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oh my god, i just feel so..nothing. i don’t even know how to describe what my mind is going through right now. i just had one of the worst intrusive thought ‘episodes’ at dinner and my mind feels like it’s about to actually explode. i really feel so helpless. my family was laughing around me because of course none of them have ocd. none of them know about even a fraction of what’s going through my head. i was trying to laugh with them but in my head came the intrusive thoughts immediately. just like clockwork. im having intrusive thoughts at this very second typing this. i cant deal with this. it’s too hard. i don’t know what to do. i want to cry but tears won’t come out because it’s like i know they’re not real, but my ocd is convincing me that they are because i’m obsessing over them. i DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP. I REALLY DONT AND ITS DRIVING ME FUCKING INSANE. i KNOW at the back of my head that i cannot give the intrusive thoughts attention because they’ll just keep torturing me. but it’s like nobody ever recognizes how truly hard it is to just ignore your thoughts. it’s physically impossible for me. there’s no way around it in my brain. my mind is completely wired to IMMEDIATELY respond to the intrusive thoughts as soon as they enter my head and keep them thriving so i can repeatedly obsess over them. i cant not think about them, i cant not do my mental rituals. i don’t know how i’ll ever get over this. i want therapy so bad but the thought of my family ever knowing that this is what i go through is truly terrifying. i would really like to ask others here if they share similar intrusive thoughts as mine but i am too scared to type them out because my ocd is convincing me something “will happen” if i do. i don’t even know what “something” is. at this point the intrusive thoughts are a blur. my mind is just associating typing the thoughts out with something negative, whatever that is, just something. i don’t even know what. the ocd part in my brain is having an absolute field party right now because it’s gotten control of me. im truly ashamed to say this but ocd really feels in control of me right now. the intrusive thoughts are controlling my emotions and i can’t stop them. im giving in, i don’t want to, but i can’t not. the intrusive thoughts are so severely affecting my mental state right now and it’s so difficult. i don’t even expect a single person to read all of this here. i don’t expect a response, im typing this out because getting my feelings out like this makes me feel more mentally in control. im a fucking mess right now, and it was triggered by the smallest things ever. i cant express this enough: i miss more than i can put into words my life before all of these intrusive thoughts. it wasn’t even 2 years ago or so that it was this bad. i miss my life. i miss being mentally healthy. my mind is all over the place and has been for almost 2 years straight and it truly feels like it’s gotten worse. everyday my mind goes through hell and back, today was one of the worser days. what did i do to deserve this, i want my life back

There anyone that’s been on clomipromin the doctor started me on it I got to 50 milligrams only been on it 2 weeks and the doctor switched my meds to a medication I’ve been on twice already Luvox I was prescribed Luvox and abilify when I was younger then I tried it again a few years ago but just Luvox by itself no abilify and now this doctors giveing me Luvox and abilify And I had little relief on Luvox and abilify as a kid the second time I was on Luvox alone I got no relief at all I was actually getting worse and the next 4 years I changed medication each year cause nothing was working then I stopped all medications once I admitted myself and was discharged in 3 days and told they didn’t have the resources to help me and a referral to an ocd inpatient place in Chicago which ended up denying me cause they didn’t accept my insurance I got on drugs for 3 years trying to get some peace I’ve been clean for a few years now and still have significant ocd I’m miserable and have just learned bout exposure and response therpay so I’m hopeing to find help from a therapist but want to be on medication that’s gonna help I’ve been on Luvox twice already I had never tried clomipromin should I ask to continue the clomipromin is there a reason she stopped it so soon and switched to this medication I’ve tried twice and this is a new doctor I just started trying to get back on meds so I no she sees me as a new person and is gonna play Guinea pig wit me but I’ve been suffering for 15 years and I’ve tried everything and was told I needed inpatient but can’t get inpatient cause noone accepts my insurance if I could just get some medication to help wit ocd anxiety and anxiety attacks panick attacks social anxiety agoraphobia and depression and did therapy to help I could get better enough to go do outpatient do something till I could get into an inpatient place.

New here. Looking to hear from people with SOOCD. Im a woman with a cis male partner. For several months, I’ve been convinced I’m either bisexual or lesbian. It all started after seeing tiktoks of other women questioning their sexuality, talking about how they watch wlw porn, and so on. I also only watch lesbian porn. I’ve learned a lot about comp het and thought maybe this is why i’ve never dated another woman and i’m actually attracted to women instead of men. Ever since then, i’ve felt extremely disconnected from my partner and even almost broke up with him. I find myself constantly googling searching to find my true sexual orientation. I constantly try to imagine if I could be with another woman. I’ve imagined coming out as bi or lesbian. Just recently, I learned of SOOCD. Suddenly everything is making sense. I felt relieved when I started learning about it. Though, I’m still worried I could just be bi or a lesbian in denial. Everyday I am consumed by these thoughts. I’m exhausted, confused, and depressed. All I want is to find myself again. And find answers. I love my partner, and I just want to feel happy again. If you’ve experienced anything similar, please share. I’d love to hear from you. I’m not looking for advice or answers from you, I just want to hear from others in the community.

