Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Looking for help, im going through a really scary time. Im having severe dissociation/derealization/depersonalization.

Hello, NOCD. I’m reaching out again because I’m 16 years old and I’ve been struggling with OCD for quite some time. I have received an OCD diagnosis, but unfortunately, accessing consistent treatment has been difficult for me. My OCD has several paranoia themes, particularly fears surrounding surveillance, being watched or listened to, and losing my privacy. These obsessions have affected my everyday life, including using my phone, wearing makeup, eyelashes, accessories, getting ready for school, and feeling comfortable in my own surroundings. Recently, my symptoms have become significantly more intense following a difficult breakup. My ex-boyfriend previously screenshotted private conversations and shared them with people who had bullied me in the past and who are also a cause of my OCD. Since our breakup and his blocking me, my OCD has started connecting those experiences with new fears that he might somehow be watching me, accessing my phone or monitoring everything I do. I recognize that these fears can be part of my paranoia OCD, but they are extremely distressing and difficult to manage. I’ve also experienced obsessions involving checking, losing belongings, repeatedly seeking certainty and feeling unable to leave situations without checking things again. My symptoms affect me emotionally and physically. Today, I’ve experienced intense anxiety, panic attacks, psychosis, failed attempts, uncontrollable crying, shaking, severe headaches, sleep difficulties (especially paradoxical insomnia) and significant disruption to my daily routine and school attendance. One of my biggest difficulties and regret is that I currently have very limited access to professional mental health care because of my parents’ restrictions and financial circumstances. I feel like I’ve been trying to manage everything independently, even when my symptoms become overwhelming. I do have a school counselor, but they’re not specialized in my disorder. All they told me is that there’s a possibility I might have a second diagnosis too like PTSD from my past cyberbullying which probably caused this specific paranoia theme and cyberphobia. I’m particularly interested in evidence-based OCD treatment, especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). I want to learn how to manage my obsessions, reduce compulsions, tolerate uncertainty and gradually return to living my life without constantly feeling controlled by OCD. I would really appreciate information about whether NOCD offers support for someone my age, what options are available for minors, and whether there are any financial assistance programs or alternative resources. I’m genuinely looking for help. I don’t want OCD to continue taking away more parts of my everyday life. Thank you for taking the time to read my message. I’m trying my best… :(

Nd mental checking are giving me horrible tension headaches, painkillers are not working at all. Anyone please help and give me advice either medication to consider or tricks and techniques to reduce mental checking and rechecking😭😭😭

I was diagnosed with OCD at age 12, 30 years later im still managing my OCD and living my life. When I was younger I would keep my anxiety and subsequently my OCD hidden from others. I hate saying "back then" because it makes me sound old lol, but you didn't mention to others if you had mental health issues and you definitely didn't mention that you were on medication because it wasnt widely talked about. Now that im an adult and have much experience living with OCD, I openly talk about it. I figure the more its talked about the more people can be helped. So back to my subject line, "Describing OCD to Others". How do you go about describing your OCD to others? (if you chose too) I use the following analogy, "Put on a set of headphones, that you cant remove, and play your most hated song on repeat all day". Interested to how others describe their OCD, again only if you choose too.

Hi everyone -- I am new here, and relatively new to ROCD and ERP. I was diagnosed earlier this year. I have been married for 12 years and with my husband for 17 years. We have 2 beautiful children and, overall, I am very lucky. I am experiencing a really painful OCD loop right now. I am just hoping for support, not reassurance or anything, per the guidelines and because I obviously don't want to feed the OCD monster. This loop has to do with my husband's best friend. I have actually known his friend for as long as I've known him, because we literally met the same night. My husband and I had an instant connection, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I've always felt chemistry with his friend as well. It's frustrating because I will be totally fine and happy in my life (although maybe battling other ROCD/mental health stuff), and then I'll see him a couple of times a year or whatever and the crush will creep in again. He is also now married with kids. Him and his wife, another couple, and my husband and I are all good friends. And I really like his wife. We are friends. In fact, the 6 of us just went on vacation together. I knew seeing him would be a trigger for me so I actually prepared for it with my therapist. I was feeling really good the first two days of the trip and handling it well. But then, he got me 1:1 late one night, after drinking, and brought up an intimate emotional topic with me. We talked for 1.5 hours. I finally said we had to go to bed...setting the boundary. The next day, he made several sexual comments towards me and, later that evening and the next day, started acting kind of irritated towards me and making some mean-spirited comments. My husband was around for that and I am honestly not sure if he noticed. He was dealing with some anxiety himself and I was simultaneously hyperaware and ruminating a bit on him as well. I don't know what's going on in this other guy's head, and I can't know. But I am furious that he triggered my loop when I was so prepared. We are home now and I have been practicing ERP the past couple of days and trying not to spiral. But it's given me that constant feeling of dread. I have always wondered "what if?" with him, and this is just feeding that. I am really proud of myself for setting a boundary. Anyway, you can probably see why this has become such a sticky thought for me. I'm working on allowing the uncertainty around this experience to exist without analyzing what it means about him, me, or my marriage. It's really uncomfortable, especially because there are genuine emotions involved. I'm not looking for anyone to interpret his behavior or tell me what my feelings mean. I'd just love to connect with others who have navigated similarly complicated triggers while practicing ERP. How do you approach accepting uncertainty when a trigger involves a real-life interaction rather than just an intrusive thought? I have therapy on Monday, thank goodness.

