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working to conquer OCD
Anyone else bite the skin on the inside of the cheeks or lips until they bleed? I do it all the time because of my anxiety and I recently learned about the triangle of āDā on your face and it freaks me out thinking Iām doing something.
seriously someone pls give me advice š I think last week I posted about how I have a crush on my friend and how my brain was making me question everything (mostly my sexuality). Well now I know he has a crush on me too and Iām already worrying about not liking him anymore, even though I was thinking about him all day before he confessed to me. I went to look at pictures to make sure I still think heās attractive and I didnāt feel the same. Now Iām worrying about if Iāll no longer feel attracted to him when we hangout in person. Why canāt I at least have a simple crush? Why must I question everything??? WHY CANT MY BRAIN JUST FUNCTION NORMALLY THIS IS DRIVING ME INSANE!!?? If you have any tips on how to deal with this please let me know š.
So I havenāt been on this app in a while. But I just want advice on how to overcome this. Iām now 18 and Iāve been trying out dating apps. Iām not gonna lie Iām kinda picky when it comes to dating only because I plan on dating to marryā¦so I take it a bit more seriously. But for some reason itās so hard to click with people on these dating apps. So my friend was helping me through this dating apps process. I told her that I wasnāt interested in this guy I was texting anymore because of the way he was responding to my messages. And she says maybe youāre gayā¦this is honestly the sixth time (Iām definitely over exaggeration but this isnāt the first time someone had said this to me) someone has ask/said this. Every time someone says this it literally sends me down this spiral of are they seeing something Iām not seeing. Despite never having a crush on a girl my mind goes down this loop of overthinking. And when I say I donāt want that lifestyle or I donāt really find pleasure in being apart of the lgbtq community my mind is like in denial. I just wanted to have a fun teenage dating experience and now every time I open the app I always think what if I really am gay and Iām just in denialā¦or what if the reason why Iām not connecting with anyone is because Iām really into girls. Since iām also religious, my mom wants to go what youāre denying who we are because of your religion. And I tried to reassure myself by saying I would know if that was the case like I would feel deep down who Iām truly attracted to and know that Iām trying to cover it up by dating men. This whole thing is so mentally taxing because I was going through this all throughout my senior year of high school and Iām not going into my freshman year of college so. Like I literally felt so much anxiety next to one of my classmates who was gay and a masculine presenting. I feel like if I wouldāve told this to anyone, theyād say of course youāre in denial. But ig reply if you can relate
hiiii everyone Iām new to this app :) Iām not sure if anything in here is a trigger for others so I just put a trigger warning js in case š Sooo Iām actually not medically diagnosed with ocd, but Iāve had a very very strong feeling that I do for a few years but I havenāt told anyone abt it, bc i feel like it will sound like Iām trying to fake a mental illness for attention or something. Also, I know itās bad to self diagnose, but my symptoms just sound a lot like ocddddd ans I want to go into therapy and get diagnosed or something bc Iām pretty sure I have ocd and even if I dont, I know what im experiencing is not really normal š Some of my symptoms: Having like very sexually or violent disturbing images or thoughts pop up in my head that wonāt go away and I have to like (this is so hard to explain) block it out in my mind over and over Having to repeat things and count things over and over for example I ALWAYS like I mean ALWAYSSSS. have to repeat āthank you God for today please keep us all safe and healthyā in my head especially when Iām anxious. And I donāt have to repeat it just in my mind either I have to like mouth it outttt. Itās so annoyingggg š„² My āmagicā numbers are 3 and 10 bc I have 3 sisters and 10 is just the perfect number like itās so equal. So basically I have to do things three times and if I count over three by accident or even think of it I have to count up until 10 and if the same thing happens I have to keep going until I reach 30 NOT 20 bc that means that bc thereās a 2 in the number one of my sisters will die š„² And if I donāt do any of these stuff that my brain tells me to do, you know that feeling when you have a huge itch and itās itching super bad but you canāt scratch it?? It feels exactly like thatttt and I think that if I donāt do it smth bad will happen even though I know it wonāt but like just in case I guess?? šš When I decide to try to go against these stuff it makes me super super anxious and sometimes, I have random like āattacksā where just nothing is perfect or just right but I canāt fix any of it no matter how many times I count, repeat, or cross it out in my mind, I get so much anxiety and itās the WORSTTT. Iām not asking for a random person to diagnose me instead of a professional, but I just need advice. Thank you guys š (edited)
