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My parents think I’m a burden they I’m over reacting I have nothing I don’t want t to live anymore do u think suiside is the best option I don’t know why god is punishing me I can’t take it I don’t want to live anymore in this tourtire life

Trigger warning for anyone who is in the depths of their obsessions and compulsions. I’ve struggled with SOOCD on and off for years. As I’ve stated before the thoughts don’t necessarily disappear but they no longer bother me the way they used to. Part of my personal ERP is to accept that maybe I’m just bi and fall somewhere on the spectrum. I know I like men and like being relationships with men (I’m a woman) but I do think women are pretty and hot but don’t ever want to act on that or date one…so my question is, are there different levels of being bi? Like attraction but not romantic?

I’m tired. I’m absolutely tired. i cry and cry. i don’t know who to turn to. my ocd/pocd is physically weakening me. Also I’m someone who likes to interpret dreams. so I dreamt of me swimming and when I searched the meaning, some said I’d go to jail. & this sent me spiraling. please help. i really really wanna do therapy but mom says I’m not at that stage where I need therapy yet.

I see an attractive guy, I test for sex mentally with me or with another good looking guy, and I don’t like it so I can move on. Then I imagine him solo doing something like giving himself a handjob and again I don’t like it. BUT now I see it from a girls pic like when I test by kissing a guy in my head it’s automatically a girl kissing the guy which causes arousal, same w the sex part it would imagine a girl giving him a blowjob or getting fcked and I can see her vagina. All this causes arousal, and I hope it’s because the girl is there but I can’t help but think this makes me gay. I’ve beat TOCD before so I won’t fall for that again. I also see a girl I like and question why does she like guys? If she likes guys then out myself in her shoes and would I like guys too? Idk what to do.

I keep having unwanted sexual thoughts or images in my mind and its really stressing me and my compulsion is to avoid and block the tought the thing is that i am a believer i dont and if do erp i am supposed to facd my thought and let myself think abt it but my rocd male me feel that i will have sins and that i can not let myself think such things so idk what to do abt this sexual thoughts

I’ve been doing better and have gained my attraction back to men. It was never gone to begin with, but feel like HOCD is creeping back in. I had a heavy meal and sugary drink before bed and I got hit with a wave a thoughts to be bisexual. I don’t want to be bisexual, I know I’m not. I know it’s OCD, but the way it just feels real. Like the thoughts pop in “I” and it’s freaking me out. I hate this, but I will cope. I have to remind myself I’m not alone. I’m not alone in this battle. I hate how real it feels at times. I know I’m not in denial.

this is an event that im not at all clear on, it took place 7 years ago when i was 12 (i am now 18). i was holding my baby cousin on the couch and using snapchat filters to entertain them per the usual. i used to love doing that, i was always the baby in the family so i was excited to have a baby cousin of my own. and then i think i looked down and noticed my hand was over their diaper area and they also had on a diaper & pants ofc), and i think i scratched it and rubbed over the entire front of it (ew)🤢 i think because of the area and curiosity, this is what i've tried to remember. and now my head is saying that i liked it and was turned on idk truly, it happened years ago it's all a blur. i don't know why i would do it. but i know i would never hurt them, i mean i've been obsessed with them since before they were even born! but i don't have any clear memory of what happened, but i do think it was something like that. I think i was too young to think much of it or see the full spectrum of things because they had a diaper on. but i still feel terrible, this is an old obsession because i almost offed myself 2 years ago because of the same dilemma. the whole thing disgusts me. I've talked to my sister about it, she's a therapist/ social worker. i broke completely down and was crying so hard i could hardly breathe. she told me to calm down, & that i was probably curious and i was young. but i still feel like i sa'ed them, even though i didn't actually touch their privates and definitely had no intentions of it either.

I recently had a dream that i was romantically in love with a child, but we didn't do anything sexual. I've never had a dream like this before. But now when i recall on how i felt in the dream it's like i felt a romantic attraction. And i remember the feeling, it feels so real.. I wonder if the romantic attraction was just a figment of my imagination and OCD or I'm actually a pedophile. I've struggled with pocd for a while, but I've never been sexually aroused by a child. Does anyone have any answers?

