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Am i not authentically straight if i choose to identify based on how i want to live my life and how i want to be attracted vs if i have attractions that fall into the category

i dont know if this falls under perfectionism ocd or not but i obsess over the way i look its used to be horrible i was diagnosed with ocd 3 years ago and i was hospitalized for anorexia nervosa a year ago and thats when it all started i was a big guy and i wanted to lose weight because i never felt comfortable in my body. when i started losing weight i was healthy and eating balanced meals, i wanted faster results though so i started eating less and less and thats when i retained the mindset of “i have to be perfect” i started to do lots of skin care, gua sha, and ice rolling. although this is normal it wasnt for me, i was obsessed with being perfect all i wanted to be and do was to be perfect i wanted to be an object of obsession. i think this sense of dread of wanting to be perfect came from neglect from my family my whole life, i touch my face all day feeling for any crease or fold and when i do i apply heavy ammounts of moisturizer this also happens to effect my face because the moisturizer is causing me to break out but i cant stop, i am obsessed with the thought of when i get wrinkles or smile lines i will be ugly and nobody will want me i use moisturizer as a thought distressing thing i guess? it helps me feel like i am not aging because my face is well moisturized. When i noticed these bumps on my face i was looking in the mirror up close with a light shining directly above me i knew that this would accentuate everything on my face but i still somehow convinced myself this is how everyone sees me. im tired of applying moisturizer and ruining my skin because i think ill get wrinkles, i cant laugh, smile, chew big things, mouth breath, and drink from straws. i force myself to a straight face when something makes me laugh because that causes wrinkles, i know that this is some sort of ocd because i noticed a pattern of my ocd feeding off of things, as an example i used to struggle alot with soocd (sexual orientation ocd) which caused me to have a fear of being attracted to men which then turned into my looks by telling myself “i could never even date anyone anyways im too (comment about my apperence)” then after i lost all my weight i started becoming obsessed with my face and the way it looked constently nagging or making fun of myself and doing impulsive things like hitting my nose to make me feel better, now it turned into a fusion of how i look and how im aging, i constantly non stop compare myself to the most herrendous things that arent even human and i have to ask the people around me if i look like them. ive always been told i wae attractive or could be a model and i was very good looking by family friends and random people but i never beleive them i always would tell myself they are lying ot they are just making fun of me. apologizing for getting off topic but a conclusion of what im dealing with is i feel like i am aging so much and i constantly apply moisturizer to my face, touch my face, and ask people if im getting wrinkles. i cant tell if this is ocd or just insecurity but i lose sleep over this with constant wonder if i am good enough.

I love my husband very much. I feel at peace when I’m with him and I like to make him happy. But ever since the soocd kicked in, I can’t stop thinking about whether im an imposter. What if I’m actually not straight and this whole time I was just going by what society told me was right - liking guys. What if when I was little I forced myself to crush on guys because my dad is homophobic? I had a sexual dream with another girl and it was like if I could control my actions and thoughts in the dream and I didn’t stop myself. That scares me so much. I just don’t want to hurt my husband in the future if I ever figure out if my true self is not who I thought I was. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s truly ocd or denial but it consumes my thoughts alllll day!

I seem to be just letting the thoughts and ruminating go through my head and not challenging it, not even agreeing with it, but not doing anything. Like it's all being considered, making it feel real. Is this what is supposed to happen? It's making me feel like something I'm not because not fighting it. My whole life has convinced me anyway. I don't like it. It's making me feel like someone I'm not. I've elevated all the false stuff and now I'm letting myself go with it.

Let me start by saying that I am not diagnosed but I suspect I have OCD. I came out as a lesbian girl 6 years ago but lately I have very often intrusive sexual thoughts about men. These thoughts make me feel disgusted, annoyed, anxious and uncomfortable but I can't help but check every time I can whether I'm attracted or not. I don't want to get married to a man, I don't want to have sex with men or even have any kind of relationship but at the slightest trigger I start to think I'm hiding something. I know everyone has noticed that I'm slowly shutting down, I'm no longer the same but I can't say what's going on in my head. Could it be OCD? and how do I stop thinking about it?

18+ Please any help/advice I used to love the tv series full house when I was teen. I always loves Stephanie. I thought she was adorable and funny so I adopted her personality. Although I thought by doing this it would make me ‘cute’ and ‘quirky’ and would act like her around boys. But my ocd is telling me I’m a p for this as the character was like 5 and I was 17/18. I’m ashamed in myself that I used the personality of a 5 year old to try and attract and impress boys, like I was doing it for s*xual gain, surely that’s s*xualising her? I feel awful, I’m so scared I’m a p.

