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agh .. okay .. i’m so so embarrassed to post this, i’m literally crying .. but i need some help and advice. or maybe just a place to vent. i don’t know yet. so .. i was hanging out with three of my cousins today, and a few friends. one of my cousins was driving us around, and it was a pretty long drive, and we all just chatted, had fun, you know, normal teenager shit. but i couldn’t help but shift my focus onto certain things about my cousin driving — “wow, he’s going so fast, he’s so cool,” “i like the way his hands are gripping the wheel. wow his hands. hands hands hands” “his happy trail looks nice” (we went swimming) “i feel jealous of his girlfriend” and all sorts of things. i just feel. so awful. i don’t want these thoughts at all, and i feel just horrible. my ocd mixed with hypersexuality from trauma is just not helping at all, and i just want to get rid of these thoughts. i feel so disgusted with myself, and i’m scared that even though intrusive thoughts are normal, maybe mine are too far and i’m just “unfixable” or “broken.” any advice on what i could do? :( edit: i would like to add that we’re not even blood cousins, since we’re “related” through my step dad, which makes these thoughts worse and makes my head go, “oh, well, it’s okay!!” aghh. so frustrating :(

No need to dig into your subtype if you aren't comfortable with it! I noticed I could have a disorder when I was listening the Jurassic Park audiobook and my brain just went like "WHAT IF YOU CHEATED ON YOUR PARTNER AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW" out of the blue and I was girl wtf 😭 I tried to brush it off and ignore it but we all know that didn't work and without noticing I would still thinking on it

Wanted to talk.. Just some ocd discussion not for the reassurance But know more about it... Hope someone will.. Thanks!🙏😇 (Been recovering from so ocd)..! So just wanted to educate myself..

17f That's it I'm a monster. Before yesterday I had classic textbook POCD. Avoided children like crazy, was scared to even look at them. But something randomly clicked in my head and I became a monster. I suddenly became numb to s*xual thoughts about children. No anxiety, no remorse, no "this is wrong" or "this is weird" feeling. Nothing. Just weird curiosity. I was able to imagine SAing a child. Even made a hypothetical plan on how I would do it. And still. No remorse. No nothing. Now it's the next day and I'm freaking out. I still feel kinda numb to the images and the morality itself but at the same time it scared me how OKAY I was with the thoughts even made a PLAN.

The subject of OCD matters to the sufferer because it feels like confirmation that they are fundamentally unlovable and unwanted—as if even existence itself doesn’t want them. They feel like an error, carrying a deep sense of guilt and shame, as if they were inherently wrong. They suffer from low self-esteem and a deep internalized shame, because long ago, they were fragmented and learned a pattern of fundamental distrust—especially self-distrust. But the real trouble doesn’t come from the content of the most vile or taboo thoughts. It comes from the fact that the sufferer lacks self-love. That’s why, when you begin to walk the road to recovery, you’re taught unconditional self-acceptance—because that’s what all sufferers of OCD have in common: if you aren’t 100% sure, if there isn’t absolute certainty, the doubt will continue to attack you and your core values. It will make you doubt everything—even your own aversion to the thoughts. You have to relearn how to trust yourself—not because you accept that you might become a murderer someday—but because you enter a deep state of acceptance about who you truly are. It’s not about becoming a monster at all. It’s about making peace with what lies at the root of the fear. Making peace with the guilt. With the shame. Making peace with yourself and the person you fear you might be. Because that fear is not rooted in reality. It’s not rooted in any true desire to act. It’s rooted in your identity—specifically, in what might threaten it. That’s what confirms the belief that you are fundamentally wrong. And OCD fuels that belief by using intrusive taboo thoughts to attack your very sense of self. But then I wonder: let’s say, for example, someone fears being or becoming a sexually dangerous person—how could that person practice unconditional self-acceptance? I would never accept myself if I were to harm anyone—the thought alone makes me want to cry. I know it’s not about whether or not someone acts on the thought. It’s about the core fear underneath it. So how do you accept yourself when the thoughts—and the feelings around them—feel so completely unacceptable ?