I can't seem to shake the troubling sexual images that come to mind when I'm feeling alright. I like men, hell I'm getting married to one. He's the light of my life. But when this started in 2022 I can't shake these sexual images that pop up so frequently about being with other women. I'm not into it. But my body reacts differently and it sucks. I don't know what to do or what this is but it's really awful. Please help

Has anyone successfully conquered this type of ocd, if anyone does I really need to talk to someone and ask a few questions❤️

I don’t know if there is a light at the end of the tunnel anymore this feels so real I get headaches all the time and the thoughts are like if you come out it will go away and life will be back how if used to be i hate hate hate this just had enough I miss having attraction to women and it feeling natural and not a checking ritual this is hell and I just don’t know what to do I am so down every day with this I just don’t understand why this has happened to me I feel cursed it been 4 years now I never felt like this or had any thoughts like this as a kid or a teen this all started when I was in a toxic relationship with my ex girl friend and some one on a night shift said I can see why gay guys are happy they don’t have women in their life and bang ‼️ it started a thought out of no where saying I am gay on loop it been that way ever since I just want to be at peace it don’t help when I hear sexuality is fluid or on a spectrum that is very triggering for me and it don’t help that I have Aspergers as well which only magnifies this whole thing times a million I just feel so lost and have no idea what to do just want to be like I used be I feel like I have a massive chunk of my life robbed from me I feel so alone I have no problem with gay people at all you what you like I guess but me and don’t want to be like that I want to be with a women but my mind is like no you don’t it’s torturing this is can anybody help PLEASE !!

Hi! I am posting this NOT to give reassurance but more to give hope and help in people’s recovery. I have had really bad SOCD since I was 14 I’m 29 now and started experiencing false attraction for the first time which sent me spiraling and it was VERY debilitating and confusing. I can now say it’s been two months since I experienced it and I feel I have conquered this aspect of OCD and am no longer experiencing it. Now let me say that these feelings did not just “go away” but I put in the work. I sat with the ick, I didn’t overanalyze, I recognized it for what it was and let it go. Easier said than done I KNOW. Is it possible I will experience it again? Maybe. But if I do I know I can face it and overcome it once again. So yeah just wanted to share my recovery with you all and let you know it can and will happen for you too ☺️❤️

Today was so nice, I had a girl who I’ve like for so long at my house today and she was hugging me and laid in bed with me. My heart was racing everytime she laid with me. Life didn’t feel real. She made me hard every time she was on me. But then when she left I got the scared thought that what if I don’t really love her and what if I’m gay and bring a guy home one day. What does this mean.

I'm having a hard time with sexual ocd kinda stuff. I feel like I will never know what's real or get any kind of certainty around my fears. It's just so scary and uncomfortable and it's so hard to talk to my therapist about. I've overcome pretty much everything else, but I've been avoiding this part so bad. I've just been obsessing and compulsing about this stuff for so long it's left me so confused. I genuinely don't know what to do, I'm so scared of talking to my therapist about it, I say very minimal things in my sessions.

Hi, I have never posted on a forum before because I’m scared someone will come back and say ‘it’s not OCD’. Anyway, I have always had obsessional thoughts. Always obsessed about my health and if I was going to die. I have always had intrusive thoughts and when I was around 16 I had my first awful one HOCD. This made me feel so sick and I couldn’t leave my bed. Would look at women and get groinal responses and would avoid anything LGBTQ. I then suffered with POCD, which I nearly asked to be sectioned over. Now, I am with my current partner (2months) and we are moving in together in 2 weeks. I have known him since I was 14 and have always had a thing for him. Anyway, last year there was this person at work who I forced and convinced myself to ‘like’ don’t even know if I even did to be honest. But his background is awful and everyone around me said it was a bad decision and I knew this too. We used to talk all the time but yeah, anyway… I said I didn’t want a relationship and distanced myself from him and never really thought about him. I’m now in my relationship with my current partner and I adore him. He is fully aware of what is going on in my head. I have also just started therapy. My head is comparing him to this guy at work. Makes me think they look alike, but this all stemmed from when my current partner was talking about his family past and I instantly thought oh no, I hope my family doesn’t think this is bad (they love him). So now, my head is saying ‘what if you love this other guy’ what if the reason you can’t get this out your head is because the universe is giving you a sign’ ‘what if everyone told you not to go there, then what’ the thoughts are endless and honestly, I can’t stop crying, it is making me physically sick, have panic attacks. I confess to my partner all the time and he is honestly so supportive! I feel like I’m mentally cheating or what if I’m denial. When we first got together I was fine. No thoughts and then bang I’m consumed. My head is filled with them. I feel congested with him. I feel disgusting. I look for reassurance. I constantly look on Quora and Reddit. I can’t cope. I love my current partner! And we tried getting together years ago but it wasn’t our time and since, I thought about him every now and again and now my brain is saying ‘oh see, what if it’s the same situation with this guy a work’ I just want coping mechanisms and relief. This honestly feels like torture.!!! oh and my head says ‘what if you go to therapy and discover your true desires and it turns out that it isn’t ocd’

