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Looking for some support. Currently in a flare up of health OCD, with a new theme related to my current health circumstances (the thing I’m worried about happening is not impossible, improbable yes, but with a non-zero chance), and I CANNOT stop googling or stay off of Reddit. The compulsion is sooo strong, and I try to resist but have given into the urge a lot this week, and my screen time is way up. So, does anyone have any tips that help them with a googling compulsion that they can share? Seriously struggling with this!

This is not ocd but i tried posting on reddit and no one replied so I am trying here. I am sorry for miss using the app but I really need some insight Im not really sure what i want out of posting this i think I js want some other peoples opinions or something. Please read the FULL story if ur gonna reply im not saying it gets better I just dont want answers if u dont know it all yk. All of the quoted stuff is PARAPHRASING as it was over 5 years ago and I dont recall what was definitely said. When I was 12 (I belive it was 12 but I couldbe been 11 or 13 but I think most probably 12) i was dating a girl and we had a agreed over text we would kiss when she came to my house (no clue why we said over text we would ig its just one of those weird things we used to do lmao). Anyways I asked when she was at my house if she wanted to and she said "im scared" and I said "but u wanted to" and she said "ik but its scary" and i dont remeber if I suggested this at all but i think i did, before or after she said yes at some point I said "we shud kiss eachothers hands and cheeks first so we're less scared" and i think she thought i was funny and odd bur said "ok". I also THINK i said something like "ehat if we just try and almost do it and see how u feel" at some point probably beforr the kissing on hands and cheeks thing i said. and then we did all that and she screamed happily like aahahha when we did it and I thought we were happy and she kept kissing me like on her own accord and smiling at me and then her mum came to pick her up and i said like ''kiss gudbye'' and she seemed a bit like ffs but i THINK she did I cant rmeber. But then that same night she broke up with me and I js keep thinking like did she break up with me bc I made her feel forced into doing that. Im very very aware that no matter what, what I did was wrong and I take 100% acountibbiliyy for not immediately shutting down the idea wjen she said she was nervous. Not an exuse at all but i seriously didnt know what i was doing was wrong and if I had known truly what consent and all that stuff ment I would've never done tbat I dont belive. I think i was under some stupid impression that it needed to happen so I had to find a way that wouldnt make her scared but obviously now I know how crazy that is. I dont deny for a second that what I did was wrong and it replays on my mind everyday. I feel so much regret and i worry everyday if it effects her. I hope (and part of me thinks) it doesn't since we were best friends for 2-3 years after this happened but its jus still like what if. Ig I wanna know if im a bad person for doing that but idek if im ready to hear the answer. I cannot belive how genuinely stupid I was and when I think abt it I cant understand how i couldn't have known to shut down any idea of kissing but I guess I really was that stuoid

