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supposed to be Starting zoloft tonight and feeling very hopeful for it to help with OCD. But i’m afraid it’s going to cause me low libido. (female btw) and my dose will be 25mg. this is one of the main reasons i didn’t wanna take meds for ocd but i got desperate so. Let me know please :)

Semantics matter. Please understand going into this post, I am not particularly upset about this, it's just an observation I've had over the years and am curious if anyone else feels the same. The word "compulsion" has multiple implications inOCD. Sometimes, the compulsion is strong enough that it just happens without thought. But, often, I find myself weighing the options of doing the compulsion or not doing the compulsion and deciding that doing it is easier, even if it takes extra time. What's 5 minutes, you know? I'm not sure that compulsion is the best word for this feeling, since to some degree, it is a conscious decision to not resist it in that moment. I would even argue that sometimes it is necessary to prioritize which compulsion to address first. I've absolutely consciously allowed myself to partake in less harmful/disruptive compulsions, while trying to address more severe/important ones. Another term I hear a lot within the therapeutic context is this concept of "life or death" when referring to the feeling that comes with needing to do a compulsion. Perhaps I'm being too literal, but this phrasing feels too alarmist and almost like mockery to me. I know, in the front of my conscienceness that whatever the fear is will not be the end of the world, but that doesn't make it easier to resist the compulsion and it doesn't reduce the anxiety. Understanding it logically does not stop OCD. Do you agree or disagree with my reaction to these words? Are there any other terms or phrases that bother you?

It used to feel like OCD but now my mind is telling me I truly want to be trans and always have and that the relief I feel when imagining being trans is all the certainty I need. I don’t want to be trans and don’t feel an internal pull toward being a different gender, but I’ve been ruminating for so long that now it feels like trans people’s stories are the only stories I can relate to. I don’t actually want to be a man, but rather just want to feel connected to my feminine body without constantly comparing myself and checking to see if I feel authentic enough. It feels like my brain is gaslighting me and I now am experiencing strong urges and discomfort with my female pronouns that I never felt before. I’ve had a fear of being lesbian/trans for a long time because I know it would blow up my whole life and I already have such a strong fear of being socially rejected. I’ve now isolated myself for so long though to avoid triggers and it feels like I’ve just been hyperaware of this my whole life and all the guys I ever used to like were fake. It’s like my mind is forcing me to see everything through the lens of a man now and like I never truly felt accepted because I wanted the guys I was with to see me as a man, but I don’t want that. It feels like I’m stuck in a state of permanent dissociation and that I will never feel relief until I accept this truth and change my life to align with my mental space. It feels like I’ve been running from the truth and have so much certainty that THIS is what will finally make all my other intrusive thoughts go away and allow my mind to be at rest. I desperately want the relief of knowing why I’ve always felt different and inadequate as a woman, but at the end of the day, I still wish to just be more comfortable in the body I have and not compare myself to other more conventionally attractive women. The more I ruminate and read trans stories, the more I feel like I’m experiencing true dysphoria and have been afraid my whole life because it’s always been true and I’m suppressing it. It feels like I’ve realized something that I can’t undo and that I’ll never be able to remain a woman now. I don’t actually wish to change my body or become more masculine presenting because I do still enjoy feminine hobbies and looking like a woman, I just feel discomfort with the way women are sexualized. I wish I could just let this all go and realize that this is all my mind trying to force me into being certain about being trans because a normal cis woman wouldn’t experience this constant self doubt, even though it didn’t use to feel gender related at all. I would so much rather just be comfortable in potential bisexuality or even being gay, but when I imagine that now my mind tells me that I am a gay man. I don’t want this, I just want to escape from the nightmare in my head.

At this point I really don’t know if this is ROCD or not. I love my boyfriend, I feel safe with him, I feel happy with him, I feel myself with him. But I constantly ask myself whether I like his physical appearance or not, I try to picture us together in my head to see if he looks good for me or not, and that if I had someone who looks like “X”- has certain features, it would suit me more. But if he was the one, wouldn’t I just feel it, and feel that he’s my soulmate? Shouldn’t I feel that my love for him is enough that I see him perfect in my eyes? (Now I know these are typical questions that someone with OCD would ask, but they are real questions! No?)

