Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I can't sleep, anyone else here is up to chat? Ask me anything

🔞 hello everyone! yesterday there was a get-together at my company, like a party.. i was really thinking about whether i should go or not, like, my mind kept repeating "pedophiles have no face, what if they knew about the problems you go through", or similar things..i have a coworker who has a little brother, and she always talks about him..i feel kind of guilty when i talk about him with her, even though she's the one who starts it. and these thoughts always come to my head, like "more Imagine if she knew what you're going through, never would do that". i think i will never be happy again if this problem persists, if i am not diagnosed quickly..as if it will always prevent me from being at peace, and it really does. yesterday i had thoughts of younger girls, between 15/16, with older men, and it's as if they did it for pleasure..💔 i know this would never sound right to me, i would never look at this idea and feel like it, but my body reacts differently and it kills me. i feel groin sensations, and also my body goes into a panic state, tension..idk. i feel like the more i know about pedophilic situations, the more my brain will develop this and work to give me fear or "pleasure". this makes me desperate. i'm afraid I'll never be normal again, if i ever was..

I'm freaking out a bit right now. I've been doing okay for the past few days, but these thoughts and memories are still bothering me. I was in the car earlier and remembered a post I'd seen on here where someone said they had POCD thoughts that would tell them they'd go searching for illegal content online, and ever since then, it's really triggered my POCD. I'd never even considered that a possibility, and now I'm scared. I thought, "What if I do that?" But I know that I wouldn't... But the thought pops up occasionally, and it's really starting to bother me. I even had the thought of, "What if it's genuine curiosity to what that would look like?" And now I'm panicking. I feel like a horrible human being. I don't want those things. I wish these thoughts would just go away, but it all feels so real. I've been trying really hard these past few days, but sometimes it feels like I might snap and really do something. I'm really scared right now. If anyone could offer advice, I'd really appreciate it. I feel insane, and I can't even share this with anyone close to me. The next appointment with my psychiatrist isn't until after the holidays, and I feel like I'm barely holding on sometimes. I don't know how I'm doing it.

For example, I kissed my dog’s lower back, above her tail affectionately. She looks like a potato, and absolutely adore her. I said “a kiss to your booty.” My sister said that was weird to say, but I’m not sure how serious she was. I tried my best to shrug it off because I don’t think my intentions were harmful. I do anxious when I get near my pets because my OCD attacks them badly. I see them like my children so I feel like it’s almost a variation of POCD. However, because I was anxious giving her affection, I feel like I did something I shouldn’t have especially with my sister’s comment. I know I am overthinking but I hate how often things like this happen and how they never seem to get easier. Anyone else? Any advice?

this summer i told my nail tech about my thoughts (i didnt know about rocd back then) she triggered me real bad telling me that maybe i dont love him anymore and i dint want to accept it beacuse i dont want to hurt him, that made a big impact on me. Today i did my nails and she asked me about my problem, i was very triggered, she asked me if i had something that i dont like about him, i told her that is a mental disorder that many people have but luckily she kinda understood and i left because i was done. It really triggered me, i dont know how to feel and what i feel. Today was my first time saying maybe i do maybe i dont to my thoughts, i dont know if it did something, i feel like a liar. I am affraid this is my truth. My mother tells me to pray, i am catholic, i pray every night but im just very scared. As im writing this i dont know what i feel. What do you suggest ?:(

(for context, read my other posts) I feel like no one responds to my posts (even if that’s not true). I think it might be because it seems like I’m asking for reassurance, or maybe it’s just the algorithm. I just want to talk to someone who has similar experiences or can relate. I’m really desperate.

I still feel fearful of cancer. No matter what I do Im scared that I still to much red meat or milk will make my Risk higher and there's no way to not get cancer. I'm not super active, I'm focused on being a streamer and I'm trying to improve to reduce the risk but I'm fighting my mind weather I will or not. I have has family die due to this my friends uncle has it. And I'm so scared and I don't know who to talk to, it's not like I can afford therapy at the moment either. I'm so scared it's been eating at me for the whole week. I'm a sit down for fore then 4 hours that's not good, or if I eat chicken noodle soup, or if I drink one soda because I'm out of water. Granted I was never a healthy person, and I neglected health concerns but now I regret not caring, and being ignorant. It worries me, I'm scared.

I regret researching every single day🫠 In the beginning, I thought searching for similar stories to my own would help ease my fears, but my mind ended up latching onto their worries, which only heightened the anxiety I had before. There were worries I didn't have, and now I do.