I’m struggling with jealousy in my relationship and I honestly don’t know how to deal with it anymore. I have always been quite jealous, but lately it has become especially difficult for me because I feel like I notice situations where he looks at other women, while he consistently says that he doesn’t. I know that I pay very close attention to where his eyes are going, and I’m aware that my jealousy can influence how I interpret things. I’m not claiming that every situation I perceive is objectively exactly the way I see it. But there have been several situations where I felt like I clearly saw him looking at a woman, and when I later brought it up, he completely denied that he had looked at her. For example, there was a situation while I was driving and he was sitting in the passenger seat. At one point, he looked towards the side/street several times – I counted around five times. I couldn’t clearly see what exactly he was looking at, and I wasn’t 100% sure there was a woman there. Later, when I asked him about it, he said he had been looking at the boys. I was actually referring to a different moment, but by then he was already annoyed by the whole topic and didn’t want to reconstruct what he had been looking at. In another situation, I was driving again and there was a woman walking along the sidewalk. I saw him turn his head quite noticeably towards her, almost like a shoulder check. Later, when I asked him about it, he said he hadn’t looked at a woman. When I asked what else he could have been looking at, he hesitated and basically said that he doesn’t know when or where he looks around in the world, but he definitely hadn’t looked at a woman. There was also a situation where another driver let us go first because the cars were very close together. My boyfriend smiled at the woman. At the time, he initially said that he had smiled out of politeness and that he had actually been annoyed by the situation. When we talked about it again two days later, however, he said he had never said that he smiled out of politeness. He claimed that he hadn’t even looked at the woman, but had only smirked and looked at the car door. He also said that I was reconstructing the situation in my head. And there was another situation where he said he hadn’t seen any woman and had only been looking into a street. From my perspective, there wasn’t even a street there that he could have been looking into. What makes this so difficult for me is that I genuinely don’t know what to trust anymore. I see something, it hurts me, and then he tells me that what I think I saw didn’t happen that way. At the same time, I know that I am extremely attentive to his eye movements because of my jealousy. So I’m not looking for people to tell me that I am definitely right and that he is definitely lying. None of you were there, and you can’t know what actually happened or what was going on in his head. I also don’t want this post to turn into people deciding whether my boyfriend is lying or telling the truth. That isn’t really what I’m looking for. The problem is that I have reached a point where I barely bring these situations up anymore. I already know what his answer will be: that he didn’t look at any woman. And whenever I bring it up, it tends to cause an argument or he gets annoyed because he feels like he constantly has to defend himself. So I’m left with the situation, the hurt, and the uncertainty by myself. I’m honestly desperate because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that. I don’t want to constantly monitor where he is looking. I don’t want to reconstruct every situation afterwards. I don’t want to interrogate him or keep asking for reassurance. But at the same time, I also don’t know how I’m supposed to simply ignore something when I feel like I clearly saw it and it genuinely hurts me. I’m already in therapy, and I’m working on my jealousy and insecurity. But I feel like I’m stuck between two things: on the one hand, I know that my jealousy is a problem for me and that I need to learn to tolerate uncertainty better. On the other hand, I feel hurt when I experience situations differently from my partner and then feel like there is no room to even talk about them without it becoming an argument. So I’m mainly looking for advice on how I can deal with this situation in a healthier way. How do I handle it when I notice something that hurts me but I know that talking about it will probably only lead to another argument? How do I learn to trust my own perception without automatically assuming that my interpretation must be correct? And how do I deal with the fact that I may never know exactly what he was looking at or what he was thinking? I would really appreciate advice from people who have dealt with intense jealousy or similar situations themselves. I’m not looking for a verdict on whether my boyfriend is lying. I’m looking for advice on what I can actually do from here, because I genuinely don’t know how to handle this anymore. My boyfriend actually feels the same way I do about this. He also doesn’t want me to look at other men, just to add that for context. And just to make one thing clear, because I don’t want this post to come across as if I don’t see my own part in all of this: I absolutely know that I have a problem with jealousy and insecurity. I know that I pay far too much attention to where my boyfriend is looking, and I know that this can make me interpret situations more strongly than I otherwise might. I’m not trying to put all of the blame on him or pretend that my own behavior doesn’t contribute to the situation. I’m already working on this in therapy and I genuinely want to change it. At the same time, I’m struggling with how to deal with the situations that still hurt me, especially when my perception of what happened is completely different from his. I’m not asking people to tell me that I’m right or that he’s wrong. I just want to learn how to handle my feelings, my uncertainty, and my own perception in a healthier way. don’t feel good..

That’s it

Hi Everyone, I have Real Event OCD and it has been eating me up the last couple of days. Today it has gotten to the point where I feel unable to do anything I like out of a sense that I am undeserving of recreation. I feel a bit like I need to either suffer, or exist in stasis. The inability to focus is debilitating. I have periods like this, and sometimes they pass. What I would like to know is how do we even go about fixing this problem. With other forms of OCD, exposure and response make sense, but I'm unsure how to expose myself to shameful memory. How do we even treat something that is purely mental like this?

