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working to conquer OCD
Pocd is really eating at me right now. I’m getting more and more convinced that I’m actually a pedophile. I’m not even sure if I’m having intrusive thoughts or if I’m suppressing fantasies. There’s a lot of moral debates going on in my mind and it’s convincing me that I also like bestiality, incest, etc.
TRIGGER WARNING ABOUT POCD. So fucking what if everyone thinks I'm a pedophile (I'm not). I go red around children a lot, because I worry about going red in situations and it has fucked up my life, I seem nervous, words trigger me, like if they need to go to the toilet I go red in the face. But to be honest, so fucking what, worse that can happen is everyone thinks I'm a pedophile and I be taken to court and they say I look shifty around children when certain things are mentioned. Then what? I go to prison due to false accusations? Well fuck it. I'd be happier in a jail sell cause I'd know I'd be scared of fuck all else after that. I don't want to be around children cause I see they pick up on my anxiety when I go red in the face and it makes them feel uncomfortable. Cause I go red and awkward when toilet habits are mentioned. I want to tell my whole family to never come round ever. Like just leave me alone if you don't want to start doubting me as a human. I am not a monster. You know what, at this point I feel like just fucking making up a load of crap to get put in a jail sell so I can face my fear. I worry about things going missing. I go red when purses are opened and bags are opened, when I walk out of shops. I just go red and awkward. It feels horrible. It feels like guilt when I have done nothing. Why would anyone actually do this stuff? If I get this without doing anything I'm mind fucked on how people must feel after they've done shit things. I worry all the time about what people might think. My ultimate fear in life is everyone hating me and me going to prison due to people accusing me of stuff I haven't done. But actual fuck it at this point, I'm no harm to anyone and I don't deserve to die so I'm not ganna kill myself because I think everyone thinks I'm a monster. They can think what they want and I will suffer on in hope that this shit will go or I will feel brave enough to tell everyone these ocd thoughts. But I fear they won't believe me. They'll know I'm innocent when we're in heaven. I hate obsessive compulsive disorder.
Okay. Do you really think all of the question you put here as reassurance are really going to help you? This is not gonna heal you. Please think twice. Coming here and nonstop posting about all of your doubts about your obsessions every day will harm you more than you think. Think twice, please. You don't need that to find an answer. You already know is ocd. You already know what's going on. Stop the cycle. Scape this shit.
Does anybody here struggle with existential obsessions? Like ruminating on issues like morality, the meaning of life, etc?
Feeling a bit low at the moment. I’ve had quite a lot of highs like I used a public toilet and wiped whilst there was children around which I would never have been able to do or even write and admit through fear of thoughts and anxiety. Ive been using the works toilets. Ive not been doing as many rituals or as often. I’ve been going out a lot more, been seeing someone etc. But I went out yesterday with a friend and she drove us back and her daughter’s pants were on the front seat floor where I had to sit and I was trying not to look and think about the worry of it so I don’t know if my boots touched them and now I’m worried the boots have contaminated my place. This person I’ve been seeing has also kind of admitted that they’re not over their ex but not in a way that they want to stop seeing me. But I’ve decided to step back because I’ve been with someone before hung up on their ex and had my heart shattered and I don’t want to risk my happiness by going through that again. But I now feel really down and like I’m never good enough for anyone like my ex wanted this other girl. This guy is still wanting this other girl. And I’m kinda just someone people settle for in hope of getting over those girls. It’s then triggering thoughts that I’m not good enough for friends as I’m never my friends first choice, none of them really message me first. Or I’m not good enough for my family as they never really compliment or say they’re proud of me because they don’t agree with my mental health. I guess I’m dwelling on it all and letting it get me down because one thing has caused me to be down and now I’m in a spiral. But it’s hard sometimes to try and always be positive. I have moments where I think fuck other people I should be proud of myself for living in my own place, holding down a full time job which I’m now at the highest qualification for. I’m in therapy and progressing and yeah I’m not always having great days and I’m not 100% but I’m better than I was. But then one slight ocd knock back yesterday and I feel like I’ve not progressed and then one knock back in my social life and I’m in a depressive spiral. I know I’ll be okay and I’ll get there but it’s hard not being able to get it out, so I’m thankful for this app. So I can get it out. Have a bit of a cry. Listen to some empowering Lizzo and get back on my feet ?
