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the NOCD Community

Any parents on here struggle with intrusive thoughts of their spouse or children?

Anyone else grieving a lost childhood due to OCD? Also grieving missed opportunities in college.

I have exposed myself hundreds of times since I got this problem with driving. I get anxious for NO REASON and it's even harder when you're with someone in the car. I love driving. I've had a license for five years. I am confident in my driving and have not had this problem before. Yet, random anxiousness shows up when I'm on the road and I have gone to the point where I'm driving for no reason other than exposing myself, but it does not go down. I keep getting it, I accept it, yet it keeps showing up. I'm not anxious on my way to the car or when I leave it, it's only when I drive it. I can't find any possible reason why it's like this and it's annoying at this point.

I'm tired of being worried. Everyday I have a constant fear I won't be able to sleep at night. But unlike other forms of OCD ( if this one here is OCD) that does happen sometimes. I've dealt with many subtypes of OCD, ranging from Harm to Sexual Orientation, but this fear here is different. I know that, during my harm OCD, I couldnt tell whether I would end up doing that or not towards other people, but it never happened. However, I DO happen to lose a night of sleep once in a while. So it's like being scared of seeing a ghost, and eventually seeing that ghost. I just don't know what to do anymore. If that's OCD, I don't know how to expose myself. I can't identify the compulsions. It's even paradoxical: The more afraid I am about not sleeping, the more anxious I get and the harder it gets to sleep. And when I look for tips to cope with OCD, guess what? " Get plenty of sleep" Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do.

Does anyone else struggle with following religious rules? My therapist is trying to get me to be more flexible in terms of rules but I don’t see how they can be flexible.

I feel so anxious and stuck right now. I have used up all my energy and im so tired of fighting everyday. It seems like no one understands the state of exhaustion im in. Battling with my mind everyday and trying to win a pointless fight. Everyone thinks im lazy but they dont see beneath the surface. Im so burned out and i feel like i cant escape myself. I feel guilty because i want to move out of my house and be independent. But there's no way i can possibly achieve that. I can barely brush my teeth or get out of bed. I feel so powerless and its making me panic. On top of that, i have a new major obsession. It started small but now its eating me alive. I'm just so tired of living like this. Its like im trapped in my own body. I want to live my life and do what i want but how can i do that when my own brain won't cooperate. Im also worried about climate change and the new abortion ban. I live in canada but i heard on the radio that they could ban abortion here too. I feel like the world is burning and we're all going to die. Its so frightening

Not during the effects but after it wears off, my anxiety and depression spike, especially after two repeated days, i feel so strange :/

I’ve been even more confused now, let me explain. Before as a compulsion i would read Reddit posts to get reassurance. In most of them i would read that gay people aren’t scared of being gay or liking the same sex . Instead they’re more scared of people finding out or not being accepted. Now when i first read those posts I’d feel relief, like hey Jai you’re scared of being gay so you’re probably not. I remember the first week when hocd hit me i was basically depressed and crying that I’m gay. As time went on and the power of the thoughts became less since they were the same thing trying to show me proof of being gay . I kept on ignoring them no matter how sad they made me feel. Now it’s basically used my compulsions against me. It’s concluded that I’m gay and i need to focus on coming out, just like they said in the article, any time i went soft , or couldn’t get it up, failed relationships, not feeling as stressed as before all against me. So all this has made me feel like I’m in denial, everything I’ve ever done with a woman, my entire life has been a lie. If i don’t feel as sad as before that’ll be proof that i am what i fear, as of right now i feel depressed about it. When i talk to people ofc i smile and talk somewhat normally. Ocd has completely altered my personality. Even when i go on dates I’d ask the woman are you okay with dating someone bi? They’d say sure they don’t care. And I’d get relief for maybe a day and then boom right back into again. I don’t feel good about any of this. I can’t even tell if it’s hocd anymore, i certainly don’t feel good about any of this, getting groinal responses to these thoughts, or having a dream about it, it’s all so embarrassing, little to no positive emotions attached to any of this . Lastly I’m doing erp but things are getting worse. I can’t tell if i have false attraction or real attraction. I’ve lost libido, when i see a good looking woman i feel nothing, when i go on dates i feel nothing I’m sure the mental block of going limp has something to do with this too, but gosh i was i was just normal again.

I made a comment thanking a guy for defending flat chested girls in his post. And then another guy came along and said: “I don’t think all trolls are trying to hurt feelings. I used to make flat jokes when I was younger because I sincerely found them funny. I didn’t realize the affect it had.” What am I supposed to make of it knowing that my body is genuinely hilarious to people out there? It’s like no matter what i tell myself the only option for me is some backhanded “beautiful on the inside” bs 😓

Help...I have terrible anticipation anxiety and this Wednesday I have to go to a three hour event where I will be presenting for two hours STRAIGHT! I have never done this before and I am SO NERVOUS to the point I want to cry and kill myself. I can’t do it! I’m going to fail and embarrass myself! Ever since Thursday I’ve been counting down the days until I have to wake up at six in the morning and get ready to go. That sentence made no sense. Um...I have been postponing this event for the last month and can’t push myself to go. I’ve never done this before..,I’m going to embarrass myself in front of forty people who are ALL more experienced then me. This is what I WANT to do though. I lied...I’ve done this event before and I failed...messed up every sentence I spoke. I’m getting anxious...I don’t know what to do! I’m obsessing (My OCD) over this and I think about it every minute.

