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21+ only OCD is making me scared about person who had an onlyfans and posted explicit things trying to convince me they're a horrible person, it's also making me doubt my memories of them having an onlyfans when I know they did. I tried to disprove OCD messing with me and make sure the person wasn't evil but instead got triggered hy unrelated instagram and twitter accounts that I reported to be safe because one of the twitter accounts had an anime banner that rubbed me the wrong way, during all of this, I was basically having a full blown panic attack and I saw an account on onlyfans with the same name that said unavailable but wasn't sure if was the same person, I also saw awful "leaked" websites and reported those because it's violating and also because of a reddit post that I thought could be related because the person had the same first name saying that they regretted posting NSFW stuff of themselves, and it turned out that the twitter account I clicked on thinking it was unrelated but didn't have anything bad on it, was related to the person and their other account had a worrying drawn banner of a character's eyes and part of their face that seemed to elude to explicit things so I reported everything I could. I also checked their linktree to see if it was their onlyfans that said unavailable or if I needed to report that too but it led to another linktree and OCD twisted my intentions. The twitter account that I reported at first and I don't think was related to them despite it being the same name also said they were 20 in their bio so OCD's messing with me about that despite me only seeing their account last year. OCD making me scared of triggers when itching even though I know for a fact that I closed my phone and put it down to do so. OCD messing with me about the compulsion again and I keep telling it to stop. I'm so scared I naively trusted the wrong person and that they turned out to be a bad person and I didn't know and I know that I'm most likely wrong about all of this but the 1% chance I'm not is eating away at me and I just don't know what to do, I don't want to have unknowingly done something awful but trusted them because they had an onlyfans and so would've had to verify their age obviously and send in their ID but not just that, it's like the possibility of them drawing horrible things after I stopped using twitter (or even seeing their accounts which was way before and I may have even blocked them for their following idk) means that I'm a bad person even though I never knew these things and they happened after the fact. OCD making me scared I gave benefit of the doubt to people who followed horrific people when I know I didn't but it keeps making me doubt myself and I'm sure I blocked someone that I followed when I saw they followed someone awful but OCD's making me doubt it and I think I kept checking if they unfollowed them after I DM'd them about the person being awful maybe but idk and OCD keeps making me scared I gave awful people benefit of the doubt.

just to say, i am not trying to seek reassurance, i just need some advice on how to respond to this correctly. so for the past 6 months, ive been stuck in an ROCD spiral, mainly me doubting my relationship and questioning whether i love my partner and want to be with them, the whole 9 yards. my main struggle with this theme is the lack of feelings i’ve had towards him that follow the thoughts. like id have a thought, i would check the way i felt, feel no love or connection and that was my “proof”. the past few weeks ive actually had quite a lot of breakthroughs and i’ve been great. the other night i was laying with my partner, and i was just thinking about how much i love him. and how much love i felt for him. and then it began literally instantly. switched on me. long story short, i was unfaithful a few years ago, it was strictly online, i was 18 years old, i didn’t end up telling him about it until over a year later…but he knows. i was 18 when i cheated, 19 when i told him and we are 21 now. and i have NOT been able to forgive myself for it, at all. in that moment i was lying there with him, i had an OVERWHELMING feeling that i didn’t deserve him, at all. i’m a horrible person, im a liar, he’s too good for me, i don’t deserve him at all. and what haunts me even more, is when i DID tell him, i told him the vast majority of everything but i sugarcoated some things and lied about some things, told him i forgot a lot of things but i really didn’t, in fear. (i did end up trying to open up about this but he said if there was anything he wanted to know he’d ask, he never did ask and i respected that) now, my ocd is eating this up. i feel like i need to re-confess every single detail and tell him im such a liar and a POS. this has turned me back into a shell, sitting in our room researching and beating myself up. now i also feel like everything i say and do with other people is cheating. i genuinely just feel like im a terrible person, a liar, and that i just need to leave him so he doesn’t have to be with someone as horrible as me. i just need help on how to respond to this bc im genuinely stuck in a spiral and need to climb my way out before i actually re-open this wound with my partner and potentially ruin our 7 year relationship. (i also want to say, please don’t make me feel like shit for being unfaithful, i KNOW it was wrong, and it is something i would NEVER repeat.)

