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the NOCD Community

How do you keep going when your absolutely destroyed inside? I try to motivate others on here and right now I can’t seem to have any positive thoughts for myself. I feel like I’m just in the way of my partners life and he’d be better off without me…

guys i’m freaking out. i told my boyfriend i didn’t want to have sex (i’m afraid i’ll regret it) and i feel so guilty. it’s terrible

My boyfriend has ROCD and it can get tough or discouraging at times but I’m in it for the long haul. Does anyone have any affirmations that help them?

I want to love him but something is stopping me… I am really starting to think I don’t love him at all anymore… 😭💔 I don’t wanna break up but then I hear you don’t wanna hurt him… I know I’ve done so much damage… I know what I did… 💔 I’ve been actually thinking about breaking up but I know I really don’t want that.. This is becoming too much and I am so depressed I ate 2 full bags of candy in two day… 💔😢😭 I don’t wanna break up.. I know I love him but the feelings of negativity take over and it becomes difficult to deal with… I need to delete Reddit…

I worry about cheating ocd specifically emotionally cheating. I can’t have male friends anymore cuz I convince myself I’m in love with them etc. or what if I cheat and don’t know? Etc.. I also have a fear I had sex with someone and don’t remember and I worry a lot.

I need to know… I really want this answered… Can you honestly convince yourself you don’t love your partner anymore… I am scared I don’t…. Anymore… I honestly believe I don’t at the moment… 💔 I don’t know if I just genuinely want him gone… or my ROCD blended into my personality… I don’t want to break up but I’ve obsessed about it so much that I believe I do… even asking if I don’t love him non stop fucked me up… I know I want to move forward from ROCD bc I can’t take it anymore…. It’s honestly like I healed and I just don’t wanna admit it that’s how it’s been feeling lately.., testing to get a reaction doesn’t work anymore… My heart is hurt… I just feel like things won’t be as they were and it hurts bc I want to be that way with him again so badly… It’s so real that I believe that the moments of clarity were lies despite how happy I actually was to know I love him… 😢💔 I just wanna know any stories if anyone felt this way? That’s all I wanna know… Were you able to save your relationship or was it doomed?…. 😢

i have many forms of ocd, i was diagnosed recently,, and well the more i learn about it the more i’ve realized how much it floods my mind. my mind is so flooded with intrusive thoughts, my family doesn’t know that i have it ive been too nervous to really tell anyone but my boyfriend which i love so much but since i have ; contamination ocd Pure ocd religion/ spiritual ocd relationship ocd somatic ocd it’s hard for him to understand my thoughts and feelings around each of them.. The cycle of getting relief and assurance is always me running to him to help me and it’s not fair to him and he doesn’t understand mental health problems so he just doesn’t know how to help? i have a support worker helping me through it however,, I am also in the support field so my work and schooling with contamination is very difficult and i don’t share that with them since they assume i’m just very precautions. i’ve tried therapists but they always made me take my thoughts lock-in a box and throw them away, my sister died oct/9/21 and since her death i went into a pit of impulsive dumb choices that now with moral ocd everything ive done drugs,smoking,drinking,etc is all catching up to me,, it’s created this hole of guilt that i can’t get out of. it’s like i’m drowning in guilt from things i have no capability of fixing. i worked at a church for a bit and it felt like god was there for me and then the workers there shunned me ignored me, bullied me and they hurt children,, after i quit the job they didn’t pay me and since it’s made me resent churches but feel like i’m the eyes of god that he seen me and he wants me to do more for myself and for others to fix and amend my actions. i’m not religious but i know one day i’ll die and i don’t want to live my life feeling guilty for everything things i can’t change now. ive tried talking to people to sort through it first hand but i’m only 18 i’m poor i can’t receive any help further then free therapy trial sessions, i had a truama therapist whom would make me draw out my life and feeling but when it came to my sisters death she made me draw the body and from there i starting avoiding sessions, avoiding her and from there i started thinking i was better but i wasn’t and now when i want the help i deserve it’s like i’m stuck of not knowing where to start or anything. i know this is just a vent type thing but i just want to be able to feel like i’m not alone because i feel so alone for so long and i don’t want to keep feeling like i have no support aswell.. but this is a little start? someone may relate understand or something?

