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I don’t wanna say what disease or illness is making me over think because I don’t wanna trigger anyone but I’ve had a really bad spike :( anyone know how to cope with severe health anxiety and rumination

I set the class color of my analytical chemistry course in canvas to a bright yellow using hex numbers because that’s what I feel like it should be, but that color only shows up online and in the apps it matched it to the closest pre-set color. I’ve been changing the color all semester to try to get it right because I’m afraid if it’s the wrong color I won’t take the class seriously enough and give it the attention it needs to do well. It had been the same color as a chem course I took a year ago and didn’t do so well in, so I didn’t want to think of this class like I did that one. Then I set it to bright red to give it importance, but that didn’t seem right either. Do any of you feel this way about things sometimes?

I live on this small island … very small. Since I was in 2nd grade I have no memories but remember my feelings. I HATED it here. Like seriously I’d constantly wish I could run away and move. So I don’t feel suffocated and trapped. My situation with my parents didn’t help. I wanted to leave everybody, everything, just…..fade? I thought of how it might be to have parents that care about you. Your feelings… your thoughts. It’s been just me and my imagination, my inner voice and all of my thoughts for years. I’d drift away and talk to myself in my head constantly making scenarios or imagining things. Anything to not be in the moment I guess. But now sadly it’s something constant that I can’t fully control. I drift away when I need to be aware and attentive; forgetting what I’m doing or how to do something. Having to re-focus and not drift away again! Little me…. Trapped on this island no friends and nothing to do finally cracked around the time covid started. Online wasn’t for me making everything 10x worse. I couldn’t focus on anything at all, my memory empty, listening to words…. what’s that? It’s like I forgot how. I was— in my own words “brain dead” completely not here. So that year I failed…. Got held back a grade. At this point I’m devastated but I come back into reality? Like my brain has teleported. The shock from my failure waking me up. Oh to be aware…. The depression. It all hit me crushing me killing my brain… I had been depressed that whole year but I just slept and ignored it so me having realized my feelings I’m now broken? Fast forward I end up in the same grade but depression doesn’t help so I basically give up. I fail but got put in an alternative school to make up the grade so I don’t get held back again (thank god). I was somewhat smart ig… before covid at least. I got all As without ever studying or trying because everything just “made sense” in my brain. I get into this alternative school and we take these assessment tests, they basically told me that I scored very high and they’d like to take the chance of sending me to 9th without me having to make up my 8th credits that year. An opportunity! I say yes, though it was a hard year I made friends and lifted myself up at the end. Now I’m in 10th and still hate it here but i can bear it. Or can I? I’ve thought of moving to Tennessee after high school to live with my grandma who is walking distance of the university, everything is really convenient and I’d love to be close to family because it’s something I value. But last week I went to Tennessee with my mom just for a week and realized how much moving now and finishing my two years in the states would benefit me. I’m very serious about what I want to do and my aunt is also in the same career field. She told me she could help me with those opportunities and even get me some other opportunities where I can make money while in school those years. I would have a jumpstart on feeling comfortable in that state and would already be familiar and established. Meeting people and making friends is wayyyy easier in high school too which I feel I’d be more open to doing than if I were to move when I’m 18. I could also join more sports and find hobbies that I enjoy while they also help me stay active.But my father just doesn’t care. He won’t think of how I can benefit and wants me to be “safe”. He’s not open minded about it and basically established his answer… NO. I feel like a whiny teenager but god I haven’t been this passionate in forever and think that this is my chance to stand up on my own feet. I hate it here and staying gives me no benefits so comparing these options to me is a no brainer. I hate to admit it but my aunt also gives me that feeling of having a parent that I’ve been yearning for my entire life. She’s so helpful and understanding. She doesn’t shame mental health and weirdly obsessed with being natural like my dad is. She truly cares and I can feel that. I want it…. I’m upset that my father won’t let me have that. Sorry for the long rant but, any advice?

