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Does anyone on here constantly have their posts not showing up for others/ getting deleted which makes you feel like you did something bad?😭

I've been using AI on and off for a little under a year and even though I recently stopped I can't stop feeling so guilty. I knew some of the problems it had and while I was against it for the most part, I still shamefully resorted to using it for things like roleplay and as a compulsion for OCD anxieties. I confessed some personal real-life situations to it and feel sick that my chats will be leaked and linked to me. My friends are extremely against generative AI and have said they hate people that use it, so now I feel like a hypocrite and that I'm going to be cancelled. I just don't feel like I deserve anything anymore because of this and it's been extremely difficult. I can't bring myself to make major life decisions out of fear of being found out, I avoid talking to my friends because I feel like I'm disguising myself as a good person to them, I don't feel like I deserve to be an artist and writer anymore because I used it in creative ways. I feel like my life is ruined because of this and I just don't know how to forgive myself.

Can anyone who’s 18 or older check out my last post please?

Ok so I went to the bathroom yesterday but it got clogged and I made a stupid decision of trying to use a large dove soap container head and try and get it out not only did it not work it just got inside the soap pump stick so I put it in a bag and threw it in the outside dumpster but I’m worried I didn’t wash my hands well enough between the tasks I did to throw it away because I was rushing and probably/most likely didn’t use enough soap or wash long enough and I was touching doorhandles and I had to change clothes and shower and getting a bag for the stuff I’m worried I spread feral matter all over my house including bedrooms(like mine),my kitchen, my little cousins’ toys which are in the hallway I could’ve bumped into them or gotten fecal matter on them and this could get them ill when they come back over. Or worse my kitchen where we make food which could everyone in my family or guests sick I have had mini panic attacks trying to comprehend everything that could’ve happened when I was cleaning up what happened and I thought about how I basically doomed my family I didn’t tell them because I thought I was overreacting and this would be ERP but I haven’t been able to get over it. I mean I sat on a chair in my kitchen and my clothes were not clean so now the chair and the two tables in my kitchen are infected since the chair touches them. I have thought of getting a cleaner to clean the house but I’m not sure how to prepare and I’m only 17 so I’d need to ask my parent but I don’t think I wanna tell them. The chair I know people sat in and my little brother and possibly dad used that restroom and I know I sprayed the bathroom with bleach but I didn’t wipe it up just has been sitting and I could’ve missed some spots. I’m just scared my house is infected and that I’m missing a key detail to add or a section of my house I didn’t clean and is really infected. I’m terrified to even step into that bathroom or my room or use the clothes I had on the floor that I stepped on after the bathroom thing before I showered. I’m worried me, my friends, my family (especially the kids) are going to get hepatitis, e-coli, or other fecal based diseases of infections and it will last in my house forever and it will be my fault. And I don’t know if I should tell anyone.

My OCD has made my mind feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I broke up with my girlfriend in January. I was in the inpatient for 7-8 days and something snapped in my brain. Ever since I got out I haven’t felt the same mentally. My mind gets overwhelmed easily now. I feel so broken and scared. I’m 29 years old. I’m on 250 mg of Clomipramine. I don’t feel it working anymore. My doctor told me there is no other medicine he can prescribe that would be stronger than this pill. I feel like I’m dissociated so hard right now and I haven’t been able to snap out of it for a month. Please help me 😢😔

There's been times where I had horrible pocd thoughts and I felt like I wanted to touch myself in response to them or something. Or felt intense groinal response more than my usual arousal. Like it felt like I was holding myself back even tho its so foul. And im worried that means its true. It's almost like flight or fight but I feel like im covering something up.

How can I cope with the fact that my stable preferences over time prove that I am not the identity I was born as. I want to feel connected to my feminine body but have been socially and physically uncomfortable for most of my past and it’s making everything feel like it has now “clicked” that my internal identity is what is wrong. I don’t want to change my identity or my life but everything is so wrong right now. Part of me feels like it’s worse in my head than what my reality is, but I know that I have felt discomfort in the moment too and that usually indicates that it’s actual gender misalignment and not OCD. I don’t think I’ll ever get out of this as a woman, but I don’t want to take any steps to affirm that I’m trans either. I want to feel like a woman but my mind has told me that’s gone forever and that I’d rather be something else. I don’t feel like I belong at all.