Has anyone else dealt with ritual OCD, and if so what has helped you overcome it? Mine involves checking the stoves, windows, sinks, doors, lights, fan making sire theyre all off/closed/locked. But I do it in a particular way/order and a pattern. From saying it outloud, to pulling the know certain pattern and # of times. Sometimes I go over because it feels like I didnt check it right. I only do it because im afraid I won't be able to sleep unless I do it. As there were a couple occasions where I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking that I didnt do it right and I did it wrong. So no im afraid of messing up or decreasing it. I was able to decrease it before at one time but alot of changes happened and it grew worse again. It takes me like 2-3 hours to complete it. Its annoying because I have to meet certain conditions before doing it, like my hair has ti be up, but I always redo it like 2-4 times. I have to wash my glasses 2 times. I have to have socks on. My hands have ti be washed, my phone has ti be clean etc. Its just worsening and more rules are being added. I know its my fault for giving in but the anxiety is really bad. I just need some advice on how I can approach this, my insurance isnt accepted on this app so I cant see a specialized therapist. Maybe some advice given to you from your therapist or experiences. Thank you for reading my story.

Does anyone else have bladder ocd? How do you manage it? I’m trying to get out of this one TMI* - wiping too much - feeling I have to pee and then going even when I don’t need to - “just in case” peeing - checking to see if I leaked - constant false feelings - scared to move my body How do you manage it?

I've been in a relationship for about 5 months now. He's really amazing and I love him. But before meeting him I've struggled on and off with bicuriousity and I never experimented. I've imagined going off and experimenting, but deep down I visualized him not being in my life anymore and I know I'd regret it. Throughout the relationship I've tried pushing down the feelings I've had about the bicuriousity. But more thoughts have come up lately and I've been scared throughout our relationship of what if I cheated on him? I think part of why I'm so scared of cheating is bc I'm uncertain of my sexuality and it makes me question the relationship. I'm really emotional and scared and confused. I just want to be happy and I don't want to mess up my relationship. I'd never want to hurt him

Not so long ago, maybe 2 years ago my friend was exposed on saying the N word. An ex friend who's white got upset and immediately cut off contact, which caused a bit of drama since she told me to tell them it wasn't meant in a derogatory way and the ex friend is white so they can't be upset. I at the time followed through with a "I don't know the context but they said that it wasn't meant to be derogatory I'm sorry, 😅 I kind of talked to them, keep in mind I don't say it myself. It's not really the best." To the ex friend. My friend also laughed it off with the group and I just didn't know what to do other than fit in and go along. Later on my friend apologized, and overall they don't align with racism, but ever since it's been recently killing me and I feel as if I did all of that myself, especially since I just hung out with them like normal after it? And with my current subtype it's amplified to a crazy lot. It sucks even more knowing that I unintentionally said it when I was 7, 9? or a bit older or younger, since I wasn't aware of the history. But I feel like a hypocrite and racist, even with morals always being to being loving towards all from the earliest days of my life. My other close ones have gone through similar mistakes, I just don't know what to do. Especially with people saying that "if you're friends with a horrible person, you aren't any better" which leads to consider cutting them off? They aren't actively hateful but that situation is deemed as serious. They're also always there for me and are nice to me, so I feel evil but if I say that I also feel like I'm treating it as nothing again. I HATE how much those things were enabled in my life too, I wish that from the start someone would tell me "even if it's seemed as unserious, don't ever take it as such!!" Instead I was told "You're _ so it wouldn't be bad if you said it" and I ended up confessing and exaggerating my real events turned into recently discovered false memories and the response was only shock and maybe a quick chuckle. Because now I'm just ruminating over all of my events (some of them not even real, rather than falsely told but now I can't tell) and I'm stressing over someone else's event, if I was given a reality check I would've done so much more to the situation! I hate being passive because it led me to being an enabler. But now if I do cut them off, I'll be exposed myself and seen as a hypocrite. I just don't know what to do, ugh.

