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It feels so terrible to doubt whether he’s “good enough” and stuff like that. I hate fighting with my thoughts. I love him and want to stick with him and I am getting immeasurable guilt to the point I’ve harmed myself :(

I just wanted to ask was it okay to talk about religion up here because I see a lot of people talking about god a lot. Since I know a lot of people have trouble with religion ocd I just want to ask how their doing and also the non Christian’s up here ?

I feel like for years I’ve never really been ‘here’. I’m just the little character in my head that’s always arguing with my brain. I try to be in the moment and enjoy things but all I can think about is how my time will run out soon and this will all be a memory. I feel like I can only live in memories. Like if I go to the beach and it’s a great day, I just think ‘this will be a great memory later’. And then I try so so hard to ‘live in the moment’ and feel (I’ll close my eyes and think of all the sensations, I’ll stare at things like a pretty flower or the sunset, I’ll just try to do things that make me feel) but I still am kinda numb. I feel emotions really strongly but don’t feel like I’m here really?? My brain tells me I shouldn’t be caring ab things bc I don’t rlly feel all that present, but at the same time I feel things too hard?? I also need my disassociation sometimes to cope with things. For example, I think I have ADHD and I have this thing where I’m really sensitive to sensations (my clothes are really uncomfortable and I get compulsions to ‘fix’ them all the time) so I kinda zone out and it helps. It also helps if someone’s mad or me or I’m going thru smthn difficult to kinda just not be there or just think of the future when everything is going to be okay. But using that to deal w the negatives also affects the positives. But even when I try to stop it doesn’t work, no matter what I ruminate about how little time I have left. Even now, my thought process is that I have to fix this problem while I’m still young before I waste my youth not enjoying things fully, but I’ve never really known how it feels like to not be “floating”, so I don’t know when I’ll even get there. Thanks if you read this all.

i have a severe problem with people pleasing. i obsess over how i look, or how i act. if someone doesn’t like something then i shouldn’t like it. or if someone likes something i don’t then there’s something wrong w me. i feel like if i don’t do or act like someone else then i’m doing it wrong. it’s tiring and i just want to not feel like this anymore. i don’t want to care ab what others think or want of me. i want my own opinion and i want my own feelings to matter to me.

i literally just joined this app, so i kinda just wanted to share my ✨wisdom✨ on my ocd (and maybe help me figure out the timeline of this bc it’s been a rollercoaster ride these few years) here’s my story: i never really noticed the thoughts at first so i don’t really know when they started. i just know about 5 years ago i started noticing a problem. i think the earliest thoughts and compulsions i remember was when i was like 8, but at the time i didn’t think much of it. i was in the car on my way to church, and for some reason i told myself that my right side of my body was God’s side, and the left was the bad side. so i had to do everything on God’s side and if i accidentally did anything on the bad side, i’d have to do it way more times on the good side. I would move my toes so much on the right side that it started to hurt. i guess that’s where it started. i noticed in Church i would get bad thoughts abt Jesus being naked and other sexual things that are too triggering to me (even still) to mention. this kinda repeated until i stopped going to church but at the time i kinda developed a new subtype of ocd: Pure Ocd. this one tortured me for a year. it was so bad that i eventually told my mom and got put on medicine from a doctor who assumed i was just depressed. then the religious ocd came back (i mean it never really left but other thoughts were more concerning at the time.) but this time it more aggressive, and the compulsions were to hard not to do. every time i felt i had sinned, i had to pray. i was praying constantly bc of this and praying for forgiveness of the thoughts that never stopped. i was convinced something was truly wrong w me. this subtype has never went away, never gotten better. i still suffer from it and it’s a daily battle. it wasn’t until i looked up my symptoms, thoughts, compulsions, that i had ocd. i did my research on it and cried bc finally there was some solution to why i was having these thoughts. i didn’t get diagnosed until last year. but when i finally got my actual therapist she wasn’t really equipped to help me with ocd specifically. she helped w my anxiety (which ik ocd is an anxiety disorder but how could she truly understand my thoughts if she doesn’t understand my disorder?) eventually i felt okay with my anxiety so i kinda quit therapy. but i still stress over my thoughts, i still have compulsions, and idk if they’ll ever go away. i definitely missed a lot in this and i’ve definitely had other subtypes but religious ocd and pure ocd have been the most brutal. thanks for reading <3 and if you have any questions lmk bc im not a very good writer lol

