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the NOCD Community

Hi! I’m Alyssa, I’m 22. I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember but I thought it was just a quirk about me, and also something that would assist my ambition in getting me where I needed. I am not very *organized* or *clean* per say, so OCD is never something I considered for myself. I recently confronted my anxiety about the future with my CBT therapist (who I love) and took a hiatus because I was doing a lot better. Basically, I am obsessed with things happening just the way I expected them to, having my reality completely aligning with my hopes and dreams. Otherwise I can’t feel peace. I’ve been with the same person for about 15 months now, and every single thing about him and us is lovely. However, I keep feeling doubts and crippling anxiety about our future together. I feel like I need to find this certainty and unbounded contentment with him. Isn’t that how you “know”? That’s the construct of love and marriage I created for myself at some point in my life. I’ve had no one in my family get divorced and the pressure of living up to that expectation makes it so hard to move forward with a marriage. I can’t make the wrong move, but how do I *know*? It’s a lot of unreasonable pressure on my sweet oblivious boyfriend. I feel like I betray him every time I see him because what if I don’t love him the way he loves me? I don’t feel contentment. I keep googling and googling looking for confirmation that, no, this IS normal. Or I immediately rush to a trusted friend to assure me of how great we are together. These intrusive thoughts have been ruining my time with him and I feel compelled to end it just to feel the temporary relief that comes with it. I almost did once, but I couldn’t go through with it when considering the gaping “him”-shaped hole it would leave in my life. Fast forward to me discovering the anxiety love coach podcast on spotify. I never knew that relationship OCD existed and I have never felt so seen or validated. I am hopeful now that I can soothe these future-related invasive thoughts and be happy in my healthy relationship.

It feels like I don’t find the male body attractive at all anymore but what’s worse is that I never really payed attention to body before this at least not look wise. I still found a guy with a great body good looking, but I was more interested in the way a guy smelled, how nervous I would get around him, his warmth and how nice it felt to lean against a biggest smooth chest. What’s worse is I feel like I find my partner ugly now even though before I loved being near him and hugging him and touching him and kissing him, it’s true I didn’t really pay much attention to his looks but I still thought he was the most beautiful boy and I still wanted to be near his body but I feel like I’m lying when I say that. I’m going insane with all these stupid thoughts. I feel doomed.

Anyone have any tips for quitting watching porn? Realized how bad and fucked up it is, and with OCD its just an unnecesarry habit

Hey everyone trigger warning about intrusive thoughts and pocd this is just a little rant I need to get out My intrusive thoughts just keep getting worse and worse, I have to shake my head and clench my teeth to stop them, being quarwntined has just made it worse I can’t look at anyone who could be perceived as female or younger than me without my mind sexualising every part of their body I hate it so much it’s tearing apart my morals and my mind , I can honestly feel my mind slipping. I want to get better so badly but there’s still a week or more until my weekly sessions start and I don’t even know if they will help enough, I want to live happily and not suffer and do all the things I loved.

does anyone else catch themselves accidentally staring at people in the wrong places as in their private areas? i hate this so fucken much. i have no thoughts when doing it but when i realized i looked i feel irritated and frustrated bc i feel like im a bad person or something. i feel like it’s a never ending battle with ocd.

I want to apologize for my last post I honestly didn’t know and I feel horrible. I really meant no harm I promise. I have been told to say that over calling someone the other. I apologize

Can anyone with a vagina help? It's my birthday. I went to go to the toilet and my underwar was wet. It soaked through to both sides. And it was the whole area of the underwear. I feel I would have felt if I peed myself..I did need the toilet but I held it in talking to a friend. I just changed my underwear and trousers and got into bed. But I feel so gross. Its my 20th...i wanted to start this decade off right but I just want to cry and have a shower and wash everything. Could it just be discharge? I've googled it and I've seen nothing on discharge like that. I feel so gross. Do I need to wash everything tomorrow morning? I'm having friends over. I don't know what to do... this is only my luck. I wanted to start this birthday off well. But I did compulsions smelling the underwear and feeling my old pajama trousers to see if they got wet.. Why am I so gross ... :(

Any thoughts/experiences on Zoloft currently on 50mg and have seen great reduction in symptoms but having a flare up and still have more anxiety then would like has anyone found improvement moving to 75 or 100mg? I suffer mainly from ROCD, real event OCD and Pure O

Hi, so I'm struggling at the moment with existenal ocd... where i keep thinking how do I now anything or anyone is real... to the point even typing this I think how do I know this group and the people in it are real etc, also things like how do I even know my thoughts are real, what are thoughts etc etc... is this normal with existenal ocd? Also then with harm ocd it doet of mixes into it.. like.. what it none of this is real then what difference does it make if I were to harm someone.. then I panic and think how do I know I'm not gna going to or even start believing everything might not be real and go crazy etc? All sounds abit nuts I know but its the only way I can explain it... is this sort of thing normal with Existenal ocd? I'm trying my hardest not to gel with the thoughts as best I can etc.. and I'm not looking for reassurance... but will this ever go away?