Hi all! I’m (29, F) in a new relationship (25, F) of 6 months and everything is pretty amazing. This is my first real relationship, as OCD and other anxieties have held me back from dating for quite a while, but my girlfriend is kind, smart, really empathetic, and very thoughtful, she’s pretty perfect. My issue recently is that I’m starting to get this overwhelming thought that I have to tell her everything that I’m thinking and feeling or I’m lying to her… for a very long time, I would always confide in my Mom whenever I had any anxiety or OCD issues , and just in general, but now that I’m confiding in my gf more often i’m starting to feel bad and like I’m lying to her when I do confide in my mom about things that are happening in our relationship, or if I don’t tell my girlfriend absolutely everything that I’m thinking… it’s like my brain isn’t allowing me to have private thoughts without feeling like I’m lying… I’m just wondering if anyone else experiences this and how you might deal with it. Thank you!

(i don't have a diagnosis of anything, yet) since may, when i had a "scare" on an erotic literature website, i have been suffering from these obsessive thoughts of pedophilia. in 2021, when i suffered an online sexual trauma on omegle, i also had thoughts along these lines. i was afraid to face children, but i did it to prove to myself that i didn't feel anything besides..and i really didn't feel it, i just found children cute and adorable (some), and teenagers annoying. in 2022, i got better, i spent 1 year without watching pornographic content and i was no longer so afraid of being around children, but I remember certain uncomfortable episodes. 2023 seems like it was the best year in this regard, i don't remember feeling too uncomfortable and i also worked on my sexuality as a sapphic. but 2024..it's like this came 100x worse. since the trauma, nothing is normal for me anymore. obsessive thoughts, doubts, "intrusive thoughts" (which i don't know if they are really intrusive, because it gives the impression that i can control them, but i know i have to test myself, not for pleasure). i also got a virtual girlfriend 2 months before this catastrophe. she has helped me a lot! but intimate moments with her, since then, have been so difficult because i don't feel excited enough. i have very, VERY bad thoughts! within this theme of pedophilia, it involves: racism, ableism, ageism.. as if I really were that horrible person! i remember always having some racist thoughts (unfortunately) when I'm in this state of mental health, but i can ignore them because i know they don't go against what i preach and think. but the pedophilia ones?! no.. i can't stop thinking, at different ages, why this would attract me (and i think of the most sordid and disgusting reasons possible), feeling groinals, trying to turn bad scenarios into good ones.. i know a lot of this could be OCD symptoms, but i'm afraid i'm faking it because i know they're symptoms, and if I didn't know, i would act differently or in a way that was not related to OCD at all. can someone understand me, please?! yesterday, unfortunately, i relapsed into pornography, i was able to feel things but not enough... i blamed myself for it. so my head created a completely problematic scenario, involving minors...but i managed to control it! i managed to turn it into something good even before being overcome by the panic that i always feel when i think about it. i was happy about that, because i could control it..but they kept coming, testing me. i would just cut it. i have so many thoughts that tell me it's not OCD as i write this text. anyway! if you read this far, thank you very much and i'm sorry for the drama, if you found it dramatic. if you can help me, i will be very grateful!

I want to start off by saying I haven't been formally diagnosed, but it's been a discussion with my psychiatrist. I've been diagnosed with GAD in the past, though, as well as ASD. I've been watching Nathan Peterson's videos on YouTube after I began considering the culprit behind my intrusive thoughts to be OCD, but I'm really struggling to apply his teachings to myself and to hold onto hope that things will get better. The memories, thoughts, and images in my mind seem so vivid and constant. A little over a year ago, none of these things were an issue for me. Now, I feel as if I'll never escape this feeling of constant guilt and shame over things from childhood that I'd forgotten about until recently. How do I stop feeling like my life is over? I'm only 19 years old, but it feels like it's too late for me. I'm going to request a referral to an OCD specialist from my psychiatrist and hopefully find someone in my area who practices ERP. I've considered finding a NOCD therapist, but I'm hesitant. I've never done online therapy. If anyone has any advice, it'd be greatly appreciated. I made a post on here the other day as well, and I don't want to make a habit out of it, but I'm just feeling really lost at the moment. Is recovery possible? What are your personal experiences, if any, with ERP therapy or any techniques you use to combat these thoughts? Thank you! :)

🔞 tw: p0rn there are days when i feel like there is an emptiness inside me. today i relapsed into pornography, after 2 months..like, i always try to avoid pornography, i know the harmful effects (both chemical and physical). I don't know if sometimes it comes back as a "compulsion" due to the horrible thoughts I have. comparing scenarios, seeing if it gives me pleasure.. While I'm thinking about this, many intrusive thoughts come to mind, and i have to 100% avoid any video that refers to an age gap situation (even though i'm always attracted to older people). like, why does my mind insist on telling me that if it were something illegal I would be enjoying it much more?! or creating pedo scenarios.. i know that pornography is not healthy at all for someone with OCD (i have no diagnosis), but i just feel a lot of fear and dread.