A long sentimental post… October is OCD Awareness Month, and honestly, I never thought I would ever be writing something like this. Surveillance & Privacy OCD has been a part of my life for much longer than I understood. I was still really young when I first started experiencing symptoms, but I didn’t know what they were. I didn’t know what intrusive thoughts were. I didn’t know what compulsions were. I didn’t know that the constant fear, overthinking, checking, analyzing, avoidance, guilt and need for certainty could all be part of OCD. For a long time, I genuinely thought something else had to be terribly wrong with me. At one point, before I understood OCD at all, I even convinced myself that I had paranoid schizophrenia because I was so frightened by what was happening inside my own head. Looking back now, it hurts to think about how scared and confused that younger version of me was. The last couple of years have been some of the hardest years of my life. Around summer 2023, a lot changed for me emotionally. I went through experiences that left me feeling isolated, overwhelmed and deeply affected, and looking back, I think that period may have played a role in how my OCD developed and intensified. I can’t say that it was the definite cause, but I know that something changed in me during that time. Then OCD kept finding new ways to scare me. It made me question things that should have been completely ordinary. It made me afraid of being watched or monitored. It made me scared of losing things. It made me check, avoid, seek reassurance, analyze thoughts, replay situations and try desperately to reach a level of certainty that never seemed to be enough. And the cruelest part was that the themes could change. Just when I thought I had figured one fear out, OCD could attach itself to something completely different. It wasn’t really about the specific object, situation or thought. It was about the feeling of uncertainty and the desperate need to make it disappear. Eventually, I learned that recovery wasn’t about proving every fear wrong. It was about learning that I don’t have to answer every thought. I’ve been learning about ERP, response prevention, compulsions, reassurance seeking and CBT. I’ve been practicing sitting with uncertainty instead of immediately trying to fix it. I’ve had days where I felt incredibly strong and days where OCD screamed so loudly that getting out of bed felt impossible. I’ve also learned something incredibly important: progress doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes progress is wearing something OCD told me not to wear. Sometimes it’s leaving somewhere without checking again. Sometimes it’s allowing a thought to exist without researching it. Sometimes it’s going to school even when my brain is telling me something terrible might happen. Sometimes it’s downloading an app I’ve avoided for years and allowing myself to feel anxious without immediately escaping. And sometimes progress is simply having a day where I forget about OCD completely because I’m too busy laughing with a friend. Yesterday was one of those days for me. I spent hours with a friend at the park. We walked around, did TikTok dances, took photos and memory videos, got on swings, sat on a bench, went to the store, bought snacks and makeup remover, and just had fun. OCD didn’t get to take the day from me. And today, I’m going to the countryside with my parents, and I’m going to keep living my life even if OCD decides to scream again! That’s something I never thought I would be able to say a few years ago. I’m still recovering. I’m still learning. I still have difficult days. I still have intrusive thoughts. I still get scared. But I am not the same person who was terrified by her own mind and had no idea what was happening. Now I know what OCD is, for the past two years, I studied, I learned,I documented. And more importantly, I’m learning that I am allowed to live anyway. To everyone else on this app who is struggling: please don’t measure your recovery by whether you had intrusive thoughts today. A thought returning doesn’t erase your progress. A bad day doesn’t erase your progress. Anxiety doesn’t erase your progress. Recover isn’t linear, it has ups and downs! You are so much more than the thoughts your OCD throws at you. And to the younger version of me who was so scared and confused: I wish you had known sooner that you weren’t broken. You were struggling with something you didn’t understand yet. I’m incredibly grateful that I finally understand. One more thing I really want to share about my recovery is that, although I was professionally diagnosed with OCD, I haven’t had a therapist guiding me through my day-to-day recovery. I’ve been learning and practicing a lot on my own. I’ve spent so much time educating myself about OCD, understanding its different themes, recognizing my compulsions, learning about CBT and ERP, and trying to apply those principles to my everyday life. I’ve had to become my own little student of recovery. I’ve written reminders for myself, tracked my progress, identified patterns, practiced response prevention, faced situations I had avoided for a long time, and learned to sit with uncertainty instead of constantly trying to make it disappear. And no, it hasn’t been easy. I’ve made mistakes, had setbacks, experienced overwhelming anxiety and sometimes felt like I was starting all over again. But I’ve also experienced moments that remind me why I keep going. I’m not sharing this to brag, to suggest that professional treatment isn’t necessary, or to tell anyone that they should have to do everything alone. Professional guidance can be incredibly valuable, especially when OCD is severe or interfering with everyday life. I simply want people who currently cannot access therapy to know that they can still learn about their condition, take small steps, practice healthier responses and make meaningful progress. You don’t have to wait until everything is perfect to begin working toward recovery. And please remember that recovery isn’t a competition. Someone else’s progress doesn’t make yours less meaningful. Some people have therapists, some have support groups, some are still searching for the right help, and some are taking small steps with the resources currently available to them. Wherever you are in your journey, I hope you give yourself credit for trying. I’m still learning, still practicing and still recovering. I don’t have everything figured out, but I finally feel like I’m building a life that isn’t entirely controlled by OCD. If sharing my experience makes even one person feel a little less alone, then I’m glad I wrote this. We deserve lives bigger than our OCD. And we’re allowed to keep moving toward them. There is one part of this journey I almost forgot to talk about, and that is loneliness. OCD wasn’t the only thing I was fighting. For a long time, I felt incredibly alone while fighting it. There were so many thoughts and fears happening inside my head that I didn’t know how to explain to anyone. Sometimes I didn’t even understand them myself. I could be surrounded by people and still feel completely isolated because nobody could see what was happening in my mind. There were days when I didn’t want to talk to anyone because I was exhausted from pretending I was okay. There were moments when I wished someone could just understand without me having to explain every single thought, fear or compulsion. And loneliness can make OCD feel even louder. When you’re alone with your thoughts, it’s so easy to start analyzing them, searching for answers, checking, overthinking and getting trapped inside your own head. Sometimes you don’t even realize how much time has passed because you’re fighting a battle nobody else can see. That’s one reason finding people who understand OCD has meant so much to me. Talking to people on NOCD, reading other people’s experiences and realizing that someone else has had thoughts that felt just as strange, frightening or impossible to explain made me feel less like an alien in my own mind. And lately, something else has changed too. I’ve been making friends again. I’ve been going out after school, hanging out at parks, malls and cafés, laughing, taking photos, making memories, talking about random things, and actually feeling like a teenager instead of someone whose entire life revolves around managing anxiety & panic attacks. That doesn’t mean the loneliness magically disappeared or that OCD disappeared either. It means my world is getting bigger. And I think that’s one of the most beautiful parts of recovery. Recovery isn’t only about having fewer intrusive thoughts. It’s also about getting pieces of your life back. Friendships. School. Hobbies. Laughing until your stomach hurts. Going somewhere without spending the whole time analyzing your thoughts. Making plans for the weekend. Having people you can text. Being excited about something again. If you’re reading this and you’re incredibly lonely right now, I want you to know that loneliness is not proof that you’ll always be alone. You don’t have to suddenly become surrounded by dozens of people. One person is enough to start. One conversation. One little connection. One place where you feel understood. And if you’re struggling with OCD while feeling lonely, please remember that the thoughts aren’t a reflection of who you are. You are still a whole person outside of them. I’m still recovering. I’m still learning. I’m still having difficult days. But I’m also making memories now. And that’s something my younger self desperately needed to know was possible. Happy OCD Awareness Month. To everyone fighting this quietly: I see you. You’re not strange, you’re not weak, and you’re not alone in the way OCD makes you feel alone. Keep going. Your life can become bigger than the thoughts that once filled it.