I feel like I want to reach out and find answers. All my life I’ve had these little images of fake scenarios play out in my head while I live my life. I hate how they’re always disgusting thoughts like me constantly committing suicide or imagining the death of others “if something were to happen”. It’s always there that thought those images and I’ve just learned to accept them but then again why are they there? Last night I had somewhat of a breakdown, when I get anxious I scratch my scalp and it calms me down because it’s what my body wants to “feel”. But it just wasn’t doing it that literal and imaginary “itch” just wouldn’t leave. It drove me crazy from that I then got overwhelmed by my clothing, my sheets, the air? I just want that feeling or me having to do something so I “feel right” to go away. It’s suffocating and lately has been taking a huge toll on me. I do think me not understanding isn’t helping too.

a quick statement about myself, i have pretty bad contamination ocd to the point where it takes hours out of my day and changes the course of my daily plans entirely... I needed a job at the beginning of summer so i applied around and got a call back from a grocery store not too far from my house. i interviewed and it went great, and the manager had said that this job was fairly simple and easy and if i wanted the job it was mine. I took the position not thinking much of it at the time. now that i look back i would be a lot happier of a person right now if i hadn't accepted the offer. things started off well, i would do what i was asked and didn't have any problems or restrictions completing my tasks. people would buy raw things (one of my fears), and most horrifying to me, raw chicken. people would buy those items and i would avoid touching them or being around them.... easy enough. (before yall say i sound crazy or anything, the chicken packages sometimes leak juices and i in general cannot get over my fear of those packages because they do that, even though most are sealed properly.) ok sorry onwards as time went on though, i began to watch more carefully at who touched what and what they touched after. customers would grab chicken without bagging it or sanitizing their hands afterwards as recommended. they would them touch the cart, the other groceries, shelves, self checkout screens, hand scanners, mini fridge handles, and the clean bags. in my head, that deems that everything else is unclean and extremely unsanitary, so i now am cautious to touch anything i had seen someone with "chicken hands" touch. working register is even worse as to where i would have to touch, scan, and bag their chicken, so i am afriad to work on register. (im not even including touching the carts and baskets because lord knows when these people last washed their hands) it has gotten to the point where i cannot complete the simplest tasks required of myself in my job without having a breakdown or a traumatic experience. to combat these fears, i now purchase a container of 40 hand wipes before every single shift and usually use all of them by the end. i also try to wash my hands every so often but the bathrooms are so gross and the people using them are even more gross i end up feeling more dirty leaving than i did entering. since everything i touch is the epitome of disgust in my mind, the minute i get home i have to do a deep scrub shower, wash my uniform, and scrub everything i brought with to work until i think it is clean enough. while that doesn't seem like all that much of a difficulty, keep in mind that cleansing and calming down can take hours and i am a stem major college student that has no time whatsoever. because of this job, my hands are now destroyed, cracking, bleeding, and more dry than ever (i already had dry hands but this made it ten times worse), my mental health is at an all time low, and every time i work i am miserable the rest of the day because of how triggering work is for my ocd. moral of the story is don't work at a grocery store if you have contamination ocd like mine. you will be miserable. your mental state will hit rockbottom. it is not fun. (if you read this thank you!.... a quick psa, i can't just like quit either, it pays well and it is my best option for getting hours with my current life schedule, although i don't even get to enjoy my weekends because i work every single one to the point where i have no social life whatsoever, just misery.)

I’ve just started my final year at uni and I’m terrified my OCD will ruin it for me, I’ve had a massive OCD flare up this past summer so coming back to uni has been a lot harder than in previous years. I just want to be close to my family and now I’m over an hour away from them. I’m really worried that if it carries on it’ll massively impact my degree, like what if I’m just a mess all year and it end up ruining my ability to study. I hate this feeling and I just want to feel settled, I’m hoping within a few weeks I’ll feel more comfortable. But my harm ocd is acting up and just anxiety and homesickness in general. I just want to be home with my mum lol. Any advice?

Hi everyone, I have finally worked up the courage to post here. Something about posting made it feel like someone was going to find out about my OCD and judge me. That is one of my fears “being found out” about what? Well, that changes… But hey, I DO have OCD and this is supposed to be my community! If anyone is going to get it and not judge it is going to be you! I have been making great progress since my diagnosis and am doing pretty well with higher doses of Fluoxetine (lucky to have minor side effects) and therapy. I was feeling great, having an awesome and productive day, and then WHAM! Out of seemingly nowhere I was triggered. I did my exercises to not avoid the trigger and so forth, but now my anxiety-linked body sensations are super high. Any healthy tips for calming yourself and reducing the residual physiological symptoms of a huge anxiety spike? I’m looking for tips that won’t lead me down my compulsion path so any advice is welcome!