Good morning to my fellow community members ☕️ I hope everyone reading this is having an enjoyable summer to the best of their abilities 🌞 After responding to a post of mine from three years ago that someone just commented on; I wanted to take the time to put myself out there and share a brief update on where I’m at in both my recovery and remission status. Overall, I’m in a night and day different place with my OCD from three years ago and I’m thankful, grateful and blessed for that 🙏 Many factors have come into play in order for me to be where I’m at today and able to write this very post 💯 However, I have been met with trials and tribulations along the way and it’s been a very challenging process, but I’ve done my best along the way to take each year on with both stride and grace ☮️ And so, I wanted to speak on as of very recently; not going over my entire journey over the past few years. Hence, the title of this post being “Harm OCD Spike” and it’s exactly that. For me, it’s minimal, but it might be major for someone else who is experiencing Harm OCD and so I wanted to share it with you all and let everyone know that no matter where we’re at in our OCD journeys; unfortunately, it’s never going to be 100% perfect because as we all know; nothing in life is ever 100% perfect and that’s just the reality and that’s entirely okay ✅ It’s a tough pill to swallow in general, but especially for someone like me who has been challenged by the subtype of Perfectionism since my teenage years as well. And so, yes; as of late I have noticed a very-slight increase of random Harm OCD thoughts. Very similar and very comparable to others from throughout my past dealing with Harm OCD. That said, I’m aware of them; I don’t at all like the fact that they’ve sporadically presented themselves, but I’m not at all going to beat myself up about them the way I once did and let’s use “Three years ago” for example (referencing the intro to this post) and that in it and of itself is a win 💪 I’ve acknowledged these few random thoughts that have presented themselves based upon now known triggers. And as we all know; anyone, anything, anytime and at any place can trigger us and that also entirely okay because OCD is not specific when it comes to subtypes nor triggers 📢 No one nor anything is off limits when it comes to OCD and as unfortunate as that may be; it’s the factual reality that we all have to acknowledge, accept and embrace 📶 And again, entirely okay 👍 In conclusion, regardless of your random harm thought, the anxiety that comes to follow, the rumination after that, the want to perform compulsions; whether they’re mental and/or physical that we all experience and/or the assurance seeking that we all feel that we both want and need both in that moment and sometimes even after the fact; the fact of the matter is that no matter where we’re at in our journeys, this is ultimately what happens when having to live with this mental disorder/illness and that’s also entirely okay 🫶 I wish, hope and pray each and every single day since formally being diagnosed years ago that one day a 100% cure will be either discovered or made for us, but until if/when that day comes and God willing it does; we all have each other and our entire community with resources like the life changing/saving NOCD, etc. And THAT’S, what needs to be highlighted and focused in on 💛 Not the overall amount of time that OCD either attempts and/or does steal from us 💔 Why? Because we’re stronger than that! We deserve better than that! And we will continue to fight ourselves and our lives because we all owe it to, ourselves 💗 Sending love, compassion and support to all those suffering from the monster and battling the beast that is OCD 💌

I can't get an answer

Ugh...my boyfriend of 2 years just told me that things need to change because neither of us are happy with the way things have been going this is what he said to me "I don’t know just affection I guess. I want to hug and kiss my girlfriend and I want HER to want to hug and kiss me. And yeah sex is awesome. I get it’s not a requirement and it’ll never be for me, I get that’s been a big struggle for you in the past year but like it was a really big part of our relationship starting out and I do feel like it brings us closer personally. But maybe that’s just me. And a compliment or two every now and then would be kinda nice. It’s not that you never do that’s not true at all but I feel like it’s been continually less and less. And I try to at least give you a couple every day. This is by no means a bashing of you Ky I know you’re going through a lot I really do trust me. I’m very proud of the effort you’ve put in. I just want to work on getting back to the point where I get what I give and vice versa that’s all. And remember sometimes you might only be able to give 90 percent and that’s okay, that’s life. There will be times where I can only give 90 too" - I am so scared nobody will ever want me or wanna be in a relationship with me. I am so scared he is breaking up with me

17f It's day 18 of taking 50 mg of Zoloft And while it doesn't do shit for my OCD, it's still terrible, tbh even worse than it was before meds I almost constantly feel that weird forced happiness-anxiety. I can't sit still, I constantly have new thoughts, good and bad, I constantly feel some weird energy I need to put somewhere but I can't. Like im myself am on the calmer and quieter side. Also I hate physical touch. But on meds. I'm suddenly so energized and extroverted, I'm constantly talking and also I became extremely physically affectionate which is so fucking weird. It's just like im not me anymore, real version of me was replaced by this weirdly happy fake one which is not even that happy, but OCD is still there and is still terrible.

Anyone else raised by a parent who has undiagnosed OCPD? I just discovered what the diagnosis is, and I am certain I had a caregiver as a child with it. It greatly shaped my OCD and why I have OCD in the first place. I’d love to hear your story and relationship to that person as a child and adult.