My worst nightmare came true ! I went to my doctors as my nocd therapist said I may do well on medication , despite being diagnosed with ROCD by my therapist and having every single symptom I’ve read about my doctor claims I don’t have ROCD and I am just in a relationship that probably isn’t right for me. I don’t agree with her I know deep down I love my boyfriend but this has caused me immense anxiety .

I leave my house once a month. Does anyone else feel like you’re going to be harmed or killed because of the thoughts you have? Or if I touch something that has touched a surface I see as contaminated and then touch myself I have to wash it away, I have no clothes now they’re all contaminated and I don’t leave my house at all I’ve been begging for help for so long and not had any id happily be admitted into hospital because I have given up on life now as I think I’m going to die anyways

I can’t take it anymore I was never particularly religious but I’ve been driving myself to a breaking point. I keep breaking down and crying because every single daily activity takes so much energy out of me because of these OCD things that my brain makes me do. Anything I hear, see, or think of that is negative to Christianity makes me stop what I do and restart it such as walking into a room or picking something up or getting into my car. If I feel A stimulation in a body part that I deem negative while thinking of something positive religiously it also makes me want to restart or apologize even though I’m not really doing anything wrong I simply noticed a body part on my self. I have intrusive thoughts about negative Christian things, and even though I know they’re intrusive thoughts and they don’t mean anything because I don’t want them there they still bother me a ton. If I see anything such as numbers that I deem negative or anything that the church would disapprove of such as the opposite of Jesus or the opposite of Heaven I am terrified and I feel the need to correct it by either seeing a cross or a picture of Jesus, or writing words such as “Heaven” or “Jesus” in my phone and looking at them, or by asking for forgiveness. I never particularly followed the faith to an extreme, I never really went to church a ton, but I did pray at home for the last two or three years. In the last two months have been this awful OCD stuff. There’s plenty of stuff that I know isn’t wrong, and is natural such as masturbation and sex. Even though I have participated in stuff like this before, and I want to again, I’ve been terrified to do anything as of late by myself, or with my girlfriend. I don’t think these things are inherently wrong but since the faith does I’ve been terrified. I’m terrified with every single thing I do and I’m terrified that I won’t be forgiven if I do any sexual acts, because “I know they’re wrong and I would proceed to do them anyway” so why would I be forgiven. I have not felt calm in two months even though I did start some therapy, I feel like any advice from my friends family or the therapist has not worked and doesn’t stick in my brain because I am too scared. I just want to enjoy my life but I can’t. I feel like I’m hyper aware of too many things and I’ve been noticing anything that I could deem positive or negative religiously in the world. I don’t particularly want to be religious, I’d much rather just be a casual Christian who just believes in the good Christian Holy Trinity, gives thanks and prays on occasion from home, and lives a normal life where I don’t stress about these things, but I’m so scared that I would be doing something wrong by doing that. I have constant headaches and try to avoid doing anything because every single action takes a ridiculous amount of OCD tasks. I’ve been drained of all my energy I have no motivation to work out or do anything I enjoyed before because I’m terrified. My sex drive has diminished due to fear, and I’m not even in the mood for that stuff (I’m only 18). The only thing that brings me some sort of comfort is the fact that many people believe that many rules and Christianity were added in later in order to support some peoples ideals, but I’m still scared. I am a good person, I don’t do anything wrong I think outside of sexual acts, and I try my best to aid people in my daily life. Most people have a positive opinion on me and consider me a good person as well. But I’m just so scared and drained and just don’t know what to do anymore.

Look I have soocd and I feel arousal when I check or test with thoughts about the same sex I really don’t feel aeousal for women I think this isn’t normal for ocd is there any advice anyone could give on this topic please anything would help

anyone else scared incase they get possessed or go insane or jus me ?

Any hocd sufferers in there 30s?