Hello folks, I'm new here. I can briefly answer "why am I here?" I'm a 33yo, undiagnosed, neurodivergent female. I have experienced health-related and contamination OCD during my teenage and adult years. I have had a lingering belief that I am powerless over my thoughts and emotions. As a result, my concerns have led me to NOCD. I'm rather lucky to find the community posts. So thank you in advance for reading and for your considerations! I am experiencing an on-going health concern. I recently had an intrusive thought about my past sexual health. It was 2 months after spending quality time with my extended family that my intrusive thought appeared. My extended family are curious about me, understand me less than my friends because we don't see each other much. Yet they are all so lovely and admirable. Recently, I have been SO so unnerved by an intrusive thought about my sexual life. I felt overwhelmed with shame and disgust one evening. The feeling of disgust struck me emotionally and then psychologically at the foot my bed. My mind raced, searched for answers, and drew up an image of a close family member. In that moment this imagined ordeal no longer felt like a psychological thriller. I had somehow grew more concerned that "what if?" a Nurse in the family snooped into my electronic health records. Seriously?! I am so private with my social life and not a patron of most social apps. So naturally I was shocked to be struck with this feeling and sensitivity. "What if?" this unprovoked thought led me to my gut instincts. The fact is I had sex and tested positive before, which is not a new concern for me, but this thought brought me to tears. As if someone summoned a witchcraft spell. Seriously, this thought held me captive for hours and I needed to go to sleep, but my undiagnosed anxiety persisted. Intuitively I linked my past medical care and how I felt ashamed after the diagnoses with a close family member. Although, it upset me that my efforts wouldn't prevent my STD's. I believe my health concern is only my priority and my medical providers. However, I am genuinely terrified that my own family will know about my sex life. You may wonder, "why would a Nurse or your family terrify you about this?" Well, if you guessed because they're old-fashioned... you're correct it! They believe sex before marriage is taboo. I had the awkward with my Mom before and my eldest brother, another Nurse, years before my own debut. I have come a long way with my sexual health and no longer need to worry. However, I cannot shake off this anxiety and stigma. I don't want to have that conversation with those Nurses in my family. Instead, I decided to opt-out of sharing my medical records with CareEverywhere, limited the accounts of disclosure of my eHR. And ultimately sworn to practice social distancing with them until I forget what happened. This has been strange, but it doesn't seem far-fetched even if the entire ordeal felt imaginary. Have you felt the same? How do you feel about "airing your dirty laundry"? Does anyone truly overcome sexual shame?