I’m 17 and have had two crushes maybe three (I’m not sure anymore). One when I was 12 & the other at 16. A great majority of my other crushes have been of my other crushes have been on celebrities. I stumbled on a tiktok post saying that if you’ve had celebrities crushes then it means your a lesbian. I’ve been spiralling about this and ruminating. I’ve never saw my self together with a woman. But now my brain is trying to convince me by intrusive thoughts 24/7 or a even dream about the same gender (this has been especially distressing). It makes me so scared and anxiety ridden & also feel like a terrible person for being scared. Because I feel as though I’m homophobic. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD back in July. And will start treatment at the end of this month. But I’m suffering badly. My thoughts revolve around this, I struggle to do basic things now and just stay anxiety ridden. The intrusive thoughts & ruminating and trying to find the meaning for things and the researching is never ending. My brain won’t leave me alone.

I’m not entirely sure this is OCD. This seems to be a very solid and progressive app, so I will explain anyway. Maybe I have people here who can relate. I’ve recently had a severe allergic reaction, and to what, I can only assume is tree nuts. I ate pesto, which I’ve had fine before, and had throat-tightening anaphylaxis. I have never been too careful, but I’ve always known to stay away from peanuts/tree nuts due to prior experiences. When it happened, I was sure I was going to die, and I laid there for a second with so much fear, pumped with the EpiPen (and what a scary feeling that gives you!) and sensational trauma. Since, I have been having panic attacks after every single meal. I can barely eat, and all I think about is the contamination of foods, their sourcing/preparation, how much time I have to save myself, etc. An allergy test would save a lot of this worry, but I am about to go to college and can’t book an appointment beforehand. Even when it’s not, my throat feels like it’s closing during every bite, and afterwards, I have to distract myself so I don’t break down. I cannot live like this everyday with every meal, my overthinking is insatiable and makes every experience with food miserable. I hope I don’t sound crazy. Tips are much appreciated

hi so i normally struggle with ROCD but right now I have the most random anxiety and I think it might be OCD so im curious if you guys think it is or if you have any tips on how to calm down. But first TRIGGER WARNING about weight talk (nothing too triggering but just in case <3) Me and my boyfriend have gained the typical relationship weight that comes along with a new relationship. However we’ve made some bad habits and are now trying to get those healthy habits back again and eat healthier and work out more. I ordered these premade meals from factor75 because I have fibromyalgia and cooking is really difficult for me especially with school and work so the microwaveable aspect is really convenient even though I know it would be better to cook myself. But anyways after I already ordered them to come on Tuesday I’ve seen some mixed reviews some saying they love it and some saying they hate it and it’s giving me a ton of anxiety. I’m super anxious that they won’t be good or will come late and have to be thrown away etc and I’m like hyperfixated on it. I’m not sure if it’s OCD but seeing the bad reviews feels like it’s making me ruminate. I know it’s not that deep or that big of an issue but I can’t seem to get it out of my head. They’re on the pricier side so I guess that’s part of why I’m afraid they’ll be bad because I don’t want to waste the money and I want something that will work for me and help me get into better shape. Does this sound like OCD and if so what can I do? I find myself trying to look for positive reviews but they don’t seem to reassure me that they’ll be good or at least alright until I can cancel if I don’t like them. Sorry if this is a dumb post I know there’s a lot worse I could be dealing with 💓

I’m 16 (nearly 17) and I’m being a dick at the moment, I keep overreacting to things and speaking in a harsh tone, I don’t like it but I know it’s because of how bad my OCD has been at the moment, in fact it’s been horrific this is the worst I have known my OCD to get and even though my parents will give me the occasional kind or helpful words it just doesn’t feel like enough. I think Im feeling a bit badly towards them because of how badly I struggled with OCD my whole childhood and they never gave me any support or help during it, they didn’t even take me to a doctor even though I was clearly suffering mentally. I hate being angry it makes me hate myself even more and just feeds into my fears, I would much rather be depressed but they need me to function and if I try and force myself to function it just creates this anger and I hate it. I need help and wish they would stop acting like help from anywhere other that myself is impossible to obtain

