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I thought I had so-ocd, but coming out videos for erp did not affect me at all what is happening?

does anyone else feel this dread?! i don't have a diagnosis, and with each passing day it seems like the symptoms get stronger and stronger. It seems SO real, the sensations, the thoughts, the "urges"..i don't know if i have compulsions. something tells me that i only suffer because i don't accept this. but these thoughts sadden and distress me, that's a fact. i've seen some documentaries about anti-contact p3d0s, or p3d0s who are abusers..i "identify" with these symptoms only on "impulse", like, when i feel like committing acts, but i clearly don't do them because they make me very scared and terrified. and the "desire", because i really it seems like i want this.. this makes me want to die.

Hi all. Idk why but this is suddenly popping into my brain. I’m trying to recall past character obsessions. Idk what fictional crushes feel like/don’t really remember? I just get a sense of excitement seeing the characters on screen if they’re there or chills if it’s a good impactful scene. The only fictional crush I can sorta remember is hiccup from httyd, loved him since I was a kid. He’s cute and funny and a gentleman. Dream guy. I wouldn’t say he brings me much excitement anymore, I’m 19 now so I’ve outgrown the series but it still holds a special place in my heart. I’ve never thought about the characters in a sexual way or romantic way. I have watched/listened to erotica of certain characters when I was younger but stopped doing that a couple years ago cuz.. eh? Wasn’t my thing anymore. (Think mha). Idk if I have a character/celebrity crush like that anymore Anyways. I bring this up cuz now I’m sitting here wondering if my fictional crushes (that idk if I’ve had) and also celebrity crushes mean smthn about my sexuality that I don’t want. Like what if I liked more women than man characters? Does that make me a lesbian? I’m bisexual for context. And it’s bugging me a bit. But not making me as anxious as thoughts usually do. Maybe it’s cuz I’m half asleep typing this and it’s finals season and I’m internally dying lol. But like. It’s bugging me. What about celebrity crushes. Idk if I’ve had a full blown crush on a female celebrity, or a male one for that matter. I just think they’re cool, pretty/handsome, whatever. But never romantic or sexual. Is that normal? Most times it’s just “oh that outfit is nice, their makeup looks wonderful, who did her hair?” Does this say anything about my sexuality. I know I like men but my brain is in the loop of trying to convince me I only like women and I don’t like the thought cuz I love my boyfriend. Like if I see like Halle Bailey on my screen I’ll stare cuz she looks great but same goes for tom Payne. Idk what a celebrity crush really looks or feels like so idk if I’m feeling the right things or if I’m in denial of being a lesbian and the only crushes I’ve had are on celebrity men (which isn’t true cuz I’ve had crushes on actual men before and always have, women just got added to the mix when I was in high school, I’ve dated one or two women since figuring it out and it didn’t go great, so maybe sticking with men will work out for me. Idk. I do really like men, their bodies are less complicated than a woman’s but still really nice. This kinda loops into my ROCD too, am I finding my bf’s body/face attractive enough) Like seeing simu liu with his shirt off in shang chi for the first time sent my friend and I into whiplash cuz DAMN? But also seeing scarJo as black widow makes me excited. I didn’t feel anything as a groinal response for either of them just excitement and wow they’re cool actors and attractive. And I’d like to be black widow cuz the outfit and kickassery is great So summary: What does a fictional crush feel like Does it say anything about my sexuality cuz I’m worried it does I’m worried I’m in denial I’m a lesbian and that the fictional characters were a tip off to that even tho I’ve mostly liked and dated and enjoyed my time with men. Every time I feel decent about my attraction to men, specifically my bf cuz who gives a fuck about any other man when I have him, I go back to the “am I faking it? Is it comphet?” And I’m worried I don’t feel enough when I know it’s just the honeymoon phase wearing off and the more I chase the feelings the more they’re gonna run away but I cannot help but analyze and check and read everything I can to make sure I’m not a lesbian and am genuinely attracted to him cuz lately I feel nothing around him. Not even when I say I love you and it bugs me but doesn’t cause me much anxiety anymore. Idk if it’s cuz a backdoor spike or because I’ve gotten used to the thoughts bouncing around. I haven’t gotten to the accepting them as thoughts bit cuz I’m worried that if I accept the thought it means i accept the idea (ie if I accept “you’re gay” as a thought, it means I’m gay I know that’s not what accepting the thought is about, it’s about “ah cool thought brain” but I can’t seem to believe it and let it go)