I feel like the thoughts are actually me now. Specifically the ones about my sexuality. I’m bisexual so yes I do like women but I’m worried I ONLY like women now and will lose my bf. Idk if I actually want to have sex with a woman. I’ve never had the desire to. Idk if I actually want to leave my boyfriend. Right now I feel indifferent when a few hours ago I actually felt normal feelings. I’m scared im never gonna enjoy sex with him again and I’m gonna be leading him on for years denying that I only like women when I do actually like men and enjoy sex with them it’s just when I have a lot on my plate (my thoughts, finals, other family stuff cuz yay holidays) I can’t actively enjoy it and want it to be over faster. I hate this. I just want to be normal. I’m getting Groinals over nothing and idk how to deal with them. Like I’m reading a story about lesbians coming out or I’m typing smtjn about my anxiety around the thoughts of my sexuality and I feel smthn down there. And I’m worried it’s true. I don’t feel actual anxiety in my stomach about it but I start ruminating but still feel confused. There’s no answer at the end. Is that normal? Idk what to do. My therapist and I took a break cuz Christmas so I’m out of therapy for 3 weeks. What can I do? What happens if I actually do enjoy the thoughts? I know it wouldn’t take away from me loving my boyfriend but I’m worried it’s gonna be stronger but again, doesn’t take away my love for him. Even if I’m slightly more attracted to women, I still like men. I can’t imagine myself being intimate with anyone anymore tho. Except my boyfriend when it’s actually happening but lately it feels like a mental block before we start but I go forward anyways. How do I know if it’s denial or if it’s just ocd? I’m scared that I’ll come out the other side of this a lesbian. My brain is already conjuring up thoughts of “aha I’ve solved it I’m a lesbian” when NO!! I LIKE MEN. I know I do. I just also like women. YOPPEE me for having options. CAN I PLEASE BE HAPPY WITH THE OPTION I CHOSE? THE TALL NERDY MAN J FELL IN LOVE WITH? FOR JUST A MINUTE? How do I know if I actually don’t have feelings for him and am just holding on cuz of denial? How do I know? I want a future with him and it seems so peaceful and beautiful but then my brain says “noooo you’re gonna break up with him cuz it’d be better being with a woman. Jordan wand is dating alistair and she’s happy” like good for her she has a gf but she’s also bi and likes men she’s just dating a woman. SHHH. Like my brain is convincing me that “ah yes this is the wrong person for you stupid.” No. I know I should stop fighting the thoughts but accepting uncertainty scares the shit out of me cuz what if I accept too much of it and actually end up hating my boyfriend. Even if I do remain bi what happens then? It’s 6 am I need to sleep I’ve been up all night. I’m supposed to study but I can’t.

I’m positive I have OCD I don’t think get too many compulsions but the obsessions are what mess with me. I’ve recently started medication for depression that is as a side effects supposed to treat ocd but I’m not noticing anything with the symptoms. Also who do I go to to try to get an actual diagnosis?

Do y’all ever forget basic needs sometimes? I have been going through a phase where I don’t drink water all day until night time and I drink so much that I hold my pee throughout the night until morning. I notice sometimes I even hold my breathe and get light headed or a headache and think something is medically wrong with me 😭or is this my ocd?