Today was the worst day today. I was ruminating yet again about a past event that happened in my life (which is typical for me because that happens when I overcome an event from the past that I was ruminating over.) I had recently gone back to a compulsion the night before to gain some reassurance (thankfully there were some ppl on the internet who did me a favor and never gave me that reassurance.) But sadly, I went ahead and still found it. It wasn’t exactly what I was looking for, but I decided to accept it for what it was. I don’t want to alarm anyone because my friend told me that what I did wasn’t as bad as I had thought it was, but that thought got to a point where I was worried that if I told a hotline person about this, that they would report me to the p*lice and I would be sent to jail and personally, that freaked me out because I have school and I’m planning on going to college and that thought was ruminating in my head like crazy. I could barely focus on anything else. The only thing that helped me get my anxiety out of that thought was playing a game with my siblings, but other than that, I felt like such a stranger to my own mind. A part of me didn’t even think I was stressed out (a part of me still thinks I wasn’t) but if that was the case, then I would’ve felt better than I did in that moment. And the truth was, I didn’t feel better. I’m trying to tell myself that people make mistakes and that I don’t have to do anything crazy, but a part of me feels like a villain for not telling a mandate reporter about this, just so I could do some ‘justice’ because my religion says so. I know what my religion means when it comes to ‘justice’, but I know myself too. And I know that I’ve become a better, smarter, and more pious person than I was before. And I know that God doesn’t want me to live in this guilt and regret for a while just so I can finally live the life I want. I want to live that now, WHERE I CAN MOVE ON. My stress and my anxiety has taken such a toll on my body, I just want it to end. And I want to live peacefully, and I just don’t want to go to jail. I feel kinda alone in this world, even though I have God and my family with me. It still feels like I have so much pressure on myself that I can’t even regulate my emotions like I always do all the time, and I’ve just had enough of ‘calming down’ all the time. It’s not an insult to be mad, upset, angry, or even frustrated. Maybe that’s just telling someone something they need to know.

haven’t done any therapy yet and would like to talk to someone who has before cause i’m nervous and i just saw a woman on tik tok say intrusive thoughts are just intuition and it was so scary.

Hey guys. So I just had a pretty big relapse in my ocd, the first one since I started going to therapy. At first it was hard to accept that I had gone back to old patterns, but I’m trying to look at it as a chance to do better for myself this time. A chance to handle it with compassion, kindness and regard for myself rather than the disgust and shame I felt during my first big ocd episode. Here are some things I’ve been doing that have helped: Epsom salt baths- what I’ve realized is that it doesn’t serve me to be anxious all the time. I need to calm my body down so I can feel hunger, and have moments of clarity. And these baths help a lot - the magnesium really helps relax and give you a moment to be comfortable in your body. Remember to eat and drink enough water. Right now, your mind is running wild and your body is responding as if it’s in fight or flight mode- make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Gratitude practice- I know that it can seem really hard to find the positive during a really intense OCD episode. But what I’ve found is that if I make the effort to recognize the good in my life, even if it’s as small as “I had the money to buy myself some epsom salts to take care of myself” or “I’m grateful for that sunset I just saw” has helped me keep my spirits more alive even if my brain wants to pull me into rumination. Crying - let yourself have a release. One thing I like to do is imagine my mom or an older version of myself coming in the room and comforting me. It helps to imagine what you would say to a loved one that just had the day you had. For example: if my head really hurts from ruminating all day - I’ll take the time to drink water and take some medicine. Then I’ll think about what I would say to someone who dealt with the stress, anxiety, and rumination that I just had that day. Well a lot of times (and we want to stay away from reassurance with this) I’ll say to myself “I can’t tell you whether or not your obsessions are true. But I can tell you that I love you and I’m here for you no matter what.” And I find this is a great way of reinforcing your relationship with self as you learn to trust your ability to navigate difficult flare ups. Holding your own hand, being the support you need, can make the world of a difference. Doing exposures in real life. I’ve found that doing exposures have made me feel empowered again, even if that only lasts for a little bit. I’ve found that not planning exposures as much and just going about my life saying “Right now, what would I do if I didn’t have ocd?” Or being spontaneous anyways even if it feels uncomfortable has helped. Look objectively at your day. Are you spending two hours laying in bed in the morning before you get up? Maybe eliminating that or paring it down intentionally will help you reduce rumination. Taking supplements - fish oil, b6 vitamin, vitamin c, vitamin d are all ones I take every day and help keep my immune system up and my brain functioning a bit better. Keep a feelings journal. Staying in touch with your emotions is really important. I’ve found it to really help me break out of ocd as I can say to it “I hear you, OCD. But my inner child is really sad right now, and I’m going to direct my attention towards her rather than engage in rumination.” At the end of the day we can’t help what our brains might want to do. They might want to ruminate, mentally review, make us afraid and anxious and have irrational doubts. But we can control the ways that we treat ourselves, and what we direct our attention towards. May we direct our attention towards the good in our lives, towards care and love and moments of peace, because that will start to being more of that in. You know what they say “What you focus on gets bigger”. And I would say that especially if you are dealing with ocd - you deserve even more love and compassion - and hopefully I’ve been able to give you some tips that might help foster that as well. Feel free to add your own methods of dealing with OCD below. And hey, to anyone struggling through their own relapse right now - I get it. It sucks. But it’s also within your control to make it better - and I believe in you. I’m so proud of anyone out there fighting ocd right now. Fighting for the big, beautiful life that you deserve. Stay strong ❤️ You can do this.