I HATE how my sexual thoughts associated with OCD lead to me actually getting “turned on” it’s very hard to explain. I’m not actually turned on because I find nothing about the animal (in this instance my cat) attractive in that way. When I’m not having ocd weird images in my mind I never think ? my cat and I would be good together. NEVER. But then I get super horrific images/(fake?) memories and get turned on and it’s honestly the most heartbreaking thing because It is making me very distant from him. I don’t pick him up as much I don’t care where he is, I get annoyed with him I want him away from me. But what it really is, is hatred and annoyance of myself, and you can’t get rid of yourself except by suicide. Which is not something I would ever want to do ideally. I don’t want to die, but sometimes I just wish I didn’t exist?
I went over to a friends house, in which we played cards against humanity. I’ve always tried to play benign cards but I just feel horrible that I participated in the game. What kind of person am I?! I feel I don’t deserve to live a good life after this. I feel sick.
Hey all. Long time reader/liker, first time posting. Any tips on dealing with contamination/health concern OCD with rabies? I (30/f) held a lemur yesterday at an aquarium and spent hours afterwards researching and validation seeking. I know it’s just my OCD convincing me “what if you were bit or scratched or licked without realizing it”. Is the exposure not seeking validation and information? Any tips would be greatly appreciated. I’m on vacation with friends and this is ruining these last few days with them. Thanks, friends.
It’s been 4 days and I can’t seem to get over the thought, I need help because a part of me wants to move on but a part of my brain keeps holding on to the details and I keep coming back to it to reassure myself that it’s just ocd. I’m so sick of feeling like this no matter how hard I try I keep falling back to the traps of ocd. I hate the fact that I keep obsessing over the thought and trying to turn back time by analyzing every movement I did the day when I got triggered. I just want to feel like I don’t have to be cautious of my brain trying to make me terrified every 5 minutes and live life like a normal person would I’ve been trying to recover but when I get two great days one absolutely horrible trigger comes and I fall back down again. Just feeling hopeless and lost at the moment I wish I could do a compulsion to make it all stop but there’s no physical compulsions I can do to get a relief from the thought. It’s all mental compulsions and rumination I’m tired of feeling like this
This feels weird. I feel like I’m gay, and when I “accept” My thoughts I don’t feel good or pleasure, just this weight on my chest. Like my mind says “okay you’re gay see” but when I think of me in gay scenarios I feel no pleasure at all. Yet I lost my attraction to women. My mind still says I’m gay though I feel nothing towards men. But it appears my attraction to women disappeared as well. What is this? Why did I used to have extremely mad anxiety over gay thoughts and now that I finally faced my thoughts I feel nothing as well? Like seriously what is this. I used to be girl crazy like to another level. Now I’m not attracted to women at all apparently but when I “accept” my thoughts and say ok I’m gay, I feel nothing towards men either. Is this still ocd? And why when I do have anxiety with gay thoughts it seems like I AM attracted to men. I don’t understand this. Do any of you have any experience and share some insight?
My OCD fear of herpes constantly makes me think my mouth has touched random left behind drinks from stores, lipstick testers, one time I even thought maybe I kissed a homeless man. It makes it so much harder to fight when I could just clean to alleviate some degree of stress. : ( I don't want to accept the risk when I feel like there's something I could have done to prevent it (clean enough) I don't think I could live with the guilt if I infected others.
