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the NOCD Community

Right now I feel like God is disappointed in me because of one of my tattoos that has pagan history even though I did not know it had that history and I do not align with paganism and im afraid that im going to be punished because of it, even though im making efforts to getting it removed.

Does anyone have any input about the concept of extreme exposures? I understand why it’d be necessary for recovery but wouldn’t some of them be genuinely dangerous? Like especially for contamination?

A lot of people that I use to see post up here when I first joined in 2020 don’t post up here anymore it seems. Makes we think they’ve gotten better with their ocd than I have cause I still post even though it’s less frequent.

Hi everyone. Just want to find someone that shares what I have. Emetophobia/contamination OCD. I'm finding it difficult to understand what I should be treating, or how to treat both. Emetophobia is the cause of my OCD I feel. It's hard to find a therapist who treats Emetophobia and OCD together. If I just treat the contamination OCD am I dealing with the actual problem of Emetophobia? Any help appreciated.

Im super scared that i wont recover it's killing me rn

A little bit of erp goes a long way 🤗

Intrusive thoughts are hitting me hard these last few days. Normally I have been able to work through them but for some reason, they are causing me a lot of stress. I feel like I’m back at square one when I thought I have made it out of the really bad times. My intrusive thoughts have been about losing my mind. I’m constantly checking to make sure I’m not delusional and then my brain throws out random thoughts that make me think I’m delusional. I know those thoughts aren’t true but then my thoughts are like then why are you having them? Maybe you are beginning to lose it? Then I have a full on panic attack and picturing myself going nuts or in psychosis. I had this theme awhile ago and was able to conquer it or so I thought. Now it’s back and really distressing me. My intrusive thoughts switch back and forth between religion, harm, and now these mental health ones. Sometimes all at once and that’s the worse. Does anyone have advice on how to push through?

I've been having obsessions about having cancer. Breast cancer specifically because I get cysts and lumps in my breast due to PCOS and some other hormonal imbalance issues. While I know this is causing me a great deal of distress, I never know when and if a time could be appropriate to go to a doctor without engaging in it as a compulsion. Except, I'm not sure if it matters either way because I've been checking my breast all day long for lumps and squeezing causing pain as well as reassurance seeking through stupid Google. When is the right time to even go to a doctor for a real concern? Ugh. No matter what I do, it seems like it's a compulsion..

i’m so doubtful. i have the breakup urge right now. it’s so scary because like, i’m having thoughts about just being mean to him until he breaks up with me. i don’t wanna be mean to him.

I’m starting clomipromin for my ocd that’s all the doctor prescribed be I have debilitating ocd I have anxiety that causes me to have anxiety attacks and panick attacks I’ve had to stop wearing bras cause I feel like I can’t breath they make me panick that I can’t inhale I’ve had episodes of gerd that I had no idea that’s wat it was when it was happening I thought I was haveing a heart attack and had to call ambulance several times and was in the hospital they did ekg cause of the symptoms I was haveing turns out it was gerd I also had vertigo which is also another thing you can get from anxiety and stress I get rashes on my arms and other parts of my body and get really itchy when I have anxiety I wake up wit panick attacks gasping for air i panick bout leaveing the house and doing anything I anticipate days I no I have to go somewere and takes me a lot of days to recooperate when I do leave the house I have depression we’re I don’t get out of bed I just sit on my phone I barely eat and drink I have to make myself get up to use the bathroom to sometimes I don’t eat till my ears are ringing cause I’m so hungry and dizzy I’m constantly up all nite for 2 to 4 hours we’re I’m just awake mind raceing bout everything like millions of things over and over I’ll have 1 thought then another than go back to the previous thought then get a new thought it’s like listening to a million different t movies at once just so loud it seems to much at once nothing I do brings me back out of that raceing mind stuff I can drown it out wit watching stuff on my phone and getting into movies and tv shows over the years all these issues have slowly gotten worse and now this is we’re I’m at it’s the most horrible feeling I no this is not me I no things could’ve been done to actually help me over the years doctors seem so uninterested in your issues and then scared to prescribe medications that work that are made for these reasons but cause they have such a horrible name on them there scared to prescribe it I think someone else telling someone there anxiety there other mental illnesses aren’t affecting them enough to need certain medications is rediculous and the only time I was prescribed anxiety meds haveing noticeable signs of it were when I went to the mental hospital and they actually seen that I was suffering they seen that I wasn’t functioning when a doctor only sees you for a little bit I feel like I need more medications but asking for anxiety meds makes me look like that’s all I’m wanting And also ocd is an anxiety disorder if you didn’t have anxiety you wouldn’t have ocd takeing anxiety medications to Maintain anxiety and lessen ocd things is wat I need just like I no I need an antidepressant for my ocd and depression I no wit everything in me I need help and wat I need I need therapy to I need to do exposure and response therapy I no I need inpatient care to I can ask for all those things but as soon as anxiety meds get brought into it your made to look like a drug addict I just wish things were easier.

