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I have been blocked again by people who I considered to be very helpful in my OCD journey on here... this is why i don't like talking about my real events ocd... its because people will shame me and block me... and think I'm a PDF...

I was struggling, for months I was having a hard time. My OCD was triggered in the month of April this year and that’s where it began. It was really hard and for a month it got more and more difficult. Then I decided to find some therapy near me. It was talk therapy and it was nice, but I was still struggling, and I needed more guidance. During this time, it was so bad I was counting the days in between my therapy sessions when I first started talk therapy. Throughout talk therapy, I realized that I needed more help and I needed someone who can speak my language and you can understand the thoughts and feelings that I’m having. I’m sure that we all go through that when first dealing with Obsessive compulsive disorder. I didn’t understand it myself, maybe that’s what I say now, but maybe underneath all that misunderstanding. It was anger at the fact that this was happening to me. I felt angry. I was compulsively washing my hands 70 times every day I was basically hiding from people when they were talking to me, and I could barely touch food with my hands. I was suffering from contamination OCD, and before I knew it had engulfed my life. Fear became a bad friend. It was my biggest indulgence. I feared absolutely everything and anything. It was difficult. I felt alone, isolated, and hopeless. I was reaching a boiling point and that’s when I decided to go with NOCD and give it a try. Fast-forward months later, my life feels so much different. I still struggle on a daily basis but nowhere near as much as I once did. I feel like I mention it every session, but it’s crazy how much progress I made I’m always telling my therapist that I’m doing things that I once thought were impossible like touching my face, easily eating food with my hands, or looking at others when they’re talking to me. These were things that I literally couldn’t do a couple months ago. I still struggle every single day, but I’m learning every single day. I’m 25 years old and in my 25 years of living OCD has been the hardest thing that I’ve ever gone through and if you’re reading this, I want you to know that you can heal. It takes time and you have to keep it up. You can’t quit. Even as of writing this I’ve been going through some spikes lately, but I want you to know that you can get through this. In one of my sessions, I use the analogy of hitting a tire with a stick. The analogy came from a story that my Dad would tell me about him growing up in Mexico and how he would hit a tire with a stick for fun. You have to keep hitting the tire with the stick for the tire to keep going and you have to view your OCD/mental health the same way. You must continually work at it. I hope this post finds you all well. Recovery is possible. You are going to fight battles that no one will understand. There will not be many people in your personal life will truly understand, but give them grace and give yourself the strength to search out those who do understand. OCD is misunderstood by the masses, so find those who understand. OCD recovery is not a self rescue mission, it’s imperative that you address it, and find the help you need. Give yourself the grace needed to observe yourself without judgement. Applaud the progress you make, make a big deal out of it. Set your sights on new horizons and break through plateaus. 7 months ago I felt like I was struggling with fearfully living, now my eyes are set on living as fearlessly as I can, one day at a time. You got this. - C, (25)

Do you have personal experience with OCD medication, and do you would recommend one over another? Up until 2.5 years ago, I thought I had general anxiety with OCD thrown in. Then I determined that it's actually OCPD and OCD calling the shots, and they cause me general anxiety. I've been taking Citalopram for GAD the past 11 years, and I don't think it's as effective anymore. I would also like to try something that's prescribed for OCD. I've done my research and have come across a couple I want to talk to my doctor about, but it's always good to hear others' experiences too.