I am not sure if i have ocd as i am not diagnosed but i know I do obsess over morality. E.g. I once had to perform something I felt was culturally insensitive for an exam (there was like 5 people in the audience and none were offended or hurt by it) and it made me physically ill for weeks after due to stress and feeling evil. I frequently obsess over the idea I might one day have to do jury service and that also really upsets me. I also get “taboo” thoughts that cause varying levels of distress. Unlike some people I have never worried I secretly enjoy these thoughts, however having them at all or having any accompanying physical symptoms makes me feel like that makes me just as bad. I can’t watch anything psychological as I am afraid of becoming insane or having my mind altered. I also LOVE video games but I cant play story choice games in case i make a bad or mean choice accidentally because I worry that impacts my worth as a person even though I know its not real. I am not worried I have hurt a real person just that I know I could have done if it was real. Anyway my question is how do i work on my own sense of inner confidence? I feel like my whole sense of worth is based on whether people think im a good person or not. And if they do my brain is like yeah but if they knew about *insert ocd theme* their opinion would change. My last bit of confusion is that because a lot of mine are mental. I’m not sure what my exact compulsions are so i dont know what to stop doing. Except rumination i definitely do. Also in the video game context i will never play the game again (avoidance?) or i will reload a really old save and play it all again to make the character “happy” i cant do anything else until this is complete. I do google a lot and scroll. I also have a checking physical sensations one sometimes related to intrusive thoughts but i dont know how to stop this because its like immediate. I also have a compulsion where i have to empty my bladder even when its not full. When i was younger i would tell on myself to adults for often seemingly minor things (confessing something i felt i had done wrong) teachers found this odd. I once cried after swearing in a room no one else was in (also as a kid) because i felt so bad. Sorry this is so lengthy. This is the first time i have admitted that i could have ocd to anyone other than my family and a couple of very close friends. I have attempted to do this in a way where I am not compulsively confessing every detail but I am still new to posting on here. If anyone has any general or vague suggestions that would be great as I need a bit more confidence before trying something like therapy. Also if anyone has struggled with morality obsessions or has overcome them it would be nice to know 🩷 (I just put a trigger warning because I’m not sure what triggers people have) I’ve edited this like 4 times idk if that can be ocd too or whether that is just perfectionism but yeah

My therapist was NOT kidding, these backdoor spikes are CRAZYY!!! I noticed a vein was more prominent on one side of my chest than the other and man it’s sent me spiraling! Trying my hardest to resist compulsions and carry on with my day!

Does anyone else get bad intrusive urges along with their intrusive thoughts?? I feel so alone!

I can’t do anything I am so stuck some days I can’t even leave my bed till 4 pm I can’t focus on school and I want to but I can’t I haven’t been able to since I was a kid I just started getting medications for adhd and I still feel so stuck and my ocd is getting bad again and i genuinely don’t know how to go on living like this i genuinely cannot do anything I want to so bad but I can’t I’m 19 and I don’t have my lisence im failing community college and I’m genuinely such a loser and it’s all my fault i genuinely can’t do anything and I don’t know how to get better I’ve trued medication I’ve tried therapy I’ve tried exposure therapy I don’t know what to do anymore

I have been in a relationship for about 10 months now, I do not feel like I love him. I dont believe he loves me. Its long distance. We have had many arguments and not much honeymoon cuteness recently. I dont feel stable or seen or heard. I need signs if there are any to tell if I should leave the relationship to work on myself and ocd or stay because he knows about it and isnt shaming me for it. I cant tell if I feel genuinely distressed and only have enough feelings for a friendship and want to break up and if im only staying because I fear starting over or the next one breaking my heart idk. I cant tell if all this fear is just ocd trying to kill off a good thing or if im just stupid and not mature enough to handle conflict without thinking we should break up. I really dont know how I feel anymore and I dont know if leaving would help me just focus on me or hurt me even more losing him. Im scared and no one knows im even in a relationship because this is my first one and idk what im doing. I just want to figure out if its my fault or not, if ive lost romantic feelings and stay for the few benefits or if ocd is genuinely ripping my mind apart with fear.

Did anyone had weird experiences with their cousins when you were younger? I remember having this weird experience with my F cousing when we were both 13, and it's eating me alive with guilt and I just feel like I shouldn't exist

Was supposed to go back to work today after 2 months on med leave (work in healthcare with contamination ocd) i broke down and i couldn’t do it. I’m trying to see if i can work up the courage to go to work tomorrow :/ i’m very sad i feel so horrible about myself and I love my job but my ocd is so bad i just feel like i can’t do it i feel so weak. does anyone relate?