21+ only OCD is making me scared about person who had an onlyfans and posted explicit things trying to convince me they're a horrible person, it's also making me doubt my memories of them having an onlyfans when I know they did. I tried to disprove OCD messing with me and make sure the person wasn't evil but instead got triggered hy unrelated instagram and twitter accounts that I reported to be safe because one of the twitter accounts had an anime banner that rubbed me the wrong way, during all of this, I was basically having a full blown panic attack and I saw an account on onlyfans with the same name that said unavailable but wasn't sure if was the same person, I also saw awful "leaked" websites and reported those because it's violating and also because of a reddit post that I thought could be related because the person had the same first name saying that they regretted posting NSFW stuff of themselves, and it turned out that the twitter account I clicked on thinking it was unrelated but didn't have anything bad on it, was related to the person and their other account had a worrying drawn banner of a character's eyes and part of their face that seemed to elude to explicit things so I reported everything I could. I also checked their linktree to see if it was their onlyfans that said unavailable or if I needed to report that too but it led to another linktree and OCD twisted my intentions. The twitter account that I reported at first and I don't think was related to them despite it being the same name also said they were 20 in their bio so OCD's messing with me about that despite me only seeing their account last year. OCD making me scared of triggers when itching even though I know for a fact that I closed my phone and put it down to do so. OCD messing with me about the compulsion again and I keep telling it to stop. I'm so scared I naively trusted the wrong person and that they turned out to be a bad person and I didn't know and I know that I'm most likely wrong about all of this but the 1% chance I'm not is eating away at me and I just don't know what to do, I don't want to have unknowingly done something awful but trusted them because they had an onlyfans and so would've had to verify their age obviously and send in their ID but not just that, it's like the possibility of them drawing horrible things after I stopped using twitter (or even seeing their accounts which was way before and I may have even blocked them for their following idk) means that I'm a bad person even though I never knew these things and they happened after the fact. OCD making me scared I gave benefit of the doubt to people who followed horrific people when I know I didn't but it keeps making me doubt myself and I'm sure I blocked someone that I followed when I saw they followed someone awful but OCD's making me doubt it and I think I kept checking if they unfollowed them after I DM'd them about the person being awful maybe but idk and OCD keeps making me scared I gave awful people benefit of the doubt.

my 19 years old son keeps thinking about a certain things for months and makes it the most important issue to be resolved. he keeps talking and discussing it endlessly ti the extent that he forgets about other important tasks like eating or sleeping or maintaining hygeine. it would continue for few months than he would find something else to think about. he is not focusing on his academics. Guide me how to handle this.

