Welcome to
the NOCD Community

For some time, I found my sense of confidence and security in knowledge. Fundamentally, is it not used to understand the world and function in it? In a way, does it not give people a sense of self, the ideas and concepts learned and adopted? Fortunately for me, through spiritual teachings, I learned that everything in its many forms is not me; sense of self for me is the being that lies behind everything else in which I can focus or meditate on. However, still lies this need and desire to hold knowledge or beliefs about what I think truth is in what is and what has been experienced. I started experiencing anxiety in my late teens - although, I did have social anxiety earlier than that. I would start having panic attacks having to read out loud in class and I pretty much avoided every presentation I was required to do in college. My initial attempt to work on my anxiety was to find solutions to potential triggers I would anticipate or imagine, journalize it, and use it like a Bible. It wasn't long before I saw how unrealistic that was so I later started reading self-help books on anxiety. After my second breakdown and second hospitalization, I was in complete despair and felt neglected with insufficient mental health treatment. I began to take things into my own hands so to speak - self-regulate at a level none before. That meant in large part continuing to read and gain knowledge to strengthen myself to combat anxiety. Coupled with my pursuit for health and psychological knowledge, was my desire to create value in myself, value that I specifically can offer a woman were I to get into another romantic relationship that I so desperately wanted - value that I feel I failed to offer my first and only real relationship. If I can gain certain knowledge that would emotionally, mentally, and physically take care of someone, I can gain the confidence of being in a relationship again. Being someone with substance. After all, I didn't find value in my appearance and personality enough, nor my work, or money as that comes and goes, but I did find it in relationships - even somewhat non-romantic relationships after all, even as someone with social anxiety. What somewhat appealed to me, was building work relationships despite the norm of them seeming only superficial and also developing relationships with family - extending to cousins, and others in that circle. A lot of my reading was what I once heard called “me-search”. In other words, what I read pertained to what I struggled with or felt I needed to know for whatever reason, not necessarily what I was interested in. So, I read self-help books on anxiety and others psychological in nature. At 30, because of a negative experience with antipsychotic medications, I read nutritional books in an attempt to treat my anxiety naturally without medication. This was a time when I was still resistant towards medication. Now, I understand that I need the medication and its benefits. I look at them as vitamins in a way. Perhaps it was inevitable that the books were going to be of interest to me because they were psychological in nature where you get to learn about yourself and others. What was intriguing was a book on body language but most of all an introductory psychology textbook really interested me. I got to learn topics related to human development, emotions and motivation, language, learning and cognition. I got to learn topics related to memory, sensation and perception, states of consciousness and personality, etc. Now I am not going to pretend that I have a wealth of information in psychology - the human mind and behavior; I don't. I didn't take up psychology or sociology in college, although I wish I did. But I did learn a good amount of information, adopted it, and I embraced it. I consider and reference it in my interactions with people to instinctively try to understand them, offer something, and ground myself when doing so. It sort of became a framework or mold for me to understand the world and function in it. In fact, how could anyone who reads psychology or any social science information for that matter not have it reshape their mindset? Even literature for that matter as I did take a couple of comparative literature courses in college that had an impact on me. Is psychology, whether consciously or subconsciously, not used and a part of everyday life with people? I do have to now throw back in health and nutrition, especially for the purpose of this whole discussion. As I begin to discuss my struggles and down-fall related to this information, I need to re-emphasize that I am not a wiz on these topics, especially nutrition because I didn't read a whole lot about it. Still a good amount though. I merely wanted to educate myself to help with my anxiety and because of said value I wanted to add to myself. I haven't had a real consistent full-time job since around September 2024 and as time has passed I have been struggling since. I left the job primarily because of my anxiety around STIs and fear of having to do presentations; as I mentioned earlier, presentations or public speaking of that nature is a trigger for panic attacks for me. Perhaps, with a lot of time to think or be in my head, I began doubting my knowledge; knowledge that was important to me - as mentioned, nutrition, psychology (mind and behavior), and I am going to add the immune system - one other piece of information learned in a crash course for purposes of dealing with my anxiety around STIs that will be mentioned another time. At some point, the sources of where I got my information became important to me; they needed to be reliable sources. During my break from work, it occurred to me that the crash course to the immune system may have not been a reliable source, and moreover, I couldn't remember the book sources to where I got my information on nutrition. Later in my break from work, my mind attached itself to the psychology textbook - yes, even the damn psychology textbook! I started thinking about the possibility of misinterpreting the information because it possibly referenced bio-chemical aspects of psychology. I know there was one chapter on bio-psychology or something like that, which I read and understood at the time. However, I started thinking about or questioning what I really know about chemistry or mainly biology? Despite, biology of the brain or nervous and endocrine system primarily being referenced in passing necessary to illustrate and teach psychology, and even genetics, did I really understand that part? There is uncertainty in where, and how much was mentioned, and how much was common knowledge. Again, at the time, I had no problem going through the material but I started to doubt my understanding and made me think that I possibly misinterpreted the material as a whole because of the uncertainty with biology and maybe chemistry. This has become deeply conflicting and disturbing! Months gone by and I am still considerably disturbed, unable to function (for other reasons as well to be discussed at another time). What do I do with all of this information? The immune system information I could kind of ignore knowing that I have an immune system that attacks microbes or pathogens - to be discussed at another time when I go over my STI phobia, mostly my fear of passing STI infections to someone else. How do I disregard the information I have on nutrition and more important to me, psychology? The information has significant relevance to how I think, feel and behave. The information is referenced - retrieved from memory or thought about through association, when I interact with others and make internal and external decisions. This information was learned, adopted, and used for some time. I can no longer reference this information with confidence, and without conviction. When I instinctively reference this information, I become reluctant and conflicted, not trusting or feeling content with what I am thinking or communicating. What now are my beliefs if they are not these? What do I do with the building blocks of information that was built on this framework? How do I unmold my way of thinking and rewire my brain? Or, how do I deal with the uncertainty of the information I have? My anxiety with this has gotten to the point where I am doubting everything I know or think I know. Needless to say, I don't say I have knowledge, I say I have beliefs.