I am currently managing my contamination ocd using erp all while under very peculiar and non ideal living conditions. I am wondering if there’s anyone out there who can relate hehe. Im currently living in a space that isn’t technically classified as any home space as i am in a room that is inside a business building. To be more specific, it’s an independent space where I don’t have to make contact with anyone or see anyone if I don’t want to in order to be living here but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t people on the other side of my walls lol. Im in this position as a result of my old living situation that happened in my home state when I was a child and this is the only place my parent can afford and save simultaneously. To shower, I have to use our sink and luckily there is a drain in the bathroom. Ive gotten used to it being apart of my routine so I’m not as cold as I used to be like when I was in middle school, standing soaking wet trying to finish my shower bevause you can’t have constant warm running water on you. The reason I even have ocd is stemmed from the stressful living conditions i was under due to a parent. My family of 5 total shared a 2 bedroom apartment and this parents brother (my uncle) decided to gift us a dog all while our restrictions to living in that space meant we could not own pets. This incompetent parent decided to keep it and I spent the rest of my years living in that space all while having a dog stressed because it felt like at any moment we could get in trouble. My other parent split from them and took my sibling and I to another state and now youre caught up lol. Anyway, just ranting because this lifestyle seems embarrassing but ive been itching to just tell someone because it’s also stressful. Stressful because now im in another position where “I could get in trouble at any time” and I just want a lifestyle for myself where I can relax my shoulders and feel safe, with a shower lol. It feels like ive been under stressful conditions since childhood and I just want to have normalcy. This seems a bit sad to admit but sometimes I look at homes or even forms of media where people are doing just about anything and I’ll picture myself in their space and how nice it would be to use their normal functioning shower and whatnot. I know my life is only getting better from here as my parent and I work hard to be in a better place so I’m trying not to wallow in sadness as it’s only a matter of time i can have that normalcy 🤍 Thats my little rant about my life hehe it feels nice to get it out since it feels like a detail im too embarrassed to admit to people who aren’t my parent or sibling. It’s funny, I have known my boyfriend since 2023, became official in 2025, and barely admitted this detail in my life to him this past summer to which he said he would have never guessed i was in this position and is very supportive. (I hid this very well I guess) :3 Anyway, thnx for reading 🤍🐇 Sweet dreams xx

