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I'm 2005 and I'm 20. (info: people born in 2005 become 21 by the end of the year). I live in Italy, my country is not as strict and puritan about age gaps in dating culture like it is in America. But I'm very strict abt age gaps, because I was very invested in american culture and socials and cancel culture etc.. so much that I always got teased by my friends, for being obsessed about morality (but that was due to moral scrupolosity ocd). I'm not friends with them anymore because they did some nasty stuff but that's beside the point. I felt lots of disappointment when I learned about some very weird behaviour from people I thought were my friends. I would never date anyone younger than me more than 1 year, and even then I'd prefer if they were 20 like me. I never dated and I never had a sexual relationship with anybody. Still, there is one big mistake that keeps me awake. Around 2 weeks after becoming 19, during christmas of 2024, I looked at the bottom of a 2007 (2 year age gap). Since at the time I warmed up to the general consensus of the belief that 2007-2005 was normal, i looked at her bottom because it looked attractive and i normalised it. now i deeply regret it. im ashamed. Because 2 year age gap it's not an issue in Italy: my friends, and my female friends never found it an issue or controversy while I did. They would date around this 2 years age gap, and some are still in a relationship till this day. Some people even go to say that 3 years isn't wrong at all. (I once had a fight abt it because i couldn't fanthom the idea: I know it feels like im trying to sound like an all mighty good guy but that's genuinely how i feel, and maybe it is me trying to lessen the burden...). Since it was so normalised among my peers i found myself accepting that reality. I wish i never stared and allowed attraction. Because since I accepted that there was nothing wrong with it, it was an egosyntonic experience. in that moment when i noticed the bottom i thought something like "why are you afraid? it's 2007, it's just 2 years difference, you can look!" and i did and perceived attractiveness, i allowed myself to feel attraction to the bottom. i'd have never dated a 2007, and absolutely not remotely think abt anything sexual. i wouldn't even now in 2026, the 2 years age gap makes me uncomfortable. i fully regret looking now, when i remember it. but i literally had a different level of maturity, my moral scrupulosity wasn't as intense, and i literally thought there was nothing wrong with that since I learned culturally that it was ok. I guess it sounds like an excuse because it is. I'm deeply ashamed and I have no other words. I'm very triggered and distressed abt it and the worst part is that it is just my fault, it was an egosyntonic experience even though it isn't illegal in my country, legality was never synonym to morality.

Hi everyone ❤️ I wanted to ask a question and see if anyone else can relate. After every therapy session, I feel so emotionally and physically drained, especially after spending so much time crying. I have both PTSD and OCD, and working through everything can feel really overwhelming sometimes. Thankfully, I have a wonderful therapist who is helping me navigate this journey, and I’m so grateful for that. I know therapy is important and healing, but sometimes the emotional exhaustion afterward is a lot to handle. I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this and, if so, what helps you feel better after an especially emotional session. Do you have any activities, routines, or little things you do to comfort yourself and recharge afterward? Do you rest, take a walk, listen to music, journal, watch a comforting show, or do something else that helps you feel grounded? I would like to know what helps you or if you have any advice. I would really appreciate hearing your experiences and any suggestions you’re comfortable sharing. Sometimes it helps just knowing we aren’t alone in this. Sending love to everyone who is doing the hard work of healing. We’re trying our best, and that matters.

i feel like my OCD is unique. usually distraction is what helps people anxiety, dpdr, OCD, but my theme IS distraction almost. even if i do find my brain wandering off for a couple of minutes, i get aware of that and start thinking again. this has been going on for weeks now. at first there was thoughts like "stop being distracted, focus on the anxiety" then it lead to me constantly monitoring and checking if i am distracted causing the exact opposite and hyperawareness. what if im aware for the rest of my life, who could live like that? i am considering ERP + medication…but now im having thoughts like what if im treatment resistant since this is hyperawareness ? any advice?