I’d like to share something I read recently that helped me to start viewing my OCD in a different light. Many of us view OCD as a monster attacking us. May I challenge you all to try and view OCD instead perhaps as a faulty alarm. The brain has a system in place to warn us of potential threats - this is normal functioning. However, with anxiety, OCD, etc., this system becomes hyperactive and can cause issues. It’ll start throwing out these “fake-out” threats (obsessions) in order to get you to take precautions over things that aren’t happening (compulsions). It demands these compulsions because then it’s like you’re protecting yourself. But the threat isn’t there, that’s why a lot of it is surrounded in “what-ifs”. The brain is basically trying to protect us in its own way due to OCD. I personally never understood how OCD was the brain’s weird way of protecting us until I saw it from this side. I believe that once the perspective is shifted to view OCD in this light, it can cause us to develop self-compassion for ourselves - which I believe is vital to recovery. That’s why when we eliminate compulsions, we are telling our brains that we don’t need to do anything about the “threat” it is sending out. It’s being wayyy overactive, and we need to let the alarm ring without doing anything about it. The brain learns and changes when we avoid compulsions and we get closer to recovery. I sometimes think it could even be viewed as the character Fear from the movie Inside Out - imagine if he was running the show, huh? I hope this can help any of you out there struggling. Even just changed in perspective when it comes to OCD can make a huge shift in someone’s life. 💛 Also if anyone is interested, I came across this perspective doing a self-compassion for OCD workbook by Kimberly Quinlan, LMFT.

Some one please help me I feel like I am about to have a panic attack this hocd or soocd feels so real

Ok I’m ruminating again. But I feel like this is valid. My ex and I had talked about a girl that I was pretty sure he liked. And he never said no I never liked her but he said it doesn’t matter because those feelings went away when he started dating me. We broke up when he moved home temporarily and then he started talking to her. Idk I feel like he was lying to me and gaslighting me but at the same time, we were broken up. We didn’t break up so he could date other people. But it still feels like I’m lying to myself and I’m being taken advantage of and I have no idea if this is something I need to heal from, like my low self esteem is making me feel this way or if he actually did screw me over and I need to be mad or upset with him. Either way I really just want to forgive him and move on but i feel so desperate for this to not be a big deal. And that’s making me feel like I’m just turning a blind eye.

Any advice on how to get decent sleep with ocd, I tried melatonin and that will put me to sleep, but I’ll wake up an hour later with an even stronger urge to do compulsions. I’ve been pacing around my house all night. It’s currently 8:13 and I’m exhausted. I don’t even care about the thoughts, I just want sleep, but as soon as I close my eyes I get flooded with thoughts. Any advice would be vey appreciated.

This has been plaguing me for 12 years and I can't figure it out. Never posted on one of these so hoping not to be let down. Before I start, this topic is not about whether porn is acceptable in relationships or not, or whether women are crazy for feeling insecure etc. I understand its different for everyone and its a common issue. This is about my mental health. I have trauma from childhood, something I've only just realised since starting on and off therapy sessions about 3 years ago. So do lots of people I know... My boyfriend is 29, we've been together 6 years. We are and have been stuck in a cycle for years, again on and off. My self esteem is very very low, but in some aspects like my career and within friendship groups I'm very confident/bubbly. When it comes to people getting close to me in a relationship I am not. I can be needy, anxious and obsessive. I was diagnosed with OCD intrusive thoughts when I was 16, 12 years ago. And later in life, recently, my therapist says you could see my questioning as a form of ocd. I have a real obsession with pornography. My own use has sometimes been obsessive and had a negative impact on me, but not so recently, it comes and goesin waves. But since my first relationship at 17 its something I have obsessively asked partners about their use. All 3 lied. At 20 I found out my dad had posted videos of my mum on a porn site and been selling her underwear without her knowing. So I seem to have a very mixed up view on how to feel about it. On the one hand I think it's normal to want to look at that, and doesn't define how someone feels about you, I feel okay with it if it's not an unhealthy amount of watching/affecting your sex life. On the other hand, I get the urge to ask and need to know, if I try to push past the urge to ask I become angry, distant and full of hatred towards my partner. If I do ask, if I get the answer no I haven't watched, I say "you're lying" and question and question every little instance. It gets so bad I say things like "I know that's a lie though because there was toilet paper in your dressing gown pocket" to which he says he had a cold or something. I will then proceed to Google things like "toilet paper in boyfriends dressing gown pocket meaning" as you can imagine, when even google comes back with nothing, I still don't snap out of it. My partner admits to using porn every so often, but says he hasn't much since the lockdown and ive been working from home. I don't believe that, he used to lie about it (this was years ago) and say he never watched it. I found proof, he tried to deny then talked to me about how he felt a lot of pressure because I question every hour. Which I understand, but I can't seem to stop. After that I went to therapy for the first time as an adult. Addressed childhood trauma and my confidence improved, so I didn't feel the need to ask as much, as when I did he would sometimes say yes I have watched it, or if he said no I would sometimes accept that. Other times, which is the majority.... I have FRANTIC thoughts, I demand to look through his history, downloads, then to say "you've just deleted it". It spirals and spirals for hours, he doesn't change his mind, I try every manipulation tactic I can think of to get him to tell me the truth. Because the only time I seem to feel peace in my head is when I ask and I hear the words "yes I have watched it today". I can't explain the feeling this gives me but its a sense of calm, for a day or so. Then Im right back at it the next day. He says sometimes he struggles to talk to me about my day because I seem distant with him. Its true, I don't really care what he has to say, cos all I want to know is whether he's watched porn or not. And now I'm back at work, it's even worse. The reality is, he probably is lying about the frequency of his porn use. He feels its a private thing and I shoildnt need to know, but tells me sometimes to keep me happy I reckon???? Ive lied about frequency of use for me before too. And I also think I would if my partner was so obsessive like I am. I don't know what to do, or how to break the cycle. It's killing anything we may have left to salvage, if anything. But I did the same to my other 2 partners too. Same topic. I also obsess over things like, am I actually a lesbian? Does he like the way I look? But with this, because it's so secretive, I'm so so so frightened one day I'm gonna wake up in my 50s to some creepo who watches porn 3 times a day and looks and young girls. When in reality he's far from that, poor guy doesn't even have social media. Just the occasional (maybe regularly I dunno) human urge to do his business. Has anyone else suffered with this? It's such a stupid insignifant topic but its causing real pain for both of us.