I don't even know why this suddenly started upsetting me when I've been doing it for months, but it's triggering my OCD so badly now. I feel like crying. I do creative writing and it's my haven, my safe place, my favorite thing to do. I write fanfictions and write about things that are important to me and it's helped so much. For a few months, I've been using DeepSeek AI to help give me feedback. I show my work every 1000 words in and then it gives me bullet points that I'll show a screenshot for. After it gives it critiques, I go back and manually fix everything; edit sentences, add more pacing, remove stuff when I feel like it was going on too long, etc. It helped a lot with seeing mistakes I didn't notice before, but my writing wouldn't change that much with or without it since I just use it for help proofreading when I'm done with a large chunk and just need to edit. For whatever reason, I feel this horrendous guilt for using this tool-- like I'm cheating or not a real writer. It feels terrible because I write everything myself and it gives feedback like a friend or teacher, but I feel so terrible. I think it's because a lot of people on Tik Tok or social media would judge me, even though my online friends love my writing and think that I'm overthinking this a lot. I can't write without feeling guilty or like I need to confess the whole process so people know that I write everything myself and I'm not using it to write anything for me. I'm scared people will assume I'm lying. I never worried about this before I started seeing so much stuff on social media. I just want my favorite hobby back :( (note: the story was about a boyfriend comforting his trans boyfriend through his period)
I still do not have an OFFICIAL diagnosis (I dont have the means to do so) but given my symptoms, past and present in my life hugely suggest OCD is what I am dealing with. I cannot be 100 percent certain but after searching for answers and researching for a long time now, I am fairly certain and confident this is what I am struggling with. Given this step forward, I am making more effort into giving up compulsions. at the current moment I believe to be dealing with ROCD, as I have been having several intrusive thoughts that conflict with my relationship. For starters, recently over the past month or 2, I have been struggling with intrusive thoughts like not being over my ex, being attracted to someone else, losing feelings for my partner and not being in love, etc. I can consciously identify that I dont believe these thoughts to be true but it causes me so much distress and anxiety. It gets extremely unbearable some days, and I have leaned into 2 main compulsions. I have relied on thought checking and googling as my source of relief. At first the googling was genuinely to start finding answers; hence why I have made some of the discoveries I have about OCD including this site. But it developed into every time I was anxious, I would whip my phone out and start googling strictly to find an answer that would reassure me or calm me down. As for thought checking, it acted as a way to reaffirm my love for my girlfriend in my head when I have had the thoughts that collide with my relationship and how I feel about my girlfriend. It worked at first but developed into a compulsion where every time a bad thought got me worked up id either do my normal googling or Id think about that in my head to calm myself down. Over time these compulsions have gotten less and less affective and now when I do them it only gets me more anxious and desperate for reassurance (strengthening the cycle or whatever it is lol). I did some more research and finally have accepted the very real fact that I am going to have to sit in heavy anxiety and not give into compulsions for a while in order to treat this. I have to sit in the thoughts that make me feel all this hightened anxiety and distress without giving into compulsion. to be honest I am scared, the thoughts are more rampant than ever, but I am ready to commit to this. I dont think I am gonna be able to go cold turkey on my compulsions so I am ready for the reality I might relapse on the compulsions sometimes, But am gonna keep going until I can break these shackles OCD has on my life right now. I wanna ask, what is everyones methods they use to avoid giving into compulsion when the thoughts get loud? any advice is welcome :)
It use to be so much worse but I notice I over share so bad, some examples are like whenever Iām in the store and I buy some random things and Iām checking out I always try to sneak in a reason for the stuff Iām buying so the cashier doesnāt think Iām weird even tho itās probably regular stuff. Or if I think I said something wrong to someone I try to find a way to add in something to say to ensure they heard me correct. Most times this has worked other times itās just me overthinking it. Itās so silly but annoying sometimes. I always over share things in case someone thinks Iām weird or something. Sometimes I even do it on here, if I think my post is confusing or someone could take it out of context, Iāll say something in the comments in case someone thinks Iām strange. Itās hard to kinda just let people think whatever, but my ocd seems to obsess a lot over what others are thinking. It sucks. I always have to know what theyāre thinking and if I canāt Iāll try to get them to not think that way but I canāt help what anyoneās thinking about me.