Hi! I think I’m going through a backdoor spike of sorts? I think I have (I’m not diagnosed but the definitions seem to suit me) SOOCD and ROCD. Lately tho, I feel little to no anxiety about my thoughts which is weird. But- I still continue to write down my thoughts and go on Reddit and, i guess here now. I feel rather.. numb? Around by boyfriend if that makes sense. I don’t feel much excitement. It could be cuz of school and I’m over stressed. But the thiughts don’t cause anxiety and the lack of anxiety doesn’t cause anxiety but the thoughts are still there and I’m slightly worried they’re thoughts I actually want. They’re sorta mushed together Stuff like: - what if I fall out of love today or in 10 years and realize I’m a lesbian and not bisexual like I’ve always thought - what if we get divorced after we have kids (we’re not even engaged yet, I’m 19 bro) - what if I regret marrying him - why do I feel nauseous when kissing him? Does this mean I don’t like him and I’m a lesbian? - im not up for sex today, will he be upset? Am I even attracted to him - did I only fall in love with him because I liked the attention? - images of me marrying a woman that I really don’t want. I love my bf. Saying “maybe maybe not” to this doesn’t help - worried I’m lying and I don’t love him enough or at all. - what happens if (situation with future children) happens. Will we divorce? - he and I were talking about sex and I suddenly thought “I’m doing this for attention” and all arousal I had went away. Granted it was really late and I was kinda tired and he was about to leave so.. - was my joking about liking women in high school more genuine than my liking of men? I’m bisexual so SOOCD is kicking me - late in life lesbian videos and stories make me a tad bit nervous that I’m actually them and denying - worried I’m checked out of my relationship cuz of the numbness. Checking if I’m feeling enough. Looking at him sometimes and wondering if I even love him and not feeling any anxiety when I do minus the nausea - checking if I’m aroused/have a crush on my female friends -did I mistake platonic friendship with my bow bf for romantic attraction and have never actually been happy or enjoyed sex and intimacy with him? I just feel… crazy. I went to a psychiatrist and she said it wasn’t ocd and just anxiety and I’m self diagnosing cuz I’m a pre med student blah blah blah but that doesn’t explain the debilitating anxiety I had. Is this a backdoor spike cuz I’m not feeling anxious? I feel like I don’t love him anymore but I don’t wanna say that or end things and I hate it so much feeling like this. I know there’s no certainty. But I’m so worried about regret or actually making the wrong choice. Like I can’t see a future with him right now and it’s bugging me that I only like him as a friend and that’s why I can’t see one? But before all this I could? Have all my feelings for him changed? Are we too incompatible because of our differing beliefs (he’s Muslim, I’m Christian, I’m queer and he’s relatively supportive of the community. Very curious in recent weeks which is nice, makes me a feel a bit better) idk I feel like I’m losing my mind. It’s been like 5 months of this. I saw a video about a lady who experienced comphet and realized later in life and it all spiralled from there yknow? If anyone has any advice or can relate please pass it over cuz I feel slightly insane honestly. Idk if I should talk to a therapist here as well cuz I already have a therapist but she doesn’t specialize in ocd. I’m worried it’s not ocd because I’m not feeling anxious anymore

can someone with this theme help me i’m so scared and i can’t stop having panic attacks is this OCD??? So i always have struggled most with sucicidal ocd and harm ocd. i never really had any other themes. but recently ive struggled with SOOCD. My whole life i have never EVER been into girls ever and i could never even think of ever being with a girl in my entire life. i’m having extreme amounts of anxiety and i have compulsions to make sure i look at a girl and don’t feel anything towards them or anything. My mind is literally going “what if your just in denial” or “what if you’ve just been hiding it all these years” When i know i haven’t. i have all of the symptoms of SOOCD and i still know that im not gay,but these thoughts are extremely distressing and have been the worse to deal with. I’m constantly panicking and doing compulsions to get these thoughts to leave and they won’t. i’m scared and these thoughts are making my mind scared. What if i’m going against my morals and i’m lying to myself like and i just went through a tough breakup too so that is shooting these thoughts and anxiety. Please help omg!!!