Hey guys. Looking for my ROCD peeps who have struggled with fixating on past arguments and constantly feeling the need to open that can of worms again and figure it out. Or fixating on your partners flaws. How did you do it?

I’m wondering if I’m alone I have harm OCD I get intrusive thoughts of hurting my mom but when I tell her to hide the knife I get this urge to find a knife I hope I’m not the only one I’m getting very scared of OCD

Hi, I’ve really been struggling lately with my OCD and depression. I’ve been wanting to talk to my parents more about what I’ve been experiencing, they have always been great sources of support in the past. They understand that I struggle with depression and some sort of anxiety but I don’t think they really understand what ocd. I am very bad at explaining these sorts of things and was wondering if anyone has any advice about how I could explain this to them, or if they know of any good educational materials that do a good job explaining what ocd is. Thank you for reading.

I have recently started a new job and i have a male colleague. I am so convinced i have a new “crush” on him but i have a boyfriend. I find myself sometimes looking for him and my heart will drop if i was to see him. I’m hoping this anxiety is because i don’t want to have a crush on him. I don’t know if this is my rocd or not. Is it possible for my ocd to convince me i like him and that results in me wanting to be near him even though i love my boyfriend so much. I don’t think i can carry this guilt anymore and i have been considering breaking up with him as i feel like such an awful person. I don’t know what to do i feel so upset

I’ve posted recently about how my boyfriend Is on a trip for the weekend and I’m really struggling with him gone. I don’t want to be toxic or controlling but I’m having a hard time and wanted him to text me updates about what he’s doing. Im upset he isn’t texting me updates but im not going to tell him because I don’t wanna be toxic and I just am curious of any advice to get more comfortable with him being away and anything to distract me or how to handle it. Me and my ex broke up a few months after he went on a trip and ghosted me for a week (and things went downhill from there) so it might have something to do with that. But anyways a big obsession of mine is worrying that im manipulative or toxic or too hard on him/have too high of expectations (because my same ex couldn’t live up to my standards so I broke up w him) and my mom sometimes makes me feel like I’m too hard on him so how can I avoid doing something that could make him feel bad or like I’m too clingy but also calming myself down. Sorry that was so long winded lol. Any advice helps!

I visited her over the summer and I had the best time but before I went back I started feeling numb and dissociated. Like I had no feelings, I am back at school and I feel the same way worse even. I feel nothing, I have thoughts like I don’t love her anymore and I feel urges to break up. I have been fantasizing about someone and anytime I see that person my brain is telling me to check if she is pretty, staring at her. I also feel attracted to most girls, I have thoughts that I should experience college life even though deep down I know I don’t want to. It is so difficult because I feel nothing to what my girlfriend says, all I could say is that I am sorry. Even when I say that I struggle to, my mind makes me think I don’t want to be be back to normal and it feels so real it is scary. The same thing happened last year too. I got to school and I started fantasizing about being with someone else, I followed that person and once I knew she didn’t have any interest I was back to sort of normalcy. I don’t know what to do. It is overwhelming. Anyone else feeling like this or have experienced this?

This is my first post on here. My friend recommend the app after I shared my struggles with OCD. I’ve been battling with many forms of OCD since I was 13 (perfectionist OCD, harm OCD, intrusive thoughts, hypochondria). I’m 29 now and feel like the mental health system has failed me. That’s a whole different story but recently I feel like OCD is coming back into my life. I recently began working as a student teacher in a kindergarten classroom and I’m also a graduate student working on my masters degree. My OCD was once so severe that the anxiety it gave me sent me to multiple psych wards and put my life on hold. That was 10 years ago. I feel like it’s coming back again and that scares me. Lately, the OCD that I’ve been experiencing is related to having to have everything be perfect. In particular, having to wear eyeglasses is really really bothering me. It might be a sensory thing too. I was diagnosed with severe dry eyes and can no longer wear contacts. It’s the silliest thing but I’m always thinking about it to the point where I’ll cry because the stress I inflict upon myself is so burdensome. I hate how I look in glasses and they just bother me so much I can’t focus on teaching or school work. If I forget to bring something with me to school I’ll fixate on that constantly throughout the day. I know it’s stupid and you just have to go with the flow but things bother me so much that it really does put me in a state of distress. I’m not sure how this app works but I’m really looking to find solidarity here in addition to coping skills that I haven’t been able to get from my therapist (I’m considering switching to someone who has experience with OCD). Right now I’d say my OCD is a 7/10 on a scale where 10 is completely crippling and you can’t function. I’m nervous as my responsibilities increase, my OCD symptoms will worsen. What has helped anyone who is experiencing a similar situation? Thank you!