this is how my google search history is looking like. do i know its bad? yes, can i stop it? no . i cant, it feels to real i dont have that āi know i love himā feeling that i used to have its like the thoughts and fears became true, i dont feel love im never happy i dont have moments of clarity, i have changed drastically, im not as living as i used to i never say i love you. I have too many thoughts. maybe this is not rocd. i always make my bf upset, i feel like i dont care, im scared that maybe im just scared if change and this is denial. i camt imagine a future together, i cant be happy. i used to be happy, i am thinking i never loved him, i cant remember how it felt to feel love for him. i dont understand what āchose loveā means, when i dont k ow if i want to chose love. am i forcing myslef to feel? i cant stop please help me
I have OCD and C-PTSD and so sometimes having a different opinion makes me feel like I'm automatically wrong or like I'm a bad person for thinking differently. I feel like this is esepecially true with social media and Tik Tok when you see other people's opinions from a lot of different perspectives and people get labeled at a bad person by strangers who don't know them. I don't want to feel like a bad person for having a different opinion than friends and/or the internet. I mostly think the same as them in a lot of different ways, but one or two things I think differently (examples of my thoughts I see are different sometimes: I think people can change but that doesn't excuse their actions and they should get therapy; I don't think all AI is bad, it just needs better regulation and shouldn't be used to replace people, I think it can be a helpful tool; I think just because someone uploads something that's considered "weird" on a public site (like cosplay, or a fashion choice, or etc) doesn't make it okay to make a video about them and making fun of them or be mean (like the teen/child who did the "bad" red lobster cover)) How do I learn to be okay with having different opinions than other people?
iām a little worried everytime i think like sexual about my girlfriend my thoughts feel replaced by kids and it makes me think that im the thinking on purpose am i?
I want to know if this an ocd thing because I haven't read about it when I started searching of the disorder to make sure I had it (that before my diagnosis) Does your thoughts get worsened when you are falling sleep or are half awake half sleep? I noticed mines would get intensified when I'm trying very hard to stay awake or when I'm close to falling asleep
Iāve recently had my meds upped after a really bad spiral / episode and iām doing a bit better. My mum wanted me to go to the GP, a doctor she really trusts to affirm the dosage is ok, whatās really going on etc. I went to the GP and it was an experience that honestly didnāt sit right with me. I just wanted some community to know if iām over analysing. I feel like I cannot tell my mum because she trusts this doctor so much. My mum came with me and kind of brought up how I was thinking it could be OCD but the doctor immediately wrote me off and was like itās definitely not itās just anxiety and depression and then he brought up how OCD is more like I wouldnāt be able to go through the door without tapping and checking and how he knew a friend with OCD in school and he couldnāt even leave his locker for 30 minutes because he had to keep checking. I 100% know this is OCD and this is what it looks like for some people and how debilitating it is but from what Iāve learnt and researched itās not JUST that and I donāt really like the way he turned me down without asking what symptoms I have. I also feel like he didnāt have a good grasp on what it really is at its core because yes I donāt physically check but I donāt think itās crazy that I thought (think?) I might have it (i have obsessive intrusive thoughts, ruminate, mental compulsions and body check). Then he kind of went on to psycho analyse me and ended up asking about personal stuff and kind of blamed all my intrusive thoughts on my relationship with my dad who is estranged, which was awkward and a little insulting. Iām not saying that has no impact on my mental health but it just felt uncomfortable and weird to me. Anyways even if I donāt have OCD, Iām not sure I do, Iām no doctor but I relate to many of you and I know that OCD is not visible in that way for many so itās sad to think many others will be ignored or brushed off. Does anyone else have any stories of GPās treating OCD this way ? :((
Currently feeling extremely shameful for something I did in the past. Any advice? I've had periods of coming to terms with it and understanding that it was just a mistake, as no one got hurt, but now it's resurfacing again.