Pls help me..I could use some advice… I self harmed yesterday even after telling myself not to but the mental pain was so much i had to feel some kind of physical pain to distract myself. I have soocd or so i think and i watched a movie yesterday about lavender marriage I didn't want to cause i knew it would be triggering for me but my friend wanted to so i went with him to watch it and i was right it was extremely triggering for me the parents in the end except their children which made me think what if this is the reason i am pretending to have ocd if my parents act like this will i?!? I don't understand the thoughts the entire Igbta+ community in the movie made me think is this what i am scared of they came out to their parents and i was like do i have to too?!? And then i was like why am i having these thoughts i know this is ocd or is it?!? I came home i was much calmer but I couldn't stop thinking today morning while doing online shopping i saw a model and i just started staring and i was like i am not staring at the clothes but the model was i?!? If i was then what?! Even in the movie the lesbian girl had a girlfriend who got married to a guy and had kids what does that say then?!? And also they showed scenes where their hands touched and stuff what if that happens to me and if its a considered possibility then all could be possible and why would i think so?!? I thought of writing it down yesterday only and posting it but then I didn't was it because i was not panicking and i was not actually if it is ocd I should have instantly written and posted it right?!? But I didn't i came home and I didn't write it so i feel like all this is fake and just denial and it feels so strong and true in the end of the movie i was crying cause i felt like i was lying and didn't know who i was and questioning my entire life and existence how is all of this still ocd?!? Was i relating to the movie was i okay with all this am i faking all this panic shit and i am only scared and i know how ocd works so i just post instantly but yesterday I didn't so does that means its not ocd?!? And even while writing all this i am faking it writing the word faking while knowing all this ocd is a cover up cause this feels too much of a possibility and real what do i do ?!? Pls help me.. is this even ocd anymore will i be okay with the answers to my questions ever?!? Is coming out something my therapist will tell me and would i be okay with it if my therapist says this is not ocd and tells me to come to some kind of terms why am i not shaking while writing all this cause i should be scared but am i... should i get therapy is this even ocd?!?

I’ve noticed my anxiety gets worse at night and in the morning when I wake up. Right now I’m all over the place

Feeling ßuicidal but not having the option to do it is suffocating and cruel to live with every day.

I’m in such a weird place. Now I’m confused on whether or not I even want to be in a committed relationship. Like I know what commitment takes and now it feels like I just can’t handle it anymore. ROCD has made me realize I’m super scared of that stuff. And of course having ROCD makes commitment seem even harder and more unattainable/stressful. I’m so scared. Bc I love my partner and our relationship but now I’m afraid I can’t actually handle commitment for the time and it’s so scary.😭I hate that there’s this feeling of calm associated with these thoughts.

***For anyone who has had success with ERP,***…I’m Wondering about the effectiveness of It. I know Dr McGrath has said the thoughts become wimpier over time. What I am wondering is if you are locked into thoughts 24/7 it seems all day everyday, will ERP make them occur just occasionally? My theme is ROCD.

can someone pls give me some outside perspective on my real event OCD:( i did something really stupid about a year ago and it’s been haunting me ever since, i feel so bad and i’d do anything to take it back and it was so out of character for me it’s the worst thing i’ve ever done, so i had been using the app discord for a while just to talk to guys cause i was very lonely and i have very low self esteem so i was hooked on the male validation i was getting on there and one day i was talking to this guy who had told me he was 18 (same age as me) and so we talked on voice call for about an hour later on while texting him i caught him lying about his age and he was actually 15 but he was sort of gaslighting me and saying that he was 18 and instead of blocking him i sort of convinced myself he was 18 and that he wasn’t lying but deep down i knew he was and i texted him for one more hour before i came to my senses and blocked him, the conversation we had was not sexual or anything it was a normal conversation but he was giving me compliments and such and i guess i was enjoying the attention but after an hour i came to my senses and blocked him. I feel so disgusting i’m not into underage guys at all i’m the opposite i like guys older than me so don’t understand why i did something so stupid, i feel like i can’t forgive myself and i’ve been having problems eating and sleeping cause i feel like i don’t deserve too and i feel just as bad as a pedophile i don’t know what to do i want to feel okay and happy but i feel like if people knew about this they’d also think i deserve to suffer and even die. I want to forgive myself i’ve been punishing myself and beating myself up over this for months now and everytime i try to forgive myself i just have thoughts like no you deserve to suffer for what you did and everyone would agree. Can someone please be honest and tell me how bad my mistake was? do i deserve to die for it? can i ever move on and be a good person after doing something like this? I genuinly can’t tell if my OCD has blown this out of proportion or if i really deserve only bad things to happen to me after this.