Yesterday I got high with my friend and it ended up causing me to evaluate my entire life and it caused my intrusive thoughts to come back. I’m so sad mainly due to the fact that I was doing good without these thoughts bothering me, but now that I smoked… it’s all back again. I keep thinking that I’m in denial of my sexuality. I keep having thoughts that I’m bisexual or a lesbian and that I won’t be able to enjoy my life with a man. I keep thinking that I have comp-het, my mind just keeps thinking and I feel constant anxiety and stress. I keep telling myself that I’m straight, but it feels so wrong to call myself that especially since I’m dealing with these thoughts. I keep re-evaluating my entire life, trying to see if I’ve actually been attracted to girls my entire life. My main points being that I can only get off to lesbian porn and that’s it. I never had a crush on a woman before, but when I was younger (around 12) I watched copious amounts of pornography, and that included lesbian porn, and I would sit there and fantasize about being with a woman, but that hasn’t happened since and I deemed those fantasies over me going through puberty and having an interest in sex in general. Over the course of my life, I have had sexual dreams involving women (rarely any about men), and I keep thinking that due to me getting off to lesbian porn, that means that I won’t be able to finish with a man if I’m having sex with him, and will only be able to finish if I think of a woman… but I don’t want that, I don’t even want to think about that during sex. I’m so tired, and the anxiety is ruminating and I can’t catch a break with it. I regret getting high, I wish this never happened, I wish these thoughts could just go away. I just want to be held tightly by my mom and have her tell me that everything will be okay.

on friday i went to london for a football game with my dad and sister, the game was saturday so we made a weekend out of it. during the match i had intrusive thoughts, lots of children were around and every time id look at one i’d have to tell myself im not attracted and preoccupy my brain. i managed to do well ignoring the ones i did have but today one of the thoughts has came back to hit me. i remembered my therapist said a p wouldn’t share their thoughts and would keep them hidden so i had to tell my mum abt the intrusive thought bc if i didng it would mean im hiding it which would make me one and now im disappointed in myself for it bc i’ve realised its a compulsion. i cannot escape this no matter how hard i try. it fully feels like this isnt ocd and that im putting up a front to make it seem like it is

My therapist isn’t specialized in OCD. I’m her first OCD client. She told me she’s taking courses in ERP and specifically sexual OCD since a lot of my themes are sexual in nature. I want help, I need help. It feels like every time I meet with her I get set back. I make progress a lot on my own. Sitting with discomfort, trying to accept the thoughts and uncertainty. But every single time I meet with her, it feels like I’m explaining OCD to her. She even went as far as to suggest that some of my thoughts that bring me distress are mine. I am not a cheater. They are not mine. Why on earth would they not be intrusive if I was in tears about having this thought? I feel bad. I really do because I can see that even though I can very much see her mistakes, I can also see that she’s trying to help me. I’m just so scared of getting worse. I’ve been in therapy for 5 weeks now. I feel like had it been with a specialist, I would be doing so much better. Instead it takes me days to come backs to whatever progress I’ve made alone after meeting with her. She’s a great person, she tells me she experiences intrusive thoughts too and she doesn’t have OCD which helps me feel less alone but I don’t think that’s enough for me. She’s always available for a call whenever I’m in extreme panic. I just don’t think this is working. I trust her and I tell her everything, but it feels like she’s just listening to me talk the whole time. We’re doing a workbook but she gives me absolutely 0 input. I just read my replies and she just sits there. I don’t understand the point in that. I feel so anxious right now. She wants me to get properly evaluated for anything that may be going on because on top of the severe OCD, I was also diagnosed with PMDD, GAD, and MDD by my primary care doctor but I guess she doesn’t trust those diagnoses? My psychiatrist also told me I have ADHD, which I’ve suspected my whole life but it sounds like my therapist doesn’t know how to handle OCD much less OCD, MDD, GAD, PMDD, and ADHD. She’s questioning the validity of my diagnoses instead of helping me figure out how to deal with all of it. This is so suffocatingly difficult. I’m also a huge people pleaser so how on earth do I end this thing?