Hi everyone this is my first post so not sure how it goes. I find that i’m struggling with the “hardest to deal with” subtypes. I have existential, harm, pure o, and deal with dissociation. Has anyone else dealt with all of these and had it all been mental compulsions? I’m struggling on a daily basis and staying in the moment and not spending the whole day in my head.

This is my first time in my life recognizing that what I’ve been dealing with is more than just anxiety. I feel a sense of hope that there is a name for what’s going on. But I’m not going to lie, I’m also feeling a little overwhelmed. I have my first session on Monday. It gives me some comfort that there is a community on here of other people going through the same thing.

I feel like the intensity of the OCD compulsions are directly proportional to the core fear. It's the "what if" boogeyman of it. OCD says "What if you don't do this compulsion, where would that leave you? In a place of uncertainty!! Ahhhh!! That's not good right? This particular theme MUST be dealt with! Just do this quick compulsion, it's way easier. Plus, if you don't do this compulsion RIGHT NOW, you're gonna feel like crap for the rest of the day." Humans natural behavior is to take the path of least resistance. That's what OCD is. Keep doing those compulsions and get that short-term relief. This is why I don't know if I agree that "the theme doesn't matter, it's all just OCD." Yeah that may be true that OCD is the main driver behind it all, but I think there definitely is something to each specific theme. If someone feels like a theme is significant - or if it actually is a serious open question - I think that's gonna drive the OCD much more to feel like you NEED / MUST "deal" with that particular thing. **trigger warning** For example, there's a difference between some of these OCD themes that are 99% devoid of any real-world threat i.e. - "If I don't wash my hands 10x right now my entire family is gonna get AIDS," etc." -- 99% unrealistic. vs. "Did I run over my neighbor's dog on my way home?" or something. I'd say that's an open-question that probably SHOULD be ruminated on / addressed / made certain. You can't just go "oh well OCD therapy said I shouldn't care about certainty" for EVERYTHING. I feel like EACH THEME should have a specialized type of therapy plan and advice shouldn't be one-size fits all. And that each theme's level of intensity is going be directly proportional to the level of what the core fear is and how plausible that core fear would be for anyone without OCD.

Today, I took the first difficult step I've taken in two years: starting medication. It was not easy at all. I went to a doctor I work with at the same clinic, and making this decision was incredibly difficult. My OCD kept telling me things like, "What will the doctor think of you if he finds out you have sexual OCD?" and similar thoughts. It was a real struggle. I had never been fully comfortable with the idea of medication, but today I found myself facing a prescription and making a decision that took so much courage. After everything I've been through, I'm willing to give it a chance. We'll see how things go over the next month and whether I notice any improvement. Some of the doctor's questions triggered my OCD, too. However, he helped me understand that having desires as a natural part of life is completely normal, regardless of what my OCD tells me or how it tries to distort things. He explained that this doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me or that I should feel ashamed. He encouraged me to accept that I have natural desires and try not to give my OCD so much attention. The doctor prescribed medication, and I understand that when it comes to Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), you need to face your fears rather than avoid them. I believe that combining medication with guidance from my CBT therapist, whom I see online, might help me make further progress. We'll see. Something else I've noticed recently is that I've started accepting the fact that I have OCD. It doesn't make me any less of a person. I am still who I am, and my values are still my values. Sometimes, though, I wonder whether what I did was the right decision. Perhaps I could have faced this on my own, but I've tried so many times, and I had never talked about it openly with anyone. I still experience doubt, and I don't know how to make sense of it. Maybe I need to accept that I don't have to be certain. Another thing is that my experience with OCD has helped me develop many aspects of my personality and made me stronger in different ways. I've also been through some difficult experiences this year. I remember that during the first year of my OCD, I actually stopped attending university and barely left the house. But gradually, I started finding the courage to put myself in challenging situations. I began going out again, working, returning to university, and slowly breaking free from the cycle of staying at home and avoiding the outside world. However, I still have another journey ahead of me: building a life that isn't necessarily free of OCD, but one in which OCD can exist without controlling or interfering with my life. I still don't have certainty about anything. I don't know whether I made the right decisions, what comes next, or whether I will recover. I don't know how things will turn out, especially with work, university, and my personal goals. But for now, I'm trying to move forward, one step at a time.