i’m putting a TW just in case anyone is having a similar issue to me—i’m having a mixed battle of SOOCD and ROCD and i am looking for some advice. does anyone else feel this way? i have for as long as i can remember. whenever i find out someone has a crush on me and tries to execute their feelings towards me, i instantly get a pit in my chest and i want to avoid them as much as possible. usually if i find out they have a crush on me i’m like “okay whatever that’s fine”, but the moment they try to do something about it is when i feel as though i’m being suffocated. i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that A. i’m hyper independent and usually prefer to be on my own, B. i recently discovered i have an avoidant attachment style, and i have never been an affectionate person really at all, whether it be with family or friends. and C. most of the time, i barely know the people who crush on me and i get uncomfortable at the idea of someone thinking about or perceiving me in a way that is not reciprocated. it feels like a bunch of eyes are on me, and being independent and shy i hate that. i’ve only had about 5 real crushes in my life and i don’t think i’ve ever actually been in love—i think part of that is because i don’t really let myself form relationships often. i’ve always chalked it up to me being independent and shy and telling myself it will change one day and that it’ll happen if/when it happens, but i’m worried it won’t. i’ve never been the type to actively seek out relationships, just let time do its thing, which i usually would be doing right now but ocd decided to swing onto this vine like tarzan. i try to give myself slack because i’m only 18 and i have so much life ahead of me HAHA but who knows. weirdly enough i’m kind of a hopeless romantic because i love to daydream and fantasize about finding love, i love romantic situations and i often have dreams about finding someone, but then when it actually happens my body goes into self protection mode and i self sabotage in the end. worst part is once it’s all over i’ll feel like an idiot that blew a chance, and then the cycle repeats. i’m meeting with my therapist soon so i can hopefully resolve this because i miss how my life was before ocd started attacking this hahah anyone else this way and have any possible tips for me? thanks (:

(I do not expect any diagnosis, but I just want to know if this is abnormal or if this is just a weird but fairly normal thing) I've been having odd symptoms for years, and really drastic mood switches to where I just brushed off aside for a long time but recently it's just been a bit too much for me. (And it isn't just being happy for a day then next day I'm sad) and it also affects my OCD symptoms as well . For example, one day I'm really in a good mood, I am extremely hopeful for myself and future and I am really well at finishing my tasks and I work towards my goals. I spend time on my hobbies and interests. And etc. (Aka this is usually my overall self/where I feel most normal) but then sometimes it elevates a bit and I also begin to feel extremely euphoric and important, my confidence is over the top, I feel almost unstoppable. (OCD and my dark intrusive thoughts/compulsions are poking at me at times still, but I fall for it less. But now that I'm happy, Health OCD hits me hard at times and I start to worry about my own health and scared if I'll die when I feel like I have so much left to accomplish and do.) Then the next I could either be extremely impulsive and I start doing whatever comes to mind, sometimes I end up regretting it later on and it doesn't help with my OCD at all. I feel like my thoughts are so quick and it gives me headaches, I start feeling really restless and like I can't do anything else. (My intrusive thoughts/compulsions elevate EXTREMELY and I start doing nonstop compulsions and I start panicking and feeling like my life is over, this is where I usually start having major urges on confessions over the smallest things.) And then not even an hour later sometimes, I suddenly stop and now I'm extremely numb and quiet- I don't talk to anyone and become nonverbal. I avoid everyone and everything. Even the TINIEST inconvenience could drive me into becoming extremely depressed and start insulting myself and I become to cynical towards everything. I start lashing out on everything and feel like the worst person ever. I start to say things like "I should give up why bother.", "I'm a failure", etc. Or I just feel extremely guilty and I feel like a major burden to everyone I love, I start seeing myself in an awful light and my goals fade. I dissociate a lot during these moods. (My intrusive thoughts become more dark and my compulsions take up more energy, I start worrying whether if this is permanent and if I'm an awful person. harm OCD becomes extra strong here and it sucks.) (Luckily, I have some self-awareness to at least let out my emotions when I'm alone, so I don't upset someone else. I also mask all of these emotions during school and normally only at that place. OCD still stays at the back of my head, and my mood is always just meh since I just don't like being in classes. But that also worries me into thinking "what if I'm just a liar ?") Sometimes I can feel one way for weeks and it suddenly switches to another, then it switches through every few days, sometimes I can go from the happy/manic to extremely despressed and hopeless in only a span of a few hours. It makes me feel really uncomfortable, also since I can have 10 fully different OCD themes play out depending on how I'm feeling : ( this also leads to me ruminating and worrying about myself and identity And it still affects my OCD symptoms, these mood swings triggers my mind to start having intrusive thoughts such as "Your impulsiveness only affects you right now, but one day it will lead you into doing something extremely horrible", "You are a monster", "You don't have OCD, you're just a mess", etc. I start freaking out worrying that's true or that I don't have OCD at all and I was just lying to myself all my life . So my overall question is does anyone else with OCD feel this way ? Or is this something I should look more into . Again, I know I can't have an overall diagnosis, (although I wish I could .) but I'm only looking for some insight "<:^)