I feel like I did something bad now because I went to put the blanket on my brother and my hand was close to his back I had a thought before like “it’s time to touch him” and I stood up and he was on a call but he was sleeping so now I’m like why did I stood up? Was it to take the iPad or what exactly? I feel like a child molester I don’t remember touching his area or butt because I didn’t but I had my hand near his back I asked my brother if I did anything he said no I asked if I did anything when I put the blanket over him he said he was sleeping so that doesn’t reassure me So I almost acted on it?

This is really hard for me to post and put out here, I'm not diagnosed with OCD, I just recently started talk therapy. But when I was a child my mom speculated because I had OCD. Because I would have compulsions from intrusive thoughts that always stemmed around SA. Everything for me gets stuck in a record player and a spiral and I can't stop. This is a really concerning and disturbing one, so I thought I would warn again if the topic seems too much for many people. I just recently learned about false memeory OCD and its the only explanation I can come up with right now. I've never shared an intrusive thought out loud but this one is too much. I have been in a really intense spiral lately, where I keep having these extremely vivid memeories of me sexually assaulting people not in my body like I'm sleep walking. It's extremely disturbing and I've convinced myself I have this sort of alter identity or a sleep disorder that is violent. Ive looked up a bunch of disorders like that. I asked a few people if I sleep walk but they don't remember me ever doing something like that, but what if they somehow surpressed a memeory too? I want to bring this up to my therapist, but I have been afraid to because it is so much and a spiral that has lasted for the course of months now and I have ruined my mental health and relationships because of it. I am extremely paranoid that everyone is lying to me or plotting to hurt me. But not because I think they are bad, but because I believe I deserve it. It got to the point where I now have memories of people trying to tell me I am creepy and that I had done things to SA them, along with memories of people talking while I'm not in the room about it. And I genuinely can't tell if it's real or not because I swear they are actual events that I just never put too much thought into in the past or completely dissociated from. (My main response to anything too much or difficult is to dissociate.) It's actually concerning me and the people around me because if it's true then I don't think I should be around society. I don't eat right, I'm too afraid to sleep without my door locked, I am unemployed with no sense of direction out of highschool because of it. It all stemmed from a surpressed memeory , witch who knows is real now, where my ex calls me and tells me I assaulted him, and that he was going to get me back, and that he had spread explicit photos of me. Now I genuinely feel like there is evidence to back up this because he brings up all my coworkers I had at the time, and I have memories of them making strange comments to me. If I somehow assaulted this guy without having an ounce of social awareness of what I was doing was assault then I feel like I absolutely deserve every ounce of mental spiral that is consuming me and worse. And I don't know how to stop this. And I'm afraid if I tell my therapist she might put me in a hospital and my family just doesn't have the money for that, and neither do I as an individual. The guilt would consume me. But I'm pretty sure I have no choice at this point. Because anouther "memory" resurfaced where I took a nightmare I had a long time ago and somehow turned it into me being Sexually assaulted by my father this time, and now I can't look at him or my family without absolute disgust. And I have "memories" of my family trying to talk to me about it but I completely forgot the event and processed it like a dream. I can't tell if something really creepy is actually happening or not but I'm starting to think it is because the way my brother acts around my family is weird but it could be my paranoia and the fact I have been freaking out everyone around me with my mental health. Either way I need to tell a professional because if I DID hurt my ex seriously, I need to take every ounce of accountability. But I don't wanna confess to a memory I don't even fully understand myself. I thought about contacting him several times and asking him if I have ever caused pain, but he blocked me and I feel like that crosses boundaries he has clearly set. Also I don't want to put this mental crisis on any other people, because my family is already freaked out enough. After writing this all out I'm starting to believe I really should force myself to tell my therapist no matter the consequences, I just feel like I need to admit this to a someone to get over my fear of saying it all out loud. Because everyday and every night I keep being plagued by these unwanted flashes of either me being hurt or me hurting other people In really disturbing and terrible ways. and it feels completely real with like context I've made to back it up. Am I unconsciously creepy? I'm just afraid I've become my worse fear and I was it without knowing my whole life.

There are moments when something takes over me, like I have to fight myself (literally restrain myself) from acting on my thoughts, like causing harm to my parents or brother. I get these feelings that feel so real, like they are genuinely my own. There are moments when I feel like I like them, and it makes me question whether this is truly OCD or if it's me. Then I wonder whether this is me lying to myself, because I feel the urge to smile at the thought, or feel like I have some pleasure. I check whether I like them, and then I feel like I do, so I stop immediately. I feel like my old self is gone, and I've become this person, and that it was never OCD. Right now, as I type this, I feel like I'm lying to myself. There are moments when I feel like my brain splits, as if this is my new personality. Or there are moments when I feel like it might feel liberating or freeing if I do it. I genuinely feel like this is not OCD. There are moments when I stop the thought, and I feel like it's out of principle, as if I don't truly want to stop at that thought. I truly can't picture this to be my life now. I never had these thoughts in my life until two and a half months ago. It truly makes me question whether it was OCD. I don't get why. I used to view my family as my world, and now my mind is making me scared and feel like my room is my only safe place from them, from me.