I’m gonna switch my insurance to one that NOCD can get… Has anyone thought they knew they didn’t love their partner at all!? I am so very torn… 😢💔 It’s like I am forcing myself to stay but I don’t want to leave the relationship. I just want things back to normal again… he just seems like a regular guy to me now and I hate it… 😢💔

So yesterday i went the whole day without posting on here. That is my biggest compulsion so i am super proud to have not done it. I went through it all yesterday and it was TOUGH. I had my regular harmful intrusive thoughts since i woke up, they ranged from images to questions to statements. I questioned who i was a million and one times and i kept repeatedly saying in my head what i value and then i kept telling myself that i was strong and can power through this. Today i feel okay, maybe too okay because it’s kind of scaring me. Earlier i seen a picture of Jeffery Dahmer (all of my intrusive thoughts/images revolve around him) on Facebook and it hardly bothered me. Like my mind actually said see that wasn’t so bad. And i felt okay. But then all of a sudden my mind went “what he DID wasn’t so bad” and now I’m freaking out because now I’m scared that I’m going to be like him because my mind told me that he wasn’t a bad person. When i obviously know that he was. And i feel nothing. Like i keep telling myself that i feel guilty for thinking these thoughts but i don’t feel guilty. I feel no anxiety towards a statement that was so extreme. And it’s scaring me. Like i feel good today. I had that one intrusive thought earlier and have felt okay the rest of my day. Now I’m scared that I like him as opposed to avoiding him at all costs because of what my mind said earlier. Can anyone relate? I’m nervous/scared even though i don’t feel any emotion at all :/

I’m interested to know if I have relationship ocd. I’m in a relationship, and I’m always questioning; is this ok, should we break up, what ab the future& I’ve have several anxiety attacks over it. He’s a lovely person, he treats me right and everything, so it’s definitely a me problem- does this sound like relationship ocd? Pls let me know your thoughts/ experiences w it, tysm xxx

i’m so frustrated with myself. despite my attempts to lean into uncertainty, there’s still some part of that is convinced my theme is real and therefore needs to be looked into. i relapsed pretty badly after a stressful day two nights ago and i’m struggling get back onto the wagon. i know that many people say that you don’t need to know something is ocd definitively in order to treat it as such, but i feel like i do. because if it’s not ocd it’s a thing that needs to be solved. idk. does anyone have any advice on what i can do?

Anyone have everything hit at once? My Dr. And I are convinced I'm going through perimenopause and my hormones are out of control. It started out with anxiety attacks back in July, then my OCD kicked in, now at times I hit depression and it the lack of interest in everything is making me feel like my thoughts are real instead of just OCD. I feel numb because I'm afraid I'll discover the thoughts are mine and not my OCD because I can't feel any happy emotions right now and all the what ifs are just so strong. I guess I'm asking if anyone's had difficulty with the change and how they overcame.

Ive been dealing with pretty intense ROCD for about 9 months, triggered by a huge life event - which was getting married! At first this was completed debilitating when it hit. I couldnt eat, I couldn't sleep, I could barely work, I could hardly function at all. I stopped at my hobbies. I was surviving/existing. It was devastating. I got into therapy with someone who had experience of ROCD and things seemend to improve. I dont know if it was the therapy (we never got to ERP) or just that I gradually started living my life again that things improved. Things were much better for about 3 months, then something triggered it again. It wasnt as bad as it was originally but still very difficult to deal with. My husband and I did get married and although ROCD was still present we had a lovely day and I remember saying to myself 'gosh I must have been really unwell to think I didnt want this' then after the wedding, ROCD slowly crept back in with things like 'you just forced yourself to get married' 'you didnt really want a future' 'you know this cant be right' and I'm just at a loss at what to do. Can ROCD really make you believe this stuff? Im thinking I should try to get back into therapy but its so expensive (Im in UK so would have to pay full price) Im terrified that doing ERP will make me realise that I should leave even though that absolutely breaks my heart. I suppose I just want to know I am not alone. I see stories about ROCD but they always seem to be people in long distance, or new relationships or troubled relationships. My story isn't like that. Can anyone relate or give me any words of hope?

There is stuff I have watched in the past and within the last few years that has made me ruminate alot and hasade me doubt myself. I find a level of peace and calm but then my mind will travel to something I have seen in the past that was pornographic and while I have never looked for or desired to watched porn with children in i have seen hentai and I have seen some things that I ruminate if it was ok or not. I ahev asked therapists and friends and other family. And most surprisingly said I have nothing to worry about. Now I am not saying it is animated children but some were making ask was that ok, or was this too close for comfort. What does this mean or that mean about me. And even though I've mentioned this to other people mind mind uses this against me and says, " well you've watched it before, time to look up child porn!" Then I think I've never legitimately looked up anything like that and then I immediately doubt myself saying but what about this hentai? Was it close? How old was I when I watched it. Was it last year or the year before. If someone would classify what I watched was bad what is keeping me from doing it again if that's the case. Am I resisting the desire to watch that stuff or am I just dealing with intrusive thoughts. Am I just a monster in denial?