Anyone often worry were they arousing ovr someone because of intrusive thoughts and groinal responses? I was grabbing ny bag strap snd it was near my lap in public snd i worry was i doing something inappropriate. I get stuck snd dwell on it worrying then i worry more if i was doing something. But i was like why would i do a bad thing especially in public. Ugh its exhausting.

I thought I was doing better with not having rocd intrusive thoughts for a while but then they started up again. I always blame the thoughts on pms, but whenever it happens any other time, I think they’re real. I feel like I’m always critiquing my bf in my mind, and think small things are genuinely big problems. It’s like I can’t accept that he has flaws, just like me. Also yesterday I hung out with this new friend I made, and afterwards I kept getting thoughts like “you like her, you think she’s hot”, etc (she’s a lesbian and I am straight), and then a trailer for a new movie w/ kristen Stewart keeps popping up on my feed and I think that I’m gay. There would be nothing wrong with that ofc but I’ve been straight my whole life, but I’ll get thoughts saying “you’re gay and you’re not attracted to your bf anymore”, etc. I generally get intrusive thoughts that I’m not attracted to my bf but it’s never bc I’d be attracted to the same sex. Also, I think this is normal with intrusive thoughts but whenever I get these types of thoughts about my relationship/my bf, it’s like I don’t recognize him, or even fully realize that I have a bf, and it scares me so much. I’ll be with him and I’ll suddenly get the realization that I’ve been in a relationship with him for a year, or I’ll look at him and I’ll start getting nervous that I don’t find him attractive anymore. Recently it’s been the not recognizing him and thinking about “alone time” with him and not feeling turned on or thinking that he doesn’t pleasure me the same way anymore, which isn’t true. I just feel guilty everytime these thoughts pop up.

Do we choose what we're attracted by? Or it is simply something subconscious that we can't control? Because I have no problem getting attracted if I notice the curves of a girl my age, but I get extremely uncomfortable and anxious when I notice those same inappropriate parts on a young girl. Instagram reels trigger me often. I obsess over the fact that I've noticed those parts in the first place because a normal person wouldn't even notice them at all, and I wonder if these are the signs of being a p***. I feel the need to check the inappropriate parts to check if I'm attracted or not, and to see if I can stop seeing it as triggering but as something that is just there without being unwantedly se&ualized by pocd. (I also feel more gross because I'm staring at those parts, even though for a compulsive matter and not for malicious intent). I'd feel like ending my life if these things were all just subconscious instincts of my brain making me one of those monsters, like you can't change that and I'm just lying to myself. I'd feel more at ease if everybody notice those things the same and just chooses to not be attracted according their morals, the fact that physical attraction could be a choice and not an instinct would make me feel better. There is freedom of action, but is there freedom of feeling and being? Or is that already predetermined? If I see a girl my age who's my liking I have no issue feeling attracted se&ually. If I'm born with the genes of a monsters it wouldn't matter what I do, I'd constantly be in denial of my sick twisted nature, right? Obviously I'd end my life before even dreaming of doing those horrible things that happen in my mind in the form of intrusive thoughts and image, as costant daily torture. Maybe there are people born bad but that overcome their nature and live a life of good deeds, but I can't tolerate it. If I'm born as a **** I have to die. I'm clinging of the fact that this is just POCD, just an ocd theme like the others that've come before. One thing that reassures me is that I've memories and proof of lots of different ocd themes throughout my early life till now. I'm diagnosed with OCD, but I don't trust it completely because my psychiatrist was a bit of a weirdo and his answers to my questions more triggering. I don't feel attracted on young girls, I avoid them, I only have interest on girls my age, but I'm so afraid that sometimes I could be because what I feel when I get triggered is so confusing and fuzzy, I feel like throwing up and I squint my eyes and contort my face (even more these are not enough to prove the fact that I'm disgusted because I think I could be just faking it, lying to myself), and maybe in that mixture of distressing sensations there is an element of denial of the horrible truth. There have been a lot of triggering moments when I genuinely thought to myself that I was attracted and that made me feel desperate, wanting to cry.

