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I feel terrible and guilty writing this. I find my boyfriend’s best friend really physically attractive, maybe more attractive than my boyfriend. It’s giving me a serious case of “the grass is greener elsewhere” feelings. I find my boyfriend more emotionally attractive though. There’s a lot of “icks” with the other guy but I can’t get past his good looks. My boyfriend and I have similar values and he’d be a great life partner. The other guy, I’m pretty sure, would be emotionally unavailable in a relationship as he’s not looking for anything serious which feels familiar to me as in the past I only fell in love with emotionally unavailable men. My boyfriend isn’t the most conventionally attractive guy, he’s average but sometimes I think he’s really attractive and he does turn me on. I’ve experienced ROCD thoughts since the beginning (am I in love, do I find him attractive enough?). Last weekend was amazing, we’d spent two weeks not seeing each other because we were both away and coming back together felt like the honeymoon phase again. I was so in love and told him I loved him whilst looking him in the eyes and I didn’t doubt my feelings at all. We talked about getting engaged and I was whole heartedly in it. His best friend has become another focus of my anxious thoughts but there’s some truth behind it which makes me more worried and more convinced I shouldn’t be in this relationship. It feels unfair on him but I want him to be my forever. Please don’t be harsh if you comment, it’s taken a lot to type this out and get it off my chest

Can someone please help me? My OCD is telling me that bc I acted on harmless intrusive thoughts in the past (nothing about actual harm, just weird stuff) I am more likely to act on the harm thoughts I have today and that I eventually will, just to get the thought out of my head, and it’s making me panic… I feel like I truly am the special one bc of this! This is hell!

You all have figured out looptapes are amazing by now, yes? If you have not hopped on the looptape wagon I highly suggest it. This was one of the key points to my recovery. Let me know if you have questions about how to make looptapes.

I went to church today and had an anxiety attack trying to act like I’m okay when I’m really not. During the service a lot of existential ocd kicked in and all I wanted was reassurance. What do I do? I thought going to church made me worse and my brain feels loaded with negative thoughts not just from church but from thinking erp will not work because I’ve tried it before.

A compulsion is supposed to relieve your anxiety/distress, right? Well I don’t feel better after ruminating. I’m just thinking in circles about something scary. Does this mean it isn’t a compulsion? Is it part of obsessing? Or maybe it is a compulsion and I don’t realize that in some ways it is making me feel better? Thoughts? I think this would change how yo respond to rumination, but I’m not sure. Thanks :)

Hey community, hope you’re all having a good weekend. I was curious if anyone has tips or strategies that are helpful to you to catch yourself when you’re in the rabbit hole of rumination? My main compulsions are mental. The good days have been great, but then my obsession sets in and I start down the rabbit hole of rumination because of the overwhelming fear that it might be true. It almost feels like I’m aware that I’m gaslighting myself, and then have the urge to disprove it because believing it would be horrific. How do you catch yourself when you’re doing mental compulsions and accept the uncertainty in moments of high anxiety? Thanks so much!

So I’m starting therapy this week but I’ve been trying to use ERP myself, my main compulsion is rumination which I wasn’t even aware was a compulsion. I’m trying to do ERP but when I focus on observing the thought it goes, I dunno if I’m focusing too much on actually how to follow ERP or is this normal? I feel like I might be subconsciously blocking thoughts because I know how bad it is when I go down the rabbit hole, but then I also worry that the anxiety goes too quickly and that I’m finding it too easy to ignore the thought?

The more I try to do exposures for my HOCD the more aroused I get and the less fear I feel. Then I walk away depressed and ruminating about what that means. Anyone dealt with this? Anyone have good ERP for this unwanted arousal? I need help.