I am having a really hard day. I am so overwhelmed about so many things. I lost an earring and can’t find it. It is stuck on my mind. About a month ago my boyfriend broke up with me and the weekends are so hard. That was my first relationship and I miss him dearly. I have no friends to support me and my Mom is tried of me being sad. I also have a math exam Tuesday and need to review a ton. It feels like I have so much to do and so little time. I just want to hangout with a friend/ my ex boyfriend. I feel very depressed and anxious.

Some background, I have religious OCD or scrupulosity and after sinning my compulsion is to repeatedly ask God for forgiveness but the Bible warns against praying in vain repetitions in Matthew 6:7 and I’m afraid I’m sinning upon having already sinned because I know God hears my first prayer but I have a compulsion to repeat it multiple times usually 4 times 4 and if I don’t do it I can’t move on to something else and it is extremely distressing I don’t want to be sinning on top of confessing my prior sin what should I do guys?

A couple of weeks ago I had to do an assignment involving more than one person. And ever since I realized I did a project/assignment wrong and had to do it again and quick as it was a day before thanksgiving break, keep in mind I have no access to the assignment after class I forgot to add the name of one of the people who designed one of the pictures in the project my brain has been spiraling like crazy. All week during thanksgiving break I’ve been thinking about it constantly over and over again. Then after I added the name of the designer and turned it in i remembered that the project will be printed and possibly published online if it’s good enough and the teacher talked about a border that will be around the assignment and to make sure to make the project fit. My brain started tweaking out telling me that the name won’t be there and I’ll be accused of plagiarism. I constantly asked the teacher questions about the assignment throughout the week. After I asked the teacher about the printing she showed me how she’d print it and that she moved the name. But then my brain spiraled out later in another class telling me that what about if she publishes another part of the project online months later, (the one that she chose not to print but can still technically be published online if she thinks it’s good enough). I then asked her about it again. She said she that if anything related to online publishing it’ll will be in months. Then I asked her again when she wasn’t as busy about what if there was a border hypothetically and it covered the name of the person who made the picture, would you edit it and she said yes. Now currently my brain annoyed me once again telling me what if the border is too small for her to notice the name of the creator of the picture being covered by it and she publishes it without double checking and you get in trouble or accused or plagurism. These thoughts feel genuine and that I have to keep asking. I told the teacher about my ocd and constant thoughts and she said I’m allowed to email my instrusive thoughts to her about the assignement even if she may respond late. I wanna do that but if I keep getting reassurance or anything like that it’ll worsen the thoughts. I genuinely don’t know what to do. I’ve talked to my friend who also has ocd about it, he introduced me to this app, I’ve talked to my mom about it, I’ve talked to the teacher about it. These past weeks I’ve been stressed, sleep deprived, I often woke up with my hands shaky, I can’t concentrate on homework, and I keep arguing with these thoughts and losing. Worse of all everytime I’m in the class where I had the project my thoughts are extremely strong. I just want my life back.