Peace to you all. I have sexual and contamination ocd. Being a father has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. Having ocd has made it challenging for me and unfair for my wife as I often burden her with seeking reassurance. Im a devout Muslim and value my family deeply. So being born with pocd and sexual ocd along with traumatic experiences throughout my life has been unbearable at times. Im also in the middle of moving to back home to my country and trying to balance work and family duties has flared my ocd. The other day i was multi tasking. My wife was talking to me and asked me to change our childs diaper, I was running late to a meeting while trying to get ready myself. I normally wash my hands after I change the babies diaper because of my contamination ocd. However due to the stress I was rushing I went straight to the toilet for myself before I left for a meeting an hour away. Since I didnt wash my hands and used those “dirty hands” for my own personal hygiene using the restroom the OCD said if i wipe with those hands its sexually inappropriate because I used it to change my babys diaper and didnt wash. I remember being mindful of the thought. Normally i would wash my hands or use s side of the toilet paper that didnt touch my hands. I was going back and forth in my head until i just wiped with the side that touched the hand i used to change my babys diaper and went about ny day. And since i used that hand for her hygiene snd my own my sexual ocd and contamination ocd has been freaking out saying i did something sexually inappropriate. Saying did i act on the thought “Why didnt i use the clean side? Why did i forget to wash my hands”. I feel like if i were to clean my hand it may be giving into s compulsion but if i dont than im doing something wrong snd inappropriate. It bothers me because its against my core values, i have no history of anything inappropriate, but ocd convince me this time its real or this time i did something bad or this time i had a ill intent. I cant afford therapy and dont have insurance coversge. Its been bothering me for a week and im unable to perform at work and am distancing myself from my family. I talked to my wife snd she reminds me im a good person. Its ocd. I didnt do anything. Othr people wouldnt worry about this. Please advise! 💔

I was 26. Seemingly normal (albeit) anxious man. Was with a newish gf. Seemingly at the same time I had some performance issues, I had the thought come in “you don’t feel anything for her” Instant loss of libido, instant loss of every emotion except pure dread/anxiety. It consumed me - the why? It was like I was being forced to feel something I didn’t want? And I couldn’t stop it. In my obsessive search for ‘why’ the thought changed to ‘am I gay?’ And exactly the same dread/anxiety overcome me. For months. My life became just solely focussed on ‘where is my attraction to women gone?’ ‘Searching my past for proof’ ‘checking my emotions’ ‘googling’ ‘figuring out how?’ ‘Was this true?’ I’m now 36. I’m married and have a young son. But my life has again been consumed by this. It’s like my mind seeks evidence to prove something I don’t want to be. And it’s so all consuming and all questioning that it feels like I actually want it? It gets so bad that I’ll even doubt I find it distressing and that I’m just making it up so I don’t have to tell my wife :/ It’s so distressing. Up until this thought came in, I never had to question what I wanted. I just knew I liked thinking about girls. I wanted to be close to them. There was never a thought about a guy? Doesn’t that mean I’m straight? Surely by 26, there would have been some incling of physical or romantic attraction to a man? But I’ve never felt the same since that day 10 years ago. It’s like I’ve lost the ability to feel happiness and to feel libido and attraction. Almost like I’m unable to until I figure it out? I’ve been diagnosed twice by psychologists. But it ‘feels’ like I don’t agree with them or I doubt it. My psych has been pushing me to practice response prevention. Sit with the anxiety of how real it feels. Accept it may be true and sit with the anxiety that causes. Ground myself in moments. The anxiety is so consuming. And I’ll go 3-4 days without looking for reassurance, ruminating, checking, but then it’s like a ‘feeling’ of ‘this is true, you know it’ and it destroys me. I panic, give in, and seem to compulse. Does this resonate with anyone? Is it still not getting any better after years because I keep doing the compulsions? Or am I just a gay person who didn’t realise till later in life and found out through losing feelings for my gf? Please help