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the NOCD Community

I am so scared that my best friend is getting tired of me. I don’t want to be angry at her for no reason, I am not sure if there even is a reason or I am over analyzing everything. I am so scared that we are drifting apart.

Is it normal that I don’t feel these thoughts to be as invasive after reading into HOCD? Or is it just me being in denial about my orientation.

Does anyone else struggle with hand washing/contamination OCD? I feel like it’s not talked about enough that OCD although it’s a mental illness it can have a very real physical impact on a person as well. For me, I used to struggle with compulsive hand washing. It wasn’t so much that I would touch something, and need to wash my hands, it was more so I would just sit at the sink and need to do it over and over again until it felt “right”. But I have gotten better with it, and have done a lot of exposure therapy for it, but my hands and arms still suffer from the brutality of it with the harsh soaps and excessive washing. It feels like my hands and arms are always really dry and despite how much I try to moisturize, just from the amount of time I spent doing it my skin was really damaged. Let me know if anyone has struggled in a similar way?

Cant agreeing with your intrusive thoughts make them worse? Or make you believe it?? Like if my ROCD questions whether I love my bf, and I answer with “well maybe I don’t”, won’t I start believing it??? Or if I have negative self talk like “you’re so lazy”, and I agree, isn’t that harming my mental health? How can agreeing with intrusive thoughts actually be better? Or am I doing something wrong? Cause now I’m panicking that I’m doing it all wrong and getting worse.

I never knew what intrusive thoughts were until I research up the exact thoughts I’ve been having. I am not diagnosed or sure this is what I have but it felt like a relief. Now although I’m not nearly as anxious as I was prior to educating myself on HOCD, in beginning to feel like it’s just me trying to hide my truth. Back when I was younger I acted on things that I didn’t realize could be as detrimental as they are, I’m like well I used to watch girls kiss? Does that mean I’m gay? I didn’t know any better, now I’m just left confused once again. At the time I didn’t think much into it and I never had a crush on a girl or would consistently think about it. But as my intrusive thoughts enter my mind i being to remember those behaviors and feel like it’s me just lying to myself that your in denial and you are this way, it’s unsettling. I feel like if I could erase those actions when I was younger I wouldn’t be struggling the way I am. I don’t remember truly enjoying it or feeling a certain way after. It’s more scaring then it is enjoyable.

What does non-engagement mean to you when it comes to your thoughts does it mean out of mind thought out of mind; does it mean go about your day and let your thoughts go wherever; or does it mean have a sort of relaxed Inner vision, where you see and feel your thought but you’re just not responding to it? I generally go out of sight out of mind as a way to not engage but that seems to be a form of suppression but it’s not a hard-core suppression it’s just sort of soft and it gives me a sense of control which I don’t have otherwise. what about you what do you think we’re supposed to do and what it is that you do? what about when you get a fireworks display of a cluster of images and or memories all at once?

I'm 34/f. I take 200mg of Zoloft. I am also a teacher. I had a very bad spike back in April that resulted in me moving from Zoloft 150mg to 200mg. This past week we were about to go on fall break and I was stressed due to a fight with my mother and making assignments and grading things. On Tuesday I was making a quiz for my AP lit. Kids. The point of these tests are supposed to be super hard so I was having to create wrong answers for it. The quiz was over a poem about good and evil (because we are preparing to read Frankenstein) and I made this question: 3. The lines “they are a fundamental force/ within the hearts of men” implies Good and Evil are a result of Original Sin The concepts of Good and Evil only exist because they were created by humans Humans will always be coerced by both Good and Evil Free will does not affect the strength of Good and Evil It was response B that I created that immediately made me have a panic attack. My brain spiraled. If these are human concepts, then what stops us from being evil? What if I start being evil and hurting people as a result? And then to test myself, I would think of something evil I could do and see if that gave me anxiety. Sometimes it would, but most of the time it didn't, so not have anxiety made me feel like something was wrong. Since then I have felt flat and of course have tried to think about harming someone and then judging my reaction. I talked with my best friend about it today who brought up how even in the animal kingdom, they don't kill their own (without necessity) and this calmed me for a while but it came back later with a vengeance. I tried to think that my lack of panic was probably due to the Zoloft working "in some ways" but the flatness made me worried that like I was starting to not care about anything? Like a sociopath? And then I was worried about my meds not working or this being something else. I usually have spikes every 2 years or so, but this is just 9 months after the other so that's weird. Can anyone relate?