I’m new here and wanted to say hello! I’m 33 and from the UK. I have had OCD for my adult life so far. But I’ve only learnt about what it is and how it affects me in the past 6 months. A relief to know it’s ‘a thing!’ I mainly struggle with Real Event OCD, which first presented itself when I was about 14 and had an overwhelming urge to confess something to my mum. Since then it’s cropped up every few years, always latching onto the relationships I value most, most recently my husband. I can go for weeks/months feeling normal (whatever that is!) and then it can come out of nowhere. When I’m deep in the OCD thoughts, I struggle to function and the urge to confess or seek reassurance is suffocating. Now I have a greater understanding of what’s happening in my brain, I’m trying to beat it for good. What keeps me going is knowing the darkness always passes, and there are happy times ahead. Wishing you all every success on your journey to finding some peace x

I'm having what I call "Death OCD." I don't even know if it's OCD. Ironically, I feel like it's going to be the death of me. It's been going on for a few months now and not a single day or even hour has passed by without my mind thinking about this. It's basically about how now I'm 16 but I'll be 76 eventually and I won't even know. I am so scared of time passing, but there is nothing I can do about it. I am terrified of death, and I often wonder how I will feel when I take my last breath, what my final thoughts and feelings will be. How will it happen? The possibilities are quite endless. What will happen after I die? Will I just cease to exist? Will I be reincarnated? Would I go to heaven or hell? It's inevitable. With every breath, I draw closer to it. The end of me, the end of everything? Sometimes I find myself frantically searching the Internet for ways to be immortal. (Singularity, longevity, etc.) Sometimes I find myself finding solace in religion. I've asked every single person I know about their thoughts on this, and they're so tired of me. They ask me if this is some kind of daily script from me at this point. Whenever I am with someone, I imagine their death. Whenever I see someone enjoying themselves, I wonder if they know they're going to die someday. Whenever I am watching a show, I wonder if the characters know. I think I'm going insane. I've been professionally diagnosed with OCD and I am on medicine. (I believe Prodep 20mg) It's not working. I am losing it.

Anyone here actually have same sex fantasies that really turn you on, but you don’t want to act on them? That’s what’s causing the confusion for me. I have intense, super arousing same sex fantasies that make me feel very detached from reality. I don’t want them in reality but I can’t deny that I have them. I don’t want to be in a same sex relationship but how can I even say that at this point?

Does anyone ever compare themselves to people on social media im a mom and do this all the time and worry I'm not doing enough or what if I don't love them enough and I constantly check to see if I love them is that a thing or am I a horrible person :(

I need some above from the ladies on here. My roommate and best friend knows I have feelings for her but I can tell she’s harboring something she’s not telling me. She’s scared that if we have a relationship we will fight and she says she doesn’t ever want to have that feeling towards me. The other day, and this is where you ladies advice comes in, she told me every time we watch a movie in my room or she’s even in there she said she’s surrounded by my smell and “pheromones” and it makes her fall asleep every time without fail. What the hell should I interpret from that? She mages comments about her sister being MY sister in law. She carried herself my girlfriend last night. Granted she was drinking, she’s always more open when she’s drinking. That’s why I always tell her to take it easy if we go out. I don’t know what to think of this whole situation. Advice or opinions are greatly appreciated.

Time for a change. I come on here mostly for reassurance and to feel better for like 5 seconds lol. I’m sick of fighting. I’m deciding to make a change. Today. Now. Who is with me?

I tend to compare myself with other people my age (I'm 25) and I've noticed that I haven't accomplished anything significant yet. I still live with my parents and I can't even work or study, because of OCD, depression and social anxiety... I just feel embarrassed about my lack of accomplishments and inability to stand on my own two feet. One of my biggest fears is, that if I try and get out of my comfort zone, I'm going to fail horribly... That's why I don't take any bigger risks anymore. And the more I stress about it, the less productive I am... I feel burned out... I know I need to take small steps, but I also feel like my time is running out... It's a vicious cycle and I don't know how to get out of it And man, the intrusive thoughts I get about harming myself right now aren't making things easier

What do you guys do when u have your Trigger word in your head and it will not leave for nothing!! You know what I mean? Because I’m scared to move because I know if I do my brain will say the trigger and I’ll have to repeat what I’ve done and everything!!

I’ve felt my R-OCD spike to this point where I am not entirely sure if I love my partner anymore or if the relationship is healthy or if they’re even the one for me. We are currently long distance, which makes it harder, but whenever we’re in person I notice my mood improve. The problem is that I’m not going to see her for quite a few months and it’s difficult to deal with, especially with these issues flaring up. I’m doing ERP currently, but I am okay with the uncertainty of other obsessions rather than this one. I’m not really sure what to do at this point. Any advice is appreciated.

Yesterday was such a hard day. My husband wants kids and I don’t. I gave him the opportunity to walk away before we got together because I knew he wanted them, and he told me he was okay. We got married almost 6 months ago and he asked me yesterday about a surrogate. I feel so depressed and just don’t even know what to do with myself. He seems fine and he says he will always want them and yes he might grow a resentment. I just feel like crap. I don’t know if anyone can relate to this. I feel insecure as a woman and a wife, just hopeless.