Does anyone find (believe) their OCD is as bad as it is because of the situation they’re in? There is a lot of talk on here that OCD is a chemical imbalance and that exposure therapy works. I’ve had this over ten years and can say with absolute certainty that exposure therapy has NEVER worked for me. It makes it worse. This whole idea of “exposure therapy lets you reach a level of anxiety and realize you’ll be fine” is very toxic. I have done this. Had a massive panic attack. Collapsed. And ambulance had to be called. My living situation is horrible and makes my OCD spiral. And because of the way the world is right now moving isn’t an option. Which has made my depression spiral. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. All I do every day, every moment, I’m not at work, is lay in bed and cry.

hi everyone..I recently self diagnosed w ROCD (doing a professional assessment this week). I’ve been reading a TON about it and using this app which is so helpful, and I’m starting to understand like, the importance of not trying to seek reassurance or whatever etc etc. the thing is, in a way, I feel like my partner simultaneously is a trigger for me (in that I am so fearful that when I see them, I might have acknowledge a “flaw” of theirs and then I spiral into guilt/anxiety/etc) but at the same time; I feel like they’re also..reassurance for me? like we’re taking space this week because of my ROCD (this is the first time we’ve experienced this from me, and it’s really hard for her) but I’ve been pretty much having intense waves of anxiety on my own too, like every day. Throughout the day, and when I wake up. I am doing my best to now just sit w the anxiety — it’s incredible physically painful and overwhelming, but I’m trying. But the thing is, I’m scared that if I feel this anxiety while next to my partner, I will act weird or overshare (a compulsion)?** But at the same time..I also feel like I miss her SO much and WANT to see her so badly, and it’s hard to tell if it’s because I simply want to see her / want to experience good moments w her (which we had so many of before ROCD onset) or if it’s bc I want to see her to like reassure myself that I DONT care about her “flaws”. But since I read we shouldn’t ever seek “reassurance”..does this mean I’m not allowed to want to be with her? Or want to see her? I genuinely love this girl so much and before ROCD onset I wanted to see her a lot anyway, but now I’m like, oh..is this bad? But then AVOIDING seeing her seems like “avoidance” which is bad too. So I’m not really sure. I just want to get back to before all this…I want to give myself permission to love her the way I do, without feeling like I’m doing something wrong in terms of “treating” my ocd. Any thoughts welcome, thank you so much for reading — ** (On a side note: for people who get waves of anxiety or spikes of ocd when they’re physically w their partner, how do you handle it? Do you just try to breathe through it but act “normal”? Or do you over share? Or take space?) Thank you all, so grateful for this community. <3

I’m having a horrible night, I’ve gone a while without using this app now, but I’m feeling super anxious, my ocd revolves around my POCD and real event, so basically last year when was 18 (I’m 19 now about to be 20), I used a bunch of dating apps for several months, I’m ashamed of a lot of things I did like sending nudes and just being an idiot, but I’m terrified of the possibility of someone having lied to me about their age, I would always ask beforehand at the time to be safe because I would never want that to happen, but what if someone lied, I’m horrified by that thought, I saw comments under videos of dating app videos where there were people laughing about how they used dating apps as minors and just shrugging it off, I don’t know how they could possibly find that funny, I started panicking and had to call the suicide prevention hotline, I’m spiraling and have no one to talk to, I’m horrified, I wish I could die

Hi all So i recently went to see a new GP to discuss my medication and after filling her in on my condition and discussing my intrusion, she decided to flag me and trigger a safeguarding warning. Without any attempt of getting to know me or speak one of a number of therapists i had worked with, both OCD related and not. Now because i work in education, im fully preparing for my career to be over and life to be upturned. Does anyone have any words of advice on this subject?

I'm not involved in ERP. How I manage OCD is allowing the thought appear naturally but avoiding compulsions too. [I dont run from/to triggers] [I go abt my day as if I have no OCD] Will I still regain my life this way?

Does anyone else freak out over dreams and what they may mean?? I had a horrible horrible dream last night that my boyfriend was doing something so horrible to someone…I don’t even know where my brain got that image. I woke up feeling so sick and so freaked out. My boyfriend is the sweetest person in the world. He feels bad when he THINKS he’s done something wrong, he would never do something like what I saw in my dream…how do I get rid of these obsessive worries that something is wrong with our relationship because my dream *might* be a sign of insecurity in our relationship??? How can I get rid of the image in my mind??? good to know: my boyfriend is currently a missionary for our Church, so I have very very limited communication with him. I’m not able to tell him about my dream for another two days.