Hello, I am 19 years old. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD (pure O to be exact) but I’m pretty sure I have it. When I was younger I would constantly cry with guilt and shame for having thoughts about my religion. I’d think to myself “Is God gay” or “Maybe I hate God” I’d ALWAYS have to confess these thoughts to my family members. I also had more weird quirks like having to repeat a line from a cartoon I was watching. Or I couldn’t stop obsessing over my eyes getting stuck for making a silly expression! I also remember being TERRIFIED of catching Brain-eating amoeba or getting a tumor! But now, I developed POCD with a dash of false memory. You see, about 2/3 years ago, me and my Mom went to Walmart. She had to go use the bathroom and as I was waiting for her outside I thought to myself “what if I harm a child while she was in the bathroom?” That day I tried to look for something to “check” to make sure that I DIDN’T do that. Like, if there was someone in the aisle, I could look back and think “Oh! There was someone there. I couldn’t have done that” or if I called my brother, I can look back and think “I had him on the phone! How could I have possibly done that” But I don’t remember him picking up the phone. So I sent him a text instead. I was looking for anything in that moment for reassurance. I do remember coming back home and later on brushing off the thought. I can’t remember EXACTLY what I thought to brush off the thought. Maybe I thought “They have cameras, so if I did anything they’d come for me right?” I brushed this off! But now, the memory came back to me, and I made this WHOLE child up. I’m not sure if this sounds racist, but I have an image of me sniffing behind a black child! I made up an outfit and even gave him a name! The images in my head don’t make sense. But they still frighten and scare me! I’m frustrated that I can’t recall the exact memories that day. As I said it was 2/3 years ago.. But why did this hit me now, and not then? I can be talking to my mom or whoever, and I have this voice in my head “if only they knew the terrible thing you’ve done” and I feel SICK like I don’t deserve happiness! I even gave my Etsy shop a break because I felt like I didn’t deserve to be making money. Also, by the way, all my celebrity crushes are 40+ year old men! WHY THE FCK IS MY BRAIN MAKING THIS UP AND IM SO SCARED IF THIS IS REAL 😩 I CANT afford therapy, and I DON’T want to share with my family because they’re not very educated on this. I know giving reassurance is not recommended, but someone please save me and give me advice. I was happy and fine. This came out of nowhere. My family is also going through something traumatic right now, and I need to be at my best so I can be there for them!