I am a 17-year-old male high school student, and I want to give some background first. I have always been very good at academics. I could understand concepts extremely quickly and memorize things after reading them only once or twice. My life was going really well until 8th grade. I was confident, good at public speaking, and enjoyed giving speeches and participating in debates. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, my life turned upside down because of one thing: OCD. My OCD became extremely severe. Living normally for even a few seconds became difficult. I was constantly dealing with intrusive thoughts and fighting battles inside my own head. I would spend hours performing compulsions. I remember days when I didn't sleep at all because I was occupied with compulsions throughout the night. Some of my compulsions were also extremely embarrassing. Sometimes, I would repeat certain words verbally over and over again. Don't even get me started on academics. I became almost completely unable to study. I started failing my classes, and at one point, I didn't go to school for an entire year. I spent hours crying alone in my room. I stopped meeting my friends because I was afraid they would think I was crazy. I went to a psychiatrist and a therapist, but unfortunately, I didn't get much better for almost two years. Eventually, though, things slowly started improving. Most of my compulsions are now gone, and in many ways, I am doing much better than I was before. But one extremely frustrating and debilitating problem just won't go away. It is very difficult to explain. It feels like my own mind is working against me, and I don't mean that metaphorically. I mean it literally. Whenever I try to do something mentally demanding, my brain seems to stop me from doing it. The biggest way this affects me is academically. I am almost completely unable to study effectively. For example, when I try to memorize something, my brain constantly throws random thoughts and interruptions at me. These thoughts don't necessarily have any meaning. They feel more like interruptions that prevent me from maintaining my focus. Even while writing this paragraph, whenever I try to think of a particular word, my mind sometimes blocks me. Because of this, I struggle to recall information, memorize things, formulate thoughts, and put them into words. I can study for hours and genuinely put in a huge amount of effort, but when I try to recall what I studied, these interruptions interfere so much that I feel like everything has disappeared. And this isn't limited to studying. It affects almost every cognitive function I rely on. Reading, speaking, brainstorming, recalling information, forming thoughts, and trying to express myself can all become extremely difficult because of this problem. The frustrating part is that I still have control over my physical activities. So I try to do everything I can physically control. Even when I feel incapable of memorizing or studying properly, I still sit down and try. I work out every day, eat healthy, and continue pushing myself. The heartbreaking part is that nobody seems to understand what I am going through. People sometimes label me as stupid or incapable, and it hurts because I know that I wasn't always like this. I know what I was capable of before. I remember being the person who could understand things quickly, memorize easily, speak confidently, and perform well academically. Now I constantly watch other students move forward while I feel like I am fighting just to stay in the same place. A normal student can study harder and improve their grades, but for me, it feels like no matter how hard I study, something inside my own mind keeps forcing me backward. I am putting in the effort, but I don't feel like I have control over the thing that is preventing me from benefiting from that effort. I had always dreamed of getting into a prestigious university. Now, sometimes, I feel like that future has been taken away from me. All of these problems seem connected to this one particular issue, whatever it actually is. Because of it, my confidence has completely fallen apart. My perception of myself has changed. I constantly blame myself and often feel like I am the worst person on the planet, even though a part of me knows that I am genuinely trying my best. I just want to understand what is happening to me. What could this actually be? Why does my mind seem to interfere with almost every cognitive task I try to perform? And why has this remained even after most of my OCD compulsions have improved? I have seen both a psychiatrist and a therapist, but so far, neither has been able to explain what is happening or make this particular problem significantly less intense. I desperately want to understand it because it is affecting almost every part of my life, especially my education and my ability to see a future for myself.

My brain doesn’t stop its constantly ruminating — every bad experiences that I had ( it thinks the same will happen in the future) but its partially true because those are realistic fears and some of my worries do come true because i know my surroundings people i am surrounded with their level of understanding etc etc. So all the worst outcomes that MIGHT happen in the future my brain constantly ruminates that. Because I come from different culture now people know about depression anxiety that too basic so they don’t understand why i behave the way i behave. I have explained my problem to people but the responses i got was very bad so those past experiences gets imprinted very strongly and regarding future i think everything would be same Like conditioning has happened. But many things do have come true because i understand people very well ( only talking about my family and my city ) in another city it might be better. And if i don’t feel like doing anything still i should get up and do things.( regarding this give me a good or deep answer that will only help me to move)

I can’t live a single day of my life without thinking about death. Media, conversation, and even just seeing an old person just triggers this thought that one day when I grow old, everything I’ve ever experienced will just be taken from me. In turn, I have so much anxiety when it comes to health and every little pain or discomfort has me googling the symptoms. I don’t know how to handle this but it’s gotten so bad

So I’m almost at the end of the process of switching over from one medication to another and I’m noticing old habits from years ago and old thought loops from years ago are coming back, but I don’t understand why. Yes, they make me feel uncomfortable, but I also know that I’m fine now, i’ve been doing ERP and facing my fears, so these thoughts shouldn’t happen should they? And when they keep coming up, they make my more emotional side feel scared, but it doesn’t completely take me over like at once instead letting my rational side and keeping myself calm as a cucumber. I make it frustrating initially, but instead of scolding myself and beating myself up for having these thoughts, I just acknowledge what I’m feeling and try to find the reason as to why they’re popping up, because my OCD does get more active during stressful situations, I basically see it as my 21 year-old self comforting my high school self who still feels scared/traumatized by what triggered my OCD in the first place. I just want to know that if people switching from one medication to the other experience older symptoms popping back up. I’m switching from Extalopram to Fluvoxamine BTW (I know I misspelled those in some form.)