This is for anyone for any subtype.. Just because the main objective of OCD is uncertainty and feeling comfortable of the uncomfortable unknown, that doesn't mean you can't still feel afraid. Starting with my personal worst, if you're struggling with taboo or problematic Subtypes, as well as Real Events, it's okay to feel scared out of your mind. Taboo Subtypes can get quickly disturbing and Real Events aren't fictional. NO average person would voluntarily choose to have those thoughts in their mind or get constantly reminded of things they might've done/DID do. By that, I'm talking about all ranges, from minor to more serious cases; Digital Footprint, sexual, physical actions, offensive sayings, embarrassing and cringe moments, etc etc... Whatever you've done, there are many people who have done things they shouldn't have and haven't thought about it since. My close people have done things that are deemed problematic, as well as peers I've known, and they don't think about it! They don't, but we do and even I freak out for my loved ones, I freak out for what may happen to all of us. But I mostly fear for/of myself, I believe I'm the most horrible one and it's maybe due to OCD, or it's maybe due to other reasons. Who knows. (A phrase that I really liked from when I watched a video from Chrissie Hodges was: "You don't have to accept the event or what you may have done, but try to accept the idea of moving on." I may have butchered it a little, but you get the jist. : )) "Well... I struggle with Health OCD, Contamination OCD, Symmetry OCD, etc and it's all irrational, I'm just not sure why I'm still so afraid and uncomfortable." This disorder is really complex, and I can assume that if we all listed our own Subtypes to each other, some would say "Oh that's not something I'm really struggling with, that's easier to handle compared to what I'm going through", while others would say "What? No, that subtype that (_) is dealing with is the worst of the worst. I can't deal with it any longer!!" And similar things. That shows how really manipulative and diverse this disorder is. To also mention, WHATEVER subtype any of you guys are greatly suffering with, it could range from well known to less, I can assure that I have likely had experiences with the subtype or even had a giant phase of it. You AREN'T alone. And I mean it, it all began at 8 years old and I wasn't prepared. I'll likely continue to mention it, but as a little girl who had to figure it all out on her own as well as do individual research and actions up to this current moment, I'm not lying when I say I have done some UNHINGED things caused by OCD itself. My first subtype was related to harm and morbid things, I went through some crazy fears accompanied with more common but equally scary subtypes, and all my life I have just thought and experienced all sorts of crazy themes, some which still stick today. There was so much trial and error within learning what this all even means, it's impossible to even section my experiences, my thoughts, and everything into simple sections. I'm still unsure on certain things to this day, and I'm obviously willing to learn. It's so messy and scary; OCD is more than just an anxiety disorder. Try to work on the uncertainty and fight for it, however also allow yourself to feel upset and express that pain. This disorder shouldn't feel fun, nor should you feel that you have to constantly stay strong 24/7. I haven't gotten better yet, I'm still farrrr from that level and I'm unsure how long it will take. Maybe in a few more years, maybe in my late 30's.. who knows. Honestly, in a sense I am kinda glad I have OCD. I may experience psychological torment daily, but it's at the expense of getting to meet this community and helping others. You don't have to feel the same way, we're all different. (You are doing great. 💜)

I have been in a limbo for so long and I’m stuck. I don’t want to keep living life with constant guilt, but the fear of dealing with any of the responsibility in my mind. I just shut down now and look for any source of dopamine or always moving, so I never have to think about morality or anything with consequence. But I don’t want to stay here I want to be able to have self control and stop gossip and stop lust and stop sinning, but everytime I think about that I get scared because I don’t know where my mind will take me. I’m just praying for help. And there’s many times where the facts that say I don’t have OCD come up and there’s the real scare. Because then I can’t blame anything I’ve done or am doing or any feelings I have on OCD and if that’s the case I really do have so much to deal with and that fear could be endless. But when I talk to my parents they think I’m doing better. Yeah I moved into an apartment, yeah I have a couple jobs, yeah I’m moving. But none of it is obedient it’s all trying to run away from responsibility in my mind. When my mom tells me she loves or when people try to encourage me, I just feel guilt because I’m doing so much wrong and I’m not changing. So maybe I don’t have OCD. Maybe it really just I am legalistic and controlled by fear. But trying to discern that is scary. Idk what to do. Idk how to live my life unless I just sin and never try to force myself to force obdeince, because my mind make me do a load of work that is excruciating. But I don’t want to stop work even thought it’s hard. I want to balance believing in grace vs making excuses I want to balance not being legalistic but not just giving into everything I want to be confident in my standing in the lord so I want to balance out believing in Christ and working my salvation out. I just do and sit and wait but I don’t memorize scripture I don’t try like I should. I just say “help Me” when I get overwhelmed or feel scared by any consequence or responsibility I feel. And then I just move really quickly so I don’t have to think. I keep blaming it on fear and ocd.