Two days ago we were on our way to a museum walking on a stairway when I saw a girl wearing leggings walking in front of me, and idk why but | involuntarily (I hope it was) glanced at her butt. I initially thought she was a girl about my age or older but it turned out to be much younger. I found myself looking at her a few times hoping that she wasn't a c**** and that I just had mistaken her, but I ultimately realised that she was a c**** and that I had looked at a c**** b*tt. What if this is a proof that I'm a p***? If this was OCD I'd have just ignored it after the first time I realised that she was a c****, but no, I glanced at her repeatedly.

Today i broke up with my boyfriend because my ocd got so bad asking myself if i actually loved him. i feel so upset as i still what to be with him but feel i can't if i'm not sure how i feel. even though we've broken up i still don't know how i feel and hope i that we can get back together if i figure out i do love him. however i may never know how i feel, am i just giving myself false hope? is breaking up with him itself a compulsion? it all is so painful i still care about him a lot

Any tips to help with intrusive thoughts like “what if I’m better without my bf because these thoughts will do away “ “what if it’s not a right relationship “ But deep in my heart I cannot let him go I care and love him sm when I break down and have these spirals I’m able to know so fast this is what I want but when it’s a regular day I wake up and it’s starts all over he said “baby don’t put time into these thoughts “ but how am I supposed to not put time into them when they are circling my head then I had a stupid dream about an ex and I know u can’t control dreams so the dream doesn’t mean anything but it hurts and I feel so guilty and it makes me think does it mean I don’t love him or shouldn’t be with him . Just need tips to help me through this .

Can OCD manifest in physical sensations around the body? it’s making me feel bothered this morning , it’s like my stomach is burning but I don’t know if it’s something OCD is producing or some other stuff like diarrhea

Hi I’m curious if this happens to anyone. I’d wake up early like 4 am and try to go back to sleep but random thoughts come to my mind - sometimes I remember sometimes I don’t. I can hear myself think sometimes and then I just couldn’t go back to sleep anymore. Before having depression and anxiety, I never noticed this but now I do.

Hi, is journaling good for OCD? I would love to journal but obviously don’t want to feed into my rumination. Any tips would be helpful, thanks.

im never gonna be me again.

So I’ve been dealing with something for the past 3 weeks and it’s seriously distressing. I believe it’s the so-ocd. So I work in an office with a gay man, who I do consider a friend now. We’ve worked together for about a year. So he’s pretty open about being gay which never bothered me. Then all of a sudden I would be sitting at home and he will pop into my head. And not like anything sexual at all, just like “hey what’s up man?” So after a while of us working together he started dressing in like white pants and ladies shoes and to be honest, I started to feel uncomfortable but I didn’t want to offend him so I didn’t say anything. And then in 4 weeks ago, it started to happen more often. So I was like, hmmm, why is a gay guy in my head. Does that make me gay? Then 3 weeks ago my Wife and I were getting down to business and I think I said something to stupid during, and after we were done, she asks “ are you gay?” with a straight face. And I was like “ahhhhh, no!” Then she starts laughing and says just kidding, and I’m like frozen. So after that happened my mind has been obsessed with that question. So now I’m questioning my whole existence of who I am. The thing is I’m not thinking about anything sexual with men, yet I keep asking myself “am I gay”. And it the question keeps playing over in my head torturing me. And now I’m afraid to even look a man in the eyes, watch certain movies, hang out with my bro’s for fear that I will turn gay. So I’ve been to my psychiatrist, and she said that it’s perfectly normal, I don’t have anything to worry about(being gay), and she put me on antidepressants. Well I’m still freaking out so here’s my story. Whew feels good to get that off my chest.

i’m very scared because what if I don’t care or love my boyfriend as much as he loves me? I’m just having a really hard week so can someone please respond

At what age your ocd started? Mine in puberty

Is my boyfriend the trigger to my rocd.. soemtimes I overthink more when he’s around but Sometimes I have spirals alone and over analyze alone . It hurts my entire souls and heart to think he’s the trigger because I don’t wanna have to break up with him to get better . I don’t wanna leave him I love him so much it makes my chest so heavy to think it’s him who triggers these intrusive thoughts . My mom and therapist said it could be myself my own head . I don’t wanna leave him. My therapist also said if I I realize it’s him maybe it’s best to leave but I cannot leave him . I cannot leave him I love and care and it’s been a year of my life why throw it away . Can’t I work through this cant I get better . There’s no way it’s because of him now I’m just having such anxiety and overthinking thoughts about do I need to leave him do I have to leave him . Is it him .