Cause I did find masc lesbians already attractive before. I didnt want to do anything sexually but I liked their appearance because they look like men...but then I read about a girl realizing She didn't want to date a masc lesbian cause She was used to the thought of liking guys and date them and maybe I have the same problem. Cause if I like the way they look and I find them attractive what's stopping me? Just the vagina? It has to be denial.

How can to tell the difference actually being gay or hocd I’ve been struggling with this I don’t want to be gay the thought of it scares me and I’ve always liked women but suddenly I get these intrusive thoughts of possibly being gay and it scares the crap out of me but if feels so real. It’s so much lately that I feel like a certain attraction to same sex but I feel it’s like a false attraction. I’ve had ocd for a few years now it was only contamination and a bit of pocd but now it’s this theme . Please help? Anyone go thru this ? How can you tell the difference am I really turning gay or is this HOCD? I obsess about this day and night it gives me a lot of anxiety I fear it being true my thoughts

I can almost remember the day this all first started. I was in high school, the year was 2019, and I was watching a horror movie in theaters with my friends. The movie was The Prodigy. At the very beginning of the film, there’s a scene where a woman gives birth to a child, and then it cuts to a shot of a completely naked baby. Child nudity has always bothered me severely, but this stayed with me for weeks. I couldn’t enjoy the rest of the movie because I was so bothered by it and it eventually started to plague my personal life to the point where I was questioning myself and getting extremely uncomfortable around life. Eventually, I ignored it and after a week, it went away. A few months later, I watched the film The Boondock Saints. During the scene where Willem Dafoe is making out with another man while he’s dressed as a woman, I felt something happening in my pants. At first, I panicked and checked to see if it was an erection, and was relieved to see that it wasn’t the case, because I’m not gay, I’ve never had the urge to do anything with another man before, and I’m certainly not opposed to my own sexuality. I could care less if I’m gay, straight, bisexual, etc. But because I felt something in that moment, I questioned myself every day since. I’ve tested myself many times and I’ve always came up with the same answer: I find men attractive, but not sexually attractive. Eventually, after battling with it for three years, I decided in 2022 that I had enough. I couldn’t go out in public or be around another man without staring at them for prolonged periods of time; it didn’t matter who it was. I would get extreme anxiety, but I was compelled to keep doing it. I get a tingling, almost burning sensation in my genitals that convinces me I’m having an erection, which further coerces my thoughts, thus making me want to do things I don’t want to do. I always snap out of this state but I can’t prevent it from happening. I tried doing what I did before with children and ignore my OCD until it went away, but this time it didn’t work. I eventually fell into the rabbit hole again with POCD and, to his day, have struggled severely with both to the point where I avoid going anywhere outside of work and home in fear I might do something I might regret. Even after I snap out of it, eventually, the intrusive thoughts come back again and I feel like I’m in danger to myself and others. I have no way of beating this at the moment, so I hope this app helps.

I feel like there’s two versions of me. I feel like there’s an evil version where my OCD wants me to do urges and be bad and prove I am this person and it is so convincing and it feels like me. Then another version of me where I’m like “duh that’s not me”. But I’m terrified the bad version will win. It feels like “I want” to think of these thoughts. I had a moment today where I was like “yeah I would be this person if it wasn’t illegal” and believed it. Then came out of it and was like “no that’s not true”. I also found myself feeling like I wanted to think of a bad sexual thought during sex.

Does anyone else have some “fun” ways they’ve noticed their main reoccurring thought/fear with SO OCD or OCD in general change as you’ve worked on accepting your thoughts? When I really fell down the rabbit hole of SO OCD at the start it centered around, the possibility, that I repressed my sexuality due to a past experience I may have blocked out as a child. As I got started with ERP my main fear of repression then went to that of being in denial. Eventually that moved to a main fear of being a late bloomer with OCD then to a centered fear of not having OCD at all However if the passing thought that caught me after my therapy session today was anything to go by, it may me switching now to using my comfortability of seeing gay scenes and attacking me for not acting on my thoughts if I’m so comfortable with them. Like I’m not truly comfortable with it unless I go out and act on my same sex thoughts It’s funny to see OCD switch tactics/reasons as I grow more and more comfortable with my thoughts, but also frustrating because it still got me distressed for a moment with that new thought after my session today and wishing that that thought doesn’t stick.