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, living a three-hour drive apart. about three weeks ago, everything was fine, except I was having doubts about my feelings for her due to the distance even though things went great whenever we saw each other on weekends. I’m not someone who misses people much; I don't really miss my family or friends, and I don't miss my girlfriend in that way either, though sometimes I wish she were there with me when I’m doing an activity, having a bad day, or feeling stressed. Sometimes I just want to be in her arms. Also, sometimes she wants eggs in the morning; I don't really feel like making them, but I do it anyway because I love seeing her happy and smiling. But since last Thursday, I feel like I don't love her—like I’m not looking forward to seeing her, yet at the same time, I am looking forward to it. I keep questioning whether I still love her. I spend my days online looking for signs of whether I love her or not; sometimes the feeling comes back and I want to see her, and I know deep down that I do love her. Also, this morning she called me by a nickname I like, and I smiled, but I didn't feel love or happiness :( The same thing happened when she said she was proud of me—I smiled proudly, but I didn't feel anything. Right now, I feel neutral about the fact that we’re seeing each other on Friday :( but I do want to be with her. I don't understand. I just got off a call with her and I was happy; I was asking about the exam she took and was genuinely interested. I don't get it :( I don't want to break up or realize that I don't love her and if you ask me i would take care of her if she sick etc i would take care of her directly but now i feel like every morning the first thing a think about is if i love her or not. i feel that each day i feel like when i call her i feel annoy by her even if i was the one that call her first or that i was happy to see her call me. like 1 week ago i thought about buying her a little surprise just like that because i want etc nd 2 day ago i was imagine life with her like together in our home and was happy and exciting because i would love to live with her and have our time appart and i feel like i dont love her each day :( and like i said sometime i have this moment of i dont know it like clarity and i feel like i know that i love her deep down TL;DR i feel like i dont love her anymore but at the same time i love her :( can it be fixed ? or not

i don’t know what to do. my parents are problematic and i feel extreme guilt whenever i go to them for comfort or confide in them at all. i don’t know if they’ve changed from this but i have memories of more specifically my mom saying remarks that are micro aggressions or just sometimes being straight up racist. i already know that my parents are transphobic and homophobic and say it’s because of their religion (and they’ve also excused genocide because of their religion.) i have confided in them in extreme ocd episodes and i feel bad for caring about them even though they’re this terrible thing. my mom herself even has history of verbal abuse with me and i don’t know what to think about it. the point is that they’re bad people and i feel terrible about not knowing how i should interact with these people who love and care for me so much. i’m 17 and probably won’t move out in a very long time since i have chronic fatigue, and i am very out of touch with the world. i have nobody to go to and from what i’ve seen probably no relatives that share the same viewpoints as me. i’ve been cutting off so many people recently and i don’t know if it’s wrong, but if i cut off every problematic person in my life who wouldn’t listen to reason i would be completely alone. i don’t know what to do and i just want an answer. everything i do feels wrong and i just want to do the right thing. i’m extremely isolated and interacting with anyone is problematic, even my parents, even myself. i just wish i knew what to do.

I have to talk about something that happened to me yesterday with people who can understand why it’s been traumatising to me. TW sexual content Yesterday I was at home, I was heading to the kitchen because I needed gloves. My father was in there like he usually is. I smelled something sweet, so I assumed he was baking, and I walked in. He was sitting at his usual seat at the table, and when I walked in he jerked, in a way that was immediately suspicious to me. But then he took down his phone, and I saw that he was watching… well, let’s just say something dirty. I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but it was a little bit traumatising to me for many reasons. First one, obviously, it would shock anyone to see their parent do something intimate, and I know it’s not fair but right now I can’t see him like I did before, and not because it’s wrong because it isn’t, it’s just that it’s something you do not expect a parent to do, even so if they are over 60 and pretty religious. Second one, it’s the fact he was doing it in the kitchen, a shared space, where I eat. My house has always been my safe place, a place where my compulsions related to contamination calmed just a little bit down, and now it’s not anymore. And I don’t have any place to go, and I have to continue sitting at that table in the kitchen without trouble because then my mom would ask me why I don’t wanna eat in the kitchen anymore and it’s really not my place to tell her what I saw. I don’t know what to do. It’s already a difficult moment for me, I’m depressed and trying my best to do the things I have to do everyday, one thing that made me feel better was the comfort of my house and I don’t have that anymore