I feel like my brain doesn’t function properly anymore. I used to be so smart. I had a 4.0 in college, I was president of a student organization, I interned at an ivy league. I genuinely felt smart and motivated to excel. Now I just feel like an idiot. I have no drive. I make small mistakes all the time. I feel like I can’t form a complete sentence without stumbling over my words. Thoughts get all jumbled in my head. It makes me wonder if there’s something seriously wrong with me like a brain tumor or early Alzheimer’s. I used to pride myself on being decently intelligent but now I just feel sad. Anyone relate?

No one warned me that after six years of extreme ocd that when the anxiety settled you’d have backdoor spikes, exhaustion, and numbness like no other.

Ever since I was a child I have had these experiences that I can’t explain. I’ll have these random moments where I’ll be in the vicinity of a person that just causes me discomfort for some unknown reason… like I’ll see their face and it will just cause me anxiety and discomfort? And I’ll just feel like something horrible is going to happen? It’s difficult to explain and I feel like I sound crazy 😅 but does anyone else know what I’m talking about? I’ve never known what it is or where it comes from but I’m now thinking maybe it’s an OCD thing? Extra points if someone knows what subtype 😂 (I’m kidding about the points thing btw)

So I have pretty bad false memory OCD but this feels like it’s real. I got married a few weekends ago and it was so much fun. I drank more than I usually do as it was the only thing keeping me up after an hour of sleep the night before. I don’t remember all the details towards the end but know the general idea of what happened which I’m sad about because again I don’t get like that anymore. I don’t remember exactly when this memory came to mind but I know it wasn’t immediately after. I think maybe a few days to a week? Anyhow I somehow envisioned a memory of me sleeping with my husband’s friend in the bathroom. I’ve NEVER fantasized about this guy before as I barely even knew him. He was TRASHED but I somehow think we snuck into the bathroom real quick and hooked up. My husband and I both confronted trusted friends about this and they both said absolutely not but to me I’m thinking well even if we left for a minute and kissed. Idk it’s bad. Anyhow we were looking at photos from the photographer and there’s one of me hugging his friend and it’s driving me crazy and confirming everything. Like of all 150 people there’s me hugging maybe 2 people and he’s one of them?! I saw this photo after the memory. I am distressed and don’t know how to calm down.

I’ve had Harm OCD for a few months, it was pretty much on set. Lately my intrusive thoughts are like “You want to” or “I want to” and each time, I get anxiety in my stomach and feel like I’m gonna cry or just break down. I don’t know if it’s OCD or not but it’s making me so sad because I’ve NEVER harmed anyone but these thoughts are scaring me and making me feel guilty and like I’m a monster deep inside. Does anyone else have these thoughts or is it really only me?

Im new to this and I know OCD has many themes and majority I can handle. I have been dating my partner for 7 years and it has attached to my relationship of my questioning it. When I go out in public I seem to (without even realizing) I’m checking people out and comparing. I don’t even know if I should call it “checking out” or just looking around and noticing. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Want to know if anyone can relate. Have you ever had someone who minimized how bad you were feeling. You tell them and they reply with “just pray” or “just get up outta bed and start your day and you’ll be fine”. “Just gotta think positive”. For a long time I had that attitude too. Just keep going and I’ll be fine. For the first time I understand what it’s like to do what you can but still be down in the dumps for months. Comments are appreciated.

It’s the start of spring, and that comes with many things. Allergies of course, but headaches? At some point about a week ago, I started to notice a headache, which I believe was coming from the forehead. I assumed it was sinuses. Almost a week has passed, and I notice that I tend to feel these slight sensations that would be full on headaches had they not lasted for less than a second. It might happen when I look over to my side, or just out of nowhere. I assume it’s stress and the ever changing weather, as Buffalo is certainly not known for consistent weather. The problem is that they drive me crazy, which is just because the OCD part of my brain steps in and says “What could it be? Maybe it’s something serious, maybe you’re dying and you don’t even know it.” I’m not looking for reassurance, I’m just venting here. Therapist’s orders want me to not look anything up if it’s trying to calm down OCD thoughts, so I’m really trying to listen to him. Sometimes, it scares me and makes me frustrated that I can’t look it up.

Does anyone else have such vivid dreams you have a hard time realizing you're safe when you wake up? I've always woken up sobbing since I was a child, but it used to be once every couple of years. In the last 2-3 years my husband is having to wake me up from either hyperventilating or physically crying in my dreams multiple times a month. I wake up covered in tears or gasping for air and it takes time to come down from it even once I realize I'm safe and it was just a dream. This is becoming way more frequent and I don't know if its an anxiety thing, OCD thing or just a thing. (I do not have Obstructive Sleep Apnea). This is one thing that really bothers me.