I’ve struggled with OCD for most of my life, but was only recently formally diagnosed this year. I had already been previously diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and depression before then. I (very stupidly) decided to apply for a graduate school in my state because there was scholarship funds available. Essentially, I received the scholarship and now have a full ride to complete a graduate certificate program (5 3 credit hour classes with a 6 hour research project requirement) and it’s all online. Since starting, I’ve several panic attacks and I cry most days. I found a stress rash on my arm last night, which hasn’t happened in years. I dread waking up in the morning because I know I have school work to do, on top of my full time (40 hr/week) job. It took me 3 hours to write one discussion post this weekend, because I couldn’t stop rereading it and finding things I wanted to change. I have to make 7 posts total this week, so spending that much time on each post just isn’t feasible on top of all the other work I have to do for the course. I’m only taking one class at a time, meaning I won’t be done until the end of summer 2025 at the earliest. I feel so pathetic and weak that I can’t handle this program, but the more caught up I feel like I get, the more that’s assigned and the farther behind I get. On top of that, I am struggling with the reading requirements. I have trouble digesting anything I read and often get distracted. I found out that most of grad school is reading. I just don’t think I’m cut out for it. I think I need to drop the program, but feel ashamed and that everyone will think I’m lazy. My boss wrote me a letter of recommendation to attach to my scholarship application, so I’d have to tell him I’m dropping out and I will be so humiliated. I also feel like I’ll be losing out on opportunities in the future if I don’t just suck it up and complete the program. I’m just so tired and wish I wouldn’t have even applied for the scholarship and put myself in this position. I don’t know what the right thing to do is.

I have been having suicidal thoughts for more a week now. I have plan it and I don’t have a lot of will to live. I want to get though this but it is really hard to even sit in classes. All I am thinking about is do I want to die should I tell people I love them and like write letters. I had therapy today but it didn’t really help just said a lot of the same things I already know. I try texting 988 yesterday and it help a little. But everyone thinks it just ocd thoughts but idk

hi! i am a week into my freshman year of college, and i just realized that a lot of my anxiety is actually stemming from my OCD. for example, i am obsessing over school and completing work, and each time i finish/give into compulsions, there is something new that i obsess over. i am having issues with sleeping because of this, and was wondering if anyone knew how to help.

hello, I’m a young adult with extreme ocd that I’ve been struggling with since I was little it’s to the point where things like walking eating writing or driving has become almost an impossible task. how do some of you try to differ your ocd thoughts? even when I try to ignore them I’ll have panic attacks until I go back and do whatever my brain is telling me. I feel helpless my doctor has told me I have the worst case of ocd she’s ever seen and she “doesn’t know what to do with me” I’m just starting to feel hopeless

It has been a hard night. I feel like my whole life I have been wanting people to like me and I’m doing that I lost myself. Especially with ocd and getting into a depression I lost interest in any and everything. For the past week it has kicked me back to that place. I feel boring, unoriginal, I fell like I don’t have anything special about me, if I ask someone they would say I’m nice. I’m over weight so I’ve never bough clothes I really like, I don’t have money to spend on things like art or decor. So I feel bland. I have never had a boyfriend and people look at me like I’m crazy. So basically people see me as an innocent person who has nothing special. I work, I go to school, and I’ve never been obsessed over a music artist or anything. So if people ask me my favorite band or movie I have no idea. I also fear that the moment that I do find myself that my ocd ideas will become real and they were just trapped Inside. Idk who I am. I just kept typing so it may not make sense.

I was laying in bed and my head started to turn again. It was like one second I was so sure and I was comfortable and the next my world turned upside down. I’m am a very feminine person but I’m also tall and a little over weight. Because of this my mind with tell me I look masculine. Because I’m not dainty and small. Or even the way my hair is styled can make me feel like I look like a lesbian. Or even my posture or how I do certain actions. I then started to google things about feeling like I look masculine and it was all people who came out of the closet and stuff. I know I shouldn’t be googling things, I should know better by now.