I found a kitten on my street last week, and she was alone, so I decided to take her home. A few days ago, I noticed a missing-cat poster, and the kitten in the picture looked very similar to mine. However, there are some noticeable differences. My kitten has half of her face grey, while the cat in the poster has a white nose and a different fur pattern. The girl who posted the notice also said her missing cat is female, while my kitten is male. At first, I was worried that I might have taken someone’s cat, but the more I look at the pictures, the more I feel like they aren’t the same cat. The only real similarity is their fur colour. The problem is that some of my neighbours have commented on the girl’s post, saying that they saw the cat on our street. One of my neighbours also saw the kitten I took home before I brought her inside. When she saw the missing-cat poster, she said she had seen that cat on our street, even though the poster had apparently been up for about two weeks and she had seen the kitten I took home only a week ago. Now I’m scared that people will start asking around our street or come looking for the missing cat, and I’ll feel like I’m lying to everyone because I have a kitten at home who looks similar to the one they’re searching for. But I genuinely believe they’re two different cats. My family and everyone I’ve talked to have told me not to comment on the post because they don’t think it’s the same cat. Still, I can’t stop worrying that I’m somehow wrong, even though I have reasons to believe they’re different cats. I don’t know whether I should contact the girl just to make sure or leave it alone.

I found a kitten on my street last week, and she was alone, so I decided to take her home. A few days ago, I noticed a missing-cat poster, and the kitten in the picture looked very similar to mine. However, there are some noticeable differences. My kitten has half of her face grey, while the cat in the poster has a white nose and a different fur pattern. The girl who posted the notice also said her missing cat is female, while my kitten is male. At first, I was worried that I might have taken someone’s cat, but the more I look at the pictures, the more I feel like they aren’t the same cat. The only real similarity is their fur colour. The problem is that some of my neighbours have commented on the girl’s post, saying that they saw the cat on our street. One of my neighbours also saw the kitten I took home before I brought her inside. When she saw the missing-cat poster, she said she had seen that cat on our street, even though the poster had apparently been up for about two weeks and she had seen the kitten I took home only a week ago. Now I’m scared that people will start asking around our street or come looking for the missing cat, and I’ll feel like I’m lying to everyone because I have a kitten at home who looks similar to the one they’re searching for. But I genuinely believe they’re two different cats. My family and everyone I’ve talked to have told me not to comment on the post because they don’t think it’s the same cat. Still, I can’t stop worrying that I’m somehow wrong, even though I have reasons to believe they’re different cats. I don’t know whether I should contact the girl just to make sure or leave it alone.

Hey guys. I have this fear of losing control or going crazy and acting on my thoughts. Examples: I’m driving and get the thought to swerve and have an unsettling and uncomfortable urge to do so but I obviously know I wouldn’t. I’m near family and get the thought of hurting them, could be pushing, saying something mean or etc, and have a scary uncomfortable urge to do so though I know I wouldn’t do such a thing. So think if it was impulsive and it feels like you’ll do something even though you know you won’t. Or like you feel like you’ll lose control of your actions even though you won’t. It’s so scary and feels extremely real because I can see it in my head of me doing whatever it is, and it’s so scary. I hate it. Anyone else relate? And if so, can you explain what your situation was/is?

Hey you all, from August to early October I entered in the worst spiral I have ever experienced, it lead me to constant anxiety attacks, derealization, depression, etc. As I continue with ERP, I have def made progress in learning how to react to intrusive thoughts which has helped me feel at more control. However, in the back of my mind there is that fear of relapsing, I do not ever want to feel like how I did then. I also feel like because it took me a while to feel "normal" again, my brain is now wired to always think abt OCD and not recognize myself, at times I just feel numb. I am going to start medication too, does anyone want to share their experiences?