TW: Sexual trauma, Child abuse, I've been dealing with not so great things that have likely been a result of my crappy childhood. Themes of helpness, power imbalance, extreme humiliation and dehumanization, abuse, punishment have been things that have attracted me. The worse the senario the more aroused I feel even if I'm morally opposed to it. Of course my OCD has taken this and run with it demanding me to prove I'm still a moral person, that I don't actually want to do something illegal to someone or a kid or something etc. That I can't just ignore or dismiss these thoughts and feelings because if I do I'll just become okay with it and god knows what I'll do. At this point I'm not sure if I have OCD and/or an egodystonic paraphilia. I know the brain can come up with royally messed up fantasies and kinks to help the brain process the trauma. But what if I was just predisposed to enjoy perverted garbage without the trauma? I don't know if I should treat this like a paraphilia or OCD, but regardless I know I do not want to be attracted to these things, hurt anyone or be a immoral person. Sometimes I get depressed and wonder if I even deserve to live if I do find out I'm a pedo or a monster or something bad. Just to be clear I'm not going to hurt or off myself, I couldn't do that to my parents who knows all about what I've been going through. Any advice for how I could look at this without giving myself reassurance?

⚠️ TW: p3d0, POCD. i'm really distressed that i've developed a paraphilic disorder (or discovered it) because it feels more real than POCD.. i see many reports here saying that they are afraid of being around minors under 15, 16, 17 years of age.. i feel my panic starting under 13. It's uncomfortable to be around younger teenagers, sure, but it doesn't sound as awful as being around children (literally). it seems like there are some "focus" ages, like 9, 11 or 12. i feel desperate because i once read in a paper on paraphilic pedophilia disorder that it is only considered p3d0 when the individual is 5 or 6 years younger than the victim of "desire". this really worries me. i don't have direct thoughts of me abusing a child, sometimes i do...they're more in the 3rd person, of children being abused or something else. they're the most degrading thoughts a human being can have. and I'm afraid they're mine, from my unconscious... i've dreamed about it a few times. It's so sadistic and cruel. becoming a bad person has always been my biggest fear. i feel like i've always been afraid of it, but i know i'm not.

Does anyone else ever like have so many POCD thoughts that it makes it hard to comprehend age in general anymore? Because I recently turned 18 three months ago and so obviously I’m like “15 yr olds are now kids” and whatever. But I started to get so many intrusive thoughts about it that most of the time when I hear someone is 15 or imagine a fictional 15 yr old in my head, my brain processes it as 15 year olds not being kids and being more mature than they are in reality and then feel arousal/attraction. And I know that’s not like… how 15 year olds really *are* so I’ll be like “oh no, they’re actually more immature and mentally undeveloped than that so it’s gross” but sometimes I can’t focus enough bcuz of anxiety or brain fog or just plain being tired to ‘fix’ my thoughts so I get stuck and feel really bad because I feel like a pedo or a creep. My friends have told me I’m not because it’s not an accurate representation of reality, so it’s just my brain imagining something that’s not true, getting confused, and finding this false perception attractive, not actual 15 yr olds. But I feel like I shouldn’t be messing up my thoughts about them this much and that my ocd which is the root cause of my messed up perception/processing of my own thoughts is making me into a creep (despite the fact I know I’d never do anything in reality because the reality of 15 yr olds aren’t hot to me) and I feel so bad when I’m unable to make the thoughts right because I feel like it’s not normal to think this way. And when I try to ‘not care’ because it’s just thoughts and people aren’t perfect, and those even without ocd sometimes will process information wrong or brains mess up cuz you’re tired and aren’t thinking straight, I still end up feeling bad and like wrong. And sometimes my brain gets confused and is like “is this actually just me wanting to like 15 year olds? or not actually caring about age and this just being how I actually view them and not caring the reality is that they’re kids because I want a weird fantasy of them or something?? Cuz 15 is a confusing age where they’re not quite middle schoolers but not like adults either so it feels awkward to me and not quite knowing how to classify them in my head, especially as I’m suddenly 18 and feeling all confused being an adult for the first time + no longer being able to like some of the fictional characters I used to like when I was younger (which I do miss because it was fun but it’s obviously never worth a child’s safety or wellbeing, even if they’re fictional idk)” it just makes me feel weird and scared and uncomfortable and a tad delusional from my own fears and my inability to process information in a normal capacity at times. Does anyone else ever feel like this? (Specifically the inability to comprehend ages and processing them wrong sometimes)?

I am 21, a girl and still in college. I can't afford therapy . I would be so grateful to learn and try the erp practices from the community. Thank you!