My name is Maddie and I'm just a freshman in highschool, I've never truly checked out if I have OCD and I'm not trying to self diagnose, but I'm getting desperate and I relate to some of the stories from other people in here. I've had intrusive thoughts since I was a child. Or at least that's what I would call them, they started out as only a few- when I had to go to bed I had to keep my eyes closed the entire time or something bad would happen to the people I love. The next major thing I remember and I've been doing for years is having to keep a door open the entire time I'm grabbing something in the hallway. It always would cause me this weird anxiety. That was just the beginning though, for the past few months since school has ended, I've been feeling like I'm about to go crazy. Some nights were better than others. Doing even the smallest of things would "save" me. I don't feel comfortable talking about someone the things because they seem very tedious but they're not to me, I must have my door's knob touching the wall, I must put the toilet seat down, if I do something wrong I immediately have to tap to 3 or 5, volume on my TV must be an even number or a 5 but it can't be 6, and a few other things. I feel terrible all of the time and I'm not sure if it's that big of a deal, but failing to complete tasks like that make me believe something horrible and terrible is gonna happen to me or my family, things especially revolving around death. Sometimes I just have to yell in my head, I always find the thoughts weird because it's like I'm saying them but I just can't control it. - The reason I decided to write this is because yesterday i had this terrible dream where someone told me I was gonna die, I was terrified. And honestly still am, I feel like a threat to my family even tho I would never ever hurt them, I feel like something is gonna happen as I sleep - this causes me to stay up and try to distract myself. I feel like such a bad person for some of the things I feel and I almost felt like I was making up some story and almost believed it as I've been trying to sleep. I'm so tired of these thoughts and if anyone reads this and has something to say, please give me advice. Being by myself doesn't give me the same comfort as it used to.

I need help. So harm OCD is a relatively new theme for me. It’s only been happening the last few days, but it sucks. I’m taking Prozac for anxiety and I’m about 3 1/2 weeks in, so these intrusive thoughts don’t cause a lot of anxiety as much as they do just general discomfort. I can feel the anxiety start to take hold a little, but it’s mostly just discomfort and disgust in my head that I’m having these thoughts which makes it worse because there’s no anxiety so I think “do I like these thoughts?” or “do I actually want to do this?” Like today I’m making carne asada tacos and suddenly the thought pops into my head “this is human meat” and I had to check the label on the meat to make sure. Then I have a knife cutting it and my dad says something and I thought “what if that annoys me” and then the thought of stabbing him came into my head which sucked. I think this has to do with the fact that I saw a preview for the Dahmer series on Netflix and got anxiety at the urge to watch it. I’ve never been a violent person and that makes these thoughts worse. I feel like I’m a psychopath or some repressed killer who is losing their mind. Please help

I believe I’ve always had intrusive/OCD thoughts. When I was younger I always repeated phrases because my brain went “if you don’t do this your whole family will die” but it wasn’t anything too bad. However, when I was 15 I entered my first relationship. I had divorced parents and didn’t know what love was - so it ended up being abusive and I did not know. He forced me to disclose all the people I found attractive as well as all the “unpure” thoughts I had. He deemed fantasizing cheating - which I respected - but also caused for a lot of intrusive thoughts to make me freak out. He also gaslit me and accused me of cheating for the lightest things (gave my cousin a side-hug) and prohibited me from getting male friends because he thought I’d cheat (I’ve never been unfaithful or even flirted w another man. I’ve always had strong morals about it) I believe this trauma is what made my ocd what it is now, since I’m used to being accused for stuff I didn’t understand or have control over. I believe that understanding OCDs roots allows me to heal because it reminds me that I could exist without this thoughts and still had a good moral compass.

hello everyone! I wanted to share my story and see if anyone has any information that could help or would want to chat about PANDAS. I first got strep in February of this year, then again in March twice, and another time in April. Along with that I had scarlet fever, mono, and covid, all within the time frame as well. My ENT just ran a lab culture and found I’ve been carrying strep even after I was healthy. I recently started experiencing panic attacks and extreme anxiety which felt as though it came out of no where. So I’ve been doing CBT therapy and recently saw a psychiatrist who linked a lot of my symptoms to PANDAS - obsessive thoughts, trouble sleeping, etc. Does anyone else deal with PANDAS? Is there anything I should do to be medically safe? A lot or my anxiety and obsessive thoughts surround my health so this would bring me a lot of peace. Is there anything I can practice daily at home to see improvements? Please reach out!!