Looking for guidance revolving around moving past things I regret. A little backstory, I’ve always had undiagnosed OCD. Constant ritual, saying things in my head over and over, having to be perfect with prayers. Things like that. I’ve been with my now wife for about 10 years. She’s perfect and such a great person. I’ve struggled with porn addiction for a while. In the beginning and more towards the 8 year mark in our relationship. Long story short, I did a lot of things I was ashamed of and regret. I was talking to people online about sexual desires, sending pictures, things like that. Talked with men and women, but mostly men. She found out, we worked through it, got married and have been great since. Flash forward, we’ve began studying the bible and I’ve felt deep guilt for my past. It would consume me and I’d confess things she already knew and some she may not have. Regardless, she’s forgiven me and has been great through this. I just hate that my brain feels the need to make me feel guilty by finding a ‘new detail’ or specific instance that I haven’t thought about since it happened. I feel the need to then confess even though she said she’s forgiven me and doesn’t want details. I just feel like I’m in an endless loop where I tell myself she doesn’t mean it, I’m a terrible person and don’t deserve her. She’s the love of my life we’re soulmates and I know she means what she says when she says she forgives me, but I just and cannot move past the things I’ve done. I recently read about real event OCD and feel like that’s me. I also feel like I keep convincing myself I’ve done worse things and I’m lying to her when I’ve already confessed everything plus she said she’s doesn’t want details. Just looking for help to move past these constant thoughts of people I talked to or interactions I did. I don’t want to think about those. I just want to think about my wife and the good things we have. Also can’t shake the deep burning guilt I feel in my stomach. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thank you. I just want it to get better and move on for me and my wife’s sake. Thanks again.

TW: Animals When I was younger , two situations make me feel so guilty and disgusted. I had harmed a gecko and two rats. This was 6+ years ago and for both of them, I cried and felt so guilty after situations. I hadn’t thought of events until just recently and it caused my OCD to spiral. I haven’t harmed an animal since and I love my pets but my mind races and gives me anxiety of “What if you do this to your cat?” “What if you did this to your dog?” And it’s been bothering me due to the online things of like “if you harm animals you turn into a killer” and it scares me, giving me anxiety when I see them walk into the room. What do I do??

I am in a relationship. I am engaged, I love my fiance we have been together almost 2 years ( in 2 months) and our wedding is this September (yay!) I know I have had weird thoughts about liking my friends even before I was in a relationship like wayyyy long ago. Ever since I have been with my fiance (this is the longest relationship I have ever had… and it’s my forever lol ♥️) sometimes when I have a coworker that’s a guy or a girl (but mostly guys) like everything will be super ok and fine and whatever then my brain with randomly be like “oop you like them” “you chose wrong” “you’re in the wrong relationship” “you like your coworker”???? Like recently i work with a guy that i used to think was cute like in 2022 from my first job but like we never dated and whatever, but we became like pretty good friends over the years of me leaving and coming back to the same job lol. This time around we have gotten to become pretty good friends and i want my fiance and some of my coworkers to meet and them to be friends because i feel like they would totally vibe. But now like recently my mind has been being like “oh you like him” “you wanna be with him” “you wish you dated” or like i will think about like oh what if we dated What would have happened just things like that. Or like “oh what if you just want to like be single and date other people”??? I love my fiance so much i would never want to hurt him I want to be with him forever and marry him and everything but sometimes when these things pop up in my brain I feel like I am cheating on him an I wanna tell him all the things in my brain but I try not to because I know seeking reassurance doesnt help. Idk has anyone else gone through this? (Ps if you read this whole hot mess youre an angel lol thanks for reading my vent🤍) super tired 🥱

How do y'all deal with guilt and shame which comes after the gruesome, disgusting, disturbing unwanted intrusive thoughts? I am just 20 years old and I have so many dreams for my future I really miss my old self without OCD. I really really have these big dreams for myself, I've always been ambitious but sometimes the intrusive thoughts can be so dark it makes me think I don't deserve to be happy and chase these dreams.

It’s important to focus on what’s good about your situation, not just what feels wrong. But sometimes it’s hard not to reflect on the cost of living with OCD—truly acknowledging how much it can force you to sacrifice. For example, I’m 25 and I still haven’t gotten my driver’s license. I’m slowly working toward it now (hopefully I get there), but it’s been a long, heavy road shaped by avoidance—driven by anxiety, depression, dissociation, and more. It’s been a huge inconvenience and, honestly, a little embarrassing at times. It can feel isolating, like I’m not fully living. And that’s just one area. There’s more…dating, work. I’m curious—what has OCD cost you?