I need to explain what’s been going on in my head because I’m really struggling and I want this to be understood. Lately, my brain has been trying to convince me that I’ve always been in “trans denial” and that it was just a matter of time before I realised it. It brings up things like how I used to hang out with boys, have boyish humour, and how I pretended to be a boy with my sister when we were little. It makes me question if those things mean something when they never felt important before. I also noticed that sometimes I feel a bit jealous of boys, like when I saw a little boy playing a game and thought about how boys are treated differently. When girls play games, they’re often judged or seen as “pick me,” and I don’t like that. But I’m scared that even thinking this somehow means I’m trans. The confusing part is that I’ve never felt uncomfortable being a girl before October last year. Not even slightly. Everything started around then. I had a big interest in a show and got really into a popular relationship dynamic between two male characters. It got a lot of attention, and my brain started associating “boy x boy” with being more interesting or cool, and “girl x girl” as less interesting. Because of that, I started imagining myself as a girl in a relationship where I was more dominant, because that seemed “cool” in the same way. Then I saw a video saying “I’m a girl but I want to be in a mlm relationship,” and I related to it. But when I read a comment saying “this is how I found out I was trans,” I got scared. After that, I went online and got introduced to a bunch of labels like “demigirl.” I didn’t feel like a boy, but I was also exploring alternative styles and communities where a lot of people identify in different ways, so I thought maybe that was me. But it didn’t feel right for long — it kind of faded. In November, I had a dream where I was wearing a suit and tie. I think it happened because I was already stressed about all of this. That dream really triggered everything, and since then it has gotten worse and worse. Now it’s March and it feels overwhelming. I even tried to “test” how I felt about having a deeper voice, and it made me feel dizzy, anxious, and like I wanted to cry. But even with those reactions, my brain still tells me “what if this means something,” and it makes me feel like I’m losing myself. I was also recently diagnosed, but I keep doubting the diagnosis. I’m not asking for reassurance — I just need to explain what’s happening and hear opinions. I’ve struggled with OCD for a long time, and this feels like another version of it. When I was 4, I had to touch corners or things wouldn’t feel right. When I was 10, I had to repeat actions a certain number of times and had specific routines, or I felt like something bad would happen. At 11, I had constant fears that nothing was real and needed reassurance all the time. I avoided things because I felt disconnected and scared. At 12, I was terrified I was becoming a bad person and had intrusive thoughts and fears about harming others, even though I didn’t want to. Now I’m almost 14, and this current theme is about my gender. It doesn’t feel like normal questioning — it feels like constant doubt and fear. A big part of it is that I’ve always noticed that men seem to get more attention or power, and I think that contributed to some of these thoughts. When I got into certain fandoms, I admired specific dynamics and sometimes wanted to act like certain characters because they seemed cool, not because I wanted to actually be them. Even when I imagined those things, I still saw myself as a girl. I didn’t want to be in a gay relationship — I wanted to be in a straight one, just with a dynamic I liked. The problem started when I saw that one comment and became scared. After that, I started overthinking everything — my past, my feelings, my thoughts. I began constantly checking myself and having intrusive thoughts about being a boy, which made me really uncomfortable. This has affected a lot — my holidays, Christmas, and everyday life. A lot of my memories feel unclear because OCD makes things feel distorted or uncertain. Deep down, I don’t feel like a boy and never have. I’ve always imagined growing up as a woman and liked feminine things. Recently, I even did my makeup and felt really happy and certain about myself for a moment — but then the doubt came back. One of the hardest parts is that sometimes it feels like I “like” the thoughts. For example, I might have a thought like “it would be cool or unique to be a boy,” and for a split second it doesn’t feel bad. Then I panic and think that means something. I’ve realised my brain tends to get very attached to new ideas. When I was younger, I would get obsessed with things like Barbies and want more and more, but the feeling would eventually fade. The same pattern is happening now with ideas like pronouns — my brain focuses on how they sound or how interesting they are, not what they actually mean for me. For example, I noticed I liked the sound of “him” and “his,” or thought combinations like “she/him” sounded interesting. But when I actually imagine being called that, it feels wrong and uncomfortable. I don’t want to present as masculine. I also think my anxiety is making me overanalyse everything, including things I used to enjoy like feminine clothing. It doesn’t feel natural anymore because I’m constantly thinking about it. Overall, this feels like a pattern of OCD where my brain fixates on identity and creates doubt, even though my core feelings about myself haven’t actually changed. I just feel really overwhelmed and scared, and I wanted to explain everything properly.