I’ve recently hit a very big milestone with my boyfriend. The problem is my fear happened again, I didn’t enjoy it, and couldn’t feel anything because I’m always subconsciously monitoring everything I feel/don’t feel. TMI but It’s really REALLY hard for me to get turned on and the last time I was FULLY in the mood was a couple years ago when I met up with my ex. But after that It’s never happened again. Extra TMI but I can’t even get aroused to things I used to be aroused by before this theme bc I feel like I’m watching for my reaction. But when it’s things I don’t want to feel any arousal towards I get aroused. Moving on, when I first noticed I had a crush on my current boyfriend 4 months ago, my mind was clear and I wasn’t really checking as much. But, when I noticed my feelings and attraction for him my body went into a “scanning” mode and I felt myself going numb. I would start to check if I found him attractive every time I saw him, if I still felt the same way the day I realized I thought he was cute, or if I was still excited about calling him. There’s times where him and I kiss and I’m fully present and enjoy it. But when I notice I start to focus on it again and I start to feel nothing. The best way I can describe it is there is a mini me in the back of my head watching everything I feel. Everything I think, feel, and dont feel is always being “watched” and I don’t know how to stop it. I miss being fully present when I’m with him because I finally felt the things that have been “shut off” ever since this theme started when I was 15. The more I subconsciously monitor the less I feel for him and I hate it.Im trying really hard not to ruminate on my lack of strong feelings, attraction, and libido when I come back from dates with him now. It really sucks because in the beginning of the relationship I was so happy about finally feeling attraction and emotions again. This is so annoying and I really hope someone can relate 😭. I need tips please.

POCD TW I already have a therapist bad/morally wrong thoughts feels good and like i agree with them and LIKED THEM during ejaculaiton WHILE i watched adult content and then idk if i came to the thought or the adult. Afterwards I get sad and just want to sleep… this happens so many times and nobody has given me an answer to this they just say that this is concerning… im tired of this rn This happened so many times when i ejaculated I hate that people keep saying that I need to get real help which I already am getting and that I am “entitled” to these thoughts. I’m already tired enough of my life now I have to deal with this and I can’t even m@sturbate in peace now. I’m done with all of this. My life was crap enough before this now it’s worse

I can catch myself ruminating but it’s always too late. Before I know it I’m already emotionally invested in the thought and fired up. Example if I have an argument with a coworker or small dispute I can potentially go on to ruminate over it for days. I’ll be able to catch myself doing so but I’ll always go back to ruminating. While all this is going on my mind is constantly coming up with new and old scenarios. Future scenarios of conflicts that may never ever happen, or at least not in the way I can predict. Or it’ll keep replaying the past trying to think of what I could have said. Please someone tell you overcame this? There has to be someone out there who’s broke this cycle and went on to live a normal life? There has to be someone right….

All sorts of things bother me. I can’t even name them. I feel so alone, and I don’t really have many hocd thoughts. But I keep thinking about what’s wrong with me. I really wouldn’t want to be asexual or aromantic — I feel like there is a desire inside me to be close to someone, more intimately, safely. Of course I often think about sex too. I’m 21, and it honestly hurts that even people younger than me experience love, relationships, closeness. And I feel like I can’t, like I’ll never fall in love. And at the same time I hope I’m not a lesbian :( I hope I’m not just forcing myself to be straight, like what if I’m only imagining that I’m straight. I feel like I can’t talk about the topic of men with anyone — I feel anxiety and start getting uncomfortable because I feel like I’m lying to myself, that I’m not straight. And I’m scared that this is a sign that I’m not into men. Because if I were straight, I probably wouldn’t have these feelings, right? But then I imagine a man’s hands caressing me, hugging me… and I actually tend to imagine intimate things with a man. But in real life I don’t like anyone. And if someone would told me to try to find someone, to download a dating app for example, to reach out to someone — suddenly I feel like I don’t want to, like I want to run away, and I start feeling sick. But at the same time I have no desire to date women either, I’ve never wanted a relationship with a woman. I’d rather not even think about it. I keep testing it in my head. Whenever love or relationships are mentioned, I feel like running away. But why do I feel some kind of longing inside, or want to not be left out of that feeling? To also have the chance to love, to experience a relationship, maybe even s*x if I felt trust and closeness. But I really don’t understand any of this anymore. Maybe I’m just too emotional today and it hurts me inside. I really wouldn’t want to find out that I’m a lesbian. Because I’m not even interested in looking for women. I never have been. I never had a reason to. I only admired women and wanted to be like them and yea i like my friends but that’s it. It troubles me. I guess I don’t know what love is. At the same time, why did I have that thought recently about that one man, a long time ago — just the image of him giving me a kiss on my forehead, and then later the idea that he gave me flowers, and it made me cry. I felt it in my chest. And even when I remembered it later during the day, I didn’t feel uncomfortable. It felt good. Like it warmed my heart a little. But I’m scared that it’s fake. And what if men actually disgust me. 💔