Anyone else obsess about their boss not liking them/being annoyed by you? I’ve been a medical assistant at my current job for about 9 months. In that time, my boss has unfortunately seen my anxiety/OCD in action. I ask her often if she’s mad at me or if I’m going to be fired. And when I don’t ask, I just cannot stop thinking about it and worrying over it. I know that I should not ask or bother her about it. But the way she responds to me is very short and dry. So she always seems to be annoyed at me. Am I probably just overthinking? I really love my job and my coworkers and patients. But I can’t stop obsessing over my boss liking me or not.

Does anyone else experiences poor memory? Is it correlated with ocd? Sometimes Im not even sure what exactly I ate 2 days ago

Does anyone feel angry during your obsessive spiral?

So I had severe SOOCD, and used to experience sexual abuse in my ex relationship. I would avoid sex because I was afraid I wouldn’t get aroused and if I didn’t, or wasn’t “wet” enough my ex bf would call say I’m not attracted to him and yell and scream at me. I was in this relationship from 16-19. I had no understanding of healthy intimacy. It was so bad I avoided doing anything to myself even, made me so afraid. When I started dating my current bf he was super helpful, patient and understanding. I would freak out if I wasn’t aroused quickly and would cry and worry it was because I wasn’t into him. 6 months into our relationship I applied this logic to him also. If he wouldn’t finish quickly it meant he wasn’t into me, or that he didn’t like me. I’m not insecure, I am quite secure in my relationship. But I heavily connected not finishing or being aroused enough to = not into me or I’m not into them. I still can’t get this out of my head, I avoid sex, fear it, and worry the entire time. Here’s the problem. Now my bf worries about the same. He said my constant checking and worrying makes him feel like he’s not normal and soemthing is wrong with him. He avoids sex, we are both afraid of it, and it’s led to a sexless relationship. I feel horrific for how Ive impacted him. I tell him it’s because of the abuse (very abusive) relationship and my ocd (he also has ocd). Do you guys think this is fixable? How can we work around this? Do you guys think once we remove the anxiety of sex, we will gain desire again? We are both attracted to eachother but man, I can’t help but feel horrible and that now our relationship is doomed. How can we work together to fix this?

Hello friends, I don’t know how to ensure I don’t do compulsions or do anything that would be bad for my healing journey. Can someone read and help? So, every month my period has been late, and every month my OCD fills my head with the same fear “what if you cheated on your partner and don’t remember. He won’t believe you. Because who would? And you’ll lose him forever” that’s the most prominent thought. Along with “what if your partner had his way with you while you slept” or even worse.. what if someone else did. I’m now technically a day late from when I got my period the last month. I have had a longer cycle then this before. June of 2025. Yes I track that extensively. Here is my dilemma. My mind tells me I should “take a pregnancy test” to put my mind at ease. I have done that before. Knowing I’m a virgin, celibate etc. and yet I still watched that test with immense fear. And when it came back negative (Because yeah of course it did). I started searching it’s effectiveness (expiry dates, if I did it correct.) I know it’s a trap but my god I would love the relief of not being a monster. My mind convinces me every month that I have betrayed my partner. He keeps trying to cheer me up. The doctors say it could be PCOS. As it runs in my family. I have most symptoms. So my partner just thinks it’s that like everyone else. But the doctor didn’t even pregnancy test me. So how can they know for sure. And if it did come back positive. How?! You know. I heard sometimes fake positive tests mean cancer too. So that also scares me. Anyway I have been being distant from my partner. My brain has convinced me I have betrayed him and he is being so sweet to me. And I can’t get the what if’s to go away. And I feel so guilty and stressed which isn’t making my period come any quicker being stressed. I don’t know what to do. Or how to cope. What to do or not to do. I want to make sure I don’t participate in a compulsion. I also want peace. Help.

One of the things that OCD makes difficult for me is buying things, particularly expensive things or things I'll have to use a lot, like sneakers. I have bad knees but like to run, so I want to buy sneakers that will be comfortable. I found myself going to 3 different store over the course of 2 days, trying on bunches of pairs, testing them out for a couple hours, and still feeling overwhelmed when deciding. I did purchase a pair but still unsure how I feel about them and debating returning them and going to another store to get another opinion/other options. It's exhausting and I just want to accept the shoes I bought. I don't want it to be a whole task. I am going to work on practicing NERs, just having a hard time with it right now. Just curious if anyone can relate so I feel less alone in this and if anyone has suggestions of what works for them? Thanks ❤️