Okay... so im taking the NREMT-B exam next week in about 5 days... Im genuinely nervous... I want to succeed so badly but because my POCD says my worst fears have already, or will, come true, that I dont deserve this and it makes me feel guilty... I'm a horrible person... ive unintentionally hurt people... ive done genuinely horrible POCD-related things as a 13-14 year old that make me feel genuine guilt as an adult... and it should... why do i deserve to help people, when all Ive ever done is hurt people....? (Also, for context, my biggest fear is doing anything inappropriate with minors in any way... and whether or not it has already happened... thats my biggest fear...)
Iām not sure what to do. I have a trip to Disney in less than a week, but my anxiety is debilitating right now. Ive barely been able to sleep or eat in 5 days, and itās not getting any better. I donāt want to not go on this trip because thatāll just prove to the anxiety that I canāt do it, but I truly canāt go while Iām feeling like this. I wonāt be able to do anything. Iāve felt like this before, but Iāve never had an obligation like this during a bad spiral. I really donāt know what to do. Iām so tired of feeling like this. Iām heavily medicated, I do breathe work, I do mindfulness exercises and nothing eases the anxiety. Every time that I think Iām fine I think about Disney and freak out again. If anyone has any advice or even just encouragement Iād really appreciate it. Thank you
idk if my original post ever posted or if anyone ever saw it but I need some help. yesterday, I was on roblox again and joined a game. in the server I joined, I donated to it so it could be āsponsoredā to gain more players. this was a new friendās server. now I feel bad for purchasing robux again. the first time being for my avatar which was a few days ago and now with spending $10 more on some one-time thing. reason being bc of the whole condo game thing going on with roblox & them just generally not taking appropriate action against these inappropriate games. that plus still having a condo game creator on the platform. anyway, I keep thinking bc I purchased robux, it means Iām ok with whatās happening (which Iām not). itās exhausting and Iām scared that means I enable creeps. idk, I have usually purchased robux for gamepasses, donating to artists/people and dressing up my character. I would like to get a break from the thoughts but itās like I need to know
Does anyone else with OCD find it incredibly hard to live with roomates? Like I would give ANYTHING to have my own space. Unfortunately Iām an unemployed university student so have no choice. Itās really difficult to keep my compulsions and anxiety a āsecretā in front of them but I donāt want them to think Iām crazy since weāre just not that close yet. Also being in the same environment with someone else 24/7 has my nervous system CONSTANTLY on edge. But that can be due to my CPTSD as well. Iām terrified of them thinking Iām weird and analyzing everything I do, even how much time I spend in my room and not socializing. But I would still love love to have the dream roommate girlfriendships. If you relate or have any tips, Iād love to hear it!!š«¶š»
Ill edit the post in... What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didnāt know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at allā¦ I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i donāt ever want to ever be a rpist at allā¦ I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...Ā I didnāt realize how horrible the real events actually wereā¦ I was 14 at the timeā¦ now Iām 23ā¦ my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real eventsā¦ while my mom reassures me all the time that itās all over, that itās not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that Iām not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someoneās similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they neededĀ to turn themselves inā¦ I donāt ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or formā¦ i didnāt know how horrible the real events were when I was 14ā¦ I really didnātā¦ and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kidsā¦ I was 14 and didnāt realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever againā¦ I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real eventā¦ I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the futureā¦ I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14ā¦.. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kidsā¦Ā I was 14 and didnāt realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever againā¦ I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real eventā¦ And itās comparing me to actual Pās and chomoās who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think Iām a P and a Chomo because of itā¦ I donāt ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any wayā¦Ā ššš I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... im so triggered...