Anyone else’s OCD make them just think back to the past and wish things went different? I’m regretting college but I just started, but I don’t know what else to do with my life because what I ACTUALLY want isn’t a suitable career or a guarantee. I already feel like a cheater and that I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m not actually learning, it’s too much and I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s making me miserable. Why didn’t I do things differently and maybe I’d be somewhere else. I don’t even want to be a teacher, I don’t know what to do. Advice would be appreciated.

my bf is on vacation with his friend. its 23:22 and he didnt Text me for hours and it makes me so exteemly nervous. my mind instantly goes to hes cheating, hes getting drunk and doing whatever stuff to other women im legit panicing. i dont want reassurance but Tips in how to not crash out generally ajdkskkoyösnem

Haiii guys! I’m baaackkk!!! Good afternoon, I wish ya’ll the best weekend! *hugs* 🤗 *mwah, mwah, mwah* I’ve tried posting about loneliness here before, but unfortunately some of my previous posts were (I think) removed because I mentioned some heavier topics. (about sh) even though I put trigger warning. It shows that I have 6 posts (including this one) While I actually have 9. I completely understand that there are community guidelines around that, so I wanted to try reaching out again in a way that focuses specifically on loneliness and friendship. ❤️ Lately I’ve been feeling really lonely outside of school. I do have a few classmates like 3 I talk to during the school day, and I’m genuinely grateful for them, but once I leave school, it feels like I’m alone again. We don’t talk outside school unless its about homework or projects. I think what I’m missing most is having people I can genuinely call friends. People I can talk to regularly, share little things with, laugh with, or simply know are there. I don’t necessarily need a huge friend group. Even one or two genuine friendships would mean a lot to me. OCD can already make everyday life feel exhausting, and I think the loneliness sometimes makes everything feel heavier and worsen the symptoms. At the same time, I know I’m still trying. I’m going to school, talking to people, participating in class, and slowly trying to become more comfortable around others. I’m hoping that as the school year continues, I’ll have more opportunities to connect with people naturally. I do in fact talk to random people at school and compliment them but we don’t actually became friends, like I talk to them once and never again. If anyone else has dealt with feeling lonely even when they technically have people around them, I’d really love to hear how you handled it. What helped you make genuine friendships or feel less alone? I need suggestions and recommendations. I unfortunately not allowed to have social media especially with my cyberphobia and Surveillance OCD type. But If y’all can recommend me some apps that are not as popular or well known but are safe socials, let me know! I wish I could make friends in there my age because this is the right community for me where I actually belong and that I can relate and every-time I read y’all stories it makes me feel less alone. My HelpLine suggested me to find OCD communities because it will help with my loneliness and she was right. I’m not looking for reassurance about OCD or anything like that. I mostly just wanted a place to say, “Hey, I’m here, I’m trying, and I wish I had more people in my life.” ❤️ I also got into an argument with someone recently and it also affected me a lot, i got harassed, bullied, sweared, made fun of for this exact reason but I don’t think this is the right place to post. If you guys want story time I will share in the replies Anyways this is all for now, If I need to add more I will add in the replies or make another post. Baiii guysss!!! Have a great weekend! 🤗

Recently been feeling really down about the future and about the way the world is going. Lots of things that I used to enjoy reading about such as politics have made me feel really upset and have caused obsessions which I’ve naturally been researching all about… Similarly the depressing news about AI this week has really spiked my OCD and I’m really struggling not to compulsively research. The difficulty I find is that because it is a real life thing, it’s hard to just say, oh it’s my OCD it’s irrational. I don’t think it is unreasonable to be scared about the way things are going, yet I know that OCD plays a part in how anxious it makes me. Just wanted to see if anybody else is feeling the same and if so, what has helped?

Last night I laid in bed and sobbed in the fetal position while my husband held me. I go throughout the day trying to be positive, but it feels so forced and I fall flat. I have been putting so much pressure on myself to do the exposures correctly that I feel like it’s being sabotaged. I go about my day, go to work, run errands, socialize, but it doesn’t feel the same way it used to. I feel like I am spectator in a world passing by me. Like an imposter like I don’t deserve to move on. I grieve that I have OCD as I am sure a lot of people with OCD do. I want all of this to go away and I can’t fully accept that this is my life, but I try to hold onto glimmers of hope that maybe it gets better because it has to get better. This flare has been so painful. My family is who I am pushing forward for everyday. I hate waking up in the morning knowing that I have to face this daily. Additionally, I feel like everything is a compulsion and my mind is so noisy all the time. I have always had random song lyrics on loop and I am a thinker by nature. I would not wish this on literally anyone. I am really working on giving myself compassion, but that even feels fake. No one can save me but me. There is no easy fix, but through.