TW: mention of my internal thoughts related to racism I am constantly stressed (no matter where I go, or who I'm talking to) about systemic oppression and problems in the world (namely racism, poverty, sexism, transphobia, climate change & environmental degredation) and how I can contribute to fix it. Its like a mental bug in my mind that won't stop saying "this is a problem you should be aware of and doing something about RIGHT NOW or else something terrible is going to happen and it will be all your fault." I dont like socializing very much anymore because this is always running through my mind, so when I engage in any sort of conflict or confrontation or anything outside of me doing something to help someone, I feel overwhelmed and sometimes break down emotionally. I feel like I can't do normal or fun things without getting distracted by and focusing on intrusive thoughts. This has been a significant problem since I was a teenager. It started with being worried about recycling properly or driving my car too much, or leaving the lights on. Now its gotten to "if i look at this Black person awkwardly, are they going to think I'm racist?" and then latching onto that thought and doing mental compulsions to figure out how I can avoid being racist. I am in fact White, if that was not obvious already lol. I feel like helping and engaging is more of a compulsion than something I actually love doing or want to do, instead it feels like something I HAVE to do. Im burned out constantly because in most of my relationships, Im just trying to figure out ways I can make peoples' libes better, I'm not actually being present or enjoying my time with them/engaging fully with an activity. I dont want to live in a state of constant burn out and obsessive thoughts. I want to tolerate being uncomfortable and allowing shit that's out of my control to just be, but there's lots of intrusive thoughts running through my mind telling me "you have to do something about this or else someone, somewhere will be harmed by you"

Need some advice perhaps?? So this is random but I want to be married someday and I don’t go on dates a lot and I pray about it all the time. And I don’t know when random people are interested in me I either shut them all off or like I’m like they could be a future husband or something yk I feel like I’m impulsive and we aren’t suppose to chase after someone else but how do I know If I don’t try they aren’t gonna magically appear. But then I’ll give them a chance sometimes or just cut them off out of nowhere and we like nah they aren’t it I already know or maybe they are a distraction or maybe I’m ignoring the signs of someone who it could be. It’s just a lot does anyone else feel like this? Cuz I don’t wanna make the wrong choice or be distracted but want to experience potentially finding someone and getting myself out there cuz I’m more reserved.

TW: Checking I have a huge problem with checking. When I’m triggered by something, I tend to always grab my phone and start researching and spiraling for hours on end about that one thing. Usually it will feed into other things I worry about, and the cycle repeats. For example, I’m awake now because I’ve been up for the last 3 hours being paranoid about a Quora and Reddit post I made a while ago asking for advice. Constantly fearing that people sharing them are making fun of me, worrying about the comments and dislikes. I also tend to get in my head about rude comments. I made a lot of spelling mistakes in my Quora post, and people were coming at me kind of rude because of it, and it has me feeling extremely self-conscious, worrying that other people will find out it’s me and make fun of me. Anyone have any advice on how to stop checking so much and to learn to sit with uncertainty?

Hi all! I am very new here. I was diagnosed with ocd a year ago, but was never able to get treatment and recently stumbled onto this app. I am not sure what category to put this in because I feel very confused right now. I have so many thoughts my brain feels a bit blank. But essentially, I am on a vacation with two of my closest friends, and one of their parents. There are have several things throughout the trip that have been heightening my anxiety. Right now I feel obsessed with thoughts around how the people around me feel about me, and about whether or not I am 'performing' well if that makes sense. It's an excruciating cycle because I know the worse I feel, the worse I am to be around, and then that exacerbates my anxiety. But I can't get rid of these thoughts about my behaviour, how I feel I've been unhelpful throughout the trip and about my friends and their family hating me now, or thinking worse of me now. I feel really upset with myself too because this trip, while being really fun, has also made me feel like a lot of the mental health progress I have made has been undone, and I've fallen back into behaviour I've worked really hard on improving. This is all to say, does anyone have any advice on how to regulate these kinds of emotions and deal with the bombardment of thoughts? Of course I want to be reflecting on myself and my behaviour so I can be a good friend and responsible, but I also recognise that this bombardment of thoughts is not helpful, and that a lot of these are intrusive thoughts. My sense of reality feels a little distorted and I feel slow and am finding it difficult to remember things. I am not able to calm down and I feel really disconnected from myself and what I think would be helpful for myself. Any time I do successfully calm down, I immediately have thoughts of 'well what if it doesnt matter and the damage is already permanently done' which just ends up eventually restarting the cycle. Thanks for any advice!!