Okay.. I saw another post about this and I have to ask, is it actually a thing? This is gonna get pretty vulnerable but I am, surrounded by people who use the N word, a lot (most of them aren’t POC / overall cannot say it) and I feel like the word gets stuck in my mind and repeats over and over again. I’ve tried so hard to make it end but it’s been going on for the better part of over a year and I just kinda accepted that maybe I am truly this way. I don’t want to be, but what other explanation could there be? I always get so scared people are gonna see these things and judge, and perceive me as a bad person, but how much longer can I keep living like this? I cannot keep waking up every morning and thinking like this. I’ve distanced myself entirely from those friends as best as I can, but every time I do hangout with them, all they watch is racist videos and part of me always wonders if I’m just as bad as them.

As I’m watching TNF between the Giants and Commanders, I’m getting a feeling that I had gotten in the past, and that’s God telling me I shouldn’t follow sports. While watching a movie in my friends car about a month ago, I got a feeling that God told me that then when I was emotional watching the movie and now I’m worried that I’m losing interest in sports and that God is telling me that I shouldn’t follow sports and it’s killing me. Help…

i’m not talking about people who have pocd (i have it too.) i’m talking about pedophiles who try to act all friendly with us like we’re on the same side. i just saw an pocd info image with “MAP resources” at the bottom of the image. like that’s what it is or something. i hate them trying to get close to something they’re obviously not welcome in. i feel disgusted and like nobody will ever understand or comprehend what pocd ACTUALLY is. feeling hopeless about public perception.

21+ only Was looking for something safe on OF and kept getting triggered: Reported both accounts of someone who uploaded a video using objectifying language towards anime characters who are I believe underage, I didn't sub to them, the video was visible and not explicit but when I looked closer to read what it said I was triggered by them objectifying the characters by calling them babes and blocked and reported them. Had to report someone who's name was infantilising and their banner seemed like it was from something explicit and was animated and it didn't technically show anything apart from someone's skirt and tights and liquid pouring down their legs but I got really worried it was bad and kept accidentally glancing at it when I blocked them and OCD's being awful and twisting me opening it in new tab to block them and scroll past both so I wouldn't have to see it and to check other people. OCD trying to say I did something wrong when I blocked person what I'm sure was a screenshot from some explicit animation and could've been bad because I needed to find out if I had to block other people or if they could be safe and kept accidentally glancing at their banner in the process of blocking them and closing the tab and I mispoke when arguing with myself and OCD's being awful. OCD making me scared someone said something awful in safe video and I ignored it and did the compulsion and keep saying stop it to OCD being awful and it also made me scared about song being triggering in the beginning when I was itching and wiping and I had to rewind it to make sure that's not what they said even though I already knew that they didn't and I don't know what they are saying but it wasn't anything triggering/bad.