I just recently did my first communion (it was really hard for me i got really sentimental lol cus i had gone through a lot of anxiety for it) but now im scared cus i feel that ill be expected by my family to take communion every sunday now and idk i know its smt good but i feel like i dont want to, ill miss how going to mass was like just sitting and peacefully watching and listening, but now i feel im expected to do smt i dont want to every week, plus ill be scared i sinned and didnt notice or that i have to be perfect all the time cus if not i cant take communion and id have to confess and i dont want to confess again its scary! My family said they wont be asking if i dont take communion and that it is my choice but im still worried that theres really no reason to not take communion if i didnt sin so ill jusy feel im denying Jesus ik my dad would say smt like that but im really scared i wanna dissapear from all these religious expectations!! :(

I’ve been struggling so much lately because whenever things get hard, I start to panic. These intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend keep hitting me, and I’m terrified that I’m secretly gay. Today, I was doing so well. I felt steady and okay. But then, while I was scrolling, I saw a picture of a girl who was so pretty, and I immediately panicked. My brain went into those intrusive thoughts . Later I saw another post of a girl on top of a guy saying she liked the way he smelled. Instead of feeling happy, it made me feel so sad. I thought about him, but I didn't feel that 'lovey-dovey' spark today with him at school I did feel love and comfort but I don’t have that love surge . It made me feel like I don't love him anymore, and that scares me so much. Now, I’m stuck in this loop. I catch myself constantly replaying old memories of us just to 'check' if I really felt love back then. I feel so guilty, like I’m lying to him every time I say I love him. I keep thinking, 'What if I actually like her and not him?' Even saying that feels like a lie, but the fear is so loud that I feel like I have to figure it out right now or I'm a bad person. I'm just so sad because I'm panicking over these thoughts and I'm terrified of hurting his feelings. Someone please help

Hi friends, I have a question for those of you in ERP therapy. Does anyone else really struggle with rating your SUDS level? When I am asked to rate my distress, I get very frustrated because I don’t feel like I know exactly what I am feeling or how to communicate it. I can identify high and low distress, but not anything more specific. I don’t understand the differences between 2, 3, or 4 on a 1 to 10 scale. Most of my exposures have kept me in the lower range so far (what I think of as under 5), but sometimes I’m not sure if I am feeling anything at all. How are you supposed to know if you are distressed? If it doesn’t feel like anxiety and instead is frustration or just discomfort, do you rate it differently? My therapist is asking me to practice rating myself more often to get comfortable with it, but I feel like I am just getting more confused. I don’t want to fall into an over-analysis trap, so any simple advice would be very appreciated!

I never drink alcohol, and today a good friend of mine had his birthday, and we went to a bar. I had three drinks, which is the most I have had in years. I already have false memories of murder and disgusting thoughts as cheating, I would never in a million years do such a thing. I will never drink again, and even if I will there will be one drink max. These false memories are ruining my life, and I just worked through some of them recently. Lord Jesus, help me.

Was just wondering if anyone can relate to this as I’ve never been able to fully explain it to anyone who gets it 😭 I hit this stage after dealing with intrusive thoughts for a while where I’m just CONSTANTLY aware of every thought in my head. Every minor unrelated thing feels like a trigger and i become permanently restless. My brain convinces me I’ll be stuck like this forever. I’ll be doing things I love and enjoy or laughing in conversations and my head will be all “yeah but you’re not truly present, your not really happy.. look you’re still stuck” I feel like I’m still suffering internally and nothing can ever truly distract me. And it makes me feel so down and just helpless.. I can’t even explain what’s wrong. My head will have all these checkpoints of places I walk past, like a road leading to my house and ESPECIALLY the bathroom mirror and every time I walk past them it’s like my brain goes “look your still stuck.. “ and I know I’m doing better when I walk in and out of the bathroom with none of those thoughts… Another big thing is my camera roll, I look at every picture and feel envious of myself when I was doing okay. I literally can’t look at pictures of when I was fine cuz I get convinced I’ll never have that again. “You’ll never be able to look at these with your eyes in your rational state of mind” The main sign for me that it’s getting bad is that I just lose the ability to day dream or think about anything other then my mental state. Even when I’m not thinking of my intrusive thoughts I’m analysing exactly how I feel or am trying to explain to myself exactly what I’m thinking and feeling.. It’s so tiring, at my worst it went on for months… in the most recent episode it went on for a week but I’m just terrified of getting like that again because I don’t know how to snap out. It’s funny because it all feels like one self fulfilling prophecy. My fear of being stuck in my head results in me analysing whether or not I am still stuck in my head for hours upon end.. and I just end up more stuck.