i’m scared if i’m dying or if i have a tumor my side head hurts on my left and it feels like something is crawling on my head and my eye kinda hurts idk what to do help.

Guys I need help issues I've been going through and I honestly need help because if I was masturbating earlier today and it's felt like I purposely thought of my father why it's just I don't know why I just did and I feel so weirded out by it it's just like my thought just starting you know I don't know how to explain it it was just that was doing it and then my brain just focused on that instead my for some reason like it felt like I chose to think it's I am sorry if I'm not explaining it well but I feel like a weirdo and I don't want to be near my family anymore like I've been going through a lot and this is just horrible it's just like I chose to thank the thought and it felt like I wanted it and I feel so weird at all if someone had the same issue please let me know I just want to know I'm not alone in this it's not even that I also had sexuality issues because recently I've been down a spiral of looking at transgender and feminine men content and it's just like confusing for me I think it's just because my brain makes association of men that just made me think of my dad because I'm 18 and young and I'm on explorer myself so after I do it to be so types I honestly just feel shame and regret I don't think I am gay at least not that I know because afterwards I don't really like it but I just feel shame when I do it but also I feel so horrible because it felt like I thotght it on purpose like it's just I don't know how to explain it I just thought it and now I'm afraid

I want to know whats the worst thoughts / content you ever got and how you got through it , and what about your relationship? Because I’m currently having thoughts that go like “imagine xyz act “ (sexual ocd) and it can throw in things like my bf friends names or even continue the statement like that and it bothers me so much . I feel like I’m going numb yet at the same time I feel really sad and depressed about it