One thing I have struggled with ( and too very badly) that too from starting that according to me I don’t think i have a strong mind. For example if anyone says anything to someone they don’t get anxious hyper aroused or sad like me. Now in my situation if I give an opinion and very easily people give their opinions and I am not able to counter that I stop there because i feel both very bad and then my questioning nature starts to work that I don’t have the answer to this right now but I am not even convinced with her answer as well so I go deep as per my ability to find what’s the reason and that helped to actually go deep and things are deep nuanced not black and white. But my problem is if I can’t say something in response to what other person has said I can’t sit with that . Because people believes who wins is actually the one speaking right. Anybody gives opinion and I don’t feel right I dug deep. That has given me wisdom but has made me exhausted that now i have stopped self care. I don’t feel like going outside i don’t feel like meeting people. But this is not something new this was my situation since childhood. So now puzzle pieces are there— anxiety ,mental compulsions ,wisdom want to go deep so curiosity is there but chronic anxiety ruined everything that now i want to run away somewhere where there is quietness. I hate loud noise but in our home everyone is on phone and they listens at a bit high volume so how many times I’ll tell them to reduce the volume after some time they also say I am not going to do it do whatever you want. Maturity is in realising that they haven’t gone through what I am going through so definitely they will find my statements irritating or senseless. I am really done I am not seeing any hope and therapy I cannot afford. How much I can pay I have done but even if I get a therapist the will to change only is not there. How to develop that will??

So I’m in a relationship currently, my longest one yet coming up to two years. I’m so in love but unfortunately he said he struggles to deal with me as a person. This is because of my relationship ocd and how it affects me he’s agreed to give me another chance to show I can change, but I struggle massively please can anyone give me advice ? I don’t want to loose him as I don’t know where that would take me mentally. My current issues are as followed: * “Are you annoyed with me?” * “Are we okay?” * “Do you still love me?” * “Why did you reply like that?” * “Are you talking to someone else?” * “Are you sure you don’t want to leave?” I can’t stop sometimes even though I know there isn’t anything wrong and it’s happened twice now where he wants to leave and this time I know it’s on egg shells , please help me anyone

I’m curious about good ERP strategies. I have been dealing with harm OCD for several months. Just tried going on Zoloft and experienced such strong anxiety and surge in intrusive thoughts that I went back off. I feel better these days and am trying to do ERP as best I can. (I know, I know, an OCD trained therapist would help me but no insurance…) anyway- I’m looking for good exposures that will help. I’ve been doing some imaginal scripts- mentally creating a scenario in which my fears come true. I have been reading scripts in the book Overcome Harm OCD by Jon Hershfield. I felt sort of used to those so figured it was time to move to the next level so I tried writing one the other day and interestingly, it didn’t give me anxiety or fear like reading the ones in the book did. I felt some type of distress, though, because it made me cry. And it definitely was unpleasant because I wanted to be done with that exposure and couldn’t wait to tear it up and get rid of it. (This was suggested in the book and as my harm ocd is mostly about my children it made sense to not leave that lying around.) So not sure if that was maybe too much and I need to wait before trying again? Another one I’m not sure about is reading news articles about the Clancy case. I have found that very triggering of course. Sometimes I want to read all about it, to make sure I won’t be like that, I think. If I come across headlines I read them but don’t actually click on the article because I know the ruminating and analyzing it will bring on. And it seems a lot like researching my fears, which obviously is a compulsion. But then, if I fear being like her, shouldn’t I face that fear? I’ve read that a good exposure for harm OCD is to read news articles about people doing harm. So I don’t know, I really want some effective exposures and obviously am overthinking about this potential one so any tips would be welcome!