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Anyone willing to share how debilitating their OCD has been? 1. Able to work? 2. Consider yourself miserable? I haven’t been able to work three years and have been occasionally suicidal many many years

I have the worst intrusive thoughts about ending my life...I absolutely don't want to but my brain tells me I'm depressed and I actually hate my life and that just sends me I to a panic.. I can't be around people for long or else my thoughts say this is the last time I'm gonna see them. Then I feel like I'm in absolute torture and then my thoughts say the only way to get relief is death. I'm so scared.. I had such a good day yesterday and now this.. :(

Constantly struggling with the thought of "Am I a pedophile?" I have never harmed a child but have had horrible thoughts. Where's the line? If I have to ask does that mean I am one? Feeling suicidal and in need of support.

Frist off, I am not asking for reassurance nor do I have concrete plans of suicide, so please don't flag. I am just asking because my therapist was asking if I had Suicidal OCD or actual suicidal ideation, but I am unsure how to exactly tell them apart. I mostly get thoughts of "I am worthless and don't deserve to live" and intrusive images of seeing myself commiting suicide, but they theme ego-dystonic. On the other hand sometimes there are feeling of actual worthlessness and being overwhelmed with life.

Today i feel like crying. I am so upset today. All my thoughts are negative and they just make me upset. I feel like i need a break from life. Everything is so hard. I just can't do it anymore. I was strong for so long but today i feel like giving up. I want to feel free atleast for a day. Everything seems so tough. I am not that strong enough. 😭😭😭

Hey guys so I just got broken up with in the last week. I’ve always had really bad ocd and self harm thoughts. When my bf and I moved into together I was so happy and he understood how to help me with my ocd. I didn’t have bad thoughts for the full 8 months we were together! And then we broke up bc I found out a lot of things he was lying about. I’m living back home again, single and all of my bad thoughts and urges are back again, I don’t know how to make it stop. Living with him is the FIRST time I’ve had these thoughts go away. Now everything is bad once again. If anyone has any advice that could help I’d appreciate it.

Hi I’m looking to connect with people who are experiencing harm/suicidal and pure ocd. I’ve had these themes for a while. The compulsive behaviors have always been in my head (ruminating,catastrophes,what ifs, intrusive commands “do it”, “you want to”, “you will”, “you’re suicidal “). I’ve had other themes in between but these specific ones aren’t letting go. I’m in ERP therapy through NOCD for the last few months, my therapist is great but I’m just having a hard time. I’m just wondering if anyone has overcome these themes? What exposures have you done and how did you get through it? How long did it take you? Etc … any shared experience is greatly appreciated thanks

I don’t know what happened again. I feel so numb. I feel like I want to d!e. Not into doing something to myself and I’m making sure I’m not alone anyway, but I just can’t stand that feeling. Emotionally so exhausted and distressed. I just need someone to tell me it will eventually pass. Please. My life was so good before all of it. I can’t even be sad about it anymore. I don’t know if things can ever go back to normal. I feel like my brain changed. Idk how to explain it.

I’ve been struggling recently what if the “ what if these aren’t intrusive thoughts from ocd” because my mental health has been terrible , I’m at at ting to have suicidal thoughts and siv never been a depressed person I’m very scared of death actaully:( it’s scaring me that I’m having these thoughts and images 😕

I struggle with Harm/Suicidal OCD. This causes me great distress and worry. Not only doubt, fear, and stress! I am trying to not take medication because my husband and I are finally expecting our first baby. I want to be the best for myself & my family that I can be. What has help everyone else? The thoughts and feelings make it feel so real that I want to commit suicide when in reality I do not & they make me think so many horrific thoughts. I want to be the person I was before that didn’t have any of these thoughts. Any recommendations for help is greatly appreciated!

i remember feeling more hopeless in the past, having lower moments, mentally, you know, in 2022 i completely lost it. and i remember being 14 in 2020 and for the first time really considering ending my life. but still every day i wake up and go to sleep in the ocd prison, i am so tired, no one understands the patterns are the same, have been the same for years and yet i don’t know how to cope. it’s so exhausting.

Am I the only one who is losing hope for healing from ocd? I was always really hopeful about it and thought that I will recover soon but now I had ocd for so long (4 years) already and even though I noticed changes they were not the biggest. About half a year ago I had suicidal thoughts and I feel them coming back. I don’t know if that’s normal or I might just have depression? Anyways, I’m just so sick of my ocd if someone has advice for staying hopeful or if someone just have any quotes or something that makes them stay motivated that would be great! ❤️✨🌧️

Early this morning I was laying in bed with my youngest daughter. My Harm OCD was having a field day. The intrusive thoughts that I would hurt her. So vivid and alarming scared me so bad. I really had to lean into "these are ocd thoughts" I know I would NEVER hurt her. My therapist has let me know OCD takes what we value most and turns it against us. Being able to identify that it is a terrible thought and the fact that it brings horrible fear with it shows that it is OCD. I just hate this. Other subtypes are horrible too but this I think is the worst. I also have suicide OCD that flares up from time to time. I have a irrational fear of dying/getting older but I still have the thought of "What if I get so bad I just snap and think its the only way out" and then I spiral in those thoughts of guilt and not wanting to get that bad. Other days I have just the residual anxiety that sits there. The physical feeling of the adrenaline dumping into my body and not knowing why. I have been able to function and I am working on reframing and identifying triggers (Fairly new to this). Not seeking reassurance, but I am wondering if anyone else has had similar. PS. I have started having very Vivid dreams when I go to bed. I don't know if its the OCD or if its the recent med change. If anyone has input or wants to discuss some of them I am very open to it.