Over the years I have said some terribly messed up stuff to my SO and I cannot forgive myself. It is part of me. I am so disgusted with myself and sick over it. I have ruined my marriage because of my OCD. I haste myself.

this isnt ocd related but i just wanna come on here to vent. i live at home with a very traditional, catholic, hispanic family and a while back my boyfriend and i were talking about spending the night at a local resort for valentines day, which knowing my family they would strongly disapprove of making a decision like this. However, I’m turning 22 in a few months and for about 3 years now i’ve been paying my own bills aside from rent. I work a full-time job, go to school and therapy and other than when me and my boyfriend go on dates i typically just stay at home. So after deciding with my therapist that the best course of action is to sit down with my parents and talk about it with them. I dreaded the idea because my parents and i often have non-constructive confrontational arguments when it comes to certain values that conflict with each other. In this case, mine is about being able to exercise my independence as an adult and their value is about not spending the night with someone you’re not married to. and when i finally had that conversation about my plans and what that means to both of us a few days before my trip, things actually went really well. we both were able to get our point across and they weren’t automatically denying me permission, refusing to hear me out, raising their voices, etc. and it concluded with things ending calmly with both of us on the same page about the fact that they dont have control over the decisions i make on my own as an individual adult and that they’ve done their part as parents in raising me to always have what i need and making sure i am a good person with moral values. Or at least that how i interpreted the conversation. Fast forward to the night before I’m supposed to go on my trip, I come home from work to let them know that i plan on opening at my job the next morning and intended on coming home to clean my room and pack my things before heading out to my trip. They had completely forgotten about it and then told me that i didn’t have permission to stay the night. this ensued a giant argument where they refused to let me go and i told them they didn’t have authority over me like that anymore. the conversation shifted everywhere from how “its their house their rules” and “i’m my own person”, to me expressing how conflicting its been to grow up in one culture within my household while navigating a completely different one being a first generation american, and how they feel forced to change themselves for me so that i could do whatever i want and that they should be happy for me even if they don’t agree with it, to how they feel disrespected that im not willing to follow their rules and ignore their authority. it came down to me not wanting to compromise staying the night instead of spending the day and coming home. i was furious and disappointed. but that day i decided to stick to my original plan, still trying to keep my parents updated while i was gone. and i admit it was equal parts stubbornness and feeling like i needed to set a boundary in regards to being controlled and no longer being a kid. after having gone and having a wonderful time, im home now with everyone at home giving me the cold shoulder. sure enough both of my siblings who no longer live at home found out, and have hinted at it over text. both my parents are ignoring me. which is fine, i knew and accept that this isn’t going to sit right with them, and im not sure for how long either. but regardless im sad because i know that i hurt them, and i thought that if i could sit down and talk to them like a grown up would that we could somehow come to a mutual understanding. the last thing i want is to regret a very special moment i spent with my loved one that he very generously and earnestly planned and funded for us to enjoy. and i wanted to make it clear that it was never my intention to hurt them just because i wanted to be able to do something like this for myself. it sucks that i cant have something like staying overnight at a resort with a loved one as an adult without also hurting my parents who i love. they have every right to feel the way they do and react how they want but it still hurts very much. regardless of how this situation went someone was going to end up feeling shitty, i already planned to react the same way they are. now that i think about it i still wouldve had just as much fun if i didnt stay the night, and theres no one to blame but myself. i think this post was a huge attempt to convince myself and whatever audience this may have that i did nothing wrong. now all i can think about is beating myself up 😞 not seeking for reassurance, just expressing that i feel all kinds of things, like guilt but also gratefulness and disappointment. and how i feel alone, because i dont want tell my boyfriend and make him worry or feel bad, or my siblings because they also think im selfish and impulsive. besides, i dont see my therapist for another week. i know the best thing would be to offer myself some self compassion right now, im just having a hard time mustering the courage to do so when i feel like i dont deserve it right now.

Here I am having a bad day with ocd . Meanwhile , my mom is giving Ton of crap for ridiculous things like ; having my hair messy, being late to work, not being able to do things on my own like drive a car and/ or transport myself to own places on my own. This is so exhausting she has no idea what I am going through and everyday is a fucking battle for me . The other day she was very upset I hadn’t cleaned up my room but that is all due to my ocd :( I can’t even do that . Not to mention, if I ever do clean my room I have to always do it in such precise way . I can’t have any interruptions and I always have to have everything done the way I feel is right . Aside from the anxiety I get from that, I’m also feeling overwhelmed with my daily ocd thoughts . Somebody help me !

I need words of encouragement to stop the loop I’m in right now of compulsions.

People woth rocd. My brain has been really hurting my heart. Like making up scenarios that my bf doesnt care or he is cheating on me to the point where it makes me feel so dull. I really want him. But im like so friggen dull after thinking about negative stuff 24/7. Now its leading me down the path of if its dull your loosing feelings i dont want that! Then my brain is like popping up of men being taller than him but in reality i could gaf.