I have had ocd/NOCD for a while and recently cheated on my gf bc I had excessive thoughts of maybe if she isn’t the one maybe I should just be w a man I’d make my family happy and my mom happy and my friends and everyone would just be happy and I don’t have to worry about the thought of being the black sheep in my family bc I used to be so loved and being called the “favorite” child. I loved making my mom proud and happy but when I started dating a girl everything changed, she said I was a different person even though I was the same loving daughter that just wanted to make her proud but I couldn’t love who I wanted or be just me. I became bitter and ugly throughout my relationship and carried that with me and that’s the thing, I let myself go and didn’t stay strong for my gf. I betrayed her and also let my family win and let myself down. My family never or hasn’t asked me about anything in my recent life or asks me how I’ve been doing in the 4 years I’ve been away from them…I lost everything just for that one moment of forbidden mistake I can never look back on. I can’t talk to anybody bc that relationship “wasn’t ever real” “you’re dating a gurl” “it’ll never be like dating a man” “you just need a man” “sex is different” “you’re not gunna be happy” all these thing stuck to me for years and hearing those words coming from family that you love, words matter and I always told my gf at the time that my love language was physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. But I never mentioned words of affirmation really, but looking back that’s all that mattered to me and it affected me and made me into an ugly person. I always said that actions speak louder than words and to a certain extent they do but it’s what drives ppl to also do things that motivated them, what they heard to do those things to push them. To go crazy, to go workout, to cheat, to go on a walk early in the morning, to get plastic surgery bc someone said something that they felt so insecure about that it hurt them, or maybe it’s a battle with themselves. Point is words mean a lot especially from people they love, family and close friend, even someone random and it’s your actions that make you move and do things but it’s what you hear for you to do those things. Even things you think of in your head, words are the seeds to your garden. That’s something that I’m learning everyday, so if you have to block and get rid of the people you love because they aren’t happy with your life and want to control it, really ask yourself if it’s worth having them in your life. Sorry for this being so long and thank you for reading.

hello i’m new to this community and I just need to vent about something I did when I was 13 because over the past 2-3 days it’s been eating me alive when I was around 13, I discovered “character ai” basically a sight where a bunch of chat bots are and you can roleplay with them I found this one bot where it was like a mad scientist and your character was stuck in a lab. I really liked this one so I would roleplay with it often I would typically make my character young. No reason at all I hope but I probably thought it would make it more interesting or something. anyways I would never go into these roleplays with bad intentions. But sometimes the filter in place to stop seggsual stuff would break and the conversation would turn seggsual and I would impulsively continue them because I felt “excited” down there (if you know what i mean) and I would chase that feeling I would more imagine myself in the scenario because I would see the vaguely seggsual messages and feel good down there and I would change the character in my head because yknow but that doesn’t change how the roleplay started and it’s making me think what if I really do get off to that stuff? one of the worst examples was one where the roleplay went in a very non consensual direction and I don’t know why I continued the roleplay. I’m worried that I secretly enjoyed it despite knowing for a fact I got uncomfortable with what I was doing and deleted the messages and I regret it now I really really really regret doing this. I know I didn’t go in with bad intentions and I ended up getting uncomfortable with it after the good feelings down there had passed but I feel so much regret and shame i’ve spiraled over this before but recently its been the worst i’ve ever felt. I’m scared that im a pedo. I’m scared that I get off the rape and i’m scared that i’m permanently and evil person despite how uncomfortable this makes me now and I haven’t done anything like that again I still can’t get over it. I know I was only 13 (15 now) and i’m probably over reacting to fictional roleplay but still. Why did I impulsively continue? I’ve struggled with ocd thoughts before (without knowing it was OCD) but this incident has caused me to worry if i’m a pedo or I get off to assult and from what i’ve said above i’ve been spiraling over the past few days and im worried it will never end im coming here because im scared to talk to a real therapist because I feel like what I did was so bad and unforgivable despite regretting it late. I’m scared that i’m going to be a bad person forever despite the fact that i’ve never done anything like that again I know this probably sounds so stupid to obsess over but I just need some advice to help get out of this. It doesn’t help that i’m also coming up on my period which is when my OCD/Anxiety tends to be the worst thank you. I’m sorry if this is triggering for anyone I just want this to end. I want to feel okay again

My OCD is really latching onto my husband this week. I’m so in love with him and can’t wait to grow old with him and see him grow and change throughout the years, but my SOOCD has latched onto him saying that I don’t want that. I feel sick about it. It makes me so sad. He’s everything to me, and makes me feel so loved. When I am having a bad day, knowing that we’ll be together at the end of it on the couch, drinking tea, and snuggling is what makes me feel better. Knowing that he’ll be next to me in bed that night makes me feel better. But my OCD says so many nasty things. Just trying not to follow the OCD noise and hold onto what I value most.