Hello, im not sure why im writing here i think i just need to vent maybe.. but yesterday i remembered something i did maybe four or five years ago. It was really bad. Today I remembered all the things i did growing up that are also really bad and that have to do with taboo subtypes. I stopped when i was a sophomore i think because that’s when my ocd got really bad and i realized what i did was weird. I know i was exposed to weird things growing up but idk im anxious that it means something because i did those stuff more than once and i did them growing up so it means that’s who i am and that it’s not ocd or something im really worried and i just want it to go away. Sorry if i don’t make any sense im so anxious right now

Hi guys, im turning 18 in a few days and, growing up i was raped and sexually exposed to things and concepts to early so because i had premature uninhibited acess to the internet, I watched some really bad taboo porn, like all of the worst things you can think of and it really effects me, ik i would never do any of these things in real life but my ocd pulls from things that have happened in my life and the fact i masturbated to all that terrible taboo porn as proof, im a sensitive very gentle person whose been alone all his life and neglected and abused by his parents and never had friends. I want to know if any of you guys have any advice for me. I plan to move to nyc next year when i graduate!! (class of 2027) and get a job to pay for my move after my birthday, I currenly have a therapist whose provisionally working on me with the ocd but yeah! Please give me any advice or words you have!

My boyfriend is currently grounded, so he cannot text or call me. Because I’m waiting for him, I started getting thoughts like, “What if I get tired of waiting for him and leave him?” and “Do I even want to wait for him?” Sometimes these thoughts come with a heavy or serious feeling that makes them feel very real. I then question whether the thought reflects what I actually want. Even though in the past I’ll wait him for weeks when’s he grounded. I also noticed thoughts about my boyfriend not being curious enough about me or not putting enough effort into gifts ( idk if this is me being sad because the time of the month is coming ). I was feeling annoyed because I wanted him to notice things about me and sometimes get me something. My brain then produced thoughts like, “He sucks” or “He’s ugly,” and when I intentionally leaned into the thought, it felt like I actually wanted to say it. Then I questioned, “Is that how I really think about him?” Even though I also remembered things he has done for me, like getting me boba and McDonald’s breakfast, I found myself focusing on what he hasn’t done. I also had intrusive thoughts involving other people. I imagined playing Roblox with my sister’s friends, and my brain suddenly turned it into, “You want them instead of your boyfriend” and “You’ll break up with your boyfriend to be with them.” I questioned why I would think that?!??Another thing that happened was that I was looking for “soulmate” signs between me and my boyfriend. I noticed our birthdays are reversed (01/09 and 09/01), and we have a funny coincidence involving moles that can look like an elephant when we squeeze the skin between them. Then my brain started asking whether my boyfriend could actually be someone else’s soulmate and whether I am only temporarily “filling the spot.” I had a strong feeling that this possibility might be real, even though I don’t actually know that. Are those soulmates coincidence even real? I hate these thoughts so much

Is it possible for ROCD to show up super late in a relationship? Like... 11 years? I'm pissed off. I love my girlfriend. She's my best friend in the world. I have BPD and I have had a very dependent relationship with her for a long time (me being the unhealthily dependent one). Now I am working on healing this, and our relationship feels a bit destabilized and off even though not too much has changed. I want to be with her so bad, but I'm always so scared I'm lying to myself or I'm in denial because I've been with her my whole adult life and I'm super attached to her... BUT I KNOW I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE? When I have moments of clarity, it's always the same realization that I am so lucky and grateful to be with my best friend in the world. But also, there will be times where she does something cute, then I smile to myself, then I worry because the smile felt "forced" because I just wanted to see the good in that moment. I have this huge fear of "what if I just want to want this but I don't actually deep down and that's why I feel this way?" My therapist says that if I want to want something... That means that I want it. My therapist thinks I have OCD, but also that my BPD and childhood parental relationship trauma play a big part in me hyperfocusing on my relationship. I don't have that much of an identity outside of my relationship (and the identity I used to have was pretty rotten, so bow that I am fixing myself it's like there isn't much left). IDK if this makes sense. I would love to be able to allow myself to feel safe. I miss that consuming feeling of connection, I hate the weird feelings of uneasiness and fear that my "gut" is trying to tell me something. That I don't have free will, that I'm struggling because I'm going against my truth or some kind of destiny. So I suffer, but at the same time, I know I'm not going anywhere. I just don't know how to feel better, and that's all I want. Anyone relate?