I’ve never seen the Dahmer show but it has been an extreme trigger and i can’t seem to escape. I see his face, the show everywhere and people are constantly talking about it. I keep picturing things that i don’t want to see, i keep picturing things that he has done. I keep picturing myself behind bars because i did something terribly wrong. Not only that but i thought the show was a trigger for me but then a realized i was thinking about him and other serial killers while my harm ocd was just beginning to get bad before the show was released. So the fact that i was thinking mg about this stuff before is scaring me to the core. I’m scared of ending up like him but since i have bad thoughts about this stuff before does it mean that i want it to happen? Do i like my thoughts because I’ve thought about them before? I’m so scared. Can anyone relate? Or is it just me?

Its like my brain wont let me be happy. Ill catch myself deep in work and realize that im feeling pretty good and not having as many intrusive thoughts. My brain then has to analyze why and says things like "your happy when your not thinking about her, you should just leave the relationship". Ughhhh.. I hate this so much.

Hello I posted this morning I come from uk but no response. Please can I have some advice. I keep thinking I’ve sexual assaulted a child and it has caused a lot of upset and worry to myself. I stay at my boyfriends house, and his bedroom is opposite to the spare room where his 9 year old nephew has been staying. And I keep thinking I’ve sexual assaulted the nephew, I never went in the nephews room, just near the room and the door was open. While I was walking past the room it was night time so a bit dark, I touched the wall I see that as compulsion but why would I touch the wall?? Possibly so I knew where my hands were but I dunno? And toilet door I tried to push it but got the wrong side, but what if it was nephews room and not the toilet door, I can’t be 100 percent sure because it’s night time so a bit dark. I know I would never want to harm anyone or anything. Help please 😓😓very worried and upset

How bad can hocd get if you keep giving yourself reassurance and checking all the time?

If I let the anxiety run its course, I'm supposed to feel relief right? But if I'm compulsing I also feel a form of release, do they feel different?

Is it possible to experience arousal to an intrusive image during sex? It’s so hard cuz I always get nervous having sex because the intrusive images will be there so I try to not think about it but then it pops in and then I feel arousal to it. Why does this happen sometimes? It really feels like I’m turning into what I fear? It’s so real.

Does anyone feel guilty after therapy? I know I have experienced guilt after my therapy session and start obsessing on if I was talking too much or if I said something wrong? Does anyone feel embarrassed sometimes when they share what their OCD makes them do with compulsions? I know logically that there is nothing wrong with sharing in therapy, or being open and honest to receive help, but sometimes my OCD makes me question it and doubt myself, and I wanted to see if anyone could relate?

I keep having intrusive thoughts about my partners past. He has said he has never cheated. I believe him but feel like I need 100% proof to back it up. I'm also worried about finding out he has cheated in his past. I have snooped in the past and found no evidence of him cheating, so is it irrational that I'm still obsessed by it? (My ex cheated)

Can sometimes your OCD not make you feel anxious? But the thoughts are just there in the back of your head.. and you aren’t yourself atall but just sitting allowing these thoughts to take over you. I wake up in the morning nearly having a panic attack and try and distract myself from the intrusive thoughts but they seem to be just there in the back of my head and because they’re not causing me any anxiety/stress at that present moment, it makes me think is this the person I am? Do I want these thoughts?