Ocd is RUINING my relationship. It’s like every bad thing I’ve ever done in the first few months of our relationship is suddenly coming up in memories. even though my boyfriend said it doesn’t matter and that I need to forgive myself. these things are haunting me and idk why:/ we’ve been together almost 2 years now! This is so fucking irritating

Hey, everybody. My name is Evan, and as you can imagine, I'm here because I'm honestly struggling. I've never received diagnosis, but for most of my life, I've dealt with exactly: a new issue relevant to new periods in my life, be it sexual orientation (currently identity as bisexual), mental disorders, and most recently, pedophilia. Two weeks ago, I've had a great, irreplaceable relationship with all my nephews (four, all under five-years-old), always happy to see them, play, connect with them. Since last week, I've had episodes where I'm checking myself, testing and evaluating myself for signs of pedophilia, but of course, as discussed on the website, groinal activity occurs in response to sexual OCD regardless of true values or sexual preference. Despite knowing this, it always feels as though I'm afraid I'm as actual a pedophile in denial because each time my obsessions kick in, it feels more intense. I'm scared, and frankly so full of sorrow since I'm purposefully isolating myself from my kids, and even though I've always loved kids and taking care of them, I don't know if I can ever be around them again. What can I do?

I’m so worn out physically, mentally, emotionally, every way. I’ve been fighting this my whole life and I just don’t think I’m strong enough anymore as of recently. I’m just really sad. I don’t want ocd to win but I’m so tired

Last night I was talking with a friend who is normally someone who I consider to be very understanding and sensitive but it didn't go well. I was explaining to him my worries about the OCD intake session I scheduled for (with a therapist not on here). It's in a couple weeks and I'm worried about making the right choice for a OCD therapist because of the high costs. All the factors that come into play like experience, speacilty in ERP, availability, etc. Also I told him my OCD has been really bad lately and its out of hand. He kept saying to not think too much about it. And he kept saying it like I was worrying too much. Like what? It's a big deal. I'm having serious issues that are affecting my health and driving me crazy. I don't even want to have to seek an expensive specialist therapist but at this point it feels like I may need to. Things have been bad lately. I'm very particular about things right now and my intrusive thoughts are at a high. I don't know exactly why. My OCD seems to flare up more when I'm stressed. Also my period is coming up so maybe that's a factor too, like hormonal effect. I tried explaining to my friend that I don't have the luxury of not worrying about things. I can't go with the flow. There's things I have to think about or they will go badly. I also was trying to explain to him what my current therapist mainly does and what I'm seeking from an OCD specialist. He said something about that that I didn't like. Then he was going on about have I actually been diagnosed with OCD? I was trying to explain that I'm not sure. My current therapist believes I do have OCD. He goes on to say that since my current therapist isn't a psychologist that she can't diagnose me. He goes on further to say that I can find a psychologist to diagnose me and see if I actually have OCD or if something else is actually causing what I'm been dealing with. I was fking baffled. I told him, why do I need a diagnosis? I've been dealing with this for a very long time. I know I have OCD. And then this dude says "You think you have OCD." I say to him "Are you really invalidating what I have?" Then he wants to say he wasn't. LOL you weren't? Then what the fk was that! I tell him I'm going to go to bed and I guess we will talk another time and I leave the call. He texts me "Um... I'm sorry. Goodnight." I respond by telling him how that conversation made me feel. I don't need anyone putting more doubts into my head. I don't need someone else to not understand me. It did not feel like he was listening to me and I'm tired of people being bad to me. I have no one to talk about this stuff with. These things are a big deal and I have to think about them. Him implying that I'm thinking too much about it makes me feel like he's trying to say I'm doing something wrong. Like it's not a big deal. But it is. He goes on to say he's sorry and etc. I don't know how to respond. I feel like no one understands. I feel like I have to deal with all these things by myself. Like I have to handle it all. I'm not looking for advice, just wanted to post and see if anyone has experienced something similar.

I wish ocd was just about being clean

I have harm OCD towards my cat and now she’s lying in bed next to me while I draw and my OCD is wild, screaming at me to remove myself from the situation as I might snap and kill her… this is the absolute worst feeling in the world.