CW HOSPITALS & EMETOPHOBIA ⚠️ I don’t censor words in this post Posting this just to not be alone in my evil evil head I guess 😭 I had to drive a family member to the ER this morning (they’re okay don’t worry) but the waiting room is such a nightmare. I made soup this morning, but didn’t get a chance to eat before I had to abruptly leave to get my family member, so I thought “okay I’ll eat my soup when I get home.” Cool, okay, I was excited about the soup which is already big because I have this fear that if I show or feel excitement about something, I’ll jinx it and something bad will happen, but I locked in and let myself be excited. Then we got to the ER and were waiting for a while, and everything was fine until a lady started gagging/throwing up in the waiting room somewhere near us. We got up to sit somewhere else but oh my GOD it freaked my emetophobic self out. My brain now is just a constant stream of “was she close enough to be contagious? Did she touch anything you touched and you just don’t know it? Was someone else sick before you got here and they contaminated something you touched?” Like GIRL leave me alone!! I struggle so much with knowing what’s a reasonable reaction and what’s not. Like, certainly throwing away the clothes I’m wearing the second we get home is a step too far, but is a shower/immediately washing the clothes too much? So many things I want to decontaminate, but at the root of all of that, I know I just have to accept that yeah, maybe I did catch something at the ER, and if I did, that’s just what it is. I’m struggling a lot (still currently waiting for my family member to be discharged) but I know that my anxiety is not the arbiter of this situation. I don’t know what will happen, but my plan was to go home after this and eat my soup, so that’s what I’ll do. Whether I throw up later or not is not something I can control. Live laugh love I guess 😭

I’m so depressed from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed. I see all the other girls so happy living their life and it breaks my heart because I want to be one so bad. All I can think about is that I’m a liar fraud and in denial. I constantly feel like I’m faking being a girl even though I never felt like this before ever it’s heartbreaking. I truly think there is something going on with my gender even though I truly don’t want it to be. I went to the store today picked out a blush that I felt would make me feel beautiful then I kept thinking why am I getting this I’m not a real woman anyway why do I need this. It’s to the point now that I feel that I am a man inside like I have a complete mismatch with my gender I am so sad. This has to be real if I was cis I wouldn’t even question it I wouldn’t feel like a man I would know I was a women I miss my life.

First time posting. I have lived with OCD since my early 20’s after my son was born. It was likely present earlier on, just unrecognized. I went to therapy, did well with it for years, until my spouse suffered a severe brain injury and our lives completely changed in a matter of hours. I became a caregiver, single parent, sole financial provider, etc. overnight. I am doing EMDR and it helps. My OCD symptoms have been very challenging to navigate, and the themes have shifted. I am so afraid of losing my mind, like anytime I feel happy or not just completely worn down, I analyze ever symptom to check and make sure I’m not manic, becoming psychotic, losing touch with reality. Everything feels threatening. I also struggle with feeling “just right” with my children, my partner, and often fear just losing myself completely. My mind just doesn’t stop. Any input on navigating symptoms through grief, chronic high stress, etc. I would like to do ERP, trying to work out the insurance coverage with this platform now. Thanks guys.

I think my best friend of 4 years has a crush on me. The last time we hung out with another friend of mine and it was really awkward. I had the same thing happen with another long term friend and it was deeply traumatizing the way that she continued to come on to me when I told her I didn’t like her. I’m at the point where I’ll cut anyone off who makes me feel unsafe. As a bisexual woman, it sometimes just feels like people think it’s a free for all. My standards are really high physically and I’m sure anyone can relate to a feeling of disgust that comes over you when someone you don’t like violates your boundaries. It makes me feel guilty like, maybe I shouldn’t have reached out for help so many times. Maybe friends aren’t supposed to talk so often? I just went through a breakup and I’m having a hard time with my view of the world… is this adulthood? Is everything sexual? I miss when I didn’t feel this way