Recently I’ve been getting these very intense episodes of feeling extremely annoyed, irritable and touchy. I start to think narcissistic thoughts like feeling extremely entitled, envious of others and just overall snotty and rude but also horrible about myself. I take everything personal in these moments even though I know it’s stupid to do so. with harm ocd it also makes it 10x worse because they urges are worsened by the anger and intense emotions and sometimes I feel like just crying or this deep pit in my stomach of fear and dispare about the future like where am I heading and who am I becoming? I’ve excessively been on Gemini asking about covert narcissism, because my family disagrees with the idea of me being a narcissist along with my therapist but I just can’t let it go because I actually genuinely believe it. When I want to make things right it feels so self centered and I don’t know the right way to genuinely care about others. Maybe I already do?? I can’t tell if this is all just anger, intense fear and overwhelm, from med changes (went from lexapro to buspar) or processing grief (grandpa died in February) but sometimes I feel even worse because in my head I believe the grief only effects me and I need total attention and care 24/7. and start wondering if this is a subconscious way of thinking for me that I just assume is ocd and anxiety. I feel so tense and when I get in these moments I feel like I’m about to combust, I dissociate, feel like sobbing, isolating, or yelling but can’t tell if it’s all caused from an “ego blow” or something that someone did that made me feel bad about myself and that’s why I feel such high self pity. idk anymore but this feeling is terrifying especially the more I believe I’m a narcissist everything is evidence. I even start wondering what if this is rage, or hatred or resentment? like deep down dark feelings?

I live everyday constantly having questions such as “what if you want to sleep with your dog”, “what if you want to sleep with _____’s child” and “what if you want to sleep with your sister”? Im so sick of these intrusive thoughts, POCD is my main, and most troubling, subtype and I’m just so sick of it; i dont know what to do, I constantly feel like a pedophile and I’m exhausted. My problem lies in the fact that Im starting OCD recovery but a lot of my compulsions regarding these thoughts are avoidant or purely mental, and considering the theme these feel too massive to combat. What’s some advice for beginning to battle these intrusive thoughts?

My OCD is telling me: Is there anything in this world that has no value or power? Then how can you say ocd thoughts have no power or value?.

How are your experiences during an ocd spike while going through a menstruation? It doesn't matter if you are afab, your experience is valid too! I noticed my thoughts get worsened and the spike intensified, but now that I'm taking sertraline I don't feel an panic attack as before but the throughs and feelings are definitely there so is an unpleasant situation

Is it a scam?? I got an email saying my private data has been leaked and etc. It was from something I did not reconizged i’m like freaking the fuck out rn and they said they got into “my” search history and found “stuff” but I never did stuff. Is this a scam i sure hope so. But like they were also saying "oh you think I am joking" and also showed me were I had to pay or something??

i really think im loosing memory!!! my kitty died in may, WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. and i finally stopped replaying the last moments with him 24/7 again in my head, but now it feels like im forgetting him. i remember his smell and his feel and how he liked to sleep and his habbits like how he drank out of bowls funny snd how he liked to lay on his back in the middle of the floor but it feels like its fading away. i miss him a lot. i guess its been hard to stay grounded because he was always by my side, he loved me SO MUCH. and i loved snd love him so much too. i wish i could be with him and i wish i believed in a heaven. i dont want to believe in that because i dont want to think that he’s somewhere without me. my memories feel distant snd like they were years ago bur they weren’t. every day feels like yesterday was a month ago. i feel sad with no routine anymore but i cant get another cat because im really scared id forget him more. his name was beanie and he was almost 5. he was weird and silly and it really hurts hes gone, and he went suddenly with no signs of sickness, to make it worse i thought there was something wring but vets kept clearing him. i hope hes ok wherever he is. this is him. id do anything to remember better. he was so handsome ill never see a cuter cat. i hope everyone knows how dear their cat is snd if you have one please give them the biggest smooch for me. my beanie loves smooches

Anyone else here with complex trauma and ocd? How did u find they correlate with each other? Possibly the trauma causing ocd? Have you found any mind blowingly obvious connections? Healing your trauma helps with ocd symptoms? I recently found out I have cptsd and have been abused by my family growing up physically and verbally. Btw still living with them and my ocd gets significantly worse or better sometimes.I have so many questions.❤️‍🩹