So many people get angry when someone does something horrible and finds success, saying that they don't deserve it and should be outcasted and shunned. How does this not apply to me? I actually did bad things, and they're not trivial in the slightest. Even though it was not a crime, in the eyes of many it's unforgivable. I was a teenager for most of it, but I took too long to stop and realize how bad everything truly was. None of these things have justification or excuses... it's was all selfish, abhorrent and disgusting. How can I even begin to think about my future when I already did so many unacceptable things in the past? It's like I'm hiding a graveyard of skeletons and it would be unfair of me to keep it hidden from potential friends, coworkers and communities. At this point I'm giving up on college and projects because it all would lead me to expose myself to the public, the same public that would otherwise despise me for my past. I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. Any help or advice is appreciated.

trigger warning for harassment i suppose ever since i was little i remember being on the recieving end of very sexual jokes or remarks or sometimes sexual imagery when i didn't want it, im 16 now and i still continue to get sexually harassed despite everything I try and do to stop it. it makes me feel like im too nice or i need to change something in my personality or ill have a intrusive thought that i wanted the attention i dont know why its always me being hurt, i know theres no answer to this but i find it hard to live with uncertainty. i want to make everyone happy and i just cant, everytime someone comes onto me i have to reject them not only because im asexual but im afraid of romantic or even sexual contact because of these experiences. i just wanna let go and allow new people into my life

I'm fairly new to treatment, but I've learned more about myself and my behaviors in the last five weeks than I have in the 25 years previous, arguably. One thing that's clear is that the great bulk of my most intense OCD symptoms spiral around my romantic relationships and the vast majority of my most damaging compulsions - damaging both to my own well being and to the person I'm with - are mental compulsions. They come on so intensely and so persistently and with such enormous physiological involvement that it often feels like tidal wave that I'm carried away on. Next thing you know I'm simulating conversations left and right or ruminating on visual images of the past or imagined future or present. Or I'm catstrophizing and fantasizing about breaking up with someone who I know I love - or imaging they'll break up with me and maybe interrogating them at length looking for signs of betrayal or anger. It really feels impossible to have a positive and lasting healthy/loving relationship under these conditions and at this juncture in the treatment process, it doesn't feel like there's as well defined a erp process for these sorts of hard to pin down mental compulsions - in large part because simulating some thought doesn't evoke the same intensity as an actual trigger - and the actual triggers come out of no where - and can range from literally anything said by my partner, body language, silence, or just random images. Working with NOCD has definitely made me more aware of how totally pervasive my OCD is - but unfortunately I've already likely irreparable harm to at least one relationship as a result of the disorder and I guess I'm feeling sort of hopeless atm...

Hello everyone good morning , I woke up today which is a blessing so if you woke up as well thank god. life is not easy dealing with ocd but once you take steps to learn about ocd and managing it , it can definitely take a lot of weight off your shoulders. Ocd used to control me for the longest time. I’m 25 years old and I can now say that ocd does not run the show here. I’m here to talk about ocd and lust. I’ve struggled with a lust addiction since a child. I just want to tell anyone who’s dealing with this take control now no matter what age you are because if you let sex addiction or porn addiction control you it’ll never lead anywhere good and I know. I just quit lust about two weeks ago and it’s been a on and off battle since I was a little child . I don’t want to be a lustful person anymore I’ve hurt my self, others (not physically but emotionally) and im not proud of it. But it’s never too late for change the longest I’ve when with staying away from lust in the last 15 years was probably about 8-9 months. Currently im giving it another shot again. Im only here telling you guys because it honestly destroyed most the first 25 years of my life that I can’t get back now. I don’t want anyone to make the same mistake. Find hobbies, have friends , get a job , go explore the real world, talk to strangers do these things because they’re what benefited me while on this journey. Like I said it’s trial and error this journey but I finally feel like I’m free from it for good this time. I’m two weeks clean I feel better then ever , less intrusive thoughts and as the days go by less and less thoughts. I’m getting back into the gym this week going back to work next month everything is falling in place for me. it also can for you as well if you truly want it. Don’t give up or lost hope. Ask your self if you battle with this sin, do I really want to be this person? Who would I be without this addiction ? These are things to consider. But all I’m going to say is things are definitely better on the other side of this addiction. We’re all capable of great things in life especially find genuine connections in life to fill the void of “lust”. Just because you’re addicted doesnt me you’re ruined change is waiting for you whenever you’re ready. We are human , nobody is perfect , cut your self some slack. Build a relationship with god , he is the way of life and our guide through this crazy world we life in. YOU CAN DO IT AND SO CAN I AND WE WILL