How do I tell the difference between Sexual Orientation OCD and actually being... a lesbian? I am in a longterm committed relationship with a man (who is pan) and i am afab kindaaaa cis? im not sure. i am CONSTANTLY questioning everything about myself. people say that questioning is beautiful and a part of life but i know that my OCD is probably making it a bigger deal (mental load and relationship wise) than it should be. I never even considered OCD could be a thing in this way before I got on this app! since me and my bf started dating i have explored a whole range of expressions, identities and even sexualities as my boyfriend encourages me to still explore my sexuality outside of him. I recently told him I wanted to abstain from sex for self-growth reasons and he has fully supported me through these months. The thought that "oh I might actually be a lesbian, how would I possibly navigate that? Do I really love him? Am I faking this entire thing? How is this fair to him?" has crossed my mind a few thousand times in the past few weeks. The thoughts were always lingering in the back of my head but turning 22, exploring my masculinity again and feeling sorta distant from him has made me all.. weird. when he says he loves me i feel weird. when he kisses me i feel weird. i still love him, i still hug him and want to cuddle. but i can't get rid of the thought that maybe i actually am gay. or maybe i'm only attracted to girls bc of my OCD? is that even possible ????!!!!! can a queer person PLEASE help me out here. i will take any insight i can get.

Hi. I’m a nineteen year old from Australia experiencing OCD. I needed some advice. I am currently enrolled in university. I finished my first semester of university in June. Since then, I have been on break. I start the next semester in August, 7th to be exact. Now, my first semester was horrible. It’s my first year of university and I completely hate it. And my OCD makes it worse. In high school, I was a top student who excelled and even enjoyed school. Now, at university I HATED IT. And as I said, my OCD made things so much worse. I experienced a lot of uncertainty towards what I wanted to do at the start of the year and that spiked my anxiety, which triggered my OCD. Being at uni made me feel so trapped in my anxiety. It’s triggers so much stress. From questioning whether I’m taking the right path, to questioning if I can succeed, to double triple and quadruple checking EVERYTHING. I’m talking my emails (it used to take me hours to read them and would sometimes cause panic attacks), timetable, due dates, assignments ect etc. I kept doing compulsions and it was so exhausted. I had to read my emails three times, i would constantly seek reassurance etc etc. I’m so terrified to go back. I almost dropped out and deferred several times. I have never experienced that kind of stress in my life. Truly. I don’t know what to do. The thought of university makes me want to throw up. I keep telling myself that I should try just one more semester, or even a couple of weeks if it’s that bad. Most of my classes next semester are online anyways, I only have to go for 2 classes. But it still makes me so miserable. And the workload added to the stress. Once i started I already had quizzes due. I don’t want to leave, and then later regretting it. I’m scared that I hate it bc of my anxiety, not bc uni is necessarily the problem. Does that make sense? I don’t want my anxiety to dictate my decisions. But I’m just so scared. I keep looking at who I was back in high school and I am not her. She was so confident and she of herself, now I’m a wreck. I need advice ASAP.

I’m sometimes plagued by thoughts about what might happen if I go to sleep and don’t wake up the next day. I hate these thoughts, especially since they just pop up. Anyone else experience this?

Is your OCD like this cause I feel like I’m alone. I have intrusive violent thoughts of killing my mom. I’ve been dealing with this since 2012 when I was just 11 no medication is working I’m to the point where I feel like I’m going crazy, having extreme anxiety every single day I wake up, I get urges images it’s like the OCD is convincing me that I will do it. I also worry about the future God am I actually going to be a murderer what is going on i’ve been feeling suicidal. What is the point of living? If I can’t enjoy life the way I want to enjoy life. Rather my OCD is interfering with my life and daily tasks. In and out of mental hospitals, nothing is working. Why am I here and what is the point of me to suffer with this disorder if there’s a God, please take me with you I don’t longer want to live this life of worry.