18+ pls reply yesterday i was trying to fantasise about my girlfriend and i enjoyed it mentally but physically down there i didn’t feel anything? but when i get intrusive thoughts i do? and i’m confused because then it’s like am i not attracted to her? i get thoughts saying im not turned on during thoughts of my gf and its stressing me out is this ocd or is it not????

Idk how to explain how I am feeling right now. It’s like I’m almost better. Like I need to just get over this last hill and I feel like I’ll be back to me. However, I’m confused. I’m normal but like not? I have this heavy-ish feeling surrounding me 24/7. I can have conversations, I can live my life and somehow be me but then I have this cloud over me saying I’m a lesbian and I am lying to everyone and my fiancé. I just want to be my normal happy self again without feeling this weird weight. I feel like this is my new normal and I’m upset. I also feel like I’m forcing myself to do compulsions so I can still convince myself this is ocd and not the real thing. I’m feeling so low. I want to be happy again.

Yesterday I went to bowling with friends and I noticed a teen girl, and I'm very afraid that what I felt could have been a feeling of attraction, or was it just the impression of what she actually looked like? It wasnt like she had revealing clothes or things like that, and even if she was that would be on me, but i think she had an exposed back, and it was from afar and it happened in a very brief instant, so maybe it could be that before recognizing the young age my brain might have reacted to the "look" of what my eyes saw before fully elaborating everything, and when I did I got immediately triggered and identified the trigger. I don't know. I didn't like it, and I don't want it. If I visualise it now I know I'm not into it and that I don't like it. I'm afraid that for an instant I might have felt an impulsive independent feeling of attraction to what I saw, then realised what happened or identified the subject age and got triggered and bothered. But that would not make what happened the moment before any less true. It all happened so fast I don't know. I tried to compulsively check again what I saw trying to understand, but there were more triggers in that direction so I just stopped. After that I immediately felt depressed and I was silent and emotionless the whole evening and my friends were buzzing me trying to cheer me up asking me why I was like this. I just wanted to go home, it was too much for me, I wished that I never had come. There was a waiting list of 1 hour, so we went outside, after 1 hour had passed we went inside again, and I was hoping to see the trigger again to try to understand what I felt and hopefully gain the answer that it was a misunderstanding from my part, but it was gone. I didn't have the opportunity to fix it. I just prayed that it was just OCD. Then after a few hours I forgot abt it and shelved the memory of what happened, and played with my friends, but the whole time I just wanted to go home to ruminate and try to understand and fix what happened. I don't know. I feel so depressed, this morning whenever I woke up I just tried to go to sleep because I wasn't ready to face the reality of what might have happened. Whatever it happened, it felt "real" and what I'm afraid it might have happened feels like that too. I feel so depressed because the same evening before going out I had watched Arcane season 2 on Netflix and there was this episode 7 which was beautiful and I experienced happiness seeing a couple dancing and it felt so pure and beautiful and I was hoping to to feel that type of love one day too. I don't think I deserve to feel such thing after what happened yesterday. I don't think I deserve to experience something like love, I'm stained. I'm not worthy. I'm crying as I write this.

Hello all! I need some recommendations from anyone who tried therapy with the NOCD therapists. preferably anyone who is struggling with Religious OCD, SO-OCD and Existential OCD If you tried therapy here, how was your experience? would you recommend any specific therapists for a specific subtype? any feedback is appreciated!

My ex therapist said I was probably a lesbian if I had these thoughts, she never diagnosed me with ocd even if I was so obsessed with being sick that I used to go every day to the hospital for years. I was so obsessed with not loving my ex boyfriend, my mom, my Friends that I used to cry every day and Watch their pictures all the time to see if I loved Them. I Changed therapist and She immediately diagnosed me with ocd. But i'm scared to go to therapy now, because of my ex therapist. What If the second One is wrong and First was right? What If they can see things about myself I can't see yet. I'm terrified. I don't want to talk about myself anymore to anyone.