As per neuroscience you can rewire and repattern the brain In neuroscience, this capacity is known as neuroplasticity—the brain's lifelong ability to reorganize its structure, functions, and connections in response to experience, learning, or injury Plasticity is neutral (it works both ways): Your brain does not distinguish between "good" and "bad" patterns. Just as deliberate practice builds resilience or musical skill, chronic stress, rumination, or avoidance behaviors physically reinforce anxiety and chronic pain circuits (maladaptive neuroplasticity).” about the avoidance behavior reinforcing anxiety and chronic pain To your brain, survival always beats happiness. Neuroplasticity simply optimizes whatever pathways you use most frequently—whether they help you thrive or trap you in fear. Avoidance is one of the strongest drivers of this "maladaptive" wiring because it actively rewards and locks in your brain's alarm system. 1. The Reward Trap (Negative Reinforcement) When you face something that triggers anxiety or physical pain, your brain's threat detector—the amygdala—fires an alarm. If you immediately avoid the situation (canceling a social event, refusing to bend your back, leaving a crowded room), your anxiety or discomfort instantly drops.  Bullet What your brain learns: "That was a close call! Thank goodness we avoided it—that is the only reason we survived." Bullet The neural effect: That sudden wave of relief triggers a dopamine and reward-circuit response in the striatum. Because the brain rewards behaviors that keep you "safe," it physically strengthens the synaptic connection between Trigger → Fear → Avoidance.  2. Depriving the Brain of "Safety Data" (Blocked Extinction) To unlearn a fear or pain response, the prefrontal cortex (your logical, braking system) needs to gather new evidence that a situation is actually safe—a process called fear extinction. Avoidance robs your brain of this data:  Bullet In Anxiety: If you avoid driving on the highway because you fear a panic attack, you never experience driving on the highway without a catastrophe happening. The threat pathway never gets overwritten. Bullet In Chronic Pain: In acute injuries, avoiding movement protects healing tissue. However, long after tissue has healed, avoiding movement prevents the nervous system from recalibrating. The brain continues to treat normal, safe sensations as tissue damage—a state known as central sensitization, where the nervous system's "volume knob" stays stuck on high.  3. Overgeneralization (Shrinking Your World) As the avoidance circuit becomes more efficient through repeated firing, it begins to recruit neighboring neural networks—a process called avoidance generalization.  Bullet A fear of one specific crowded store expands to avoiding all public places. Bullet Avoiding lifting heavy boxes expands to fearing bending over to tie your shoes. Each time you pull back, the amygdala grows more hyper-reactive while the prefrontal cortex's ability to calm it down weakens.  How to Reverse the Loop Because plasticity works both ways, the exact same mechanism can dismantle these circuits through graded exposure (approaching the feared situation or movement in small, manageable doses without fleeing). Staying present long enough for the initial spike of anxiety or discomfort to naturally subside sends a new signal to the prefrontal cortex: "This is uncomfortable, not dangerous." Over time, that new safety pathway physically overtakes the old alarm circuit.

I have graphic mental images involving sexual themes with family members or children, and sometimes this triggers a feeling of arousal in my groin area. Honestly, it is very distressing; instead of just letting it pass, it presents itself as a compulsion—a need to imagine it again and "check."

