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Nothing can shake off the guilt. I don’t start therapy for a couple weeks. I’m almost non functional, what can I do

I feel so down right now for no reason and I feel guilty feeling bad about my well-being because some peace are dealing with wars and cancer and my pain isn't half or real compared to their pain but I can't take it anymore and I feel uncomfortable going to therapy and my family is broken my dad is abusive and mom and brothers don't really care I don't have any friends that they could help but OCD getting me crazy by signs I think I am seeing and I can't get help cuz my ocd tells me if I find happiness something bad may happen to my family so this is why I can't find a solution sorry for the long post I just feel so lonely right now I just want to fade away

what is your experience? Weed helped me realize i also had an OCD diagnosis along with my AuDHD. Weed was an enhancement drug for me and I notice that it increased my intrusive thoughts BUT only when i was already in a state of anxiety while sober. If i was happy then obsessive thoughts of joy and ruminative yet this only when i smoke the strain sativa. When i smoke indica my thoughts slowed down more, but so did everything else. For me indica affected my body more. But in moments where my mind couldn’t even move to get up or used the restroom. Only in bliss would i be able to fall asleep. I want to journey on Weed with this App so if you’d like to join ! Feel free :D I can also go on to make another post how it affect my autism and my adhd.

Hi I'm new to this app and just wanted to communicate with someone struggling with simular things. My ocd has me feeling so stuck right now, like I just don't know what to do. It's caused me to stay home from school and quit my job due to panic attacks. I should probably specify I have contamination ocd and some other one idk what to call. Closest thing would probably be perfection ocd. A couple days ago I had a really bad panic attack once I got home from work where I cried and sat on the stairs for about 2 hours. I only got up when my mom forced me to, because everytime I tried I just felt like I couldn't move. It was mainly triggered by my job as I find it "dirty" and cant handle it anymore- I quit mt job that night. Then is also when I finally told my mom how I've been feeling because of it and now she's constantly worrying that I haven't hurt myself as I finally told her "I just want it to stop." I don't think I actually would but I can't help but to think what would happen and how I could go about it. I have a therapist I see monthly, but I find it really hard to tell her how bad it's effecting me because it's hard to talk about and Idk what kind of power she has but I don't want her to send me to the ward. Idk if that's even a thing anymore but I'm scared of it. I constantly feel like I have to clean everything and I just dont have the energy to do it. All I want to do is lay in bed. But these "dirty" things full my mind untill they're "clean" again. Not to mention the things I literally can't clean because of their material 🥲 I apologize for the awful organization, these are just my thoughts right now.

I am not educated that well with the different types of OCD. But being here opened me up to it all. I am struggling with intrusive thoughts and i can’t stop thinking of those thoughts until i physically feel ill or nauseous. I struggle with getting over things that has hurt me especially when I see the people who have hurt me the flashbacks always come. I am not sure if this is a form of OCD. I just can’t stop thinking of the certain thing and I feel as if I am self sabotaging myself when I have good things in-front of me because my intrusive overthinking thoughts will not stop.

This is my first time on here, and I’m just hoping to find a community that understand what I’m going through. I struggle with severe existential thoughts that cause me to dissociate near daily. Does anyone else go through this?

I have extreme fear of rabies and it triggered my usually bearable ocd to the point i cant function normally. Whenever I pass by something on the ground resembling a bat my brain tells me its a bat and that I have touched it with my hand and that I have rabies now. Sometimes I take a photo of potential triggers to be sure I wont ruminate later aka ask myself what if it was this or that and i just look at the photo i took and be sure its nothing. The triggers are also becoming harder to bear everytime, for example 3 days ago it was night and I saw something small and dark on the ground and didnt see it clearly, phone was almost dead and i couldnt take a photo of it, probably wouldnt anyway because there were two people nearby so i just left myself a note in the phone that it was nothing and I didnt touch it, but you guessed it, my brain says its a bat and that i touched it, creating a false memory and now i feel like i cant know what actually happened..rn i cant think of anything but being terrified of dying of rabies because i cant trust my memory. I feel like Im going crazy

why me why me that’s the question I ask myself every day every moment every minute every second of my life, my sexual orientation, obsessive compulsive disorder has been driving me crazy, I don’t know what to do no OCD for session is $170 and I live in UK. I am living in on benefits I can’t pay $170 for each session and I really need my OCD therapy like that way. I don’t like girls that way I don’t like girls that as the question I asked or rather say to myself every day every minute every second every second I get I only love love boys love men why is it so hard for my OCD to understand that? I don’t have a clue. Please can you help me I’m not asking for reassurance but I like to put everything in a writing message, so I can be with the unwanted thoughts I get about my sexuality, generally hate girls in that way my urges, my images and my unwanted thoughts are killing me right now