i keep dwelling on the past and the future. next week is my last week of high school but i really really love school. i’m always depressed on the school holidays and i’m about to not have school anymore. if anyone has graduated from highschool or have any tips at all that can ease this. the past: recently i realised i actually made a mistake in a “situationship” of not texting first ever. the future: worried about being depressed and lonely after graduation. also because the guy in the “situationship” said it would be best if we were out of eachother’s lives. i’m going through a big mess. i like the people at my school and i like the teachers. i like the vibe of the school and i like the assignments. as you can see, school is my happy place. i have no friends outside of school and i know that they probably won’t want to be my friend after. please can i have some advice? i’ve been trying hard to look for some advice on other posts and reddit etc but i haven’t found anyone in a position close enough to mine

I'm 35/f. I take 200mg of Zoloft. I am also a teacher. I had a very bad spike back in April that resulted in me moving from Zoloft 150mg to 200mg. 2 weeks ago we were about to go on fall break and I was stressed due to a fight with my mother and making assignments and grading things. On Tuesday I was making a quiz for my AP lit. Kids. The point of these tests are supposed to be super hard so I was having to create wrong answers for it. The quiz was over a poem about good and evil (because we are preparing to read Frankenstein) and I made this question about good and evil in an poem. 3. The lines “they are a fundamental force/ within the hearts of men” implies A:) Good and Evil are a result of Original Sin B:) The concepts of Good and Evil only exist because they were created by humans C:) Humans will always be coerced by both Good and Evil D:) Free will does not affect the strength of Good and Evil It was response B that I created that immediately made me have a panic attack. My brain spiraled. If these are human concepts, then what stops us from being evil? What if I start being evil and hurting people as a result? And then to test myself, I would think of something evil I could do and see if that gave me anxiety. Sometimes it would, but most of the time it didn't, so not have anxiety made me feel like something was wrong. Since then I have felt flat and of course have tried to think about harming someone and then judging my reaction. Now I'm like lost in my thoughts like "what's the point? What even are feelings? Why are we here? How did we even come up with words to explain how we feel" And the only thing I can feel is exhausted, sad, and anxious. I try to keep going and do things and my brain starts yelling "why? Whats the point?" I try to say "maybe there isn't one and maybe there is. Not your job to answer" I'm taking Vistaril each day 25mg 2x a day, and I restarted my thyroid meds thinking maybe that's what caused it. I have called several therapists and one actually met with Monday but wasn't sure if we would be a good fit. I'm not getting anywhere and it'll be 3 weeks since the panic attack. I'm scared I can't get back to the old me and like a veil has come off. What can I do?

I wanna confess to my partner about my thoughts so things can go back to normal again… I don’t wanna end my relationship. I wanna save it. My obsessing makes me believe things need to change now or it never will.. I get that from my mother… I love coming home and just being able to relax with him there. I don’t wanna leave the relationship. I know I am still obsessing bc I realized I go on Reddit everyday, i realize I have an addiction to it… my partner even said it. He knows when I’m on my phone I’m researching. He glared at me. My happy moments are my true feelings for him I believe ROCD made me worse… My partner says we can’t work on our issues if I’m stuck in this mental state.

Do I just really want to break up!?!?! I do love him. I love him a lot I think.. 💔 I hold him tell him I love him… please!! Help

Would anyone like to share their goals ? It can be anything . Long term or short term goals . I’ll go first.... I hope to someday be able to successfully recover from eating habits and/or potential ED. I’d like to one day accomplish my goal of losing weight . I want to burn off and lose 35 pounds. I hope to begin a relationship at some point I want to be able to be more socially active as a person and better interact with people (make friends ) I hope to one day enrolls myself back into college I hope one day I’ll have obtained my drivers license and have bought my first car Most importantly I hope to recover from ocd

my mom is the kindest person, and she thinks i’m the same pure hearted girl without bad thoughts. she supports me and thinks of my situation with the struggling with intrusive thoughts, she doesn’t know how bad it is though. and i’m convinced she would hate me and disown me if she knew what my thoughts were like. i keep reminding my self or asking “it’s intrusive thoughts isnt it. it isn’t me thinking this, it can’t be. i wasn’t like this.” i struggle with this often, and i already think the why am i living with my self being this or with the thoughts, i don’t want to live this way and i shouldn’t be here. and then if i have an episode of intrusive thoughts and can’t tell for sure it was intrusive thoughts and wasn’t me choosing to think of this, it gets worse. i’ve been trapped this way since the beginning of oct. sorry for expecting a response from someone, thanks for reading it if you did.