I would like to ask a question about compulsions in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Can compulsions in OCD also be highly detailed, structured, and rule-based, similar to what I describe in my case? Or do compulsions generally need to be relatively simple and straightforward to be considered compulsions? To give you some context, I experienced distressing thoughts concerning my family and felt an urge to perform certain compulsive behaviors in order to “prevent” my family from going to hell. The text is somewhat lengthy. I hope you don't mind. One of my compulsions involved sitting on my bed in my room, taking off my right sock, and placing it next to me. While putting the sock back on, with my eyes open, I imagined myself in a dark environment with several candles burning in front of me, praying, crying, and mentally saying: “God, let my whole family go to hell.” I deliberately stopped just before finishing the sentence, for example: “God, let my whole family go to…” and then immediately mentally reversed the situation by internally expressing regret. This entire imagined process had to take place while I was putting my sock back on, not before or after. Once the sock was fully on and I experienced a certain internal feeling of “rightness,” the compulsion felt complete. However, since this feeling rarely occurred, I repeated the process many times. It is important to note that the compulsion I had been performing up until that point was relatively straightforward and neither rule-based nor systematic. Since I already knew the content of the compulsion – exactly what I needed to do – I would simply sit on my bed, imagine the process, and perform it directly, without establishing any specific rules beforehand or creating a structured process around it. Eventually, because the compulsion was not relieving my anxiety, I decided to switch to a more structured and rule-based version. I thought that if I established rules in advance, I might feel more in control and more certain, particularly regarding the desired outcome, namely that my family would not go to hell. In this rule-based version, the established rules generally applied exclusively to the compulsion I performed on my bed. This meant that, according to the rules I had established, the compulsion itself would still be considered valid even if I did not perform it thoroughly or completely. Before performing this rule-based behavior, I first prepared the environment in my room accordingly. More specifically, if I had performed this rule-based behavior without preparing the environment beforehand, all the actions and rules would have been considered invalid, and I would essentially have performed them for nothing. Therefore, preparing the environment was an essential part of the entire process. By preparing the environment, I mean, for example, placing my phone in the bottom-left corner of my pillow and positioning my charger, together with its cable, in a very specific way in the bottom-right corner. I also had to place a pen in the left corner of my desk and position my glasses directly next to it. Then I placed my phone directly above my glasses, with everything arranged in a very specific and precisely defined order. The position of my bedroom door was also predetermined: I had to leave it exactly halfway open. Closing it completely or opening it fully was not permitted. Likewise, I had to leave the window halfway open. In addition, I had to wear certain specific items of clothing that had been determined beforehand. Wearing random or arbitrarily chosen clothes was not acceptable. There were several other requirements of this kind that I had to fulfil before performing the actual compulsion. First, I positioned myself at a specific distance in front of my wardrobe, with my left foot forward and my right foot behind. I kept both arms straight at my sides. Then, when I placed my right foot next to my left foot so that both feet were parallel, I assumed a posture in which both hands were positioned straight in front of my body. I performed a specific hand movement so that, in the end, my feet remained parallel and my hands were extended straight in front of my body, with my fingertips pointing forward. After assuming this specific position, I looked at a particular spot on my carpet with my eyes open and then began silently reciting the sentences containing the rules internally, without speaking aloud or moving my lips. Internally, I said: “Today, here and in this room, now and later, I will perform a systematic and rule-based obsessive behavior. In order for the systematic and rule-based obsessive behavior to be carried out here, rules will be established.” I then said: “A new rule will be established: (content of the rule)” – followed by many additional rules. Every time I established a new rule internally, I would repeat to myself: “A new rule will be established,” and then formulate the content of that particular rule. Examples of such rules included: - “Regardless of how illogical the rules may be, I am still allowed to establish them.” - “The systematic and rule-based obsessive behavior performed here will cease to exist, be considered invalid, be terminated, and have no significance whatsoever.” - “All systematic and rule-based compulsive behaviors performed up until now, regardless of whether they consisted of one or two stages, such as sitting on the bed and looking at the floor, will have no significance, will be terminated, and will cease to exist. The systematic and rule-based obsessive behavior performed here will replace all previous systematic and rule-based compulsive behaviors.” In addition to these, I established many other rules. **My actual question is the following:** Based on what I have described, is it common in OCD for compulsions to be so highly structured and detailed? For example, is it possible for a person to first prepare their environment, assume a very specific physical position, and then internally establish various rules, where establishing the rules itself is not the actual compulsion, but rather serves the purpose of gaining greater control over the actual compulsion that is subsequently performed? In this way, the actual compulsion becomes much more structured and rule-based. The reason I am asking is the following: As you probably know, many people with OCD establish rules for their compulsions. However, when people do this, they generally seem to establish these rules in a relatively simple and straightforward way. In other words, they think of the rules and then immediately perform the compulsion, without first establishing the rules in such a highly structured manner as I have described in my case. I am simply curious about how you guys would interpret this phenomenon and would greatly appreciate it if you guys could share your opinion with me.

I’ve suspected that I have OCD for a little over a year now and it has gotten worse since then. I’ve had a few themes here and there but my main one that won’t go away is a taboo one. It’s constantly on my mind 24/7 and my brain is always either analyzing, ruminating, performing mental compulsions, or thinking about the OCD itself all day. The intensity has gone up ten fold since the last year and everyday just feels like I’m at war with my mind from the second I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. There’s some days where it’s calm and there’s other days where I’m like is this even OCD? I’m scared that this theme is just a part of me now and I will never be the same as I was 2+ years ago. I feel like I’m going crazy and my mind just won’t shut itself off. Since last year my quality of life has definitely changed and I cannot focus on school work or rest and I often just do the bare minimum everyday. I’m not currently in therapy or on any meds. Does anyone have any tips for now about how to navigate through this before seeing a therapist? Thank youuu!!! :)