Hii! I hesitated before posting this but here I am.. Ocd are a living hell rn to me. I barely eat or sleep anymore because of it, I’m just scared of everything, ruminations are here every night leading to panic attacks, sh, psychosis,.. it’s like « what if I’m/or do something bad, what if I did something wrong and I don’t remember,.. I store my studies because of all of this..I can’t do this anymore I’m so tired of compulsions and everything I have more ocd but rn it’s the most debilitating for me, if someone have experienced the same things or just have tips I take it!

i’m so caught up in figuring out my obsessions because i don’t want them to come true. i have been obsessing over the devil and whether or not he can possess or control me and it won’t go away. i don’t know what to do. i’m so tired all the time and i don’t feel like myself anymore. i can’t keep up with my schoolwork and can barely take care of myself. i’m also in college so it’s hard being on my own.

i was extremely scared today, a bunch of little kids were around me and i was scared to be near anyone because i would do something horrible. i feel like a terrible person that no one would want to be around. i don’t deserve this support, i just want to be rid of these terrible disgusting thoughts.

Hey everyone, I'm facing a challenging situation where my dreams of studying medicine abroad are unraveling due to the relentless grip of 3 years of suffering with OCD, specifically centered around philosophical and existential questions. I've always wanted to practice medicine and I've gone through absolute hell to get there and now that I'm here due to the nature of these repetitive intrusive thoughts that take up most of my day I end up failing classes and retaking semesters and the idea of dropping out because of this is like spitting in the face of my parents as they have worked so hard to get me to where I am as they are immigrants to the country there is an extra expectation for me to excel. To complicate matters, my deeply religious parents are unaware that I no longer believe in a deity. When I shared my doubts with them, they reacted strongly, intensifying the pressure I feel. In an attempt to quell intrusive thoughts, I've developed compulsive habits that may be making things worse. I find myself extensively writing about arguments against theism, engaging in live debates, debating people in comment sections, and mentally rehearsing arguments whenever religious topics arise. I even contemplate sharing a massive journal explaining why I no longer believe with my religious parents. These habits, while momentarily comforting, contribute to a strong sense of depersonalization and paralysing dread everyday especially when I wake up. These intrusive thoughts and constant replaying of arguments in my head are affecting every aspect of my life, from my academic pursuits to my relationships and mental well-being. I'm currently studying medicine abroad, and the pressure to excel is immense, but the OCD is taking a toll on my academic performance. Financial constraints make it difficult to seek therapy, and I feel trapped between the fear of being true to myself and the potential fallout from coming out to my parents due to the confessional nature of my OCD. I'm seeking advice on whether unfollowing said debate pages and stopping completely in these compulsive behaviors are engaging in avoiding the problem or if there are healthier ways to cope. Has anyone faced similar challenges and found effective strategies to break free from these cycles? Here are some of the things I worry about / do. - Persistent worry about OCD negatively impacting life - Concerns about ongoing depersonalization - Urgency to confess for reassurance - Fear of disownment over personal beliefs - Constant review of arguments due to anxiety - Maintaining a facade to keep peace - Lifelong pretense, walking on eggshells with parents - Anxiety about financial support for studies - Struggling with imposter syndrome - Difficulty maintaining stable relationships - Compulsively watching debates on religion - Desire to confess non-belief despite consequences - Anxiety over academic performance decline - Overwhelming family expectations - Doubts about enjoying my degree . - Fears of not surviving mental anguish - Ruminating on irrelevant thoughts, lacking presence - Morning anxiety like PTSD flashbacks due to OCD - Constantly jotting down thoughts for certainty - Feeling trapped in a repetitive daily loop - Perceived threat from people, feeling internally flawed - Yearning for life before current struggles - Increased argumentativeness to fuel compulsive behaviors. Any insights or recommendations would be immensely valuable. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

SORRY FOR BAD ENGLISH Hello, i’m new to this community, i’m from Brazil, but i speak english, i’m really struggling with what i believe to be POCD, but i’m so scared an feel like i have nobody to share my feelings, it’s really affecting me and people around me, i don’t want to live like this anymore, but at the same time i feel hopeless. I’m on medication (Fluexovamine) for 15 days, it has helped me, but i still have many stuggles. If anyone is willing to talk to me or feel like i do, please contact me. i really really want help and try to live a normal life.