How do you all stop ocd in its tracks from not ruining your goals, wishes, and daily tasks?

This isn’t ROCD anymore… I think I actually don’t want my partner anymore…. I’m having so much anxiety about this… 😞

Best exposures for moral scrupulosity? Plz help

Just found out a guy I was seeing for around two months and I really liked and was convinced he was in love with me was also seeing another girl at the same time as me (he had convinced me he wanted to be in a relationship with me, taking about future plans, even asking me about my ocd because he wanted to be educated on it to help me). Im kind of friends with the other girl and she told me she wanted nothing to do with him. I tried to present myself as not caring to him and aired his messages. Today I find out he was messaging her all day apologist saying he wants to be with her. I feel horrible. No guys ever want a relationship with me, and I always have my guard up because I’m scared of getting hurt. The one time I let it down I do get hurt. I just want to run away, all my friends are so happy and I’m so sad and being left behind.

Just discovered this app, and feel like it’s the place to maybe find someone who relates/some support. So, cue rant! I’ve always been a more anxious type person, hypochondriac, fearing loss of control, but it was never to a overtaking extent. 3 years ago, I underwent a burnout during school and starting experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety and panic - which scared the sh*t out of me. That was enough to start a cycle of fear and obsession about being anxious itself. It started experiencing alllll the symptoms, DP, difficulty sleeping, hyperawareness and constant checking. I would constantly check in on my breathing and mind to see if I was feeling anxious, hoping that it would go away. Obviiiiiously, as you all know, the checking never helps 😂. So I entered a vicious cycle. I ended up seeing a therapist and starting escitalopram which pretty much *cured* me within weeks/couple months. Since then, I’ve been pretty stable and ok! I actually stopped my medication approx 6 months ago, without any issues. Until last month. I’ve been through the most dreadful year, purchasing a house, renovating, being a front line health worker, you name it, this year was terrible! In December, I started feeling close to that feeling I felt before burnout; but I was still ok. Then, I watched a psychological thriller where the person has split personality/schizophrenia/psychosis, that same night I had a panic attack. Then that week, while watching tv, the show had a person going through a massive psychotic episode. *Cue the rumination cycle* I just started panicking that I would lose my mind. I started feeling disconnected, fearing loss of touch with reality, insight. I googled and googled away for symptoms of psychosis, schizophrenia, delusions, you name it - I looked it up. I then started the whole cycle of ruminating, catastrophizing. I constantly was scanning my environment for proof/disproof that I was in fact going to develop psychosis, looking for possible hallucinations. It brought me to such a state of hyper vigilance and hyperawareness and self checking that EVERYTHING triggers fear/anxiety in me. It’s almost as if nothing feels real, and I’m pretty petrified. I’m analyzing my thoughts, constantly questioning if they’re normal or not, and obviously that causes more and more anxiety. I just constantly look in my surroundings analyzing everything, seeing if they “feel/look normal” and obviously, when you analyze anything that much, everything seems weird and off. I would be triggered by the slightest glare or frown from a stranger, fearing that I was becoming paranoid or delusional. I imagine the scariest scenarios and things, and I honestly don’t even know why at this point. All to say, I guess I’m scared of being scared - which is triggering so much hyperawareness which is making my whole world and thought process distorted. I restarted the medication almost 4 weeks ago and it’s helping with the anxiety but the thoughts are so all-consuming. I have an appointment with my therapist next week, and I just can’t wait to start to get the ball rolling ! Have any of you experienced anything like this? Mental health OCD? What helped you? Let me know 🤍 * I want to clarify that I’m not in any way trying to stigmatize the community really suffering from psychosis,schizophrenia or any other mental health disorder, all my love and strength to you all. This is simply about rumination about a certain theme*