Has anyone with history of TOCD found it possible to avoid being trans to align with the intrusive thoughts? I’m convinced that my TOCD is actually just a suppression of being trans because I’m scared of it, even though I am trying to remember that just because I’ve always been afraid of being trans and what it would do to my life, it doesn’t mean I actually am trans. I feel dysphoria and can’t stop imagining myself as a man, and my brain then tells me that I like these thoughts. I think I am suffering from depersonalization because I have been completely disconnected from my body for years as a result of trying to cope with this. I even developed an eating disorder as a way of trying to regain control of my life. I always identified as a cis straight woman and had no awareness of misalignment or disappointment in my womanhood when I was younger, I often times just felt like I wasn’t enough (pretty enough, nice enough, accepted enough, successful enough, etc.). However, early awareness of finding women conventionally attractive and fear of being a lesbian has intensified into years of TOCD. I’m in a spiral where I can’t stop ruminating and have spent so much time overanalyzing my whole life that identity feels gray and confusing now, and I’m uncomfortable by the idea of being friends or in a relationship with anyone. I want to be able to see myself as a wife and mom, to reconnect with my identity as a daughter and sister, but these thoughts have taken it all away from me. Like no matter what I think I want, I’ll never be able to happily be in a cis straight relationship because I’ve always been trans underneath it all. I’m hoping I can survive this because I don’t want that to be my life just because I couldn’t overcome these thoughts. I don’t know that I can continue on when it feels like I want something (to be a man) that I’ve always wanted to not want. Thank you.

Please help. I've always had this fear of "what if I'm trans?" and fear now feels like reality. It feels like I've been suppressing a hidden truth for so many years and that the inevitable truth of me being trans is now coming out. I am completely dissociated and feel like my body is trying to make me feel dysphoric in my current body and forcing constant fixation on images of myself as a man and makes me think I like them. It feels like this has never been about fear and has always been about suppression, and now I don't even recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I've completely numbed out any emotion and am so hyperaware of what people think of me and of "being figured out" that this it is unbearable. I feel no joy or connection to anything anymore, and the idea of connecting with anyone on a friendship or relationship level scares me because it feels like it is going to confirm that I am not a woman. I want to be a woman and have struggled with body dysmorphia and feeling like I need to constantly be working on my body to be satisfied, but I don't think at my core I want to be a man. I feel relieved at the idea of accepting it and realizing there is a cause to the years of intrusive thoughts and disconnection from myself and others, but the feelings of dysphoria in my female body/euphoria at the thought of being a man makes me feel like this is inescapable and I am just in denial. I think learning about the fact that gender dysphoria is the determining factor of what makes someone trans versus what is OCD is why I feel dysphoric now, but I am so in distress that I don't even know who I am or ever was anymore. I've always felt inadequate and had imposter syndrome, like I've never been able to acknowledge the good person that I am or how I've been successful. I've long been insecure of my appearance and had tendencies to compare myself to others and check to see if I was enough. I have a major fear of being inauthentic, and being trans would take away everything I value in life -- aka my authenticity and my relationships with my family. I feel like these thoughts first came up in childhood when I felt like liking certain things or not being hyperfeminine meant I wasn't feminine enough, and not so much core misalignment or wanting to be a man, but that's what it feels like now. I don't want to be trans or have my life change, but this threat feels so real and so persistent that I can't keep denying it. It's gotten to the point where when I see an attractive man, it makes me think I'm gay, even though I am biologically a woman. I've had other themes that are easier to shake off, but the identity one and feeling like I don't have a sense of belonging is the one that I can't separate from. I don't want to become a man and so badly want to feel connected to my feminine body and identity as a woman, but the lack of connection I feel to it seems like proof of incongruence. My brain has convinced me that I want to be a man and that that is the only way I'll feel aligned or connected to myself, and if I try to reassure myself that I am a woman and just need to reconnect with that part of myself, I'll be miserable and suffering from intrusive thoughts forever.

i’m a senior in high school, about to graduate, and i’m totally dreading going to college. art is my passion, and i have the opportunity to go to school for art, but the idea of taking classes with people and being the new kid makes me want to crawl out my skin. i have struggled since 8th grade making friends because i feel like people don’t get my personality, and i have been bullied because i don’t fit in with the stereotypes of my school community. i believe that the bullying has been the main cause of my ocd, and that it gets worse when i know i have to meet people. anyone else deal with this?