I donāt know if I love him. I donāt think I do. I want to. I want to so fucking bad. I loved him. Before this I loved him so deeply we were such a good match but lately. Maybe just the past month were either fighting or not talking. Ik all couples go through rough patches. But this feels more. I wanan work through this. Ik all the problems are my fault. The jealousy, the resentment, the anger. Itās all on me. Iām the problem. But idk how to fix it. Idk how to stop being mad when he talks abt spending time with his friends. Idk how to stop being sad when he leaves to hang out with them. Idk how to not cry myself to sleep when he wants alone time. I wanna be with him. I want this relationship. But the good is so few and far between. The laughter and smiles is so fleeting. So much of my time is spent wondering if he hates me or if I hate him. I donāt wanna hate him. I wanna build a life with him. I see a future with him. But idk if Iāll ever truly be happy with him cuz of my jealousy and the fear I donāt love him. I try. I try so hard. Ik love is a choice not just a feeling but itās so hard to make that choice when my brain tells me he wouldnāt make that choice. When I feel like he hates me and Iām boring him. When Iām insecure I feel so mad and angry that I canāt love him. I canāt feel any good feelings Iām just mad. And I hate it. I want us to be happy but I just know he likes being around them more. I just know Iām a chore to him. And I hate it. I love him. I love his beautiful face and his laugh. I love when weāre happy and good. And ik relationships require sticking it out through the bad. But I feel so guilty and so mad at the same time. I think abt are future and this pit is in my stomach and idk if itās cuz im rlly anxious rn cuz i feel like he doesnāt love me or cuz i really donāt wanna be with him. I wanna be with him. I want him so fucking much. And I care abt him. But the constant questioning of my feelings and his feelings is driving me crazy. Idk whatās real and whatās fake. This relationship feels doomed and if it is idk if Iām gunna be able to handle the breakup. I love him. I care abt him. I want us to be together forever. I wanna grow old with him. But idk how to stop the bad feelings. How to stop the anxiety and anger. I just wanna love him and he love me. I pray for it every night and I try to be a good person but Iām so jealous and scared I keep ruing it. Idk what I want from this. Reassurance ig. Like can our relationship survive whatās happening? Is there a way to get better? To stop being jealous of him doing things without me. I donāt wanna become a bitter hateful gf. I just want us to be together and happy. Ik love is a choice not just a feeling. Ik you have to choose your partner every day even when you donāt want to and it sucks. But Iām so tired of feeling this. I canāt live like this for the rest of my life. I wanna be happy in this relationship. Ik deep down heās the one for me. Ik Iām where Iām supposed to be when Iām with him. But idk if I truelly love him or if Iām just scared of losing all that weāve built. Idk. Has anyone been where Iām at and if so how did you get through it? How do you get through the constant worrying abt both yours and your partners feelings?
I've become an OCD conqueror and Im pretty proud of myself. Not sure if anyone will read this. I've been battling OCD this year with the tools I've learned from NOCD and it's been challenging, but incredibly life changing and empowering. I still suffer from symptoms, I still do compulsions, I still avoid triggers and seek reassurance. I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm learning and I'm improving. Progress isn't linear my friends, but it DOES get better. I feel so grateful that I got the help I needed. I was in a very dark place before starting therapy with NOCD, and I can't say I loved the process in the beginning. I didn't want to do ERP, I didn't want to discuss my symptoms or thoughts or talk to a therapist. Sometimes I did it half assed and begrudgingly, but I knew I had to stick with it to see improvement and I did. Recovery isn't pretty, it can be hard especially when no one sees you battling OCD and wrestling with the unbearable guilt, anxiety and rumination. ROCD had a grip on me. I've gone on trips with my girlfriend where I was convinced it was the last one, because nothing quite "felt right" and I wasn't sure if I was lying to her when I said "I love you." We'd be sitting down on the couch and I'd feel like I was being tortured, constantly doubting whether or not I'm in the right relationship or whether or not I truly love her, compulsively rubbing her arm or kissing her lips to see if I "feel in love." She never knew how much I was suffering. I would stay up late crying, wishing I wasn't a "shallow monster" who secretly didn't love his girlfriend, wishing I could stay committed and focused. Through this journey of recovering from OCD, using the methods I've been taught and being consistent with my exposures, I've managed to greatly reduce my symptoms. Even if I am suffering, I now know I can handle discomfort and that I'm stronger than I think. I can tolerate the intolerable, I can bear with uncomfortable thoughts, sensations and feelings. I can keep my cool. It isn't easy, but it is worth it. You CAN overcome OCD. You CAN make progress. Whoever is reading this, I'm incredibly proud of you for taking the steps to recover. These are skills that will help you for the rest of your life. You CAN do it. I believe in you.
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
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