I need therapy. I don’t want the ocd making me obsess about the issues in my relationship… 😞 I am scared I actually want out… how I’ve been acting towards him… it’s becoming difficult to function… I want this to be ROCD so freaking badly!! I love him a lot I cried before I left for work… 😭 I talked to myself how I hate that I constantly obsessed about our issues non stop and that we are trying to make things easier than they are now… my brain talks back and I said if it wasn’t for u I wouldn’t be constantly questioning shit all the time and that I could actually try to find a way to fix things… i know alot of couples fix bigger issues than I am going thru. That’s why I want to stay. I want us to work on our mental state… 😞 bc on both end they are bad… my friend said to both of us that your mental states are stopping you both from living a life and you both need help. I just want to love him.. that all I want bc we really are good together. That’s one thing I know for sure. He’s my baby.. 😢 I just… I just want us both to be happy

Can anyone relate to this?: I wanted to fix my OCD (aggressive and sexual) by turning to spirituality and spiritual teachings (A Course in Miracles). Now the OCD uses the spiritual content to torture me with existential thoughts and worries all day, for example: „the world is an illusion“ or „you’re just dreaming this — you have to ‚wake up‘“. Problem is that these ocd thoughts are backed up by the spiritual literature. I don’t know what to believe in anymore and if I try to figure that out, I’m back in the ocd cycle again.

I’ve been struggling a lot with reducing my porn consumption, I just feel horrible while watching it and get a lot of terrible intrusive thoughts while watching it, it’s horrible. I just saw a video talking about Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder and I was wondering if this could be related to OCD? I’m no therapist, I’m studying psychology but I’m no where near qualified to even joke about that, but I’ve heard a lot of people saying that porn addiction isn’t real and that it’s more of how you view porn that brings in the shame, but as a teenager, when I didn’t really feel shame from watching porn, I still watched it a lot and hated the intrusive thoughts that came with it. I don’t know, a lot of my sexual behavior does feel compulsive as if if I’m using it as a compulsion to reduce anxiety, or at least as an outlet of stress, but I just feel worse after, and it goes into my POCD as well since I’m horrified of possibly seeing anything illegal on accident. It’s terrible, I just want to stop, I feel gross and just want to see people that I might find attractive and not have these gross thoughts

I often find myself obsessing over my relationship and trying to work out if my partner is genuine and trustworthy. We have been together for 4 years and since we decided we would look for a house I have started obsessing over the relationship again (I had the same about 6 months to a year) We have a generally good relationship and I feel most the time I am right to trust him. However then I'll get caught up on a spiral of over thinking if he's right for me, if we have the same values and he's trustworthy. I often want to snoop in his past, to check he's never cheated and to get an insight into him. He has told me his relationship history, and I believe him, its just I feel I need 100% evidence that he's telling the truth to be as to let it go. There are also things that trouble me from his past, but I don't know If they are valid or I'm seeing threats that aren't there. (I have never found cheating evidence, but worry if i did find out, how would I react?- can't dump him for cheating on an ex, but it would ruin my trust in him) These things are: He met past girlfriends at work He has flirted on social media (3 times over 10 years) We met online I worry he would do the same now, as I worry this is just what he does, so would do the same now. He argues he wouldn't and its a totally different situation as was single then and is in a relationship now. He said before it didn't matter if he flirted with a girl as he wasn't hurting anyone, so it shouldn't matter and his trustworthiness shouldn't be judged on how/ where he met past girlfriends. Am I obsessing over nothing or his is past an area of concern? Early on when he told me about his past relationships I researched them on Facebook and started comparing myself to them and basically interrogated him over his exes. A few months later I asked him if he ever went out with another girl- he said no. I later found out he spoke to her on IG and they went on a date (6 months before meeting me). He said he lied because he didn't want to be interrogated over a date when he was single. But I took it as he was untrustworthy and dishonest. Does this point to him being untrustworthy or did I drive him to lie through be previous irrational behaviour? I also often feel like I need to ask him if he's cheating on me (my ex cheated on me and manipulated me for a year). Or other repeated questions such as 'why did you lie about going on thar date' 'do you still flirt with girls online' etc. Basically I feel like I need to snoop to get 100% evidence that I am right to trust him. Is this normal? How can I accept what he's said as the truth without evidence? Are his past behaviours concerning, or am I overthinking them and creating problems that aren't there? Could I have caused egg shells where he is uncomfortable to talk about certain things, so would be more likely to lie- or am I making excuses up for him and hes just a liar?