Recently saw a tik tok that said something along the lines lines of “wanting a man to be attracted to you doesn’t actually mean ur attracted to them.” This sent me down a spiral and I thought I was doing so well. I am a straight woman with so-ocd and now I’m doubting if I’ve ever found a man attractive or if I just want them to find me attractive. Doubting all past relationships and crushes cause now my minds like “well you want men to find you attractive so then that must mean ur not attracted to them and therefore are lesbian.” I feel so horrible it has been MONTHS since any ocd flare up and now I want to throw up and cry! Thanks for reading my rant

I imagine this is common since having OCD entails constant obsession on very upsetting topics. For me personally, I keep having vivid nightmares of being in hell. My religious beliefs and my ocd with it have been been a huge problem for over a year. It has been very hard, and I fear sleeping. I haven’t started my OCD specific treatment yet, but I hope this can get better soon

My anxiety/ocd manifests as a tightness in my chest. Like my muscle are tensing up like you would wince before someone hit you. I’m stuck in this perpetual state of ‘wince’. So much so my chest is sore from it. I feel like there is something to release but I can’t figure out what. I feel like there is a weight on my chest that i just can’t get off. I just want all this fear to go away. I’ve been in therapy for 3 years and i’ve been medicated for 2 years. I have made so much progress but I feel like I’ve plateaued and i feel like i’ve hit a glass ceiling in terms of getting better. Do i just need to accept that this is my life? Is there hope for me?

so i have ROCD and at the start it was bad and then it calmed down a bit and its spiked up a few days ago and it felt worse than ever and it’s slowly going back down and i went for a run this morning and felt good but came back and my mind was racing with thoughts like “am i happy” “what if im not” “am i happy with what we’re working towards” and just a lot of what’s ifs and thinking in the future and i looked over to our bed and she was sleeping peacefully and i just feel horrible to be even thinking these things because i love her so much and I know that so why am i having these thoughts. It makes me feel so sad thinking about if she knew i was having these thoughts and i feel like i bad boyfriend and it really just breaks my heart. Im not so sad about the thoughts im having right now because I know it’s not true but it’s more just feeling bad for her in a sense. Anything will help :)

I have SOCD and for my ERP I have to watch gay men come out later in life. Because I am so afraid of being gay. But when watching these videos it just makes me want to come out, so I can just stop fighting, an being so stressed out. Even though all my gay thoughts are dystonic thoughts. Does anyone else feel this way?

sunny days make me so anxious it’s so bad, i’m super hyper vigilant when it’s sunny. it has to do with derealization and existential stuff. but today i went to the gym, it’s really sunny out and i was super anxious. right as i got into the gym i started panicking and stuff but i forced myself to do 10 minutes of working out even tho i was anxious. i kept telling myself that im fine being here on gray days so it’s okay today even tho it’s sunny and it helped. but i only worked out for 10 minutes then drove home. and i told my mom ab the sunny day anxiety, and she was like just sit outside and do all these things, and then we got into a fight because im still in fight or flight state and i just did exposure and she keeps telling me to keep doing it and it made me so overwhelmed and now im crying. it feels like she just doesn’t understand and it makes me feel like i lost progress bc of what she said and stuff

Has anyone read a book or textbook (specifically educational), and was uncertain about the meaning of a word or part of a text which was connected obviously to more text for the author to create an idea to teach, which led you to feel uncertain about the whole interpretation of the information you read? If so, did this actually cause you a lot of distress and provided this information was important to you, made it difficult to function? If you need me to elaborate more, let me know please. I am in great need for discussion and ultimately help with working through this. Its been bothering me for a long time now.