Hey everyone I’m looking for advice/ support from anyone else who may be going through or experienced something similar. This may be a long post so thank you to whoever actually reads it all x So recently (a few months ago) I started looking into OCD as I learnt what it really was, and a lot of it resonated with me. An example is when I was younger I struggled a lot with obsessing over god and became extremely religious at the age of 7 leading to extreme praying every night and feeling this immense weight of being a good person and I needed to pray to make sure I was. I don’t struggle with this anymore but as I have looked more into OCD there is so many things I experience that I have thought are normal or just my anxiety or ADHD. I regularly cancel out my horrific intrusive thoughts with ‘good’ thoughts to make sure I’m not a terrible person and I want to do or think those things. I have an extreme obsession with being a good and morally right person, so much so that I have had to quit my job (I am still in school) as I was so terrified that if I went I would say or do something and people would view me as a bad person. The same thing happened at school, I barely ever went and if I did it was usually after a panic attack. This was also caused by feeling like if I went something bad would happen to my family at home and I would be responsible because I wasn’t there. Every night I have to ruminate and step through every thing I may have said or done that could make me a bad person and it usually ends it lots of ‘what ifs’ or ‘maybe i did something terrible and i just forgot’. I have tried opening up to my mum (i am only 16) and i had a therapist who specialised in OCD for a few sessions but it was online and i hated it. It is so clear to me that my mum doesn’t think I have it. Every behaviour that i say could be OCD she always says it could just be ADHD which just sends me into a further spiral of ‘i am a bad person because im lying and i dont really have OCD’ so now I can’t talk to anyone about it over this constant thought that i am lying. Even when I was 7 at a psychologist they said I had OCD tendencies but she brushed it off as my anxiety. She tells me she doesn’t know enough about it to understand why I think I have it but she’s not doing anything to learn more. I have sent her numerous articles and things I resonate with but she never reads them. Even with the OCD therapist we did a assessment/ form thing where I filled out how much I related to the OCD symptoms and my mum did one how much she thought I related to them. I scored super high on it for OCD symptoms and she literally said she didn’t think I related to more than one or two. That led me to learn about pure O ocd as a lot of my compulsions are in my head or not seen. Some examples are repeating certain numbers or phrases to cancel out intrusive thoughts in my head, avoidance of events where I could do something wrong or bad, struggling making even the smallest decisions over fear it wont be the ‘right’ one, constant worry over if im not ‘perfect’ (perfect grades, morals, behaviours)that im not adhering to the invisible moral code that determines if im good, frantically googling for hours what my intrusive thoughts mean and if they are thoughts a bad person has, signs I am a bad person, am I a psychopath etc. Another thing that has been happening recently thats more visible is i absolutely HAVE to speak out if one of my family members says something that I see as mean or morally incorrect and its like this guilty by association thing and it makes me spiral as I feel that it is my responsibility to make sure that they are good people too (i know it sounds crazy). It has led to a big argument with my mum where she yelled at me for being too “self-righteous” and thinking im “better than everyone because i have morals and that everyone else who is worse than me” and that she is sick of my lectures about her being “too mean” or a “bad person”. Honestly i didnt even know how to react to that. I felt so guilty because I know I do that I know I know but I know the guilt will consume me either way. It is honestly consuming me and I just wish for a day where I’m not policing every thought and behaviour of mine. Sorry for that very long rant but hoping that someone can give their thoughts if they have gone through the same thing or have any advice for what to do ❤️❤️❤️

It was making me think I was viewing my girlfriend as only a platonic friend and making it feel like it too... i like her romantically... and I want to be with her always... Its also making me feel like i'm not attracted to her when i am and always want to be... it makes it feel like i have no feelings for her at all... Its also giving me these "fantasies" in my head of what life would look like after we break up... i dont want to break up with her... Today i was at catholic mass and i teared up watching her sing and talking about how beautiful and amazing she was. it was making me feel like i physically didn't have feelings for her the whole time though... And now im with her and its making me feel like im not attracted to her... i want to be with her and i want to date this girl... so bad... but its making me feel like I'm not attracted to her and i hate it... when im cuddling theres a little bit attraction feeling in my stomach... but it was making me feel like I wasn't attracted when I was with her and her parents the whole time...

A few days ago at my school someone brought a weapon and got arrested, nobody was hurt (physically) but it really shook me up. I KNEW the person who brought it and he didn’t like me at all. I keep having intrusive visions of him killing me, and I’m scared to go back to school. Does anyone have any advice on what to do? Like how to not be so stressed over it