Does anyone else have depersonalization? I don’t feel as dreamlike lately but I just don’t feel like me anymore. I question everything, am I real, I look at a pic and think is that really me, will I ever feel like me again? Does anyone else have this?
Trigger warning yet again, I posted this a few days ago but noone replied! Does anyone else worry they've put bleach in their drinks etc, or that you've swallowed glass by accident and you start retracing your steps etc? Or anything like this? Is this contamination ocd?
I have to live alone for a week on Sunday and I'm really anxious about it because I've never lived alone before not even for one night
What is the difference between delusional thoughts and intrusive ones? Genuinely just curious. My OCD theme has been about becoming schizophrenic. I googled for my compulsion which I know I shouldn’t of but I keep getting scared that I don’t have intrusive thoughts and that it’s something more. I think deep down I know it’s just anxiety but still I’m struggling. Any reply would be really appreciated! Thank you guys?
It’s anybody here with OCD contaminación scared of germ my symptoms are so bad I’m in the hospital right now and feel so defeated
(HELP) Hey guys, I almost had a panic attack about 5 minutes ago, I thought I was going to go insane and lose entire control of my thoughts and have to be admitted into a mental facility because of me wanting to cause harm to myself and others. Me and my mom were in the car and I was thinking about jumping out and of course I know it was just my dark intrusive thoughts coming strong BUT I actually opened the door a little bit and almost wanted to jump in the traffic, I got SO DAMN SCARED because just doing that made me feel like I was going insane and I felt like I was going to go insane and end up in a psych ward for all of the intrusive thoughts I was having! I’ve had thoughts about hurting myself, my parents, loved ones, friends, and it’s scary as hell because the dark thoughts are making me feel like I want to do them but I don’t want to do them! This is all new to me! I’ve only had these dark thoughts since Sunday and now I’m scared for my LIFE! I am losing hope because I don’t want to have to go through these thoughts anymore for that much longer, and even almost attempting to jump out of the car was REALLY a scare for me, I am getting help and going to a group therapy, going to a 1 on 1 therapy and I started Prozac 20 MG last Saturday night BUT, I’m feeling like my case is severe and that’s even worrying me, I’m so scared for my life, SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!
Hello..so I stopped doing compulsions and my harm ocd has gotten weaker but it I’m sure switched to a new ocd but I don’t have any physical compulsions to do, however I’m pretty sure I’ve been doing mental compulsions which in my opinion is harder to deal with than physical. Any tips? Sending love and strength to us all ocd is a nightmare to deal with I can’t wait to live my life again without this bully inside my head
So looks like I’ve hit a wall I haven’t hit ever with this ocd. If you can even call it ocd. I genuinely feel confused. Idk what’s real or not. Idk what my mind or body wants. I feel so stressed out. My thoughts don’t give me anxiety anymore and sometimes it genuinely feels like I want it and I’m just hiding it. I don’t get it. I even lost attraction to this girl I was madly interested in. I don’t know what to do anymore really. I see any dude and my mind automatically starts thinking “you’re attracted to him” literally every single guy I see. I’m not even kidding. I really don’t get what’s going on with me. I haven’t been diagnosed yet because there are no ocd specialists in my area. My mom told me once she thinks she has ocd and my aunt as well. But their ocd seems more like the “traditional” type of ocd where you can actually see their compulsions. I think I struggled from Religious ocd a few years back. Also with my ex girlfriend there was a period where I struggled with ROCD I believe but got over it. Now Hocd has definitely been the worst and what makes it worse is that I actually had a gay experience but even after that I didn’t question my sexuality. I maybe would get the ocasional “you’re gay” thought but wouldn’t pay it attention and it just went away. But now it just can’t leave my head. This has been going on since February. I used to be crazy for women, don’t know what’s wrong with me. I even had sex with the girl I really like about 2 weeks ago and really enjoyed it! But now my attraction for her seemingly disappeared out of nowhere when this hocd bull starts acting up again. I’m so tired of this.
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