Does anyone else struggle with sexual orientation OCD? I am a male who identifies as straight but for awhile Thought that I was bi sexual cuz I thought I was experiencing same sex attraction, but now that I’ve become aware that sexual orientation OCD is a thing and has a name, I can see that that is what I was struggling with. Yet, I’ve still had people say to me that I am gay and this n that, and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s cuz I am not as masculine as other men? Maybe cuz I have a higher voice? Maybe cuz i don’t have that strong alpha male posture? I overthink this. Just cuz someone told me that they think i am gay, doesn’t mean I am. This is where my Sexual orientation OCD kicks in, & I start thinking oh my gosh well if this person n that person n that person thinks im gay, then maybe i am! But the thing is is IM NOT! I am attracted to women and I wanna be married and have kids, & I can see how I have been obsessing about my orientation because of what others have said about me. Anyone else dealt with this?

I’ve been with my partner since I was 20. I had one relationship prior to him and little dating experience because I was religious/ covid happened. I’m having extreme OCD that I haven’t dated enough people to see who is truly out there for me/ everyone else has more experience than I do. On top of this, I believe I am bisexual and have never been with a girl (but I have sexual orientation OCD as well so who knows.) What is the best way to go about this that aligns with ERP? Would breaking up my perfectly healthy relationship be giving into my compulsions just to go date others?

Anyone deal with sexual thoughts regarding family members? Makes me sick. I know it’s OCD and I’m constantly trying to remind myself I’ve been here with other content before but it’s so disturbing. Also has anyone had past themes resurface again? Thank you in advance to whoever shares.

So I've started having obsessive thoughts about my mom's sexual orientation too. I think that she's not straight, I've noticed many times that she admires beautiful women a lot.. like a lot which I find a bit weird (I don't know if it's because of my hocd) but I've started having doubts about her orientation too, I feel the urge many times to ask her out that whether she's into women or not, I feel this urge to tell her about LGBTQ stuff to see her response (she don't know properly about LGBTQ coz this is a taboo in my country and only younger generation knows and aware about such stuff).. I've always have urges to ask her about her sexuality, I know it's weird but this is what my HOCD wants me to do. She still in touch with her school's best friend and I've doubts that she might have done something with her best friend in the past as she studied in girls school. I reassure myself that "no, she might just admiring the beauty of women etc" but the obsessive thoughts about my mom's sexuality give me urges to yell at her that's she's not straight or ask her out. You might be thinking that why do I care about her orientation but if I get to know that she isn't straight then I can't able accept myself as a straight girl coz according to my brain, a bisexual woman can't have straight daughter.. Idk but it is what it is..😔

Why is it making me think I like these things, when I don't, just because I'm not disgusted by them? And I think this person is nice, if a bit odd, but because of that, it's telling me I must like her and I'm getting a response that feels real, all because of the way I'm assuming they look at me, and makes me uncomfortable, but I'm not shying away from it. (But anything that seems remotely sexual with anything sends off things in me, like sexual disturbing things and makes me think I like them too because they seem sexual. Same with kids). But I don't want it but, my god, it feels so real. It's messing with me, it's going "you like her." And I'm not always fighting it, which brings on more response, which makes me more convinced and then it gets persistent. I've never had anything like this. Please does this sound familiar?

I found out i was gay after being groomed at 14, and thats haunted me forever. As if my sexuality is illegitimate. I have memories that after all of that happened and i distanced myself from it, i remember i was in a depressive stupor, and I had to figure out for certain if i was really gay or if it was the grooming. I remember being constantly tested every day for months, feeling like theres this voice in my head tearing away at me. The memories were repressed, but slowly discovering them again, i cant help but wonder if that was also OCD. Ive come to understand this is something ive struggled with for a very long time, but I didnt re-experience until my 20s.