Is nausea normal with ROCD? I could literally just be on a video call with my bf and I’m nauseous. I’m not even thinking about anything specific/no intrusive thoughts. So why am I nauseous? The nausea itself leads to anxiety. Why am I nauseous. Do I not love him? I just wrote him a small love letter cuz he’s having a hard time. Even being with him physically makes me nauseous when it never used to. I love being around him. I love cuddling. Smelling him. Sorry that sounds weird lol. But even touching him in certain places (mostly his chest) makes me worry I’m actually a lesbian and it’s finally breaking through and the nausea is a sign but I don’t think that’s the case. Lesbians don’t like men at all. I do. I enjoy his company romantically. I wanna go watch the sunset with him. Kiss in the rain. Cuddle under the sheets while it snows. Etc. and I enjoy having sex with him. Him specifically. I like touching his body during it I like looking at him. I don’t want it to end once we get going. With my anxiety and ocd it’s hard getting in the mood. Even if I mentally want to my body is like “no” and my brain is like “see. You’re not turned on.” Which reinforces the cycle. This is my first long term relationship so idk what I should be feeling. It’s hard to picture the future cuz I’ve never had to plan one with someone. I can kinda see an apartment. How we share holidays (interfaith) having friends and family over. Maybe we’ll be where we are now. Maybe we’ll be in another country (I wanna go to med school, I’m applying anywhere lol. Except the US. Naur). But like. Specifics are hard. I just know I want to drag him along with me lol (lovingly, I want him to be there. He makes life easy). Maybe my birth control is playing into this. I don’t feel things as intensely anymore. I’ve had it for like a year now. Anyways. I wanna see what the future holds for us but im terrified im gonna like leave him at the altar or smthn or randomly fall out of love. Im worried I already have cuz I’ve been randomly angry, not at him more at his situation, plans get interrupted, Ik it’s out of his control. He literally cannot afford the 3 prescription meds he needs nor a cpap machine for his sleep apnea (love the man but lord he snores like a train😭😭😭). He always makes it up to me. If he didn’t then we’d be having a different convo. I’m not used to being in a state of calm in dating. I’ve never planned to get engaged till him. I’m worried I’m wanting to get married and engaged just to have those things not cuz I wanna be with him. How can I tell the difference?

It’s 4:30 am lol My brain is spinning a bit I’ll say Idk I keep worrying I don’t feel enough or I’m not excited enough to be with my partner long term. I’m worried I’m only thinking of him as a means to an end/an obligation. But it’s not Yes part of me wants to live with him so I can get out of my dorm but I wanna live with him cuz I love him and he’s fun. I hate when he has to go home and he can’t stay over. I want him to stay here with me. Cuddle all night. Idk the lack of butterflies makes my brain panic. The fact I’m not excited all the time makes my brain panic Makes it worry I’d be better off with someone else- another man? A woman? I get nauseous at the thought of either. I get nauseous around him too so idk what’s real. I kinda do tho? Looking at him makes me feel safe and warm but my body keeps making me nauseous when I don’t want to be. I try not to focus on it but it keeps coming back It makes everything so confusing. I just know I want him. That’s it. I don’t care about anyone else romantically. I’m scared thatll change. That at 60 I’ll drop everything for someone else. I don’t want to. I don’t feel warm and fuzzy telling him I love him- is that normal? It still feels nice to say it and to hear it. I think we’re so used to saying it to each other. Same goes for nicknames lol. No warm and fuzzy feelings when he calls me honey or habibti (he speaks Arabic lol) but I still love it. It feels surreal that we’ve been together almost 2 years. Idk. I’m worried I’m not happy enough about that but I cry tears of joy thinking about how far we’ve come and how far we have yet to go. I love running my hands through his hair. Recently I’ve been overthinking touching him. I avoid the pec area a lot cuz I’m worried if I touch it I’ll think of women. It’s never made me uncomfortable before but now it does. Which is annoying. I’m kinda trying to re integrate ig? I’m worried I’m touching him wrong or smthn. It’s never bothered me before but with my recent soocd it’s kinda tripping me the fuck up yknow??? I adore him. I love his body. He’s hot. He’s funny. He’s got nice muscles. He’s soft. Warm. Why am I suddenly feeling weird about certain parts? Is this normal in ocd? Hopefully someone takes the time to read all of this I genuinely do love him but I’m so worried I’m actually a liar and repulsed by his body. The first time I saw him shirtless all I wanted to do was run my hands all over him. Hold him close. Clearly I am not a lesbian. Now I still do, just not in an aggressively horny way like when we first got together LOL. It’s still horny, when we get going, yay responsive desire. But most of the time it’s just touching and cuddling. Idk I feel like I’m going crazy