Did anyone else used to read messed up fanfictions on wattpad and stuff? I have so much guilt it’s so unbelievable what I used to read and I don’t understand how I could have read some of the things I read. The amount of things I did wrong as a kid/teen I feel like I’m completely numb to all of my monad like I don’t even care that much anymore. I know it’s not true but I just feel so defeated. I feel like I was a p word and other messed up stuff without realizing I was. I was homeschooled and didn’t have any real life interaction with anyone and not great sex education, and I say this to myself maybe it took me longer to figure out certain things were unusual or wrong but that’s not really an excuse. Idk. I feel so burnt out and out of ideas for what to do. I want to die and I want to live at the same time. I’m scared of everything and all of the mistakes I made. It’s just an endless list of mistakes. Sorry, I just am desperate for a need to vent.

I suffer with harm ocd, towards my husband I kinda was getting over it already because I knew I didn’t wanna do it but I yesterday I fell into my depression episode again. I started crying really bad. I just felt super sad. Really confused a lot of emotions till today. I still feel like that. I don’t know if it’s because my hormones are all over the place. I got sick from the flu and I also have my period but I’m about to end it and I feel a lot of things. I just feel super sad yesterday with no like motivation. I started feeling sad again with no purpose on life . I recently saw this video like when people get happy while having depression is because they made a decision that they wanna like end their life and I’m scared. I’m gonna do that like I’m scared. I’m gonna start having suicidal thoughts or like I get happy. That like I know it’s because I wanna end my life. I feel so much for my husband I love him because he’s the one that helped me out, but I don’t know why my mind gets mad whenever I think that I love him so much like it’s like something and it gets mad and makes me think I wanna kill him for no reason and I feel like no motivation for anything so it’s like you would want to do that because there’s no reason of living anymore if you are gonna be sad your whole life.

I am issuing a trigger warning because I will be discussing Su!cide themed OCD and don’t want to trigger anyone struggling with thoughts like this. ❤️ I have been struggling with suicidal themed ocd (not ideation, unwanted thoughts that are very distressing) as well as existential OCD. I am posting this to help anyone feel less alone / if anyone with similar themes wants to chat. My main fear is that I will become sick of the distress I am experiencing and will decide that I want to commit S. I also fear being depressed and being passively suicidal and am constantly checking whether I truly want to die or whether it’s OCD related. Then my existential OCD loves to join in saying “what if this is all pointless, this is all meaningless, life will never be enjoyable again” etc. I then fear that I will start to believe these thoughts because they feel so real & that my philosophy on life will change and I will take my own life because I cannot take it anymore. I feel like I cannot move on without knowing that there is a purpose and that I 100% will NOT k!ll myself. But I am aware of how OCD works. I know I need to leave these questions alone because my true values still exist deep down, but it feels irresponsible to do so. I DO NOT want reassurance, but I am sharing this so people feel less alone because these themes (especially su!cidal) are extremely taboo. Love to anyone reading this- we are gonna make it!! ❤️

why do I keep feeling like this Just wanna cry Just wanna cut I don’t know how to deal with this

sometimes i genuinely believe that i would be a lot better off as dead. i hate being like this. i hate being me. i don’t want to be a bad person or a burden on anyone. it’s starting to feel like i want the thoughts because they’re no longer causing me anxiety, i don’t know if that’s down to my meds or what but. it’s like i feel disgust and guilt but i don’t feel the panic if that makes any sense? i’m a terrible person, i don’t deserve any type of happiness. it all feels so real, i fully believe what my ocd is telling me even though i know this time a few months ago i wouldn’t have ever thought anything like this. when will this all stop? i feel like the right thing for me to do is end it all

I feel like dying right now

I'm a 16 Y/O male who always had anxiety and panic attacks. Recently my anxiety went up terribly with a fear of having a brain tumor or having an aneurysm. One night this terrible thought came into my head about killing my family and how simple it would be and it scared me to death. This feeling went through my body and I kept thinking "what's stopping me" | don't think I want it but what if I do? What if one day I get so angry and snap? I feel like l'd rather take my own life before someone else's but what if that won't be the case later on? I've tried meds before but eventually just never took them. I'm not sure if I should take them again or if they'll make me even more insane. I feel like my brain won't be able to control its self someday. I don't want to feel like this anymore but I really can't stop it. I live in such a small town with not much "therapy" that's face to face. Most of it is online. I want to be okay. Can someone please PLEASE help me.