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I can’t do this

I’m so tired of this it’s been over a week of non stop calling and emailing everyone and everday I get answers like this I have debilitating ocd and have for 15 years and always thought I was getting help when really noone was treating me wit erp and cbt I was e never getting help for the rituals and compulsions and now I have 15 years worth of rituals and compulsions that feel like there apart of me and will be harder to get threw when I do get help cause I’ve been doing them for so long I have Medicaid in Tennessee it can only be used in Tennessee but there’s no inpatient facility Tim Tennessee that helps wit ocd there’s places that’ll give you medicine for it but they don’t treat it and going into a facility were they don’t understand ocd and just expect me to deal wit it by myself in a room wit a roommate and trying to do my rituals in a small dirty bathroom is insane I’m so tired of this and this is the exact reason ppl kill themselves a world we’re ocd is gonna be thee rest of your life cause your on ssi from your ocd and can’t afford help you only get Medicaid and nowere will accept it noone understand ocd and you can’t get help wats the fucking point.

If the uncertainty leads me to accept the thing i am running away from how was that not true and if the uncertainty the may be or maybe not in the future gets me to do something i might be in denial of what then?!? This is a possibility and a big one cause if i would have been so sure if myself why would i even question in the first place…And with uncertainty how do i know anything for sure and people who don't know will say they are gender queer so how am i not that.….. ¡ have stopped feeling the anxiety and all these feel real and I don't even react to it cause i am tired and numb to them its like I don't know who i am anymore and everyone with soocd constantly says they know they are straight or whatever and i used to earlier and now I don't why dont i?! Why do i feel like thats a lie or could be a lie and my brain has confused my emotions and feelings to the point where nothing feels real anymore and i feel like an imposter and someone who doesn't know who she is and is suffering…… is this ocd doing this or my thoughts being real just me not realising? Is this ocd i am constantly trying to figure out if the thoughts are real or not and then i say if its real i type all this because i am scared and fear and in denial like where does this end?!

My soocd feels like it takes up everything in my life. The triggers are everywhere. I am a straight female, 18, and I have a wonderful boyfriend, my ROCD used to be my main theme but now it’s shifted to SOOCD. I’ve always since I was a little girl dreamt of having a “prince” and a family. And when I experienced bad ROCD I feared that when I start a family it wouldn’t be with my partner. But now with SOOCD whenever I think of my future of having a family I have intrusive thoughts about it being with a girl(really embarrassed to share that)..and I just don’t like it! I wish I didn’t have those intrusive thoughts. I’ve always loved imagining a future with my boyfriend and now I feel like OCD has just taken that over. Anyone else? It’s like the intrusive thoughts are almost instant. So annoying!! Sometimes I fear this will last forever😫even though I know it won’t.

Hi there! I don’t have any type of support nor can I afford the treatment so here is a little rant about what’s been going on. I’ve had pure o since I was a child and been dealing with it for years. I’m 16 now and since I could remember I had disgusting and disturbing images always screaming at me so it felt and it’s gone really worse over the years. I fear that I’ll think it’s ok and agree with the thoughts even though I know I’m nothing like what it says it’s so damaging it hurts so much. I’m drowning with doubt I’m so scared i don’t know what to do I feel like I’m losing myself I’m disgusted by myself and I’m even dissociating and have symptoms of schizophrenia it all feels like a way to cope though. I’ve been cutting as a way to cope as well because of the thoughts I feel like I deserve to be cut and be beaten I’m so scared I’ll get myself into dark places like relaying on drugs or bad people. I feel so alone I’m so uncomfortable all the time it is so exhausting it’s disgusting I feel so dead inside I’ve even attempted suicide 4 times maybe more i don’t know. I know In my heart I’m not a bad person and I love big but the thoughts and ugly unwanted feelings and manipulation makes it so hard for me i feel like it’s traumatized me even more from my childhood I just feel like I’m going insane. I also have Pocd which is the worst it has ruined my life i’m so depressed it’s so hard to talk about it I really hope it ends if not I’m not sure how long I will live for or where I’ll end up with my mental health. Thank you for listening! and if you are struggling as well I hold your hand with love and sympathy stay strong!!

in addition to exposures, talking to friends and family and therapy, what has helped you cope with ocd?