I'm sorry if this post is long, but I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with a similar issue? I'm currently seeking an OCD diagnosis from a psychiatrist, but we're trying out medication right now, so it's sort of a waiting game at the moment. I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in the past, but I suspect I might have OCD due to the onset in intrusive thoughts I've been having recently (the past 6-7 months). I've had intrusive thoughts when I was younger and convinced myself I'd harm my family members and grow up to be a serial killer. It was extremely distressing, and I'd cry myself to sleep every night after imagining scenarios where I actually committed those crimes. Although, recently, I've been dealing with thoughts of becoming a p*dophile. It began when I was 18 years old (I'm currently 19 years old). A family member opened up to me about them being assaulted at their daycare, and this led me to get a really horrible image of something like that happening to my little brothers who had just started daycare and elementary school. Then, this spiraled into games my younger sister and I would play with each other when we were younger (I must've been 8 years old), and I had worried I might have done something bad. I confessed this to her, my psychiatrist and both of my parents, and they reassured me I didn't do anything wrong, but the thoughts didn't stop. I began obsessing over every little memory from childhood, and a lot of bad memories resurfaced. As a child, I had unrestricted internet access, as I'm sure a lot of my generation did. This led me to have inappropriate conversations online with adults who knew my age, and later, I went down a rabbit hole of finding inappropriate content on YouTube. For years, these memories rarely crossed my mind or mattered to me until recently. In the process of researching for reassurance, I found out about hypersexuality. I'm afraid that those things I engaged in as a child might've caused all of this? I'm not even positive if I'm hypersexual, but one of the symptoms was paraphilia, and I freaked out. What if what I thought was POCD is actually hypersexuality, and I'm going to give into these intrusive thoughts/urges... I try to tell myself that if it's causing me this much distress, that won't happen, but then my mind tells me there's always a possibility, and maybe I'm just in denial about it all? What if these intrusive thoughts make me become a horrible person? It's such an isolating experience. I'm sorry for the long post, but advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm wondering if people have had similar experiences and, if so, how have you dealt with these thoughts? Thank you🥲

I have a lot of friends that have health anxiety but they have the type where they constantly go to the dr for every little thing to check to make sure they are ok.. i unfortunately am 100% convinced I’m dying or terminal or will receive the worst prognosis. I am slowly conquering my fear of the dr but not as well as I would like to be.. I was CONVINCED I had melanoma to the point I was crying everyday because I was so sure I was going to die.. I couldn’t bring myself to go to the dermatologist because I was so scared of receiving bad news.. I did finally go! I spent all summer crying over it but went in November got 2 moles removed and they both came back benign.. I’m mad at myself for missing out on life and wasting so much time for it to be nothing.. the theme has jumped to my teeth.. I vape which I know is awful and I’m working on stopping.. I eat a lot of sugar and I haven’t been to the dentist in awhile.. there is some noticeable tartar on one of my bottom teeth but I can’t bring myself to go to the dentist because I’m so convinced I have mouth cancer or will need surgery or my teeth removed.. any advice on how to face this.. it’s so exhausting because if one thing gets checked out I just switch to the next.. idk when it ends. And the more appointments I go to the more scared I get because I’m like well everything else was okay so THIS TIME it has to be cancer or a big problem..

I just feel petrified and I don’t understand why. There aren’t even any thoughts right now. I just feel so scared.

Literally everything. I was talking to my friend, I have to confess that to my bf. I post on here, I have to confess that to my bf. I make a joke, I have to confess that to my bf. This is getting out of hand. I was doing better and I had stopped confessing but now it’s like on crack.

Idk if it’s ROCD rn. I don’t feel much anxiety but it could be habituation to the thoughts of breaking up and worrying about if I love him enough. It’s hard to see a future. I’m pretty sure I still want it. It’s just it’s hard to see cuz of the thoughts I’m having. But there’s no anxiety. Is it just me falling out of love? Idk anymore. I’m a bit stressed and sad. I do love him but I worry I don’t love him enough. We’re of different cultures and religions and reading comments online people say it just doesn’t work so maybe it’s getting in my head. I feel a bit numb and confused. I still respond to the thoughts so that doesn’t help. Before all this a future with him was so clear but now imagining it I feel slightly anxious. Maybe it’s cuz I’m worried the risk won’t work out. I do want it to work out but I’m finding it hard to pixture the future Maybe it’s cuz idk what’s in store cuz this isn’t the life I imagined for myself. I never imagined dating a sweet Muslim guy. I thought I’d date a mediocre white man lol or a woman(yay bisexual, but also really scared cuz of soocd which could also be impacting this) So it’s a huge culture shift for me. I can’t see the wedding. I can sorta see the apartment. That doesn’t really change much, just the decor. I can’t see a family even tho I really really want it. I want to be immersed in his family and culture. I’m worried I’m gonna get bored of him which is literally impossible. I’m worried I’m gonna cringe at his looks. I’m worried I’m gonna realize I’m gay in the future (I’m not I know that. I like men) idk. I’m scared and confused. Did anyone else struggle with being unable to picture the future but knew or sorta knew you still wanted it despite the thoughts you were having? I can’t tell if it’s just an ocd thought or a genuine concern because of our differences even tho we’ve discussed everything. I know there will be events we can’t expect but we talked about what we could and then my brain jumps to worst case scenarios about smthn that may not even happen I want to live my life with him I know that. Idk what to do or how to distinguish the thoughts. Usually if it’s a what if it’s a not me thoight is what my therapist says so I try that but a lot of the thoughts come as statements. What do I do?