Last Sunday, I was sitting on my patio and started opening my patio umbrella for shade. As I raised it, a silver-colored bug fell out along with what looked like a small red flying insect. Both briefly brushed against my wrist, and the red one immediately flew away. The entire thing happened so quickly that I couldn't get a good look at it. Ever since then, I've been worried that it may have been a bat rather than an insect, even though at the time I thought it looked like a small red bug. I have not found any puncture marks, scratches, bleeding, bruising, or obvious wounds. Later I noticed a small bump on my hand, but I'm honestly not sure whether it was already there before the incident. It did not itch or burn unless I pressed on it. The next day I scheduled a virtual visit with my doctor because I was so worried. She looked at my hand and told me not to worry, especially since I did not actually see a bat. That should have reassured me, but it didn't. I continued obsessing over the possibility that I had somehow been exposed to a bat. A few days later I went to urgent care in person for a second opinion as the nearest ER is 1 hour away. The doctor thoroughly examined my hand and again told me not to worry, stating that if I didn't actually see a bat, there was no reason to think this was a bat exposure. But after googling again it appears that reddit says not to go to urgent care for these types of things Despite receiving reassurance from two doctors, I am still extremely anxious. Earlier today I went back outside and attempted to move the patio umbrella to the garage , this time using a stick because I was afraid i liftrf the umbrella to see if anything was u der there While doing so, I saw either a bird or a bat leave from underneath it fly away in the distance. Since then I've been second-guessing everything and wondering if I've missed something important. One additional detail that may be relevant: for the two weeks before this incident, I was convinced that I might have been bitten by a rat, and now my fear has shifted to being bitten by a bat. I just needed somewhere to vent because I am spiraling

My boyfriend didn’t get me flowers when he picked me up from the airport. I noticed immediately. At first I brushed it off then we got home. He had thrown away the old moldy nasty flowers that I am always too scared to touch. Instead of me being grateful he did this for me, I focused on the fact he didn’t replace them. I circled around this for so long. Even made jokes about how he didn’t get me new ones to laugh it off but I secretly was suffering from it. “Why didn’t get me flowers? Does this mean he’s falling out of love? He used to get them for me? He has picked me up with them before? He secretly hates me? Is he a lazy boyfriend? Do I deserve better?” And so on and on and on. I then felt myself falling into the hole. I started to get sadder and sadder and sadder until I was back in this depressive void. I got completely cold towards him and couldn’t even look him in the eye. This continued for hours. I completely shut him out. A night that started with laughter, joy, and love because I missed him terribly, turned into another nightmare. After I realized what I was doing, then the guilt came. “I ruined the night. What if something happens to him and this is how I treated him? He is going to break up with me because he can’t take this anymore. I am cruel to him. I am ungrateful and unappreciative.” And so on and on and on. Now it’s turned into my pity party and me apologizing over and over trying to turn the night around that I “ruined.” I am in full on melt down mode now. Crying, trembling, hyperventilating. “I’m so sorry I always do this. I’m a miserable person. I’m so sad. Please don’t break up with me. Am I psychotic? Do I need to go somewhere? I’m scared. I feel so guilty.” While all of this is going on my boyfriend just keeps apologizing about the flowers and telling me he loves me. I can’t stop thinking about how in my meltdown over the flowers I failed to be grateful for him. He took my trash out and pulled the recycling to the street, cleaning my cats litter box and fed her, fed my snake, and washed my dishes.(I live alone and he did this while I was out of town) All I could do was focus on the missing flowers and how it must be sign he does not love me anymore. I just want to be happy. He says he’s worried about me and I’m worried too. I can’t keep doing this cycle of meltdowns.

I feel like nobody is listening to me. I’m screaming into the void and I’m alone.

I had/have a porn addiction for a long time i blamed my pork addiction on my gender ocd questioning. Am i trans? Can i be this? Is this possible im not a man? I was just wandering if anyone else ever had gender or sexuality ocd issues and how it turned out. Sexuality went away when i accepted i was bi.(there was also other signs there). Gender is different. Just want to hear peoples experiences or opinions thats all! Hope everyone is doing well.