I’ll admit when I first started doing intimate things I was a very selfish lover, I thought my guy got his pleasure from pleasing me and it was also all I knew from porn. I didn’t stop to think he wanted to be pleased too and honestly avoided it (mostly due to anxiety and insecurities) until he expressed to me that I made him feel unattractive. Since that moment pleasing him took on a whole new meaning and as I gained confidence and experience I started enjoying it a lot more. Honestly I’ve always felt anxiety and fear around intimacy, it’s hard for me to be so vulnerable and even harder to feel “worthy” in bed. I always feel like there’s this standard I need to reach and that I need to think and feel and perform a certain way. Honestly, I don’t need sex in my relationship to be happy but it’s still something I really want to share with my partner and I really want to be that comfortable around each other and grow that passion. I feel like my rough start and trauma around sex means I’m doomed to ever have good sex with a man because my soocd makes me hyper focus on the overly-sexualized female erotica and porn and “male gaze” I grew up wanting to be. Girls is pure aesthetic , I find it attractive because I want to look like that. But with guys it’s about their smell, the shape and warmth of their body, their personality and energy. I feel like girls are more “aesthetic” but I’d much rather be with a decent guy with an amazing personality than say the most beautiful girl in the world. I hate my mind😒 last night I cried while listening to my playlist I made my boyfriend because I miss everything about feeling confident in my attraction and love to him.

Still awake nearly 2 am cuz the OCD thinks I'll get possessed if I fall asleep. Any feeling in my stomach or elsewhere my brain tries to use as proof. Any advice??.

How do you get over the guilt and a real event feeling like “evidence” when it was actually a bad thing that happened :(.

If I am stressed about something he did/didn't do (thinking that he couldn't be the one for me because of that), than we have a fight where I cry; we didn't solve nothing, but after I feel much better; is that fight a compulsion??

Anyone find that weed has helped them with ocd? I think I may be intolerant to thc and I’m trying to find a good cbd dominant strain that could help me.

Does this ever really goes away?????

I started taking citalopram around 2 weeks ago and my ocd has definitely been flaring up. Has anyone else experienced this?

Just did a big exposure and watched a lot of “ I thought I was straight until x” videos of women in hetero relationships realizing they were lesbians in their 20s and 30s and I’m so scared and uncertain. I feel like I would actually be insane to have made up all the feelings I have felt for men consistently over the years, and I’m simultaneously afraid I’m bi and just don’t know/can’t figure it out. Today is hard and a day when I feel like I don’t have ocd and I might just be lying.

Why is it when I feel love that’s when I know I love him!? But when I don’t feel love it’s like I really don’t love him at all…. 😞 it’s like I confirmed I don’t love him… but answering all theses questions my friend asked me showed me I still love him. But I am worried about not being in love… 😞 but when I feel love more I really do know I love him a and want to stay.

So my partner and I fought all day yesterday and some harsh things were said out of anger obviously. But ever since then my brain is just going on loops about breaking up with him and I can’t see out of it. Kind of struggling because it feels like I want it

I hate social media. Ran across a video on accident about measuring someone’s gayness and some guy said 2 and I was like oh I’m less than that and I said one but I should’ve said zero because I’m not gay at all! And now I keep happily saying two or even but I’m not two or 3 I’m in the negatives! What does it say about me that I said 1 I’m not actually gay at all! I am 0% goddamit

Please only adults read . . . This is so hard for me to get over. Months ago my husband and I were intimate. I wasn't in the mood but I did it for him since it had been a while. I get pocd intrusive thoughts so I avoid it a lot. This will be tmi but He was touching me for a while and I felt nothing. Wasn't getting in the mood Moments later i got an intrusive of my son's hand being there instead of my husband's. It wasn't an image and it was such a quick thought but I felt something down there. So I was like what?! What does this mean. But I focused to see if the feeling would go away. Then as my husband continued touching me I kept getting more in the mood. And we ended up continuing. I get intrusives happen during and right at the end but before you even get in the mood as your partner is trying to get you in the mood? It doesn't seem right to me.

It’s funny because when I wake up I’m feeling really bad but then I calm down during the day , and the next day it’s the same cycle over again , everything involving men can be a trigger for me

** TW ** Guys I’m reaching out for help. Has Anyone experience this I work closing shifts. And for the past three or four days I’ve been taking Flexeril to help me sleep which is a muscle relaxer that sometimes can cause abnormal thinking and dreaming like on its own let alone with OCD‘s help. But I didn’t take a muscle relaxer last night. Last night I took a full dose of Tylenol p.m. And I fell asleep around 1:30 AM maybe? And my sleep was fine I had no dreams but I woke up Max 10 minutes ago probably less to use the restroom and I’m scared because I imagined for whatever reason I really jerky guy and a girl and I was panicking because like I had to tell him myself to chant that I don’t wanna kiss the girl but for whatever reason I was comparing that person to the jerky guy but I don’t even know who he is by the way. This isn’t really a dream this was like right before I fully woke up by opening my eyes. And I said in my own voice so to speak if you know what I mean that I would but I don’t want to kiss the girl and now my heart is pounding in my palms are sweating. I’d rather kiss of horrible mean guy than a nice girl I don’t want girls. No matter how nice or supposedly good looking I don’t like thinking good looking because I don’t see them like that. And now I can’t stop thinking when I don’t want the way a woman’s anatomy looks in any state I don’t like the way they hang and I want guys and pectorals to come back