my real events make me so horrid

My whole life, I have struggled with body confidence and so on Pinterest and Instagram I would save a lot of posts of women who had curvy bodies who weren’t super thin because that helped me it made me realize that “Hey, if these women are not super thin and they’re curvy or plus size and they’re confident and they’re posting these videos I can wear a bikini in public or I don’t have to worry about what people think of my body. I don’t have to compare myself.” so randomly I was just going through my saved Instagram posts and I saw like the body positive post and stuff and I would just save like a lot of stuff that would have women like showing off their body, especially if they were curvy or plus size because that would help me as a woman feel better about my body type. The only thing I did not realize is that a lot of these posts that I had saved were only fans creator and I didn’t realize at the time. I just saved them because I was like OK she’s plus size she’s dancing in a bikini on Instagram like that’s inspirational to me because she does not care what people are gonna say about her body and she does not care what people are gonna think about her body. That’s how I’ve viewed it and then when I was going through these posts that I had saved like two years ago when my fiancé and I had first started dating, I was like telling him I was like “babe oh my gosh, I did not know half of these women were only fans creators. It did not click to me at the time. I literally would just save them if they were confident dancing in a bikini or if they were confident showing off a lot of their body because that was inspirational to me because they just you know they were comfortable in their body” but again my OCD is trying to tell me that I save the stuff for other reasons, reasons that I know I would not do and I just feel horrible because I didn’t realize at the time :( has anyone struggled with this? I’ve been like deep diving and going through to check to make sure I don’t have anything else in there saved but the truth is I don’t remember what I saved two years ago. I just know that I struggle with body confidence a lot and saved a lot of posts with women showing off their bodies because that helped me as a younger girl.

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well. It’s been a few months and I know whenever I post, it’s more of an update. But I feel like things have been changing for me at least a little, some for the better and some for worse. The new college I’m in has been keeping me busier, especially with being in classes I’m motivated to do the work for and my life has gotten more social. Both of these things keep my mind busy from spiraling fully into OCD. Even though most of my stress comes from college now, at least it feels like I don’t have time to be worrying about things that aren’t so important in the present. I’ve also stopped talking about my struggles with people, unless it’s primarily with my therapist. It’s good because I’m not airing out all my dirty laundry and draining others, but sometimes I do feel alone and tired but afraid of burdening others so I just sink in it. My cravings for reassurance has changed. It’s not reassurance for whether I’m good or if I did something wrong, but my body is starving to be held, to be hugged, or just a simple “I’m glad you’re here with us”. Apart from stress of college, the other thing I’ve been struggling with it rejection dysphoria where even in a room full of people, I feel very alone and most of the time I come home feeling dreaded of the possibility that I contributed nothing good. I even cried for the first time in a while last week because whether it’s true or not doesn’t matter; it’s the fact that I immediately feel this pain eating me and that I’ll live with it for the rest of my life. But it’s whatever, maybe I’m not meant to be liked around people, just tolerated. But I want to be there for the people I care about. A lot has changed these past few months. This summer was a mess truthfully, I pity anyone who was around me. The intrusive thoughts I got don’t appear as often, and when they do, I am either too stressed or too tired to think about it more. The breakup I had was so rough, but time has made it as if the relationship never happened. It’s bittersweet really. I guess it’s a good thing to just keep moving forward though. Anyways, I don’t care if anyone reads this or not but I felt the need to say this all. Peace for now.

I am new here and trying to help my (33m) husband (32m) quell his OCD fear of him contaminating me. What are some things I can say or discuss with him to make sure he knows that he isn't going to do that. I know very well that OCD takes irrational fears, worries, and thoughts and bumps them to 200+ but I'm unsure how to help just....make him feel better when all he wants to do now is just, rituals instead of saying cuddling or hand holding (example). He feels bad and I can tell...which breaks my heart.... reiterating again that I just want to help him and any tips or resources help. He's currently on medication and seeing a therapist so....those tips might not be the best for this situation! (Also sorry for writing it like a reddit post. Thought it would give more insight or something)