I’m going through the worst ocd flare up , I can’t stop crying and feel like I’m the worst person in the world and that no one understands how it makes me feel and how I feel so alone and that I’m a horrible person. Why do I feel like everything I’ve done makes me the worst unlovable person. Why is it when I pray I’m still so sad and nothing get fixed so I can be happy. I just want to be happy and at peace and stop having these intense overpowering thoughts. I know they say it’s best to sit with the thought until it passes instead of trying to direct my self but it just won’t go away and I’m trying hard to let it pass but something will always remind me of it and bring me right back to square one. I’m just so miserable that this is my life and thought process every single day😪

I recently started ERP therapy with a new therapist where we pretty much exclusively focus on OCD, but I have found myself missing talk therapy a lot as well. Talk therapy never really helped with my ocd symptoms but It really helped to talk through issues such as coping/management of my adhd, gad, as well as talking through things I’ve been going through in life. Does anyone else relate to this?

when I was 13 I dealt with what I now know is suicide OCD. In the fall of 2020 my brain started to become completely flooded with thoughts and urges, hurting myself and graphic images that completely Messed with my life. It was so bad that I was throwing up every day, having panic attacks constantly, and having meltdowns in my room while my parents were trying to console me. I ended up completely failing my freshman year of high school. My brain was plagued with those thoughts 24/7, even when I was asleep. I truly thought that it was only a matter of time before I ended up taking my own life. I was never actually suicidal, but, since the thoughts were so prevalent, I thought that I truly did want to do take my life. For the entirety of October through January I was completely debilitated and I couldn’t do anything. My only way of coping was playing video games and I got so bad that I ended up spending 3000 hours in the span of four months playing on my computer. After a while it truly thought my life was over until I decided to research what was wrong with me. I found out what was going on and I learned that it was OCD. When I first learned that I was terrified because I didn’t know that truly meant. Once I did even more research, I learned that my thoughts are just thoughts, and it wasn’t how I truly felt, I learned that accepting my thoughts and accepting the fact that I have OCD would actually help me overcome everything. Deep down inside, I knew that since I was reacting so strongly to these thoughts, I truly wanted to live. with the help of therapy, medication, meditation, and hard work I was able to get better. I am a senior in high school now and I’m in a place that I never thought I would make it to. Even though the thoughts come back from time to time, it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to and i’m able to deal with them in healthy ways. You can get through this. Its going to take a lot of hard work but you can get through it.

How do I cope with intrusive thoughts that are provoked by things that are out of my control? Like if if I see someone I know. That’s out of my control. But it adds to my thoughts and fears no matter what. How do I know whether the thoughts I have are real or fake. It’s killing me I just wanna be happy

I'm literally just hanging out with my sister and having a good time and I realized "I'm not gonna be young like this forever" and that I'm not immune to death or aging. I'm living just to slowly watch my body die. I'm already going to be 15 this year. I've already passed so much time and I feel like it's going to be so quick and I'll be dead. What if I like living more? What if there's nothing after death? What if it's just black and everything is for nothing. It kinda makes me wish I wasn't born so i wouldn't have to deal with this. it's so stressful. Every moment that passes I'm just getting closer to something I can't control. It's so scary. I can't do this. I physically cannot accept one day I'm going to be gone absolutely forever. I'll have to leave everything. Two minutes ago I wasn't as close to death as I am now. I'm cant handle this.

Anyone have any tips for intrusive thought and ruminating. Hope everyone is doing good tonight. Keep fighting.

Sometimes I feel like I see things out of the corner of my eye that's not actually there. Like when I'm driving I'll think a mailbox is actually a person or similar things like that. Now I'm thinking I'm schizophrenic because this happens a lot. I'm only 21 and I'm freaking my self out.