only crying because it’s true. Why can’t I be normal

Hey guys! I’m still fairly new to the NOCD community and my OCD diagnosis. It’s only been right at a month. I’m currently on a mini vacation with my wife. It’s been very much needed. The room we’re staying in has a gas fireplace. I chose this room specifically for that, but now I’m regretting it. I woke up about an hour ago to what sounded like a popcorn noise coming from it. There’s also been a steady noise coming from it where the pilot light is on. We haven’t turned it on since we’ve been in the room. I called the front desk to ask about it and they said they would let maintenance know we wanted it looked at today. I realize now that I did the thing with the front desk lady where I seek reassurance by asking “it should be safe, though, right?” Of course she said yes, but now I’m wide awake and can’t stop the thoughts that there might be a gas or carbon monoxide leak. I’m also scared to open the door now because of the thought of an explosion if there is a gas leak. I don’t smell a gas, so I shouldn’t be having these irrational thoughts. I hate that I am having them while on our vacation. What advice can you give a newbie in this situation?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over six years. He said he’d propose by the end of this year, and it’s already November and there’s still no ring. I know there’s time left, but I’ve heard “soon” so many times that I feel embarrassed even bringing it up. I want it to feel right for him too, and he says he doesn’t feel pressured. I still hate feeling like I’m begging someone to marry me. He says he’s excited, and sometimes it feels like I’m the only one who’s frustrated that we’re still waiting. Then I start second guessing how much of that is my OCD and anxiety. I've been work in healthcare for 1.5 years, and he’s been working toward becoming a firefighter. He’s done volunteer firefighting, gone on EMT ride-alongs, gotten some certs, and worked in wildland firefighting for a bit before realizing it wasn’t for him. Getting his EMT certification is a big step toward getting hired by a city fire department here in California. Back in May, he told me it would take about two months. It’s November and he still doesn’t have it. He’s in tutoring now, and he says his tutor thinks he could take the exam in about two weeks. I can see he’s made progress, and I hope he gets there. I’m also tired of hearing “just a little longer.” When dates we’ve talked about come and go, it gets harder to trust the next timeline he gives me. I know he has a learning disorder and I have compassion for that but still. Between his career and getting engaged, it feels like it’s always wait, wait, wait. My sister and her husband have only been married about a year, and they moved back in with us because they couldn’t afford rent. They just told us they’re expecting their first baby, and my parents said they can stay here with the baby as long as they’re still actively looking for a place they can afford. I’m genuinely excited to be an aunt for the first time. I’m also already struggling to sleep and find time to decompress at home, so I’m stressed about what it’ll be like to have a baby in the house. I do understand where my boyfriend is coming from. We’ve always said that part of getting married, for us, is moving out of our parents’ homes and building a household of our own. He really wants us to have our own space and be able to afford to stay there. Seeing my sister and her husband struggle with rent and have to move back home makes me understand why he’s being careful. Neither of us wants to end up in that situation. I can see the logic in how he’s thinking about it, and I still get so frustrated because I just want to start our life together already. Honestly, part of me wants him to come rescue me. I could move out on my own, but rent would eat up a huge chunk of my paycheck, and I’m trying to pay down my student loans. Then I think about how much everything costs and suddenly I’m pissed at the economy, spiraling about Trump, and thinking everything is shit lol. What I really want is to come home to him and have a place that feels like ours. We’re trying to wait until marriage to move in together, and he feels more strongly about waiting than I do right now. Work takes so much out of me that some days even getting myself there feels like a lot. By the time I get home, I barely have the energy to keep up with the rest of my life. I think part of why I want him to rescue me is that I’m exhausted and want somewhere I can come home and breathe. On those days, it’s hard to tell how much of what I’m feeling is about the relationship and how much is everything else piling up. All my friends are married and have kids now. I’m happy for them, and I don’t want to compare, but hearing about their everyday lives reminds me how badly I want that too. And when someone asks, “So when are you guys getting engaged?” or reacts like, “Oh my God, six years?!” I feel embarrassed and replay it later. Do they think I’m stupid for waiting? Do they see something I’m missing? Then I start looking for reassurance. I ask him again if he’s still planning to propose this year, Google how long couples usually date before getting engaged, read threads about whether six years is a red flag, and keep watching proposal videos even though I know they can set me off. I’ll find a story about someone who waited longer and feel better for a minute. Then I see “if he wanted to, he would” in the comments and start searching all over again. We’ve talked over and over about money and where we are emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. On calmer days, I can understand why waiting might make sense. Even then, I still want to feel like we’re making a plan together. I love him and still want to marry him, and I’m scared I’ll keep waiting because leaving would hurt so much. I keep trying to figure out how much of this is relationship OCD and whether I’ve already been patient for a long time and need to consider leaving. I’ll imagine him proposing tomorrow and check whether I feel excited or resentful. Then I’ll imagine leaving and check whether I feel relieved or devastated. I can spend hours doing that, and afterward I’m just more exhausted. For anyone who’s dealt with relationship OCD while work and home already felt overwhelming, how did you know if it's your ocd or that you should leave?