So I just downloaded this app to see if it could help. For the past few years I’ve been wondering if I have OCD. I know I should ask to talk to a therapist about it but I’m too scared to ask my parents because I don’t want them to think I’m broken. I got put in school therapy a few months ago for my depression and anxiety but I was too scared to tell her about my intrusive thoughts because I didn’t want to be told that I’m insane pretty much. Forgive me, I don’t know the names of the different ocd types, but pretty much this is what I experience: constantly throughout the day I have thought that I’m secretly a pedophile and these might be the worst ones. I have had really bad thoughts I’ve had for months now is that there’s a person or an entity under my bed so I physically will not stand within a foot of my bed because I seriously believe that a hand will come out and grab my ankle or that I’ll see eyes. This thought has been affecting my sleep for weeks now too because if I don’t have my sleep mask I think I’ll look up and see a person. The reason I don’t know if it’s OCD or not is because I don’t really have any physical compulsion. It’s mostly I just have to scream over the thoughts in my head and tell myself to please stfu. A big thing I struggle with is I think really bad thoughts and I can’t stop no matter how much I want and I get so so so scared that I’m going to manifest it by thinking about it too much and then I can’t stop thinking about it even more. Another thing is that I’ve had a few different periods throughout my life where I was so scared to be near my dad because what if he was a pedo??? I’d heard so many crime stories about that but the thing is I love my dad and I know that it’s not true, like I know it for 100% that it’s not right or true but I still think it and dwell on it for no reason. I also have a really bad thought because I have almost no memory of my childhood for no reason, like I can’t remember anything specifically traumatizing that would cause it but because I don’t remember it i get really caught up on the idea that I could’ve been m0lested or something by a family member and I just can’t remember. Another one I struggle with is with my sexuality. I’ve been trying to figure out my sexuality since 8th grade (I’m in 11th now) and I settled on lesbian a while ago but the reason I have barely come out to someone is I feel like I’m a big faker and I am constantly second guessing myself and I just can’t stop thinking what if I come out to everyone and then in a year I realize I don’t even like girls and then I just solidified the horrible stereotype of sexuality phases and now I’m a horrible person??? But I know it couldn’t be that because I’m sure I like girls? There was also a period where I genuinely was worried I was trans even though I didn’t feel like a man at all and my whole world was crashing because I kept thinking what if I actually am and then I have to go through rhat whole process and everyone will hate me. Another thing is I love to clean and when my home is cluttered I feel like I can’t think and I feel like I’m going crazy but that might not be related to this. Anyway that’s only a fraction of my thoughts I have so many I can only remember a few but is it actually OCD? Should I talk to someone about it? Or am I just being dramatic? Sorry for this whole thing but I have no one to talk to about it

To those with HOCD, this may be triggering. Just know that my experience is DIFFERENT from the norm. For me, when I was 13, I had an intrusive thought about being into women. So I compulsively checked every night by thinking about women naked to see if I felt anything. I physically DID feel stuff (though that may have been groinal response because I wasn’t sure yet how I felt about the idea of liking women) Eventually though, I slowly accepted it. Part of me is now worrying that because it was born or OCD, I may not actually be bisexual and just have been mistaking groinal response for attraction this entire time. ….except for the fact that at a certain point, I wasn’t distressed by the idea of being into women. It stopped being a fear or an intrusive thought of ‘what if?’ And instead I realized, “wait… this is kinda fuckin swag. Women are kinda cool??? Fuck yes???” Which I feel is the big difference between other people’s experiences with sexuality OCD and my experience. Either way, it’s ok! It can be uncomfortable to not know who we are or have a label for that, but that’s a part of life. We are ever changing and that’s normal. If it turns out I’m not actually bisexual, that’s ok! I’ll be glad to find that out in my own time and discover more about myself naturally. Have a lovely day, everyone! :3

My head is a crazy mess. My SO-OCD is now focused on a particular person, and so every time they come into the room a get anxious, I get uncomfortable, it makes me panic in my head and a my head thinks is "you like etc" and creates a false narrative and false response/attraction that feels so f***ing real. The worst thing is, I didn't always get anxious, but I'm still not interested, but my mind starts playing scenarios in my head as if they were, and it's thoughts. Plus, subconscious worry of them popping into my head and they've are, all the time and it creates more false responses which makes me anxious, which then makes my mind go "omg you do" which makes it worse. All because she comes across as been interested which, with my so-ocd (and pocd) flare up), just makes me panic and my mind starts thinking all sorts. I think I now do this over any girl who I think is gay. I'm seeing a guy a like, I'm anxious because of self esteem issues, I'm awkward, I don't want to embarrass myself and look stupid, say the wrong thing etc, at the same time scrutinising him, then panicking because I'm analysing and, today, while we're making out a bit, never allowing myself to get into it because I'm afraid of messing up etc and I'm socially awkward and I'm hyperfocused on what's happening and, guess who pops into my head mid intimacy and makes me panic and then then get immediate things. The SO-OCD has blocked everything in general with him and guys. I hate this so much because it feels so convincing and yet I know it isn't because I'm not interested but all the time my head is like "oh god, you/I do etc." Which makes it more intense. I mean I had this in a classroom full of kids last week but it was more generalised. But my POCD has also been focused on a couple of individuals (with responses) and it made me feel I was attracted. Does this make any sense to anyone?