When I moved back home.. it was really hard for me to get back into church. It was hard for me to see my church family who had seen me as a spiritual leader. I didn’t want to do church anymore. My bf and I then starting to sleep together, and I felt so broken and nauseous knowing it was wrong and we were sinning against God. We had given into temptation, and my ocd was running wild sometimes. I had been diagnosed with scrupulosity after being hospitalized. We’re still together to this day, are engaged and getting married, but I feel awful. I resigned my pastoral license because of fornication. I just feel paralyzed by shame. We’ve told multiple people we’ve slept together, whether it was a confession compulsion of mine or not.. idk. But are going through purity and pre marital counseling with that same pastor/former boss of mine. I just.. need encouragement. Anyone?

I'm really, really scared. I feel like my boyfriend and I went too far. We both belong to the same faith, and we've both committed from a young age to remain pure and chaste until marriage. And we've never had sex before, but we've talked a lot about it. And we've done things like laying on top of each other. Gently rubbing up against each other. He's kissed my chest. And I've send some pictures to him. Not nude pictures, but just ones that are a little revealing, and the guilt has been eating me alive. And of course, I know it's okay to feel sexual feelings, and it's good to have them and acknowledge them. They're vital feelings, and it's just us being human. It's a natural part of biology, and it's okay to be sexually attracted to one another, and to embrace that. It's something to be happy about. In our faith, we are cautioned against arousing sexual feelings in each other before marriage. And my boyfriend and I have absolutely done that, over and over again, when I've known better. Which makes me feel really guilty. Super guilty. I've struggled with scrupulosity for a long time. A really long time. And when I had a therapist who helped me to embrace my sexuality in a positive way, she really challenged my scrupulosity, and it helped me to attain a healthier view of the both myself and my standards, which is great. But in situations like this, I don't know if I'm dealing with scrupulous thoughts that are trying to make me fee feel guilty unnecessarily, or if I'm dealing with godly sorrow, like the kind of guilt that you feel so that you're urged to repent. And my boyfriend and I have kept an open dialogue about all of this since we started dating, and I think we've been communicating well, which is good. But we both agreed that last night, in particular, we really crossed the line, and I feel so guilty about it. We both agreed that this is a joint effort and that there's no blame to be put entirely on either one of us. My boyfriend has been really, really gentle about this subject, and I really appreciate his openness and honesty. But he doesn't see what we've done as anything to repent about. And even though he totally understands if I feel differently, I DO feel like we need to repent, both of us, not just me. He's open to hear any of my thoughts, even if they happened to be negative against him. And I appreciate that. But the guilt has been eating me alive. All the times I've made him moan on purpose because I like it. All the times I've let him talk so dirty to me. And the times I talked so dirty back to him. And I'm just comparing myself to other couples of our faith who may or may not have struggled, because obviously we're not the only ones to struggle. But we've done so much. We've talked so dirty to each other, and we're not even close to being engaged or anything. I just feel so filthy, and I feel ashamed for wanting to go further. A couple years ago, like I said, I had a therapist who really helped me to embrace my sexuality while also staying true to my faith. And I feel like I've really come a long way since then, but this feels different, because masturbation and embracing your own sexuality is different than teasing sex with another person. I just don't know how severe this really is. And I'm worried that I'll be reprimanded. I'm worried what would happen if my parents happened to find out. Not that I'm gonna tell them, but still, I'm really scared. I'd feel bad keeping this from them if it's really serious. I don't know what to do. I need to cry. My stomach hurts. I just feel all kinds of wrong.

I want to write a book about faith and the cross of ocd. And how that looks with faith. I myself am Catholic but I am going to be writing open to all denominations. Because we are all brothers and sisters carrying our cross of OCD to get to heaven. Could you please comment a question you have? A struggle you have? or something may be a good topic to bring up in a book to represent or help those with ocd and searching in faith. Thank you.

Hi everyone I’m new here and well today was a very hard day for me… so a couple months ago out of no where my brain just went poof literally to not get so much into detail I experienced a lot of things but during that whole process I developed intrusive thoughts of hurting my self or others its been going on since December I knew someThing was off so I went for professional help Ive been working very hard in recovering now those intrusive thoughts aren’t the problem as much because I figured out what was the trigger (I think) but now it’s more obsessing over religion and spirituality and what’s real and what’s not and it makes me panic and creates panic attacks and just kind of makes my episodes a lot worst… so I would like to know if anyone has experienced this? How do get through it? How do you talk yourself out of it?